Possession
by Wheezambu
Summary: Updated! Chapter 37 is posted.
1. One

Possession 01

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She was shaking, staring at him. "All this time," Kagome whispered as her eyes filled with tears. "All this time you were only after the jewel?"

He didn't look at her, entranced by the sparkling sphere that glowed between his fingers like a tiny sun. Instead he smiled, darkness in his gaze as he finally met her eyes.

"Of course I was always after the jewel," Inuyasha said softly. "I told you that from the beginning."

She shook her head, her hair hanging in limp strands around her face. She was so tired; it had taken everything she had just to purify the jewel after completing it. Naraku was dead, it was a relief to know at last he was gone and couldn't terrorize innocent people any longer. His defeat had come at a terrible price.

"Miroku and Sango gave their lives to put an end to that jewel's evil," she said, pleading with him. "Don't make their sacrifice mean nothing, Inuyasha. Please don't do this."

He glared at her, his ears flattening slightly as he considered her words. "No," he said at last, smiling unpleasantly. "This is what I've always wanted, to become pure youkai. I never wanted to be only human, Kagome."

"You would have done it for Kikyou," she whispered.

"I was in love with Kikyou."

Kagome sank down to her knees, her head hanging limply on her neck. Her heart was breaking; she wanted to be sick on the ground.

"You used me," she murmured.

"Don't take it like that," he said quietly. "This is for the best." His hand reached out to stroke her face and Kagome flinched away from his touch. "Look at me," he murmured as he ran his clawed fingers over her hair. She didn't look at him; she couldn't stand the sight of him right now.

Suddenly angry, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "When I tell you to do something, Kagome, you'd better do it!"

She met his eyes with defiance of her own. "I hope you'll be happy as a pure youkai, Inuyasha. I hope it's everything you ever wanted because I'm not going to be here to watch."

Kagome stood up and shoved him away from her. Inuyasha's expression was sullen, angry as he watched her gather her things. She hated him, oh God yes, she hated him like she'd never hated anyone before. It had all been a lie. She thought he had changed; she had thought he really cared about her.

_I should have known better_, Kagome thought, feeling tears sting her eyes. _I'm such a fool_.

Inuyasha watched her narrowly, not moving from his half crouching, half kneeling position. The jewel burned in his hand, begging for him to use it. He wasn't sure how to go about starting the transformation and he hesitated, wondering if using this cursed little trinket would really give him what he wanted. He didn't want to become a mindless thing, slaughtering everyone in his path. That wasn't what he craved, desired. He wanted to be in full control of himself and have that power, that fucking superiority his brother displayed with such ease.

Looking at her, he could understand why she thought he was betraying her. He supposed that she was right to be angry; she was right to want to leave. What Kagome wanted and what Kagome was going to get were two different things. She was the one who had promised to stay by his side, he was going to make sure that promise was kept.

He needed her.

"You aren't going anywhere," he said, rising up from the ground to stand closer to her, threatening her tacitly. He'd said didn't love her, all this time he'd never pretended that he did and he'd sworn to himself that he'd never lie about that. But he wanted her so much. He'd put his desire for Kagome on hold for more than two years in order to complete their quest. Now he was tired of waiting.

"You're staying right here with me."

"No," she said as she turned away from him. "I don't want to see you like this. It makes me sick. You're exactly like Naraku, all you can think about is power. I can't stop you from using that thing, but I don't have to be here either. I'm going home and I'm not coming back."

She started to leave, her bag slung over her shoulder. He was faster, getting in front of her and blocking her way. "Try it," he said in a dangerous voice. "You can stay with me by choice or I can make you stay. Don't make me be a bastard, Kagome."

It astonished her that he thought he could control her. That rosary around his neck said otherwise. "I don't have to make you be a bastard," Kagome hissed. "You do a good enough job of that on your own."

"For the last time," he said, reaching for her as she started to back away from him.

"For the last time," she echoed, her eyes snapping furiously. "Sit boy!"

The rosary glowed instantly at her command, but something strange happened next. Instead of flinging him to the ground in a helpless jumble of limbs and fury, he remained standing, his eyes gone wide with shock. In his fist, the Shikon no Tama pulsed with a massive wave of energy that blinded them both.

She heard him scream out her name, his voice sounding agonized. Kagome hated hearing him in pain in spite of her anger, her hurt betrayal. Her stomach contracted and she covered her face with her hands, trying to block the infernal light as the mystical jewel suddenly exploded.

Inuyasha dropped to his knees, the waves of power pulsing around him in a firestorm of pure energy. She stared at him in horror as the light flowed into his body, lighting his skin, making it glow. His hair stood on end from the static charge in the air, his expression made him look almost angelic. He threw back his head and howled in pain before his voice cut off with a strangled sob. Then the glowing rosary around his neck went dark.

She didn't know what to do when he suddenly fell forward, catching himself on his fists with his entire body shuddering and shaking. She should go, she should head for the well before he recovered and was able to move. This was her chance to get away, but she couldn't make her feet obey her frantic mind. Instead she knelt down next to him, her hands reaching for his face.

"Inuyasha?" she asked in a soft, broken voice.

She heard a sound like pebbles being dropped against glass; she heard the wind tease language from the trees. Slowly he leaned back, his face shadowed by his hair. One hand was shaking as he lifted it to his throat, grasped the necklace and pulled. It broke. It fell apart, each tiny stone crumbling like it was made of charred paper and the rosary that had bound them for so long became a pile of purple ash in his palm. He looked up then and met her frightened eyes.

And smiled.

_**Present Day**_

Kagome Higurashi stood upon a Hawaiian beach and watched the sun slowly sink into the horizon. It lit the sky with fiery reds and golds, turning to violet and pink as she watched it disappear. It was odd, she thought, how disconnected she felt. The paper crumbled in her fist as she watched the waves crash upon the shore. She hadn't expected something like this to happen now. It wasn't as if she didn't have enough problems.

Her divorce had been final six days ago and Kagome had thought she owed it to herself to take some time off. It wasn't that she didn't care about Scott; she didn't regret marrying him six years ago. He was tall , gorgeous and kind natured, warm, funny and caring.

_A perfect man for an imperfect woman_, she thought wryly.

He'd begged her not to go through with the divorce, asked her time and time again to give their relationship another try. Eventually she just got tired of his calls and turned off her cell phone. She'd told her secretary to not disclose her whereabouts and headed for the remotest part of the islands for a few days of solitary hiking and meditation.

It had been her plan to book a week at the most expensive spa could find when she got back to let them pamper and spoil her until she was able to forget. Even a vicious bitch like herself needed time to regroup.

Now this. Because she was avoiding her now ex-husband, it must have been pure hell for her people to track her down. But they had managed just the same and Kagome didn't think hearing the news two days earlier would have made any difference. Her grandfather had passed away and her mother begged her to return to Japan for his funeral service.

The last thing she wanted was to go home, she sure as hell didn't think of it as home, not anymore. Home was her condo in Honolulu; home was her spacious office on the prestigious top floor where interns and flunkies ran at the sight of her. She was the youngest full partner of an international law firm; her specialty was making rich people richer and smoothing the way for Japanese companies to gain new marketing advantages in both the United States and developing countries.

She was fluent in three languages besides Japanese, English, French, and Chinese. Her annual salary was in the six-figure range; she drove an expensive car, wore designer clothing and moved among the powerful and the famous with a natural ease and gracefulness far beyond her years. Kagome Higurashi was the epitome of success in every way possible.

Sighing, she pulled out her cell to ring her secretary. "Grace," she said in the clipped tone that meant pay attention. "Book me a flight to Tokyo immediately. Call my service and tell them to have my bags packed and sent to the airport. Yes, I know it's sudden. My grandfather died, I need to pay my respects. Let Celia close the deal with the developers in Texas, it's all finished except for the paperwork. She knows what to do."

She listened as her secretary ran through the list of urgent messages she'd received and Kagome's mouth twisted bitterly. It might have been nice to have Scott with her for the trip; she hated staying alone in hotels.

_Stop that_, she told herself sternly. _If you wanted him to go with you, you shouldn't have divorced him. And if you didn't want to divorce him, you shouldn't have cheated on him so much_.

It wasn't her infidelity that she regretted, what angered her was that Scott had never stood up to her about it.

Instead he'd just caved spinelessly, losing whatever respect she'd had for him. A man should mind if his wife screwed around on him, a man shouldn't blame himself and tell her that whatever she wanted to do was fine if it made her happy. Personally, Kagome would have been tempted to cut off his testicles with a kitchen knife if he'd been the one unfaithful to her. At least in the beginning, back when she still gave a shit about her marriage.

Kagome scowled. "One more thing, Grace," she barked, her mouth twisting slightly in amusement. "If so much as one more flower arrangement is delivered and the sender was my former husband, I want you to push through that restraining order. I don't care, I'm fed up with it and you know I don't like flowers. Donate them to a hospital or something, like I give a damn. Tell him I'll have him arrested if he doesn't knock it off and don't tell him where I'm going or why. You got that?"

She clicked the phone off after receiving an affirmative and stalked slowly back to her bungalow. She could throw some things in her bag for now and be ready to leave as soon as Grace called back with her flight arrangements.

_Damn it, jii-chan_, she thought in annoyance. _You could have picked a more convenient time to die_.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

He growled into her bare shoulder when he came, his fingers grinding painfully on her arms. Her breathing was harsh and labored, her legs still trembling with the aftershocks of climax. As he collapsed on top of her, falling asleep with one hand still possessively clutching her breast, slow hot tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

_This is so wrong_, she thought. _Why can't I stop myself from wanting him?_

"Because you like the way I fuck you," he said sleepily, pulling out of her body and rolling to the side. She flushed hot then cold with shame, her inner thighs sticky with him. One of the benefits of his full demon status was that he could read her so easily. He swore he couldn't hear what she was thinking, but sometimes, in the night like this, she seriously doubted that he'd ever told her the truth.

_Truth. It used to be simple_, she thought, making herself lie still. If she got up now it might make him angry, he might think that she was rejecting him. And he could be so damn scary when he was angry. He never hit her, didn't slap her around, but sometimes he grabbed her too harshly; let his claws dig into her soft flesh so that tiny ribbons of blood appeared. He could kill her so easily; it would be like blowing out a single candle.

_I miss my mother_, she thought miserably, curling on her side. _I miss Souta and jii-chan and my friends from school. They'll never know what happened to me if I don't go back. It's been three months since Inuyasha changed. They have to be worried sick about me._

Light snores were coming from him now and she decided to chance getting out of bed. She had to pee and if he woke up and found her missing she could use that for an excuse. Slowly, she edged to the side of their futon, his hand slipping away from her hip as she crawled away. He moved, snorting a little and turned on his belly. She sat still, waiting to make sure he stayed asleep. She loved him, she loved him with both pieces of her broken heart, but she hated him at the same time.

At first the only change the jewel had seemed to cause for him was his appearance. She'd rather thought the dog-ears would have disappeared; no other full blood youkai seemed to have ears like that. But they'd stayed, familiar soft white triangles that made her wistful for the first time she'd seen him, sleeping so peacefully and sealed to a tree. The violet facial markings, long jagged stripes, had taken some getting used to.

When she'd first seen them appear, she wanted to scream and run, thinking that his demon blood had overwhelmed him. His eyes had stayed golden, no insanity lurking there, no crimson flash to herald the coming of a terror. That was the only reason she'd stayed after the jewel exploded, the only reason she hadn't feared for her life.

_Stupid idiot_, she thought as she pulled on her clothing. Her old school fuku was tattered now; she didn't know why she kept putting it on every day. Kaede had offered to give her more suitable clothing but Kagome stubbornly refused. She would go home someday, she would get her own clothes and go back to school.

If she weren't so behind that she'd never catch up. She remembered when she'd tried to study while in the Sengoku Jidai, how hard she'd tried to keep current with her class work and be prepared for the endless make up tests and exams.

She'd barely managed to scrape by at the best of times. Hard to study when you're being chased by demons or trying to defeat a monster like Naraku. She couldn't study anymore. She missed the familiar feeling of it, that connection with the life on the other side of the well. Inuyasha had understood that, seen her books for what they were...an escape from him and his control over her. He'd burned them and after that Kagome studied no more.

When she'd screamed at him over it, he'd grabbed her by her hair and shook her hard. "You aren't going back there. You'll never see that damn school of yours again so you don't need the fucking books, do you?"

"What about my mother?" she'd cried, twisting at the end of his hand like some kind of trapped prey. That's what she was, that's how she felt. His grip only tightened and Kagome gasped, the pain of it making her see stars.

"What about my family? They're worried sick, I can feel it! Aren't you ever going to let me go back to see them again?"

He dropped her, shoving her hard to the ground so he could tower over her. "I'm your family now," he said harshly, folding his arms and glowering at her. "I'm the only one you need to see, I'm for damn sure the only one you need to make happy, got that? If you ever go down that well again, it will be when I say you can.

"You try to escape me and I swear to the gods, Kagome, I'll make you wish you hadn't. You'll sit there and you'll watch what I do to your 'family' as your punishment. The old man, your little brother, and especially your mother…you want them to suffer because you're too damn stupid to know your place? You want me to use my claws on them?"

_Bastard_, she thought to herself, leaving the little hut they had made their home. It was isolated, deep in the forest and for that she was grateful. At least it meant he didn't go into the village and terrorize everyone there. And it meant that no one had to hear her shameful screams at night, the way he made beg for him. It was slowly starting to break her, being treated like she was just his possession, his toy. That made her want to laugh, or it would have if it didn't make her want to cry.

_Inuyasha, how did this ever go so wrong?_

After relieving herself, Kagome thought she couldn't force herself to go back inside and lie down next to him. She knew the forest well enough to find her way to the village, she was allowed to go there whenever she wanted. He wouldn't like that she went out in the night, but he wouldn't go crazy if he found her at Kaede's. The old priestess was the only one who didn't look at her with horror and disgust or fear. Kaede remained calm even when Inuyasha was at his nastiest.

"Kaede-sama, why did the rosary break?"

"Ah, child," the old woman said sadly, stroking her hair as Kagome cried into her lap. "It was only meant to contain the power of a half-demon, your Inuyasha is now a full demon and far too strong. I cannot make another for you and it would probably mean your death to even try."

"Something needs to be done, I can't go on living like this," she wept, her tears soaking into the old woman's knee.

Kaede tipped her chin up to look into the young girl's eyes. "And…you love him still?"

Flushing, she nodded, unable to look the old woman in the eye. "And he has made you his?" Kagome wanted to bury her face from the shame of it, but she couldn't deny what the old woman knew. "You did not resist him?"

"No," she said, dropping the word like a poisoned pill from her lips. She'd intended to, but her body had betrayed her from the beginning. After he changed, he started watching her closely; she could feel his eyes on her and knew what he was after. After few days of that she'd thought she was going to go crazy.

_Just get it over with_, she'd raged silently. _Rape me, kill me, whatever you're going to do, just do it!_

He'd never tried to touch her before. She'd wondered about that in all their travels and laughed at herself now. Whatever had been holding him back was gone and finally one night she'd looked into his eyes and seen the darkness there and swallowed hard. She'd resolved herself to do what she needed to in order to survive, get back to her family somehow. No matter how brutal he wanted to be.

She didn't expect him to be easily satisfied and he wasn't, but she'd never expected he'd make her want him in return and teach her body pleasure. Or that he'd make her skin burn so hot she should leave scorch marks in the grass where he laid her.

Instead he mapped every inch of her body with his tongue and pursued her down long, endless nights of desire. He made her cry and he made her beg and he kissed her like a wildfire. She tasted her own blood when his fangs snagged her lips. And when he was finished with seduction, she had no strength left to resist him. His body plundered hers while Kagome's fingers went numb, pulling at his hair so hard he should have been bald.

Demons apparently had much stronger hair in addition to everything else and the silky strands never broke in her frenzied grip. He wasn't gentle with her, it hurt like hell and she tried not to cry out because it seemed to go on forever. Afterwards, he was breathing hard and ragged when he pushed himself up on his hands and stared into her face.

"You're mine," he said coldly. "I've claimed you, I've covered you with my scent and filled you with my seed. You belong to me, Kagome. Don't you ever forget it because I'll kill us both before I let you go."

She believed him, she still believed him even as her feet in their worn shoes carried her down to the village in the night. She was owned, she was bound; she was no longer the person she used to be. She had to find another way, escape from the demon he had become. She wanted to go home and forget there'd ever been a half demon, and a girl, and a mystical jewel that contained the power of four souls and made the man she loved into hell on earth.

"You'll kill us both before you let me go," she whispered, staring down at the sleeping village. "It might come to that, Inuyasha, it just might."


	2. Two

Possession 02

_**Present Day**_

Kagome was awoken by the touch of a soft, respectful hand on her shoulder.

"Ma'am?"

The flight attendant hovered over her, regretful of waking her first-class passenger. "We'll be landing in Tokyo in a few minutes, ma'am. Please put on your seatbelt."

She nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes and deeply regretting the drinks she'd consumed in flight. Her head was pounding and the inside of her mouth had the texture of a sandbox and the taste of bitter alcohol. She looked out the window, seeing the familiar patterns of her homeland as the plane made its approach. How long had it been since she'd been back to her childhood home?

At least seven years, she decided. It had to be at least seven. She'd seen her family since then, flying them out for quick, expensive visits to Hawaii and showing off her rather astounding success. She didn't scrimp when it came to things like that, her mother didn't have to work at all if she didn't want to and Kagome was pleased to have Souta enrolled in an excellent school. Her little brother didn't want to go to university, he'd wanted to take a year or two off to travel and see the world.

Kagome smiled, thinking of Souta's determination to become a rock star, or a professional baseball player, whichever came first. Between her and her mother, they'd managed to convince him to continue his education. He didn't like it, but he wasn't going to shame himself by refusing his sister's generosity. She'd worked so hard to become a success; it would be an embarrassment to the family if he didn't take the advantages she was prepared to offer him.

Kagome studied the ceiling of the cabin, her fingers twirling idly on the armrests. At least she'd managed to change into more appropriate clothing before getting herself drunk enough to sleep. She was dressed all in black as befit one in mourning. Since receiving the news, she hadn't let herself think much about her grandfather.

They'd been close once and she'd adored him as a young girl. As she'd grown up and asserted herself more and more, their relationship had become distant and strained. Jii-chan didn't understand why she'd insisted on sealing the well, but then again, she never told her family a single word about what Inuyasha had become.

When she'd finally returned home through the well, that last heart wrenching time, she'd deliberately turned her back on everything that had happened on the other side. How could she tell them that the man she loved was perfectly capable now of coming through that well and visiting a vindictive punishment on them for her disobedience? She didn't want them to know, so she hadn't explained anything.

Her family had wondered and worried at her silence, at the anger that poured off her body in waves. She'd thrown herself into her schoolwork with a blinding fury, ignoring her friends and everything else to make the top grades. She needed to make perfect grades in order to undo the damage she'd done to her education. Perfection was all she could tolerate even now. Kagome Higurashi held herself to extreme standards and lesser beings were to be held in contempt.

As the plane slowed for landing, Kagome braced herself for the little twinge in her stomach when they touched down. It was no secret that she didn't like flying, it was also no secret that she flew constantly. Scott had asked her about that once, why she continued to take cases and assignments that required so much travel.

At first, she'd been able to pass it off as just ambition. If she wanted to get the notice of important people, she needed to take on the high profile and difficult cases that meant constant travel, constant living out a suitcase. Ironically, that was the one aspect of her life that held any similarity to her former life in the warring states era. She was still living out of a backpack, albeit the backpack had grown in size and had expensive designer tags.

Even though she didn't like flying, she disliked being idle much more. Kagome enjoyed her work, enjoyed it passionately. She loved being the one in control, the one with all the power who made the decisions. It was delicious and she also adored the satisfaction that came with doing things better than anyone else her age. She'd had to step on a few toes along her way, but that was how the game was played. If her associates didn't like it, they could kiss her lily-white ass.

She used everything to advantage and never missed a trick. Being smart and ruthless didn't hurt, being born with a beautiful face and having a sexy body didn't hurt either. No one who knew her well would have accused her of sleeping her way to the top. She didn't have to; she was too damn good at what she did to rely solely on pleasuring some man to bring her success. But it smoothed the way in some respects. She'd been very lucky to have gotten the job with her firm right out of law school, too damn green to be useful, but smart and thirsty for experience.

She'd been in competition with four others for it, all of them top in their classes, all ambitious and hungry. In the final interviews, the senior partner who had the final decision had smiled at her with a trace of condescension, folded his hands on his desk and asked a question.

"Miss Higurashi, your credentials are impeccable. This firm would be indeed lucky to have a candidate like you in this job. I've asked the same question of your rivals and now I'm asking you. What is it that sets you apart? What is it that makes you different? Why should I choose you above the others who are every bit as capable and deserving of the position?"

She'd been waiting for it, she'd been anticipating and counting on it. Kagome had been studying him closely as he'd evaluated her and she hadn't missed a single time his eyes had lingered on her breasts or her legs.

She had deliberately restrained herself from dressing provocatively, unlike the other two female candidates. Instead her skirt was almost shapeless, hanging unfashionably past her knees. The heavy suit jackets and dull blouses made her appear matronly compared to other young women her age. Her glossy dark hair that usually fell over her shoulders in loose waves had been primly tied up in a bun.

She looked like a schoolteacher, she knew it and knew that it had captured the attention of those who wondered why such a beautiful woman would hesitate to use her appearance in every way possible. Was it because she wanted to get her position solely on the credentials of her brain and her worthiness?

No.

Kagome stood, looking at him with a cool and distant expression she'd spent hours mastering. Then she'd let her clothing drop, piece by drab, dull piece. As more and more perfect, snow white skin had been revealed he'd said nothing, just watched her. When she'd bared her chest, he'd taken a sharp, congested breath and eased back in his chair. The remote expression vanished and his eyes now burned with want. She raised her arms and released her heavy mass of hair, letting it fall over her shoulders in shining waves.

And she felt no shame at all, none, only a cruel sense of satisfaction as she stepped out of her clunky shoes to walk around the side of his desk. He turned to face her as she straddled his legs and sat down in his lap. Very gently, she took the sides of his face and drew him to her, stopping when the man's lips touched the tip of one perfect breast, his tongue darting out helplessly, his hands grabbing for her hips. He pressed his mouth against her flesh hungrily and Kagome smiled.

"What makes me different, Yubari-san? What sets me apart from the others?" she said softly as he sucked at her breast. He wasn't even listening by now and her whisper drifted over his head like a wish.

"What makes me different is that you're going to give me the job."

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

Kagome's hands shook as she took the package from Kaede. "You're sure this will work?" she asked and tried not to curse herself for being a fool. The old priestess sighed heavily, kneeling down on the plain wooden floor of her hut. Kagome sat also, more graceful in the way her knees bent and her legs tucked under her.

"It will work," Kaede said, folding her hands in her lap. "You tell me your grandfather is a shrine priest, he will be able to assist you."

"I never said he was good at it," Kagome put in quickly. She remembered how her grandfather had tried to seal the well once before and Inuyasha had just breezed by his sutras and incantations like they were nothing. And that was when he was only half demon. This would be different, she thought, her palm flattening over the small, wrapped package of wards and sutras Kaede had prepared for her.

This time it would be her sealing the well, her power alone that would keep the portal closed. As far as she knew, Inuyasha was the only demon that could possibly use the well; therefore the incantations had been specifically designed to resist his youki. All they needed now was for Kagome to have the will to use them. Her jaw hardened. To protect her family, she had no other choice.

Kaede watched the emotions flicker over the girl's face. Hope and desperation, denial and grief. Determination and bitterness so vivid it made her heart want to break. So much pain, so much hardship the girl had endured in her quest to protect the jewel from Naraku. Only to complete her task successfully, right the things that went wrong and cast that hell spawn monster back into the darkness from which he'd come. Kaede felt old and tired as she looked at her young friend.

"When are you planning to do this?" the elderly priestess asked.

"Tonight," Kagome answered, her fingers playing with the frayed edges of her sleeves. Kaede eyed her critically, seeing the dark circles under her eyes, the almost painful thinness of her frame. The way she jumped at the slightest sound, flushed in humiliation when she spoke.

_What is he doing to her_, the old priestess wondered, _beyond what a man does with a woman he desires?_

It was her spirit that was being broken. That was why Kaede was willing to take the risk of angering the youkai who stalked the forest. She no longer called him by his name, when she saw him she clamped her lips together to keep from railing at him.

_Look at her_, Kaede wanted to scream. _Look what you're doing to the girl who loves you. You're breaking her apart with your cruelty. Let her go, Inuyasha, let the child go back to her family and the people that love her_.

"I'm leaving tonight," Kagome said, sounding as if she needed to make herself believe it. "After he's asleep, I'll go to the well. He's sure he can come after me whenever he wants, that means that he won't hurry. He doesn't think the well can be sealed against him. He's sure he's too strong."

"I hope he's wrong," Kaede said quietly. If this failed, Kagome would almost certainly die a painful death after witnessing her family's torture and execution. Youkai, she thought in anger. Damn the demon, she never should have forced them together. Her own guilt was keenly felt, was it not herself that had given Kagome the rosary that bound Inuyasha, was it not herself that had insisted the girl and the hanyou work together to recover the shards?

She remembered that conversation very well, how he'd blatantly informed them that he was after the jewel for his own reasons. Like Kagome and everyone else, she'd thought he'd changed. She thought the girl had melted away his anger, warmed his heart with her steadfast devotion.

What a way to find out they'd all been wrong about him, what a price to pay. In spite of the risk and the knowledge that he might take out his frustration on her, Kaede resolved to do whatever she could to save Kagome. She'd been too young to protect her sister; she wasn't going to let Kagome die as well.

"I should be going," the girl mumbled, standing up. Kaede also stood, cursing her old bones as they reminded her of her age. "Kagome child," she said, holding out her arms. It would likely be the very last time she saw the girl, she fervently hoped it was so.

"If I'd ever had a daughter," the priestess said warmly, "I'd want her to be just like you."

Kagome buried herself in Kaede's arms. "You've always been so kind, even from the beginning you were kind. Promise me you'll look after Shippou for me, I can't stand the idea of him being all alone in the world."

After Sango and Miroku's deaths, the little fox had become withdrawn, almost feral. He'd clung to her for a time, seeking comfort where he could. She knew he was still in the forest somewhere; he came to the village for food now and then. The villagers weren't happy about it, seeing him as the demon he really was, but Kaede was different and insisted that as long as the kitsune child caused no harm to the human residents there was no reason to run him off.

Shippou was terrified of Inuyasha now, having seen what his friend had become in his greed and desire for power. Kagome flinched, knowing why the little fox stayed away from her. He'd seen the way she let Inuyasha use her at night, heard the sounds that came from her throat and he must have recoiled in fear. She couldn't explain such matters to a child anyway; she was barely more than a child herself although in this era she was a woman grown. It would be like explaining to Souta, something she had no intention of doing.

How could she ever tell her little brother that the hero he'd worshiped had become something else entirely, something dark and cruel?

"I have to go," she said at last, regretfully breaking Kaede's embrace. "He'll come looking for me soon."

_**Present Day**_

_I really must give Grace a raise_, Kagome thought as she exited the airport. A sleek black sedan was waiting for her, the name Higurashi spelled out in kanji and English letters on the placard the uniformed driver carried. She'd been intending to take a taxi to her mother's home, but as usual her secretary had anticipated her every need.

Her heels clicked against the pavement as she approached the car. Kagome's dark hair was sleek and held back at the nape of her neck by a single black ribbon, the sophisticated cut of her clothing made it cling to her frame. She knew how she looked and smiled behind her dark glasses at the appreciative looks being cast her way.

Men had actually stopped to watch her swaying walk. She looked expensive, exotic and alluring, as well as utterly unattainable.

It was a psychological game she played upon the males of the species. Kagome enjoyed making men want her, but she enjoyed crushing them even more. Sometimes it was in the boardroom when she weaseled a deal that left the other side gasping. Sometimes it was the cold dismissal she gave them in the bedroom when she finished with a lover. That was part of the reason she'd divorced Scott, he didn't satisfy her need for dominance, it was too easy and Kagome didn't like things to be too easy.

_Why did I ever marry him_, she wondered. The driver of the car slipped his placard under his arm with a crisp gesture and opened her door without saying a word.

Kagome didn't so much as nod to him, knowing that western manners regarding service people would be woefully out of place in Japan. She settled herself in the plush interior of the car and helped herself to a small bottle of mineral water. Her head still ached from the scotch she'd had on the plane and she did not want to greet her mother smelling like a drunkard.

As the car moved smoothly away from the curb, her luggage carefully stowed in the back, she crossed her silk clad legs and leaned back with a sigh. She was home, the air in her nostrils reminded her of childhood. Her mother was not going to be happy when she informed her of the divorce. Mrs. Higurashi had liked Scott from the moment they'd met and why not? He was charming and handsome, so polite he made everyone he spoke to feel like royalty.

_That's why I married him_, she thought, answering her own question. _I knew that I could control him; I knew that everyone would adore him and gush on about how perfect he was for me. How he'd make me happy_.

As if either of them had been truly happy in the marriage, it still astonished her that he'd fought her on the divorce. It was the only time he'd ever fought her about anything.

It was that spinelessness that had driven them apart, made her hunger for other men to touch her. She was just defective when it came down to it. He was beautiful and not too bright, but he had a winning smile and a warm personality that made people melt like butter.

A useful quality when you were on a career fast track that meant you had to display an impressive spouse. Scott's family had money, but she hadn't married him for that. It didn't mean a damn thing to her other than it would impress her colleagues and associates.

And he'd reminded her of someone that she'd cared about. With his dark hair and deep blue eyes, he could have been Miroku's brother. Kagome hadn't been in love with the monk, but she missed him acutely when she allowed herself to think about it. She was sure he would have helped her, prevented Inuyasha from using that jewel. Of course, Scott hadn't had any of Miroku's wisdom to compliment his charm and she'd never seen him try to grope anyone. She might have had more respect for him if he did.

The ride passed far too quickly for her preference and Kagome sat in the car after it had stopped and dreaded the next few hours. She had to spend some time with her mother, that wasn't what she dreaded. It was the house itself, it was going up to her old room and letting the memories of her teenage years wash over her.

It was looking out her bedroom window and seeing the grounds of the shrine, avoiding letting her eyes linger for too long on a certain shack that contained a certain well. There was a tree on those grounds she also had to avoid, if she stood under its branches and looked at it too hard, she was going to cry her heart out. And Kagome hated crying more than anything else.

She didn't think about him anymore, she told herself that at least twice a day. She was pleased with her life now and found nothing lacking about it. Kagome had the kind of job ordinary people fantasized about, the glamorous lifestyle that was lauded in the movies and on television. She had an endless supply of skilled lovers to take care of her sexual needs, wanting nothing from them other than what their strong bodies could provide.

And none of them left her vulnerable, that was what she liked best about them. They'd never made her feel the way Inuyasha had, but that didn't matter. None of them had ever made her feel as horrible, damaged and worthless either. Kagome's fingers tightened on the door handle even as the driver opened it, extending a gracious palm to assist her. She allowed him and stood staring at the tall steps that would take her into the shrine.

"The car has been hired to be at your disposal, ma'am," the driver said politely. He extended a small card to her and gave her a very Japanese bow of respect. "Just call the number when you wish for transport."

Kagome nodded slightly and turned away, taking the steps slowly. Her thoughts were dark and depression settled over her shoulders like a burial shroud. She had to come back here someday; she'd always known it.

_I hate you_. Twenty steps from the top.

_I hate what you did to me_. Ten steps from the top. Oh dear god.

_I'll never forgive you_. Five steps from the top.

_I can see the tree from here…_

_I'm so sorry Inuyasha._


	3. Three

Possession 03

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

He was hurting her.

Kagome grit her teeth and braced her back, trying to keep from being driven into the ground by her lover. He wasn't even pretending to be gentle this time, instead he was all over her like he had something to prove, some old score to settle. Kagome could only pray that it would be over soon before she had to beg him to stop.

It would be useless anyway; Inuyasha didn't feel compassion. He was a demon. She was just his possession to use as he pleased, when he pleased, how he pleased. She bit her lip hard and willed herself not to scream or to plead with him to go easier on her frail human body.

She'd had a feeling it would be a long night, he'd been ignoring her during the days, disappearing into the woods for hours and suddenly appearing as soon as she ended her lonely day. Sometimes he had blood on his clothes and under his claws but she didn't dare ask what had happened.

She'd slipped Kaede's package into the bottom of her bag, hiding it under some old tattered clothes and the few bits and pieces of her former life. As badly as she wanted to make a run for the well, she held herself back. Inuyasha was suspicious, Inuyasha was flaming paranoid, and if she smelled of anyone other than Kaede he would have gone into a rage. If she didn't stay exactly where he'd wanted her, she could expect to be hunted down.

It was no way to live.

She'd been sitting by the fire that burned in their small hut, watching the flames dance. Maybe he wouldn't come back at all, maybe he would finally meet up with something more menacing than himself. She could only hope. So she'd felt a trace of disappointment when he'd finally bounded in the door, his hair standing up wildly from his head. Her nose wrinkled automatically, smelling the blood and she saw he was injured. He stalked over to her, glaring like it was her fault.

"What happened?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Nothing," he barked, stripping off his haori and shirt. "Some idiots thought they could take me, followed me down to the caves by the river and attacked me when I wasn't looking."

"Who was it?" she asked, curious in spite of herself. "Demons?"

He grinned nastily. "No, humans this time. They weren't from around here, you wouldn't know them." He sat down, expecting her to clean the scratches. They'd heal on their own but he'd come to enjoy her attentiveness over the years. He said he liked the way it felt when she took care of him.

Ironic that he'd say that now, it would have been like pulling teeth to get him to admit it before. Silently, she cleaned the wounds that were already closing before her eyes. Then it occurred to her to think about what he'd said, the implications of his words. "Why would humans attack you?"

"Because I'm a demon, you stupid bitch," he yawned. She let the insult roll off her. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, she chanted to herself. Don't fight with him tonight. Still, the part of her that wanted to rescue the world wouldn't let her leave it alone.

"I don't understand," she said timidly. "Humans usually run away from demons."

His bark of a laugh startled her and he turned around swiftly, launching himself at her and flattening her on the floor. She hissed when he bit her breast through her shirt.

"You're so naive, Kagome," he purred into her chest. "So innocent and dumb. Humans should run away from demons if they're smart. These ones weren't that smart, they thought they could take me with their little spears and swords. Told me to keep my dirty youkai self out of their village and away from their women."

He snorted in disgust. "Like I'd want one of their used up whores. I already have a woman. I couldn't just leave after they said that, I had to teach them a lesson."

"What kind of lesson?" she breathed. He growled into her neck, licking her throat with his long, rough tongue. She reached up and grabbed his hair in her fists. "Inuyasha, you didn't kill anyone, did you?"

He raised his head and looked at her. "Yeah, so what? They attacked me remember? The ones I let live will tell the others not to be so stupid."

"You didn't have to kill them," she said, tears prickling in her eyes.

"I wanted to," he said, his voice growing husky with lust, moving down her body until was kneeling over her. She gasped when he shoved his face between her legs, his claws digging into her hips.

"I wanted to kill them," he said as his attentions started to make her quake. "It felt good, almost as good as this feels right now."

_Once upon a time, a girl loved a hanyou boy_…

Her vision blurred as the pleasure started to take her apart. Kagome felt each of her bones break, her muscles tear and her skin wither and flake away. She was lost in a rising tide; she was drowning in a sea of her own weakness.

This has to stop, she thought, her mental voice weak and protesting. Her little blunt fingertips tried to dig into the rough wood of the floor, she'd have splinters in her butt if he didn't move her the thin futon that served as their bed. She hated him for this, hated him for touching her when she should revile him. It felt like she was betraying herself, losing herself, giving up.

_Once upon a time there was a princess_...

She jerked convulsively and clutched his hair. He pulled back and turned her away from him.

_Once upon a time, a priestess was in love with the son of a demon_…

Her mouth tasted like ashes, her wrists wouldn't stop trembling. Inuyasha pressed a fanged kiss between her shoulder blades and made her skin shiver in response. She was so lost she didn't even remember where she was going. Everything was upside down and inside out. It was more than she could deal with and she let her body go limp under his as Inuyasha stroked her hair and licked the back of her neck.

_**Present Day**_

"Kagome," her mother said warmly, reaching out to take her daughter's hands. "Look at you, you're so beautiful I don't know what to say."

"Mama," she murmured as her mother embraced her. It felt better than she had remembered; it made her angry at herself about how long it had been since she'd seen her. Her mother never remonstrated her for it; that might have made Kagome feel less guilty if she had.

But Mrs. Higurashi wasn't like that, not at all. She'd worked long hours and driven herself to provide for her children. Her husband had died young, leaving her with a little insurance money and a lot of bills. They'd gotten by, living at her family's shrine and watching their luxuries. Then her daughter had turned fifteen and disappeared down a dank old well.

Kagome marveled at her mother, the serene and sweet expression that offered her only love and unconditional acceptance. She didn't know why her mother had ever let it continue. Sometimes she cursed the fact that she had.

Was I really so willful, she thought in amusement. What kind of mother would let her daughter run around with a temperamental half demon boy? Neglect her schoolwork, neglect her family obligations and give up all pretense of a normal teenage life. Her mother should have filled the well with cement, not tweaked his ears and made him blush like a little boy.

Her mother should have lectured her about sacrificing her grades for the nebulous reason of saving the world. Her mother should have been selfish and laid down the law that hell no, you aren't going anywhere with that rude young man. I will not have my daughter putting her life in such danger. But Kagome's mother had been a shrine maiden herself, raised by a father that liked to tell tall tales about the old ways.

Kagome had used to love those stories herself, thinking of jiichan's warm voice repeating them over her head when she was just a little girl. He'd whispered about monsters and dragons, fairy tales of heroes and villains, brave samurai and greedy landlords.

Thinking of that, a strange feeling started in the back of her throat and Kagome coughed to cover it up. The tight feeling felt suspiciously like a sob and it was also likely that she might just be reacting the sights and smells of childhood. She had loved her grandfather and she was here to pay her respects to him, not sob like a maudlin little child and wallow in grief.

Her mother squeezed her hand, knowing perhaps, that her daughter was fighting the emotions. Either that or thinking she'd caught a cold on the plane, Mrs. Higurashi was nothing if not practical. "Let's go inside, dear," she told her daughter. "I'll make you some tea."

Tea, she thought, wrinkling her nose. She preferred coffee, hot and steaming, very strong with just a splash of milk. Tea seemed insipid and didn't charge her in the morning. Fresh, rich coffee, island grown Kona, brewed in the early dawn so that the smell of it warmed every corner of her kitchen. Kagome smiled faintly as she accepted a cup from her mother, seeing the pale liquid with just a few leaves floating regally on the top.

It was a different pace of life; this wasn't her culture anymore. She felt like a prisoner that had been let out on parole only to be dragged back for some indiscretion. What that indiscretion had been, she couldn't be sure.

There was an ample enough list, Kagome thought wryly, sipping her tea and letting the calming aroma slow her anxious heart. Her eyes closed, giving herself over to it, the sensation of time slowing down. She didn't have to be strong right now, her mother was there and that was what really mattered.

"So how is Scott?" Mrs. Higurashi asked pleasantly, offering her daughter a small plate of cakes. "I'm sorry he wasn't able to make the trip with you, I so looked forward to seeing him."

Time cracked, she could feel the sand sifting out from under her feet. "He's fine," she said smoothly, not really giving a damn if it wasn't true.

"I'm sorry he couldn't get away from work," her mother said as she added a little hot water to the teapot. "What a shame for you to make the trip alone."

"Did you...speak to him?" Kagome asked, covering her consternation with her teacup. Damn him, did he call here? Was he crazy enough to track me down to my mother's? Damn that stupid, irresponsible...

"I'm sorry, my dear," Mrs. Higurashi said. "I was anxious about what time your flight was arriving so I called your office. That kind Grace of yours told me that you took the first flight as soon as news reached you. She said your husband would have liked to accompany you, but was otherwise obligated."

Silently, she praised her secretary's resourcefulness. She wasn't ready to talk about the fact that she had divorced her husband. Actually, she wanted a few hundred miles of sea between her and her mother when she broke the news. And her mother didn't need to hear it, not right now. Scott's lack of husbandly qualities and her infidelity were hardly the conversations she wished to have over her grandfather's shroud. Time spiraled in again and Kagome pulled the cords tight. She could do this.

They talked about the weather for a bit, then a lengthy complaint session about Souta's grades. Kagome grinned, enjoying her mother's company as her mother recounted her impression of Souta's latest girlfriend.

"She has purple hair, Kagome. Purple hair!"

And Inuyasha had dog-ears, Kagome thought with a wicked grin. She wondered if Souta and jiichan had been the ones to listen to her mother's impression of that. It wasn't like she could have complained about it to her friends.

_My daughter is in love with a hanyou, she follows him around five hundred years in the past and does battle with evil demons_.

Other women got to brag about their daughters' grades, their daughters' accomplishments. What had she given her mother at that age?

_My daughter can purify a host of youkai and still flunked biology_…

It was getting late and Kagome was beginning to think of calling for her car. Grace had made reservations for her in a trendy hotel; she was looking forward to unwinding by herself and started to make her apologies when her mother's stricken face caught her attention.

"You can't be serious, Kagome! You don't need to stay in a hotel, we have plenty of room for you here."

"Mama, I've already made arrangements. I don't want to impose on you." That seemed safe, that seemed polite. How could her mother object to such a reasonable explanation?

Mrs. Higurashi stood up and started rewashing the dishes in the sink. Kagome watched her narrowly, frowning at the stiff line of her mother's shoulders. "Mama?"

"You haven't been home in almost seven years, Kagome. I don't think I'm asking too much of you to stay here for a few days. It's just that the house feels so empty with your grandfather gone."

"Souta," she said weakly. Her brother still slept here often, complaining of his dorm mates that liked to stay up all night playing video games and drinking cheap beer.

Her mother frowned at her. "He has finals this week, Kagome. I told him to stay at university to study. After all the complaining I did this semester, he's finally managed to bring his grades up. I can't ask him to commute for two hours in the morning and two hours at night because I'm scared to be alone."

Already lost this battle, Kagome thought and was glad none of her colleagues would see her cave like a green intern under pressure. "All right, mama," she sighed, her spine slumping in defeat. "I'll have my luggage sent here in the morning. But right now I'm dead tired and the jet lag is going to kill me. I think I'd just like a hot shower and then bed. We can talk more in the morning."

"Of course," Mrs. Higurashi said, snapping her fingers. Kagome grinned, recognizing the gesture as one of her own, the one she made when she'd just sealed a sweet deal. She suddenly felt much lighter, her spirit lifted by the simple act of making her mother happy.

It's been too long since I felt like this, she thought as she went up to her childhood bedroom. She still had her carry on bag and her laptop, too many years of travel habits were programmed in her mind.

It came in handy this time; there were items that Kagome's life didn't allow her to live without. Her cell, her PDA, her laptop with all the notes for her upcoming cases. A bottle of mouthwash and a travel sized toothbrush. Moisturizer and birth control pills. A change of clothes, comfortable shoes, and best of all, a bar of expensive, imported Swiss dark chocolate to chase away the blues. Whoever had said that only boy scouts came prepared had never encountered Kagome Higurashi.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

After he'd fallen asleep, she made her move. Gritting her teeth, she dressed as quickly and quietly as she could. This was so dangerous; any minute the hard pounding of her heart might wake him. She was sore as hell between her legs but Kagome forced her mind to think about something else.

It doesn't matter, she told herself stubbornly. You have to go and you need to do it now before he figures out you're planning something.

Silent as a shadow, desperate as a promise, she ran through the forest. The moonlight sparkled on her pale skin, lighting the fever in her eyes. The well, she had to reach the well. What if he woke, what if she didn't make it? Kagome refused to think about that further and almost wept with relief when she finally reached the clearing and the old dry well that was no well, but a portal to the future and safety.

Whispering Kaede's instructions to herself, Kagome dropped next to the well and dug for the soft package of spells. Carefully, she laid the sutras on the lip of the well, one on each of the four sides. That was the trick, the well had to be sealed from both sides. Only sealing from the one side left a gap, an incomplete vibration in the magic.

She tucked the remaining wards into the waistband of her skirt, not wanting them to be parted from her skin. Kagome knelt and said the incantations that would begin the process, whispering the ancient words like a supplicant's plea, a condemned man's promises; a faithless woman's apologies.

Standing up, she readied herself for the one last jump that would free her. She took a deep breath, knowing she was about to shut the door on her life here, everything she'd experienced. It was about to be over, it had to be. Once she made the jump and finished the seal on the other side, the well wouldn't open again.

Not even she herself would be able to lift the seal. All a demon's rage and fury wouldn't lift it either, she would be safe, her family would be safe and she would never ever see Inuyasha again.

She had just taken a step towards the well when the blow came from behind. He hit her hard enough to crack her skull, sending her small frame crashing hard into the ground. Her head rang with bells, her ears full of static and white noise. She was barely conscious when cruel hands seized her from behind, hauling her up against a hard chest and a rough voice ground itself like doom into her ear.

"Going somewhere, bitch?"

He spun her around, bruising her shoulders. "You think I didn't know what you and the old bat were planning?" he shouted right in her face. "You think I'm stupid, you think you can hide anything from me? I could smell deceit on you, bitch, you reek of it. Even between your legs you reek of nothing but lies!"

"Stop it," she cried, tearing at his wrists. He was so much stronger than her and even from the beginning she hadn't known how to resist him. If she hadn't had the rosary to control him, she might never have lived long enough to fall in love with him. He shook her hard and her head snapped back on her neck like it belonged on a broken doll.

Oh dear gods, he was going to kill her this time, Kagome could see her broken body left lying beside the well, she could see her blood on his fists. She had nothing left to lose and concentrated every last ounce of her spiritual strength into her hands and grabbed his wrists as hard as she could. There was a sizzle and a yelp before Inuyasha dropped her, waving his hands like they'd been burned.

Outraged, he glared down at her. "You tried to purify me!"

Kagome pushed herself up grimly. "I'd say you need it! Look at yourself, Inuyasha! Look at what you've done; listen to what you've been saying. Is this what you wanted when you used the jewel, is this what you dreamed of?"

She was astonished, it seemed like her words were reaching him. Instead of coming after her again, he stopped and stared up at the sky. "No," he said quietly. "It's not what I thought it would be."

Hardly daring to breathe, Kagome held herself still. The moonlight lit his face, washing over his hair in silver radiance, making his eyes shine like jewels. His shoulders slumped, his ears laid back flat on his head. His voice was so soft she had to strain herself to hear it, if she hadn't seen his lips move she might have thought his words were a dream of her own imagination.

Inuyasha's smile was bitter as he glanced back at Kagome. "I never thought I'd drive you away."

She swallowed and slowly pulled herself to her feet. She still felt lightheaded and her feet were uncertain, her knees wobbly and confused. "I never thought you'd make me scared of you," she said, making her tone full of regret.

"Am I so terrible?" he asked, turning to face her. "Damn it, Kagome, I didn't mean for this to happen. It's just so much I can't stand it. Something's burning inside my head, talking to me, telling me crazy things. I don't know what to believe is real anymore. I think I'm going nuts."

She moved closer, hands clasped in front of her chest. "You have to fight it. I still believe in you, Inuyasha. I never stopped."

His head dropped, his hair fanning over his face as he turned away from her. "Maybe it would be safer if you did go away for awhile. At least then you'll be safe from me. I don't want to hurt you, Kagome."

She went to him and reached for him, putting her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. "You won't," she breathed, ecstatic. "And I'll still be here for you, no matter what."

His arm curved around her and Kagome closed her eyes in relief. Inuyasha buried his face in her hair; she could feel his warm breath whisper over her throat. His grip grew tighter, more possessive and a trace of worry raced up her backbone. "Inuyasha?"

He didn't answer, but crushed his forearms across her back until she cried out. "You're breaking my back," she wailed, grabbing at his hair.

"I know," he hissed and she saw redness glinting in his eyes. "It hurts, doesn't it, bitch? Maybe next time you'll think before trying to run away from me."

Kagome sagged in his arms. "You...you just said..."

He grinned at her with sharp fangs. "I lied."

Inuyasha grunted as she fought against him, finally pushing her back with his fist buried in her shirt. Then he slapped her, an open palmed strike that was only a fraction of his true strength but still sent shocks of burning pain across her face. She went numb and something inside of Kagome Higurashi died in that moment.

She didn't feel a thing anymore; all the connections between her heart and her mind and her body had been severed in that one sharp second of betrayal. She barely noticed as he bent her over the side of the well, preparing to take her hard and violent.

"I'm not going to stop this time," he hissed into her ear. "You're going to learn or you're going to die from it."

I choose to die then, Kagome thought fuzzily. I would have died for you, Inuyasha.

"Foxfire!"

Inuyasha snarled as he was unexpectedly blinded, a killing rage evolving in his eyes. "Shippou, you little bastard!" He dropped Kagome and turned to chase after the lightning fast kitsune.

"Kagome!" The little fox dodged the angry inuyoukai and ran past the stunned human girl. "Go down the well, get away from him while you can!"

"I'm going to kill you, runt," Inuyasha spat, his claws looking long, sharp and deadly. Pure demon essence was pouring off him and Kagome suddenly saw her lover for what he truly was, for what he had become. A true demon with all the pitiless cruelty and all the vicious desires of his kind.

"Shippou, no!" she screamed.

Shippou cried out frantically when Inuyasha's hand closed on his tail. He swung the fox hard into a tree, stunning him. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this," Inuyasha cried out joyously.

Blood was trickling from the kitsune's nose and mouth when Inuyasha cocked back his fist and drove it hard into the boy's face. Then he dropped Shippou's unconscious body on the ground and turned to Kagome with murder in his face.

Kagome closed her eyes. She didn't know if Shippou was alive, if he was dead it was her fault. Shaking her head, she couldn't look at Inuyasha as he bore down on her, couldn't face him. She didn't want to ever see that look in his eyes again. It was just a bad dream, just a nightmare.

There was no kitsune to bravely sacrifice his life; there was no hanyou to be driven insane by a corrupt jewel of power. There had never been a monk or a demon slayer to have their lives ended too short. There was no priestess who was weak and diseased by longing and doubt.

There was no rosary. There was no jewel. There was no Kagome. Only a dark void that called her in a voice seductive as a golden-eyed glance, irresistible as a demon's hot kisses on her skin. She was backed against the edge of the well; it would be a simple thing now to fall inside.

One hand strayed to her waist where Kaede's sutras had remained safe. Assured of her path, like she'd never given her soul away in the first place, like it didn't burn her heart to have it all end like this, Kagome smiled and leaned back.

And she fell.


	4. Four

Possession 04

_**Present Day**_

Kagome awoke with a snort. She tried to sit up and found herself trapped between squashy pillows and the open screen of her laptop. She must have fallen asleep while working on the Szubei merger. Groaning, she sat up and tapped a few keys, hoping she'd had the presence of mind to save her work before dropping into unconsciousness.

Jet lag was hell.

It looked like the gods weren't completely against her. At least not today, she amended. She found she was satisfied with the briefs she'd written and decided to take the rest of the day for herself. No more working, she admonished as she went to go brush her teeth.

The back of her throat tasted of bitter tea and Kagome was sure that something foul had nested under her tongue. She took care of her morning needs briskly, tying back her hair in a ponytail and changing into a pair of baggy sweats and her oversized UCal sweatshirt. The shirt had belonged to Scott and was the only thing of his that she'd taken in the divorce.

He probably hadn't even noticed it missing yet, but when Kagome wore the shirt she was reminded of her first year of law school and bonfires on the beach with her friends. That was where she'd met Scott and this was the very same hooded sweatshirt he'd been wearing at the time.

She grinned at the memory, she'd had at least three beers too many and he'd been so shy she'd had a terrible time making conversation. Conversation hadn't been on her mind that night anyway. She didn't care if the gorgeous hunk was smart or so stupid he would take off his shoes to count.

One thing she had learned by then was how to size up a man. Some went all weird if you were too aggressive, then she had to play the game of making him be the one to draw her out. Some liked the chase; the excitement of talking a girl out of her panties in less time than it took to down a cheeseburger and a margarita.

Kagome personally found both of those types boring. What she liked was a guy who would stare at her from across the room or from on the other side of a campfire. She liked it when he pretended that he really didn't want her as badly as she knew he did. Even more than that she liked the flicker of confusion and jealousy in his eyes when she talked to every other man but him.

When she finally sauntered over, dropping down into the sand and making sure he saw the way she licked her lips, she had his undivided attention. Poor Scott didn't have a chance that night, she was half drunk and all the way horny and something about his eyes and his smile made her warm inside. After a few minutes of polite conversation, she'd dragged the befuddled young man over a sand dune and damn near raped him senseless.

"I never should have given him my number," she muttered as she made her way to the kitchen.

It was still relatively early, her waking and sleeping schedule still attuned to Honolulu time. She wondered if her mother was going to make her an old fashioned breakfast. Pancakes and syrup sounded divine but she thought she might be asking a little too much for there to be bacon or sausage. Kagome spent so much time traveling that she'd nearly forgotten how to cook for herself.

After all, this was no restaurant; it was her mother's home.

What she found in the kitchen was a note from her mother and a covered pot on the stove. The note explained that her mother had gone out to make some arrangements for jiichan's funeral and her breakfast was still hot on the stove. Kagome went to investigate the lidded pot and stared at the contents in amusement. Miso soup with chunks of tofu and onions floating on the top.

She grinned and covered the pot, amused. "Toto, we're not in Hawaii anymore."

She wondered whom she'd have to kill to get a decent cup of coffee though. A quick investigation left her with the knowledge that her mother didn't drink coffee but there was an astonishing assortment of different teas, both loose leaf and bags, including one decaffeinated brand. Shaking her head, Kagome decided to make do with a can of soda that she'd found tucked in the back of the refrigerator.

"Thank you, Souta," she murmured as she tipped the can back and the cold beverage made her throat ache.

Still a little hungry and really not in the mood for miso, she continued rifling through her mother's cupboards in hopes of finding something edible and not requiring any preparation on her part. It was improbable that she would come across a freshly baked scone or a nice lemon poppy seed muffin, but even a package of stale doughnuts would have made her happy at this point.

"Does the woman eat?" she muttered to herself, still swigging back her soda.

She came to the last cupboard and opened it warily, expecting more tea to be forced upon her. But there was no tea, and what she found made her stand still, her morning forage quite forgotten as her appetite died away. Her hand shook a little when she picked up the familiar, brightly colored package, turning it over in her hands like she'd been presented with her own death sentence.

No appeal this time, no friendly or bribable judge to ask mercy from. She couldn't stop the memories from washing over, both the bright and the horrible. Funny how seeing it in her mother's cupboard affected her so strongly, she'd walked by displays of the crap in grocery stores and never even looked twice.

Carefully, because this was not her home and throwing the offending foodstuffs out the window was not going to be acceptable, she replaced the package and closed the cupboard door.

"God, I hate ramen," she whispered bitterly.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She was in agony, absolute agony. Kagome tried not to let it show on her face, hiding her pain from the rest of her classmates. She'd studied night and day for this exam and nothing, not even the most horrible stabbing pain was going to make her miss it. It was bitter irony how many tests she'd missed for being sick when she'd really been perfectly healthy.

It hadn't been easy trying to cram a year's worth of schooling into two months, but Kagome promised herself it would be worth it, if she could just bring her grades up enough to move on to her final year with her classmates. Trig had definitely not been her strong area; she detested all math in general.

Luckily for Kagome, her friends had enthusiastically thrown themselves into the task of keeping her afloat in her studies, coming over to her house as often as they could to help her prepare for exams. They had also been considerate about not asking too many questions about her now ex-boyfriend.

Kagome was grateful, she needed all the damn help she could get. She'd worked her ass off studying for this last test and she refused to do badly. She wanted the top grades, the very top, and even if she had the worst case of indigestion in her life, she wasn't going to foul this up.

Sweat was dripping into her eyes by the time she'd finished the test. She forced herself to recheck her answers, running them over in her mind at least seven times. When the buzzer sounded, she wanted to cry with relief. The teacher walked slowly, too slowly, up the aisle collecting the test papers. Kagome cursed her for not moving faster, she needed the restroom desperately.

If she didn't puke her guts out on the way.

Ms. Hinako paused as she passed Kagome's desk and took her paper. The girl was deathly pale, sickly looking. She understood that Kagome had suffered from an astonishing array of ailments for most of her high school career, but right now the girl seemed to be holding in a cry of pain, her arms clenched tight over her midsection.

The teacher touched her gently on her shoulder. "Are you well, Higurashi?"

Kagome shook her head, trying to keep the pain out of her voice. She'd been having this pain off and on for a couple weeks, but she'd been scared to tell her mother about it. She didn't need any damn doctor.

"I'm sorry, Hinako-san," she whispered tightly. "I need to use the restroom please."

Usually Ms. Hinako was the very devil about letting her students out of class early for any reason. Having students running loose in the halls was just asking for delinquent behavior that could get out of hand. But Kagome was different; she had never given anyone a reason to think she might be a troublemaker.

The teacher nodded and handed the obviously distressed girl a pass. "You may go."

Kagome felt pain shoot down both her legs as she stood up and tried to gather her things. She was going to explode, her bladder was on fire and it felt like someone was sticking a rusty katana into her belly just above her pelvic bone. If she hadn't hurt so much, she would have tried to run for the toilet but as it was she could just barely manage a slow, aching walk.

What was the matter now, she railed at herself. Couldn't the universe give her just a little break, hadn't she already been through enough hell?

Sealing the well hadn't been difficult. Jiichan had been able to help her more than she'd expected. She'd run hot and cold as they finished the incantations that night, the same night she'd returned to her family.

Even with the seals in place, she'd had nightmares for weeks afterwards, expecting to see Inuyasha tearing his way out of the well house like a zombie rising from the grave. She'd had dreams of going down to breakfast and finding him sitting at the table as he licked her mother's blood off his claws.

Each time she woke up trying to hold back the screams. Her imagination was torturing her far more efficiently than she'd ever dreamed, no girl her age should have to endure nightly visions of slaughter.

And she couldn't, absolutely could not, explain to her family about it. Her mother already knew that she didn't sleep very well. She cried out and wept in her dreams, usually waking to a damp pillow. Only her mother's loving and accepting eyes kept her from losing it completely.

That was one of the reasons she was so determined to get through school, not only to pass, but also to excel. She wanted to make her mother proud, make her see that Kagome really hadn't ruined her life by running around like a crazed fool, trying to save the past even as she let the future die of neglect. Her mother hadn't asked many questions, but she'd had to tell jiichan something when she sealed the well.

"What are you trying to keep out?" the old man had asked as he helped her carefully place the sutras.

"Oh, nothing serious," she said cheerfully, waving her hand like it was no bother at all. "I just don't have any reason to go back there, grandfather. I just think it's for the best if nothing else can get through."

He'd looked at her shrewdly, the old man was a priest himself and he knew what he was looking at when he read Kaede's seals. "It doesn't have anything to do with that boy, does it? That Inuyasha fellow?"

"No," she said, grimly lighting a stick of incense. "It has nothing to do with him at all."

Kagome had reached the bathroom and couldn't help herself, dropping her books on the floor. It was all she could do to make herself go into the stall and sit, clutching her tummy like she expected to keep her entrails inside by force.

"God, god, god," she chanted, tearing pouring down her face. "Just let it stop, please, just let it stop."

As if in answer to her prayers, an unwelcome answer, Kagome's body filled with pain. She screamed suddenly, her hand pressing hard against the wall as she tried to claw her way out of the agony. Looking down at her lap, she was horrified to see ribbons of blood streaming down her legs, staining her skirt and the seat of the commode.

She touched the blood anxiously with her fingers. It was dark, not bright red like what would bleed from a clean cut, but instead the mysterious blood of womanhood.

She was hemorrhaging from between her legs. Kagome raised her hand, looking at her stained fingers. "What's happening to me?" she whispered brokenly. She felt dizzy, sickened, but all she could do was lean her head against the wall and cry like her soul was being torn out of her.

The sides of her vision were starting to go dark. Maybe she would pass out for a bit, that would be quite nice. Anything to get away from this horrible, cramping, twisting pain.

"Kagome?" she heard Eri's voice as her friend entered the bathroom. "Are you all right, I heard you had to leave Hinako's class early."

She couldn't breathe as her friend's footsteps filled the small room. She heard Eri kneel and pick up her books, slowly, one at a time, waiting for her response. Please go away, Kagome begged silently. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Eri's feet were right in front of her stall now and all Kagome could do was close her eyes and try to keep from slumping to the floor.

"Kagome?" Eri's voice seemed concerned. "Answer me, Kagome! Open the door!" Her friend's fist was pounding on the locked door, she heard the girl shouting for help.

"There's blood all over the floor and she won't come out!"

She'd made a mess. She was so ashamed. Some poor janitor was going to have to mop up all that sticky blood. Kagome wondered if they would wait until she felt better, she'd be glad to clean it up herself when she had the strength. She heard more pounding but she couldn't lift her head.

_I think they're going to tear the door off_, she thought fuzzily, her head dropping down as her spine curved into an unsupportive slump. I hope they aren't too angry with me, I didn't mean to make things go so wrong.

She slipped into unconsciousness even as the door to her stall was pried open and Kagome stopped worrying about what they were going to think.

_**Present Day**_

The doorbell buzzed, startling Kagome out of light nap that she'd been so enjoying. She still had the TV remote cradled in her hand and some woman was yammering on about how sanitary her toilet was. Snorting in annoyance, she clicked the damn thing off and marched over to the door.

She supposed her mother wouldn't ring her own doorbell. It was probably something to do with the funeral; packages and condolences had been arriving steadily since before she'd gotten up.

Kagome had no idea her grandfather had been so well liked or had so many acquaintances. It made her feel bad that she'd not known who his friends were or that he was well respected by the neighborhood. After she'd returned for the last time, she'd kind of lived her own little world, focusing on school so hard it was easy to tune everything out. Even family. Memories.

She opened the door to be greeted by a huge, expensive flower display. Her jaw dropped open for a moment before she closed it firmly, not quite knowing what to say to such an imposing floral arrangement and tried not to be overwhelmed by the strong, sweet aroma that was filling her nose.

The flowers bobbed politely, then spoke in a plaintive, apologetic tone. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Higurashi, my family asked that I bring these over personally when they heard of your father's death."

"Houjou?" she asked incredulously.

The green leaves and pale blossoms parted to reveal a handsome young man's face. "Higurashi?" he asked, obviously delighted and surprised. "Kagome, is that really you?"

"Uh, yeah," she said, cursing silently at his timing. Her hair had to be matted and look disgusting since she'd been sleeping on it. No make up, baggy sweats, just exactly how she liked to greet an ex-boyfriend from high school.

She forced herself to smile. "It's good to see you, Houjou."

He gestured with his massive armload of flowers and ribbons. Kagome stepped back, abashed, realizing that the arrangement had to be heavy. He brought it in, carefully setting it on a low table. He bowed respectfully to the shrine patron, as if he was embarrassed to be happy to see her at such a grave occasion.

Kagome couldn't help but laugh when he bowed to her in turn. "Stop it, you idiot," she in between chuckles.

Houjou looked solemn. "I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather, Kagome. Both Eri and I will be coming to the funeral."

That made her smile, thinking of Houjou and his wife caring enough about the Higurashi family to pay their respects. "How is Eri?" she asked, eager to have news of her old school friend. "We've lost touch over the years, I'm afraid I'm a lousy friend."

He shook his head, still smiling warmly. "Not at all, Eri knows how busy you are with your work. She's really very jealous, especially when you send her postcards from so many exotic places. She blames me for not being a more exciting husband."

Kagome giggled, feeling like she was fifteen and invincible. She had been once, hadn't she? Kagome couldn't quite remember, but Houjou's friendly personality was sunshine to her dismal thoughts. "Well, I'm sure that she finds you exciting, Houjou. At least exciting enough to have had two babies with you. How are the girls?"

"Yuki and Meiani are both very well, getting into trouble faster than their mother can keep up." Houjou looked around and smiled. "You know it's been forever since I've been to the shrine. Do you mind if I walk around?"

"Not at all," she answered quickly, not wanting him to leave. He'd been a persistent suitor at one time, generous and fun to be with. Sometimes a little too heavy on the I'm-just-a-dumb-guy routine, but for the most part, Houjou was every bit as sincere as he appeared.

That fascinated Kagome, for years most of her friends and her colleagues were the kind of people who practiced sincerity the same way another person would practice a sport. She led Houjou out through the back door so that they would wander the grounds.

Kagome surprised herself, this felt so easy, so natural. She was glad she'd left her shoes off, the smoothness of the pavement against her feet felt like childhood, every single stone was a familiar memory for her.

Houjou looked pleased too, looking up at the leaves rustling in the breeze. "How is your husband, Kagome?"

She flinched, not really meaning to but unable to help herself just the same. Houjou noticed and raised his eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said, flying on autopilot.

He frowned, concerned. "Are you sure?"

"I'm divorced," she said at last. "I haven't told Mama yet, she's got enough on her mind." Houjou looked surprised, but instead of awkwardly withdrawing, he took her arm and tucked it around his.

"I'm sorry, Kagome."

She winced. "Don't be, it was my decision, Houjou. He's not happy about it, but it's for the best."

"I'm still sorry," he murmured.

Kagome's mouth quirked to the side, looking up at him. "How do you do that?"

He regarded her seriously. "Do what?"

Kagome waved her hand. "You always seem so nice, such a good person. Don't you ever get upset, or frustrated, or just plain pissed?"

"Of course," he said, squeezing her arm. "I'm only human, I have my moments. Call Eri, I'm sure she'll give you a list."

Must be nice, she thought. Being only human, thinking that there's nothing more out there.

Houjou's hand had slipped from the crook of her arm to her palm, his fingers winding warmly around hers. It caught her attention, feeling somehow shy about pulling away. It had been a long time since anyone had taken her hand like that while she walked.

He looked down and caught her eye. "You know," Houjou said thoughtfully. "You're going to think I'm just flattering you, but it's the truth so I'm going to say it. You look just like you did in high school, you haven't changed at all."

Kagome just blinked at him. This was coming from where? "Oh stop," she told him, smiling half in embarrassment. "I've changed, we all change."

He stopped and put his hands on her shoulders, looking down at her very seriously. "Not you, you're still beautiful. I've missed you, Higurashi. Your husband must be the biggest idiot to have ever let you get away."

"Houjou," she said, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. "I swear it wasn't his fault. I'm...I'm just not cut out to be a wife."

He pulled her against him, leaning down brush his lips across hers. Kagome's eyes went wide, disbelief washing over her. She pushed him back, glaring. "Have you lost your mind?"

He blushed. "Maybe. I'm sorry, Kagome. I shouldn't have done that. You just...just looked so sad." His hand brushed her hair back. "Actually, I really do feel badly for your husband. I've never forgiven myself for letting you get away. Guess that makes me an idiot too, right?"

She didn't say anything when he leaned close again, this time brushing his lips over her cheekbone. His mouth wandered close to hers and still she didn't say anything. Houjou's hands were moving from her shoulders to her hips, pressing her back as he kissed her. It was strange, she found herself enjoying it.

She needed it, some kind of validation, something to remind her that she didn't belong here among their ghosts. She was a professional, a successful lawyer. But less than twenty-four hours in her mother's home and she already felt her hard earned confidence wanting to slide away, disappear like a mist under the morning sun.

It wasn't going to happen that way for her, she wasn't giving up what she'd fought to take back.

Houjou gasped as she drew him to her, demanding and intense. Kagome called to him, wordless and needing, burying her hands in his hair. Her mouth opened under his, the tip of her tongue finding his. He moved her backwards, bracing her against the nearest tree and then sliding his hands under her baggy shirt.

Kagome kissed him hard, willing him to move his hands where he wanted, urgent to have him touching her. His mouth slid down her jaw as she rocked against him, one leg shamelessly drawing his thighs against hers. Houjou lavished her throat with passionate kisses, teasing her skin and whispering in her ear.

_It felt good_, she thought dizzily, _way too good_. She sighed against him, tipping back her chin to stare up at the branches of the tree. They were familiar; she felt like she had mapped the pattern of those branches on the insides of her eyelids, she knew them that well. Houjou was trying to find some way to work her heavy sweatshirt over her head, but Kagome wasn't being very cooperative, lost in thought as she looked at the tree.

It wasn't funny. She had joked about the universe having it in for her, but this was ironic in a way that made her stomach sink like lead, a strange bitterness made her shoulders lock and her back stiffen. This was the Goshinboku, the god-tree, and the most sacred place in her family's shrine.

For fifty years, a hanyou boy had hung on this tree, sealed asleep and dreaming. She'd never forget, it was burned into her heart like a brand. She saw everything about her life in terms of before and after that moment.

Houjou's kisses were still urgent against her lips but Kagome had never felt less like continuing a passionate interlude. She pushed him away. "No, this isn't right." She felt hideously guilty, remembering that Eri was her friend.

His face was flushed and Houjou tenderly cupped her cheek in his palm. "It's fine," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "You don't know how often I've dreamed about doing this."

"What...what about Eri?" she whispered as he moved back to kissing her neck. It still felt good, still felt...necessary. But icy guilt was starting to creep up her backbone as she looked up into the Goshinboku's unforgiving branches. How many times have I stood beneath this tree, she wondered as Houjou's hands cupped her breasts and he sighed into her ear.

"Don't worry about Eri," he said thickly. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

_But it can still hurt me_, she thought angrily and pulled his hands away. "I said stop it, Houjou! I'm not some damn slut you can whore around with."

He looked shocked, slowly pulling away from her. "I'm sorry," he said contritely, looking uncomfortable. "I thought you were enjoying it."

"I'm just not ready," she said lamely, as if her divorce would stop her from doing what she'd done while she was married. How many times had she used those words with a lover?

_What Scott doesn't know won't hurt him_.

She felt a little queasy and wondered when her morals had become so degraded that she'd screw an old friend's husband just because she was bored and needed a little boost to her self esteem.

"Houjou, I'm sorry too," she said and meant it. "I did enjoy it, honestly, I did." He reached for her and she pressed her back against the god-tree and begged it for strength. "It's not just Eri, I'm just dealing with being here after not being here for so long. A lot of old memories I should have kept buried."

"It's about him, isn't it?" Houjou said quietly.

She stared at him. "I don't know who you mean."

"Damn it, Kagome." Houjou ran a distracted hand over his hair and smiled, but his smile no longer touched his eyes. "It's still about him even after ten years. You were thinking about that old boyfriend of yours even when I was kissing you."

That was a lot closer to the truth than she wanted to admit and silently dug her bare toe into the soft earth surrounding the tree roots. "No," she said at last, keeping her voice steady. "I haven't thought about him in years. I'm long since over it."

"Prove it," he whispered, leaning close again. "Kiss me and just think about me, don't think about him at all."

She almost did it, almost reached for Houjou like she had something to prove, as if Inuyasha would ever know or even care that she put him out of her mind for a minute. But if she kissed Houjou now, she'd fall so deep that reason and good choices would be nothing more than a shadow of a memory. She'd let him do whatever he wanted as long as it kept the darkness at bay and let her lose herself in the physical response of sex, banishing the things she didn't want to remember.

Kagome shook her head. "I think maybe you should go, I couldn't live with myself if I did this to Eri."

She saw a scowl briefly cross Houjou's face; it must have been her imagination because she really didn't think he'd ever look angry or frustrated, no matter what he said.

Her eyes went wide and round when he turned and walked quickly away, his mouth clamped and hard. "Whatever you say, Higurashi," he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear. "That's how it always is between us, whatever you say."


	5. Five

Possession 05

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She didn't want to wake up. Kagome could feel the rough texture of a starched sheet rustle under her cheek and a dull, throbbing ache between her legs. She didn't want to remember what had happened, wishing again to return to the peaceful oblivion of sleep. The last thing she recalled was searing, agonizing pain shooting through her entire body and pooling like molten fire in the pit of her womb.

_Please_, she thought, scrunching her eyes shut even tighter. _Let this be just another nightmare_.

She heard the sound of someone clearing his throat and knew that she wasn't alone. Furthermore, whoever it was, they could tell that she was now awake. "Miss Higurashi?" a man's soft voice asked. "Can you hear me?"

She shifted slightly, turning over in the bed and managed to pry her eyes open. Her eyelashes were gummy and stiff with dried sleep; her mouth was so dry that she could barely force herself to speak. The kind voiced man was patiently standing at the end of her bed. He had gray hair and wore a white coat; a black stethoscope was looped casually over his shoulders.

A doctor, she thought, trying to force back the queasy feeling that wanted to overwhelm her. Swallowing thickly through the pain in her parched throat, her voice came out in a cracked and aching whisper. "Where am I?"

The doctor smiled reassuringly. "You're in the hospital, Miss Higurashi. I am Dr. Yamamoto. Do you remember what happened to you?"

The bathroom at school. Eri's voice screaming in panic as she pounded on the door of the stall. Blood staining her thighs and her skirt, running over the floor in a gory carmine path of shame. She closed her eyes, trying to breathe normally through the tremors that shook her slender body.

"I was bleeding," she said at last. "It hurt so badly I thought I was dying."

"You nearly did," the doctor told her solemnly. "You had lost a lot of blood and you were in shock when the ambulance brought you here." He paused, letting the gravity of her condition sink in. "Miss Higurashi, you are going to be fine now. We had to perform emergency surgery to stop the hemorrhaging."

He hesitated, and then gently laid his hand on her shoulder. "I'm very sorry, there was nothing we could do to save your baby."

Kagome's mouth worked soundlessly and her throat tightened, choking on the information. She wanted to crawl away, scream and hide from it. The doctor watched as shock and denial took hold of the girl's features, her pale lips going even whiter, the dark circles under her eyes standing out in stark contrast to her pasty cheeks. One shaking hand pressed against her stomach and she clutched at herself in helpless horrible realization.

"B...baby?"

"You didn't know that you were pregnant?" Dr. Yamamoto pulled a chart from the end of her bed and flipped it open, frowning slightly. "You were almost at fifteen weeks according to this."

"I didn't know," she whispered, feeling hot tears sliding down her face. "Oh god, why didn't I know?"

She'd been through so much; she'd never noticed that she'd missed her cycle. She'd felt sick too, for a few weeks now, but she'd attributed that to stress and the long hours of studying she'd been forcing herself to endure. After sealing the well, she'd thrown herself into school with a single-minded dedication, shunting all other concerns to the side. The nausea, the bloated feeling in her belly… The off and on cramping sensation that had nagged at her now and then, sometimes it had been sharp like a edged blade poking her, other times it had been dull, just an annoying heaviness riding the small of her back.

_I was pregnant_, she thought, watching as her tears splashed on the back of her hand. _I was pregnant with Inuyasha's baby and I didn't even know it_. She'd lost him to darkness and madness and cruel demon instinct. Now she'd lost his baby too.

The doctor shifted uncomfortably, realizing that the girl was overwhelmed with grief. He was a practical man and he'd seen too many unhappy and violent moments to recriminate a scared girl for getting pregnant and not knowing it. It happened more often than anyone liked to admit.

"Your mother is waiting outside," he said at last. "Would you like her to come in?"

Kagome nodded, her face felt numb. Shame flooded from her toes to her cheeks. What is Mama going to say? Her lips trembled and she looked up at the doctor through her tears. "Yes, please."

Mrs. Higurashi burst through the door almost as soon as the doctor exited, letting her daughter know that she'd been hovering anxiously outside while the man had been speaking. "My poor baby," she cried, rushing to her daughter's side. She wrapped both arms around Kagome's shoulders and held her so tight the girl squeaked.

"Oh Kagome," her mother said, her own face now wet with tears. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know, Mama," she said, blubbering helplessly now. She started to sob, her body shaking and wracked from it. "I swear to god I didn't know, it's all my fault. Please don't be mad!"

Mrs. Higurashi settled on the bed next to her daughter, holding her tight and stroking the girl's matted hair. "I'm not mad, darling. How can I be mad when I almost lost you? I was scared to death when they called me at work; I thought my baby girl was going to die. Oh Kagome, I'm so very sorry this happened. I love you, I'm not angry."

It was what she needed to hear and Kagome found herself bawling helplessly on her mother's shoulder. She knew without question that she would have kept the baby. A puppy faced little boy or girl, white hair and golden eyes? Would the baby have looked like him? Would he or she have had fuzzy little triangles for ears and a temper that would scare hell itself?

Now that she'd lost it, she wanted the baby so badly she ached. She didn't care what the school would say or how difficult it might have made her life, being a single parent to a hanyou infant. She just wanted to hold the child in her arms, have that one living, breathing link to the person she'd loved so much and had to leave behind.

Her mother's fingers twined with hers as the sobbing slowly stopped, reduced to little whimpers and gasps of emotion. "Shhh." her mother said, soothing her, holding her tight. "It's all going to be all right, Kagome. The baby...it was Inuyasha's, wasn't it?"

She screwed her eyes shut, burying her nose in her mother's shirt. She wanted to die from shame, from grief, from the horrible wrenching feeling that was twisting her heart. Of course it was his, she thought. There hadn't been anyone else, but how could her mother know for sure? How could she know that when her daughter kept secrets from her? She forced herself to answer; her mother deserved that much at least.

"It…it was his," she said, stumbling over the words weakly. "There hasn't ever been anyone else."

Her mother stroked her hair. "I knew something was wrong when you sealed the well," she murmured, regret making her voice sound heavy and tired. Kagome felt her mother's hands still in her hair and didn't resist when Mrs. Higurashi lifted her chin so she could look into her daughter's eyes.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me? Ever since you came back, you've been walking around like you expected something terrible to happen."

"It's nothing," she muttered, closing her eyes. She doesn't need to know what a fool I was, Kagome thought miserably. She doesn't need to know how wrong I was about him.

Mrs. Higurashi persisted, compelled to draw out the reason for her daughter's pain. "I hear you crying in your sleep, Kagome. I hear you...begging him to stop. I haven't asked before because I thought you'd tell me what happened in your own time, but I need you to be honest with me. Did he force you?"

Kagome sighed and let her body go limp. His face, contorted in passion as he drove himself inside her like a madman. His hands leaving bruises on her arms because he wasn't careful, wasn't gentle. Her own voice, shrill and high, crying out shamelessly as she gave herself to him. Everything he wanted, every last lustful wanton desire he'd inflicted on her willing body.

She hadn't resisted even though she knew he didn't love her, even though he freely admitted he'd used her, said he owned her. She hadn't had the strength to run away until he'd threatened her family. She would have died for him and it broke her heart that she still loved him, wanted him, in spite of the monster he'd become.

How could she ever explain that? How could she live when she saw the disgust in her mother's eyes if she told her, disgust that Kagome felt so keenly in her own heart?

"Yes," she whispered, hating herself for lying, hating herself still more for the truth.

_**Present Day**_

After Houjou left, Kagome wandered around the shrine, just thinking. It surprised her, no it astonished her that Houjou still felt that way. It made no sense to her. They'd dated steadily during her final year of high school and she'd dropped him as soon as they'd graduated. She'd hadn't planned on handling it like that, but when he'd asked her to marry him, breathless and eyes sparkling like he was offering her a gift, she'd run like a thousand demons were pursuing her.

Later she'd realized that it wasn't Houjou she was running from, it was the idea of marrying him and staying in Japan for the rest of her life. She couldn't stand the idea of settling down into some nice little house with her nice little husband and having children while the world passed her by. No, not Kagome Higurashi, she'd endured too much, survived too much and come out with her soul still intact for her to be satisfied with a life like that.

She'd dumped Houjou unceremoniously, stating that since she'd received a full scholarship to a university in the States, she wouldn't be interested in a long distance relationship.

Kagome squirmed a little at the memory, something she hadn't thought about or regretted for the better part of the last ten years. _Poor Houjou, I must have really hurt him_, she thought guiltily. And he'd been one of the few friends who'd been willing to be seen with her after her wretchedly public miscarriage. Houjou and Eri had stood by her, defended her from everyone who looked at her like she was tainted and dirty.

She'd just let herself go numb to it, ignored the whispers and the comments that were thrown at her behind her back. Now she felt an almost stifling anger at those people and their snide judgments. She smiled, a nasty little smile, at the consternation they and the school officials must have felt when she graduated valedictorian, carrying off more scholastic awards that any other student in her class.

She decided to go back inside and make herself a cup of tea since coffee was still out of the question. Actually she thought she'd like to go out and get a bottle of wine instead, something to soothe her shattered nerves after Houjou's advances. Vaguely, she wondered if he'd gotten any better in bed over the last ten years and hoped for Eri's sake it was true.

The Houjou she remembered had fumbled at her hesitantly, making her want to scream with frustration from his clumsy lovemaking. She'd locked herself in the bathroom and cried her eyes out after the first time with him, the act itself having brought back so many memories. Houjou didn't understand, thinking he'd done something wrong.

Kagome had listlessly assured him that no, he didn't do anything wrong and yes, he was a fine lover. Then she'd gone out to him and surrendered herself again. She'd endured it out of a need of her own, a need to have someone holding her skin to skin, comforting her when the darkness wanted to overwhelm her and made her feel like she was drowning.

_This is depressing_, Kagome thought as she slid back the door to the kitchen. She stopped short when she entered, the refrigerator door was wide open and there was a distinctly male backside poking out while someone rummaged around the lower shelves.

"Hey, who took my last coke?" he exclaimed, standing up and turning around to face her.

"Souta!" she shrieked happily and threw herself into her little brother's arms. He laughed and smothered her in a bear hug, swinging her around like she was a little doll. Her baby brother towered over her now, at least six feet. Their mother swore that she didn't know where he'd gotten that height as their father hadn't been a tall man. Souta grinned, the same helplessly happy smile that she remembered from childhood, although it looked a little out of place on a young man's handsome face.

"Sis," he said, setting her back down on her feet. "When did you get in? Last time I talked to Mama she said she wasn't able to reach you."

She slugged his arm playfully. "I got in last night, I was out on vacation and left instructions not to be bothered. Poor Grace probably went crazy trying to find me, but I took the first flight out when I got the news." She studied her brother's face and her jaw dropped a little. "When did you get your lip pierced?"

He grinned and ducked away. "At least you didn't start screaming like Mama did," he said, laughing at her as he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the living room so they could sit on the couch. "You two act like I'm still a little kid or something."

She raised an eyebrow at him. Souta had grown into an achingly handsome young man, she thought with approval. The jewelry did nothing to detract from that and she reached out to ruffle his spiky hair. "Mama said something about your girlfriend having purple hair."

He rolled his eyes. "Sari. We broke up last week, but the girl I'm seeing now has normal colored hair, thank you very much. As long as Mama doesn't catch sight of her tattoos, I should be safe."

Kagome shook her head, grinning at his sour expression. "Mama has a way of finding things out," she said dryly. "How's school going? Mama said you were studying hard this semester."

Souta flushed, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about," he said, his eyes sliding away from hers. "I dropped out, I don't know how I'm going to tell Mama that."

"You dropped out?" she asked, her eyes wide. And after all the money she'd paid for his tuition. "Souta," she said, helplessly waving her hands. "Why? How? What were you thinking..."

"It wasn't right for me, Kagome," her brother said bluntly. He looked down at his hands. "I'm not you, okay? I've never been great in school, I was always better at sports remember?"

Her brother wasn't stupid, she thought, angry at him for wasting his chances at higher education. "Souta, that's not the point," she said angrily. "So you didn't have perfect grades, they were always good enough to get into university. Why are you so sure it wasn't right for you?"

He sighed. "I'm just not cut out for it, I didn't want the pressure," he said simply.

"So what are you going to do then?" she demanded, going into older sister overdrive. "You quit playing baseball, don't tell me you still want to screw around with that stupid band of yours."

"No," he snapped, looking annoyed. "I gave that up too, it was just for fun in the first place. I never took it seriously."

"You don't take anything seriously," she scolded. "Souta, what do you want to do?"

Her brother looked sullenly at the floor. "I'd rather do something I'm good at than just skate by in university," he grumbled. "I didn't feel right about wasting your money."

"It wasn't wasted to me," she said softly, taking his hand. "Come on, I'm your sister. I was proud to be able to help you, just like I'm proud to be able to help out Mama. Tell me, Souta, what do you want to do with your life?"

He smiled shyly, his fingers curling around hers. "I'm good at fixing motorcycles," he said at last. "Some mates of mine and I want to start our own shop someday when we have the cash. Until then, I'm working for a dealership over on the north side of Tokyo. They called me last week to give me the job and I dropped everything to move back and take it."

Kagome closed her eyes and sighed as she leaned back against the couch. At least he has some goals, she thought ruefully. "If it's really what you want," she murmured. "I guess I have no objections."

"Really?" he asked excitedly. She had to smile at the enthusiasm in his tone, he was so obviously happy she wasn't going to nag him more about school. "I just can't figure out how to tell Mama, I hate telling her stuff like this. I don't want her to be disappointed in me."

"Me too," she said, sighing and resting her hand on her fist. "I've got something to tell her myself and I have no idea how."

He looked curious. "What?"

"I divorced Scott," she said in a low voice, looking down.

Souta was silent for a moment, then he clapped his hands together so loud it made her jump. "Good," her brother said harshly. "I never liked that dumb son of a bitch."

She stared at him. "And in the last six years you never found time to mention this?"

He shrugged, grinning again and put his arm around her shoulders. "I just thought he wasn't good enough for my sister," Souta said. "I'm glad you finally woke up and figured that out too. I think Mama will understand, I know she liked him, but damn."

Kagome giggled and reached over tickle her little brother's ribs. "At least he didn't have purple hair," she teased as he squirmed away from her. "Or tattoos."

"At least you two didn't have kids or anything," he countered, grabbing her bare foot and tickling her back. Kagome squealed and yanked her foot out of his grip.

"No," she shot back. "I was real careful about that, I hope you're careful too."

Souta snickered. "Now you sound like Mama. She lectured me so many times about not getting some poor girl pregnant that I lost count."

She felt the happy feelings drain out of her again and sighed heavily. "Yeah, I bet she did."

Souta looked abashed. "God," he said. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean to bring it up, I wasn't thinking."

"No," she said, squeezing his hand. "It's okay, not your fault." Not his fault his sister had given him such a glaring example of why an unplanned pregnancy could be a nightmare, how a teenage relationship could go so badly. Souta looked uncomfortable, sitting up and reaching for her hand again.

"Kagome," he asked hesitantly. "Do you ever still think about...him?"

She stiffened, pulled her hand away and folded her arms over her chest. "Of course not," she snapped. "It was so long ago, why would I even think about it? The past is just that, Souta. The past."

Souta leaned forward and rested his chin on his fist, his elbow on his knees. "I wanted to kill him for what he did to you," her brother confessed quietly. "I even asked jii-chan how to unseal the well."

Her eyes went wide. "Souta, that's crazy," she whispered. "He would have killed you without a second thought. I hope jiichan told you that."

Her brother shrugged. "He said he wanted to do it himself, he'd even tried once but he couldn't break your seals."

Kagome went cold and felt sick, sick at the idea of her then adolescent brother and her aged grandfather going through that well to hunt down Inuyasha. The demon he had become would have torn them apart and brought her the pieces. She said a silent prayer of thanks to Kaede for making those sutras so strong they couldn't be removed by any ordinary shrine priest or vengeful little brother.

Not that the well would have opened for them anyway, no more than it would ever open again for her. There was no sacred jewel, but if they'd managed to disturb those spells enough...she shivered.

"You two were insane," she said bitterly.

"No, we loved you," Souta answered, looking over his shoulder. "I trusted him too, Kagome. I thought he'd protect you, I never dreamed he'd hurt you."

Tears in her eyes, she leaned forward and hugged her brother. "Me neither," she whispered.

Souta left before her mother came home, after extracting a promise from his sister to not reveal his defection from the halls of higher education. She in her turn extracted his promise to make no mention of her divorce until after jii-chan's funeral. As that was tomorrow, she knew that both of them would be able to keep their secrets.

She and her mother had shared a quiet dinner, Mrs. Higurashi insisting on cooking even when her daughter offered to order out. "Nonsense," her mother said, smiling. "How often do I get to cook for my baby girl these days?"

She silently wondered at her mother's calm composure, the air of grace and gentleness she projected. Kagome wondered if she'd ever be able to be half as kind or accepting as her mother and doubted it. Like a meek little girl, she ate what her mother presented to her and politely asked if she could do the dishes afterwards. Mrs. Higurashi laughed at Kagome's mild expression and agreed that it was only fair.

If it were up to Kagome, her mother would live in a nice condo and have a maid to look after her. Maybe she could talk her into it now that jii-chan had passed away. The shrine was too much for one lone woman to look after; they would have to hire more caretakers anyway. Jii-chan had kept up with it as best he could over the years, but in the end he'd had to agree that one old man couldn't give the grounds the care they so deserved.

Kagome made a mental note to look into it, thinking about hiring both groundskeepers and staff to run the old shop. There might even be government subsidies available as this was an ancient and historical shrine. She'd have her Japanese lawyers look into the matter for her and make the necessary applications.

She took a long hot shower before going to bed, reveling in the way the hot water soothed her tired body. Kagome worked her favorite shampoo into her hair, thinking for once that it felt good to home. She wished she'd made the trip earlier; she would have liked to have seen jiichan once more before he passed away.

No, it was her own fears and trepidations that had kept her away, as well as her own selfishness. She had to accept that and silently vowed to make an effort to keep her mother and Souta in her life more. She hadn't let the past keep her from making a life and a career for herself, there was no reason to let it keep her from her family.

After her shower, she wrapped a fluffy towel around her and dashed to her room like a teenager. As she toweled her hair, she sat on her bed and thought about things. Houjou, her mother, her grandfather, her little brother. Her life in Hawaii now seemed like a dream, her marriage a passing fantasy.

_That's dumb_, she thought, shaking her head to let the last bit of moisture dry. Her life was in Honolulu now, just because she was surviving a visit home didn't mean that she was ready to pull up and move back. It made her a little sad, realizing that this part of her life was forever sealed to her, sealed like an ancient well. But she wasn't that teenager anymore; she wasn't that dreamy little girl who thought that she could change the world.

Kagome smiled and went to her old dresser and opened it. In the top drawer she saw many of her old high school mementos. Her mother hadn't disarranged her room over the years, but she supposed she should be grateful that she kept it dusted and clean.

She picked up a picture of her friends and smiled, her fingertip tracing Eri's smiling face. She was glad she hadn't given in to Houjou; it was going to be hard enough to face him at the funeral tomorrow. But she could face Eri at least and ask after the children like their father hadn't just groped her that afternoon.

Thinking of that, she started to root around in the dresser, looking for more happy memories. She suddenly wanted to read her old yearbook, look at the pictures and wonder where all these people had gone. Did they know that Kagome Higurashi had made a success of herself?

She snorted; did she even care if they knew?

Her questing fingers found a wrapped package and she frowned, not recognizing the soft tissue paper parcel. Slowly, she pulled it out and carefully unwrapped it, wondering. When she saw the rose colored silk, she very nearly dropped it like it would scald her. Shaking, she discarded the paper covering and looked at the delicate lingerie. It was a long, exquisite nightgown, trimmed in lace and flowing like water over her palms. Kagome swallowed hard and remembered when she'd purchased it.

She'd been sixteen and in love, thinking that one day he'd turn to her. She knew how she felt about Inuyasha and that was all that mattered. When she'd seen the nightgown hanging in the window of that overpriced boutique, she'd stopped in her tracks and stared. Eri and Yumi had been with her and teased her mercilessly when she'd gone inside to look at the rose colored silk and sigh dreamily.

"Do you think your boyfriend would like to see you in that, Kagome?" Yumi asked, poking her in the ribs.

Kagome had glared at her. "We aren't intimate," she answered stiffly. Her face was absolutely flaming, she was blushing so hard at the idea of Inuyasha seeing her wear something like this that she was sure the temperature in the room was raised several degrees.

"But you'd like to be intimate like that, right?" Eri had said, with a sly look in her eyes. "Go on, buy it, Kagome. Once he sees you wearing that I bet he forgets all about that ex-girlfriend he's so hung up on."

"Absolutely not," she said firmly and marched them out of the store. "I will do no such thing."

She'd gone back later and bought the gown anyway, paying out several months' worth of saved allowance. The saleswoman had looked down her nose at a young girl buying such a provocative item but said nothing, just accepted her yen and wrapped the silk in soft tissue paper. At home, Kagome had been too embarrassed to even put the thing on and shoved it to the back of her drawer.

Later, she'd promised herself.

Later had come and gone, Kagome thought, sitting on her bed and holding evidence of her folly. Not more than a few months later, they'd completed their grim quest and defeated the monster.

She'd stood screaming and crying as Sango had sacrificed herself in a hopeless attempt to rescue her little brother, then been struck silent in horror when Miroku had died in a vain, heroic effort to save her. She shook her head hard, denying the horrible memories. She still remembered Inuyasha's grim face as he stood in front of her, defending her from Naraku.

_I'll always protect you_.

_Liar_, she wanted to rage. _Did you protect me from yourself? Why did you have to lie to me, Inuyasha? Why didn't you just admit that you were only after the jewel and didn't care what happened to the rest of us? You bastard, you heartless demon bastard!_

Her fingers were twisting the silk angrily and Kagome forced herself to stop before she damaged the delicate fabric. She'd never even worn it, not even once. Defiantly, she stood up and stripped off the t-shirt and shorts she usually wore to bed. The soft silk whispered over her skin, making her feel sensuous in spite of her anger.

She stared at herself in the mirror, watching as the material clung to her now mature curves. Her breasts looked full and ripe under the rose silk, she could see her nipples peeking through the tissue thin fabric and slowly raised her hands to herself. Her palms ran over her body, bringing hints of pleasure to her skin.

If Inuyasha had ever seen me in this...she refused to let herself finish the thought, ignoring the hard pang of want that suddenly shot through the pit of her belly.

"Bastard," her lips whispered to her in the mirror. "Monster."

It was almost surreal, standing here in the nightgown she'd bought for him to see her in, cursing him and watching as her soft mouth formed the obscenities. Kagome reached behind her neck and pulled her hair over her shoulder, looking at the shining ebony waves as they fell over her breast, sliding over the silk. She met her own eyes, her face and body revealing a perfection that covered the corroded remains over her soul.

She leaned close to her mirror, her breath fogging its surface as she cursed him again. "I hate you, Inuyasha. Wherever you are, I hope you can feel how much I hate you."

She flipped off the lights and headed for her bed, her thoughts dark and tangled. If she hadn't been standing in darkness, so caught and thoughtful, she might not have looked outside. Her gaze was pulled to the window and Kagome went to stand there, pushing open the glass so the light breeze could stir her hair.

Nothing more than the peaceful night, she decided, her palms pressing against the sill as she inhaled the gently scented air. She was just about to shut the window when a flash of light caught her attention. Was something was moving down there?

Kagome pulled back, her eyes wide. Someone was running around the shrine at night? Why would anyone do that? She reached for the phone, ready to call for the police. Kagome was well acquainted with criminal activity and knew that an intruder had to be dealt with by someone other than herself. It would be stupid to go down there and look for herself.

Only...her heart hammered hard at the thought. What if the intruder had come from inside the shrine itself?

_No, that's stupid_, her scared brain yammered at her. _You're imaging things; you're making up things to scare yourself into going down there. It's not him, it couldn't be him, and not after ten years it wouldn't be him_. The well was sealed; nothing was going in or out of it. Nothing more than nightmares and dreams anyway. Her hand slowly drifted away from the phone, floating up to her mouth. She had to know, she had to make sure.

Grabbing a light robe to throw over her indecently thin nightgown, Kagome went silently down the stairs. She just had to know for herself, she had to look, damn it, that was all. What else could she do, call the police and tell them that she was afraid a youkai was running around in her garden? She couldn't wake her mother and have her come with her, which would be even worse.

It was just that she'd been thinking of him, that was why she was scared. It was probably nothing, just her overactive imagination dealing with the stress of being home.

Cursing again, Kagome went to the kitchen and found her mother's flashlight. Ten years later and the woman still kept everything in the same place, she thought with a wry grin. She'd just check, make sure the well was sealed and then she'd be able to sleep.

The pavement was cool under her bare toes as she made her way across the grounds, sure in her steps even though it had been years since she'd gone to the well house. She hadn't gone in there since before she graduated high school, before she dumped Houjou, before she flew across the ocean and made a new life for herself.

Kagome took a deep breath and told her heart to stop pounding like that. It was just an old building with an even older well stashed away inside. She just wanted to see for herself that the seals were still there. It had kind of frightened her that Souta and jiichan had even thought of removing them. There was no reason to believe that they could have gotten to the other side anyway. There were no longer jewel shards; Kagome herself couldn't make that trip if she tried. Inuyasha was the only one who'd ever passed though the well from this side without the shards.

She just needed to see the seals to make sure they weren't damaged or worn. Removing them wouldn't have let Souta or grandfather use the well, but they might have weakened the spell enough that a very determined and insane youkai could punch his way though.

The door slid back at her touch and Kagome swallowed hard, fighting the ghosts with everything she had even as her hand holding the flashlight shook compulsively. There it was, right down those steps. She hadn't needed to cover the well with anything to seal it; just Kaede's sutras stuck around its edge were enough to invoke the energy to keep it dormant.

At least that's what she hoped. Kagome told herself firmly that once she'd taken care of this crazy impulse she was going to make sure that well was filled in, to hell with historical significance. She'd have it filled with blocks of cement; she'd have a steel plate welded over the top. If anything ever did come from the other side, they'd have one hell of a time getting out of the shaft, which was for damn sure.

Everything was quiet; Kagome went down the steps carefully, not wanting to trip over the hem of her gown. This was no time to fall and break an ankle; she admonished herself in a stern mental voice. Dust coated the steps and the rim of the well; she almost couldn't see the paper seals in the dim light of her flashlight. She frowned and slapped the light with her palm.

Mama must not have changed the batteries in a while, she thought grimly. Well, she didn't need to see clearly to do this; she could already feel a slight whisper of power coming from the well, evidence of a spiritual seal still in place. Sighing with relief, she passed her hand over the well to be sure.

Yes, that was it. She felt it strong, she felt her fingertips tingle at the energy holding the seal in place. Just like it had when she'd placed the sutras, whispering the incantations while her grandfather watched. Nothing had disturbed it, there was no ghost of a youkai to jump out and attack her or make her whimper with want. It was all in her head. As usual.

Shaking her head at her own foolish ideas, Kagome turned to leave.

She almost ran into him, he was standing so close behind her. And she'd been so damn distracted by her fears about the well to even notice. His hands caught her arms, she would have stumbled and fallen if he hadn't. "Kagome?" he said, breathing her name like blessing over her head.

She turned the flashlight up to shine in his face, watching in absolute shock and surprise as he flinched away from the beam.

"Scott?"


	6. Six

Possession 06

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

"Inuyasha!"

A flash of red and white. "I see it, Kagome," he yelled. "Stay where you are!"

She didn't listen to him; she should have listened to him. "I'm not letting you go alone!"

He spun around. "Naraku is mine," he said harshly, gripping the sword with both hands.

She planted her hands on her hips and glared him into submission. "I'm going with you, you need me! Without me you won't find the jewel and if you don't find the jewel you won't find Naraku. So quit arguing with me."

Inuyasha growled, but she knew she'd already won't the fight. Stamping over to her, he turned his back and crouched. "Get on my back then," he said sullenly. "At least if I'm carrying you, I can still protect you. Just don't pull my hair, okay?"

"Deal." Kagome slung her bow over her shoulder and leaned into him, letting Inuyasha boost her into the position most comfortable for him. Her hands clenched in his red haori and she leaned over his shoulder and gave him a faint smile. It was the first smile of hers he'd seen in days and she thought she saw his eyes lighten a bit, although he didn't smile back. But he held her gaze soberly and reached up to touch the back of one her hands with warm fingers.

"We'll get him, I swear to you. This is where it ends."

oOo

It had been a week since Sango and Miroku had died. Kagome hadn't stopped crying until they'd returned to Kaede's village with Miroku's body. Sango's body...there was no body; nothing survived the pit of fire that she had dove into. Kagome wondered if the demon slayer had caught Kohaku before the flames engulfed them. She wondered if they'd had a chance to say goodbye before they died. Even more, she wondered how her friend had managed to convince Kirara to make that heroic and suicidal leap.

She guessed that their bond was so strong that the fire-cat would have done anything for Sango; even die herself if it meant a chance of saving the boy they both loved so much.

She'd cried all the way back to the village, but she found herself unable to do so when they laid Miroku's remains to rest. He'd opened the wind tunnel for one last time; Kagome supposed that he'd expected to be sucked inside his own cursed void. Like his father, he said. It was only fitting. She had to wonder what he'd say about the manner of his death and decided that he'd be pleased that his life hadn't ended by Naraku's curse. Instead he'd died as he tried to suck molten lava into his palm to save Sango and Kohaku from their fiery death.

And the wind tunnel had closed. Kagome didn't know if it was Naraku's doing or just that the void itself had issues with absorbing so much heat and molten rock. In either case, Miroku had died almost instantly, never knowing that he'd failed to save Sango and probably never knowing that he paid for his attempt with his life.

The ground had shook and Kagome screamed when she saw the young monk thrown into the sky. When they'd found his corpse hours later, Kagome had shuddered and buried her face in Inuyasha's chest, shaking so hard she thought her teeth might rattle loose. Miroku's arm and side were charred into a grisly mass of blackened flesh but his face remained untouched in death. And strangely enough, he was smiling, as if he knew that Sango was waiting for him somewhere and they would not be parted for long.

He'd not regret a single moment of how he'd lived and he'd not regret trying to save Sango and Kohaku. Thinking of that kept her from sobbing hysterically, or it might have been simple exhaustion. She was too tired to grieve more than she already had, her eyes were red and puffy, but they remained dry.

Inuyasha didn't comment on that fact, like he didn't comment on a lot of things. Kagome decided it was his way of dealing with their deaths and decided to let him be. To be honest, she was a little too traumatized herself to offer comfort for anyone else. She knew he was going after Naraku again, she knew that he wouldn't rest, would barely eat or sleep now, until the abomination had been destroyed.

She'd seen the look in his eyes. It scared the hell out of her.

She caught herself thinking of going home. It wouldn't be fair to Shippou, or at least that's what she told herself. She just wanted to get away, escape from the heartrending, soul numbing grief that filled all her waking hours. Kagome knew she looked like hell; she'd barely brushed her hair or taken care of herself since it had happened.

Her mother would notice her condition and question her about it. More and more of the last year, returning home in some stage of weariness or defeat, her mother had watched her closely, concern lighting in her eyes.

"I'm worried about you, Kagome."

_I know, Mama. You should be_. "Oh, there's nothing wrong with me that a little more sleep won't cure."

"Kagome, tell me what's been happening. You're so pale, so thin. And you hardly ever smile."

_There's nothing to smile about, Mama. There's too much death on the other side of the well._ "I'm fine, I just need to a catch up on my sleep."

Tonight was the night of the new moon. She wondered if Inuyasha would find it any easier to grieve if he was in his human form. She knew he wouldn't sleep, did he ever anymore? Silently, not wanting to awake Kaede and Shippou, she slipped out of her bedroll and went outside.

The hard packed earth of the village felt cool under her feet and looking up, Kagome could count a thousand stars. The sky was so clear it looked like glass, endless and vast, unconcerned with the lives and deaths of those mortals beneath it. She wondered if at night Inuyasha counted the stars, named them. Kagome had never asked him what he thought of on those long wakeful nights or if he found solace in the solitude of darkness.

"Inuyasha," she called softly from the edge of the forest.

"I'm here," he answered, slipping from the branch of a tree. Idly, she wondered if he always made sure to get into the tree before sunset on his moonless nights, it being so much easier to climb when he had claws.

"Why don't you come stay at Kaede's with me?" she asked, hating the idea of leaving him out here all alone.

"I'm not comfortable inside, not when I'm like this. I just want to be alone."

Alone, that was just like him. "You can't keep punishing yourself, Inuyasha. There was nothing you could have done."

"I know. There was nothing I could have done. Nothing." His voice was flat, cheerless. Kagome studied his shadowy outline, wishing she could see his face. Dark hair trailed like night over his shoulders, his face a pale blur against the darkness. She heard the guilt and self-loathing in his voice and sighed.

"It wasn't your fault."

"So you keep telling me. Or are you just telling it to yourself?"

She wanted to scream at him but she really didn't have the energy. Slowly, she went to him, her hand reaching up to touch his face. He flinched away, not wanting her to reach him but her fingers brushed his cheek anyway. And came back wet.

"You're crying," she said, dumbstruck. Inuyasha didn't show emotions like grief.

"I ain't crying. Get that stupid idea out of your head, Kagome. I don't cry."

Tears were welling in her eyes again, she'd thought that she'd exhausted her supply, but it seemed that her heart could still wrench painfully even inside the numbness of her despair. Her shoulders started to shake convulsively and she buried her face in her hands. He might be able to deny himself the release of emotion, but she was just human and couldn't fight it any longer.

His hands touched her shoulders awkwardly. "Don't," he said, his voice broken and pained. "Don't cry anymore, Kagome. I...I can't stand it when you cry."

She pushed forward when he said that, her hands reaching out for his chest in the darkness. She couldn't see him well enough to do more than guess at the location of his mouth, but she made a dive for it anyway. Her teeth clashed against his, scraping painfully. It wasn't much of a kiss, but Inuyasha stood quite still as her hands moved up to the sides of his face so she could guide the next.

This time it worked out better, her lips found his, soft and moist. And he responded, hesitant and unsure, like he didn't know how to react, but was afraid to push her away.

Kagome pressed her body into his and slipped her tongue between his lips, trying to part his clenched jaws. She wasn't experienced at this and let her own instincts guide her when she caressed the sides of his face in a silent plea for acceptance.

Obediently, he let his jaw relax and didn't protest as she kissed him. She explored his taste, running the tip of her tongue over his teeth and wondering what it felt like for him when his fangs retracted on his human nights. Now he wasn't a half demon, he was just a vulnerable young man that she passionately wanted to kiss and comfort.

His hands slowly drifted to her waist, resting lightly on the swell of her hips and his fingers curled into the small of her back. Against her belly, she knew that he was having a physical reaction to her kiss and her heart leaped up inside her chest at the thought.

She sank to her knees, her hands fisted in his sleeves so that he'd have no choice but to follow her. It made sense; they could comfort each other in a different way. She knew he needed her, needed her to validate something that he doubted, needed her to be the piece to complete his puzzle. Kagome wanted that, had for some time, but always held back, unsure and afraid of rejection.

She told herself that he needed to come to her in his own way, in his own time. Nothing could force a stubborn hanyou, beating him over the head with a stick wouldn't make him able to admit that he wanted her, needed her the same way she needed him.

It seemed like he'd forgotten how to resist and Kagome was delighted. Laying flat on her back with him on top of her and hands going places she only dreamed, Inuyasha continued to kiss her, both of them getting better at it with practice. His mouth was hungry with exploration now, it seemed like he wanted to map the inside of her mouth with his tongue. She opened herself wide to him, exploring him in turn and making soft mewling sounds from the back of her throat.

Daring now, bold as brass, she let her hands wander where they wanted, finding places that she'd always brushed against and never gone further even though her fingertips burned with curiosity. She wanted him to know that it was all right, she was still here, would always be and wiggled herself just enough to get her hand under his body and reach for the stiffness that ground against her thigh.

His reaction was unpredicted. Instead of responding to her overtures, her invitation, he gasped against her lips and pulled away like her soft human fingers had burned him right through the red fire rat fur. She sat up, staring at him, or at least staring at the dark, clenched form beside her.

"Inuyasha," she asked, her voice trembling. "W...what did I..."

"Don't touch me like that," he said, his voice sounding congested and bitter. "You shouldn't touch me like that, it's not right. I'm...I'm sorry, I lost control of myself. I didn't mean to go that far. I'm sorry."

Her breath came out in a soft exhale that was almost a whimper. "I wanted you to," she said, reached out and finding his knee. Her fingers kneaded the hard muscle of his thigh and she pulled herself up so that she could sit closely beside him. "Inuyasha, I love you. I want you to know that, I've loved you forever it seems. Please, let me be there for you, I want this."

"I don't deserve your love," he said, his voice sounding distant now, like he'd already run a million miles away from her. She wanted to scream at him, she wanted to throttle him for being so stubborn and stupid and wonderful all at the same time. And she wanted to kick him for saying stupid things like that. As usual, she put her own frustration on hold and reached out to try to understand him.

"Why don't you deserve it? Don't you think that I'm capable of deciding who I love, who I want to be with? It's always been you."

He sat there so long and so quietly that she nearly gave up hope that he'd answer her. "I failed them. I should have saved Sango and Miroku; I should have been stronger, faster. I failed them and I'll probably fail you too. You should go home, find someone who's more like you to be with. "

She pulled her knees up and locked her arms around them, thinking hard before she answered. "Now you're just being ridiculous. You didn't fail them, you did all you could, and you nearly killed yourself too. Inuyasha, you can't blame yourself for everything."

He stirred, she heard him move restless against the grass. "I was too slow," he breathed. "I was too busy worrying about getting at Naraku, I should have seen that he'd use Kohaku to buy himself time to escape. If I'd been a little faster, a little stronger, maybe I would have stopped him. A full demon would have been able to stop him."

"Inuyasha..."

"No!" he burst out. "Don't you fucking get it? Even Tessaiga doesn't make up for the fact that I'm not a real youkai. If I didn't have that sword I'd be just a pathetic hanyou trying to fight against that monster. The only reason I'm not dead is because that blade was made from my father's fang and he was a real demon, a true youkai like I will never be. I might as well have left it in his grave."

"You can't mean that," she cried, grabbing his hands. "You've done amazing things, you've always done everything you could. Don't say things like that when you know, deep in your heart, you know they aren't true!"

"Save it," he muttered. "You can't possibly understand."

He was right about that, Kagome thought. She couldn't understand how it felt for him to always walk outside, never part of one or the other. Not human, not demon, not anything. It was unfair and wrong and massively untrue, but Kagome knew her words weren't going to reach him. He'd blame himself now because others had always blamed him and that was how it was. Carefully, she pulled herself closer, ignoring his little murmur of protest when she settled in his lap.

"I don't need to understand," she whispered, her arms tight around his chest. "Just let me be there for you."

She heard him sigh into her hair as his arms locked around hers in a grip so tight it almost hurt.

"I will hold you to that promise."

oOo

Catching scent of Naraku, nothing would have stopped him. Kagome hung on for dearest life, letting the silky white hair whip across her face hard enough to leave welts on her cheeks. Her knees clenched on either side of his hips so hard that the muscles of her thighs ached from it. They'd been pursuing Naraku for so long that it seemed timeless; it seemed like a story that would never end. She guessed that she really didn't believe it would ever end, somehow her and Inuyasha would stay like this forever, always running, never stopping.

She didn't know when she'd lost the ability to fear for herself. She was only scared for Inuyasha. Strong as he was, he was not immortal and he could be hurt. Kagome should know, she'd wrapped enough of those wounds. She told herself she was doing this because Naraku was something that had to be stopped, she couldn't let the jewel that she herself had shattered become a force for his malice. It was time to put an end to it.

Kagome told herself that her reasons were noble; her ability to see the shards and her spiritual power of purification meant something. They meant that she could take back what was broken, gain peace for those lives that had been destroyed. She did it for Kohaku, she did it for Sango, she did it for Miroku, but she was lying to herself. She only fought for Inuyasha, the way he only fought for her. Together at least, they made a completion of their own tiny jewel. Purity. Youkai. Everything that stood between.

She'd left Shippou back in the village, ignoring the kitsune's protests that he too wanted revenge for their slain friends. That he could fight, that he could protect her. "No, not this time," she said to him with a smile. "This time I'm going to know you're safe with Kaede and when I come back, I'd better hear that you behaved yourself."

Shippou would have followed her anyway; she knew that not even Kaede would be able to keep the active young fox from trying to go after them. It made her palms sweat when she saw the stubborn set of his jaw and the glitter of defiance in his green eyes. She couldn't lose Shippou as well, but she didn't know how to make him understand.

"I'm coming with you!" the fox shouted.

"No, you ain't," Inuyasha snapped. Kagome sighed and got ready to say the word. Inuyasha's bullying of Shippou got on her nerves, even if the kitsune did deserve it most of the time. They squabbled like two little kids fighting for her attention and she was about to intervene when Inuyasha did something unexpected.

He dropped to his knees, still towering over little Shippou but the significance of him getting down to the fox's level wasn't lost. "Shippou," he said in a quiet, serious tone she'd rarely heard from him. "I want you to come with us."

Kagome blinked. "What?"

Shippou seemed to echo her confusion. "Huh? Why?"

"Because you're good in a fight," the hanyou said bluntly. "You've always been tough and you've never backed down. You don't even back down to me and I can pound the snot out of you whenever I want."

"I'd like to see you try it," Shippou growled, raising his tiny fists. Kagome had to hide a smile behind her hand but Inuyasha never looked more serious.

"Yeah, you would, but as much as I want you by my side in this fight, I can't let you do it." Inuyasha rested his elbow on his knee and looked very solemn. "Shippou, you listen to me. This is going to be bad; Naraku has all of the jewel shards. All he needs is a priestess to bind them. I only know three people that could do that."

Three? Kagome's brows flexed in a frown, she didn't know what kind of game Inuyasha was playing but it had certainly captured Shippou's attention. And hers, she wanted to know where he was going with this.

So did the fox. "You're trying to trick me," the young kitsune accused, shaking a fist at the hanyou. "You know Kagome is the only person who can..."

"And Kikyou," Inuyasha supplied.

Kagome flushed and bit down on her lips. Of course, Kikyou could do what she could do; Inuyasha probably thought that she could do it better. But even after everything they'd been through, losing the last shard to Naraku, seeing Sango and Miroku die, they hadn't seen so much as a stray soul collector. She rather thought that if Naraku had destroyed Kikyou he wouldn't have hesitated to taunt them about it. She was just...gone.

Somewhere out there, maybe alive, maybe just a small pile of remains in a shallow grave. They knew Kikyou had been badly hurt in a confrontation with Naraku's demons; she would have been destroyed if her soul collectors hadn't borne her away. And then...nothing. It had been weeks since even a whisper of the priestess had been heard.

"You said three," Kagome murmured, resting her hand on Inuyasha's shoulder.

Inuyasha nodded. "You and me might not survive this, Kagome. If Kikyou were still alive, she'd never submit to Naraku. No more than you would."

She hated it when he compared them, but she kept her mouth shut and nodded once to agree with his words. He'd probably prefer that Kikyou was the one going into this battle with him. After all, she was the jewel's true protector; she was the one who'd sacrificed herself to keep it safe.

All Kagome could be in that regard was second, the copy of the real priestess and a copy of her spiritual powers. The original never got scared, never allowed herself to put her feelings above her duty. Kagome knew she was weak like that, she couldn't help it. She cared too much.

Shippou scratched his head, thinking hard. Then his face lit up. "Kaede-sama," he said happily. "She's number three!"

Kagome raised an eyebrow when Inuyasha gave a sharp nod of his head. As far as she knew, Kaede didn't have her sister's power, but that didn't mean she was completely powerless. She'd never considered it before, but yes, Kaede was a priestess, one with years more real life experience than either her or Kikyou. She was the one who'd taught Kagome everything she knew about herbs and healing, setting an example for them all of what a real priestess should be.

Shippou's ears pricked up as Inuyasha spoke. "If worst comes to worst, both Kagome and Kikyou might die. They'd rather die than help Naraku complete the jewel. If we're killed, who will protect Kaede from him? Who will be around to keep the jewel from being made whole again? Only a strong, full demon can do that, Shippou. Say you won't let us down."

The tiny fox drew himself up proudly. "I won't let you down, I will protect Kaede-sama with my life. And I won't have stop Naraku from getting to her, because you're going to stop him yourself. You're both coming back."

Kagome still felt tears prickling in her eyes at Shippou's brave statement, at Inuyasha's sly deception in keeping the kitsune from following them, possibly to his death. She didn't think she could live with losing another friend.

"That was a nice thing you did," she whispered into his ear when they left.

"Keh. Had to do something to keep that runt from getting in my way."

She rested her elbows on his back as he ran. "Yes, but you didn't have to make him feel good about it. Giving him a purpose like protecting Kaede was a wonderful idea. I didn't know that you were capable of being so sneaky."

Inuyasha glanced back over his shoulder. He studied her face for a moment, obviously thinking hard about what he was going to say. "You'd be surprised what I'm capable of. But in this case, I didn't have to be sneaky. It's the absolute truth. If you or Kikyou won't help him, Naraku will come after Kaede as a last resort. I mean to make sure that he doesn't get what he wants."

_**Present Day**_

"What are you doing here?" Kagome shouted, fury rising in her tone. She shoved Scott's hands away from her viciously, blind anger filling her body. She'd been terrified a minute ago, scared of what might have happened if that well hadn't been exactly the way she'd left it so many years before. It was part relief of that fact that made her shout at him now, part that and an overwhelming anger that he'd followed her all the way to Japan.

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you," he protested, backing away from her. "I...I just wanted to talk to you, Kagome. You wouldn't return my calls, what was I supposed to do?"

"You were supposed to leave me alone," she snarled, almost feral in her anger. "Don't you get it? We aren't married anymore!"

Scott's shoulders sagged and he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. She'd bought him that jacket last year for his birthday. It was expensive, the leather was soft and buttery, and the dark brown suede of the collar almost perfectly matched his hair.

Actually, she'd paid for the jacket, but she hadn't picked it out. Grace had done the shopping and also made her excuses when she'd stood up her husband for his birthday dinner, giving the excuse that she was called into a last minute consultation with a very important client. It hadn't been a lie, Grace never lied if she could help it, but what Kagome and that client were doing couldn't exactly have been called a consultation.

She hadn't even remembered it was Scott's birthday until the last minute and called her secretary to give the excuses to her husband instead of doing it herself, considering that she was propped up on her desk with another man's face between her thighs at the time.

Now that memory made her want to shudder and she convulsively gripped her upper arms as she hugged herself. She'd started divorce proceedings the very next day, appalled at herself and what her marriage had become. Scott deserved better, she never should have married him, wouldn't have in the first place only...he'd asked her with something sweet and innocent in his eyes and Kagome badly wanted to be part of something good again.

"You shouldn't have come here," she said, and instantly loathed herself for the harshness of her tone. He brought out the worst in her and it wasn't even his fault. Scott just stood there, looking at her with those deep blue eyes that had once reminded her of a cursed monk.

Now they only served to remind her of everything he wasn't, never could be. He was the kind of handsome that turned heads, tall with dark hair falling boyishly into his eyes, a muscular, athletic build and a perfect white smile. Trophy husband? Kagome shook her head and tried to deny it.

She honestly didn't hate Scott; she hated the way she acted when she was with him. She hated that he made her shrill and cruel with his stupid bumbling love of her and his forgiveness for things that no self-respecting man should ever forgive.

Scott looked at his feet, his shoulders still hunched like he was protecting something fragile in his chest. "I was sorry to hear about your grandfather."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How did you know about jii-chan?"

"I checked your credit card statements online," he said softly. "You never change your passwords. Once I figured out you'd bought a ticket to Japan, I called your service and pretended to be an old friend who wanted to know where to send a memorial, when they gave me the shrine's address here in Tokyo it wasn't hard to figure out."

She felt her back stiffening in anger. "As soon as I get back to Hawaii, I'm putting through that restraining order," she told him in a voice as harsh and venomous as she could manage. "There are laws against stalking your ex-wife like this."

"I just wanted to be there for you," Scott protested. His hand reached out and caressed her arm. "Please, Kagome," he said, his voice growing rough and intense, like it did when she knew he wanted her. "Let's go inside and talk about this. We don't need to be married; you can still see whomever you want. I just want to be part of your life, whatever you'll give me."

Kagome felt herself relenting, this what how it always went for them. She'd rip him apart like a viper and he'd crawl back, begging her for more until she felt so guilty that she gave in. The only time she let him have sex with her was when she felt particularly horrible about what she'd done. He loved her and she was a vicious bitch who treated him like garbage. Then she'd castigate herself for being such a monster and apologize for her cruelty by letting him touch her and pleasure her the way he wanted.

It was a sick and disturbing relationship, it was unhealthy as all hell. She didn't know what she'd done or how she'd turned a sweet natured guy into someone that craved her abuse as much as he craved her affection.

"No, Scott," she said, pushing him away. He'd moved a little closer and started to kiss her neck and the skin that was exposed when she let her bathrobe hang open. His palm was against her breast now, caressing her through the delicate silk nightgown. She didn't respond, she felt like ice was between her legs and her heart had frozen over in despair.

Everything wrong about what she'd done to her life was symbolized in her marriage to Scott, everything she'd never wanted to be. She wanted to be happy again, she wanted to feel the way she'd felt when she was fifteen. And Scott wouldn't give her what she needed, just like all her other illicit lovers hadn't been the answer either.

His mouth burned against her throat and she shoved him hard. "I said no, goddamnit! What's wrong with you, don't you get it? It's over. I'm doing this for your sake as well as mine. Find another woman, make her happy, and let her make you happy. Just...leave me alone, all right? That's what I really need from you right now. Just leave me alone."

She wished she could see his face; all she could see was shadows of darkness where she knew his eyes and mouth were. "Are you sure that's what you really want?" he asked and his voice had changed, become quiet and flat. She'd never heard him use that tone before.

"I'm sure," Kagome said, her voice echoing with the quiet strength that had made it possible for her to survive.

Scott didn't answer her and Kagome felt a chill go up her back. Was he finally going to show some kind of will? Was he going to scream at her or attack her, maybe even strike her? She steeled herself for a blow that would come out of the darkness, her fist clenching the dying flashlight. She deserved to be hit, had deserved it for some time now. That was fine, she could handle it. And she could give back what she took, at least until he came to his senses and realized what he was doing.

He didn't strike her and she waited. "Scott?" she said at last. "You need to leave, I won't call the police this time but it has to end, Scott. For both of us, this has to end."

"I agree." She'd never heard him sound so resolved, so firm. It confused her and she wondered again why he'd never shown that side of himself. Slapping the flashlight again, she shone it into his face. His face was utterly blank, expressionless, and his eyes were hidden dark pools. Something about it made the hair stand up on the back of her neck.

"Scott," she whispered.

He shifted and something hard pressed into her stomach and Kagome dropped her flashlight. Where did he get the gun, her mind asked frantically. He couldn't have brought it with him on the plane. He didn't speak more than a few words of Japanese and the likelihood of a foreigner being able to obtain a gun in Tokyo in such a short time was next to nothing if not impossible.

He must have planned it, she realized. Realized with a chill that Scott had no intention of letting their divorce be amicable.

"I didn't want to do this, Kagome," he said, his voice turning soft and gentle again. "I just can't stand not being with you. You understand, right?"

She shook her head, her hair whipping around her. "No, I don't understand. You're crazy, you came here to kill me or you wouldn't have that gun."

She felt him smile, felt it without touching him. "Did you ever love me?" he wanted to know, sounding wistful.

"Of course," she lied. "I loved you very much. I still love you, Scott. We can work this out, you're right, I need you to be..."

"Shhh," he whispered, his hand reaching out to touch her face. She tried not to flinch. "You don't have to lie. I know you didn't love me. Not like...not like you loved him. The one who hurt you first."

She was shaking; she was going to be sick she was so scared. "I don't know what you're talking about."

One breath, two breaths. She took a step back. She had to get the barrel of the gun out of her belly, she had to get away from him now. "You don't have to do this, Scott."

She heard him gasp, heard the rustle of the jacket she'd given him when he raised his arm and knew he was aiming for her head. Kagome cried out and turned away as he fired. She felt the bullet rip into her skin, a blossom of pain, a stab of guilt. Her legs crashed into the side of the well and she toppled over, too terrorized to even scream.

Kagome thought that it was appropriate that she die at the bottom of this well. It was the place her life ended, it was the place her life began. In the back of her mind, Kagome had always thought of it as a womb, letting her be born again and again, reality changing and breaking and turning every time she took that leap.

She knew she could die. She knew she could be reborn. She was really kind of tired of it all.


	7. Seven

Possession 07

_**Present Day**_

The throbbing ache of her head woke her first, followed by the pain of her cramped and twisted muscles. Kagome tried to move and a tiny whimper of pain escaped her lips. Every part of her body hurt, she felt dizzy and sick with it and tried to sit up only to collapse again as it seemed all of her strength had disappeared. For a moment, she couldn't remember where she was or what had happened.

Slowly, her hand reached up to touch a swelling lump on the back of her skull and Kagome winced. "I must have hit my head," she mumbled, matching the painful lump to her dizziness.

She reached up to feel her scalp with her other hand and hissed. Kagome groaned and clamped her right hand to her left shoulder, horrified when her fingers came away sticky with blood. He had shot her! That stupid son of a bitch had tried to kill her! Kagome couldn't move, caught up in horror as the memories played over her.

Scott had come all the way to Japan to kill her for divorcing him. He'd planned to murder her in cold blood. She started to shake, choking on her own breath from sheer terror. She'd discounted him, brushed him aside like he was worthless and weak. He'd come to pay her back. Why hadn't she realized that he would never leave her alone?

And he'd fired the gun, but at least the bullet had missed her, leaving only a long, shallow gash in its wake. She couldn't be sure, prodding again at the injury in the darkness. He'd shot her and she'd tumbled backwards, falling, that must have been how she'd hit her head.

"I'm in the well," she whispered, feeling a chill of dread that wiped out her pain. Oh gods no, the last place she wanted to be.

Looking up, she couldn't see anything, it seemed like darkness itself had covered the opening of the well. She wondered how much time had passed, was Scott waiting to see if she survived? Had he ran away after shooting at her, bolting blindly into the streets of Tokyo? Or had he calmly concealed his weapon and slipped away into the night, thinking her dead and no one the wiser that he was in Japan to murder his ex-wife?

She had to chance that he was gone. She'd thought him stupid but at the same time, no one would be dumb enough to stick around after shooting one's ex-wife. In a panic or not, she had to assume that Scott had left. Otherwise he would have climbed down to check, making sure that she was dead and his goal had been accomplished. She didn't have anything else to go on.

Her wound seemed to have stopped bleeding. Thankfully the scrape seemed to be shallow and she honestly didn't know what she'd done to be so lucky. He'd been aiming for her head and she remembered turning away, trying to shield herself even as the realization had sunk in that even Scott wouldn't miss at this distance. The wound was clotted with blood and her robe was stuck to it.

She told herself that she really didn't want to poke at it too much, that could wait until she was back inside the house and had called the police to report that a dangerous lunatic had just attacked her. She hoped they'd catch him, by the gods she'd make sure he never saw the light of day again.

And when she got back to Hawaii, she was going to scream bloody murder at the judges who had thought her restraining order excessive. Someone was going to pay for this.

Her rage began to fade as she stared up at the dark opening of the well. She couldn't see a damn thing down here and Kagome wondered how the hell she was going to get herself out. She couldn't very well sit here all night; her mother would be worried sick and never think of looking in the well. Maybe jiichan or Souta would have, but they weren't there. Her mother might think she went out on her own and Kagome could yell and scream for hours with the hope that someone would come near enough the well house to see.

It was her own damn fault; she'd gotten rid of the ladder that used to hang in here. Kagome snorted and shook her head at her own paranoia of years past. Why remove the ladder? Inuyasha had never used it; he'd never needed it. The ladder had been just for her use when she climbed out of the well. After sealing it, who the hell would have thought she'd need it to get out again?

Kagome cursed to herself and started feeling around the sides of the well, hoping for anything that might give her a handhold. She couldn't see, not a damn thing, but it was still night and being able to look up and see the roof of the well house wasn't going to do her any good.

She flinched when she felt rope dangling against the cold stone wall of the well. Hesitantly she pulled, wondering why she'd left a rope down here and not remembering having done so. Did Souta or jiichan actually climb inside the bloody well after she left?

Kagome cursed again, this time in both French and Chinese, having run out of suitable Japanese or English descriptions for her dear husband. She was going to have him killed, to hell with the police. Her lawyers in Tokyo probably knew some shady characters, yakuza mobsters or something like that. She'd pay almost anything to see that Scott never left this country alive.

Some things were better handled privately, not in the courts of law.

As Kagome started to climb out of the well, the smell of flowers tingled in her nose. That's when she realized it; suddenly felt her senses screaming from it. She almost let go of the vine that she'd mistaken for a rope. Wildflowers never grew on her side of the well nor did vines.

O_h please, no_.

"It's impossible," she chattered to herself and started climbing again. "I sealed it, the seals were intact. I don't have the sacred jewel; the well wouldn't have opened for me." She felt dizzy and pressed her forehead against the cold side of the well. It comforted her, seemed to welcome her.

_No_.

She wasn't back. This was all just a bad dream.

A really bad dream.

After a few moments of blind panic and shaky prayers, she grit her teeth and continued to climb.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She'd never been so scared as she was right now.

Naraku was dead. He'd been laughing, safe behind his impenetrable barrier that even Tessaiga couldn't cut. Then suddenly barrier was gone, evaporated as if something had sucked all the spiritual energy, even the youki energy, out of the area. She'd felt it and tried to protect herself but like Naraku had been caught unawares, so had she. Kagome found herself swooning as if she'd lost the strength to carry her own weight.

When she'd recovered at least enough to lift her head and look up, she'd seen Kikyou beside Inuyasha, helping him stand. There was a conversation, she couldn't quite make out the details, but Inuyasha seemed to be protesting something. Angrily attempting to persuade the priestess of something, finally giving up and looking over his shoulder at Kagome as he really needed to tell her something. Kagome met his worried and determined gaze as he readied his blade and sent the most powerful Kaze no Kizu she'd ever seen right at Naraku.

Naraku's gross, misshapen body was blasted apart, bits and chunks of demonic flesh falling all around them like a grotesque rain of gore. And Kagome still couldn't move, she could only lie there and watch, helpless. Her body felt so heavy, so lifeless. Why couldn't she move?

"It's over, Kikyou," Inuyasha said, sheathing his sword. He walked back to Kagome, standing protectively over her body. "Let up on that spell, damn it. You're hurting her."

Kikyou ignored him and went to where Naraku had been. Slowly, the priestess knelt and started sifting through the remains. She stood up with something in each hand and walked over to Inuyasha. Kagome wanted to sit up, ask her how she'd done it, and even congratulate the priestess for her part in Naraku's destruction. Why couldn't she move?

Something wet and disgusting dropped right in front of Kagome's face, she would have flinched away from it if she could have done so. "That," Kikyou intoned in her deadly calm voice, "is Naraku's heart. Once it is destroyed, he'll have no way to rebuild his body."

"So what are you waiting for?" Inuyasha hadn't moved from his protective stance over Kagome. Did he think that Kikyou was going to threaten her? Would the priestess turn on them both now that Naraku had been destroyed?

Kikyou cupped her hands in front of her. Something between them was glowing, making her pale fingers turn transparent, bloodless as the priestess herself was. Kagome just stared up at her helplessly as Kikyou seemed to be in some kind of trance.

"This is what I died for," the priestess murmured, lost in the radiant, swirling energy. "I was afraid to use it before, I was frightened, but now I know better. Perhaps I should wish for a new life."

Inuyasha stirred restlessly. "Let Kagome free now, I told you, she's got nothing to do with it. Use the jewel if that's what you want."

"I can't," she said, her voice flat once more. "It will take the last of me, this destruction of Naraku. Once his heart is gone, I will curse his soul straight to hell and myself along with it."

"Does it have to be that way?" Inuyasha asked. His voice was sorrowful, filled with regrets for the Kikyou he had once known.

"Yes," she said. "You might want it otherwise, but I will not forget my duty."

With those words, Kikyou knelt and placed her hand upon the corrupt heart of the monster that had caused her and others so much misery. Her hand glowed and the chunk of flesh fell away as only ash, purified into nothingness by her touch. Kagome watched as something floated away, a glowing, indistinct ball of light that Kikyou reached out to capture, letting it be absorbed into her body.

"That was Naraku's soul," she said. "After all this time, I finally have him."

"Good," Inuyasha muttered. Kagome thought he should sound happier, but he didn't sound happy at all. "You should let Kagome go," he repeated yet again. "She's not a part of this anymore."

I'm not, Kagome thought, hurt and confused.

Kikyou smiled. "I will release her, I have no wish to harm her. You know what I need to do now, Inuyasha. And why I need to do it."

Stubbornly, he looked at the ground. "No. I'm not going with you, Kikyou. I'm still alive; when I'm dead you can have my soul and be welcome to it. Not before then."

Don't trust her, Kagome wanted to scream. Inuyasha, get away!

The jewel in Kikyou's hand pulsed suddenly and Inuyasha dropped to his knees. "Damn it," he said, obviously fighting something. "I don't want to..."

"You don't have a choice, my Inuyasha," Kikyou said. "This ends as it should have, we've both completed our tasks. We belong to each other, as we always have. This girl may have convinced you that you deserve to stay alive, but we both know you better than that. You haven't been honest with her any more than you have been honest with yourself."

Inuyasha gasped and seemed to be pulled up on his knees, his face turned skyward as an ethereal light filled his body. "Please," he whispered.

Kagome looked on in horror as another sphere of light appeared and this light she knew was Inuyasha. It was him, it was his soul that Kikyou was preparing to absorb and drag to hell with her. After everything they'd been through, Kagome just couldn't stand the idea. She summoned every last bit of spiritual energy inside her, fueled it with her desperation and her love. She broke through Kikyou's spell and sat up, reaching out blindly.

"Stop it!" she cried.

Inuyasha's soul hovered, checked by her command. Kikyou scowled and tried to twist the hanyou's energy from her grip but Kagome held fast. "Just take the jewel," the young reincarnation murmured. "You don't need to have him too! Let him go. Please!"

She felt the clash of their wills. Kikyou's eyes flashed with anger and her hand clenched around the Shikon no Tama, but she could not break Kagome's hold over Inuyasha's soul. The priestess' eyes met Kagome's. "I know you think you're saving him," Kikyou said softly. "Believe me, you do not understand."

Kagome grit her teeth and concentrated on holding him. "I understand that he didn't choose to go to hell with you."

The priestess seemed to be weakening, already she looked faded. "It's taking all my strength to restrain Naraku's soul," she said. "I can't fight you and him both. I ask you, please, let me finish what I must."

"You will not take him," Kagome said, her voice hard and strong. For all the times he'd risked himself, for all the times he'd fought for her, she would now fight for him. "You have Naraku, you have the jewel. Just let go of hating him. Let Inuyasha go."

"I don't hate him," Kikyou whispered. "I loved him, I still love him. Don't you understand that? This is the only way to save us both."

"I don't believe you," Kagome said. She was winning. She was the copy; she was the lowly incarnation, the imperfect version of Kikyou's perfection. And she was beating her. "Let him go."

"Do you love him?" Kikyou asked, her voice starting to fade. "Do you think your love makes a difference, that it really changed him?"

She didn't know what Kikyou was getting at, but it was making her angry. "He has changed," Kagome said tightly. "If you ever really loved him, you'd see that, you'd understand why I have to stop you." She raised her chin, got to her knees and faced Kikyou fearlessly. "I won't ever abandon him!"

"If you love him, you'll listen to me now," Kikyou said. "After I'm gone, the jewel will still be here and every bit as dangerous as it was before you shattered it. You must purify the jewel immediately. Then hide it. Take it some place where there are no demons and bury it deep in sacred grounds. You must promise that to me, Kagome. If you promise, I will let him go."

That didn't seem like so much trouble, Kagome thought. She would have done it anyway, if only Kikyou had asked her. "I will do it," she agreed.

Kikyou met her eyes. "No matter what, no matter what the reason or the need, you must keep Inuyasha from taking the jewel."

"He doesn't want it anymore!" Kagome shouted. "Why can't you see he's changed? He's seen what it can do; he knows it isn't what he wants. Believe me, Kikyou!"

"I wish I could," the priestess murmured. "In any case, I'm growing weak now. Please remember, Inuyasha must not use the jewel. If you love him..."

Kikyou's body was dissolving, becoming filled with holes of light. Kagome realized that they were trapped souls, trying to tear themselves away from her at the last minute to keep from being dragged to hell. Under Kikyou's feet, the ground was fading away, becoming less solid. Kagome crawled over to Inuyasha's side as the tiny point of light that was his came to her, hovering in front of her eyes. Using her will, she pushed it back towards his body, sighing in relief as it faded when it touched his skin.

She couldn't look as Kikyou finally faded away completely, lost in a darkness that was spilling from the gap in the earth. Protectively, she threw her body over Inuyasha, pushing him down as a wind began to howl over their heads. She buried her face in his back and clenched her teeth because she could hear the howling of the damned as Kikyou made her descent into hell.

Then it was over, everything was silent. Inuyasha coughed, trying to push himself up. She rolled to the side and covered her face, drained. It's over, she thought, grateful.

"Kagome," Inuyasha's voice sounded dazed. "What happened?"

Wearily, she pulled herself to her feet and something clicked against her shoe. Kagome knelt and picked up. Such a harmless looking little trinket, it could be a child's marble, a toy. It flared briefly at her touch, instantly purified. She smiled. Promise kept.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha sounded annoyed. "Where is Kikyou? Did she do it, did she take Naraku to hell?"

Tears in her eyes, she went to stand next to him. "Yes. And almost you too. I managed to talk her out of it at the last minute. I think she was just tired of fighting."

His expression was suspicious. "She just let me go? Just like that? I don't understand."

He didn't protest when she went and put her arms around him. "You made her let me go," he murmured. "I remember now, you forced her to let me go."

Inuyasha's arms came around her and he held her tightly. This was wonderful; this was why she'd saved him. He deserved better than to be dragged to hell with a dead love's vengeance. He deserved his chance to start his life over, not be ruled by hatred or anger or revenge. This was what she'd fought for the whole time, for him, for Inuyasha. She smiled at him as he tipped her chin up. "Why do you stay with me, Kagome?"

It made her want to laugh. "You idiot, you know I love you. That's the only reason that matters."

He smiled, a faint, strange look in his eyes. "You've always been so sure of me, so honest. I don't think you understand the kind of gift you're giving me." His lips touched hers and Kagome melted against him, accepting his kiss as passionately as her own inexperience would allow, her arms winding around his neck.

His hands traveled from her shoulders and down her arms, gently pulling her hands away from him and clasping them tightly. "Everything will be different now," he said. And she believed him.

For he held up his hand and showed her the Shikon no Tama, she realized he'd taken from her grasp when he'd kissed her. Her face fell and Kagome looked at the ground and did not care when Inuyasha pulled her close again and buried his face in her hair.

_**Present Day**_

This was not happening.

Her hands were scratched and bleeding, her injured shoulder still ached with a dull throb. Kagome had nothing to use to hack at the thick vines, which seemed to seal the well better than any physical covering could. She didn't remember it being so difficult to climb out of the well, but with just her bare fingers, not even a kitchen knife, or a sharp rock to help cut her way through, she had to practically battle her way out.

Finally, she managed to carve a hole for herself, just wide enough for her body and she wormed her way through the twisted overgrowth and sighed in exhaustion once free. The vines had completely overgrown the well covering on this side. She didn't remember them being so thick or strong and wondered why they'd been allowed to grow so wild.

Was someone trying to protect the old well or seal it further? Perhaps Kaede had planted the vines; maybe it was just the result of ten years disuse, nothing going in or out of the ancient well to impede their growth. She didn't remember them from the first time she'd traveled through time.

Either way, it was a damned inconvenient thing, having to fight her way out of the well when she barely had the strength to stand on her own two feet.

It was still night, but the sky was starting to lighten. Kagome was grateful. That meant morning would be coming soon. In spite of the circumstances, it would make her feel better just seeing the sun. She tried not to worry about how she was ever going to get home right now. Perhaps Kaede would have some idea on how to persuade the well to take her home.

One thing she remembered, jewel shards or not, the well had always taken her back to her own time. That didn't seem to depend on any special powers, sacred jewels or bad tempered half demons.

When she'd came to that realization, she'd laughed an only slightly hysterical laugh of relief and let herself drop from halfway up the well to the dirt floor below, fully expecting to feel the strange floating sensation that heralded a trip through the ages. Her stomach expected the weird falling feeling; she actually looked around her expectantly for it just as she leaped.

Nothing happened, there was no magical transport for her. She could almost feel the well's rejection. She'd landed badly, unable to see around her, and twisted her ankle. She was lucky, it wasn't broken or sprained, just a nasty little wrench of pain to add to her growing list of grievances.

Now she stood under a clear night sky and the air in her lungs tasted strange it was so clean. The smells around her were playing games with her memories, triggering things she'd long repressed. For a second, she was fifteen again, scared because this was all so new and strange. She half wanted to turn around and look down the well, searching for the centipede bitch that had tried to kill her the first time.

Involuntarily, her fingers went to her side feeling for the old scar. It had faded so much only she was able to see it in certain lights. Not one single lover had ever mentioned it, not even those that had pored over her body with an almost drunken fascination.

_Kagome, you're so beautiful. I knew the minute I saw you I'd have you as mine_.

She was disgusted at the memories, revolted by her selfishness. How had she ever fallen into that trap? Allowed herself to only feel worthwhile when some man was on fire for her, demanding for her. It made her sick now. In all other aspects of her life she was the one in control, the queen bitch that nobody challenged. She always got what she wanted.

And what she wanted was the power that a man's helpless desire gave her, the power that said she was the one who wrote the rules, they played her game. None had ever made her feel vulnerable, but none had ever burned her soul to ash with his passion either.

Her fingers fell away from her side as she walked, firmly putting the memories back in the place. Not all of her scars were on the outside; she reserved the ugliest ones for herself alone.

Kagome thought about that as she made her way to the village. Ten years later and she still knew the path by heart. It was overgrown and full of weeds, the forest had stubbornly tried to reclaim the path, but Kagome expected this after seeing the condition of the well. Why would anyone else come this way if they weren't maintaining the well?

The villagers had been leery of the forest from the beginning; it was off limits, no one wanted to encounter whatever lurked in the darkness. The forest bore his name, but Kagome had never understood the villagers' fear of it. Inuyasha had been sealed when the forest acquired its reputation, but even sleeping he was frightening to them.

She snorted to herself. Sleeping he was nothing, sleeping he was innocent and sweet, just a boy. Just a boy and nothing more.

She wondered if anyone would remember her. She thought so; she'd had friends here once. She hoped old Kaede was still alive, so many times over the years she'd wanted to talk to the old woman. Kaede always knew what to say, how to put her confusion into perspective.

She missed that. Someone in the village would remember her as the strange priestess, the one who woke the hanyou and fought evil at his side. She might not get the warmest of welcome, but they'd help her. They had to. Didn't they?

The sun was starting to creep higher in the sky, not over the horizon yet but she could see shades of pinks and golds see in painting the sky in the distance. A breathtaking sunrise was on the way. Kagome normally didn't like to be awake at sunrise; she always thought of herself as a sunset person and had seen many of those over the years. From the beach in Hawaii, from the glass encased skyscrapers of Los Angeles where the thick, smoggy air turned sunset into a firestorm. The French Riviera, where she and Scott had honeymooned so long ago. From her company's private condo in Hong Kong, looking out over the harbor and drinking expensive wine with a dashing Chinese investor that was so taken by her beauty and her intelligence that he'd quite lost out on getting the best deal for his own interests.

No matter, as she recalled life in the village began early. Already the women would be up cooking for their men, preparing them to spend the entire day working in the fields. Children would be waking as well, crying for their morning meals. Chickens would be wandering restlessly around the hard packed earth of the village yard, and girls would be going to the river to draw water soon and boys leading the livestock to pasture.

She was no longer acclimatized this pastoral existence, but something inside her was welcoming it and the pleasant memories it invoked. Like she'd never learned that in her heart, she was born to be a city girl.

Kagome crested the hill, following the curve in the land that took her to the little village. She wondered how tall the youngest children she remembered had grown and how handsome the young boys were now. So she had a faint smile on her lips when she rounded the bend and walked into the village.

And stopped, frozen in place. Trapped in horrified surprise. The village...it was gone.

The buildings were still there, at least what were left of them. It was obvious that something terrible had happened here and also obvious that it had happened a long time ago. Most of the homes were wrecked; pathetic and sad little structures that had been bashed in, some burnt. Nothing left but the wood and thatch that had once held them together.

Something had torn through the village like a juggernaught, an angry hellfire of revenge. It wasn't random; the huts were methodically torn apart, roofs caved in and the walls ripped away. And it had all been left in ruins.

That was what struck her; no one had tried to rebuild this place. And she knew, oh yes she knew because she'd seen this vision before in her darkest nightmares. The ones that told her that just because she'd escaped didn't mean anyone else would be spared from his wrath.

"Oh Inuyasha, how could you?" she whispered, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

Her feet didn't want to move, but she made them carry her forward anyway. Even the pain of her sore ankle was ignored as she toured the place she'd known so long ago. Ten years, she thought, grim and grieving. There wouldn't be any human remains left in the open after so long. Scavengers would have picked the bones clean, probably scattered them as well. She didn't see any graves, the survivors hadn't stayed to bury the dead or there hadn't been any survivors at all.

She winced, raising her hand to her face to wipe away the tears that were now flowing freely. Salt on her lips, the taste of regret. Sad as it was, she couldn't help but regret the most that she would find no help in the ruin of a village.

Kaede's hut looked the most intact, strangely enough. She wondered why. Maybe he'd spared her home deliberately. Maybe he remembered all the times that Kaede had supported them, tried to help them. Maybe he'd just caught the old woman outside and hadn't needed to wreck the little hut after all.

Kagome suddenly felt so tired, so very tired. She knew she might be suffering from shock, if not from Scott's attempt on her life, from the sheer stress of transition and finding herself back where she'd started. She wasn't thinking clearly, but she still wanted to go into Kaede's hut. She had no other shelter and the old woman's hut had at least it had kept its roof.

Entering, the memories intensified until she started to shiver uncontrollably. The morning air was chill and all she had on was a light robe and a delicate silk nightgown. Kaede's floor was coated with dust and dirt, not tidy as she remembered it always being. Such a small place, but a lone old woman didn't need much space.

It was only when filled with her friends that the small hut would feel crowded. She remembered curling up on Kaede's floor, not caring much about the rough wood and still finding it easy to sleep on the small mat that the elderly priestess provided for her. In that corner, Sango would have bedded down with Kirara cuddled close to her chest. At a suitably groping-safe distance, Miroku would have also laid down to rest.

She herself would choose a place by the fire, for warmth and for light, with a kitsune lying as close as possible next to her. They all rested well here, usually returning from some adventure or another to be comforted by Kaede's warm hospitality and simple meals.

And on the roof, a hanyou that didn't like to admit that sometimes he was every bit as tired as a human would often keep watch over his little group of friends.

No one was going to watch over her now, if any humans had survived the destruction of the village, they probably knew she was to blame. It was her that woke him, her that tamed him. Her that brought him into their midst and her that unleashed his fury when she ran for her life.

Kagome was too tired for old guilt, too tired for a lot of things, even feeling sorry for herself. Exhausted, she lay down and pulled her knees tight against her chest and willed herself to rest.

_Why did you do it? Why did you become such monster?_

_Why was it so important to you? You didn't need to become a demon._

_I would have stayed with you forever_.


	8. Eight

Possession 08

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

The storm woke her with a loud crash of thunder and a violent flash of lightning. Kagome sat up, clutching her battered sleeping bag to her chest and wishing her heart wouldn't pound so frantically. It's just a storm, she told herself. Nothing to be afraid of…just a storm.

The rain pounded on the roof and Kagome eyed the ceiling warily, wondering if it was going to start leaking. It had leaked a little bit the last time it had rained and Kagome herself had fixed it, tired of the annoying drizzle that had dampened the floor. She was rather proud of her handiwork and felt a sort of satisfaction that she could accomplish such things on her own.

Her first instinct had been to ask for help, maybe plead with one of the village men to show her the right way to bind the roof of the tiny hut. Luckily she'd come to her senses before doing something so foolish. The last thing she needed was for him to come home and smell the presence of another male.

There was a rustle at the tattered mat that served as a door for her home. "Kagome?" a small voice asked into the darkness. "Are you awake?"

"Shippou," she answered, grateful for his presence and his concern. She opened her arms, letting the young kitsune snuggle close to her. Since Inuyasha wasn't here, it was all right for them to hug. He'd gotten strangely possessive about that, although how he could see the small fox as a threat or a rival was beyond her comprehension.

It was just Shippou, the same Shippou they'd met on the side of the road, an orphaned fox demon who had adopted her and Inuyasha both as a surrogate family.

Now Inuyasha growled menacingly when Shippou came near, like he hated the idea of anyone touching her however innocent it might be. Whenever he reappeared after one of his long absences, the first thing he did was sniff her all over, testing to see where she'd been and whom she'd been with. Then he'd ask her, expecting her to tell him the truth and half hoping she'd lie.

Kagome knew better than to lie. And what was the point? She had nothing to hide.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, stroking the fox's soft hair. "Do you want me to make you something to eat?" She had food. Inuyasha was good about that at least. He might not choose to stay with her for long but at least he seemed to understand that Kagome wasn't entirely able to provide for herself. It would be wrong of her to depend on the village, although Kaede invited her to take whatever she needed from her garden.

The old woman also invited her to come and eat with her whenever she wished, but more and more Kagome didn't like going to the village. The stares and murmurs were just unbearable. She knew what they thought. Before they'd seen her as a priestess, an odd sort of priestess, but one just the same.

Now they just looked at her and Kagome didn't have to hear their words to know what they were thinking. Demon's bitch, demon's whore. She was to be feared and reviled because Inuyasha had become everything they hated.

Shippou shook his head. "I'm not hungry. I just came because I know how much you hate the storms. I couldn't sleep thinking that you were all alone and afraid."

Tears sprang to her eyes at that and she smiled as she hugged him close. "You're a good friend, Shippou. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be bored," he answered, a small twinkle in his dark green eyes. That made her smile even more. Shippou had been traumatized by Miroku and Sango's deaths as well; he missed them as dearly as she did. When she and Inuyasha had returned from their final battle with Naraku, the small fox had been almost hysterical with relief to see them walk into the village.

"You're back," he bawled and flung himself into Kagome's arms. Inuyasha had growled and moved swiftly to intercept, swatting Shippou away.

"Inuyasha!" she cried, picking up the stunned fox. "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't like him throwing himself at you all the time," the hanyou turned full demon had snarled. "He should just back off, damn it."

Shippou looked angry. "You don't tell me what to do," he said, clutching at Kagome. Shippou squealed when Inuyasha snatched him up by his tail, tearing him out of Kagome's arms and ignoring her protests. He shook the fox like a doll until the squealing sound died away, leaving the frightened kitsune staring at him.

"You have stripes on your face," Shippou said, sounding shocked. "Your smell is different too."

"No shit," Inuyasha hissed. "Even a runt like you should know what that means."

Shippou knew. As soon as Inuyasha dropped him, he ran like the scared forest creature he'd been when they'd first encountered him. Kagome watched him run away and turned an accusing glare on Inuyasha. "What's wrong with you?" she demanded, her hands on her hips. "You didn't have to scare him like that, Shippou was probably worried sick about us."

"I don't care," he answered sullenly. "Just tell him to keep away from me if he knows what's good for him. And he'd better stop climbing all over you. It makes me sick."

"Since when?" she asked derisively.

Really, the childish rivalry between them was ridiculous. They vied for her attention like two competing siblings and it had always annoyed her, grated on her nerves the way Inuyasha bullied the little fox. But Inuyasha had been protective of him as well, like a big brother who didn't know how to demonstrate affection other than with insults and jibes.

Now something had changed in his eyes and Inuyasha looked dangerous. Kagome took a step back as he closed in on her.

"Since always," he said coldly. "You tell him not to push me, Kagome. You tell him that if you don't want him to get hurt."

Inuyasha would hurt Shippou? At the time, she hadn't believed it, hadn't wanted to see what he was really becoming. Now she knew better and so did the kitsune. He kept his distance from Inuyasha, and kept his distance from Kagome whenever the youkai was near. Kaede had stepped in and offered to let Shippou stay with her, for that Kagome was grateful.

Still, something had changed inside the merry little fox; he grew tense and wary, spending more time alone in the forest than in the village, only seeking her out when he was sure that Inuyasha was nowhere nearby.

The thunder crashed and Kagome jumped. She told herself she wasn't afraid of the storm, but she had never liked loud noises. Just to give herself something to do, Kagome lit a fire in the small hearth and started to heat some water. It wasn't much, but at least she could make them some tea and offer Shippou a little of her leftover fish from dinner. She worried that he wasn't eating enough, although she told herself that was just silly.

Shippou could take care of his own needs. Just like she could.

She had just put a cup in his hands when a particularly loud crash of thunder shook the small hut. Shippou jumped into her arms at the sound, shaking like a leaf and she held him as tightly as she could manage. "Everything is okay," she soothed, stroking his hair. "The storm will be over soon."

They were both splattered with water when Inuyasha suddenly entered the hut, flinging aside the mat violently. He stared at them for a moment before shaking himself, sending more water flying around them. His eyes glittered when he saw the fox in her arms and a predatory smile spread across his face.

"What are you here for, runt?"

Shippou didn't answer, just trembled against her. Kagome could feel his heart pounding and disgust filled her that it was Inuyasha who inspired so much fear. "He just came to see if I was okay," she said. "He knows how much I hate thunderstorms."

Inuyasha hesitated, calculation in his eyes. "Okay," he said at last, like he was debating about something. "I guess that's all right with me."

"It is?" Kagome couldn't help it; she was surprised by his easy acceptance.

She'd expected him to order Shippou away, say something vicious and hurtful. Inuyasha was gone more often than not, running wild across the countryside. Probably killing things left and right, attacking whatever was unlucky enough to cross his path. He flopped down on the floor and smiled at her.

"Come here."

Her fingers tensed on Shippou for a moment, wanting to tell him to go to hell, but she didn't dare provoke him. Not with Shippou around to bear the brunt of his temper. Silently, she put her kitsune friend aside and went to sit near him, not touching him but easily within reach. Inuyasha just grunted and pulled her into his lap, nuzzling her as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I missed you," he said, his voice rough with desire.

Kagome's face felt like it was on fire, she was blushing so hard from the shame of having him act like this in front of Shippou. Inuyasha's breath was hot in her ear. "Say you missed me too, Kagome."

"I missed you," she said, hating him for the way he made her feel. She pulled away from him, squirming out of his lap.

"Can I make you something to eat?" she asked lamely.

Inuyasha yawned and shook his head. "Nope. Not hungry for food." She felt him watching her as she went through the motions of tidying up the small space. It was eerie, so quiet. Kagome felt anxiety fluttering in her chest like a trapped bird desperate for escape.

"Hey Shippou," she said brightly. "I still have some crayons, would you like to draw?"

The little fox hesitated for moment before answering her. "Yes," he said in the softest voice she'd ever heard.

Inuyasha snorted to himself and stretched out on the thin futon that served as her bed. "Isn't this nice?" he asked, his voice husky and teasing. "All three of us together just like a little family."

"Inuyasha," she said warningly, not liking the way his tone was thick with dark amusement.

"Kagome," he mocked her with her own name. "It's true, we are like a family. Isn't that right, Shippou? Kagome always took care of you, babied you. That must make her like your mother in some ways, even if she's not a kitsune. Since I'm screwing her that would make me your father. Is that what you want, is that why you keep coming back?"

His words stayed light and teasing, but she couldn't help but feel the hurt behind them and Kagome felt tears standing in her eyes. "Don't do this to him," she whispered pleadingly. "Just let him alone, Inuyasha. He's never done anything to you."

"Oh, he's played his little tricks, don't you remember that? I remember it very well."

Kagome sat down next to Shippou and put her arm around him. He was tense like he expected to run for his life. "Are you trying to scare him, Inuyasha?" she asked quietly.

He rolled on his side to face them, his head propped on his fist propped on his fist as he studied her face. The tension was unbearable; she could feel Shippou trembling under her arm.

"Are you?" she asked again.

Something changed in his eyes, it looked almost like shame. With a grunt, he rolled on his back again and closed his eyes. "Nah, I was just teasing. Just keep your yammering down. I'm tired and I want to sleep."

It was a long evening. Kagome and Shippou listened to the rain splatter against the roof, quietly playing games and drawing with Kagome's worn crayons. Finally, she felt so tired she just couldn't keep her eyes open and tucked a worn blanket around the tired little fox. Inuyasha has been silent this whole time, but she really didn't think he was sleeping either.

_At least he was being civil_, she thought gratefully.

After putting Shippou to bed and even daring to press a swift kiss on his forehead, Kagome reluctantly went to lie down next to Inuyasha. He didn't acknowledge her or even notice that she slipped in next to him. Kagome pulled her sleeping bag around her shoulders and curled up, not touching him and closed her eyes.

This wasn't so bad, it wasn't bad at all. She could almost pretend that Inuyasha was back to his old self. It felt good having Shippou with them. Maybe the kitsune could start spending more time around her now. Maybe Inuyasha would be gentler with Shippou around and start to remember what things had been like for them when they all relied so much upon each other.

She must have dozed off. The next thing she knew, Inuyasha's hands were slowly moving down her body, caressing her waist and hips. She caught her breath as Inuyasha's mouth ran down the side of her neck and his tongue traced the shell of her ear.

"Maybe he doesn't think of you as his mother after all, Kagome," he whispered intimately. "Shippou is a demon. You might treat him like a fuzzy little toy, but he's really a demon and he understands me better than you think."

She shuddered at the menacing tone of his voice and tried to pull away but he gently tugged her back, breathing into her hair. "Think about it," he whispered, his hands moving lower, rubbing the sides of her legs, and making the skin warm to his touch.

"He's almost as possessive about you as if you were his mate, he wants to protect you from me. He's too young to challenge me for you and he knows he'd lose. That's why he clings to you and pretends that he thinks he's your kit. It's the best he can get from you and he knows it."

"You're sick," she muttered, cringing away from him at the idea.

"Ask him," Inuyasha said, still smiling against the back of her neck like it was the greatest joke in the universe. "Ask him sometime how he really feels about you. Ask him what he's thinks about when he sees me touching you."

She wouldn't ask, he already knew that. Inuyasha's claws dug into her legs, prying her thighs apart. She twisted in his grasp, suddenly desperate to stop him. "No, don't. Not in front of..."

He laughed and turned her face back to where Shippou had been sleeping. "He's already gone, run away like the little runt he is. He waited until you fell asleep, I guess he didn't want to stick around and watch me fuck you."

Kagome suddenly felt rage flare to life inside her. She'd had enough. Roughly, she pushed him away, shoved his hands away from her skin. "Is this fun for you? Do you like hurting me, hurting Shippou? I swear I don't even know who you are anymore!"

Inuyasha grinned at her. "Hurting you? You should see the look on your face, Kagome. If you had claws, you'd tear me apart right now. Go on, say you want to hurt me back."

At her silence, he leaned back and looked contemplative before offering her a dark smile. "I bet you'd really like to sit me, wouldn't you?"

"Sit you?" she echoed, shocked. "I can't sit you, the rosary..."

"Is gone, I know," he said, licking his lips. "Say it anyway. I want you to."

"No," she snapped. He growled playfully at her and grabbed her by the arms, pinning her to the floor in one swift movement. He held her wrists and stared down at her face. She twisted against his hold; it was futile as they both knew where this was going. Inuyasha nuzzled her chest; she could feel his hot tongue through the thin fabric of her shirt and gasped in spite of herself.

She felt him laughing at her. "If I'm such a bastard, then why do you like it so much?"

"No," she breathed, defying him again. She bucked against him, but he was too strong. He was always too strong.

"You know you want it," he murmured into her breasts, his hands moving over her skin and teasing reaction from her with the lightest touch of his claws. Kagome shivered and couldn't answer when he pushed up her shirt and gently sucked at her nipples until she wanted to scream.

He made her legs quake with his touch, he made her twist and writhe helplessly. Kagome shattered and broke, crying out hoarsely as she pulled his hair, his mouth covered hers made it hard for her to breathe. She was going to pass out, she was going to die and she didn't even care. His movements rocked her relentlessly until her hips and shoulders cried out from the strain.

Ruthless, he held her on the edge, threatening to push her over and let her drown. He abandoned her and left her broken; he claimed her pieces for his own.

"Say it," he said, his voice slurred and drunken against her throat. He shifted and heard her suck in a deep breath, her body shuddering under his, teetering dangerously on the brink as he pushed himself deep inside. "Say you want me, Kagome. Say that you love me, I want to hear you say it."

She was panting now, she couldn't catch her breath. His hands and mouth were wreaking havoc on her weak body. She felt exposed and forlorn, completely at his mercy now. He was going to make her scream for him tonight. He liked the absolute control it gave him, this twisted dominance over her body and spirit. Every time he made love to her, he stole a little piece of her soul.

There wasn't any Kagome left anymore, she'd given it all away and arched her back, screaming for him as he drove his body against hers in an overwhelming tide of urgent demand.

"Say it." His fang dipped low to graze her breast. She had no more defenses.

He growled at her wordless cries. "I said say it, Kagome. Say you love me!"

She whimpered the words into his chest, his sweat mixing with her tears. Her thighs ached from holding him so hard. Finally, he shuddered and shoved her hard into the futon, heedless of the bruises his hands left on her arms. As he relaxed, he rolled to the side while holding her tight against him in a possessive embrace. Kagome just bowed her head against his shoulder and cried until she fell asleep.

_**Present Day**_

The gun barrel came up, leveled at her face. She couldn't see Scott's expression, all she could see was the pistol as its aim wavered between her eyes.

"No, please," she whispered.

The flash of the muzzle, the stench of gunpowder in the air. This time she wasn't fast enough, she couldn't move out of the way. Instead of ducking, feeling the piercing pain as the bullet grazed her arm, its force struck her directly. It pierced her temple, shattered the delicate bones of her skull and buried deeply in her brain. She fell limply to the floor, dying and bleeding as she stared up at Scott. Her vision faded away just as she saw that his hair had turned silver and flowed down over his shoulders in a molten cascade.

_I'll kill us both before I let you get away_.

She sat up gasping, her hand pressed hard to her chest. The dream had been so real; she'd honestly forgotten that she was lying on a dusty, dirty floor of a dilapidated hut. The dream was too real, too awful. Kagome shuddered violently and then shook her head hard, trying to clear her mind.

"It was a dream," she said aloud, wanting to hear her own voice. "Just a nightmare."

She felt stiff from sleeping on the floor and looked outside to see the sun was high overhead. I guess I didn't sleep that long, she told herself. At least it's still only around noon. But what did it matter what time it was? She was just as trapped, trapped in the past with no way home and gods only knew what was waiting for her outside.

She looked down at the blood crusting the fabric of her robe to her skin and knew that she had to at least try to clean the wound. This was no time to let it get infected. Not when she was hundreds of years in the past and antibiotics a fond memory of the future.

Shaking her head again, Kagome forced herself to get to her feet and start taking inventory of her surroundings. She had been despairing before, but she wasn't about to let this beat her. She could take care of herself, she was determined to survive and get back to her real life.

If only for the sole reason of making sure that Scott did not escape the consequences of what he'd done to her. Her dear ex-husband might be thinking he'd finished her off, but Kagome Higurashi wasn't about to let him have the last word.

A quick inventory of the small hut yielded dismal results. Kaede seemed to have left in a hurry, but there wasn't much left behind. Kagome knew she couldn't use the herbs that had been left in their containers. She knew they were too old to have retained any of their useful properties. She wanted to make a poultice for her arm and realized that she would have to collect the fresh herbs on her own.

At least there was still a bit of firewood and Kagome was proud when she had no difficulty starting a tiny fire. The wood was musty and it smelled like a family of mice had been living in the hearth. She couldn't find any tools left behind in Kaede's hut and although it would have been nice to have something useful like a blade or a bowl, she took heart of the fact that so many things were missing.

Perhaps Kaede had escaped Inuyasha's attack on the village. Escaped and regrouped, taking her possessions with her to move to some safer place. She liked that idea a lot, it gave her hope and she wished for it to be true.

Kagome found a cracked shallow bowl that she could fill with water and place over the coals. This meant a walk down to the river but she needed to have some water to tend her shoulder. There was just no help for it.

_Calm down, woman_, she told herself firmly. _It's broad daylight and the river isn't far. You just have to grab a bucket and make it quick. No one is going to jump you; no one even knows you're here_.

Telling herself that she was panicking for no good reason, Kagome found the required bucket lying on the ground just outside Kaede's stoop. She picked it up and hurried down the path. It was just as overgrown as the path from the well had been and Kagome cursed her bare feet and the sharp stones in her path. There had to be a spare set of sandals somewhere in this ruin of a village. She wasn't sure she could fashion her own and just kept her fingers crossed as yet another rock lodged itself in the tender surface of her left sole. Damn it!

The river was exactly the same as she remembered and she scolded herself for thinking that it would be any different. How many times had she sat on its banks? How many times had she dipped her tired feet into the cooling water and splashed playfully at her friends? Now she filled her bucket and forced her mind away from those good memories. They couldn't help her now and she had to be practical if she wanted to survive.

The water bucket seemed heavier than it should be; she had to use both hands and considered that there was no reason to fill it so full. It would have been easier to carry if she'd just filled it half way. That would have been enough water for her to wash in. Kagome was studiously not thinking of food at this point but she guessed Kaede's garden might be her best bet.

And there were fish in the river, although she was not optimistic about her skill in catching them. She was a city woman; any fish she consumed came to her prepared neatly on a plate by the finest chefs. It had been forever since she'd had to prepare her own raw food. Just the idea of fish guts on her hands was making her queasy.

Kagome was preoccupied by her heavy bucket and also distracted by the idea of having to catch a fish to feed herself. She made her way slowly up the path, grumbling about how her manicure was going to be totally ruined. Her thoughts were selfish and superficial, but she understood herself well enough to realize that she was just trying to keep the panic at bay.

Utterly alone with no way to get home and no way to survive in a rough era, she was a woman alone without protection. What was to stop anyone from attacking her? Not just youkai, there were bandits, marauders. Kagome shuddered, knowing all too well the hazards that a lone woman could face. She would have to find a way home.

It was then that she noticed something was following her; her ears detected the faint rustling of foliage that had nothing to do with her footsteps on the overgrown path. She swallowed hard and told herself to ignore it. But she still made herself walk a little bit faster, her steps quick and determined.

She wasn't far from the village but the cluster of ruined buildings offered her little protection. When she heard the sound suddenly rustle louder as something fell in behind her, she didn't hesitate. She dropped her bucket and ran for her life.

Kagome blessed the fact that she had kept herself in shape. Even her sore ankle didn't slow her down as she raced down the path, her legs pumping wildly. She usually ran at least five to ten miles a day back in Honolulu, a lot of the time she ran uphill over natural terrain. She might not have much luck of defending herself against whatever pursued her, but she could sure as hell try to outrun it.

Instinct warned her and Kagome screamed and flung herself face down in the dirt, feeling her palms skidded almost raw. Just over her shoulder some kind of serpent beast had been aiming for her. She rolled to the side, desperate to get her legs under her. She remembered this part of life in this era.

You had to keep moving, if you stopped you were just dead meat. As long as you could keep your feet, you might have some kind of chance against whatever monster had decided to make you their lunch. She caught a frantic glimpse of black and green teeth in a raw red mouth. Suddenly something crashed into her side and she realized the beast wasn't stupid. It knew it had to knock her down to wrap those jaws around her body. She curled into a ball with a shriek and covered her head.

She heard it moving closer, could smell the stench of its breath as the gaping maw opened above her. So much for survival, she thought, screwing her eyes tightly shut and hoping it would quick. That was all she had left to hope for, she was out of options and no one was going to come to her rescue this time.

Kagome heard a shout, something leapt over her head and she rolled out of the way as the serpent oni struck. A slim body hurtled in front of her, drawing the strike away from her and springing high over her head. He was so fast he was a blur, Kagome couldn't make out the features of her rescuer but a quick strike of his claws opened the snake's body and dark blood gushed from the wound.

She didn't hesitate when she saw the mess pooling towards her. Kagome scrambled out of the way and promptly tripped over her own feet, falling hard on her ass in a clump of tall weeds.

"You stupid woman," a voice rasped harshly. "Don't you know demons are all over this area? What kind of idiot are you?'

Suddenly angry, she sat up, shoving weeds to the side as she struggled to get to her feet. "I didn't know it was there. I was just getting some water!"

"You were just about to get yourself killed, this territory is dangerous for humans."

Kagome yelped as a hard hand reached into the brush and grasped her wrist. She found herself unceremoniously yanked to her feet and stared at the youkai who rescued her. He was a beautiful young man, skin tanned to bronze with copper red hair that fell over his shoulder. His eyes were a dark, rich shade of green and fairly glittered with mischief. She started to pull away, not quite believing what she was seeing but the handsome young demon held her fast.

He stared down at her and seemed to be lost in a trance. His eyes roamed over her face, her hair and suddenly he yanked her closer and inhaled, his eyes going wide in recognition. "You can't be..." he whispered.

Kagome's lips started to tremble. He was older, he looked so different. But his eyes, his eyes were the same for all they were guarded and wary. There was no mistaking them.

"Shippou," she husked, hardly able to make her voice work.

He grabbed her shoulders and stared into her face. "Kagome...you can't be here. Am I just dreaming? Are you real?"

She'd thought he was dead. She'd resigned herself to it, believing his last heroic effort in saving her had cost him his life. Kagome remembered the manic fury in Inuyasha's face when he'd slammed the kitsune boy into a tree. She remembered the cruelty in his eyes as he'd savagely punched Shippou right in the face and then thrown him to the ground.

She hadn't known if he was alive or dead, she told herself over the years that he was almost certainly dead. And it was all her fault. Just like everything was always her fault.

"Kagome?" he said gently, smiling at her. "I missed you."

It was too much. With a desperate cry she flung her arms around the startled kitsune and sobbed into his chest. Shippou's arms wrapped around her and held her carefully as he rocked her back and forth, soothing her now as she had once comforted him when he was just a frightened orphan who had no where else to turn.

oOo

"And that's what happened," Kagome said, folding her hands in her lap and not meeting his gaze. She and Shippou were in Kaede's old hut, a small fire burning brightly. Shippou had half carried her back to the village; she was still too much in shock at seeing him again.

For once, Kagome was grateful to have someone else taking care of her. Shippou had built up the small fire, put the cracked bowl over the coals to heat some water for her. Then he'd found an oversized yukata to wrap around her like a blanket and even gone so far as to sweep out the worst of the dust and debris from the floor.

Now she sat and told him what had happened, the confrontation with Scott, the way she'd fallen down the well and how it had mysteriously opened for her.

"Your mate meant to kill you?" he asked, his voice hesitant and soft.

"Yes," she said, sighing in defeat. She wasn't about to tell Shippou why Scott had been such an obsessed lunatic, better that her friend think the attack was unprovoked. There was no way she could explain how twisted that relationship had been or how she had been every bit to blame for her part in it.

"I must have fallen just as he fired, that's why he only nicked my shoulder," she explained.

It felt so strange, so surreal to be sitting here in old Kaede's hut and talking to Shippou. Having guessed that he was dead, she'd never been able to visualize him as an adult. The young man who watched with those bright eyes couldn't be the same baby fox she'd cuddled and snuggled with. It didn't seem real.

But it was and his eyes were warm with concern for her. "Let me see," Shippou said softly. "You need to take care of that wound."

She turned her back to him, feeling the slight flush of embarrassment as Shippou's strong hands moved to slide her robe off her shoulder. She winced as the crusted scab was broken, smelling the faint coppery scent of fresh blood.

"Is it bad?" she asked, anxious.

"No," he answered soothingly. "It's not bad, not deep. Just grazed you, I'd say." Shippou's fingers gently prodded the skin around the wound, making her tense as the injury called attention to itself. "I'll just clean this for you," he said at last. "Then we'll cover it so that it doesn't get infected."

She expected him to get a cloth and the water that was warming over the fire. Kagome had even had a moment or two of apprehension, wondering if there was anything in the river water that might not be good in an open wound. She was ashamed to admit it, but she'd forgotten more than she remembered of Kaede's teaching.

Now she wasn't sure if she'd pick the right medicinal herbs to treat her own injury or inadvertently poison herself in the process. She was mulling over that thought when she felt something warm touch her shoulder.

Kagome jerked away, twisting to look at him. "W...what are you doing?"

Shippou cocked his head to the side. "Cleaning the wound," he said as if it was obvious enough. "Turn back around so I can see it."

She stared at him. "You licked me!"

"Yeah, so?" Shippou didn't seem to understand why she was surprised. Then he grinned. "Come on, Kagome. Youkai saliva makes wounds heal faster on humans. You knew that, right?" Gently, he pulled her back and licked at the dried blood again. Kagome shuddered.

"I must have forgotten," she muttered, not really remembering that little fact. His tongue ran over her skin, pulling gently at the edges of the wound. His breath was warm on her neck as he leaned in close, she could feel his hair tickling her cheek. Somehow the intimacy of his touch made her want to shiver in response, his hands were too warm and strong on her arms.

"Doesn't it taste disgusting?" she whispered, closing her eyes against the strange sensation.

"What's disgusting about it?" Shippou asked in a conversational tone. He might have been discussing the weather and Kagome realized with relief that he certainly saw nothing unusual or overly intimate about what he was doing to her. "Blood is just blood, pretty much all tastes the same."

Finished with cleaning her, he eyed the tattered remains of her robe. It was torn in several places from her fall down the well, not to mention her frantic run to evade the serpent oni. Fingering the fabric thoughtfully, he offered a grin.

"I don't think we've got anything better to use for a bandage."

Sighing, she shrugged it off and handed it over. Shippou made quick work of tearing strips from the soft cloth for her bandages. Kagome sat patiently while he wrapped her shoulder and was glad to have help. It would have been awkward work for her to do alone.

"Thank you," she said shyly when he finished.

Shippou laughed loudly, almost startling her. His laugh hadn't changed, only the timbre of his voice. "When I think of all the times you took care of me, it seems like the least I could do. I remember all the bandages you wasted on me, knowing I'd heal from those scratches overnight. I was a real pest."

"I never thought of you that way," she said in a soft voice. "It was important to me to take care of you, you didn't have anyone else."

He just stared at her until Kagome realized she was blushing and turned away. "I'm just happy that you're still alive. I've never been able to forgive myself for leaving you."

"Kagome," he began, reaching for her hands.

She stood up and folded her arms around her belly, trying to hold in the fearsome pain of it. "I thought I got you killed, Shippou."

"Don't," he said roughly. She glanced down at him, surprised by the fierceness in his gaze. "Don't you blame yourself for what he did."

"I can't help it," she murmured, tears standing in her eyes.

The kitsune got to his feet with a fluid movement, taking her gently by her arms and looking down at her. His eyes were greener than she remembered, Kagome thought, and found it very unsettling that the tiny youkai child she'd known now towered over her with the confidence of a strong young man.

"Don't you understand?" he asked, his expression intense with sincerity. "You were good, you were always so good. You were what held us all together; you kept everyone going when we wanted to give up. It wasn't your fault what happened to Inuyasha and you didn't deserve what he did to you."

She hated herself for what she asked next, hated herself for wanting to know, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Do you know...is he still alive, Shippou?"

His hands fell away from her arms so slowly; he turned away and wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Yes."


	9. Nine

Possession 09

_**Present Day**_

"So what do you want to do?" Shippou asked.

Kagome looked up at him. "Hell if I know," she muttered. She stamped her feet again and then leaned her forehead against the wall in despair. It was no use. There was nothing else she could think of to do. She was so angry about it she was nearly in tears. Resolutely, she shook off the depression that wanted to overwhelm her.

"Do you want me to help you out of there?" Shippou said, looking anxious as he peered inside the well. He wasn't so sure it wouldn't open up suddenly, suck Kagome back to her world without warning. He couldn't count how many times he'd stood beside this well or inside it and wondered about what had happened to her. He'd hoped she was safe, he'd hoped she was happy.

She didn't look happy now, he decided and swung his legs over the side and dropped down beside her. "Come on," he said cheerily, trying to make her smile. "Just grab onto me and I'll jump out."

_Just like Inuyasha used to do_, she thought to herself as she wrapped her arms around the kitsune's strong shoulders. "Be careful," she admonished. "I swear, if you drop me..."

"I won't," he said happily and leaped into the air. Kagome had a heart stopping moment just before Shippou's claws caught the side of the well and hauled them out. "Nothing to it," he said with a wicked grin.

She tried to smile at him, she honestly did. Somehow she couldn't summon it, couldn't force it to her lips. The well wouldn't open; she was stuck in the Sengoku Jidai. Maybe for the rest of her life.

"Are you okay?" Shippou asked, concern coloring his voice. She glanced up at him, thinking again how strong and handsome he'd grown. His coppery hair was the color of sunset and his eyes looked especially green against his tanned skin. She was so glad that he'd managed to survive on his own.

"What am I going to do, Shippou?" she asked, trying to keep the despondence out of her tone. "I'm never going to get home."

"Don't say that," he chided gently, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. "The Kagome I knew never gave up so easily. There's got to be a way to make it take you back."

She didn't want to give up; she really didn't want to resign herself to a life in the past. What kind of place was there for her here? She missed the comforts of home already, the warm beds and soft sheets. Clothes that fit her perfectly. Her hair felt grimy and Kagome thought wistfully of the expensive shampoo that was waiting for her back at her mother's house.

Too bad she couldn't have packed a bag the way she used to. All she had left of her real life was the silk nightgown that she was wearing under her faded and ragged yukata.

Shippou had scrounged a pair of sandals for her at least. The soles of her feet had tiny cuts all over them from her headlong run through the forest. Her hands were scratched as well and she had skinned both of her knees when she'd flung herself to the ground to avoid that snake demon. Life was hard in this era; just the work of keeping herself alive was more than she wanted to think about.

_When did you become such a whiner,_ she scolded herself. Kagome forced herself to pull her shoulders straighter and bring her chin up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, even if you're stuck here for now, you will find a way home. There's got to be a way home.

And she wasn't alone. She had a friend, a good friend, to depend on. Shippou's smile lightened her heart and she grinned back at him as she tucked her hand in his.

His eyes twinkled merrily. "I don't know about you," he said slyly, "but I'm hungry. How about if I catch us some fish for dinner?"

Kagome squeezed his hand gratefully. "What would I do without you?" She saw his blush and Shippou ducked away from her as if she'd embarrassed him.

"Don't worry, Kagome," he said, not quite meeting her eyes. "I'm here for you now. There's nothing to be afraid of."

He gave her a quick boyish hug when they returned to the village and then bounded off towards the river. Kagome found herself grinning rather stupidly. He'd grown up so much, grown so confident. She remembered how timid he'd been when she'd first met him. Always pretending to be bold and brave, but such a scared little boy all the same.

Kagome sighed as she entered Kaede's hut and picked up a stick to stir the fire. Hopefully Shippou knew something about cooking, she couldn't remember the last time she'd had to prepare a real meal from scratch. And there wouldn't be much to work with either, just whatever Shippou brought back from the river.

She knelt next to the bucket of water that Shippou had brought her when they'd returned to the hut and carefully washed her hands and face. She stared into the water and watched her own reflection wavering back at her. Her face looked pale against the darkness of her hair, her eyes seemed to be dark and bottomless pits of sorrow.

"Snap out of it, girl," she told herself sternly. Now was no time to fall apart. She had to be practical, think about how she'd get herself out of this mess. Damn the well anyway, why did it open for her in the first place? She didn't have any jewel shards; there wasn't even a bloody jewel anymore. It had exploded, shimmered in the air like thousand tiny suns. She could still remember the way it had dazzled her, blinded her, just before it had turned him into a demon and destroyed every single dream she had.

And he was still out there somewhere. Shippou said he didn't know where he was now, but he hadn't been able to look her in the eye when he told her that. She knew what he was thinking. He didn't want Inuyasha to find out that she had returned.

Kagome shivered and rubbed her arms. What would Inuyasha do if he did find out that she had come back to this era? Would he hunt her down and kill her for leaving him? Or would it be much worse than that? Over the years, she had tormented herself with these questions, never dreaming that her fears would become reality.

Maybe his anger had dimmed with the passage of time. Perhaps he had even found someone else to take her place. It was irrational, but she felt the sudden burn of jealousy at the idea of Inuyasha happy and content with another woman, demon or human, while she had suffered from the trauma of having her heart torn out.

_Did he have children_, she wondered angrily, finding that she was grinding her teeth. The miscarriage had damn near killed her; in so many ways she really had died that day. The part of her that had struggled to remain Kagome after she'd escaped had finally disappeared, washed away as a crimson stain on the floor of a high school bathroom.

After that, she'd wrapped a shell around herself, a protective layer that let her forget about him enough to concentrate on her life. Kagome reminded herself that she'd already done the impossible. Defeated an evil monster, survived a lover that had become an even more horrifying demon. Survived the loss of her baby, not even having known that she was pregnant. Then driven herself with an almost fanatical determination towards her world's idea of success.

Surely even finding a way to open a portal through time couldn't be that much of a challenge?

oOo

"That was delicious," Kagome said, wiping the last bits of grilled fish from her chin.

He laughed at her. "It was nothing special," the kitsune grinned. "You were just extra hungry, that's why you think it tasted so good."

Kagome blinked at him, affecting an innocent look. "I don't remember you being so modest, Shippou."

That made him laugh again and he leaned over on his side, one fist propping his head up as he regarded her. "I told you, I'm not so much of a brat anymore. I had to learn to behave or get the snot beat out of me if I didn't."

"Who would do that?" she asked, curious. She watched him carefully, wanting to know how he'd grown up, who had taken care of him. "Shippou, what happened after I left? It was Inuyasha that destroyed the village, wasn't it?"

The kitsune's face grew dark, old anger coloring his cheeks. "Yeah, it was him. I didn't see it happen, Kagome. After he hit me, I think I must have been unconscious for a day or more. When I woke up, I could hardly move. Somehow, I managed to crawl out of the forest to the village, but it was gone."

"He killed them," she whispered, horrified.

Shippou shook his head. "Not all of them." The kitsune's voice grew soft with grief. "I think most of the villagers survived, I...I didn't find very many bodies. Only a couple of the men. They died with weapons in their hands so I think they tried to fight him. But none of the women or children were there and it looked like they'd grabbed whatever they could carry before they ran away."

He sighed and met her eyes, one hand reaching for her and settling on her knee. "Kaede-sama wasn't one of the bodies I found. I think she got away with the others."

Kagome felt almost weak with relief. Inuyasha might have destroyed the village, but he hadn't slaughtered the inhabitants. It was little enough to cling to, but she was grateful. And she felt a desperate sort of happiness that Kaede hadn't been killed. She'd felt sure Inuyasha would know who'd helped her seal the well and would have inflicted a terrible revenge on the kindly old woman.

"Anyway," Shippou continued, his voice light again. "I didn't try to follow them. I thought maybe a demon brat like me wouldn't be particularly welcome after what Inuyasha did to the village."

"Kaede wouldn't have turned you away," Kagome said quickly. The old priestess had been very fond of the young fox, doting on him whenever they stayed at the village. She couldn't see Kaede turning bitter and rejecting Shippou for what was not his fault.

"She might not have had a choice," Shippou said quietly. "In any case, I think I was better off without them. It wouldn't have been right for a bunch of humans to take care of a youkai like me. I was better off with my own kind."

Kagome stared at him. "Your own kind? You found other kitsune to live with?" That surprised her. Shippou had never indicated that he knew of other fox demons, how strange that when he was on his own that they would be the ones to take him in.

Shippou grinned at her, his eyes sparkling with humor. He was going to enjoy surprising her. "Not kitsune, Kagome. Wolves."

Her eyes grew wide. "Kouga," she breathed. "Kouga took care of you?"

He nodded. "He came looking for you, but it was me that he found. He was so angry when he found out about what Inuyasha had done, the way he'd turned into a full demon and attacked the villagers. I...I told him everything."

"After that, he went after Inuyasha. He said he wanted to kill him with his own hands. And he took me with him, said he didn't want to leave a runt like me alone to starve in the wilderness. Said you would want him to look after me until I was old enough to take care of myself."

Tears were springing to her eyes. "Oh Shippou," she said. "What happened after that? Did Kouga ever find him?"

The young fox demon looked thoughtful. "No. We looked for weeks, but he just vanished after he destroyed the village. There was no trail, no rumors. We went all over the countryside, asked everyone we could about him. For a long time, I thought he was dead. I wished for it to be so."

"You said he was still alive," Kagome reminded him.

"Do you want him to be alive?" Shippou asked almost wistfully. "He hurt you so badly, Kagome. He deserves to be dead for what he's done."

She flushed and couldn't look at him. "I'm not sure what I wanted," Kagome said in a low, shameful voice. "I learned to make myself hate him. It felt better, hating him for what he did."

She'd had to hate him; otherwise she couldn't live with herself. Everything he had ever done or said for her had been a lie. He'd used her to get to the jewel, made her think that he really cared about her and the others. She still couldn't believe how completely he had deceived her. That was, in fact, the most horrible thing of all.

Losing Sango and Miroku had been terrible, for years she'd still been wracked with grief stricken nightmares over their deaths. Thinking Shippou and Kaede dead for her sake had turned her inside out. But it was Inuyasha's betrayal that had devastated her heart. He had never loved her, never cared for her, seen her only as a means to his end, his goal of becoming full demon. That shook her to her core. How had she ever been so wrong about him?

And after that, in the ultimate betrayal of everything that she had held dear, she had still loved him anyway. She just couldn't stop, couldn't turn her heart away even when she'd seen him for what he truly was. What kind of worthless creature would still love such a monster? Would let him fuck her senseless night after night, would stay passive and weak while he abused her friends and threatened her family? While he violated her to her very core and destroyed everything inside of her that told her that she was good and worthy of love?

Something touched her face and Kagome opened her eyes. She was crying and hadn't even realized it until Shippou wiped away the tears. "Don't cry over him," he whispered. "Please Kagome, don't cry. Not for him."

She wasn't crying for Inuyasha. She was crying for herself and all the damage that had been done. It seemed like she'd never be whole again, everything she'd achieved for herself had been because of him. The ruthless way she'd pursued her career, how she had used her body like a tool, like she had no spirit to protect and nurture. It was all the means to an end. She was no different than Inuyasha in that respect.

She was still in shock or maybe it was just simple exhaustion, but Kagome fell asleep not long after supper. Quietly, so as not to wake her, Shippou laid down at her side and curled his body around hers, holding her much as she used to hold him when they'd snuggle together under he sleeping bag and count the stars.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

The village was a smoking ruin, but he detected very little scent of human blood amid the debris. Sesshomaru's lip curled with contempt. Filthy humans, living like animals in squalor and swimming in their own waste. But it wasn't humans that had destroyed this village, that much he could tell. This was the work of an angry, uncontrollable demon.

He'd heard the rumors whispered in the forest, the gossip that trees told each other in the night. Animals had deserted the surrounding area out of fear and he'd found enough remains of lower youkai and oni that even a demon lord with little respect for life wanted to cringe. Somewhat warily, Sesshomaru decided to follow the bloody trail of death to see where it led, see for himself the monster that was ravaging the countryside.

A pure youkai had little use for humans, but he forced himself to listen to their chatter as they passed him, unseen, as he ventured through the forest. The tales said that a bloodthirsty monster was on a rampage, slaughtering humans and demons alike with no cause and no provocation. The peasants were in fear for their lives.

Sesshomaru snorted to himself, disgusted with the wanton destruction. "So, little brother," he murmured aloud. "It has come to this."

His brother's altered scent filled the area; he might as well have left Sesshomaru a map to his location. The smell was...strange. Sesshomaru well remembered the scent of his brother's blood when he had briefly transformed into a full demon. At that time, Inuyasha had been mindless, craving only death and destruction, blood beneath his claws. From the remains of the village and the unlucky creatures that had crossed his path, Sesshomaru might have assumed such a transformation had occurred once again.

This was something different. Sesshomaru puzzled over the strangeness as he tracked his brother's scent across the fields. Before his scent had been full demon, pure youkai and it had been his brother's hanyou body that couldn't handle the strain of power. Imperfect hanyou were unable to control the demon blood that raged to life within them. They were helpless in the tides of instinct that ruled youkai, unable to control themselves and reduced to bestial behavior.

But this was not that scent, not that scent of a hanyou turned full demon and in the grip of his youkai blood. There was something corrupt about the smell, something horrifying. Like a slow seeping poison, like a cancerous growth. All his instincts were screaming at him to find the source of that scent and eradicate it from the earth. An abomination, a darkness that defiled the otherwise clean smell of pure youkai bloodline.

His bloodline.

Sesshomaru stopped, finding that his nose had led him to a cave that was nearly hidden by the long grass of the meadow. It chilled him somehow and Sesshomaru was not one to give in to childish fears or petty apprehension. Still, something about the aura that was clinging to the mouth of that cave made the hackles on the back of his neck rise and the demon lord found himself growling softly in the back of his throat.

Abomination. When had he scented such a thing before? It played at the back of his mind with a madding familiarity. It was definitely Inuyasha he detected, he recognized the scent even if there was no longer any trace of humanity about it. Had the half-breed found a way to permanently turn himself into a full demon?

Had he lost his mind?

Sesshomaru found himself frowning, a faint, vexed line appearing between his brows. Either way, mad or lucid, his brother was in that cave. Slowly, moving with a care and precision that was as much a part of him as his silver hair and poison claws, he drew Toukijin from his sash and prepared to enter the cave.

_**Present Day**_

She still dreamed about him sometimes.

It seemed unfair that even inside her own head she had to be conflicted. Nightmares were still the occasional bedmate, her waking to soaked sheets, perspiration making the hollow between her breasts feel sticky and clammy. Kagome refused to give in, refused to fight or struggle against them when they came. Instead, she'd become an expert at making herself forget about things. If she'd rather not dwell on it, then she didn't. What else was self-discipline for? She didn't have to suffer the darkness during her waking hours.

The other dreams were far more difficult to endure. Far more devastating overall. They were the dreams that she couldn't make herself forget. Couldn't because she didn't want to, couldn't force herself to give them up. And if they also made her sweat, made her wake up more tired than when she'd gone to sleep, then she'd spend the morning lashing out at herself in her own mind for being so weak as to want to keep him with her.

And she didn't fight those dreams either.

In the dreams, he was gentle with her. Tender almost, completely at odds with what he'd become. It was as if some tiny part of him came to the surface during the sex. Some haunted and twisted visage of the person she'd fallen in love with. Either that or her body betrayed her so ultimately that Kagome could no longer tell what was real.

It was sheer manipulation, utter denial. It was violation right down to her soul and twice as painful because she was a willing participant in her own destruction. She became the wanton, she handed him over everything that she should have kept for herself.

Soft lips touched hers, brushing against the skin like a delicate whisper. The last fragile token from an already banished heart. She'd inhale; taste his spice, licking her lips for the last hint of sweet control. And he'd kiss her again, still soft, still wistful, this time the tip of his tongue came searching for hers. Hesitant at first, cautious of the flame, it intruded and invited at the same time. Unconsciously or wantonly, her jaw dropped open, beckoning to him with a whisper soft siren's call.

And he tasted her, growing bolder as she accepted him. His mouth suckling gently at her own, the hint of fangs behind the lips that seemed too soft, too full to belong to a wild creature. She searched and hinted and gave herself away to his kiss. That was why she stayed, that was why she left so much of herself behind. Because without this she became incomplete, some necessary bearing lost. Kagome cast herself wide in the winds of her loss.

Her hands came up and cupped his face, her eyes so tightly closed as his hair slide between her fingers. She felt him answer her, timeless, age old answering. His fingertips traced her jaw line, ran the column of her neck. The slight prickle of his claws against the silky expanse of her skin, gently easing aside her clothing to find her breast. Her back arched to press her flesh against his palm, the exquisite sensation of a calloused thumb rubbing over the nipple.

Sometimes it felt so real, the way his mouth dragged down across her throat, kissing her, sucking the flesh against his lips and licking. Kagome cried out when the tip of her breast was pulled into his mouth by hot, eager lips. His tongue tasted her nipple relentlessly, bruising it in his urgency as his hands moved down her hips.

"Kagome," she heard her name whispered in reverent affection. How she'd longed to hear her name said that way. With love, with longing and need so heavy in his tone that she could almost slide underneath it, wrap it around her like a thick comforter. A voice like that could keep out the cold, drive away the darkness and she'd never have to feel alone again.

Only problem with it was...it wasn't Inuyasha's voice.

Kagome gasped and tried to sit up, shoving at him hard as she did so. Sudden fury replaced the desire that had been flooding her body and Kagome slapped him as hard as she could.

"What the hell are you doing, Shippou?"

The startled kitsune rubbed his face, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

She was breathing hard and it wasn't just from the shock. Kagome clutched her clothing to her body, pulling the oversized yukata around her like a barrier. She wasn't scared, not at all. Instead she was angry, she was furious with him. And underneath it all, she felt a sick pleasure about the way he'd been making her feel. If only it had been just a dream, she would have gladly surrendered.

But Kagome was no longer in the mood for surrender and she was no longer able to panic over her circumstances. She knew it was Shippou she was talking to, the lighthearted kitsune boy held a special place in her heart. She had loved him, worried for him, grieved over him and tormented herself over the possibility that she had caused his death. He had always been the most loyal of her friends, defending her selflessly and vocally, never backing down. She knew she could count on Shippou.

And she wanted to count on him now, which meant that she had to stop thinking of him as the adorable fox-child that had stolen her heart with the very first smile. She couldn't think of him as surrogate brother or adopted child any longer. She was dealing with a grown demon male now and one thing Kagome understood now was how males had to be dealt with. If she wasn't planning on seducing them, she had to take control.

"Explain yourself," she snapped, harsh and biting.

Shippou's eyes widened and she reflected that he'd probably never heard her use quite that voice. He'd seen her angry before, but not when she could put venom into her words, steel behind her tone. This was a Kagome he'd never met before.

He took a deep breath, his cheeks slowly darkening with embarrassment. The dying fire cast shadows and sparks in the air, bits of ash floating in the air between them like the last remnants of a dying wish. Her heart was still pounding in her chest; she knew he could hear it. Knew he'd hear it just as he'd been able to smell her momentary arousal. Kagome wondered what he'd thought. Had he known she was only dreaming or had Shippou mistaken for a moment that she'd been responding to him as a lover? She watched the deep green of his eyes for answers and wondered about it herself.

She sat and waited for his answer, seeing the young man's struggle with his words. Finally, Shippou raised his head and met her gaze directly.

"I love you."

She had to steel her heart now because she loved him too. Kagome bit back the caustic and cruel reply that wanted to flow from her lips. How many times had a man laid those words at her feet like an offering? And how many times had she flung them back in his face when she was done with him? Kagome thought it was ironic that she'd rejected those words so many times, passed them off as inconsequential or useless to her purposes. Love was game, a cruel and deceptive game sometimes, but one she played as a master.

She wasn't playing now and this wasn't something she could disregard. The young man in front of her was Shippou, not some careless lover or toy to be flung aside as something she had used and broken. It was Shippou, her Shippou, for all his child's face had sculpted into a young man's raw edged features. The eyes that had once been so full of mischief were dark now; the small hands that had clutched so trustingly in her arms were now a demon's claws. She had to be gentle, she had to be firm. It wasn't easy.

Kagome made her face relax into an expression less threatening and softened her gaze. "I love you too, Shippou," she began.

His eyes lit up again. "Then you'll be my mate?" he asked.

Kagome blinked. "Your what?"

Shippou edged closer to her, anxious to show his sincerity. "I mean it," he told her. "I want you to be my mate. I promise to take care of you always, protect you from anyone who tries to hurt you. I'm not a little kid anymore, Kagome. And I've always loved you."

This was not happening. Kagome held back a groan of despair and rested her head in her hands. "Shippou, I can't be your mate."

There it was, he looked crushed. Kagome wanted to kick herself for having to hurt him but the alternative was to agree to his...proposal. Her lips curved in a slight smile anyway, wondering what her mother would say if she managed to return home with a new kitsune husband in tow.

"Why not?" he asked, confused. The confusion was her fault; Kagome was willing to accept that guilt. As an adult now, he couldn't understand that she could only see him as the child she had loved. How to explain that her feelings hadn't changed, but that she couldn't see him as a husband or lover or whatever he wanted to be. Kagome had given up on trying to make herself what others wanted. She'd given up the idea of submission a long time ago when she'd thrown herself into the well for what she thought was the last time.

She'd never go back to being that weak person, the one who let her body be used and her soul be torn away because she wasn't strong enough to defend it.

Sighing, she moved closer and took his hands in hers. "I love you as much as I always have," she said simply. "But I can't be that for you. It's not only that I can't look at you and not see the little child that you used to be, it's that I don't love you the way a woman loves a man she wants to be her mate."

"I don't understand," he said, squeezing her hands tightly. "I swear I'll protect you Kagome. I'll never let anyone hurt you or scare you. I can..."

"No," she said, sharper than she intended.

Shippou scowled and pulled his hands from hers. "It's because of Inuyasha, isn't it?" he said. His voice was accusing, and she knew there was more to that statement than just the topic under discussion.

"Yes," she admitted. Ten years later and he was still between them. The ghost of the love she'd felt for Inuyasha was still very much a part of them both. Everything in Shippou's eyes brought that to surface. The good memories and the horrible ones. The way they'd all defended each other, would have died for each other.

Miroku and Sango did die, Shippou's look told her. They died and you left me alone, even before you escaped from the demon their Inuyasha had become.

"You still love him."

Kagome shook her head. "No, Shippou, that's not what this is about."

"Yes it is!" Shippou jumped to his feet and paced around the small hut. Kagome suddenly felt very vulnerable, not afraid of Shippou, but vulnerable before him just the same. This was someone who knew exactly what she'd done, how she'd completely lost herself and barely been able to claw her way back to sanity. He'd almost died to give her the chance to recover herself, to go home to her family.

And what how had she repaid that sacrifice? She rejected him, implicitly choosing Inuyasha over him once again. Kagome dropped her eyes to the floor. She couldn't blame him for being angry with her. As much as he knew Inuyasha had kept her with him by force, there were a lot of things he hadn't forced from her. Her face flushed when she thought about what Shippou must have overheard in the nights in that forest, not to mention what he'd probably seen. The kitsune had never abandoned her, not even when she'd abandoned herself.

"Shippou," she said softly, a pleading note creeping into her voice. "I know I hurt you..."

"You were his whore."

She flinched, hearing Shippou's voice articulate her own guilt hurt more than she'd thought it would. Then a sudden anger filled Kagome, a righteous fury. Hadn't she also suffered? Hadn't he threatened her family, her life to force her to stay at his side? Never mind that she gave him everything he wanted, he still held that threat over her.

Shippou was also part of her capitulation. The demon Inuyasha had become had made it plain he wasn't above using her love of the kitsune child and old Kaede as a lever. He'd promised it to her, not in so many words but in actions she couldn't mistake. Shippou had no right, no right at all to make judgments over her.

Yes, she was a whore and worse, but it was still her right alone to decide in her own corruption.

"I see," she said coldly. "I was his whore and now you want me to be yours. Is that it? Are you still competing with him, even so many years later, you still think that I'm just something for you bastards to fight over and claim like a fucking prize?"

Kagome got to her feet, backing the startled kitsune against the wall. Angrily, she ripped the yukata off her shoulders and stood before him in her silk nightgown, letting the firelight outline her body as she slowly turned to display herself.

"Is this what you want, Shippou?" she demanded, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Will that settle the score? Go on then, demon. Take what you want. I'm just a human woman; I can't fight you. I can barely defend myself as it is."

He was shaking, his eyes wide as she confronted him. She should have stopped then, she'd made her point. But the anger was too strong, the hurt and betrayal too raw. Even ten years later it was still too raw. Slowly, Kagome reached for him, her hands running caressingly over his tanned arms until she found his wrists. She raised his hands to her breasts and squeezed them, making his claws dig into her soft flesh.

"You want to be Inuyasha?" she asked, her voice soft and heavy. "You want to be a strong demon too, is that it Shippou? I'm just a whore, remember? It doesn't matter that I don't want you; you're strong enough to take what you want from me. If you think I owe this to you, then take whatever you think you deserve!"

"No!" he shouted, tears in his eyes. "I'm not like him!"

Shippou tore his hands away from her and sank to the floor at her feet. He turned his face up to meet her eyes, his expression so raw and wounded that her heart wanted to break at the sight of it. This was the damage that had been done, this was what happened when she wasn't strong, didn't make the right decisions, let her heart rule her mind. This was the aftermath of Inuyasha's destruction; this was the raw and painful scar that was left behind.

She dropped to her knees and reached for him, taking his face gently in her palms. "I know you're not like him," she said brokenly, holding back the sobs that wanted to pour from her.

"Do you understand now? Please don't hate me, Shippou. I hate myself enough for what happened. I just wasn't strong enough to fight him, protect you the way I should have. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I didn't mean to call you that," he whispered. "I should be asking you to forgive me."

Regret was plain in his face, his eyes. Slowly, he reached out and embraced her and there was nothing more than love and acceptance in his touch. "I just want to take care of you. Like you used to do for me."

"I can take care of myself," she said, hugging him tightly. "I need your help, but that doesn't make me helpless."

Shippou started to laugh and it made her smile as it always had. "You've always been stronger than all of us," he said, his grin infectious and irresistible. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course," she answered, burying her face in his hair.


	10. Ten

Possession 10

_**Present Day**_

Her eyes opened slowly and she woke to take in the gloomy interior of a battered, neglected shack that used to be the home of a friend. Something had stirred her; she sensed it in the air. Kagome lay perfectly still, barely even breathing. From across the hut, she heard Shippou's deep and measured snores. The red haired kitsune was curled on his side a few feet from her, between her and the door in an unconscious protective instinct to be between her and danger.

Kagome stared at his back, one hand still quiet beneath her cheek. She estimated that it was just before dawn; outside she could hear a few birds chirping sleepily at each other. One of Shippou's arms was behind him, the palm open and fingers slightly curled. The sharp claws at the end of his fingers reminded her of something but she pushed the memories back with the same determination that had served her for so long in the places where she had no hope.

Her hips and ribs ached from sleeping on the hard floor of the hut. She was used to beds, damn it. She had forgotten how much she hated sleeping on the floor, on the cold ground outside. When she was fifteen it was an adventure, now more than ten years later, it was no longer fun and exciting. It was uncomfortable and made her feel like she had grown old in the span of a few years time.

She sat up, feeling it again, a presence that woke her senses. It wasn't at all like the jewel, but it was absolutely demonic in essence. Kagome contemplated for a moment that even if the well had closed on her, it seemed her priestess abilities were returning. That was youki she could feel, like a cold touch on the back of her neck, like a sharp claw between her breasts. She knew the feel of it.

"Shippou," she hissed. "Wake up, something's coming."

He was awake in an instant, already on his feet and headed for the door before she could say another word. "Stay here," Shippou ordered. "Don't make a sound until I say it's okay."

Kagome sat quite still; her faded yukata wrapped around her and tried to quiet the pounding of her heart. The essence of a demonic aura still hung in the air, growing steadily stronger. She concentrated, trying to feel the nature of it, the identity. A strong demon, yes, but she sensed no malice. If it knew they were here, it was not coming for destruction. This was like a ghost, like a whisper, it was moving fast and she threw herself flat on the floor and covered her head.

It was overwhelming. Power and great sadness, extreme grief. It was youki and yet it was not, it was demonic and yet it was not. All Kagome wanted to do was bury her face in her arms and -grieve- for whatever it was. So much aching pain it left her breathless and she was devastated without knowing why.

Shippou stepped back into the hut, his face pale. A bit of light was starting to creep over the horizon; the sky was several shades brighter. Kagome didn't realize that she had tears pouring down her face and drew in a quick breath of surprise when she realized that Shippou was crying too.

"What the hell was that?" she whispered.

The kitsune shook his head. "I don't know, I've never felt anything like it." He sank to his knees and leaned against the wall. "I feel like everything horrible that's ever happened to me in my life just happened all over again."

Kagome shivered, her body was cold in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature in the hut. The bitter tang of sadness hung in the air, covering them with a murky blanket of despair. "I thought I sensed a demon," she murmured.

"It wasn't a demon," Shippou answered. "Unless it was a demon's ghost."

"I don't believe in ghosts," Kagome snapped, getting to her feet. She rubbed her arms to dispel the chill that had invaded her soul. This was no time to panic and no time to get soft.

She brushed past Shippou and headed out the door. The sun had just appeared over the treetops and bathed the abandoned village with warmth. Kagome felt better almost instantly, turning her face to the sun. She spread her arms wide, embracing the light like a little girl and reminded herself who she was.

She was Kagome Higurashi and she had survived what should have killed her. Compared to that, this was nothing.

She felt Shippou walk up behind her and his hands rested on her shoulders. "Why do you look so happy?" he wanted to know.

Kagome looked at him. The morning sun was blazing through his hair and making it so bright that his face was in shadow. The despairing feeling that had overwhelmed them both had lifted and she offered him a small smile.

"I was just thinking that I can beat this," she said seriously. "I'm going to find a way home, Shippou."

His eyes lit up in pleasure. "That's the Kagome I know," he said, almost joyfully. "I knew you couldn't have changed that much."

She regarded him soberly. It would have been easier just agree with his sentiment, but Kagome knew better. If nothing else, she knew herself now. She was no innocent anymore, no schoolgirl who was bent on saving everyone. She'd already learned that life doesn't give you second chances and you had to be ready to take your opportunities when they came. It wasn't her old cheerful, positive outlook that defined her anymore.

It was self-preservation. It was a burning will to survive, to succeed, and to not ever let herself be made into nothing again. But Shippou didn't know that, Kagome thought with a bitterness that edged into her heart like a slim stiletto blade. Shippou thought he was with the old Kagome, the one who saw so much good in everyone that she'd never think to look for darkness within herself.

In a way, she had Inuyasha to thank for her confidence, her tenacity. If he hadn't stolen her innocence, so many years ago, it was possible that she'd still be the same happy, optimistic, loving person that she had been the first time she fell into that cursed well.

Kagome put her hand over Shippou's and looked right into those startlingly green eyes. "I'm sorry, Shippou," and her voice held real regret. "I'm not the Kagome you knew, not any more than you're the child that I knew. I have changed. And when I say that, I don't just mean that I've grown older. I had to change or it would have killed me."

"What would have killed you?" Shippou was every bit as serious as she was; his gaze grew dark even as the sunshine lit his hair. Now she could see it, the innocent boy deep inside this young demon. The part of him that had played tricks and pranks wasn't dead; she had just been distracted by his grown appearance. Her heart twisted inside her when she remembered what they'd said to each other in the dead of night.

_You were his whore._

_And now you want me to be yours?_

"Everything," she answered, suddenly angry again. "I couldn't have lived with what happened to me, what...what happened to him. Don't you understand, Shippou? Didn't you have to be tough and take care of yourself?"

"Well, yeah," he said dubiously, not understanding what she was getting at.

Kagome nodded firmly. "So did I."

The kitsune snorted. "Kagome, you said there weren't demons in your world."

She smiled at his innocent comment. Didn't Shippou realize that she carried her own demons everywhere she went?

"Anyway," he said, glancing at the morning sky again with apprehension. "We can't stay here. This territory really isn't safe, you know."

Kagome frowned at him. "What do you mean, not safe?"

_**Ten Years Ago**_

As he entered the cave, Sesshomaru detected the scent of old evil and death. His nose twitched slightly, irritating him with such an obvious reaction. He had smelled death many times; even more often he had dealt it with his own hand. Today would be nothing different.

Still, being a fastidious demon, he despised the reek. Whatever had made this hole its home wasn't clean; he could smell the rotting blood. Does he actually drag carcasses in here, he wondered, disgusted by the idea. No, it wasn't the scent of bloated, unburied bodies that he identified. Just old blood, filth, and hatred.

The interior of the narrow cave was dark; its entrance was nearly hidden by long, waving grasses. He had to stoop a bit to get inside, finding that the cave sloped downward. He sensed evil, sour and clinging like spoiled milk. It hung in the air almost like a miasma, the taint of dead or dying dreams. It was beyond him why Inuyasha would choose such a lowly place to make his home.

_Have you become an animal, little brother_, he asked Inuyasha silently in his mind. _Have you made this cave your den, venturing out only at night to murder? Do you hide the sight of your face from those miserable mortals that you used to protect? Do humans run in fear of you and whisper your name in dread?_

Sesshomaru didn't give a damn what his brother had been doing, it didn't make any difference to his purposes. He was here to put an end to it. An end to a long, sad and pathetic story. One that hadn't ended well for anyone. If the half-breed were truly, irrevocably, lost to his youkai blood, wouldn't it be appropriate for his pure demon brother to put an end to the shame of being born with such imperfectly weak flesh?

Such was the youkai ideal of mercy.

"You may not be able to live as a youkai, little brother," he whispered to the darkness. "But I will see that you die as one."

The attack came out of nowhere, so fast, so dark that even Sesshomaru was taken by surprise and barely managed to turn aside the assault. He felt the tiniest bit of pain and looked down at his chest in astonishment.

Just above his spiked armor, four long gashes had been torn in his clothing. The faintest of welts were raised on the perfect, pale surface of his skin. From the topmost scratch, a single drop of blood like a ruby glimmered before slipping down to disappear beneath the silk.

He almost took me, Sesshomaru realized. Insufferable.

He felt the faintest shift of the air behind him and whirled around, countering without looking and felt Toukijin blade ring as it connected with something. Four gashes of light appeared in the darkness, glowing claw marks, youki that flared brightly before fading away.

Sesshomaru knew that his eyesight was excellent, even in full darkness he could see quite well. The cave was dim, but not completely dark, light still shone from its entrance. But his sight could not penetrate the darkness at the back of the cave. It was thick and cloying, a poisonous presence.

Grimly, the demon lord realized that his dear little brother was using that blackness to disguise himself. Unseen, he could attack at will, while Sesshomaru could only counter and defend himself. Intolerable.

He didn't hesitate a moment more, sweeping his katana through the air and splitting the darkness with a brilliant flash of power. The youki hung in the air, breaking apart the unnatural darkness that had cloaked his opponent. Sesshomaru held the sword high, waiting. Would he attack once he realized his advantage had been destroyed? Or would he merely slink away like a cur?

"Show yourself," Sesshomaru hissed.

The darkness melted away, revealing a figure that was crouched at the back of the cave. Filthy, matted white hair covered his face; the red robes were shredded and dark with bloodstains. He stood slowly, staggering against the cave wall as if he were too weak to make himself move. Then Inuyasha raised his face and looked at his brother.

Sesshomaru was quite frankly shocked. Gouges and claw marks covered his brother's hands and arms, the exposed flesh of his neck and face. His eyes were blank, glassy and Sesshomaru could feel the heat radiating off Inuyasha's fevered body. He was sweating profusely, filling the air with a diseased reek. Blood caked his fingertips, dark stained claws, and Sesshomaru realized with revulsion that it was his brother's own blood.

"What have you done to yourself?" the youkai lord whispered.

Inuyasha coughed suddenly, spasming in pain and leaned heavily against the wall. Sesshomaru watched, fascinated, as blood began to trickle from his brother's mouth. Was he ill? Had he been attacked, poisoned perhaps? Could that account for the strangely twisted aura, a degraded _youki_? This didn't make sense.

"Go away."

The voice was hardly more than a rasping whisper, pained and ragged. It sounded nothing like his brother's voice and Sesshomaru grew more perplexed. Still, it annoyed him to be told to leave, as if he'd obey the command of any living creature.

"Whelp," he said softly. "Do not presume to order me."

The glassy yellow eyes met his again; there was nothing behind them, not anger, not hatred. Not even recognition, he realized. His brother seemed to be looking right through him. Sesshomaru fought the urge to look behind him, find what Inuyasha was staring at but he was too well disciplined to simply turn his back.

The diseased hanyou turned full demon swayed on his feet. "I don't know you," he murmured. "But if you don't want me to kill you, you'd better leave now."

Threats? From something in that condition? Sesshomaru's lip curled with contempt. "You are mistaken," he said coldly. The gall. "It is I who have come to slay you."

Inuyasha doubled over, snarling as he clutched his arms to his stomach. He was seemingly in agony, making no move to attack. "I can't control it," he gasped out, falling to his knees. His entire body was shuddering, quaking; he was tearing himself apart from the inside out. Legs kicked helplessly as he fell over on his side, claws digging into the stone floor of the cave, whimpering like a frightened puppy.

Appalled, Sesshomaru withdrew. There would be no honor in fighting his brother in such a condition; it was disgusting to even contemplate. Whatever had happened to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru wanted no part of it. He had heard the rumors that his brother had defeated Naraku, presumably taken possession of the sacred jewel. Was that what was to blame for his downfall?

He turned to leave. Let Inuyasha deal with his misguided transformation, let him reap the rewards of turning to a cursed jewel of power.

He felt the air move around him before he even heard the snarl. Sesshomaru spun around, deflecting his brother's attack even as he leapt into the air. Toukijin blade shone like a dying star and Inuyasha was thrown back against the wall of the cave with a blast of pure youki power. Angry now, Sesshomaru raised the blade for a killing stroke.

"You dare attack me like a coward?" he hissed, his eyes shimmering with red fury.

Inuyasha bared his teeth, his ravaged face unafraid and defenseless. He made no move to get up or try to repel his brother's attack, lying crumpled against the wall.

"Kill me."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in suspicion, expecting a trick. "Gladly," he said in a mocking tone. "I didn't expect you to beg for your life, but I never thought you'd just lie down to die either, Inuyasha. Our father would be ashamed."

Inuyasha's head fell forward where he knelt, hiding his expression from his angry brother. Sesshomaru smiled grimly. He should have taken care of this affront to his bloodline years ago. He told himself he'd never felt compassion for the miserable half-breed, only that he hadn't been worth killing. Now Sesshomaru felt no such restrictions, he was glad to be the one to put an end to the obstinate bastard.

He raised his blade, preparing to take his brother's life in one clean stroke, one magnificent blow. It would be easy, Inuyasha wasn't even going to try to resist. Perhaps he was aware somewhat, of how he'd failed, how even a cursed jewel didn't make him his brother's equal. Maybe he'd finally admitted to himself what Sesshomaru had always told him was the truth.

They would never be equals.

They would never be brothers.

It would have been better if he'd never even been born.

The blade split the air, slicing through the darkness like a fatal comet, a portent of pure death and destruction. It was finally...over.

"I'm sorry."

The blade stopped just inches from Inuyasha's throat. Sesshomaru had frozen in mid strike, the tip of Toukijin quivering, alive with desire for Inuyasha's blood. It had a mind of its own, this vicious blade, and it hated to be stopped when it was ready to drink of death and lick at the flesh of another victim.

"What did you say?" Sesshomaru asked. He was sure his ears were playing tricks on him now. His brother's voice had become familiar again, not the aching and tortured croak of a dying demon, but the plea of a grief stricken young hanyou.

Inuyasha lifted his chin and stared at a point in the air just to the left of the blade that had nearly severed his throat. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, his eyes even darker and more glazed. "I never meant to hurt you, Kagome. Please don't leave me."

Kagome? Sesshomaru looked on in utter surprise as Inuyasha stared blankly into space. Was he apologizing to the priestess, the human girl that had been traveling with him for so long? What did she have to do with it? He had assumed that the girl was dead, perhaps even at Inuyasha's hands. What his brother had become would be incapable of discerning friend or foe, victim or ally. It was likely that he had slaughtered all his former companions when he used the jewel and it broke his mind.

Inuyasha reached out, his hand shaking, trying to touch a girl that wasn't there. "It's all my fault," he husked, tears sliding slowly down his face. "Sango, Miroku, please forgive me." Then he fell forward again, his skull hitting the ground hard with a sharp crack. His body went utterly limp and again Sesshomaru was denied the chance to kill a worthy foe.

It was clear that his brother was mad, delirious maybe with the fever that seemed to be wracking his body. Inuyasha didn't know him, didn't even know himself, hallucinating that he was speaking to humans that weren't even there. The scent of death filled the small cave again and Sesshomaru looked away from his brother in annoyance.

It seemed the only merciful thing to do was to kill his brother, to never let him wake from whatever peace he might be granted in unconsciousness. Still, he despised the idea of killing a helpless Inuyasha. It was obvious that his brother was dying of whatever had infected him, grown like a cancer upon his soul perhaps, a sickness that corrupted his heart and destroyed his mind. It would be an act of mercy to kill him now, end his suffering with one clean stroke.

But Sesshomaru wasn't feeling particularly merciful. He wanted to the truth, how his brother had been brought to this lowly state. What had happened to cause such a transformation and what had devoured Inuyasha's mind, leaving behind an agonized and insane wretch that was only capable of indiscriminate slaughter?

Smiling his small, grim smile once again, Sesshomaru slid Toukijin back into his sash.

Then he drew his second sword.

_**Present Day**_

They'd been traveling for a little over a week and Kagome was so tired that she wanted to burst into tears every time she sat down. Shippou had insisted that the territory of Kaede's village wasn't safe and having no other choice, she'd agreed to follow him to Kouga's territory. She was tired and she was cranky and knew that she wasn't the most pleasant traveling companion.

God, had she ever felt so miserable in her life? Yes. Kagome was honest about that, she knew she'd felt worse in her life and resolved to try and bear it. Right now she'd kill for a couple ibuprofen tablets and a hot cup of coffee. Even shitty gas station coffee.

She'd also kill an unspecified person or two for dry clothes. It had rained almost every single day since they'd set out and Kagome knew one thing for sure. If she hated living in the rough and trying to camp in a forest full of unknown threats and dangers, she hated it twice as much when it was raining. Usually by the time they had found some kind of makeshift shelter, she was already drenched to the skin.

_No luxuries like umbrellas here_, she thought sourly and sat down to twist some water out of her yukata.

"Are you okay?" Shippou looked concerned, this was the third time today that she'd had to stop. Her legs were aching and nothing seemed to warm the chill from her bones. Kagome nodded, absently patted his hand.

"I'm okay, I just need to rest. I'm not used to living like this."

Shippou sat down next to her and put a warm arm around her shoulders. For a moment, she allowed it, leaning into him and sighing. Then, when his arm tightened a bit, his hand rubbed her upper arm, she gently pulled away. He didn't say anything, embarrassed and awkward now when he touched her. It was possible that he'd just meant to offer her comfort and nothing more.

Kagome didn't want to take that chance. For all they'd talked it out that night, put the issue to rest as it were, she still felt him watching her. When she'd stripped off her yukata the night before, making an attempt to hang it to dry in the abandoned hut they'd found to shelter in that evening, she'd glanced over at him and seen that look again.

_Desire_…

Of course, he was an obviously healthy young male and her silk nightgown, wet and torn by now, clung to her body. She saw his eyes linger on her breasts before they tore themselves away. It didn't make her feel any more comfortable. She just couldn't stand it, couldn't deal with him looking at her like that. She knew Shippou, he'd never try to hurt her or anything like that, and she'd already proved that she was in control as far as any ridiculous ideas about mating went.

But right now, she couldn't stomach seeing that look in his eyes. It reminded her of the look in every other man's eyes and once she'd reveled in that power. Their desire translated into her power. She didn't want that, did not want it from Shippou. It tore at her; it ripped apart the good memories she had of being with him. She wanted to remember the sweet kitsune boy who had looked at her with trust and love.

She couldn't stand seeing herself reflected in those green eyes when she knew he desired her.

The sky cracked again and the downpour began in earnest, as if there was any part of Kagome's body the earlier drenching could have missed. _Damn you_, she thought, looking up at the sky. _Isn't this hard enough? Haven't I suffered enough? What do you fucking want from me anyway?_

"Come on," Shippou said, tugging at her arm. "I know this area, there's an old temple not far from here. We can be there in just a few minutes."

"All right," she said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It was better than sitting in the rain and railing at the gods. Maybe she could even pretend that once she'd been a priestess, sort of, and make some attempt at praying for help. Kagome had abandoned her interest in anything remotely spiritual a long time ago. What good had it done anyone?

If she'd never been born with that cursed jewel in her body. If she'd never been dragged through the well. If she'd never pulled the arrow from his chest, or shattered the jewel with her own arrow, if she'd never tried to make things right. If she'd never fallen in love with a lying, deceitful...

Trying to walk quickly on the sopping wet trail, lost in her own dark thoughts, she stumbled over a branch and felt her weak ankle just give out. She fell hard into the mud, catching herself on her hands that were already scratched and filthy. On her knees in the mud, that's what she got for even thinking about praying.

"Kagome?" Shippou knelt next to her in the mud.

"I'm fine, Shippou," she snarled, not meaning to lash out at him but now her temper was at its boiling point. "I'm not hurt, damn it. I just slipped."

If that was true, why hadn't she gotten up. The rain poured over her, making her hair a wet mess in her eyes, her fingers clenched in mud. _I hate this_, Kagome thought angrily. _I fucking hate this, I want to go home. This world isn't supposed to exist!_

"Are you sure you aren't hurt?" Shippou slipped his arm under hers and tried to help her to her feet. "If your ankle hurts I can carry you..."

"No!" She didn't mean to shout, she just meant to raise her voice enough to make him hear her over the sound of the rain. Stubbornly, she pulled her arm away from his and wobbled a bit. "I don't need to be carried."

"I'm strong," he said, misinterpreting her, reaching for her again. "Just get on my back."

"I said no!" She was shouting now and she didn't like the edge of hysteria her voice held. "You don't need to carry me, I can fucking walk, Shippou! Don't touch me!"

The hurt in his face and a twist of pain were lodged deep in her heart like the blade of a knife. He could see it, she was sure. He could see her distrust, her anger. This wasn't about them anymore. This was about something else altogether and she wasn't going to let him carry her, not like that. Not unless she was unconscious or dying. Kagome had resolved a long time ago that no one would ever carry her willingly again.

"I didn't mean it like that," Shippou said quietly, his face going stiff before her eyes. Her distrust was hurting him deeply, she was sure of it. She was sorry for it too, like she was always sorry about a lot of things.

"Shippou," she said, regret filling her for her sharp words.

"You can walk," he answered, turning away. His tail was a sodden lump, hanging weak and defeated despite the firm tone of his voice. "I forgot you don't need any help from me. I'm...sorry...if you thought I had some other reason for wanting to carry you."

Kagome groaned, covering her face with her hands. What a fucking mess.

_Nice work, Higurashi_, she chided herself. _Go ahead and alienate the only person in this godforsaken place that wants to help you. Treat Shippou like dirt because he's a man instead of a cute little fox-boy and you can't handle it. You're good at using people you know; you should let him carry you. Hell, you should just let him fuck you while you're at it_.

"I'm sorry!" she yelled at his back, sounding not so much sorry as pained. He turned and looked at her, his hair dark with rain and didn't smile. Slowly, she limped over to him and grabbed his arm with the firm grip that made colleagues pay attention and got them to take her seriously when she didn't want to be thought of as just eye candy.

"I really am sorry," she said quietly, knowing he could hear her though the downpour. "I know you just wanted to help and I'm a bitch. I don't mean to take it out on you. I'm just really tired and really wet and I want to go home."

His gaze softened at her words. "I know that," Shippou answered kindly. "I promise I won't leave you, Kagome. Please trust me."

Kagome closed her eyes and sighed. "I do, I swear I really do, it's just that..."

Shippou suddenly growled and shoved her hard on the ground in front of him. Gasping, Kagome rolled away from him, instinctively trying to protect herself. Shippou was looking around, an angry expression on his face and his nose twitching. She struggled to gain her feet, thinking to flee from him but he bounded over and shoved her down again.

"Stay here!"

Kagome stared up at him in shock as he suddenly leaped away into the brush, leaving her confused and covered in mud. What the hell?

She sat up, gingerly feeling for bruises and looking around her with frightened eyes. The forest was still but for the falling rain, the light wind that rustled the trees. Kagome could hear her own breathing sounding unnaturally loud against the stillness, sitting up to her hips in mud and water streaming off her nose. What happened? Why did Shippou run off? He just said he wouldn't leave her, why run away?

"Kagome!"

She dragged herself to her feet at the sound of Shippou's frantic yell, bolting for the cover of the thick brush as a monster burst out of the forest. It was huge and ugly, with a big round head and three bloodshot eyes that were all tracking her. Shippou shouted angrily and threw himself on top of it, digging in with his claws and trying to gouge out the monster's eyes.

Shit. Kagome tried to make herself small and inconspicuous, hiding against the trunk of a fallen tree as Shippou fought the beast. She felt useless, helpless. Kagome hated the feeling; it brought back all the memories of the times her friends had battled for their lives while she stood passive on the sidelines.

She was no priestess anymore; she didn't possess Miroku's spiritual strength or Sango's battle skills. She for damn sure wasn't a demon like Inuyasha had been, able to destroy beasts like this with his bare claws or a sweep of his sword.

She was fifteen again, frightened and running for her life. A twisted centipede demon was tracking her through the forest and she had naively tried to lead it away from the village. In retrospect, that had been a foolish act, brave but stupid. She should have stayed in the village even if the centipede bitch was hunting her. She should have let others skills in fighting for their lives take over that time.

No, instead like an idealistic fool she'd run off, convinced that someone somewhere would save her.

In her mind, she remembered it so clearly. Being crushed against him by the centipede's coils, feeling herself being constricted as she couldn't breathe, couldn't force air into her lungs. That's how she felt right now, breathless with fear, taut with inaction as she watched Shippou fighting alone for both of their lives.

_This arrow...can you get it out?_

She could almost feel her fist clenching around the shaft. Desperate, hopeless.

_Do you want to die here with me?_

"I do not want to die," she whispered. Kagome's hand went to the forest floor, searching for something, anything to use as a weapon. A rock, a boulder wouldn't be enough to take out that thing. Shippou was still fighting hard; he had one of the things ears in his teeth. She knew he couldn't use any of his kitsune defenses without giving up his hold. He needed help.

He needed a distraction.

Her fist clenched around a sturdy stick, conveniently pointed on one end where the wood had been broken. It would have to do. With a hysterical scream, she jumped to her feet and ran at the beast, her stick held high to stab. She only had one shot to go for the eyes, after that it would be all too easy for that thing to shake Shippou free and come after her. And she didn't like her chances if that happened.

"Kagome, don't!" the kitsune yelled as he saw her wild approach. Kagome didn't hear him; she was too concentrated on driving her arrow, her stick into the slavering face of the monster. She was so focused on making herself do this that she didn't realize that the tip of her makeshift spear was starting to glow.

Shippou yelped and dropped away from the monster when he saw the shining spear heading for the monster's head. Somehow, he didn't remember Kagome's aim being all that accurate and knew that he didn't want his own youkai hide anywhere near this thing if she was seriously going to try to purify it. He rolled to his feet gracefully when he hit the ground, his mouth open in shock as she attacked.

Kagome wasn't thinking of purification at the moment, she was thinking about killing the big ugly bastard. It's massive head swung back to her, now freed of a kitsune's frantic grasp and Kagome lunged gracelessly and stabbed the monster right through one of his bleary eyes. She felt her stick connect and give and screamed when her fist, still clenched around her spear, went right into the monster's eye all the way up to her elbow.

Dark, stinking blood fountained from the wound, covering her as she tried desperately to free her hand. The monster roared, swatting at her with its thick hands, every bit as anxious as Kagome to have her off his face.

"Kagome, let go of it!" Shippou shouted, trying to catch hold of the monster's arms and give her time to free herself.

"I can't," she wailed. Her hand was trapped in a gory mess of tissue and her legs swung wildly. If she'd ever had purification powers, she wished she had them right now. There was a time when her arrows would have blown something like this to nothing, leaving trails of light and dust in the air instead of a squalling furious brute.

"Please," she prayed, honest to God prayed. "Please help me!"

Her hand started to tingle, something was happening. The monster only screamed louder, finally grasping her around her legs and crushing her with his massive hand. She beat on his head with her free hand, sobbing in terror and chanting her prayer over and over again.

_Please!_

_If anyone can hear me, save me!_

White light suddenly poured from the wound, bathing both her and monster in an eerie glow. Kagome was entranced by it; she'd never felt such a powerful aura before, not even when she'd held the completed Shikon jewel in her hands. This was stronger than before; this was more than she'd ever been able to do. Was it her?

She couldn't see a thing, the light was blinding her, she could feel the monster weakening, and he was slowing down, letting blood rush back into her legs. He could still kill her, she realized from her dream like state. He might even tear her apart even as he died. She heard Shippou's voice, hysterical, but she couldn't make out what he was saying.

The light filled her, burst within her, everything she'd denied suddenly called to her, welcoming her, even in death, back to her home, her heart. The spiritual center that she had worked so hard to close away and seal, strip away from the person she wanted to be. Ironic that such a denied strength would flood back now, when she was most hopeless.

Some things could never be denied.

Some things were just fate.

She resigned herself to it that the monster was going to tear her apart even with her purification. That was fine, she could die now. She had felt it again, that purity, that light. She knew that her body was going to fail, but her spirit would remain, move on.

Maybe next time she'd get it right.

"Sankon Tetsusou!"

She was falling suddenly, her hand come free of the monster's skull as its body broke apart. Kagome's eyes were still full of white flames, spiritual aura crackling freely around her as she fell hard to the ground. She lay still in the mud, dazed and unable to move as blood splattered around her, mixing with the unrelenting rain and mud that covered her from head to toe.

"Kagome!"

Shippou was screaming her name. Couldn't he see she was fine? She was still alive, she just needed a moment. There were other voices roaring in her ears but Kagome paid them no mind, she often thought she heard things that didn't exist anymore. She closed her eyes. She just needed to rest and they would all go away.

Hard hands grabbed her by her shoulders and hauled her roughly to her feet. Kagome's head lolled back on her neck, unable to keep itself straight. She was so tired, so very tired. She felt as drained as if she'd swam across the ocean, it felt like that, her knees were so watery she could believe it. The rain splashed her face and someone shook her hard, insistently, determined that she not lapse back into dreams.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed, stupid?" a sarcastic voice asked. She heard a snort of disgust that sounded hauntingly familiar. "A weak human like you had no chance against a thing like that."

Really? How interesting. Kagome's eyelids fluttered up as she hung weakly in someone's arms, her palms automatically pressing against a firm chest until her feet felt secure on the ground and her knees declared they could hold her weight.

Blinking, she tried to focus on him, his face swimming out of focus. Until she caught the gold of his eyes, almost bright against the gloom of an overcast, rain soaked day. Behind him, she could see Shippou fighting, struggling against two strong looking men who were trying to hold him back. His eyes were nothing less than desperate, agonized as he again shouted her name.

"Kagome! Leave her alone, you bastard! Don't you fucking touch her!"

Time stopped. Her heart stopped. It had been broken long ago, used and tossed aside like a child's wind up toy. Still it had beat on, heedless of damage and despair, the fragile human soul that cried out in pain. Hearts are sometimes stupid like that, to keep beating after life is gone, love is destroyed. Foolish, but they do keep going.

And hers just skipped a beat.

The face so close to hers was from a nightmare, a beautiful long awaited fairy tale. Slowly, not knowing what came next and God help her, not caring either, she forced her lips to wrap around the syllables of his name, pronounce it, say it.

"Inuyasha?"

He stared at her, annoyance mixed with confusion in his eyes as he carefully released her when it seemed she might stand on her own. "Yeah," he said in a guarded tone.

"Do I know you?"


	11. Eleven

Possession 11

_**Present Day**_

"Do I know you?"

She felt like she'd been kicked in the gut.

Kagome stared at him, her mouth hanging slack and open. That he would dare pretend to have forgotten her took her breath away. For ten years she'd lived with what he'd done to her, his betrayal and systematic destruction of her heart. For all the times he'd treated her callously, laughed when he made her body betray her, threatened her life and the lives of those she'd cared about, nothing hurt as badly as the idea that he would have just forgotten her.

"You son of a bitch," she breathed.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed dangerously. He didn't know this human bitch; she was covered in filth and blood and staring at him as if he'd just ripped her heart out. Hell, he'd just saved her weak ass from being killed by that monster and she was looking at him like he was the nightmare. His brother was right; humans weren't worth the trouble.

"Don't thank me or anything," he snarled at last. "I could have just let that thing kill you, woman. Don't you humans have any idea of how to be grateful when you're rescued?"

"Get away from her, you bastard!"

One of the youkai holding Shippou back snarled and punched the kitsune in the gut. "Keep a civil tongue in your mouth, brat. That's the brother of the lord of the West you're talking to."

"Let him go," Kagome cried, furious that Shippou was being hurt for trying to defend her. She didn't know what sick game Inuyasha thought he was playing, but she wasn't going to fall for it. Or let Shippou be hurt because of her, not ever again.

"Shut up, wench," Inuyasha barked.

"Don't tell me to shut up, Inuyasha," she said, saying his name like a curse.

He glanced back down at her, his lip curled in contempt. She glared back at him without a trace of fear, her eyes sending sparks of fury into the air. Mouthy bitch, he decided. Humans had every reason to fear youkai, he could understand this. What he couldn't understand was why this one thought she knew him. Granted, his memory had been damaged, his brother was fond of telling him repeatedly that he would have died if he hadn't been healed by their father's sword.

"How do you know me?" he asked, keeping his voice even.

"How do I know you?" she hissed. "I'm Kagome, remember? I'm Kagome."

"That's a stupid name," he sneered lightly. She seemed damn proud of it too. Her name meant nothing to him, neither did her attitude. You'd think someone wearing muddy blood all over her body would be more polite to the ones who'd rescued her from a gruesome death. He sniffed the air thoughtfully.

"You stink too," he said, turning his back on her. He heard the woman gasp in anger and grinned to himself. That should put her in her place. He didn't have Sesshomaru's ability to insult someone just by looking at them, but not even humans liked being told they smelled bad.

"You, brat," he said, returning to business and walking over the young kitsune that hadn't stopped struggling even when Shiou punched him. "You're that kitsune rat of Kouga's, aren't you? You'd better have a good excuse for trespassing on my brother's lands."

Shippou glared at him. "This isn't part of your territory," he growled.

Inuyasha smiled unpleasantly. "It is if I say it is. My brother has been tolerant of that damn wolf, but even his patience is at an end. If you were just heading for home, then say so. I'll let you go when you apologize for running your mouth."

The kitsune straightened, holding his head up and looking the inuyoukai in the eye. "I will never apologize to you," he said softly. "Not for anything, not ever."

Shiou cuffed the young fox demon and laughed. "You want us to teach him some respect, Inuyasha-sama?"

"Waste of fucking time," Inuyasha muttered, running his hand over his head to where his hair was held back in a long topknot. "Kitsune are stupid by nature. This one's got a human for his woman, means he probably couldn't even get with a youkai female."

"I'm not his woman!" Kagome shouted. She darted forward and grabbed Inuyasha by his arm, noticing for the first time that she'd never seen him not wearing his red fire rat clothing. Instead he was wearing a dark colored yukata, with black leather and metal armor over it. The two men with him were dressed the same, although their clothing and armor wasn't of such a fine quality.

He didn't look like the hanyou she'd known or act like him. This Inuyasha carried himself with authority, seemed to be used to being spoken to with respect. So he'd changed, made up with Sesshomaru from the sounds of it. Maybe that was why he was pretending not to know her. He couldn't have forgotten her, she refused to believe it.

"You know who I am," she hissed at him. "Don't fucking lie to me, I've heard enough of your lies. I've spent the last ten years trying to forget your fucking face. Don't you pretend you don't know me."

"Are you crazy?" Inuyasha snapped, yanking his arm away from her. He didn't even want her touching him, not in her filthy and ragged state. From the line of her body, she might not be half bad looking when she was cleaned up, but he'd be damned if he was going to let some human run her mouth and accuse him of something he couldn't even remember.

"I'm Kagome!" she shouted, her fists clenched in fury. She wanted to hit him; she wanted to beat that smug look off his face. All the terror she'd felt over the years had poisoned her with hatred, he'd destroyed her life, nearly taken it. Murdered innocent people and fucked her while still covered in their blood.

"I said to shut your hole, bitch," he said angrily, raising his hand as if he wanted to strike her for her insolence. "I don't fucking know you!"

Shippou gave an inarticulate cry and broke away from the startled guards. "I'll kill you," he screamed. "Don't you touch her!"

Inuyasha spun around and met the furious kitsune's attack with a hard fist to Shippou's face. Actually he was holding back, he didn't have any intention of killing the rat, but he wasn't going to just stand there and let himself be assaulted either.

The kitsune dropped to the ground, stunned by the force of the blow and blood streaming from his nose. Kagome ran forward, shoving past Inuyasha to drop to her friend's side. "Shippou," she called, shaking his shoulders until he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Pathetic," Inuyasha muttered. This was exactly why he hated border patrol, he ran into far too much trash. Lower youkai and oni that just begged to be killed on his claws, humans that didn't have the sense to run away and attacked him with their little spears and arrows. He'd rather be back at the fortress among his own kind. His people hated outsiders and guarded their borders zealously. The scum that wanted to seep in had to be controlled.

The woman was still patting the fox's face, trying to make him come around. Maybe he'd hit the brat harder than he'd meant to. Damn it all.

"I don't have time for this shit," he pronounced in irritation. They were overdue for their return as it was. Sesshomaru wouldn't like that a fox rat and his human bitch held him up. His older brother might not be the warmest man, but he had expressed concern when Inuyasha was away for longer than necessary.

He said it was because Tenseiga's influence wasn't all-powerful. Push himself too long and Inuyasha would experience terrible headaches, fevers and nightmares. He felt one coming on now and the slightly queasy feeling that told him he'd been away from his brother for too long.

"Look," he said, turning to the pathetic couple on the ground. "I'm gonna be nice. I've got every right to kill you for trespassing and you both know it. The treaty they made says exactly where the borders are supposed to be and Kouga can't change shit just because he likes it or we won't be helping him defend his lands. Tell that damned wolf to keep his trash inside his own borders and I won't be mentioning this to my brother."

"Don't do me any favors," Shippou said heavily, blood still dripping down his face. He shrugged away Haru's hand when the guard tried to help him to his feet. "Kouga's not afraid of you or Sesshomaru. We look after our own and don't want your fucking protection. The wolf youkai tribe is strong enough to defend their own lands, we don't need you to pretend to be nice about letting us go."

"Stupid git," the inuyoukai snapped. Haru cracked his knuckles threateningly for Shippou's insolence, but Inuyasha waved him away. "Don't get your hands dirty, these two aren't even worth our time."

When he turned away from them dismissively, Kagome couldn't stand it. He was just going to leave as he never knew either of them. The bastard wouldn't even acknowledge her, didn't even claim to know Shippou. He spoke of Kouga as if he'd never flown into a jealous rage just because the wolf had touched her hands.

She stood up and planted herself in front of him. He looked annoyed.

"What?"

"I am Kagome," she said again, watching his face for the barest flicker of emotion. "I'm the one who pulled the arrow out your chest when you were sealed to the tree. I'm the one who fought at your side against Naraku. You know me."

He was baffled, confused. "I don't know who Naraku is," he said at last. Maybe she did know him, but she damn sure hadn't unsealed him from that tree. He'd remember that, he could still remember everything about how it had happened. How when he'd been a young and stupid hanyou he'd made the mistake of trusting in a priestess. How she'd betrayed him and then coldly murdered him by sealing him with a sacred arrow.

But it had been his older brother that had saved him. He didn't know how he'd broken the seal on his own or become a full demon, Sesshomaru couldn't answer that. But it had been his brother that had found him wandering delirious with fever and healed him of the madness that had threatened to destroy him utterly.

"I don't know you," he said flatly. He did not know this Kagome.

"You do know her, Inuyasha-sama," a quiet voice said from the forest.

Kagome's eyes were drawn to a delicate young woman that stepped from where she'd been hiding in the trees. She had dark hair pulled back neatly from her face and wore a short kimono, scandalously short in such times, and carried a long bow in her hands. A quiver of arrows was slung over her shoulder as well.

Inuyasha scowled. "Does Sesshomaru know that you left home?" he demanded. "I've told you to stop following me around, kid."

The girl stopped in front of her and gave her a sober look. "Are you really Kagome?" she asked quietly.

"I think I know my own name," she glowered back.

"Then you are the same priestess who fought to restore the sacred jewel."

"Of course," Kagome exploded. She glared at the young woman, noticing that an angry look had appeared in her dark eyes. "Who the hell are you?"

Maybe she should have been expecting it, maybe she should have been paying attention, but she was too angry, too lost at the unbelievable hurt of Inuyasha having forgotten her name. She didn't think he was lying now; she had started to believe that he wasn't playing a game. She had meant so little to him that he'd forgotten her; she was probably just another faceless victim to the demon he had become. Kagome still didn't expect what happened next.

The girl stepped forward, moving delicately as a young doe, and struck her hard across the face with the flat of her palm. Kagome staggered, but didn't fall as the young woman fisted her hands in Kagome's filthy yukata.

"What the hell..." she gasped out, raising one hand to her burning cheek.

"Then you're the same priestess that tried to kill him," the girl ground out, her eyes sparkling with hatred. "Go back to where you came from, he doesn't need you anymore!"

"Rin," Inuyasha snapped, reaching out to pull the girl away from Kagome. "I told you I don't know her. She's not a damn priestess, that was Kikyou who betrayed me. And she's not fucking Kikyou!"

Mention of the dead woman's name drove Kagome to forget about Rin's slap or the reasons behind it. He remembered Kikyou, but not her. He remembered the woman he had loved, but not her, not Kagome. Not the one who'd fought and cried over him, saved him and loved him with all of a young girl's open and trusting heart.

She had meant absolutely nothing to him.

Kagome felt numb, her body freezing to where she stood. She couldn't move hardly move from the power of the overwhelming pain and anger that was flooding her heart. As if the slap she'd received had never happened, she forced herself to approach him, staring solemnly into his golden eyes.

"You really don't remember me, do you, Inuyasha?"

"No," he sneered. "You finally believe me, bitch?"

Kagome swallowed, feeling remarkably calm and safe within the shell of anger that surrounded her. It surrounded her body like a sacred aura, made her invulnerable. This was how she'd forced herself to live after escaping him.

Her voice was very quiet. "I see. But you do remember Kikyou."

"Of course I remember Kikyou," he said hotly, looking away from her. "I was in love with her, but I don't know you at all."

She didn't plan it, she'd dreamed of it. On the nights where her very soul had shook in grief and fear, on the nights when the guilt had overwhelmed her and made her shudder. When she'd grown so disgusted that she couldn't look in a mirror, when she'd drunk herself unconscious to dull the pain. When she'd taken another faceless lover to make her body forget, she'd still dreamed of seeing him again, dreamed of reaching him with some idea of what he'd done to her.

She'd dreamed of what she'd say, what she'd do, how she'd tell him that she survived, that he didn't manage to break her forever. So many times she'd dreamed of spitting at him, cursing him, hating him to his face and letting him know that by God, she was free of him.

Now he'd stolen even that satisfaction from her by refusing to remember her face. But he still remembered that he had loved Kikyou.

As if it wasn't suicide, as if she'd planned it all along, Kagome smiled quietly. Then drew back her leg for momentum and kicked Inuyasha right in the balls. His eyes bugged from their sockets, both hands going automatically to cup his injured testicles even as he gasped and fell to his knees in agony.

"That's for remembering Kikyou," she hissed, a triumphant gleam in her eyes as a smile peeled back her lips. She'd dreamed of seeing him grovel in pain before her, it was worth almost getting killed by Scott and falling through a cursed well just to see him on his fucking knees.

She heard a curse and Shippou cried out a warning as Kagome turned away, barely catching a glimpse of Rin's enraged face before the girl brought her bow across Kagome's temple like a cudgel and sent her into cold unconsciousness.

_**Ten Years Ago**_

Sesshomaru stood looking down at his brother's fevered body with no expression. It mildly surprised him that Tenseiga hadn't managed to completely cure him. The young demon twisted restlessly in his sleep; sweat caking his hair to his face. And still Sesshomaru had no answers.

A soft noise drew his attention and he turned to look at the woman standing in the doorway. "May I enter, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Yes, Makiko." The woman moved quietly past him, kneeling at Inuyasha's side as she set the bowl of scented water on the floor. Carefully, she mopped the fevered face and wiped away the perspiration. Inuyasha moaned, turning away from her touch.

"Kagome," he muttered, not opening his eyes.

"Hush," the woman whispered. The herbs had a calming effect, quieting fevers in youkai. As the soothing scent reached him, Inuyasha stopped struggling against the nightmares and fell into a deep slumber. Makiko pressed her hand against his forehead before glancing up at her lord.

"He seems to be improving, my lord," she said softly. "His fever has dropped some since you first brought him here and he seems to rest easier."

"Indeed." Sesshomaru made no further comment but allowed Makiko to continue her ministrations and start to bathe his brother's body. He eyed the gouges and scars dispassionately. Even with a youkai's superior healing abilities, he estimated it would take much time for those marks to fade. It annoyed him that his katana had only been able to save Inuyasha's life, but not restore him completely.

_What happened to you_, Inuyasha, he asked his brother silently. He was fairly certain that his fool of brother had used the completed Shikon no Tama to cause this transformation. But something had gone terribly wrong; he could still recall the fevered madness in Inuyasha's eyes when he'd attacked him.

And he continued to call out for his absent companions. Over the past few weeks, Sesshomaru had made inquiries regarding the final battle with Naraku, asking his men to search out the facts of the evil hanyou's demise. He had determined that some of Inuyasha's companions had been killed, but was unable to reveal the actual details. At least Inuyasha hadn't killed them himself.

Or had he? Sesshomaru had uncovered rumors of the young priestess who had been his brother's constant companion. She had survived the final battle that had destroyed Naraku, returning to the now destroyed village. What happened after that, he could not entirely be sure of and Sesshomaru despised a mystery.

That was when he'd called in one of his most loyal vassals, a clanlord by the name of Barou. They were cousins, related by blood through his mother's line. Barou was unusual among inuyoukai that he had the ability to perceive the minds of others. Determined to have the facts for once and for all, he'd asked Barou to look into his brother's mind.

"I'm not sure, my lord," Barou had said with a faint expression of distaste. "His mind is in utter chaos, I doubt he even recalls his own name."

"That is not my concern," Sesshomaru answered softly. "I merely wish to know what happened to him to bring him to such a state."

"It has something to do with a human woman." Barou looked disgusted. The memories that had flowed into his mind were vile. He could not see specifics, but the horror and cruelty of the young hanyou turned full demon were distasteful.

But his lord was waiting for him to make some kind of answer and Sesshomaru did not like to be kept waiting. "I believe the priestess may have turned against him. Perhaps it was her curse that has left him in such a pitiful state."

A curse? Sesshomaru pondered that, trying to imagine what could have brought the girl to the extreme of attacking his brother. "What else?" he asked.

Barou's lip curled in disgust. "From what I can sense, he most likely deserved what he got. The images are indistinct, but I know he hurt her."

That made no sense; Inuyasha had been fanatically protective of the girl as a hanyou. As a full youkai, that protective instinct could have only sharpened. An inuyoukai would never harm his mate, even if that mate were only a human. He well remembered his father's desire to protect the hanyou's mother, even at the cost of his own life.

"I have seen the image of the same girl, dressed in the garb of priestess as she fired an arrow at him," Barou said at last. He looked troubled, his expression pensive as he tried to find the words to describe the memories to Sesshomaru. "And then I see her again, dressed differently. He took her by force, making her scream. His emotions were conflicted, as if he desired to make her stay with him against her will, but still took her for sex like she was nothing to him."

So, his brother had raped the priestess and the priestess had retaliated by cursing him. That made much more sense now. "Did you see her death?" he asked.

"I saw her injured, bleeding as she collapsed upon the ground. But his memories don't indicate that he killed her. Perhaps she escaped from him."

Barou stood, a sickened expression on his face as he rubbed his forehead, trying to dispel the unpleasant images. "My lord, I can't see why you wish to preserve his life. As a member of your bloodline, it would be in your interest to destroy him. I cannot say if his mind will recover and your father would have been angry to see his son reduced to such a beast."

Sesshomaru considered that, standing over his brother as Makiko continued to tend him. Inuyasha had become a demon, a full demon. There was no taint of human blood in him now. He glanced over at the sword that lay in the corner and smiled faintly. His father's fang had failed to seal the demon blood, failed because his brother was weak enough to turn to a cursed jewel instead of accepting his low status as a mere hanyou. Although he no longer coveted the blade, he could feel its power lying dormant.

At his own hip, Tenseiga rebelled when he thought of killing Inuyasha. He could not deny the power of the sword he had once considered useless. He was bound to it and it to him; that ghost of their father's power never leaving him. Toukijin, on the other hand, still urged him to slay, to ram the vicious katana into his brother's heart and let it drink of his blood.

"I will be a slave to neither," he said softly.

"My lord?" Makiko had stood, looking at him curiously. He didn't realize he had spoken aloud and waved his hand to dismiss her.

"Continue to tend him," he ordered, turning and sweeping out the door. "I expect you to do your best, Makiko. My brother will die only if I will it and not before."

_**Present Day**_

Kagome came awake slowly, her head aching and her body bouncing uncomfortably over someone's shoulder. As the memories returned, she struggled in blind panic, not knowing who was holding her or why she was being carried. And her head ached so badly that she wanted to vomit.

A fuzzy tail brushed against her face and Kagome reached out to clutch it with both hands. They stopped suddenly, the unbearable movement stilled and her stomach roiled in uncomfortable protest.

"She's awake," Shippou's voice murmured. She found herself being swung down as Shippou's hands trying to guide her carefully and set her back on her feet. She felt almost painfully dizzy and had no embarrassment whatsoever about clinging to him helplessly.

"Where are we?" she whispered against his chest. One of Shippou's hands stroked her hair, trying to comfort her.

"About a day's journey inside the Western lands," a voice answered coldly. Kagome jerked, pressing her palms against the kitsune's chest to keep herself steady as she looked around wildly. She about choked on her own tongue when she met Inuyasha's angry eyes and shuddered.

"Why?" she asked Shippou, wondering why he was still here, why she was being carried deeper into his territory. Had they been taken prisoner?

Shippou's arms went around her protectively, cradling her against his chest. "Don't be scared," he said into her hair. "I swear I won't let him hurt you."

"I don't think you can stop me from doing anything I want," Inuyasha muttered.

The two guards laughed at that, making Kagome's skin crawl. She wasn't going to let him ever see that she was afraid of him, no matter how much of a bastard he wanted to be. The days when she would give him fear had long passed. She would do what she had to in order to survive, but if he laid a finger on her she was going to do everything in her power to make him pay.

He'd already done his worst to her; she wouldn't be such an easy mark this time.

Deliberately, she pushed herself away from Shippou so she could face down the demon. "Fuck you," Kagome said, her voice hard and as cold as a block of ice. "You don't scare me, Inuyasha."

He reached out swiftly and grabbed her arm, drawing her forward with a rough yank. Kagome's already throbbing head rocked back on her neck and she winced but didn't let her gaze soften or plead for mercy. She knew him better than that.

"I should kill you, bitch," he said, his voice heavy with anger. His balls were sore and throbbing and the humiliation of letting a human take him by surprise wasn't making it feel any better.

"Go on," she goaded him. "What's stopping you, demon? Want to see me beg for mercy, plead for my life? Fuck you."

His hand closed around her throat and Inuyasha looked right into her eyes. "I said I should kill you," he said softly, squeezing her neck to make his point. "But I'm not going to do it. As much as I'd like to punish you for that kick, I don't murder women."

Her knees went weak when he let her go, shoving her roughly back into Shippou's arms. Kagome rubbed her face, wincing as she encountered bruises. Her head was aching even worse now and she needed to think, needed to concentrate on getting herself out of this.

"What are you going to do with us then?" she asked, closing her eyes as Shippou's hands steadied her on her feet. She would have sagged without his support; his warm hands on her shoulders were almost her lifeline. She refused to feel terror or show weakness, but she was grateful to lean into the kitsune's solid warmth.

"I'm taking you to my brother," he answered. "Let him figure out what to do with you, I don't really give a damn."

The woman knew something about him, he could sense it now. Not that he was going to forgive her for kicking him in the balls like that, oh hell no. But Sesshomaru wouldn't be happy with him if he let them go either. Something was strange about her, something beyond how she loathed him, how she refused to show any fear.

Did she really know him? It made him sick to think about it, what if she had a damn good reason for hating him like that? And what did she mean when she said that's for remembering Kikyou? What did this woman know about her, had she been a friend of the priestess? No, she was far too young. Sesshomaru had told him that he'd been sealed to the tree for at least fifty years. If she had known Kikyou, she'd be an old hag herself.

His treacherous memory didn't even recall if Kikyou was dead or alive. She'd attacked him, but she'd been hurt when she shot him. And the jewel, he remembered the jewel. The way it had caught the sunlight as it flew out of his hands. His gaze hardened, remembering the feeling of death creeping up on him, sending him into a slow spiral of nothingness.

Yeah, he remembered Kikyou.

"Start walking," he said curtly. "I want to be home before sundown." He was starting to regret that he'd ordered Rin off after she'd struck the woman unconscious. That two-headed dragon she rode would have been a more efficient way of transporting these two back to the fortress.

But he'd been angry, livid with the kick to his balls and every bit as furious with Rin. Damn it, she could have cracked the human's skull open, then he would have been the one having to explain to Sesshomaru how he'd lost control of the situation. Rin was notorious for getting her own way, but even her sometimes too lenient guardian would have been furious at her for killing another human in cold blood.

Not that Sesshomaru seemed to give a damn about humans one way or another, but he was very protective of his young ward. Overprotective was more the case and somewhat blind when it came to her behavior.

The kitsune was walking slowly, trying to hold the woman steady. He didn't know Shippou personally, but there couldn't be that many fox youkai that would have known him by name or been heading for Kouga's territory. Shiou and Haru were both good men, but they'd had to beat hell out of the kitsune. Shippou had gone wild when Rin had struck the woman, trying to fling himself at the girl and tear her apart with his bare claws. As he'd been too preoccupied with his damaged testicles to do anything about it, the two inuyoukai guards had just done what they thought they had to.

Kagome had noticed that Shippou's face was a mass of bruises and that he clutched at his side as he walked, hitching his breath in pain now and then. She couldn't look much better herself. They were both exhausted and she felt awful that Shippou had been forced to carry her dead weight for so long.

Couldn't that bastard have waited until they recovered more? Or better yet, just left them alone.

"Why are you taking us to Sesshomaru?" she asked, making her voice sharp to find him like an arrow. Inuyasha turned to look back at her, his long topknot of hair swinging over his shoulder as his eyes narrowed in dislike.

"You know something about me, bitch. My brother will want to talk to you. And he'll want to talk to you as well, fox."

Kagome went cold at the thought, at the cruel undertone in his voice. She didn't like the idea of being held against her will by these demons. She had to think of a way out of this, but there seemed to be no escape. Where could she go that they wouldn't hunt her down? And with both her and Shippou injured she knew there was no chance of them being able to get away. She had to think of some way to distract them.

"I thought you hated your brother," she blurted out. "Why are you working for him now?"

Inuyasha stopped, turning to face her again. "What makes you think I ever hated Sesshomaru?" He looked even more suspicious now, annoyed even.

Kagome shrugged like it never mattered to her. "Your mother was human, that was reason enough for him to despise you. I suppose you can't remember all those times he tried to kill you over Tessaiga?"

His laugh was a sharp bark of disbelief. "Over that piece of junk? My brother would never bother. Why attack me over a worthless sword that neither of us can use?"

That stopped her short, it was something that she'd never considered, even back in the days when he'd first become a demon. Of course he couldn't use Tessaiga, he was a full demon now, the katana would reject him.

"You used to be able to use it," she told him, her expression very serious and watching him closely. "When you were a hanyou."

He snorted, looking disgusted. "You don't know what you're talking about. I never had the sword before I was as I am right now. And I don't remember you, bitch. So how the hell did you know I was born a hanyou?"

Kagome stared at him, realization dawning in her mind. It wasn't just her that he'd forgotten her…he'd forgotten everything. Naraku, Sango, Miroku...even Shippou was a stranger to him. He remembered Kikyou, but he'd known Kikyou before he'd been sealed to the tree.

"What's the last thing you remember, Inuyasha?" she asked.

His ears flattened in annoyance. "What do you mean, last thing I remember? You got a lot of nerve, bitch, claiming that you know me and that you know Sesshomaru."

"Tell me!" she shouted, making him stop and stare at him.

"Kagome, don't," Shippou said urgently. "It doesn't matter anymore, it's the past. He doesn't give a damn about what happened."

She still stood holding him with her gaze and Inuyasha felt forced to tell her. The woman had kicked him in the balls, insulted and screamed at him. Even after he'd saved her worthless hide. And still he felt compelled by her voice. He wanted to answer her questions; something about her made him stop and think. It was strange, but he'd never thought that he'd have to listen to a human woman for anything.

And she knew. Somehow, she knew what had happened to him.

"Ten years ago, my brother found me wandering alone, half dead from fever and so sick I couldn't even remember my own name. It took me years to recover, but I eventually got my strength back."

"And before that?" Kagome demanded. He glared at her; already he could tell he was going to hate the sound of her voice, that hard edge of contempt. Thinly, visibly trying to hold back his annoyance and his desire to slap the bitch like Rin had done, he answered her.

"The last thing I remember before that is when Kikyou shot me. When I woke up, I was in my brother's home, I'd been turned into a full demon, and I'd never even heard of Tessaiga before my brother told me about it. You got any more questions?"

She smiled, surprising him. Her face was dirty, streaked with mud and old blood, her hair matted to her scalp and plastered on her face. She looked like a wandering, homeless wretch, a woman that had lost her mind and her dignity. But she smiled at him for the first time and Inuyasha felt a flicker of doubt. Who was she that she could smile at him like that, who was she to him? Why did he want to see her smile again and what did it mean that he knew the sound of her laugh?

Kagome started to laugh, but it wasn't what he expected. He'd wanted her laugh to sound sweet, he'd wanted it to be the kind of laughter that lifted his heart and made him want to smile in return. But that wasn't how the woman sounded; instead the laughter was harsh, bitter. Inuyasha stared at her as she held both hands to her belly and laughed harsh and mocking over them. Was she insane?

Shippou seemed to be equally concerned, trying to put his arm around the laughing woman when she stumbled in her unhappy mirth. "Kagome, please," he said urgently. "Are you okay?"

"You should have told me, Shippou," she wheezed, barely able to catch her breath. "You should have told me that he'd forgotten everything. It might not have hurt so much if you'd told me first."

"I'm sorry," the kitsune said, sounding ashamed. "I didn't know how to tell you." Kagome giggled and pushed him away. She felt dizzy, maybe from the head wound, maybe from the stress of the last few hours. Of course, it all made perfect sense. Inuyasha hadn't spent one minute regretting her because he couldn't remember anything.

There was no hanyou boy sealed to a tree. There was no girl to fall in love with him. There was never a demon slayer or a cursed monk. There was no demon named Naraku who ached for the power of a jewel and destroyed the lives that guarded it. There was no priestess named Kikyou to have a pathetic reincarnation, no weak willed child named Kagome. It had never happened at all in Inuyasha's mind.

Oh, but she could hate him for that too. As if she'd needed more reasons to hate him.

"You didn't tell me because you didn't want me to know," Kagome said, still laughing. "Shippou, you shit. You thought I might forgive him, didn't you?"

Shippou flinched away from the sound of her contempt. "I was going to let Kouga tell you," he said miserably.

"Bullshit," Kagome whispered, a strange light in her eyes. "You had your own reasons, don't lie to me. You knew from the minute you saw me in the forest, you could have told me then. But no, you wanted to protect me, comfort me. Poor Kagome…so scared of a monster that doesn't even remember her name."

Haru and Shiou exchanged confused glances, Inuyasha scratched at his ears. It was like she didn't even know they were there, something was going on between the woman and the kitsune. Something ugly that had everything to do with him, yet he knew nothing about it.

"I think she's nuts, Inuyasha-sama," Shiou said in a loud aside.

"Maybe," he answered gruffly. Stalking over to the tense confrontation, he glowered at them with all the intimidation he could manage. "Quit stalling. If you two don't move your asses I'm going to have you carried."

"Shut up," Kagome hissed, her eyes still glittering as they never left the kitsune. "I'm not going anywhere until I hear the truth."

It was Shippou that looked angry now, his hands clenched into fists. "What was I supposed to think?" he said accusingly. "You stayed with him even when he became a demon. You fucked him even when he treated you like shit. I thought if I told you about it, you'd do something stupid like want to find him."

She'd fucked him? Inuyasha stared at her narrowly. That meant they'd been close, how close? What had she meant to him, had she meant anything? Was this woman a lover that he couldn't remember? Did she have a reason to hate him this much?

"You should have told me!" Kagome screamed. "You should have fucking known better than that. You were just jealous like a little kid, you were so busy trying to get what you wanted," she sneered sarcastically, "that you didn't give a damn that I was terrified out of my mind because I thought he was going to come after me!"

"I'm sorry," Shippou repeated, looking ashamed.

"Sorry doesn't make it better," she rasped, tears in her eyes. Even Shippou wasn't trustworthy, she couldn't believe in anyone anymore. All she had left was herself to rely upon, just like she always had. It was no different now than it was on the other side of the well.

_The well_.

It clicked for her. She suddenly made the connection that had been eluding her. Of course, how ironic that he'd be the one. And since he didn't remember her, it was all too perfect. Too fateful and too hard to ignore. Yes, the universe really did have an abiding hatred of Kagome Higurashi.

She stumbled as she turned away from Shippou. Realizing the answer had taken the last of her strength, that and the residual effects of Rin's blow to her head. Really, she must have had her skull fractured to have not thought of this before. Kagome started to slide to the ground as her knees gave way and declared they'd done enough to support her this day.

Hard hands caught her shoulders and Kagome found herself looking up at him. Inuyasha looked completely baffled and his expression was angry as well. "Who are you?" he demanded, giving her shoulders a little shake. "What did you mean by what you just said, what should he have told you? Answer me or I'm going to beat the answers out of you!"

He could try; it was possible that she deserved it. Kagome just looked at him passively, stared at the one person who had ever been able to enter the well as she did. Without jewel shards, without a connection to that other world, he'd slipped between time with the ease of a mystic, never stopping to think of the consequences. All because of her, because he wouldn't let her go, because she had been too fucking important to him and time itself wouldn't get in Inuyasha's way.

How twisted that the person she'd sealed the well from was now the only person who could open it for her.

The woman straightened in his hands, and Inuyasha braced himself, wondering if she'd try to kick him again. "You want an answer?" she asked quietly. "You want to know the truth?"

"Yeah," he said, wishing she'd just stop confusing him and make her words plain. It was giving him a headache and he wished he were back at the fortress. Let Sesshomaru figure it out, let him wrap his brain about this mysterious woman and squeeze the truth from her. He just wanted to go home.

"The truth," Kagome said calmly, moving closer to him. She could see the confusion in his eyes, the wariness as she approached him. Kagome placed her hands on his chest and drew herself into his embrace.

"I need your help, Inuyasha. I need you to take me home."

Then she rose up on her toes and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. Fate was laughing at her. Kagome Higurashi knew how to laugh back.


	12. Twelve

Possession 12

_**Present Day**_

Shippou was beginning to be more than a little concerned for Kagome. She walked slowly at his side, occasionally shaking her head and laughing darkly under her breath. When he looked into her eyes he thought he saw a glimmer of madness there. Under the streaks of dirt and blood, her face seemed flushed and her eyes were over bright. Still, she kept moving, weaving now and then and stumbling over her own feet.

It was the low chuckles she kept making that made his skin want to crawl. It didn't sound like Kagome, it sounded like the mirth of a desperate woman, someone who had lost faith in everything and was determined to laugh back at the cruel fates that had destroyed her life.

He didn't like it.

The kitsune kept his expression neutral as Kagome stumbled again and this time fell, her hands planted in the dirt and laughing with eerie enjoyment as she dug her fingers into the soft earth.

"I'm such a fool," she muttered as she sat back and started to get to her feet. He moved to help her but Inuyasha was swifter, reaching down to grab Kagome's arm and haul her up with a rough yank.

"Can't you move any faster?" the demon asked with a wrathful irritation in his voice.

Shippou moved to stand between them, taking Kagome protectively under his arm. "She's exhausted, can't you understand that?" he demanded. "You have to let her rest, she's not used to traveling like this."

"Fuck," Inuyasha muttered, turning his eyes to the sky. It was already dark, he was way behind schedule and his brother was going to be pissed about it.

"I haven't got time to let a weak human rest," he snapped. Shiou and Haru were both still avoiding his gaze, knowing as well as he did that Sesshomaru was going to question them about this. Rin had certainly returned by now and was no doubt bending his brother's ear about this incident.

His eyes glowed golden in the darkness; the sky over them was overcast and the moon seethed sullenly behind the clouds. It was also getting colder as they made their way into the mountains. He eyed the woman critically; the kitsune was correct. She couldn't continue like this, she hadn't the strength. If he kept pushing her she would simply collapse from exhaustion.

"Come here," he said gruffly, reaching for Kagome to pull her away from Shippou's protective embrace. The kitsune growled angrily at him but Shiou stepped up and tapped the young fox on the back of his head.

"You're in no position to argue, kid," the guard said, no cruelty in his tone, just the simple statement of fact.

Kagome stared as Inuyasha turned away from her. "Get on my back," he ordered. "I'll carry you."

She might not be exactly lucid at the moment, but Kagome knew what he was asking. She shook her head. "No."

"It wasn't a request, bitch," he snapped. "I don't want you on my fucking back, but you're going to drop in your tracks if you keep going."

Inuyasha glared at her when she backed away from him, some kind of old fear in her eyes as she shook her head again. "No," she whispered. "I don't want you to touch me. I can walk, I'll be fine."

"The hell," he answered shortly. His hand shot out to grab hers, spinning her around and pulling her over his shoulder with a practiced yank. Kagome struggled as he tried to settle her on his back, but he growled menacingly and the struggles faded away.

She was really too tired to fight, he decided. Whatever pride had been keeping her on her feet, pride or stubborn madness, it seemed to have deserted her and she leaned weakly against him.

"That's better," he said, and reached behind him to take her knees and boost her into position. He heard her hiss angrily at him as his claws dug briefly in the back of her thighs. Hell, he was just trying to get her steady, not feel her body.

"Watch your claws," she hissed and he could hear her heart racing. It wasn't entirely fear; it was something more primitive and complex. She wasn't afraid of him, he could tell that, but she obviously didn't trust him any more than he trusted her. Why was she trembling so much? He wasn't going to hurt her, even if she did deserve it.

"You wish," he muttered. He heard Haru snigger and turned to glare at the guard.

"You got something to say?" he barked.

"No, Inuyasha-sama," the guard said respectfully. So it amused them to see him carry a human like he was a pack animal. He would have ordered one of them to do it, but right now he didn't feel like he could trust either of them to do that much. And Haru was a known lech when it came to females. He'd even stoop to groping a human in such a vulnerable position.

"Then shut your holes," he said pleasantly, flicking a meaningful claw in their direction. Most of the men that served his brother were good, excellent fighters and tough as hell in a crunch, but inuyoukai tended to have a sense of humor about such things. Except for Sesshomaru, of course. He didn't have much of a sense of humor about anything.

He could expect a lecture about letting a human ride him like this. As soon as his brother caught the woman's scent on him he'd get an earful about not disgracing the bloodline. Not that he'd ever look twice at a human female, not after the way he'd been treated as a hanyou. It sickened him to even think of crossing his blood with a mortal and putting a child of his own through that kind of hell.

And not after Kikyou. He'd learned, damn it.

Inuyasha was glad to be a real demon at last, glad enough that he didn't question the circumstances that much. He knew he must have somehow freed himself from Kikyou's seal and attained the Shikon no Tama to become as he was now. Sometimes it bothered him that he couldn't remember everything, but when he tried to recall what exactly had happened, he had terrible headaches.

His brother had offered the theory that it was their father's blood that kept him from remembering. He had been in such a terrible state when Sesshomaru had found him, very sick with a fever, that it might have been a residual effect of Tenseiga's healing. It had annoyed his brother that nothing could be done to restore his memory. Inuyasha wasn't sure if it was because he perceived it as a failure on Tenseiga's part or just that Sesshomaru didn't like the unanswered mystery under his roof.

Perhaps this woman could fill in some of the blank spaces for him. Inuyasha scowled, remembering the vicious kick that still had his balls aching. Yeah, he was sure of one thing, the human hated him enough that she had to know something.

As they were able to move quicker now, he knew they were nearing the mountain pass that would take them to his brother's hidden fortress. It was an ancient stone structure, carved out of a small, rocky mountain situated in a lushly beautiful valley. Even in the summer, the temperature remained cool and in the morning mist surrounded the fortress like a blanket of protection.

Who exactly had done the original work of carving out the massive stone structure, so unlike any human habitations he'd ever seen, even Sesshomaru couldn't answer.

And she'd kissed him. That baffled Inuyasha.

He could smell the fox youkai seething behind him, furious that he was carrying 'his' human woman. Yeah, he could tell exactly how Shippou felt about this female; you didn't have to be a genius to detect the overtones of desire. He wanted the woman, but from her comments it was clear that she didn't return his feelings.

_Too fucking bad for Shippou_, he thought with a sneer. His ears twitched when he heard a soft snore over his shoulder. The woman was asleep, her arms gone limp over his shoulders and her face buried in his hair. It wasn't an altogether bad feeling either, something felt right and familiar about the way he was carrying her. And under the light reek of that lower demon's blood, her scent was pleasant for a human's.

And what the hell had Shippou meant when he'd sneered out that she'd fucked him even though he'd treated her like shit? And that she'd stayed with him even when he became a demon? Perhaps she did know him; he wished he could remember why. Was it possible, that somewhere in his dark and tormented unknown past, they had been friends?

He snorted, the taste of her hatred still in back of his throat.

No, it was not even remotely possible.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

"Good, you're awake."

Inuyasha turned from the window and didn't smile at the woman. Her name was Makiko, she'd already told him that several times. Over the past few weeks, he'd been barely strong enough to move, let alone get out of bed. This was the woman who had been taking care of him, bringing him meals and, he blushed with a bit of embarrassment, bathing him like a baby pup when he'd been too weak to take care of himself.

"How are you feeling today, Inuyasha-sama?" she asked. Makiko went to a small table in the corner of his room and started to set out his morning meal. His nose twitched hopefully at the smell of the rich broth and plain rice. He was actually feeling hungry this morning. Makiko had declared him ready for solid food at this point, but he understood that even rice could overwhelm his abused body.

"Thanks," he said, his voice sounding rough and disused. "You don't have to call me that, I'm just Inuyasha. I'm nobody's lord anything."

Makiko smiled gently at the white haired young demon. She was kindly by nature, although few of her staff would ever describe her that way. Makiko's brisk temperament made her a strict mistress to work for, but at the moment, she couldn't help but feel pity for her patient.

"I call you Inuyasha-sama because you are Sesshomaru-sama's brother," she said simply. "It would be disrespectful to him for me to call you by your name so familiarly."

"Keh," he said, a noncommittal grunt. Inuyasha sat down and started to slurp up the tasty soup. He felt the woman's hand brush over his hair and glanced up.

"Not so fast," she admonished. "I really don't want to have to clean up after you if your stomach can't handle the soup."

He blushed again, remembering the humiliation of having his first meal fed to him slowly only to vomit hard all over the floor. Makiko had only sighed and called for a pair of maids to bring her cleaning supplies. She'd mopped up the mess on her own, as Sesshomaru had decreed that no one was to have admittance to his brother's room but herself.

"If you're feeling strong enough," she said quietly, "Sesshomaru-sama will be coming to speak to you this morning."

Inuyasha flinched, he'd been here for weeks and they hadn't actually spoken. He could just barely recall his brother standing over his bedside from time to time, staring down at him with a cool, evaluating gaze before sweeping away wordlessly. At least once, maybe twice, he'd seen his brother draw a sword. In a blind panic, he'd struggled, thinking that he was about to be killed. But instead his brother had only rested the tip of the blade against his chest.

An eerie feeling made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, remembering. There was a gentle pulse of power that came from that sword, filling him with light and making him feel calm and sleepy. It was peaceful and unsettling at the same time. Makiko had explained that the blade was actually a sword of healing and made from the fang of his father. Such power confused him, as did the fact that his estranged brother had used it to rescue him.

Why would his human hating brother Sesshomaru want to save him, a miserable hanyou? He could barely remember the only time he'd seen him before, right after his mother's death. He'd been six and his brother had struck him across the face, called him a filthy abomination to their bloodline, and left him in the care of the human relatives that despised him for his youkai heritage.

Was it because he was now a full demon, had he suddenly become acceptable?

After successfully finishing his breakfast, even the bland rice, Makiko let him bathe himself and dress without her assistance. He might be weak, but he still had his pride and it was humiliating to let a woman tend him like he was a child.

So, once clean and dressed, Makiko brushed out his long hair. That he didn't mind at all, it was soothing to be cared for in such a way. No one had ever touched him willingly since his mother had died so long ago. Even Kikyou had been restrained; allowing him to touch her hand gently now and again, save for one long heartfelt embrace. Makiko didn't seem to be revolted by his half breed past and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the brush sliding through his hair.

"What does my brother want to talk to me about?" he asked.

"I don't have the slightest idea, Inuyasha-sama," Makiko answered blandly. "Perhaps he only wishes to see that you are well."

"Why?" he blurted out. He turned around and stared at the woman. "My brother hates me," he said in hard tone. "I don't think that's changed."

Makiko didn't answer, but patted him on the head like he was a child. She reflected that it was probably so as Sesshomaru-sama was not a youkai renowned for his tolerance or his compassion. But in the past few years he had shown signs of mellowing on certain subjects. The child Rin was proof of that.

"I will tell him that you are ready to be seen by him," she said quietly. Her lord had an unpredictable nature and she wasn't about to tell her confused young patient that his brother could very well kill him, even after going to such lengths to save his life. She honestly hoped that was not his intention, after all, she had worked very hard to keep this young demon alive.

After Makiko left, Inuyasha went to stand by the window again. The view was stunning. He could see a wide green valley, surrounded on all sides by tall mountains. He could feel that this was home, something in his blood stirred at the sight. He sighed, leaning heavily against the wall as the memories washed over him.

_Get away from here, you dirty half-breed!_

_Youkai scum!_

He'd been born and lived his entire life among humans that hated and feared him. When he was only a small child, they'd mocked and tormented him after his mother had died. When he'd finally left his mother's people, he'd wandered aimlessly only to find that neither humans nor demons wanted something like him around. He couldn't blame them, he was a half-breed. He had no place.

"Inuyasha."

He turned at the sound of his brother's cold voice. Instinctively, Inuyasha kept his back against the wall. With the memories of his outcast status still fresh in his mind, he felt anger bubble up inside him at the sight of Sesshomaru. Wasn't this the same brother that had left him to the humans, not caring if he lived or died?

"Why did you bring me here?" he ground out.

Sesshomaru raised an elegant eyebrow. "Would you have preferred that I left you to die, little brother?"

"What does it matter?" Inuyasha said bitterly. "You never cared before."

Smiling faintly, Sesshomaru crossed the room until he was standing beside his brother at the window. "I wished to know how you became a full demon," he said, his voice light and unconcerned. "It was the sacred jewel, was it not?"

Inuyasha stiffened, remembering how he'd tried to steal the jewel after Kikyou betrayed him. He reached up to his chest, his fingers finding a small scar that would never fade. The pain of the arrow lingered in his mind.

"I suppose it was," he said dully. "I don't remember."

"What about the priestess?"

Inuyasha shook his head. "She tried to kill me."

To his surprise, his brother laughed lightly. "Humans are like that," he said, a sneer evident in his tone. "They have no honor, no loyalty. It does not surprise me that she betrayed you."

"Shut up," Inuyasha muttered. "I thought I loved her. You wouldn't understand that, would you?"

"A weak emotion," Sesshomaru answered. "One that does not serve a youkai's instincts. One would have thought that living among humans for so long, you would have learned better."

He didn't want to talk about Kikyou to his brother. He knew he'd been a fool, he didn't need Sesshomaru lording it over him. For that matter, what did his brother want anyway? Was he free to leave?

"You're wondering why you're here and if I intend to let you leave, are you not, little brother?"

Damn him, Inuyasha thought sullenly. How does he know what I'm thinking? "I don't care one way or another," he said coldly, matching his brother's tone.

"You are a miserable liar, Inuyasha."

He turned to glare at his brother. "So fucking what? I already know you don't want me here. Why did you do it?"

Sesshomaru didn't look at him. "I want answers, Inuyasha. I want to know how and why you became a full demon, why the priestess betrayed you. Why you lost your mind and attacked your friends."

Inuyasha was taken aback. "What friends?" he demanded. "I don't have any friends."

"Your traveling companions, fool." Sesshomaru was becoming annoyed, having to converse with his younger brother was like speaking to a child. Rin made more sense than Inuyasha. "The ones who sought the jewel with you."

He laughed harshly. "You're the one who's deluded, brother," he sneered. "I was after the jewel on my own, I didn't need any help."

Frowning, his brother glanced down at him. He could sense no deception in Inuyasha's tone. Was it possible that his brother really didn't recall them?

"Your mind was in disarray when I found you," Sesshomaru said softly, his eyes glinting in the sunlight. He reached out a long finger to touch Inuyasha's scarred face. "You didn't even recognize me."

Inuyasha snorted, leaning on the windowsill. "I've only seen you once before. But I recognize you now. And I remember everything you said to me after my mother died, you bastard."

"Your mother was human," Sesshomaru murmured. "Humans die easily, you should have learned that by now as well. I don't pretend to claim affection for lesser beings."

"Like me?" Inuyasha asked sarcastically.

"Like you." There was no apology in Sesshomaru's tone or the slightest hint of concern. Inuyasha didn't let it bother him, his brother was a cold, unfeeling bastard, he'd never give a damn about anyone but himself.

"So now that you've saved my worthless life, are you going to explain why?"

Sesshomaru didn't answer him, but continued to gaze out the window. "Inuyasha," he said at last. "What do you see when you look out this window?"

His brother shrugged. "A pretty valley."

"Nothing else?"

He hesitated, not understanding exactly what Sesshomaru was getting at. He felt something stir when he looked out over the valley. Something that spoke to him deep inside. The feelings were hard to put into words, especially to someone like his brother. What did he know about what he felt, what he saw?

Slowly, pulling the words out one by one and thinking hard on it, he managed to answer. "I see...I feel...like I know this place somehow. Like it knows me."

The youkai lord remained as pale and impassive as a ghost. "As these are our father's ancestral lands, it should not surprise you. All inuyoukai are bound to their home territories. Even with your filthy human heritage, little brother, you should still feel a connection."

Inuyasha scowled, looking almost as petulant as a child. "A connection, huh? Even for a worthless half breed like me? Don't bother lying to me, Sesshomaru. I know what I am."

"What you were," his brother answered softly. "There is no taint of human blood in your scent now."

"Oh and that makes me acceptable, huh?" he asked bitterly. Inuyasha leaned against the wall, gazing out at the valley distrustfully. "Spare me. I don't need your approval and I never did. Fuck off."

Instead of mocking him, his brother was silent. Inuyasha turned to look at him curiously when Sesshomaru abruptly swept away, heading for the door. Inuyasha assumed the interview was over and wondered if his brother had gotten what he wanted, whatever it was. He was surprised when Sesshomaru returned, carrying a well-wrapped bundle. He placed it carefully before Inuyasha.

"Open it."

Inuyasha regarded him suspiciously. "What's inside?" he demanded.

Sesshomaru offered him a faint, mysterious smile. "It is a sword. A very...special...sword."

Curious, Inuyasha unwrapped it, aware that Sesshomaru was watching him closely. Under the layers of fabric, he found a scabbarded blade and lifted it. "What is so special about it?" he wanted to know.

"It does not reject you," Sesshomaru said thoughtfully. He looked like he was disappointed, Inuyasha decided. He slid the blade from the scabbard and stared at it.

"What a piece of junk!"

Sesshomaru shook his head, his voice hardened with disapproval. "That blade was made from our father's fang, little brother. You should be more respectful."

Inuyasha deliberately tossed the blade on his bed and looked away from his brother. "Means nothing to me. I don't give a damn where it came from."

Sesshomaru turned away, heading for the door. Inuyasha watched him, scowling at his brother's enigmatic manner. "Aren't you forgetting something?" he called, waving his hand at the sword.

"Keep it," Sesshomaru answered, not looking back. "It's useless to me and it belongs to you. I have no desire for a weapon I cannot use."

Inuyasha sat down on the floor, pulling the blade to him and looking at it closely. Useless, rusty piece of crap, just like Sesshomaru to give it to him. Well, it didn't matter, as soon as he was strong enough, he was getting the hell out of here.

_**Present Day**_

Kagome opened her eyes and sat up with a gasp, terrified. Her heart was racing so fast that her pulse pounded in her ears. She had no idea where she was.

She found herself in a strange room, with unfamiliar, rich furnishings. Elegant hangings and screens lined the walls, simple but elegant woodwork surrounded her. She was lying on a soft, plump futon and covered by a thick blanket. She was also utterly naked. For a moment, she wondered if this was all part of a bad dream. Then she wondered if the dream was entirely bad since she'd been obviously cared for in her sleep.

Her last memory was a fuzzy recollection of being handed over to someone, the cold night air whisking over face and the light of torches blinding her eyes. After that, she remembered nothing at all. Her body ached, but the pain of her sore muscles was nothing compared to the throbbing in her head. Then, like a rush of doom, it all came back to her.

_Inuyasha!_

He'd been carrying her and her body flushed with uncomfortable recollection. She remembered him lifting her to his back, snarling at her as she tried to struggle and protest. Vaguely, she realized that tension and exhaustion must have made her pass out while he carried her.

It sickened her a bit, knowing that somehow that familiar feeling of him between her thighs as he ran may have made her relax enough to sleep. She could still recall the smell of his hair when she'd laid her head against his back, dark and woodsy, like the scent of deep forest.

"Oh God," she moaned, burying her face in the thick blanket. Despair started to overwhelm her and Kagome took deep breaths to steady herself. Don't you dare start crying, she told herself fiercely. You can handle it, whatever happens, you will survive.

The soft sound of footsteps caught her attention and she looked up as a door was slid back quietly. To her surprise, a young woman peeked inside, her face carefully neutral, yet somehow apprehensive. The girl looked at her soberly and Kagome couldn't make her voice work to say anything.

"Are you awake, miss?" the girl asked in a soft, timid voice. Shivering in spite of the warm blankets, Kagome nodded. The girl gave a small bow, dropping her eyes.

"I will inform Makiko-san."

"Who?" Kagome asked, forcing herself to speak. Who was Makiko-san and why was she to be informed? The girl didn't answer, but smiled gently and slid the door shut again.

"Damn," Kagome murmured, getting a hold of herself again. Whoever was coming, she didn't want to meet them in the buff, she was fairly certain of that. She made her legs work, sliding out into the relatively cool air of the room. A long, wide window was open and the morning breeze was brisk. The sunlight had the look of very early morning and Kagome wondered how long she'd been asleep.

Her clothes were gone. Kagome's skin crawled at the idea of putting on the filthy, stained garments but she had nothing else. She had just decided to search for something to wear, unless they expected her to stay naked, there had to be something. She was bending over a small chest when she heard the door open again and spun around in fear.

"I apologize for startling you." Kagome stared at her. The woman was lovely, with pale creamy smooth skin and dark hair tied up in an elaborate style. She wore a simple, yet elegant kimono of warm beige that was embroidered with flowers of a slightly paler color. Her dark eyes were very grave, her expression as neutral as the previous woman's, only without any hint of apprehension.

"Where am I?" Kagome demanded, her tone harsher than she'd intended. She forced herself to stand proudly, not make any modest attempt to cover herself. She had nothing to be ashamed of or to hide. The woman merely inclined her head in a smooth, slightly respectful bow.

"You are in the fortress of the inuyoukai, a guest of his lordship, Sesshomaru-sama." When Kagome's jaw dropped, the woman smiled faintly. "My name is Makiko, I am head of the household staff in this place."

"You're a demon," Kagome said, stating the obvious. The woman had slightly pointed ears, her fingertips were shining claws. And when she smiled, Kagome saw the faint gleam of fangs.

"And you are a human," Makiko said gently. She walked across the room, her steps an elegant glide. "You have nothing to fear from me. I apologize for your state of undress, but I couldn't bear to let you sleep in such filthy clothing."

"I…see," Kagome said, somehow put at ease by the woman's demeanor. Makiko approached her and went to the small chest that Kagome had been about to investigate. Opening it, she withdrew a plain white yukata and offered it to the human.

"Would you care for a bath?" Although it was phrased as a question, Kagome understood from the woman's tone that this was expected. She reached up to feel her filthy hair and grimaced. It stank of demon blood and sweat and seeing how the woman's sensitive nose twitched, Kagome knew she had to reek.

Well, if she had to face someone like Sesshomaru today, she thought it would be easier if she were clean.

"Thank you," Kagome said at last, remembering her manners. She might be angry and scared out of her mind, but there was nothing threatening in the way Makiko was looking at her.

Nodding in approval, Makiko led her to the outer rooms and Kagome realized her bedchamber was one of a small suite of rooms. They were all elegantly, sparsely furnished and Makiko led her down a short passage to a large stone room. In the middle of the room was a round wooden tub, beautifully carved on its outer panels, already filled with steaming, scented water.

"Do you require any assistance?" Makiko asked in a bland voice. Kagome blushed, realizing the woman was asking if she wanted her to bathe her.

"I prefer to bathe alone," she said, pretending to be dignified. Makiko bowed and left the room and Kagome reflected that the demon was probably relieved. No doubt she would consider it be beneath her to assist a human in her bath. Kagome was well aware of what demons thought of humans in general. If this was truly Sesshomaru's domain, it would be doubly so.

Still, she felt a little more charitable on the subject of Inuyasha's older brother when she slid into the steaming water. It was nearly scalding and Kagome shuddered, having gotten used to western ideas of hot baths. She reflected that she had lost some of her toughness regarding cultural differences like that, just as she knew her manner came across as brusque to other Japanese. It was amazing how only a few years had changed her character in such a way.

_Stop it_, she told herself, relaxing against the edge of the tub. _You aren't really in Japan anymore; you're in a fucking nightmare with polite demons and bastard youkai lords_. She knew that she was going to have to compose herself to deal with Sesshomaru.

And Inuyasha.

Kagome grit her teeth, her hands clenching into fists under the water. He didn't remember her, not a fucking thing. On the one hand, that was probably for the best. She probably would have been torn to pieces on his claws if he remembered her. The Inuyasha she remembered was sadistic, enraged by her escape. Hadn't he destroyed Kaede's village, torn people apart with his bare hands? She couldn't afford to forget that she was at the mercy of monsters.

It saddened her that Shippou hadn't told her the truth from the very beginning. The kitsune's betrayal hurt almost as much as the fact that Inuyasha had forgotten her. She trusted Shippou; she loved him dearly as if he were her own flesh and blood. And still his jealousy and resentment had never faded. She thought about the way he'd touched her, running his hands over her breasts, reaching between her thighs and felt a pain go through the pit of her stomach.

Deliberately, Kagome ducked her head under the water, scrubbing fiercely at her dirty hair. Coming back up for air, she stood and reached for cleanser, hoping it wasn't some strange youkai concoction that would eat her skin. Resolutely, she scrubbed every part of her body until her skin was raw and red from her efforts.

"Dirty," she muttered, almost tearing at her skin with a need to be clean. Sometimes this happened, not very often anymore, but she would be assailed by the feeling of utter filthiness. No amount of scalding water and harsh abrasive could ever erase it, just as she knew that nothing would ever be able to freshen her soul again.

She forced herself to stop with her aggressive scrubbing when she saw the first pinpricks of blood appeared on her arms and breasts. Kagome sank to her knees, her long hair dripping in her face. _I will not cry_, she thought. _I will not cry for any of them. They don't deserve my tears. I'm the one who suffered; I'm the one he almost killed_.

The water was still hot enough to make her skin sting, but Kagome rinsed her hair carefully and piled it on top of her head. Then she made herself lie back, wondering if she could just stay in the bath forever. Eventually her body would shrivel and peel, reflecting her inner despair. If she drowned herself in the bath, she wondered if they'd bury her. If Inuyasha would suddenly remember her name, know that she'd loved him with all of her young heart and soul. And remember that he had betrayed her so viciously.

Even then, would he regret her death?

"Inuyasha," she whispered as the steam cloaked her face. "Why don't you know me?"

"I believe the question would be, why does it bother you so much?"

Kagome's eyes shot open and she stared in horror at the young man lounging on the edge of the tub. He smiled at her, his eyes as kind as she remembered and she felt her heart thud hard in her chest.

"You're dead," she whispered, quivering.

The monk nodded, his easy smile still in place. "I know. I was there."

Kagome ground her fists against her eyes. "I'm losing my fucking mind," she muttered hoarsely. Miroku was dead; he was not sitting there and smiling at her. The monk had died, she remembered holding his battered, burned body and wailing in grief while Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her.

"I don't believe in ghosts," she said, her voice low and desperate. "I can't handle this, I swear to God I can't handle this."

"Yes, you can handle this," he said softly and she looked up. Miroku regarded her seriously. "Please don't punish yourself, Kagome. You've been through enough."

Her voice hitching in her throat, Kagome shook her head. "Go away," she pleaded. "Please just leave me alone, I don't want to see you. You died, Miroku. I put flowers on your grave, along with flowers for Sango and Kohaku even though we didn't have their bodies. This is too much."

Miroku sighed, his eyes sad. "I am sorry," he said, his tone very gentle and quiet. "I know this is a shock for you..."

"You think?" she answered bitterly. "You think it's a shock to see my dead friend sitting on the edge of a bathtub and talking to me? No, that's hardly a shock at all, happens to me all the time!"

"At least you haven't lost your sense of humor," he commented, picking at his robes. She watched his hands, noticing that they were both bare and whole. He smiled at that, seeing where her gaze lingered and presented both palms for inspection.

"No wind tunnel," he said teasingly.

She groaned, leaning against the wall of the tub again. Kagome supposed that if she was to be subjected to hallucinations now, there were far worse things she could imagine than her long dead, but beloved friend.

"What do you want?" she asked weakly. Maybe there was something mind altering in the herbs they'd used to scent this bathwater. Maybe she'd just lost her mind completely and was actually safe in the modern era, only in a padded room.

"You are not insane," he said, folding his arms and grinning at her. She raised an eyebrow at his tone, he sounded so real, so very much like Miroku.

"Aren't you supposed to be reincarnated somewhere?" she asked, rubbing her face. She actually thought about it, wondering what kind of life would have been appropriate for Miroku's soul and smiled faintly at the idea. A bouncer at a strip club came to mind.

"That would be nice," he said fondly. "I'm pleased to know you think of me so well."

She snorted. "How do you know what I'm thinking?"

Miroku shrugged. "I'm your hallucination, remember?" He stood and walked over to her, kneeling down so he could look at her eye to eye. "I'm here to warn you."

She choked, a laugh rising from her throat that sounded hysterical even to her own ears. "Is that the best you can come up with, Miroku? You're here to warn me? Why didn't you warn me that Scott was going to try and kill me? How about warning me that I might want to be careful and not get my ass thrown down the damn well?"

"You are in danger," he said solemnly, no humor in his eyes. "There is a terrible evil presence in the land."

"I know," she snapped, "that evil presence is the one that carried me here!" Angrily, she splashed him and stared when the water splattered on the floor, but didn't wet his face.

"My God," she breathed. "You really are here."

"I'm not talking about Inuyasha," he said. "You are in danger because of your spiritual abilities, Kagome. Please listen to me. You must find a way home as soon as possible before that evil comes seeking you. It needs you."

"Why?"

Miroku bowed his head for a moment. "Something very terrible has happened, I wish to say it was not true, but it is. Please, out of friendship, just believe me."

She did. She felt her skin crawl, but she believed him. "I'm trying to go home," she whispered. "I can't get through the well. I'm...I'm going to see if I can somehow get Inuyasha to try to help me. He won't want to, I'm sure of that, but I don't have any other way. I'm stuck here, Miroku, I'm helpless..."

She trailed off when he put his hand on the side of the tub, very close to hers but not touching. "He will help you, you have to find a way to convince him."

Kagome closed her eyes. She would find a way; she always found a way to survive. She didn't want to stay here, in this land of demons and death. She never wanted to see another village slaughtered, didn't want to fight for her life against a demon again. If that wasn't reason enough, there was Inuyasha himself to consider. What if his memory returned, she knew she wouldn't live for very long once that happened.

And she knew that he would find the most painful, humiliating way possible to kill her. Rape her to death, torture her slowly. She could almost feel the claws slicing into her soft breasts, his hot breath on her throat as he fucked her relentlessly, ignoring her shrieks and wails of pain. She could almost hear her own voice begging him to stop.

Or worse, begging him to continue.

_You're mine, bitch. I'm never going to stop._

_I'll kill us both before I let you free._

Some minutes had passed in silence while her mind reeled. She was lost in memories of terror, of soul-destroying lust, of shame and bitter, bitter hatred. When she opened her eyes again, she was startled to see Miroku's face peering down at her.

"You're still here," she whispered.

A faint smile appeared on his face. "Well," he said, the smile widening considerably. "You're still naked. You can't blame me for looking, can you?"

His comment caught her by such surprise that she actually laughed. She ran her hands over her wet hair, glancing down at her bobbing breasts. "Miroku, even dead you haven't changed..."

She was talking to air, he was gone. Kagome shivered in spite of the warmth of the bath, a shiver that was from deep inside her where a chill lived and no warmth could erase. Had it just been a dream? A hallucination brought on by stress and pain? She considered that, thinking that the mind did strange things when it was overtaxed and she had certainly felt pushed to the breaking point by the last few days.

She stepped out of the tub, beginning to dry herself with the soft cloths that Makiko had left. So she was in danger, so she needed to get home. Yes. She would find a way, this wouldn't break her. She had already proved that she could endure the worst he had to offer. And then some.

_Kagome._

She dropped her towel, searching around her with wide eyes at the sound of Miroku's voice. Her hands were shaking a bit and she curled them into fists. Straightening her spine, she spoke to the empty air in a voice hushed and brittle.

"What?"

_You should tell him about the baby._

Her knees gave way and she sank slowly to the floor, her face cupped in her palms. Although she'd promised herself she wouldn't cry, Kagome couldn't help but weep, pulling her legs to her chest and rocking back and forth on the bare floor in a desperate and lonely attempt to comfort herself.

It was more than she could bear.


	13. Thirteen

Possession 13

_**Ten Years Earlier **_

The rain was pouring down over his head and he was cold. Still, the small kitsune didn't leave his post not far from a shabby little hut in the middle of a forest. Shippou felt a sneeze coming on and clapped both hands over his nose. He didn't want anyone to hear him.

He was out here by choice, his own choice. Back in the village Kaede's warm home waited for him. The elderly priestess was probably worried, knowing where he was likely to be hiding. It was the rain that drew him to her now, rain that would muffle sounds that a demon's sharp ears might hear, rain that would mask a kitsune's scent.

Shippou crept closer, helplessly drawn to the hut. He just had to know, he had to make sure that she was okay. He hated the monster that Inuyasha had become, hated and feared him. The transformed hanyou was nothing like the Inuyasha he had known. Before he had only been obnoxious, temperamental and rude. Now he was just vicious, attacking with his words as often as his claws, grinning down at Shippou with a sadistic glee that made his blood run cold and his legs tremble.

Which was why he couldn't go away, couldn't just leave her at the mercy of a monster. His Kagome deserved so much better, so much more. There was a time when Shippou had wanted the stupid hanyou to open his eyes and see how much she loved him, needed him. He'd been blind for so long that Shippou could hardly stand it.

_Don't you see the way she looks at you_, he'd rage silently when he'd see Kagome watching Inuyasha with a tender expression that was hard to define. Love and longing…wistfulness. Shippou had never understood how Inuyasha could pretend to be so blind, especially when the kitsune caught him giving the girl the same look or the way his eyes would linger on her legs when she walked ahead of him.

Lightning streaked the sky overhead and Shippou froze, afraid that Inuyasha might come to look outside the hut and see him as he stalked closer to forbidden territory. The youkai had told him to stay away; he was only permitted to see Kagome when she came to the village. And then he had to be careful not to let his scent show his anxiety or his hatred. Inuyasha seemed to know everything he was thinking, gone was the blunt and obtuse hanyou that wouldn't know a truth unless he was hit over the head with it.

The demon Inuyasha was pure calculation behind malice. Whatever the jewel had done to him, was still doing to him, Shippou couldn't say. Maybe it was fear; maybe it was just anger and jealousy. But Shippou would have preferred the red eyed ravaging monster to the creature his former friend and protector had become.

There was a crack in the back of the hut that Shippou knew about. This wouldn't be first time he'd come to look, make sure Kagome wasn't hurt or sick and Inuyasha not taking care of her. He'd disappear for days on end, reappearing as suddenly as a dream could turn into a nightmare. He worried about that, worried about the demon leaving her alone so much.

He worried even more about when she was alone with Inuyasha.

The rain had finally stopped a full moon was peeping between the clouds, casting an eerie glow over the small clearing. A tiny kitsune crept through the grass, quiet as a mouse, just like a frightened rabbit. A small glow was coming from within the hut, no doubt the banked remains of Kagome's cooking fire. He just wanted to see her. That was all. Then he could go back to Kaede and maybe sleep this night.

Shippou leaned against the wall, listening for any sounds. He heard Kagome's voice murmur something, then an answering low and dark chuckle that made the hair on the back of his neck rise. He peered inside the hut, his breath misting slightly as he did so and had to stifle a gasp when he saw what was going on.

He was kissing her.

Kagome lay sprawled on her back with Inuyasha looming over her, fatal as a death sentence. One hand held the back of her head, keeping her from turning from his kiss even though she made no attempt to do so. The other hand was exploring under her shirt, moving ominously under the worn white fabric, a snake rustling in the grass. Kagome's hands were slack at her sides, making no attempt to push him away as he devoured her mouth with his own.

Roughly, Inuyasha grabbed the hem of her shirt and pushed it up, exposing her breasts as he moved to nuzzle her, rubbing his mouth over her flushed skin. Kagome arched against him, reaching up to clutch his hair when his lips closed over her flesh. He was growling as he sucked hard at first one breast then the other, almost feverish in his movements.

Kagome cried out desperately and Shippou froze, thinking she was being hurt. The tips of her breasts were turning red and swollen, aching for the touch of the demon's tongue. Inuyasha didn't stop, grinding against the girl's slim form as his hands raked over her naked torso and left light welts on her pale skin. But she wasn't pushing him away; she was holding his head to her chest and twisting against him.

"Please," the girl whispered and Shippou's mouth fell open at the urgent need in her voice. "Please Inuyasha, please."

He laughed harshly, releasing a swollen nipple that trembled in the hazy firelight. "Tell me what you want, Kagome," he demanded, his fingers tweaking her cruelly. Kagome gasped, shuddering and turned her face away from his.

"You...you know," she whispered, her voice so low and rough that Shippou scarcely recognized it.

"And I like to make you say it," he growled happily. Shippou tensed when the demon leaned over his Kagome, fangs gleaming menacingly. "I can make you scream it, you can't stop yourself."

"I...I can't..."

Shippou winced as Inuyasha licked Kagome's breast slowly, running his tongue around the darkened tip with a smirk and letting one sharp fang graze her. Her eyes flew open and she cried out, her voice now high and shrill. He just laughed again, so dark and hard it made a kitsune's fists clench.

"I'll give you what you want," he said quietly, toying with her, hands still moving, never stopping as he claimed her by touch alone. "But first you say that you're mine."

Kagome didn't answer, but Shippou saw her fingers clench in the fabric of his red haori. Inuyasha growled again, trapping her under the weight of his body. His legs parted hers and Shippou felt his breath grow short in his chest as one of Inuyasha's hands grabbed her slim thigh and raised it over his hip. She moaned and reached for him, but he pushed her away, planting his hands on either side of her body.

"Tell me that you love me," he demanded, his eyes shining fiercely. His hair fell in wild tangles over his shoulders, hiding Kagome's face from Shippou's anxious eyes. "Say it, Kagome!"

When she still didn't answer him, only lie there with her eyes clenched shut and her lips trembling, Inuyasha leaned over her and captured her mouth in a brutal kiss. Shippou wanted to scream, he wanted to go in there and tear Inuyasha apart with his tiny claws. Fury like he'd never known engulfed him. Inuyasha didn't deserve to hear that, not at all!

He didn't deserve Kagome's love. He wasn't worthy, he was just a dirty hanyou who had tricked a girl into caring for him, tricked her and stolen a sacred jewel that made him into little more than a monster. A monster did not deserve someone as good and pure as Kagome, someone so kind and honest.

"I love you," her voice whispered into the gloom of the night.

Shippou dug his claws into the battered wood when he heard those words. They didn't sound forced or contrived, they weren't desperate or strained. Instead it was tender, gentle as Kagome herself, light as the breeze that stirred the wildflowers in summer. Her hands had risen again and this time she caressed his face, her pale fingers tracing the violet markings on his cheeks.

I love you. When had those three words ever had the power to gouge his heart, make his stomach roil in pain? Shippou shuddered, wishing he'd stayed in the village.

Inuyasha's expression changed, flickering from raw and angry lust to something more subtle and complex. He stared down at her, unmoving, until Kagome slowly dropped her hands, letting them fall limply at her sides as they looked at each other. Then he grinned at her, leaning back to untie his hakama and sliding them down his hips.

"I think you mean that," he said softly, pushing back her skirt.

Shippou couldn't take anymore; he was about to be sick. He turned away from the crack in the wall, covering his ears, as the sounds now coming from within grew loud. Tears leaked from his eyes when he heard Kagome cry out Inuyasha's name, her voice fading away to a ragged husk. Sickened, Shippou bolted away from the hut.

He was losing her. He was losing Kagome. Even if Inuyasha didn't kill her, he was destroying her just the same.

_**Present Day**_

"Is this some kind of joke?" Kagome demanded angrily.

Makiko smiled but didn't meet her eyes. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, miss."

Kagome pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed in frustration. It was a gesture that she had inherited from her mother. Although it suited her, she was fairly certain that her mother had never had anything like this to deal with. Of all the things she'd expected Sesshomaru to attack her with, clothing hadn't been high on her list.

When she'd finally gotten the strength to pick herself up off the floor, still shaking and nauseated from Miroku's enigmatic visit, she'd found the soft bundle of clothing that Makiko had left for her. Putting on the hakama was awkward; it had been years since she'd even thought about feudal garments and couldn't help but long for a pair of comfortable sweat pants to take their place. As she'd dressed herself and let the long full white sleeves slide over her wrists, something prickled at the back of her memory. She ignored it, thinking awkward, archaic clothing the least of her troubles.

Now she was angry, pushing away from Makiko as the woman smoothed her dark hair back over her ears and tied it with a single pale ribbon. Kagome knew damn well that she was being mocked and she didn't appreciate it.

"Is the clothing not to your liking?"

She didn't miss the hint of sarcasm in the youkai woman's tone. "You know damn well that it's not," Kagome shot back, fuming. "Why did you give me these of all things?"

Makiko smiled gently and turned away. "Sesshomaru-sama said that you were a priestess. It would be disrespectful of me to bring you anything less befitting to your station."

Station my ass, Kagome thought grimly. Crossing the room in a few angry strides, she grabbed the woman hard by the arm. "Don't patronize me," she ground out, fury coloring her tone. "I know what's going here, don't you tell me that fucking Sesshomaru..."

Makiko shrugged off her hand like she was a fly and slapped her lightly across the face. It hardly stung but Kagome got the impression that she was the unruly child being disciplined by a patient elder.

"Sesshomaru-sama, please. I beg you to remain respectful in this place. Now, will you kindly follow me? He does hate to be kept waiting."

Grumbling, Kagome felt even more the impudent child and managed to rein in her bad temper. Her sandals made a soft clatter on the smooth stone floors while Makiko's slippers were utterly soundless. Somehow, she would have expected an inuyoukai fortress to be bustling and full of noise. The passing servants and guards were quiet, nodding to Makiko and openly staring at her human companion. The walls of the place seemed smell of age and Kagome wondered how long this place had been in existence.

Her mind didn't want to focus on demons though, turning back time and again to Miroku. Obviously she was losing her grip on sanity if she was imagining the long dead monk to be visiting her. Although, she had to admit, it didn't surprise her that if Miroku was a ghost he was still lecherous enough to want to talk to her while she was naked.

And the hell she was going to tell anyone about the baby. It had been ten years and Kagome had learned how to avoid thinking of things that she'd rather not remember. Inuyasha. Her friends that had died. The miscarriage. She felt her jaw tighten at the very idea of telling him about it. Inuyasha didn't even remember her, like hell he'd give a damn that she had carried and lost his child. Like hell he'd care about the pain she had been through, what she had suffered all these years or how she'd had to pull herself out of a bottomless pit of despair and betrayal.

_Bastard_, she thought. He's been happy all these years, not remembering her or everything they'd been through. She resolved one thing. If she was able to get back to the real world, the one that didn't include psychotic demons, their brothers, lustful kitsune or poignant visits from perverted holy men, she was going to fill that well with concrete and never return to the country of her birth again.

"This way," Makiko said, guiding her to a small room. Kagome looked around expectantly, turning confused eyes to the woman when the room was empty.

"He's not here," she said flatly.

"You will wait," Makiko answered, sliding the door shut with a mere sketch of a bow.

Kagome's lip curled in irritation. _Damn it, Sesshomaru, what are you planning?_ She didn't know what she was going to say to him, or what he was going to ask. Somehow, she had to find a way to make him listen. From what she could tell, Inuyasha wouldn't help her voluntarily. That left his brother to be the one to convince him. She smiled faintly, going to a wide window and staring outside.

The hell she was going to let anyone intimidate her. It had been years and the sweet girl that she had been was long since dead, betrayed to death, her soul raped away piece by piece. What was left was the only Kagome Higurashi that survived. And she meant to keep surviving, whatever the cost.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

The rain had stopped some time ago, but still Shippou didn't know what to do. He wanted to go back to Kaede; he wanted to forget all about the little hut in the forest. Better to forget about Kagome and Inuyasha all together. What was the point, he was never going to win against Inuyasha.

"Better remember that, brat."

Shippou jumped, getting to his feet in a flash and preparing to run for his life. The demon was faster; he'd always been faster. Shippou squealed when a harsh hand clamped onto his tail and hoisted him into the air. Another hand came out of the darkness and stifled his frantic shrieks.

"Quiet," Inuyasha hissed, giving him a hard shake. Shippou went limp in his grasp; instinctively knowing that to struggle was only to invite pain. Inuyasha glared furiously at him, a dark and angry scowl on his face. Shippou swore he saw the demon's eyes glint red for a moment, then the hand was slowly removed from his mouth.

"If you scream again," Inuyasha warned, giving him a menacing shake. "I swear I'll snap your little neck. Got it?"

Shippou nodded, too afraid to do anything else. Inuyasha slowly sank to the ground, his grip on the kitsune's tail never easing even as the bigger demon set him carefully on his knee. He breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that Inuyasha wasn't going to kill him outright, not this time anyway.

"I've warned you about spying on me," the youkai said softly, still staring at him like a predator. Shippou held very still, his heart pounding frantically in his chest. He had been warned; Inuyasha had flatly told him to stay away from the hut. But like a fool, he couldn't help himself. He was every bit as drawn to protect Kagome as he'd ever been. Shippou had never dreamed that he'd miss the days when the worst thing he had to be afraid of was just Naraku.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Then why do you keep pushing me, stupid?" Inuyasha snarled. The hand on Shippou's tail flexed and for a crazy moment, the kitsune wondered what would happen if it was torn out. Would a tail grow back? Would he die from loss of blood from a wound like that?

"The only reason I've been putting up with you is because of her," Inuyasha told him coldly. "If it was up to me, I'd have drowned you in the river for being such a pain in my ass all this time. No matter how many times I saved your worthless hide, Shippou, you never stopped pushing me. Now you're gonna stop, understand?"

"How did you know..." Shippou began. Inuyasha cut him off with a brusque wave of his hand.

"I could smell you outside, nothing stinks like a wet fox." Shippou suddenly found himself dropped to the ground roughly and sat up to glare at the demon. He knew he'd be stupid to argue, be stupider still not to just run away back to the village as fast as his short legs would carry him.

It didn't matter, he decided. Anytime Inuyasha wanted him dead, that would be his time.

"You should know," Shippou retorted heatedly. "I don't stink worse than a wet dog like you. Why did you come after me?"

Inuyasha surprised him with a quick grin. "Yeah, I could have let you go. Better still, I could just drag you back with me and let her know that you were watching. How do you think that would make Kagome feel, to find out that you wanted to watch while I fucked her?"

Shippou flushed, backing away. "I just came out here to make sure she was okay," he said sullenly. "You leave her alone with nobody to protect her!"

"She's mine," Inuyasha growled. He leaned close to the defiant little fox, his eyes gleaming in the near darkness. "I do what I want with what belongs to me."

"She doesn't belong to you," the kitsune answered. "She's too good for you, she always has been."

Lazily, the demon leaned back, not threatening him in the slightest. He should have seen that for a warning, he should have known better, but Shippou was far too mad to care. He'd been choking back his feelings for weeks, watching as Inuyasha set about destroying her, the last person that loved them both. And she deserved so much better than either of them.

"Did you like what you saw, brat?" the demon asked him in a softly sarcastic tone. "Did you get off on it, did you pretend it was you instead of me on top of her? Or did your imagination fail you and that's why you had to run?"

Inuyasha's clawed hand shot out, grabbing Shippou painfully by the back of his hair. He refused to struggle, to let Inuyasha know he was hurting him. Instead he glared back with all the defiance he could muster even as the demon nailed words into his heart.

"How does it feel when you hear her scream for me when she comes? How does it feel to hear her say that she loves me and not you?"

If he could take him, oh if he could just take him! If he were offered a jewel shard at this very moment, he would accept it just to have a fair chance at beating in that arrogant, cruel face. But there was no more jewel, no shards to hunt. The family that he had found had been destroyed, the person he'd come to trust the most had betrayed him and even now worked to twist and warp the only truly good soul that Shippou had ever known.

"You don't even love her!" Shippou shouted, driven to fury.

He expected a backhand across the face, maybe worse. Instead, Inuyasha only stared at him, his face gone still and strange. Shippou was panting hard, fury and fear mixing his blood into a fevered cocktail of hurt. He wished was stronger, he wished he could find a way to escape with Kagome down that well of hers. Somewhere that Inuyasha would never be able to follow them, never hurt her, and never lie to her, to either of them, again.

"What do you know about it?" Inuyasha asked bitterly. He turned away from Shippou, looking up at the sky. The clouds had finally cleared and a few stars shone dimly. The kitsune stared at him, lost and confused by his abrupt change of manner.

"What?"

Inuyasha turned at him; the same bitter smile on his face. "What do you know about it, Shippou? You don't know a fucking thing about how I feel."

Staring, Shippou sat still on the ground as Inuyasha stood; brushing wet leaves off his legs with a distracted air. He was still smiling, but it was a hurting kind of smile, one that made Shippou cringe and feel cold inside. Questions he couldn't phrase raged within Shippou's mind. He wanted to ask Inuyasha what he felt; he wanted to know the truth. Just for once, he wanted some kind of honesty

He got it.

"One more thing," Inuyasha said, giving him a dark glance over his shoulder before he disappeared into the forest. "She does belong to me. If she tries to leave me, I swear by the gods I will kill her. And if you ever try to come between us, Shippou, I swear I will kill you as well. Remember that the next time you think about crossing me."

He would remember, Shippou knew. There was no way to forget. They would never again be friends or protect each other, there was nothing left between them but hatred. From this moment on, it became clear to Shippou what he had to do. Inuyasha was his enemy, worse than Naraku. He made Hiten and Manten look like amateurs at cruelty.

He had to do whatever it took to save Kagome from this. Even if it cost him his own life.

_**Present Day**_

"Human."

Kagome turned at the chill voice and took a deep breath. It seemed for a moment that every challenge she'd face, every sarcastic and bitter professor, every intransigent client had prepared her for this moment. She had never admitted it to anyone, but something about Sesshomaru scared her deep down in her soul. It wasn't in her nature to trust, not anymore, but Kagome could remember a time when she'd hoped for the best.

Ironically she'd also hoped that someday Inuyasha and his estranged brother would find a way to tolerate each other. She'd just never expected to be on the other end of the fight.

"Sesshomaru," she said, deliberately leaving out any honorific. Whatever he was, she wasn't one of his people. If she deferred to him now, she'd be placing herself in a subordinate role. Kagome had dealt with powerful men before, she knew how to flatter and she knew how to seduce to get what she wanted.

One glance into those cool golden eyes and she knew that neither of those tactics would work on him. She had to meet him as an equal, demand respect like he'd never considered anything else for her.

She could do this. Being torn to shreds by poison claws wasn't such a bad fate, Sesshomaru wasn't the one who'd betrayed her heart or made her give up so much of herself that she couldn't find all the pieces. No, it was his brother that did that and she had every intention of taking back what she'd left behind.

Sesshomaru cocked his head to the side, a bare expression of amusement on his perfect face. "You have aged."

"Yeah, we humans do that," she muttered. Glancing away from him to gather her thoughts, she wondered what it would be like to be almost immortal, to never age, to never be sick. She wondered what would have happened if she'd stayed, if Inuyasha would have eventually grown bored with tormenting her and simply let her go.

Maybe once she'd grown old enough that he no longer found her sexually appealing. Yes, then he would have had no use for her. Most likely he would have simply snapped her neck one night and moved on to some fresh, virginal girl to violate.

A cool finger brushed her cheek and turned her chin back to face him. Sesshomaru was standing much closer now; she hadn't even heard him move. His eyes gazed down at her, that calculating expression that she'd always detested. Those golden eyes judged everything they saw with inhuman precision and she had to steel herself to not flinch away from his touch.

"You have aged as your lesser kind does tend to do," he commented at last. "One did not expect that you would have matured into beauty."

She stood stock still, her heart pounding. She wasn't expecting anything like a compliment to have come from Sesshomaru. Not this infernal creature that detested humanity to the point where he saw them as insects hardly worthy of being crushed beneath his feet.

Kagome twisted her chin away from him, not wanting his hand on her. This was a youkai, she reminded herself. Not some human male that she could manipulate. "Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" she asked waspishly.

Sesshomaru raised an elegant eyebrow. "I assumed that you've come to finish your work and destroy my brother," he said lightly.

"Destroy your brother?" she asked, caught quite off guard. "I don't know what you're talking about." How could he assume that, she wondered. It had been the other way around.

"Do not play the fool with me, priestess," Sesshomaru answered in a soft and deadly tone. "I know that you are the one who nearly killed him. He told me so himself."

"What?" Kagome backed away from him, staring at the powerful daiyoukai. "Are you insane," she demanded. "He's the one that nearly killed me. He's a lying bastard if he said anything else!"

He moved like a blur and Kagome found herself up against a wall, the cold of the ancient stone seeping through her clothing and into her skin. A sharp claw pressed lightly against her throat, right above her jugular and Kagome swallowed hard.

This wasn't going well at all.

"You cannot lie to me," Sesshomaru said, and this time she could hear the disgust in his voice. "You seduced my brother, played to be his friend. I care not for his foolishness, but I will not tolerate your lies to me. It was you that used the jewel to transform him, was it not?"

Kagome stared right into those implacable eyes. "No. He's the one who lied to me. He was after the jewel for himself the entire time. Everything he ever said or did was a lie, just a means to his goal. I'm not lying to you."

He moved away, dropping his claws. Then he turned and slapped her lightly across the face. "Pathetic," he whispered. "Woman, you cannot deceive me. Nothing less than a curse from a priestess could have reduced him to madness, your poison jewel. You created a demon and you could not control it. Isn't that why you condemned him?"

Her cheek stung but Kagome was too angry to care. Damn him, Sesshomaru was still every bit the bastard that she remembered. Arrogant and lofty, full of youkai superiority. She could tell him the truth until her face turned blue but he wouldn't believe her. She was human and therefore worthless in his eyes.

"Your damn brother almost killed me," she ground out, facing him with all the fury of a betrayed and degraded soul. "He used the jewel himself, damn right he went insane from it. But it was still Inuyasha, he knew exactly what he was doing and he didn't give a damn how much he hurt me."

"He forced you then?" Sesshomaru asked, curiosity light in his eyes.

She clenched her teeth and refused to answer. Angrily, she twisted away from him, wrapping her arms around herself to hide the tremors that were beginning deep inside. "Did he tell you that?" she asked when she finally found her voice.

"Not in so many words." Kagome stared as Sesshomaru went to the window, looking out over his lands with disinterest.

"I found him wandering, fevered and insane," he said at last, his voice sounding like it was recalled out of some depths of memory. "He knew not who I was, nor anything else that had transpired since you freed him from the seal. I wished to know how this came to pass, so I spared his life. He was dying."

"Dying?" she asked, forgetting her fury. "Dying from what?"

Sesshomaru shrugged elegantly, a smooth, effortless gesture. "I know not. I care not either. Tenseiga was able to heal him somewhat, no doubt due to his now pure demon blood. I doubt if a hanyou would have survived in spite of the blade's power. Nor am I certain it could have restored him had he died. In any case it took him years to recover, but his memories have not yet returned."

"I figured that out on my own," she said harshly. "Better that he doesn't remember, I don't want him to remember. I don't even want to be here."

"You do not seek his life? A demon skilled in understanding such things was able to see into his mind. Did he not attack you, defile you? Are you not here for your revenge?"

Kagome considered his statement and almost smiled. It was so far beyond revenge that she couldn't even express it. Of course a vengeful youkai like Sesshomaru would have thought so, it would have been a primary motivation in his eyes. How could she ever explain that vengeance couldn't have driven her back here, that mere hatred wasn't strong enough to bring her to Inuyasha. It wasn't about getting even; there was no way for her to ever inflict the kind of damage he had done to her.

"I don't want revenge," she said quietly, calmly. Kagome raised her eyes to Sesshomaru's giving him a direct, but unchallenging stare. "I am only here by accident. My...country is very far away, I can't return without Inuyasha's assistance."

"Explain."

It was impossible to explain, Kagome thought wryly. "There is a well, not far from the tree where Inuyasha was sealed," she told him. "It is a portal of sorts, allowing me to pass from my land to this one." It didn't seem prudent to explain that it also allowed her to cross time, she didn't want to think of what a demon like Sesshomaru might use such knowledge for and she didn't want to find out.

"And now this way is closed to you," he stated, looking away from her like she had suddenly become less interesting. "How very tragic for you, human."

She stiffened at the light condescension in his tone. "It is tragic," she snapped. "Tragic that I have to be stuck here, where I don't want to be. Believe me, I never wanted to lay eyes on him again. How would you, great youkai lord, feel if the only one that could help you return to your homeland was also the one you hated the most?"

"I would be displeased," he answered her, expressionless as ever. "Are you trying to tell me that only Inuyasha can assist you?"

Kagome nodded, fixing him with her eyes even though he seemed to be more interested in a minute piece of dust on his windowsill. "He's the only one that could ever pass through the well. I am asking you to convince him to help me."

Sesshomaru turned back to her, the ghost of a sneer crossing his face. "You are nothing to me," he said coolly. "I only wished an answer for my mystery. Now that you have provided some enlightenment on the subject, I feel that you should leave this fortress. Leave youkai to their own affairs, my brother is no longer part of your world. I see no reason for him to do anything to aid a human."

Her breath hissed between her teeth. "I should have expected you to say that," she muttered. "You're still every bit the selfish bastard. You never gave a damn about Inuyasha, not for his entire life. You make me sick, Sesshomaru. Not because you won't help me, but because you're a hypocritical, condescending son of a bitch!"

"If you wish to die now," he said, his voice going still and deadly as greenish energy flowed from his fingertips. "You need only ask."

"I'm asking you to for once show some kind of honor!" she shouted, driven to supreme irritation by his intransigence. She was going to die anyway, Kagome decided that she would rather die shouting, not meekly cowering and pleading for her life.

To her surprise, his expression flickered and he lowered his hand. "Honor? Humans know nothing of honor. You slaughter each other pointlessly, live like squalid beasts. What do you care for honor, woman?"

"I don't," she said sharply. Kagome stepped forward, meeting Sesshomaru head on. "I care about getting home, I care about getting back to where I belong. I curse the day I ever met your brother. But he owes me, damn it, for what I've been through."

His lip twisted in contempt. "Why should I help you?" he asked derisively.

Kagome met his gaze, unwaveringly resolute. "You know what he did to me. He was a beast, not a youkai or a hanyou, but a beast. And considering that beast is your own brother, I'd say you have a rather large obligation."

Something in his expression shifted and he turned away from her, heading for the door. Kagome held her breath when Sesshomaru stopped suddenly and flung a hateful look back at her.

"I will consider it."

As soon as he'd left, Kagome had to lean against the wall because her legs were no longer able to support her. It wasn't a victory, but it wasn't outright defeat. She guessed that it was the best she could have hoped for. After all, she was still alive.

Breathing deeply against the panic that wanted to burst from her chest, Kagome decided that she really needed to lie down. She had tried to pay attention when Makiko had led her here and thought there was a good chance that she could get back to her room on her own. She didn't want to see any more demons; even the sight of Shippou's face would have sent her into hysterics. Exhaustion or the crash of adrenaline was making her dizzy and she could just imagine Sesshomaru's cold amusement if she passed out in one of his elegant hallways.

Kagome left the room, turning right and heading down the passage. Her mind was still buzzing, her nerves frayed to breaking. She had done it, she knew it. She had too much experience in the courtroom to not know when she'd made her case. A thousand stony faced judges couldn't have prepared her for this, all of her determination seemed to have been used up in trying to survive Sesshomaru's strange interview.

For strange it had been, he'd been fishing for answers and she'd dangled the bait. And somehow, at the end, she'd managed to find a crack in that impassive armor. Honor. She smiled to herself, amused at his vanity. Demons did have their pride.

She thought it was the second passage, no maybe the third. Her mind was still a bit befuddled and Kagome thought for a moment that she might have indeed played herself as a fool. Wouldn't it be amusing to get lost in a fortress full of demons? She didn't think so.

Turning the corner, she nearly ran into him. Kagome stopped suddenly and rocked back on her heels, backing away as she did so. It was instinct and her instincts didn't lead her wrong. When she'd abandoned everything else, Kagome had learned to trust in those instincts, trust that inner strength that she'd attained by being every bit as ruthless and single minded as a demon herself.

But that strength quailed when she looked at Inuyasha. His long sweep of white hair fell over his shoulder, his chin lifted in a jerk when he saw her. And once again, time stopped and Kagome found herself frozen in his eyes like a frightened rabbit before the hound.

Sudden recognition flooded those golden eyes and she recollected that he probably hadn't a good look at her before. She'd been filthy, covered in blood and dirt and reeking of a demon's death. She had just been an anonymous human to him, a bitch with a nasty temper and a vicious kick, but now she saw his eyes picking over her. His gaze clung hotly to her face, over her breasts that were clad in white, down her legs clad in crimson.

His nostrils dilated as he took in her scent and his eyes widened in sudden, hateful recognition.

Kagome found herself suddenly flung hard against the wall, cracking the back of her skull sharply against the stone. Inuyasha's face was a mask of pure fury, unforgiving hate and his hand clenched around her throat as he pinned her until she couldn't draw a breath.

"You," he hissed. "It's you. I'll kill you, bitch!"


	14. Fourteen

Possession 14

_**Present Day **_

Kagome found herself flung hard against the wall, cracking the back of her skull sharply against the stone. Inuyasha's face was a mask of pure fury, unforgiving hatred, and his hand clenched around her throat as he pinned her until she couldn't draw a breath.

"You," he hissed. "It's you. I'll kill you, bitch!"

Her worst nightmare had come to life and was holding her fast. Kagome struggled weakly in his grasp, trying to get air. He was crushing her throat and when she looked in his eyes, she understood he knew exactly what he was doing. There was no madness held in those golden eyes anymore, no indecision, no sign of the boy he had been. Instead an angry youkai held her with an unrelenting grip, his claws digging into the sides of her neck.

This was not how she'd imagined she would die.

"Answer me, you fucking bitch," Inuyasha snarled, his voice gone dark and deadly. "Why do you look so much like Kikyou, why are you dressed exactly like a priestess? Tell me now or I swear I'm going to break your fucking neck."

Her eyes were swimming red and she felt the tears that were helplessly falling down her cheeks. Tears of pain, of fury, the bitterness of old regret. His hold on her eased fractionally; he must have realized she'd never be able to answer if he crushed her windpipe. In that faint second before her vision would have gone forever dim, she was able to find enough air left in her tortured lungs to husk the answer.

"Ask your goddamn brother."

She fully expected he'd crush her for that, but damned if she was going to cry, much less beg him to release her. No, her eyes were still full of tears but she met his angry gaze with one every bit as filled with hatred and old pain. Inuyasha stared at her, his brows drawn in a ferocious scowl and suddenly he released her. He pulled his hand away from her throat and stepped back with fury written in the tension of his jaw.

Kagome coughed, her own hands going gingerly to her neck. She felt the tender flesh and wondered if she'd be wearing his fingerprints on her throat. The demon was still waiting, arms folded and impatience burning, allowing her time to form a more suitable reply. When she didn't, he growled menacingly and leaned against wall, threatening her with his very nearness.

"Tell me, human. You look like the bitch, only a little older than the last time I saw her."

Kagome's hands balled into fists, aching to beat that threat off his face. The days when Inuyasha thought her could bully her were long gone, she wasn't the naive child she had been when she first went down the well, not anymore than she was the weak and broken woman that had climbed out of that same well ten years ago.

"Does it bother you that I look like Kikyou?" she asked sarcastically. "I'm so sorry, I'm not a priestess like she was, Inuyasha. If I were, I'd have made sure you could never be awakened. I would have made sure that you stayed dead."

He grinned at her unpleasantly. "As long as we understand each other," he said, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You hate me as much as I hate her, don't you? Why?"

Smiling back at him with a smile that tasted bitter on her lips, Kagome raised her hand to brush the hair from her eyes. "Maybe I'm her reincarnation," she whispered. "Maybe I've returned to finish her work."

Surprisingly, she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. "You don't have to," he muttered, turning away from her. "She already killed me once, that was enough. I don't need your face to remind me that the person I loved betrayed me."

For a second, she believed him. Her heart wanted to comfort him and Kagome was appalled. That he was still so ...hurt... over it surprised her, touched her. Sesshomaru had obviously never enlightened his brother regarding what had happened and Kagome wondered if the youkai lord even knew the true circumstances of Naraku's manipulation. She couldn't be sure and almost she opened her mouth to explain.

Inuyasha glanced back at her, a twist to his lips that she remembered all too well. "Even if you were a priestess, I doubt you could hurt me, bitch. You'd just be a pitiful imitation of her anyway."

Kagome's mouth dropped open slightly, stung beyond words. Ironic that even without remembering her, he could still hurt her. He knew it too; she could tell by the way he smirked before he turned away, confident that he'd put her in her place. Kagome recovered quickly from the unexpected insult and found herself screaming the words before she even thought about it.

"You're the one who was pitiful. Maybe she didn't trust you or she could just see you for what you really were. You were only after the jewel, right? Just like any other stupid demon. She wanted you to become human because she'd have never let you touch her otherwise. A pure, beautiful priestess and a lowly half-breed, that would have really been pitiful!"

Her angry words were a miscalculation; in her fury she had forgotten why she was really here, what he truly was. It was just the pain of what he'd said still cut so deep, everything she'd suffered at his hands in some way tied back to Kikyou, to the woman he'd truly loved. And he'd never loved her, Kagome, at all.

She screamed and clawed at him when he grabbed her shoulders and slammed her into the wall again. "You'll pay for that," he snarled, his claws shredding the pristine white fabric of her kosode. "I'll make you pay!"

"Let me go!" Kagome tried to kick him but this time he was expecting it and turned his hips away before her knee could catch him. He wrenched her wrists back and held them against the wall, grinning at how easy it was to overpower a simple mortal.

"If you were a real priestess, you might be able to do something against a youkai. But you're just a mouthy bitch who knows too much about me and I don't give a damn about why. I don't even give a damn why you look so much like Kikyou."

Inuyasha leaned close, sniffing at her. "You even kinda smell like she did," he muttered thickly. "You're right about one thing; a priestess like Kikyou never would have let a demon touch her. But you aren't her, whatever you're playing at. That's fine with me, I can play too."

"You disgust me," she snarled, almost spitting the words.

He smiled widely, showing his fangs. "Good. That will make it interesting." Before she could react and avoid him, he crushed his body against hers and covered her mouth with a bruising kiss. Kagome's jaws clenched tight against his tongue, trying to twist her face away from his, but it was no use. He always knew exactly how to get what he wanted from her.

Inuyasha broke the kiss suddenly, dropping his hands and staring at her. "Why do you taste so familiar?" he whispered, his expression guarded.

Kagome slapped him as hard as she could, wishing that she had a demon's strength behind her blow. Inuyasha reached up and touched his cheek.

"I guess I deserved that," he said, the strange bitter smile again forming on his face.

"You deserve worse," she spat, her eyes flaming with rage. "But that's all you're going to get from me, bastard."

Furious, she shoved past him, not caring where she went from here, not even caring if she ever got home. She had to leave, she had to get away from him before...

Inuyasha caught her arm and spun her into his embrace. "Remember, it was you that kissed me first in the forest." He brushed her hair away from her face gently, letting his fingers caress her cheek. Kagome pushed at him, tried to kick and rake the hard edge of her sandal down his leg. He held her easily, not hurting her as she fought against him until she sagged in his grip with her head bowed.

"Let me go," she said in a dull, heartsick voice.

"Not yet," he whispered, his eyes lighting strangely in the dimness of the passage. "I paid you back for the kiss, but you still owe me for that kick." Then he kissed her again, soft and gentle, barely brushing her lips and Kagome felt that she had certainly lost her mind because she was kissing him back.

Her lips opened under his and Inuyasha slipped his tongue inside, probing deeply as she returned his kiss. Suddenly everything was on fire, her blood was burning in her veins and she forgot for a moment that she hated him, how much he'd hurt her. With a soft growl, he pressed her back against the wall, kissing her much more aggressively. He explored the contours of her mouth, running his tongue teasingly over hers in a gentle caress. Kagome felt her knees giving way as he nibbled at her lips and lowered his mouth to her neck.

This was so wrong, it was horrifying to her that it was Inuyasha who was now sucking gently at her skin, running his hands over her hips in a slow exploration that made her ache inside. Kagome put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, a tiny whine of desire forming in the back of her throat. Her body still responded to him, oh God help her, it remembered him and it wanted him.

She wanted him…and loathed herself for being so weak.

His hand cupped her breast, his face nuzzled against her chest and she could feel his breath sliding over her skin, hot and raw like an unhealed wound.

_No_, a tiny voice whispered in her mind.

_Yes_, her body answered, demanding more as it responded to his touch.

It's because of Kikyou, the little voice reminded her. She's the one he always wanted, she's the one he couldn't have. You're the copy; you're the one he fucked while thinking of her. That's all. You were never anything else to him.

_You would have done it for Kikyou._

_I was in love with Kikyou_.

"Stop," she whispered, pushing at his shoulders. She needed to breathe, she needed to think, and she needed to get the hell away from him before she did something really stupid. Something that would complicate things even more, something that she would never be able to live with. "Inuyasha, stop."

He didn't stop, instead he pushed hard against her, his claws digging into the flesh of her buttocks as he ground her body into his. His tongue was rough against the sensitized skin of her throat, a low, rumbling growl echoing in his chest. He didn't seem to hear her, didn't seem to care as she started to fight him again, trying to squirm from his hold. The muscles of his shoulders were hard as iron under her palms and Kagome felt panic beginning to flood her body, covering the traces of desire that had been building.

His caresses were rougher now, harsh as he fumbled for the bindings of her hakama, working his hands under her clothing. Kagome struggled against his greater strength, feeling like a bird caught in the claws of a predator. She had always been weak against him, helpless. How many times did he get to hurt her, force her body to betray her soul and walk away with no concern for what he'd done?

Burning anger filled her, hardening her heart the way soft clay hardens in the ashes of a fire. Kagome dug her fingers into him and shoved at him with all of the strength she had.

"I said STOP!"

A flash of brilliant light blinded them both, filling the dim passage with an eerie glow before it faded. Kagome staggered as the energy burst through her and sent Inuyasha sprawling. Suddenly weak, she fell to her knees and leaned heavily against the wall. Kagome looked down at her shaking hands, hints of light and power still spiraling around her fingertips.

Across from her, Inuyasha sat up, shaking his head like he was trying to clear it. She noticed that there was a thin trickle of blood on his chin and realized that he'd probably bitten his lip when he'd been thrown back. She felt a certain fascination as she stared at the crimson dripping down his chin.

_I did that_, she thought, her mind still fuzzy and indistinct.

Good, it serves the bastard right. She was powerful, powerful enough to bring him to his knees. The fact that she hadn't meant to do it, hadn't known that she was summoning the energy from deep within herself didn't matter. She had finally been able to make him stop.

Smiling triumphantly, she stood to glower down at the youkai before her. He looked weak, disoriented, and his eyes were unfocused and confused. Kagome planted her hands on her hips and tossed back her hair. She was going to enjoy this.

"I told you to stop," she sneered, wanting to rub it into his thick skull. She could resist him, she could fight him. There was no way that Inuyasha would be able to make her his victim, his helpless lover, ever again.

He was shaking, she realized, enjoying his pain even more. Maybe he was remembering Kikyou even more now, remembering the power that the priestess had wielded. There was a reason she had been the one entrusted to guard the jewel against youkai like Inuyasha. For once, Kagome thought smugly, she didn't consider it a bad thing to be the reincarnation of the legendary priestess.

Inuyasha was still crouched on the floor, breathing hard. Kagome wondered if she'd really injured him and decided that she hoped it was so. If she'd burned him with her power, it was his own damned fault. How many times had he burned her with his touch, with his kisses? How many times had he scorched her with his words, made her wither like a dying flower under his contempt? She'd lived the last ten years of her life wanting this moment of victory over him. She supposed that if she were intelligent, she'd simply walk away in dignity. Some wounds went too deep for that.

"Look at you," she said, disgust filling her voice. "Brought down by a woman once again. You never were very smart, Inuyasha. The jewel might have brought you power, but inside you're still the same stupid bastard that you always were."

His hair had fallen over his face and he still hadn't answered her, but she saw that his claws were digging into the stone, gouging the smooth surface of the floor. It made Kagome uneasy and all of her delight over her impromptu victory faded away like a snowflake would melt from a warm breath of a whisper.

He laughed, startling her as the sound was dark and thick, forced up from the depths of his chest. It made her hair stand up on her scalp, it made her stomach tighten. Inuyasha continued to laugh, slowly getting to his feet with his head still down so that she couldn't see his expression.

Kagome started to back away from him, knowing deep in her heart that even her powers of purification might fail her now. Those same instincts, ones she had inherited from Kikyou's tormented soul or just her own well-nurtured sense of survival, warned her to run from him now. Inuyasha had raised his head. His eyes glowed with red malevolence and he licked his lips in anticipation.

"You stupid bitch," he muttered in a voice masked with darkness. An aura of immense power was pouring off of him, hanging in the air with angry waves of pure hatred. "Now you've really pissed me off."

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

Rin was by nature a rather curious young girl. Having died by the jaws of a wolf and then been revived by a youkai's blade would make even the most levelheaded child feel invincible. Rin still missed her family, especially her mother, but she thought about it less each day. She had too many other things to think about. It had been nearly two years since she'd met Sesshomaru-sama and Rin had seen more than any other human child could imagine.

The youkai of the fortress where she lived had learned that their lord was exceptionally tolerant of his young ward. Most were polite to her, but it didn't make her life any less lonely. She still had Jaken, but he was more of a harassed babysitter than a true companion. Makiko, head of the household's staff, cared for her as well as any mother could, but she was not a friend, not a playmate.

And that was what Rin craved.

The children of the fortress weren't allowed to play with her. Sesshomaru-sama had explained that young dog demons had very little self-restraint and no sense of their own strength. Her human skin was fragile and while Tenseiga could certainly heal her wounds, she would still experience the pain if they were to accidentally injure her.

And, Sesshomaru had added, he would certainly hate to have to execute a child's parents because their offspring had not followed his directions.

So Rin didn't like it when she was left in the fortress, she preferred to be with her Sesshomaru-sama whenever possible. Ever since Naraku had been defeated, he had lost interest in matters outside the youkai world. He was often gone from the fortress to meet with his people; his clanlords and their territories were under his domain.

Rin didn't know much of politics, but she understood that her lord had let many of his duties fall to the side in his single-minded pursuit of vengeance. A few of the times he visited one of his territories, it had been to dispatch with an unruly vassal that had balked at his return to command.

There had been considerable excitement in the fortress for the past few weeks. Everywhere Rin went, people were whispering about the lord's brother and how he'd at long last returned to his father's lands. They also whispered that he was no longer a hanyou, but a full demon, possibly daiyoukai like Sesshomaru-sama. Rin didn't care one way or another about him being a hanyou or a full demon. But she was curious about him just the same.

Which was why she now found herself outside his room, her heart beating fast in her chest. She hadn't been forbidden. No one had told her to stay away from here. Rin swallowed hard and raised her hand to knock on the door. She tapped lightly and waited. And waited. There was no answer.

Just as she was getting ready to turn away and leave, she heard the sound of movement from the other side of the door and it slid open a crack. "What do you want?" he asked suspiciously.

Rin smiled widely at him. "I came to see how you were feeling, Inuyasha-sama."

The door opened wider and he stared down at her. "You're human."

Rin laughed at that. She didn't remember Sesshomaru-sama's brother as being funny. "I've always been human, you know that!"

The golden eyes clouded over for a moment and the young youkai leaned against the wall. His expression was sad, Rin thought, wondering what made him look like that.

"Are you ill?" she asked nervously. "Should I tell Makiko-san?"

He shook his head and walked away, leaving the door open. Rin took it as an invitation to enter and followed him. Inuyasha crossed the room and plopped down heavily on the futon, resting his chin in his hand. The young girl went to his side and sat down, also resting her chin on her palm in imitation.

He glanced over at her. "Do I know who you are?" he asked quietly.

Rin stared at him. "I think so," she answered at last. "I've seen you a few times before, but you didn't have purple stripes on your cheeks. Don't you remember me?"

"I don't remember anything," Inuyasha said bitterly, turning away from her and looking out the window.

"Nothing at all?" Rin burst out, fascinated.

"No."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Inuyasha looking out the window and Rin twisting her kimono between her fingers. She hated silence; she hated even more not knowing what to say. If he didn't remember anything, he'd forgotten about his friends, just as she'd overhead Makiko saying. She'd also overheard that Sesshomaru-sama had insisted his brother not be told of them.

She supposed that meant that she shouldn't talk to him, but she couldn't help it. She'd have felt sorry for anyone who looked that sad.

Inuyasha looked up as the young girl got to her feet and held out her hand. "Do you want to be friends?" she asked cheerfully.

He frowned. "Why do you want to be friends with me?"

Rin shrugged, still smiling at him. "You're lonely. So am I, maybe if we decide to be friends, neither of us will have to be lonely. We can play together."

She thought he'd probably turn away, tell her to leave. Instead, he scowled at the floor for a few moments longer before reaching up to take her hand. "Okay, kid," he said, but the sadness in his eyes didn't lift. "We can be friends. This place is supposed to be my father's ancestral home, but I don't know it. Would you want to show me around?"

Rin nodded. She decided in that minute that she would find a way to make him look not so sad. He reminded her more of Sesshomaru-sama now, only sad and vulnerable as her Sesshomaru-sama would never let anyone see.

If they could be friends, maybe she could teach him how to smile again.

Present Day

She didn't hesitate. She ran for her life.

Kagome's sandals skidded on the smooth stone floor, clattering loudly as she tried to outrun the raging demon behind her. Frustrated, she yanked them off and hurled them into his face as he came at her. Inuyasha snarled and swatted them away before they could strike him and Kagome just kept running.

He was going to kill her, she could clearly see herself as she bled to death on Sesshomaru's clean floors. She turned a corner, trying to throw him off her trail as she ran, her heart pumping vigorously as she lengthened her stride. There had to be someone around here that would be able to help her, surely Sesshomaru wouldn't want her to be torn apart by his brother's claws without his express orders?

As she ducked into a dark passage, Kagome pressed her back against the wall and held her breath. She couldn't hear him anymore. It didn't make sense; surely he'd be able to catch her scent and follow her? But she heard nothing but the pounding of her pulse in her ears and her own harsh breathing.

_Stupid to try to outrun him_, she thought bitterly. What chance did she have, a human, against a monster like that?

"That's right," he snarled, grabbing her by the neck and flinging her against the wall. "You shouldn't have run."

She clawed at him, snarling like a demon herself and Inuyasha pinned her easily. Kagome dug her hands into his shoulders and tried to find the power that had welled from deep inside her to defend herself before she died at his hands.

Nothing happened. When it really counted, her spiritual abilities had always failed her. She'd failed to keep Inuyasha from using the jewel, failed to keep him from turning into a monster. She was certain that Kikyou wouldn't have failed and bitterness swam within her heart at the thought.

Kikyou would have been smart enough not to get herself murdered by her former lover.

Inuyasha growled, the menacing sound echoing in her ears and his grip shifted, moving from her shoulders to her waist and tearing at the ties of her hakama. Fury filled her and Kagome struggled hard, kicking, scratching and biting at him in any way she could. She couldn't stop him but the days of her passive acceptance were long gone.

"Damn it, bitch," he muttered, surging against her and stopping her struggles by crushing his body against hers. "I've got an old score to settle with Kikyou," he hissed angrily, taking her face in his claws. "I'm going to settle it on you instead."

Her eyes glittered back at him without fear. "Go on," she answered, her voice dripping with hatred. "Rape me like the animal you are, you're a monster, a disgusting demon that doesn't deserve to live. You're no better than Naraku!"

His hand clenched in her hair, wrenching her head back so he could attack her throat. "Who the fuck is Naraku?" he growled as he ran his tongue down to explore the valley between her breasts.

"He's the demon that killed Kikyou," she answered, hoping the information would distract him. It did. Inuyasha pulled away and stared down at her.

"Killed Kikyou?" he said, a faint smile forming on his face. "Good for him, that bitch needed killing."

Kagome tilted her face back so she could meet his angry, golden eyes. "You didn't think that when you killed him," she spat. "You hunted him for two years because of it."

His hands ground into her arms and Kagome cried out involuntarily. "You're lying, bitch," he snarled. "You're trying to confuse me."

"I have no reason to lie," she snapped, pushing at him. He grinned at her with pure malice and a dark lust that made her blood run cold.

"No?" He ran his hands down her body and buried his face in her chest again. "I think you're full of lies," he whispered. "Just like Kikyou."

"I am not like Kikyou!" she shouted, hitting him as hard as she could. Her small fists pounded against his back as he covered her mouth with his own, cutting off her desperate cries. She could feel anger pouring off of him, angry lust and fury. It sickened her, just as it had sickened her ten years earlier. She wondered how the person that she had cared so much for could be so changed.

But hadn't he lied to her, hadn't he only pretended to ever give a damn about anything but the jewel?

Kagome was furious at herself, feeling her throat tighten as he lifted her against the wall. She protested weakly, trying to fight him as the despair overwhelmed her. He ignored her struggles, grinding his hips into hers and shoving his knee between hers to part her legs. It was going to happen, there was nothing she could do to stop him this time.

"They say a priestess has to be pure to keep her spiritual powers," he hissed into her ear as his hands tore at the sturdy fabric of her hakama, trying to part it so he could slide between her legs. "You're going to be as impure as a hard fuck can make you."

Kagome turned her head away, disgusted. "Bastard," she whispered. Ten years later and she still bore the scars upon her heart. Ten years later and even without his memory, without any recollection of their history, still the only thing he wanted was to hurt her even more. She was drowning in the memories, suffocating from his kisses. He'd nearly destroyed her once, it seemed now he was going to finish what he'd started before she'd escaped.

"Inuyasha-sama?"

They both jumped at the sound of a voice and Kagome's heart turned over in relief. Inuyasha glared at her and turned towards the shadowy figure at the end of the corridor.

"Go away, Jano," he barked, his claws digging into Kagome's thighs. "I'm busy."

The stranger laughed and moved closer. "So I see," he said genially, peering with interest at Kagome. She glowered back at him, despising him for being amused with her near violation. Bastard demons, they were all the same. Human women were nothing, less than nothing to them; she could read it in his face.

"Your brother is searching for you, Inuyasha-sama," the demon said, bowing mockingly at him. A long sweep of dark hair fell over his shoulder and his eyes twinkled in amusement. "He wishes you to come to him at once."

"Tell him you couldn't find me," Inuyasha grunted, not wanting to release his prize. Kagome held her breath as the inuyoukai hesitated, almost turning away and leaving them.

"I can't do that," he murmured, catching her gaze again. To her surprise, his expression was full of pity. For her. "Sesshomaru-sama is my lord and I would never knowingly lie to him. If you wish, I will tell him that you will report to him when you've finished with the human."

Inuyasha swore viciously and thrust her away from her, shoving her at Jano so hard that she would have fallen if the youkai hadn't caught her.

"I'll go," he snarled, catching her eyes as he left. "This isn't over, bitch."

Kagome felt her legs go weak and sagged, forgetting that it was another demon that supported her as Inuyasha's angry footfalls faded away. Her hands were trembling, it had been so close, so close that all the horrible memories she'd worked years to forget flooded to the surface.

_Inuyasha in a rage, screaming at her as he was about to kill her_...

_Inuyasha towering over her, threatening her family_...

_Inuyasha burying himself inside her, her voice crying his name as he made her want him, hate herself, forget how to live without him_...

Where was the strong person she'd become, the woman who knew no fear? Where was the woman who had ruthlessly driven herself to success, clawed her way out of the pit of ruin and despair and moved on, forgetting him, forgetting how to need anyone? The woman who relied on herself and no one else, who wouldn't be made vulnerable, who couldn't be hurt?

It seemed she'd been left on the other side of the well.

oOo

"You want me to do what?" Inuyasha bellowed, startled by his brother's request. Sesshomaru gave him a sour glance, a wry twist of amusement on his lips.

"I have my reasons for conceding to her request," the daiyoukai lord replied. His brother was fuming, that much was plain. Sesshomaru reflected that seeing the woman dressed as a priestess might have triggered a reaction inside his brother. He'd half hoped it would, wondering if the sight of the woman who so resembled the long dead Kikyou might have restored some of Inuyasha's missing memories.

Inuyasha scowled at the floor, not meeting Sesshomaru's eyes. "I don't want to help that bitch," he muttered, picking at a loose thread hanging from his sleeve. The woman had fought like hell to get away from him. Now that his temper had cooled and he wasn't looking at her face, Kikyou's face, he was horrified at what he'd nearly done to her. He didn't need to force human women to his bed; he had his choice of available youkai females. She had every right to be disgusted by him.

Hell, he was disgusted with himself

"Inuyasha." He raised his eyes and looked at his brother, embarrassed as if Sesshomaru could look into his mind and see what had happened. Sesshomaru's expression was neutral as ever, no recrimination in his tone or censure for his brother's behavior.

"You will do this because I ask it, not because it will help her," the youkai lord said smoothly. He moved forward and rested his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder, a rare touch of affection from the cool mannered demon. "I do not have to tell you about the concerns I have for the borders of this territory, little brother."

Inuyasha scratched his head absently, confused. "What does that have to do with her?"

"Perhaps nothing," Sesshomaru murmured. He glanced away from his brother, his gaze going to the wide window. Outside, his people moved about their duties, unconcerned for what troubled their lord. "Perhaps her return is part of someone's larger plan. A priestess of power would mean a great deal to the human armies that mass against youkai territories."

Inuyasha snorted. "Those idiots? Every time they've so much as put a toe over the border we've beaten them back. It's hardly worth the effort."

"True," Sesshomaru answered. "They've resorted to less open methods, little brother. Instead of meeting us in battle, they slip between the borders and attack without warning. I've lost no few men and the clanlords are becoming restless as their holdings are destroyed while we do nothing."

"We've done everything we can," Inuyasha replied hotly, his face darkening with anger. "If that stupid ass Kouga can't police his own territory from a few ragtag humans, we should have taken his territory from him by force!"

Sesshomaru smiled faintly, amused by his brother. "You do not understand diplomacy, Inuyasha. You are too quick to make enemies and go to war. While I have no use for the wolf demon tribes, they provide something of a buffer between our lands and the east. I would prefer that Kouga-sama had to deal with the stragglers in between."

Inuyasha didn't miss the hint of sarcasm in his brother's voice when he said Kouga's name or the mocking way he drew out the honorific. His grin turned bloodthirsty.

"And when the wolf tribe has been decimated by the attacks?" he asked hopefully.

Sesshomaru shrugged elegantly, turning away. "That is not our concern, our treaty with them states that we will work together to secure the borders and that remains my chief concern. I do not think it random fate that has brought this woman to us."

He watched his brother stalk slowly to the other side of the room. Sesshomaru's face was utterly smooth, calm and relaxed, but Inuyasha could tell that his brother was agitated. "Do you think that Kouga is plotting against us?" Inuyasha asked quietly. "That kitsune of his just happens to show up with her, defends her like she belongs to him but she says she doesn't."

Sesshomaru brushed a bit of nonexistent lint from the silk of his sash. "You have a suspicious mind, little brother," he commented. "I am uncertain if the wolf would be foolish enough to ally himself with humans against us. Her story is that she's here by accident and it is her prior association with you that brings her here for assistance."

"With me?" he scratched his head, feeling the odd and uneasy feeling that he'd come to expect when he encountered one of the holes in his memory. It was no use, when he thought of the woman's face; there was a howling darkness behind it that made no sense.

Inuyasha felt like he could fall into that darkness, drown and never come up. It was part of the reason he'd reacted so violently to her, so aggressively. Something about her unsettled him, made the hair on the back on his neck stand straight up. Part of him wanted her, she was beautiful and she resembled the woman he could never have. Another part of him screamed to get away from her and never look back.

Some things he didn't want to remember.

Sesshomaru watched the conflicting emotions crossing his younger brother's face and smiled to himself bitterly. How ironic after so many years of being enemies, they had become brothers. He had come to trust Inuyasha as much as he trusted Jano and that was something he'd never expected. With the loss of memory had come the opportunity for them to build a new relationship, one that didn't include resentment and bitterness. For them both, the Tessaiga was useless and for Sesshomaru...even Tenseiga had its limitations.

"I want you to accompany her," Sesshomaru said at last, holding his brother's gaze. "Do as she asks, let her lead you to this well that may open a path for you to move between her country and ours. She has always been a strange creature, even for a human priestess, and a mystery even to me."

His brother hesitated, and then smiled coldly. "Perhaps there is something you can learn along the way about the humans that have been attacking our lands. There is some demonic power behind them, I am sure. This is not the work of simple brigands, Inuyasha. There is a darker power at work. I wish to determine if the priestess is part of some greater plot."

Inuyasha folded his arms, meeting his brother's serious manner with one of his own. "And if this well of hers doesn't open? Just what should I do with her then, her and that damn kitsune that hates my guts almost as much as she does?"

Sesshomaru nodded to his brother, his tone as unemotional as ever. "If her story is false," he said, gazing out the window at his territory, "you know what to do."

"Kill them both."


	15. Fifteen

Possession 15

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

When he awoke, he couldn't remember what had happened to him. Shippou knew that he hurt, he hurt so badly he could hardly stand it, but he was so disoriented that he couldn't remember why. Then with a rush, it all came back to him.

Inuyasha. Kagome. The well.

Did she escape?

Or would he find her lifeless body sprawled next to the well, her pretty eyes staring sightlessly for once last glimpse of the demon she had loved.

Sick and cold, he tried to move, finding new places that ached and hurt as well. His body was so stiff he felt like a puppet that had been cut from its strings. His head hurt the worst of all and when he put his fingers to his face they came away covered in crusted blood. He made himself move anyway, ignoring the pain and the way his stomach churned inside him. Shippou needed to know. He needed to know even if the worst had happened and his Kagome was no more.

The kitsune staggered a bit as he made his way over to the well, wincing with every single step. His eyes kept wandering in and out of focus, his heartbeat sounded unnaturally loud. He wondered how long he'd been unconscious, he had a feeling it had been some time. Inuyasha had damned near killed him with that last blow, had hit him so hard his skull might have shattered.

Shippou supposed that it might not be a bad thing to be so thick skulled that he could survive a killing blow from an enraged dog demon.

He didn't mind at all that he could have been killed. It was enough for him to know that she'd be forever safe from that monster. Kaede had told him about Kagome's plan to seal the well. Kitsune didn't normally pray to gods or spirits, but he'd gotten down on his knees next to the elderly priestess and prayed as hard as he could that this time, Inuyasha wouldn't be able to bring her back.

As he carefully approached the well, Shippou's heart was hammering in his chest. He wanted to believe that the seals would hold, he wanted to believe it with all of his soul. But he had to look; he had to make sure. If he looked into that dark, mysterious well and saw her broken and torn body lying there, he didn't know what he'd do. He'd probably go crazy himself, crazy as Inuyasha and the twisted horror that had become his life.

Shippou could see the paper sutras lying on the edges of the well. He'd been spying when Kagome put them down. Not spying, he told himself firmly, just watching, protecting. Spying meant that he was seeing something he shouldn't see, something like he'd been helpless to stop himself from seeing. He didn't want to remember those times; they made him sick.

Swallowing hard, he reached out a finger towards the well. If it was sealed as Kaede had described, nothing with so much as a hint of youkai blood should even be able to touch it. The prayer spells would raise a barrier that would be reinforced from Kagome's side of the well. The balance between the spells would keep the barrier strong, not even a wild youkai could break it.

Not if he tore the ground out from under the well, not if he burnt the glade where it sat. If the well should be destroyed, those spells would hold and not even Kagome would be able to remove them.

He felt a burning sensation in the tip of his finger. For just a second, he held it there, wondering at the strangeness of the energy. Then something built under his touch and Shippou yanked his hand away before the barrier could throw him across the glade. He didn't need any more bruises. If the barrier was strong, that meant that Kagome had escaped to safety and Inuyasha wasn't going to ever be able to hurt her again.

His two best friends were gone forever. First he'd lost Sango and Miroku, they'd been so much more important to him than he'd realized. After their deaths he'd sworn he wouldn't lose anyone else. But Inuyasha was lost to madness and cruelty; Kagome had run away to save her very life. Kaede promised to let him stay with her, but it wasn't the same. As kind as the old woman was, he didn't feel like he belonged in that village anymore.

He was utterly alone in the world, friendless, homeless and lost like a little fox on the side of the road. It was as if the past two years had never even happened. There had never been a kind girl who fed him candy, a blustering hanyou that whacked him on the head and protected him. No wise but lecherous monk, no beautiful and sad demon slayer. It had just been a dream.

His eyes were drawn to something faded and yellow half buried in the grass. Curious, he had to investigate; even in the depths of his sadness a kitsune's curiosity was still strong. He went to the grimy, tattered lump and lifted it. Kagome's backpack.

Shippou sank back to the ground with a sigh. The yellow canvas had been shredded and he could guess whose claws had left those rents. It was empty of anything that had belonged to her, but it still held her scent. He buried his nose in the material and inhaled deeply, trying to remember happier moments when surprises and sweets had flowed from that bag. How she'd waved happily when she climbed out of that well, this bag slung over her shoulder.

_Shippou, I brought you candy! And coloring books and crayons, I even have some of those crisps that you love. Don't you like the garlic ones the best?_

"I never got you anything, Kagome," he whispered, wiping his eyes. "I should have got you something. You always shared everything with me, with all of us. Why did this have to happen?"

He decided to take the bag with him, go back to the village and say goodbye to Kaede and the village children. It was time for him to be on his own anyway. Time to put aside memories and regrets. Time to forget about her.

A cool wind blew his hair back with a sudden gust and Shippou flinched involuntarily, sensing something coming in his direction. He braced himself, not knowing what kind of youkai was approaching at such a speed. Dust flew into his eyes when a whirlwind dropped into his midst and Shippou breathed a sigh of relief.

This demon wasn't a threat. At least he didn't think he was.

"Hey, kid," Kouga said, surveying the area around them. "What's going on? I came to see Kagome but I'm not catching her scent."

"She went home," Shippou murmured sadly, pointing to the well. The wolf demon gave him a curious look and it occurred to Shippou that Kagome had never once explained to Kouga where she had come from. Kouga sniffed doubtfully at the mouth of the well and then leaned closer to get a better look.

"Don't," Shippou cried out as Kouga went to rest his hand on the battered wood. It was too late. A bright light flashed and the wolf was thrown back. The wolf got up immediately and glowered at Shippou.

"Is this some kind of joke?" he snapped, looking irritated beyond words. "She didn't go down any dirty old well. Where's mutt-face? I'm not in the mood for your little fox games, kid!"

Shippou glared right back at him, unafraid. After what he'd already been through, the last thing he was going to do was let Kouga bully him.

"She's not coming back, stupid!" he shouted. As the words echoed in his mind, Shippou felt his eyes start to burn. Of course, Kouga didn't know anything. He'd been badly injured in the last battle with Naraku, the same battle that had taken Sango, Kohaku, and Miroku. If Kagome hadn't been there to stop the bleeding, if Inuyasha hadn't used everything in his power to drive the demons away, Kouga wouldn't be standing here.

"What do you mean, not coming back?" Kouga asked suspiciously. It sounded like some lame plan of dog-breath's, he decided. He couldn't see Kagome going along with it, but you could never tell what went on in that girl's head. He was grateful to her for saving his life, if Inuyasha had a tiny part in that he supposed he could stand it. But he wasn't here to thank the stupid mutt; he was here to thank Kagome. And damn it, he wanted to know where the hell she was.

The little kitsune buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Kouga was taken aback by his emotional outburst and felt slightly guilty for yelling at the dumb kid. Kagome always treated Shippou kindly, protected him, as a matter of honor he should do the same.

"Hey," he said gently, kneeling down beside the distraught child. "Don't cry about it, kid. Tell me what happened. I know you guys got that bastard Naraku, I'm sorry I wasn't there to see him go down. Tell me what happened to Kagome. Where's the mutt, don't tell me he's…dead?"

To his surprise, Shippou glared at him, hatred seeping from every pore. "No, he's not dead," the kitsune spat. "But I wish he was. I'd rather have Naraku alive than him, if I was just a little bigger, I'd kill Inuyasha myself!"

Kouga scratched his head and stared as Shippou again fell into angry sobs. What the hell had happened? He had heard about the monk and the exterminator; he'd been deeply unhappy that he'd been so badly hurt himself that he'd never gotten to comfort Kagome. But this didn't make sense.

Kagome gone forever? Shippou left alone and wishing that Inuyasha were dead instead of Naraku? It was more than he could wrap his mind around.

But he wasn't heartless, never had been. He felt sorry for the kit the same way he'd feel sorry for any youngling of his own pack. Damn it, he wasn't good at this sort of thing, he didn't know how to comfort a crying child. Especially when he didn't even know why he was crying. Awkwardly, he patted Shippou's shoulder, trying to soothe him.

"Calm down, get a hold of yourself," he said softly. "Why don't you tell me what is really going on?"

oOo

He'd never been so pissed off in his life. Kouga jumped to his feet, staring down at the young kitsune in utter shock and fury.

"He did WHAT?" the wolf shouted, the entire forest ringing with his voice. "He raped my Kagome? That bastard!"

Shippou looked miserable, sniffling and burying his face in a piece of faded yellow fabric. "He did," the boy muttered. "I saw it. I…I heard it. He's not Inuyasha anymore; he's some kind of monster. He hurt her so much; I thought he was going to kill her. That's why she left. I thought he'd kill me too, but I had to protect her any way I could."

"Son of a bitch," Kouga swore, running his hand over his hair. "That piece of shit, that dirty, miserable bastard. This whole time he was after the goddamn jewel. I fucking knew it!"

Kouga was tempted to run off right now and find that worthless mongrel and make him pay. Jewel or no jewel, he didn't care how powerful the stinking cur thought he was. Kouga was going to tear him into little shreds and burn the pieces. He was going to kill him slowly, make him pay and suffer like poor Kagome had suffered.

Someone had to punish him. He cracked his knuckles. He was glad to be the one to do it.

He glanced down and noticed for the first time that Shippou looked like hell. His face looked like it had been used to break rocks. Kouga snarled to himself, realizing why. He couldn't leave the kid like this. Not after all Kagome had done for him, he owed it to her to make sure that Shippou was safe.

"Let me take you to the village," he said quietly. "That old priestess, what's her name, Kaede. She was Kagome's friend. She'll look out for you."

Shippou flinched away from his words. "Are you going after Inuyasha?" he asked.

Kouga nodded sharply. "Bet your ass I am. I'm going to make that dog-shit wish he'd never been born."

The kitsune jumped to his feet, clinging to Kouga's leg. "Let me go with you," he begged, his eyes wide and frantic. "I know I'm small, but I'll do whatever you say. I have to do something, I can't just sit back and pretend it didn't happen."

"Kid," he said gently, putting his hand on Shippou's bright hair. "I don't think…"

"I'm not a kid!" Shippou shouted, tearing away from Kouga's grip. "Don't talk down to me, she was my friend, she loved me!" Tears were pouring down the young fox's face again and Kouga felt his heart twist in his chest at the next words the boy spoke.

"She loved him, Kouga. She really loved him and he tore her to pieces. He made her…she didn't…" Shippou swallowed hard, trying to erase it from his mind. "I think she was starting to die inside, that's why Kaede helped her escape. I can't just let him get away with it."

Kouga sighed. He could understand exactly how the runt felt. He had also loved Kagome, and he had also always known deep in his heart where he didn't like to admit it, that she was in love with the half breed. She never would have turned to him, not as long as Inuyasha was there. It was bitter for him to realize that she hadn't turned away from the hanyou even when he'd become a dark and twisted version of himself. No matter what the abuse, the betrayal, she hadn't stopped loving him.

Kagome was like that. It was why he loved her in the first place.

"Okay," he said, reaching down for Shippou's hand. "You can go with me, but we're going to talk to that priestess first. I don't like taking a kit like you into a fight, but maybe she can help us find him. One way or another, I'll see that you get your revenge too."

"For Kagome," Shippou said firmly, nodding his head like it was already happening.

"Yeah," the wolf muttered, glancing back at the silent well. "For Kagome."

_**Present Day**_

"Are you all right, priestess?" Jano asked her quietly.

Kagome angrily pulled her arm away, glaring at him. "What do you think?" she said acidly. "Do I look like I'm all right?"

He gave her a placid stare. "Considering the circumstances, yes. He could have hurt you a lot more than he did."

She turned away from her rescuer, bile rising in her throat as she couldn't shake the feeling that she was dirty. She wanted another bath now, anything to scrub away the memory of Inuyasha's touch. Kagome glanced up at Jano as she tried to hold together the pieces of her torn kosode. Through the rents in the fabric she could see the welts Inuyasha's claws had left on her skin. She felt even more nauseated and covered her face with her hands. Now that it was over, she was starting to shake with reaction.

A strong hand cupped her elbow as she swayed and when she looked up, the youkai seemed concerned. "Perhaps I should call for a healer."

Kagome's hands balled into fists, irritated by his false solicitude. "I'm fine," she said, her voice hard and cold. "Don't waste your sympathy on a human like me."

His expression flickered. "Was I wrong to stop him, then? It looked to me like you were in need of assistance. Would you have preferred that I didn't intervene?"

Shocked, she stared at him. "Sesshomaru didn't send for him? You made that up?"

Jano smiled charmingly as he took her elbow and started to walk her down the hall towards her room. "My orders from him were to protect you from harm while you're in this castle. No one dies here without Sesshomaru-sama's express permission."

_That sounds like the Sesshomaru I remember_, Kagome thought wryly. They stopped in front of her door and she turned to look at her unusual rescuer. His expression was dark and thoughtful as he regarded her. She didn't like the way he was looking at her now, a calculating look in his dark eyes.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"No," he said quietly. "I am just hoping for your sake that you aren't trying to play a game here. Sesshomaru-sama has decided to take your story at face value for now, but you're putting yourself in danger with your request."

"You don't think I know that?"

The youkai glanced away, and then turned back with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I suppose you do," he said quietly. "Don't be a fool, human. Don't provoke him. Inuyasha will follow his brother's orders to help you if that is Sesshomaru-sama's decision. Don't expect to live beyond that if you are playing us falsely."

She glared at him. "Are you threatening me?" she asked, putting steel into her voice. Her fury faded as she met his cool eyes.

"Yes."

He turned and left her standing there in the hallway, unconcerned for whether or not she returned to her room. Glancing down, Kagome noticed again the rips in her clothing and swallowed hard. She knew what a dangerous plan this was, but it seemed her only option. Her only other choice was to stay here in the past, away from her life and the security that she'd built for herself. She could die; Shippou could die from what she was trying to do.

It was a risk she was willing to face.

oOo

Smoke. He hated the smell. It was horrible, vile. It disgusted him as much as the sight in front of him did. How could he do it?

His eyes roved over the ruined village, looking away from the scattered bodies, the burning homes. Instead he focused on the sky, still pure and blue as a promise. A heavy hand descended on his shoulder and Shippou turned to look up at Kouga, but Kouga wasn't there. Instead, he saw burning red eyes and a cruel mouth twisted in a sadistic smile. He backed away, knowing what was coming as the demon raised a sharp-clawed hand and laughed.

"_What's the matter, Shippou? Aren't you glad to see me?"_

He gasped, sitting up and looking around him wildly. The dream had been so real, he hadn't had it in years, but now he felt like he was just a little kid again. Shippou tried to calm his pounding heart, his fingers clenched on the low table where he'd fallen asleep. Damn it.

Nightmares come to life again, he though bitterly as he pushed a clump of matted red hair out of his eyes. Nightmares and dreams, for Kagome had also come back to life. He wanted to be the hell away from here, this damn fortress full of inuyoukai. It made his skin crawl, thinking that Inuyasha was somewhere in this place, stalking the corridors and waiting like death for him to show his face.

Shippou groaned softly as he rested his head in his hands. How had he managed to utterly fail her again like this? He'd sworn to protect her; he'd done his damnedest to fight for her. Even when those two asshole dogs had beaten the crap out of him, he hadn't stopped fighting until they'd knocked him to the ground and sat on him. It hadn't been enough, it had never been enough.

Kagome was at his mercy again. It made Shippou want to be sick on the floor. Why hadn't he and Kouga done what they'd set out to do in the first place? They shouldn't have let Inuyasha live long enough for Kagome to fall back into their lives. He didn't give a damn if Inuyasha couldn't remember what he'd done. He didn't care that he couldn't even remember the girl he'd tried to destroy or the friends he'd betrayed. He wanted him dead just the same.

_Inuyasha_, he thought bitterly. _You still need killing_.

But there wasn't shit all he could do about it now. All he could do was sit and wait. A pair of guards had dragged him to this small room and told him to behave himself. Shippou rankled at their condescension. Outnumbered and desperate, he'd sworn he wouldn't sleep until he saw Kagome again. The kitsune gave a snort of disgust. Yet another failure on his part. He didn't like the idea of telling Kouga that he'd practically handed Kagome over to them without a fight.

The hell he wasn't going to fight. Shippou got to his feet, glaring at the closed door. He was getting out of here right now and so was Kagome. It bothered him that Sesshomaru had taken an interest in her. No way, he wasn't ever going to just sit by, passive and afraid, while she was being hurt.

Shippou reckoned he could break down the door, but who knew what was standing on the other side? He had to use his brain now, it was no time to go berserk and start fighting with all these dog demons just waiting for an excuse to kill him. Quietly, he crept to the door and listened hard. Nothing.

All right, the kitsune told himself. To his surprise, it wasn't even locked. Shippou guessed that they didn't consider him brave or stupid enough to leave the room. He wasn't sure which it was either. He knew Kagome's scent as well as he knew his own. Kitsune might not compare to dog or wolf youkai when it came to tracking, but he wasn't nose blind and had learned a few things from Kouga.

The corridor was empty, quiet and still. It felt almost ominous and he decided he didn't care if it was a trap. They were most likely going to kill him anyway. He didn't trust these demons, not for a moment. Sniffing the air hopefully, he turned to hurry silently down the quiet stone hall. It looked like this was the best chance he'd ever have for escape.

"Well, look at that, the boy had balls enough to leave the room."

Shippou spun around to face a pair of guards that were coming down the hall. There was no place for him to run or hide, so he glared at them hatefully. These were the same two that had been with Inuyasha. Most likely they'd been waiting to see when he made his move. That was fine with Shippou. He didn't have anything to lose.

"Where's Kagome?" he demanded, letting arrogance seep into his voice.

They snickered and one of them even mocked him by pretending to wipe away tears of mirth. "You ain't in a position to be making demands, little rat," one of them sneered.

So he wasn't. Shippou didn't give a damn. He flexed his claws angrily and stared them down. "Take me to her," he snarled. "I'm not leaving her alone in this place with a bunch of filthy dogs."

The taller of the two looked angry but his partner clapped a hand on his shoulder. "What's the matter, brat," he said, his eyes glittering with malice. "You worried your woman might prefer inuyoukai to kitsune meat?"

Shippou stiffened as they approached him slowly. He thought he might be able to take the heavier one, but the shorter demon already had a hand on his sword. Shippou wasn't armed with anything more than his claws. And maybe a little bit of fox-magic.

_Let's see if these two are as dumb as they look_, he thought.

He shrugged casually, waving his hand to distract them as he tossed a few acorns on the floor. They rolled away from him quietly, the two guards taking no notice. "I'm not worried about what she prefers," he said, forcing himself to sound unconcerned. "You idiots forget who you're dealing with. That's the same priestess that destroyed Naraku."

The guards exchanged glances, smirking. "So what," one said softly as the other drew his sword. "That name doesn't mean shit to us."

Shippou grinned fiercely. "And I suppose you've also forgotten that it was a priestess that sealed your Inuyasha-sama to a tree. And he hasn't yet recovered his memory. She's powerful enough on her own. Do you really think we would have let ourselves be brought here so easily if we didn't have a damn good reason?"

That brought an ugly look to both their faces. "I'm getting sick of this brat's mouth, Shiou," the shorter one murmured. "What do you say we remind our little guest of his place?"

"Sounds good," Shiou grunted. He went to stand menacingly near the kitsune. "Brat, why don't you take your ass back into that room before we have to put you there unconscious?"

"Try me," Shippou growled. Just a few more steps.

"Stop right there," a woman's clear voice rang out. Startled, the guards looked up to see Kagome standing at the end of the corridor with a drawn bow. Her eyes were dark with anger; her hands steady on her weapon. "I will shoot if you take one more step."

Both guards froze, indecisive in the face of a legendary priestess. They'd both heard the stories about how Inuyasha had been sealed, how he'd lost his mind two years later after being freed and been brought insane and dying to this fortress. The rumor went that even Sesshomaru-sama had barely managed to save his brother's life. The mighty Tenseiga had been unable to fully restore him.

Shippou grinned, turning his back and casually walking towards Kagome. "I'd do what she says, boys," he said, his voice light and malicious. "You don't want her to fire that arrow. Inuyasha may have been able to survive its power, but a couple of low rank fools like yourselves will probably be purified right out of existence."

Kagome didn't acknowledge his words, but then he didn't expect her to. They could see her clearly from where they stood, but if they got much closer they'd notice that she had no scent and no substance. This Kagome was all illusion, crafted from a touch of kitsune foxfire and a couple of acorns. By the time they figured out the trick, he would be away from here and on his way to hiding.

Just as he was about to make his escape, a young woman opened a door near the end of the corridor, her arms full of linens. She took one look at the strange confrontation and shrieked, turning and running in the opposite direction.

It wasn't much, but it was enough to make him lose his concentration and Kagome's image flickered like a dying flame would from a strong wind. He held it for one more second and she vanished before their eyes, leaving nothing behind but a thin, green mist that evaporated like his hopes for a clever escape.

The guards glared at him and then snarled as they brandished their weapons. "Get that little son of a bitch!"

Shit, he thought, looking down a blind corridor. Kitsune didn't believe in gods or spirits, but they did depend on luck. And as one of the guards grabbed him and spun him into the wall with a hard kick, Shippou supposed that his luck wasn't going to save him this time.

oOo

The more he thought about it, the more disgusted he became with himself.

Inuyasha walked the halls of his father's fortress and tried not to think about what he'd almost done to that woman. If it had been anyone else, he would have happily gutted them for trying that. He supposed he should be grateful to Jano for his timely interruption.

He couldn't remember things very clearly. It had been ten years since he'd come to this fortress and he was still no closer to answers. Every morning he looked at his face in the mirror and a stranger stared back at him. This stranger had a mocking smile sometimes, a bitter enjoyment of his confusion.

Honestly, he didn't know himself anymore. Sesshomaru said that his memory might have been damaged by his use of the jewel; his illness was most likely part of the priestess's curse. He'd believed that, just like he had to believe he'd been pinned to a tree for fifty years by Kikyou's arrow.

_Why did you betray me_, he asked her in his mind. _I was a stupid fool of a hanyou, rude and mean, why did you ever pretend to love me in the first place?_

Inuyasha scratched at his ear thoughtfully. He saw the purple stripes of his father's heritage on his face every day; saw it in the respect his brother's people gave him. After ten years, he still didn't feel comfortable here. He didn't imagine the sly smiles they gave him sometimes, the way the youkai children stared at his ears.

He was still a damn hanyou, it didn't matter that his blood smelled pure. He was still the dirty half-breed and he couldn't escape from that. Everything he'd hoped the jewel would buy for him had been a fucking lie.

Kikyou knew what you were, he told himself. That woman had named his every fear with a vindictiveness that surprised him. It was if she knew everything that had happened between him and the long dead priestess.

_How does she know me_, he demanded of his recalcitrant memory.

As usual, the blankness that existed inside him was mocking him. Inuyasha scowled and raked his claws down the stone of the wall just to hear the way the solid rock gave under his claws. What use was it to be a youkai in blood when your head was so fucked up and you were lost, drowning yourself in memories that never existed.

"Inuyasha," a voice called out happily.

He stopped, closing his eyes in annoyance. Not right now, he told himself. I can't deal with this.

Warm arms came around his waist and he stiffened, not wanting to pull away but at the same time not wanting to be held. "Rin," he said coldly. "What have I told you about doing that?"

Her laugh was light and he turned around and met her smiling gaze. "What, nobody's watching," she teased. "Who's going to know if I put my arms around you?"

"I'll know," he said gruffly, shrugging out of his embrace. Rin folded her arms and gave him that look that he knew she'd learned from Makiko.

"Something happened," she said flatly. "Did Sesshomaru-sama say you had to help that woman?"

He grunted and started to walk away. "None of your business, Rin. What he wants to do is his own decision. It's not your problem."

She ran after him like she'd been doing for the last ten years and caught his arm. Five years ago he wouldn't have cared, five years ago he would have enjoyed her friendship and been fond of her for being a light in his gloomy existence. Now…since she'd grown older, her hugs had a different meaning behind them.

He wasn't sure if Sesshomaru knew that his foster child had fallen in love with his younger brother.

He hoped not, it wasn't as if he didn't have enough things to be humiliated about. He'd rebuffed her as kindly as he could manage, but Rin was used to getting her way and getting what she wanted. And what she wanted was him.

She had decided for herself that she wanted to marry him. Nothing Inuyasha said seemed to have an effect on her determination. Inuyasha had a sneaking suspicion that Sesshomaru did in fact know about it. And was amused by his brother's consternation.

_You'd think he'd put his foot down_, Inuyasha thought bitterly. Her hand slipped into his and Rin tugged at him.

"Hey, this is Rin, remember? You can talk to me, Inuyasha."

He sighed. "Okay," he began. "I have to take her somewhere…"

"I'm going with you," she said bluntly. "You aren't going anywhere with that human."

"Rin," he said, gritting his teeth. "You're human yourself, you shouldn't…"

"I don't care," she snapped, her eyes flashing at him. "She tried to kill you!"

"And what the fuck are you going to do about it?" he snarled in response. She looked shocked and he instantly regretted speaking to her like that. They had been friends once; somehow something about her had soothed him when he'd first met her. Maybe it was her innocence, her acceptance of him. Something about that just whispered in his mind, left ghosts trailing through the night.

He dreaded the day she discovered that weakness. He dreaded the time when he wouldn't be able to say no anymore.

She could sense that he was troubled and leaned close, slipping her arms around him. Inuyasha stood still, not wanting to look at her face right now. All he could think of was that priestess, that woman who had kicked him and that he'd almost taken her in a violent rage. What kind of a monster was he, couldn't Rin see it?

"I love you," she whispered into his chest. "One of these days I'm going to tell Sesshomaru-sama that I want to marry you. Then we can be happy together. Why can't I tell him today?"

"Because I don't want to marry you," he said, wishing that were enough. Her arms only tightened around his waist. "Sessh…you know how he feels about humans and youkai mixing. He would forbid it."

"Then we'll run away together," Rin said, pressing her lips to his chest. He could feel the heat of her running through his clothes and his body started to wake up and demand that he answer it. The other human, the priestess, was out of the question. Rin was right here, willing.

Something rose up in his blood and before he realized it, he was tugging her closer. It wasn't Rin's face he was seeing or her body under his hands. It was hers, that woman; she'd haunted him for years without him knowing it. Seeing her in those clothes, so much like Kikyou…

"No," he growled, pushing her back. That was the reason he couldn't love her, didn't want to use her to answer his needs. Rin wasn't what he wanted. She never had been, even from the beginning he'd been seeing a ghost in front of her face, inside her eyes. He'd tried to make her into what he wanted; he'd tried to convince himself that it was enough. He couldn't do that any more than he could make himself comfortable in this place.

Not while he couldn't remember the truth.

"Inuyasha?" she called after him, her voice full of concern.

"Just leave me alone," he snapped, waving her away. Stupid little girl. Didn't she know he was a monster who couldn't control himself? Didn't she know that he couldn't, wouldn't ever be able to love her in return? Rin deserved better than a damaged half-breed. Sesshomaru would say the same.

It was, after all, nothing but the truth.

oOo

Kagome was grateful they'd left her alone for the rest of the day. She'd needed a chance to get a hold of herself. It bothered her that she hadn't seen Shippou since she'd woken up that morning. Makiko had answered that he was sleeping, as exhausted as she was. Kagome understood that, he'd been pretty banged up and she thought that he probably had some things of his own to think about.

She felt awful about the pressure this must be putting on Shippou. He hated Inuyasha so much, almost as much as she did. Kagome could well sympathize that her kitsune friend didn't want to be here.

Late in the afternoon, Makiko had brought her something to eat. Kagome had been ravenously hungry by then, having slept through the castle's breakfast and then refused to eat at midday. Her stomach had been so upset with what had happened; she'd thought she'd become ill if she even looked at food.

The youkai woman had been expressionless at the damage done to Kagome's clothing. Instead she'd silently brought her a loose robe to sleep in before taking her to the bathing room so that she could wash her hands and face. It had been years since Kagome had felt so much that she was prisoner. Unsettling that they just pushed her to the side while deciding her fate. She was used to being the one in control.

She was just beginning to think of going to bed with her depressing thoughts when a soft knock drew her attention. As Makiko would have just entered without asking, Kagome hesitated a moment before letting out a relieved sigh. Shippou. It had to be him, who else would come to see her?

Kagome went to the door, smiling slightly and getting ready to tell him how happy she was to see him and to apologize for everything she was putting him through. Kagome wasn't used to apologizing for anything, but she dimly remembered that once she'd cared about her friends, cared about them so much that she would have gladly died for them.

It was her fault that they were in this mess, she knew it and swore to herself that this time, she'd make sure they both got away safely.

"Shippou, it's about time," she said as she opened the door all the way. Kagome froze, staring at him.

"What do you want?" she breathed. He pulse was racing in her ears and Kagome felt dizzy.

Inuyasha scowled at her, looking past her face actually and focusing on the wall. "I don't know if anyone told you," he said, sounding irritated. "We leave tomorrow at dawn. Sesshomaru decided I should…help you. I don't want to, I don't fucking trust a word you say, but it's not my decision."

She swallowed hard, not sure if she was happy or not. It would be difficult to deal with. She meant to just nod and slam the door in his face. Kagome didn't want to say a word to him now. Before she could help it, she found herself meeting his gaze and glaring at him.

"As long as you don't touch me," she said coldly. "You understand that? I don't want you to ever touch me again."

He flushed. "Yeah, I get it," he snarled back, his fists clenching. "I got that message loud and clear. Whatever, bitch. You're the one that needs my help."

He could see her swallowing hard, nauseous at the very site of him. It made him feel even more like an animal, a dirty beast that had dared to almost defile her priestess perfection. Her expression was every bit as cold and condescending as Kikyou's, he decided, hating her suddenly for being there and furious and beautiful. Just like he wanted to remember.

"Just go away," she whispered, a flicker of true pain crossing her face. He wondered at that, what would make her so angry and sad at the same time. Was it because of earlier, was it because she was forced to endure his company in order to get back to wherever the hell she'd come from?

"I'm sorry," he said roughly.

Kagome stared at him. "What?" she asked, sure that she'd misheard.

"About today. I'm sorry for…well, I'm just fucking sorry."

The air in her lungs seemed to have turned to shattered glass. It hurt to breathe and for a long moment, she stared at him as if he were about to sprout wings.

"You're sorry?" she asked, sounding like she was petrified of his answer.

Inuyasha nodded, staring at the floor. Damn it, he couldn't even look at her. If he glanced up and met his eyes, he was sure she'd see every bit of his self-loathing, his hatred for his lack of control.

"Yes," he whispered.

Her sudden bray of laughter startled him into looking at her. Kagome laughed again, even harsher and his ears flattened on his head. "What's so damn funny?" he snarled.

"You bastard," she said, hissing the words from between bitter lips. "You think you can apologize to me? You arrogant, disgusting son of a bitch!"

"I said I was sorry," he growled, his teeth clenched.

"You can't apologize for something like that!" Kagome screamed. He stared wide-eyed as she jumped at him, striking his face hard with the flat of her hand. Inuyasha backed away from her, trying to shield himself from her blows.

"You can't be sorry enough!" she screamed, oblivious to the fact that her words were echoing down the hall. "There's nothing you can ever do to prove to me that you're sorry for what you did to me!"

She spat at him and shoved him hard enough to make him stumble. "Don't you ever apologize to me again," the woman said, her hands curled into claws of her own. "Don't you EVER say you're sorry, don't ever think that you can take back what happened!"

Kagome turned her back on him, her shoulders shaking. Dumbfounded, he couldn't think of what to say. He'd been a bastard, but Jano had stopped him before he could take her, snapping him out of a blind rage that knew no end. He hadn't…or maybe he had.

"I will never forgive you," she said, looking down and letting her hair hang over her eyes. The woman looked lost, bereft and he didn't know if she was about to attack him or burst into tears. Maybe neither, he wasn't sure if fury or grief would ever erase the look in her eyes, but it tore at him just the same.

Long after she'd closed the door, he stood alone in the corridor, leaning against the wall with his forehead resting on the cold, hard stone. Whatever else was true or false in his life, he deserved this woman's hatred and deserved whatever revenge fate could give her.


	16. Sixteen

Possession 16

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

Growling softly with annoyance, Kouga stared up at the imposing gate of the huge fortress. He did not want to be here, but he didn't have a choice. When the lord of the West sent you an invitation, you didn't refuse if you wanted to keep your head.

"Gods, this place is big," Ginta muttered softly. Kouga turned to scowl at him. He didn't like them being impressed or showing it. Damn stupid dogs, he hated the stench of this place already. He had a pretty good idea what Sesshomaru wanted to talk to him about and he already hated the idea. He hated even more that he wasn't going to refuse.

An alliance was a good idea and not entirely unheard of. His territories bordered Sesshomaru's and it was in their best interest to work together. Human armies tended to lay waste to everything around them while marauding bands of youkai attacked anything they could find. Kouga had moved his people as far west as he could after the defeat of Naraku. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The gate started to open, creaking softly as massive locks were rolled back and iron hinges protested with their use. Kouga studied the mechanism warily. His people preferred to live out in the open, finding that natural caves had always suited them best. It had been nearly five years since Naraku had been destroyed and Kouga still wasn't used to being a leader of so many people.

The wolf tribes of the north and east had been decimated, slaughtered really. First his own people had been nearly hunted to extinction by the birds of paradise, as nasty a little clan of foul smelling demons he'd ever met. Then Naraku had destroyed the ablest warriors of both his own surviving clan as well as the ones who'd been foolish enough to be drawn in by his treachery. What had been left was the females with pups too young too fight, as well as elders who were too feeble to defend themselves.

"Ginta," he snapped, folding his arms over his chest. Immediately his comrade went to stand in front of him, side by side with Hakkaku. He placed his most intimidating expression firmly on his face and watched a figure emerged from the small opening of the gate.

"Kouga-sama," the inuyoukai said, approaching him slowly, hands hanging loosely at his sides. "You are welcome here. My name is Jano, on behalf of Sesshomaru-sama I bid you greeting."

oOo

It went better than he'd expected and by the time Sesshomaru had dismissed him, Kouga was feeling rather pleased with himself. It seemed as if the lord of the West was as concerned as himself about the constant problem of marauding lesser demons. The daiyoukai had suggested tactfully that it would be in both of their interests to secure their borders. All it seemed that Sesshomaru wanted from him was for Kouga to allow his soldiers to police the borders of his territory. He had no wish to dominate any of the lands that Kouga's people had claimed and asked no tribute from his new ally. Security, Sesshomaru advised, could only benefit them both.

Kouga had grunted his assent, unwilling to show ready acceptance. One thing that had not come up during their negotiations was the matter of the demon lord's long-vanished younger brother. It burned in Kouga's mind to ask, to look at that cold, impassive face and demand answers. Do you know where that miserable half-breed is? Do you know what he did, what he became? As Inuyasha's brother, Sesshomaru should have concerned himself with the matter.

Still, he kept his tongue, realizing that it wouldn't be impossible for Sesshomaru to use his power to make an alliance by force. If Kouga had refused for some unknown reason, Sesshomaru's reputation didn't promise any acceptance of that refusal. He could very well find himself dead and his corpse tossed into a rocky ravine. Then the lord of the West would be able to have his patrols as he wished, unchallenged, and the wolf tribes would again be left without a leader.

A no win situation, he decided, following one of Sesshomaru's servants down the long, quiet passages. It was good that he had no reason to object and he suspected that had been Sesshomaru's plan in the first place. A willing ally would be far more useful than an angry one. So now Kouga could return to his people with the news that for the first time in centuries dog demons and wolf demons would unite in alliance that would benefit both of their tribes.

He reflected sourly that one certain member of his pack wouldn't take the news with any gladness. Shippou was still young and still so angry. He was glad that he'd taken in the traumatized kitsune, but nothing he'd done had ever been able to ease the boy's hatred. He smiled to himself thoughtfully, earning a confused look from Ginta and Hakkaku as they noted such an uncharacteristic expression. His own hatred of Inuyasha hadn't dimmed, not a whit. He still longed for the chance to find that white-haired monster and…

"Get out the way, stupid!"

Kouga froze at the sound of that voice, so hauntingly familiar and utterly unforgettable. It couldn't be, it had damned well better not…

"Kouga-sama!" The anxious inuyoukai servant chased after him when Kouga spun around and broke into a run. Of course he hadn't smelled him, how could he believed his own nose in a fortress full of stinking dogs? His mind had turned over and over to the subject and he'd kept his mouth shut, thinking that it was only his own banked anger that made him continue to think about Inuyasha.

Why hadn't he considered that this would be where he'd gone to ground, where he'd been hiding for so long? Because you know he hates his brother, Kouga told himself bitterly. You thought the last place Inuyasha would ever run to would be Sesshomaru's territory.

He followed his nose now, his nose and his instincts and took a turn that led him to a small open courtyard. A pair of servants was wrestling with a long tabletop that they were trying to set up, getting ready for the evening meal, no doubt. They were being supervised by a pissed looking white haired young demon, one that he'd waiting to encounter for one last time.

"Inuyasha!" Kouga shouted, his fists clenched as he charged into the courtyard. The other demon glanced up as he ran at him, turning just as Kouga leapt into the air and kicked him hard in the face. Satisfaction like he'd only imagined swept through his body as Inuyasha went sprawling on the ground, caught off guard by the wolf's vicious attack.

"You son of a bitch," Kouga snarled, flinging himself down Inuyasha. His fists crashed into the inuyoukai's face, bloodying his nose and splitting his lips. Dimly, he heard shouting in the background, Hakkaku and Ginta yelling for him to stop before a squad of guards came to kill them all. Kouga didn't bother to answer, he was too busy getting his fists bloody on Inuyasha's face.

"Did you think you could hide here forever?" the wolf snarled as he beat the other demon. "Did you think you weren't ever gonna pay for what you did? You sick, worthless piece of shit, I should have killed you when I first met you! She loved you, damn you to hell!"

With an outraged roar, Inuyasha suddenly flung him back, moving faster than Kouga remembered. Blood smeared his face and Kouga stared at him, seeing the violet slashes on his face that marked him as a full demon. He could feel a powerful aura of pure youki radiating off his opponent and for the first time, Kouga felt afraid. What the hell had he done to gain power like that? Was it the sacred jewel? Even the shards he'd worn in his own legs hadn't ever made him guess that the completed power would alter the mutt like this.

"Who the fuck are you?" Inuyasha snarled, advancing on him. "Why did you attack me?" The demon cracked his knuckles menacingly, his golden eyes burning with an inner crimson fire. "Answer me, wolf!"

Rage consumed him so that he could barely force the words from his throat. "You know who I am," he growled. "Don't treat me like I'm someone else!"

Inuyasha laughed and the sound sent chills up Kouga's spine. A wave of evil power flowed from Inuyasha like a rushing torrent, it flooded the small courtyard and from the corner of his eye, Kouga could see Ginta and Hakkaku huddling on the ground in fear.

He couldn't blame them; this wasn't the Inuyasha they'd known. It wasn't anything like the half-breed, the stupid mutt that he'd fought with so often. Hell, it was only his own wolfish pride that kept him on his feet. Instinct screamed at him to grovel and beg for mercy, plead for his life. This wasn't a hanyou. This was an angry daiyoukai of immense dark power and Kouga's mind went blank.

"I don't know you," the dark creature hissed, flexing impossibly long, sharp claws. "But I will know you as you die." Moving swiftly as a deadly snake, Inuyasha swept forward and seized Kouga's throat, bearing the wolf back to a hard stone wall and crushing him against it sadistically.

"What do you say I make you scream first?" Inuyasha muttered, digging his claws into Kouga's skin. Warm blood flowed from the wounds, covering Inuyasha's hand and wetting Kouga's chest. He tried to gasp out the words, but he couldn't breathe. His vision was going dark and pain flooded him, agony as Inuyasha's other hand tore aside the lacquered armor and found the soft flesh of his belly. Kouga had the distinct feeling that he was about to see his own guts pour onto the ground.

"Did ya hear me, wolf?" the inuyoukai said with a grin. "I said I want to hear you scream before I kill you. Scream loud enough and it will be a fast death instead of painfully slow one." With those words, he eased his grip on Kouga's throat, allowing the wolf to draw a breath. He had no intention of screaming.

"Fuck you," Kouga whispered. "No wonder she ran away, you're a fucking monster."

"Huh?" Inuyasha looked confused. "Who ran away?"

Taking advantage of the demon's confusion, Kouga kicked out hard with both legs, letting Inuyasha take his weight so he could use the last of him remaining strength in a desperate move. He didn't care if he died now; all he cared about was inflicting one last bit of pain on the monster that had ravaged his pure Kagome. It made Kouga sick to his stomach to think about what this thing must have done to her.

His tactic wasn't entirely successful. His feet landed true, he felt bones crunch under the blow, but Inuyasha barely reacted, only gave a soft grunt of response. "If that's the way you want it," he husked, licking his lips as he stared into Kouga's eyes. "We'll have some more fun then."

He flung the helpless wolf to the ground in a harsh move and Kouga flopped as his forehead hit the stone paving. A heavy hand grabbed his hair and flipped him over, Inuyasha looming over him with claws outstretched.

_Looks like I'm gonna die quickly after all_, Kouga thought dizzily. He hated that he'd die at Inuyasha's hands, but Kagome, even an absent and abused Kagome, was worth it to him.

"She was always too good for you," he whispered. Inuyasha snarled angrily and his claws came down on Kouga's exposed throat.

_I'm sorry, Kagome_, he thought as he felt those claws dig into him. _I should have protected you from him_.

"Inuyasha."

The ice-cold voice seemed to paralyze his executioner and Kouga cautiously opened his eyes. Sesshomaru was walking slowly across the courtyard, his long fur pelt rippling in the breeze. He moved as smoothly as a specter, unconcerned with the trivial interactions of lesser beings. Kouga felt Inuyasha's weight shift and managed to look up as the demon moved away from him.

Inuyasha remained in a half crouch, staring as his brother slowly approached him. Sesshomaru stretched out a long fingered hand and Inuyasha darted away, breathing hard and looking for all the world like a wild, cornered animal, frightened and wary. Kouga had sat up to watch, reaching to rub absently at his sore neck where the wounds were already clotted. He couldn't look away as the elder brother advanced on the younger, a strange tension echoing against the stones of the courtyard. What the hell was going on?

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said again, his voice low and quiet. "Do you not know me? Think now, remember your name and mine."

"Sesshomaru," the feral demon murmured, the fear in his eyes slowly receding. "Brother." He fell to his knees, looking exhausted and utterly confused. "What happened to me?" he whispered.

Smiling faintly, Sesshomaru reached out and touched his brother's hair. "Nothing you need concern yourself with," he said, again using that remarkably gentle tone. "I'm here now, there is nothing to fear as long as I am with you."

Kouga couldn't help but stare in utter shock as the lord of the West reached down to help Inuyasha to his feet. The younger demon seemed dazed as he allowed his brother to guide him away, leaning heavily on his brother's arm as if he couldn't have moved without the support. Perhaps he couldn't, Kouga thought, getting to his feet with a soft groan.

"You're a lucky wolf," a new voice commented, making Kouga start as he turned around. The dark haired demon that had greeted him earlier was standing behind him, an expression of disapproval painted on his face. "Sessh should have let him tear you apart, you deserved it for a stupid move like that."

"What do you know," Kouga muttered, feeling every bruise and gouge as he tried to keep his dignity. "You have any idea what that son of a bitch has done?"

Jano's eyes narrowed. "I don't care," he said softly. "He's Sesshomaru-sama's brother and has my loyalty for that alone. Whatever crimes you might think he's committed, they don't matter in this place. Understand me, wolf? If you want to keep your head, you'll leave now before my lord orders it removed from your body."

"Fuck you, I'm going," Kouga retorted, relieved at the idea of being ordered out of this stinking fortress. He was still furious at Inuyasha's refusal to acknowledge him.

"What did that bastard think he was trying to prove, pretending that he didn't remember me?" he asked bitterly

"He doesn't remember you," Jano said shortly, gesturing at him to follow. Kouga kept a sullen silence as the inuyoukai led him and his companions to the nearest exit. The wolf realized there were more exits to the fortress itself than he had realized, but they all led to the same heavy gate. He told himself to keep his mouth shut, get the fuck away from this cursed place as fast as his feet could carry him. Still, it nagged at him and just before he reached the gate, he stopped, glaring at Jano.

"What do you mean, he doesn't remember?" the wolf demanded. "I knew that fucker from years back, he should have remembered me. Did something happen to him? Did Sesshomaru do something to his head or what?"

Jano moved swiftly and flicked the tip of Kouga's nose like he was nothing but a pup. "Sesshomaru-sama," he admonished coolly. "And no, my lord did nothing to his brother's memory. Inuyasha-sama was found delirious from fever and dying. When he recovered, he had no memory of his past or what had befallen him."

"What?" Kouga said, incredulous. "He forgot everything? Even Kagome and Shippou, that monk and the demon slayer who were his friends? How could he forget…"

Jano's expression was one of patience being slowly eroded by a wolf's inane questions. "He does not recall his companions that traveled with him, nor does he recall you or anyone else from that time. That is how Sesshomaru-sama wishes it to remain, so I advise that you forget your quarrel with him if you intend to keep your alliance."

Growling softly to himself, Kouga stalked out the gate, followed by a silent Ginta and Hakkaku. He broke into a run almost as soon as he cleared the fortress walls, sprinting as fast as his battered body could take him. Forgot about it huh, he thought, fresh anger flooding him.

It wasn't fair, Shippou still had nightmares about that bastard, hell, he still felt sickened when he thought about what Kagome must have been through at his hands. And Inuyasha was just allowed to forget it all as if it had never even happened?

Kouga snorted, holding bitterness close to his heart like a lover's face. Mutt was blissfully unaware of his crimes or his guilt. It was too bad the rest of them weren't as lucky.

_**Present Day**_

He was in a bad mood.

She'd thrown his apology, his _sincere_ apology, back in his face like it meant nothing to her. He'd honestly meant it too; he was deeply ashamed of losing control and wanted her to know that, for what it was worth anyway. It wasn't worth shit and deep in his heart, Inuyasha couldn't blame her.

_Idiot_, he told himself, _since when do you care what some human wench thinks about you anyway? She should be getting down on her knees and praying to whatever gods a priestess held dear that Jano had intervened when he did_. He didn't like to think about what he'd almost done.

And to a human no less. It was too bitter to accept. His mother had been human, the few memories that he did still have and called pleasant were of her. He could remember her holding him, whispering that she loved him, that it wasn't his fault he was born a hanyou, that there was nothing wrong with him. He wished he could believe that now, but he hadn't believed it even then.

Then there was Kikyou. He'd deluded himself into thinking that she could love him and it still burned bitterly inside him, burned in a scar over his heart that would never fade. _Why did she turn on me_, he asked himself for the thousandth time. _Did I do something wrong, did I make her angry? Did she think that I was still just after the stupid jewel?_

For that matter, had he been? Inuyasha scratched his ear, not exactly remembering. He could recall running, destroying everything in his path. Sometimes he remembered crashing through the roof of a hut, snatching the jewel in one hand and leaping away from the angry villagers. He hadn't killed anyone, why did she have to go and shoot him with her cursed arrow?

Sometimes he wasn't sure about it, he remembered that same village but he wasn't hunting for the jewel. He was just hunting for someone to hurt, someone to tear apart with his bare claws. It was rage, pure and transcendent, all consuming rage that he felt. He just wanted their fucking blood, he wanted to taste it in his mouth. Men, women and children, he didn't care. He wanted to kill as many people as he could because she had betrayed him, left him behind like he was nothing, just a dirty half blood monster…

Inuyasha stopped, the half lucid memories making his head throb terribly. He winced, leaning heavily against the wall as he rubbed his temples.

_Calm down_, he told himself, don't try to remember. _You only hurt yourself when you try to remember_. He kept his eyes closed until the pain passed, the sick and dizzy sensation that followed it. His brother had taught him to relax, let the memories wash away, leaving only calmness behind. He inhaled deeply through his nose and slowly released the breath with a soft growl.

His ears twitched and he picked up the sound of a muffled shout, a harsh laugh. What the hell, he wondered, scowling as the scent of fresh blood touched his nose. It was familiar, very familiar, and he could almost place it. Not a long hidden memory this time, no, this blood belonged to someone he'd met recently. It didn't smell like inuyoukai and it wasn't human either, but there was still something different and…ah shit.

He broke into a run, tracking the sound and scent while not even realizing that his heart was pounding angrily in his chest. Who did it, it wasn't on his orders, it damn sure wasn't on Sesshomaru's either, but he was going to rip their asses for this one. Damn fools, always taking it one step too far, dog demons not being known for their self restraint. Didn't that stupid punk of a fox know any better than to provoke them?

Inuyasha skidded to stop in front of a wardroom and slammed the door open with his palm. His eyes glittered in fury at the scene before him. Shiou and Haru got to their feet, looking guilty and not meeting his angry expression. Inuyasha glared at them, his gaze going to the table where they'd obviously been having an off duty drink, then his eyes tore to the corner of the room where a battered figure was slumped against the wall.

"You miserable pissants," he snarled, his hands curling into fists. "Who gave you permission to beat him up like that?"

Haru looked abashed and Shiou studied the ceiling. "Well, Inuyasha-sama," Shiou began. "He tried to escape, you see. We just stopped him."

Growling with fury, he stalked over to corner and grabbed the kitsune's hair. Kid was unconscious, his face bruised and blood crusted under his nose. He let go of the boy's hair and turned around, glowering. "You idiots nearly stopped him to death," he spat angrily.

"You should have heard what that little snot said to us," Haru said, his face going red.

"Yeah, he tried to trick us with some kind of illusion so he could run away," Shiou put in to defend their actions. "You said not let him out of his room!"

Patience had never been one of his strong points, Inuyasha was sure of that. He smiled slowly, turning to the guards and approaching them with a menacing air. Shiou and Haru exchanged apprehensive looks, backing away from Inuyasha-sama and trying not to show their nervousness.

"He's not in his room right now," Inuyasha told them coldly. "Looks like you disobeyed orders, boys."

A few quick blows later and both of the guards were unconscious themselves. Inuyasha rubbed his knuckles and glared down at them in agitation. Stupid bastards, they never listened. He'd have Jano sort them out for their actions later, right now he was more concerned about taking care of the fox brat who had enjoyed a harsher version of inuyoukai hospitality than was necessary.

"Assholes," he muttered, hefting the kid to his shoulder before stalking out of the room. "Don't they know I have to travel with this punk tomorrow?"

He grimaced to himself, thinking of what that woman was going to say when she saw her pet kitsune looking like his face had been used to break down doors. It wasn't going to be a pleasant journey; he could just feel it. What the hell was Sesshomaru thinking by making him do this?

Never mind, he told himself. He couldn't figure out his brother's mind any better than anyone else. Somehow he didn't think this brat of Kouga's was going to be plotting with anyone and if that damn Kouga was plotting something…

Inuyasha smiled nastily to himself, thinking of what he'd like to do to that arrogant wolf if he was foolish enough to betray his alliance with Sesshomaru. He almost hoped that this was a trick, some kind of ruse that Kouga and that priestess had cooked up.

Then he wouldn't have to feel guilty.

oOo

Kagome shifted restlessly, wishing that she could sleep. Every time she dozed off she was jerked back awake, the tension in her body making her twitch. She sighed and threw off the blankets for the fifth time that night. The room wasn't overly warm, but she was still sweating.

Grumbling to herself, she got up and stripped off her light yukata. It was damp with sweat and twisted around her body. Naked, she went to the window and looked outside. It was well after midnight, she decided as she looked up at the moon. A cool breeze washed over her bare skin, making her shiver slightly.

_You've really gotten yourself in a mess this time, Higurashi_, she thought, letting her elbows rest against the stone casement. Absently, she pushed her hair back and closed her eyes. Yes, a real mess. Her only hope of getting back to where she belonged lay in the very person she couldn't trust. She wondered how good her chances were in even making it back to the well.

He'd apologized to her, as if a simple statement could take away the dirty feeling of his hands, or the memory of his hot breath against her skin. Kagome shuddered again, this time it had nothing to do with the breeze that was gently caressing her. Did he think he could apologize for nearly raping her in the hallway?

_Bastard_, she thought, her mind turning in dark circles. She'd snapped, she knew that it had shocked him. Somehow his simple apology had sent her into a transport of pure rage, the pain and disgust writhing in her belly like a nest of snakes. She wanted to shove his words right back down this throat, tear his skin off so that maybe, just maybe, he'd have some idea of the hell he'd put her through.

But it was useless, useless as anything she'd ever done to defend herself. There was no way to erase the past, no way to take back what he'd stolen from her. How did he dare to think that an apology could ever suffice, as if words could mend the broken pieces of her soul. It made her sick to even think of it.

He might not remember who she was, remember who he had been, but it was obvious that nothing had really changed. He was still the same dominating demon bastard that thought he owned her. Kagome's hands curled into fists, her nails scraping against the hard stone. She had a right to her anger, she owned it, and it was a part of her.

And still, why had she let him kiss her like that? Why had she responded, even if only for a moment? Again her body betrayed her and Kagome's hatred for Inuyasha twisted and reformed itself into loathing for herself.

_You miserable slut_, she thought darkly. _He probably thought you wanted it. Isn't that what happened before? You should have fought and screamed every single time he touched you, instead you let him take what he wanted. You gave it to him like there was nothing else left_.

Slowly, she reached up to touch her throat, letting her fingers trail over her hot skin like a benediction. It was easy to remember that, easy to remind herself about how weak she had been. One slim hand slipped down her chest, cupping her breast just like Inuyasha had done, her fingers tightening on the soft mound of flesh until she felt her nails digging in just like claws.

That's why she had to get home, that's why she had to return and push the memories back again. His violence, his cruelty, her hatred was easy to live with. It was the way she'd screamed for him, begging him for more, that she found hard to accept. Why did she have to remember these feelings?

Kagome sighed, a tear slipping down her cheek before she realized she was about to start crying again. Seemed all she knew how to do anymore, cry for herself. Self pity hadn't gotten her back home before, it sure as hell wouldn't save her now. She wasn't a scared and traumatized child anymore, she wasn't in love with a boy who had become a monster. She had become stronger than that, strong enough to put aside the way he'd made her feel. It was in the past and that was where she was right now.

"Once upon a time," she whispered. "I thought that dreams could come true. Once upon a time, I thought I could be the one to change him. I was a fool to believe in fairy tales. There's no such thing as happy endings."

"Are you sure about that?"

She spun around, covering herself almost instinctively as she searched for the intruder. She didn't know if she should be glad or start screaming. Her knees shook unbearably and she pressed her back against the wall, the coolness of the stone against her buttocks seemed like reality. Reality shouldn't include dead monks.

"Why are you here?" she murmured, staring at Miroku's ghost. "I thought you were done with what you wanted to tell me."

Miroku smiled cryptically. "I am sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean to startle you."

She almost laughed and choked it back. It seemed like everyone was apologizing to her tonight. "Why should I be startled?" she asked, her voice still shaking. "I'm getting used to hallucinations and conversations with the dead."

"Ah good," he said, smiling brightly. "I always did admire you for your ability to adapt to the most trying circumstances." He glanced down at her naked body and a familiar leer crossed his face. "And I always admired you for your charming disregard of concealing garments."

She blushed, impossible to be embarrassed in front a hallucination, she thought. Deliberately, she dropped her arms and stepped away from the wall. "Is it just coincidence that you're here now," she asked, proud of the way her words seemed to match his nonchalant tone. "Are you always going to appear when I'm naked, Miroku?"

The monk closed his eyes reverently. "If Buddha permits," he answered, a mocking note to his familiar attempt at purity. He opened his eyes again, grinned and gave her a saucy wink. "If so, I must have led a better life than I had thought to be so rewarded."

Kagome wanted to laugh at his expression, every bit the lecher even in death. Miroku moved across the room and Kagome realized that he cast no shadow in the moonlight. She swallowed hard. This really wasn't funny.

"I see that you've managed to convince Sesshomaru to help you," he said mildly. "I told you that you would find a way."

She exhaled and rubbed her eyes. "Yes, for what it's worth. He's ordered Inuyasha to take me to the well and see if will open for him. That's the best I can come up with for now."

Miroku nodded, his expression grave. "And what are you going to do if it doesn't work?"

Bile rose in her throat, she refused to consider it. "I don't want to think about it."

"You should," the monk answered mysteriously. "You should be thinking about why it might have opened for you in the first place."

Kagome raised her eyebrows and went to pick up her yukata. She didn't miss the disappointed look in his eyes either. "I give up," she said, slipping the thin cloth over her shoulders. "Bad luck? The universe hates me? Are you saying there's a reason I came here?"

"I'm not saying that there isn't," he murmured.

"Bullshit," she said, her eyes glinting angrily. "I don't care even if there is some great spiritual reason. I'm not a goddamn priestess, Miroku. I gave that up along with believing that there was good in everything."

"If you aren't a priestess, don't you find it strange that some of your spiritual abilities are still so strong? It's not every woman that can flatten an angry daiyoukai with her aura."

She stared at him. "You know about that?"

Miroku smiled gently. "Of course, I'm sure that the spiritual realm is still quaking. Your power has been felt far from here, Kagome. I think you should know that."

She grit her teeth and turned her back on him. "If you know that, then you know everything else," she said, biting off the words like chunks of iron. "You know that son of a bitch hasn't changed."

"And what would you have done if he hadn't been interrupted?" Miroku asked quietly. "Would you have let him rape you against a wall, crying like a frightened schoolgirl?"

Kagome hissed, her breath caught in her throat. "Don't mock me," she whispered, tears prickling at her eyes. "You don't know how it feels, you didn't have him all over you. Am I just supposed to pretend that didn't happen?"

"I'm not asking you to pretend anything," Miroku answered, his voice gone hard and final. "I'm telling you to have more faith in yourself. You defended yourself once, you would have been able to do it again."

"I couldn't," she shouted, wanting to beat his face in if only he'd had substance. "I tried, damn you to hell. I tried to bring it up again and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do! I'm not a priestess, Miroku! I'm not Kikyou!"

She stopped, horrified by the turn her words had taken. Miroku smiled sympathetically. His hand moved as if he wanted to touch her to comfort her, but he pulled back and slowly closed his hand.

"No," he said solemnly. "You are not Kikyou. For that at least, we can be grateful. However powerful she may have been, you will need more than just her strength. You will need your heart, your compassion, and your ability to look beyond the surface. I don't envy you, Kagome. But I will do whatever I can to help."

Her eyes were wide and she felt cold from the inside out. "What are you talking about?"

His eyebrow quirked meaningfully at her. "When you were in the village with Shippou, did you not sense a presence nearby? An unbearably sad presence, like grief itself had been given substance and allowed to wander the land?"

Kagome stared at him, her mouth dropping open. "Yes," she whispered, forgetting that she was speaking to a ghost, a memory of a long dead friend. That thought drove Inuyasha from her mind, evaporated her hatred and worry. "I felt exactly that."

Miroku turned away, his outline already fading and his dark blue robes darkening to match the shadows against the stone walls of her room. "That is why we are lucky to have you and not Kikyou. I doubt she could remember pity for such a loss."

"Wait," she cried, reaching out for him. "Tell me what's really going on, tell me what that was about. Why wouldn't she…" Her hand closed on air and Kagome drew her arm back before sinking to her knees. Pity? What loss? What could possibly be more important that her own return to safety. Damn him! And damn her too.

Fate was laughing again.

oOo

"They will leave at dawn," Sesshomaru murmured, watching ghosts of his own as they danced in the fire. The flames leapt and played in shades of gold and amber, matching the demon lord's eyes. His expression was completely neutral, time itself could not etch regret upon his pale features, only tease them to a shade of melancholy that brought a touch of ethereal pain to his eyes.

"The arrangements have been made as you ordered, my lord." Jano's voice was quiet, a touch more pensive than usual. He was by nature a lighthearted youkai, known for his charming demeanor and his wry sense of humor. It was strange that they had been friends for so long, he reflected, watching as Sesshomaru studied the fire.

His wife often remarked on that, as usual, she often remarked that he could do with adopting a bit more serious a tone in his duties. She had the gift of understanding them both, Sesshomaru's dark and serious mind complemented Jano's easy going personality. They wouldn't have been able to tolerate each other if they weren't such opposites.

And Jano never questioned his decisions, knowing that Sesshomaru possessed a calm and calculating intellect that suited his responsibilities. It was day to day interactions with his people that tended to annoy him, make him short tempered and wrathful. His lord had not inherited his father's charisma.

Where Inutaisho had been the type of leader that had inspired fanatical loyalty, love even, in the hearts of his people, Sesshomaru tended to intimidate by his silent presence. No one questioned him, wanted to invite his notice. Although given to long periods of solitary reflection, Sesshomaru had never considered gaining his people's hearts to be a priority, or even a necessity, to his duty as lord of the West. He neither invited nor inspired warmth and many spoke of his icy indifference with fear and respect.

Not so for his younger brother, Jano thought, smiling a little at the thought. Inuyasha was fire to Sesshomaru's ice, blustering reality in contrast to his brother's cold mysticism. Jano thought it was funny that so many of the young ladies of the fortress pursued the temperamental young demon, including even the sole human resident. If Sesshomaru found Rin's infatuation with Inuyasha to be amusing, you'd never know it.

He sighed, running a hand over his dark hair and decided he was tired of waiting. Sesshomaru was perfectly capable of making him stand here for hours in silence and he'd learned years ago that sometimes you had to make the necessary gestures in order to get what you needed from him.

"Will that be all, my lord?" he asked politely. Makiko had a late supper waiting for him, he was sure. It had been a long and difficult day and he was glad to see the end of it. And he was sorry too, for the dawn would bring yet another change to their lives and Jano, for all he would never question Sesshomaru's decisions, thought that they would have done better to have turned that blasted priestess away instead of giving her what she asked for.

Sesshomaru waved a finger at him, still staring into the fire. "You may leave," he said, sounding as if his thoughts had been reeled in from far away. Jano bowed, his hair falling over his shoulder in a long sweep. It was bit more formal than needed, Sesshomaru didn't stand on ceremony in private. Public was an entirely different matter.

He headed for the door, thinking of what Makiko would say when he told her about the incident with the kitsune. He knew that she disapproved of this plan of allowing Inuyasha to escort the priestess and her fox demon friend back to this whatever it was. She was more than a little protective of Sesshomaru's younger brother and just as Jano was about to leave, he turned back and thought he might as well give voice to the one thing that had been bothering him the most about this plan.

"Might I ask a question, my lord?"

Sesshomaru pulled his gaze away from the fire. "Of course."

Jano took a deep breath. "I just wanted to ask, are you entirely sure that Inuyasha is stable enough for this task? Not that I question your reasoning, Sessh, but he will be going rather far from the fortress and could be gone for some time. I know that he gets…unreliable…if he's too far from Tenseiga. Makiko will express concern for his health if something should happen."

"It is not a concern," Sesshomaru said, his voice distant. "I am aware of the situation, but I have made my decision. It doesn't matter."

Jano frowned, leaning against the doorframe. "So you think he might have one of his turns while out there? Is that part of the plan? It seems like it would be a lot less trouble to simply kill them now if that's what you're intending."

Sesshomaru met his eyes. "It is not my intention that my brother murder either the woman or the kitsune in a rage," he said, his tone darkening slightly. "I'm sure she's aware of the risks. It will be up to her if she wants to survive him again."

He scowled briefly before folding his arms across his chest. "But that's dangerous for Inuyasha, isn't it? You've always said that the darkness needs to be kept in check, he could be in danger of losing himself again. I can't believe that…"

"It doesn't matter what you believe," Sesshomaru said, his voice hard with finality. "Nor does it matter that I would wish otherwise. I don't give a damn what happens to the woman, but it's pointless to deny her request."

"Then why didn't you just say no?" Jano asked in exasperation. Here was where their long association became evident. No one used that tone with Sesshomaru and expected to live. No one but Jano had ever done so. "If you want, I'll go with them, just to make sure he doesn't get out of hand. You should have seen him today, Sessh. It was bad, worse than he's been in a long time. She sets him off."

"Perhaps there is reason," the demon lord said, looking back into the fire for answers. "Perhaps this is the least he can do to mend his crimes against her. I do not care for a human's justice, but I will not have my brother die with no chance to resolve his own mysteries."

Jano blinked, startled. "But he's…Tenseiga, you've always told me that…"

Sesshomaru stood up, his silk robes flowing around him in a graceful arc as he stalked to the window. There he stood, staring up at the same moon even as Kagome stood at her own window and asked her own questions.

"I said it doesn't matter," Sesshomaru said quietly. "There's nothing that can be done for him anymore. Tenseiga has only been able to delay the inevitable. Now even the katana's mysteries are failing him, its hold over his destroyed mind has been waning. I would not want to be put in the position of executing him should his madness return."

His mouth dry, Jano swallowed hard, shaken by the news. "What are you saying?"

Sesshomaru's lips quirked in a bitter smile. How ironic that after seeking his brother's death for so long, he now found himself regretting his powerlessness to heal the damage done by a single, cursed jewel.

"My brother is dying," he said quietly. "There's nothing I can do to stop it. All I can give him now is the chance to rediscover his own memories and the person he used to be. I would not go to my death ignorant of my own past. I will do no less for Inuyasha.

"He is, after all, my brother."


	17. Seventeen

Possession 17

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She was shaking, staring at him. "All this time," Kagome whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "All this time you were only after the jewel?"

He couldn't look at her, focusing instead on the sparkling sphere that glowed between his fingers. She was going to hate him, there was no way he could tell her the truth. Even now, with Sango and Miroku dead, he couldn't bear to let Kagome see how weak and helpless he truly was.

"Of course I was always after the jewel," Inuyasha said softly. "I told you that from the beginning."

It was a lie and he was sure that she'd see right through him. Hadn't she always had some kind of power over him to do that? Maybe it was because she could drop him with a single word; maybe it was because she'd always been able to see inside him. It didn't matter; right now if he wanted to have the kind of power that would protect her, make him worthy of her, he had to bear it. Even if he had to pretend that she meant absolutely nothing to him.

"Miroku and Sango gave their lives to put an end to that jewel's evil," she said, pleading with him. "Don't make their sacrifice mean nothing, Inuyasha. Please don't do this."

Bitterness filled him at her accusations, that she'd so easily believe that he'd turn on her. It was necessary, but it still hurt him, left him wounded inside. If there'd been any other way…he wouldn't have chosen this. He'd never wanted her to hate him and he cursed himself for not finding a better solution.

He'd made the decision to use the jewel and become a full youkai the night after Sango and Miroku had died. Their sacrifice had shamed him, made him wish that he were stronger. They had been willing to die to protect what they loved, why couldn't he find it inside himself to be anything more than selfish?

The day had been hot, the air was thick and humid, hanging breathless in their faces like a foul and rotting stench. He'd seen exhaustion in the eyes of his human friends, exhaustion and waning hope. That was when he'd told himself that he would always be strong enough to fight for them, to protect them when they needed him. No matter what Naraku threw at them, he would not fail.

The bastard had chosen a grim and filthy piece of land to make his stronghold. Along the road, they'd seen the destroyed and burned out villages, the straggling survivors of Naraku's wrath. Inuyasha was sure that Naraku hadn't needed to kill so many people. No, this time he'd deliberately left these corpses like a trail, daring them to follow him, challenge him.

Kagome had broken down in tears when they'd had to bury children. It made Inuyasha sick. How many times had he seen her moved to tears by the pain of others? She didn't seem to notice that she was suffering every bit as much as these pitiful refugees. Naraku had loosed his demons again and again, driving out and murdering all the villagers in his path.

Her tears ate at him as he watched her and Sango pick the few remaining wildflowers to place upon the grave. They'd given up trying to bury the bodies individually by this time. A mass grave was the best they could do and Inuyasha knew better by now that to even suggest to his companions that they just leave the corpses to rot.

"Why is he doing this?" Kagome whispered, tears streaking her face. She'd turned her stricken eyes to his and reached for his hand. "These people couldn't have been any threat, they couldn't do anything to him. Why?"

"Suffering makes him stronger apparently," Miroku said, not bothering to hide the pain and fury in his voice.

"He won't be strong enough," Sango answered, her voice harder and bitterer than Inuyasha could ever remember hearing it. The exterminator seemed to burn with an inner fire every time she saw another ruined village, another dismembered and violated corpse.

"He's doing this to taunt us, he's doing this to show us that we can't stop him."

Miroku reached out to comfort her, but Sango turned away, anger in the line of her shoulders and her hands clenched into fists. The monk folded his arms and closed his eyes as if he were contemplating yet another blessing for the dead. Inuyasha didn't miss the set of his jaw or the way Sango's anger brought a bitter twist to his mouth.

"We will kill him," Miroku murmured, his voice as lost and forlorn as the ruined homes of dead innocents. "I swear to you, Sango. Naraku will pay for this and every crime he's committed.

The monk's words settled uneasily over Inuyasha. Like his companions, he also burned for his own revenge, but at the back of his mind something was gnawing at him. Something like instinct, sending warnings into his brain that he couldn't begin to interpret.

"What if it's a trap?" he asked, his voice quiet and calm in the face of their pain.

"A trap?" Kagome asked, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Inuyasha was suddenly filled with the urge to wrap his arms around her, offer some kind of comfort. But he held himself back as he always did. Now wasn't the time.

"Yeah," he muttered, looking away from her. "I just feel like he's drawing us to him for a reason, like he's got some kind of fucking plan. He wants us to find him."

"Of course he does," Miroku snapped, glaring at him. "He wants to gloat over us, he wants us to see what he's capable of. This is just another one of his games; he wants to break our spirits. Then he thinks we'll be easy prey for him."

"He might be right," Inuyasha said, meeting the monk's angry gaze. "I don't like it, something stinks here and I'm not talking about the dead."

Sango hissed angrily, turning to face him, but Kagome intercepted, making soothing noises. "We've got to at least consider that it might be a trap," she began.

"I don't care anymore," Sango cried, her eyes brimming with angry tears. "Let him trap us, let him think he can break us. We can't just turn around now!"

Kohaku, Inuyasha thought dully, unable to watch as the furious exterminator fell against Kagome's shoulder and wept like something inside her had broken at last. Her drive to free her brother had always exceeded any desire for revenge. Inuyasha wondered why he was the only one who could see it.

Naraku was winning. Slowly, they were starting to turn against each other in desperation for some kind of outlet for so much pain. This constant fighting, this constant death and destruction were eroding all of them. He had never thought that he'd be the one to suggest reason or caution. It was a strange place for him to be.

Only Kagome still seemed untouched by the bitterness, the despair. She'd cried openly over every victim, but he hadn't seen her start to freeze over and shut down to escape the pain. Instead she offered them all comfort and resolve no matter how hopeless things seemed. Even Shippou didn't smile anymore.

He felt a tug at his sleeve and looked down. The small kitsune had a pleading look in his eyes and although there was a time when he would have pushed him away, Inuyasha knelt down beside him.

"It's okay," he told the young fox. "We'll get him, don't worry about it. Everyone is just tired, that's all."

"What if it really is a trap?" Shippou asked in a small, frightened voice. Mustering a grin from somewhere, he roughly tousled the boy's lank red hair.

"Then we'll beat him," he said, his voice growing stronger with conviction. Hell if he'd let Naraku take them down before they even got a chance to strike him where it hurt. Kagome turned a grateful glance at him, realizing he was trying to keep Shippou from falling into the same despair that was eating at them like a corrosive miasma.

"Thank you," she murmured. He smiled faintly and stood up, clapping a startled Miroku on the shoulder and drawing the monk out of his foul meditation.

"We'll beat that bastard," he said, wishing he felt as confident as he sounded. "There's no way we won't win. He might be setting a trap for us, but this time we'll take him instead."

oOo

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Naraku had been waiting for them, just as he'd known that he would be. They'd battled their way through a host of demons, stronger than any they'd ever faced before. Sango and Kirara moved like lightning, striking down monster after cursed monster in a truly amazing display of their exterminator skills. The cat and the woman acted as one, Sango never needing to direct Kirara towards their targets. Hiraikotsu sailed through the air with the precision of a graceful bird of prey.

Miroku seemed to gain new energy by watching the determination with which the pair fought. Inuyasha found himself impressed by the monk's battle fury, his drive to fight through these monsters and slay the creature that had left so much pain in their lives. Even Kagome fought like he'd never seen her fight before. Her aim with her arrows was nothing less than perfection and he ruefully remembered how he'd taunted her, years ago, about never being the master archer that Kikyou had been.

Finally, they'd battled their way to the center of the storm, the abomination that was Naraku. He'd grown in power, letting them waste their energy pursuing his minions, his distractions. Everything had been a ruse from the beginning, their pursuit of his human heart. Hakudoushi. Mouryoumaru. It had all been a carefully crafted plan to allow him to gain control over the jewel.

"Naraku!" he shouted, using the Tessaiga to blast a path towards their hated enemy. Suddenly, they found themselves standing on the edge of a rocky precipice, separated from their quarry by a vast pit of molten lava. The heat pouring from the pool of angry fire was immense. Inuyasha could smell his own hair scorching just from standing so near.

"Keep back," he snapped, realizing the frail human bodies of his companions would never endure the infernal temperatures. Reluctantly, they fell back as Inuyasha gauged the distance. It wasn't all that far, he was sure he could make it.

"Inuyasha," Naraku laughed, making sure his voice was heard clearly. "Are you afraid to come for me? Could it be that you doubt your own strength?"

"Like hell," he snarled. He backed up a few steps, sheathing Tessaiga as he did so. "You think a little thing like a pit of fire is going to keep me back? You ain't learned a damn thing, Naraku!"

"Inuyasha, don't," Kagome said, running forward and latching hold of his sleeve. "Can't you see that's what he wants?"

He yanked his arm angrily from her grasp. "Of course I know," he snapped, angry with her for distracting him. He needed all of his concentration to make this leap. Naraku was waiting for him, taunting him. He had to try; it was destined to be this way. He would succeed and slay the monster, or he would die in the attempt. He wasn't afraid to die, not if it meant destroying Naraku.

"Please," Kagome begged. "Not like this, I have a terrible feeling…"

"Bah," he said, brushing her away. Roughly, he shoved the girl back so that she fell into Miroku's arms. "Don't let her go," he yelled, pointing a claw at Miroku.

The monk nodded, backing away as he held Kagome's arms. "Inuyasha, no!" she screamed, wild with terror. "It's a trick, please listen to me! He's not really…"

Whatever Kagome was trying to tell him was lost in the roar of the flames; they grew even higher as he readied himself. Inuyasha ran hard at the pit, gathering his strength and focusing on propelling himself not over, but directly through the wall of flame that rose up to meet him. So Kagome thought he was dumb enough to do what Naraku expected. Not fucking likely.

He covered his face with his arms as he hit the fire, feeling it lick angrily at his firerat clothing, singeing the ends of his hair. Naraku thought he'd jump for the ledge, but Inuyasha aimed for just under it, hitting the wall hard and digging in with his claws. He slid a few feet before he caught a good hold and started to angrily propel himself up the rocky slope.

With a dramatic leap into the air, he came down only a few feet from where Naraku stood, drawing Tessaiga and unleashing a massive Kaze no Kizu even as his feet hit the ground. The sword's energy spun around them in a whirling wind of energy, blinding him and Naraku effectively. Any barrier that Naraku might have raised was shattered and Inuyasha ran at Naraku and amazingly, he caught him.

Inuyasha pinned his hated foe against the far side of the ledge, his claws tearing into Naraku's flesh. He expected screaming, cursing and rage, but instead all he heard was a low, vicious laugh that sent a blaze of anger through his veins.

He had Naraku's throat in his hands; their faces were only inches apart. _He's not a puppet_, Inuyasha thought furiously. _It's really him; I've really got him at last!_

"So, you think you've won, Inuyasha?" Naraku asked, sounding anything but cornered or panicked. "You believe that you have at last revenged yourself upon me? You are entirely too predictable."

"You're already dead," Inuyasha hissed. Nothing had ever felt as good as this, digging his claws into Naraku's throat, smelling the foul blood. He was ready to just tear this monster apart with his bare claws.

"Really?" Naraku sneered. "Isn't there something that you've forgotten? Your friends perhaps? Would you trade their lives for my death?"

He couldn't help himself; he had to look to be sure. Without letting up on his death grip on Naraku's neck, he cast his gaze over his shoulder. He could see them clearly, standing safely on the other side of the gulf. Sneering, he started to turn back to finish what he'd come to do, when a motion to his right caught his attention.

"Kohaku!" He heard Sango scream her brother's name as the boy staggered to the edge of the pit. His expression was horrified and confused, but he didn't seem to be under Naraku's control. Instead, Kohaku looked utterly lost, his eyes wide and staring as he moved ever closer to the edge.

"You bastard," Inuyasha growled, tightening his hands on Naraku's throat. "You can't fool me, you won't let him fall. You wouldn't chance losing the shard in his back!"

Slowly, lazily, Naraku raised his hand and something glinted from between his fingers. "You mean this shard?" the monster whispered.

"Sister?" the boy yelled, his hands held in front of him as he stumbled blindly. "Sister, where are you? I can't see you!"

"Kohaku, no!" Inuyasha shouted. "Stop where you are!"

The boy seemed not to hear him, fumbling his way closer to death. "Sister?"

"He can't hear you," Naraku whispered intimately, his lips only inches from Inuyasha's ear. "He only hears what I tell him, and right now his sister is telling him to come to her."

"You son of a…" Inuyasha hissed. He didn't know how Naraku had managed to keep Kohaku alive after removing the shard, but he knew that Naraku would do such a thing. Just to make them watch the boy fall to his death.

"Inuyasha!" Sango screamed, barely held back by Miroku and Kagome. "Stop him, please! Don't let him die like this!"

A dark chuckle sounded and Inuyasha felt icy fingers touch his cheek. "Yes, Inuyasha, save the boy. The exterminator has suffered so much, she shouldn't have to watch her dear brother die while you stand by and do nothing!"

Furious, he shoved Naraku away and sprinted towards Kohaku. He'd knock the kid senseless and then go right back to the business of destroying the monster. He was a fraction of a second too slow, Kohaku suddenly tumbled over the edge with a piercing wail.

"No!" Sango was already astride Kirara and diving towards her brother. Inuyasha stood frozen in horror as the boy fell, his sister only moments behind him when suddenly the flames leaped up and engulfed them both. He heard Sango's anguished screams of pain, they echoed in his ears and Inuyasha stared down into the hellfire, straining for a glimpse of them.

"Sango!" he heard Miroku shout, as the monk threw himself down to reach helplessly for the woman he loved. "Sango, no!"

Horrified, Inuyasha could only watch as his friend screamed and swore, finally ripping the prayer beads from his hand. Shocked, Inuyasha staggered backwards. _He's not going to_…

Miroku opened the wind tunnel for the last time. Floods of molten fire rushed up to him, sucked into the hellhole of Miroku's cursed hand. The monk's screams turned piercing, his body flailing wildly as he tried to control the wind tunnel, continuing to suck in great gulfs of lava. His shrieks were of pure agony as even the curse of his hand wasn't able to ingest such quantities of heat and molten rock.

A great wave of fire surged over the side of the crevice towards Miroku and Inuyasha caught a glimpse of his friend's agonized face as he tried to hold his ground. For a moment, it seemed he was successful in controlling the wind tunnel and then a sound like a muffled explosion shook the ground. Inuyasha stared in agonized helplessness as Miroku's body was flung high into air.

"You murdering bastard," Inuyasha swore, turning back to Naraku with pure fury in his eyes. "I'm going to tear you apart!"

"Will you do that, Inuyasha?" Naraku sounded bored, only the gleam of evil in his eyes betrayed that he was enjoying himself immensely. "You would sacrifice your woman's life just to slay me?"

The evil hanyou pointed over Inuyasha's shoulder and again, Inuyasha found himself compelled to look. The lava that had surged in response to Miroku's wind tunnel had pooled on the ground and surrounded Kagome and Shippou. The girl was trapped, holding a terrified Shippou in her arms as she tried to find a way around the glowing mass.

"Kagome!" he shouted, getting ready to run to her.

"A pity," Naraku sneered. "You won't be in time."

Snarling with frustration, Inuyasha ignored Naraku's taunts and threw himself across the gorge. He hit the edge, scrabbling desperately up the side of the wall even as the heat burned into his hands. Heedless of any danger to himself, Inuyasha tore across the seeping lava flow to grab Kagome and leap to safety. His heart was hammering in his chest as he landed, quickly setting Kagome and Shippou down so that he could look at them.

"Are you okay?" he demanded.

Kagome coughed and nodded, tears streaming from her eyes. "Inuyasha," she whispered. "Sango...Miroku…"

"I know," he murmured, touching her hair. Shippou was unconscious, from the heat or the fumes, Inuyasha wasn't sure. "Stay here," he said, stripping off his haori. He covered the pair with the fire proof material and stood up. Naraku still stood facing him from across the molten earth, smirking.

It was time for this to end. Grimly, Inuyasha unsheathed Tessaiga, the sword transforming instantly to the immense fang that was its true shape. "Naraku," he called, anger and pain making his voice rough. "It's time for you to die."

"Kaze no Kizu!"

He caught a glimpse of Naraku's manic grin just as he unleashed the power of the katana, sending a furious wave of destructive energy right at the evil monster. Naraku hadn't even bothered to raise a barrier against him, he'd been that confident of his victory.

Naraku flung up his hand as the surge of youki reached him and Inuyasha thought that it was nothing more than a desperate gesture. The power slammed into the opposite wall of the gorge, glowing brightly and making the air sparkle. Inuyasha lowered his blade, waiting for the smoke to clear. Naraku would be dead, nothing could have withstood…

"Fool!"

Naraku stood alone, untouched and laughing at him. One hand was still held high above his head and a glow was emitting from between his fingers. "Thank you, Inuyasha," Naraku said, his voice full of gloating triumph. "I needed you to perform this one test for me, to prove that even your Tessaiga is no match for the power of this completed Shikon no Tama!"

Naraku's body pulsed, power radiating from him. "You think you can defeat me now?" he sneered. "This kind of strength goes beyond that of a mere sword and without your sword, you are nothing!"

Inuyasha brought Tessaiga's blade up to block the wave of sheer energy that suddenly erupted from Naraku's hand. The maelstrom swirled around him, tearing at his hair and skin; Tessaiga was shaking, screaming in his hand. Inuyasha realized that the blade's own power must have been absorbed by Naraku and was being unleashed upon them tenfold.

_Got to block it, turn it back…Kagome and Shippou…I can't lose them!_

Tessaiga screamed, a wail of agony that shook his entire body with pain. The katana pulsed once more and transformed back into its sleeping appearance of a rusty blade.

"No!" Inuyasha shouted, frantically trying to deflect Naraku's blast. "Don't fail me, Tessaiga!"

A thousand swords sliced into his skin, Inuyasha could feel nothing but pain, nothing but sheer bone-breaking fury as he tried to use his body to shield Kagome and Shippou. They were still huddled under his haori and Inuyasha knew that their weaker bodies would be torn to pieces by this power. Furious, he threw the blade on the ground crouched over Kagome and Shippou, the only thing standing between them and certain death.

_It's killing me… I can't stand it!_

It wasn't going to be enough; they were all going to die at Naraku's hands. Just as Sango and Kirara, just as Miroku, there was nothing left to defend them, no strength left to fight….

He felt surge of power from somewhere deep inside him and Inuyasha growled deep in his chest. His blood caught fire and he felt the darkness inside him swelling, overpowering his mind with a raw, instinctive will to survive. His youkai blood brought to the surface by imminent death and his own half human heart's need to stay alive to protect the ones he cared for.

Snarling, he threw back Naraku's attack with a surge of his own youki, his demon side rising like a fiery tide inside him. The energy crashed against the wall and he dropped into a feral crouch, ready to attack again. His enemy was nowhere in sight. Naraku was gone.

A whimper drew his attention and Inuyasha growled, long claws reaching for the flesh that was huddled beneath the red fabric. His desire for blood wasn't sated, not at all; he needed to destroy, to kill.

Laugher from behind him and the demon whirled, sharp claws already striking for the source. He found nothing but air, nothing of the prey he needed to find before…

"Pathetic. In your mindless fury, you can defend yourself, but you are only dangerous to the ones who would have protected. Go on, Inuyasha. Be the demon that you truly are! Kill those weaker than you…it is your nature…"

_No!_

He fought back the instinct with everything he had, restraining himself impossibly. Somewhere in his tormented mind, he knew this wasn't what he wanted. Desperately, he reached for Tessaiga again, hoping that its seal would still be strong enough to save Kagome before he completely transformed into a mindless beast.

As soon as he touched the katana, a sense of peace flooded him and Inuyasha dropped to his knees, panting. His hands were shaking. In another minute or two, he wouldn't have been able to turn it back. The strength that had saved them was too much to control. He'd never be strong enough on his own. Tessaiga had failed him.

And he had nearly failed himself.

_**Present Day**_

When he dreamed, he dreamed of fire. Raging infernos of molten rock, white-hot agony, sometimes it felt as if his very blood would boil from the heat. Inuyasha tossed restlessly in his sleep, unaware that sweat was pouring from his body.

_Hurry, can't stop, they're going to die. Have to save them, have to save her! _

In his mind, the flames roared around him. He was in forest of fire; he was in a nightmare of blazing suns. He ran hard, his lungs and heart pumping furiously as he tried to make the jump to get them out of this danger. A body was slung over his back, he didn't know who it was, and he only knew that he had to save her…

He reached for his sword in the dream, the sword of his father's fang. Desperately, he hacked at the fire, the slim, rusted blade slicing and having no effect on the inferno. He growled his frustration, threw the sword to the ground only to have it melt and reappear in his palm.

_Help me_, he implored of the katana. _You're supposed to protect me, protect her! What good are you? You're useless!_

The flames parted then, an icy wind almost ripped his sweating flesh from his bones. Inuyasha found himself thrown to his knees, the burden on his back falling limp beside him. He couldn't move, as painful as the flames had been, this cold darkness was far worse.

_Inuyasha_.

He looked up when he heard his name called, a tall form striding out of the darkness, engulfed in a silver light. He couldn't see its face, but his heart pounded harder just the same.

"Father?" he whispered, shocked to see the towering figure that dominated him not just by its size, but also by the sheer power that was pouring from it.

_You disappoint me, Inuyasha. I sacrificed everything for your life and you throw away my gift_.

Shamed, he bowed his head, not willing to look into his dead father's eyes. "I know," he rasped, bitterness like salt on his tongue. "I'm too weak, I couldn't save them. I'm…sorry, father. I'm sorry."

_Coward. You shame me as you have shamed yourself with your weakness. Give her to me_.

"No," he gasped, suddenly terrified. Blindly, he groped for the still form next to him. "You can't take her, she's all I have."

_You killed her yourself. Look at what you've done. You are no son of mine!_

Inuyasha stared down at the body in his arms. A woman, her face and throat shredded and blood still flowing from her wounds. His hands were wet with it, stained with bright crimson. The long black hair wound around his arms, restraining him. Frantic now, he tried to free himself, tearing at the hair over and over as it wrapped itself around him.

"Please," he said, his voice rough and fading. "I only wanted to protect you. Don't leave me!"

The woman's bloody face turned to him and her mouth opened wide, far wider than a normal human's should have. Darkness flowed from her lips, washing over him in wave after wave of despair and regret.

_I love you, Inuyasha. I will always love you. Even in death, you will follow me_.

"Kikyou?" he whispered, struggling again. "NO! You aren't her! You aren't her!"

_My son, my poor son. Come to me, let me hold you_…

"Get away from me!" he screamed, tearing at the hair that still bound them together in a cocoon of inky blackness. "You aren't my mother!"

A bright light cut through the darkness, bathing him in peace. His father's ghost vanished, as did the illusions of dead women who had loved him. He couldn't see, it was so bright, so warm, and so peaceful. A soft hand reached for him and touched his face.

_Inuyasha_.

Her voice was like a gentle breeze, she smelled of summer, green grass and fresh dew. Wildflowers. "Please," he whispered. "You're the only one who can save me."

_I believed in you._

_I trusted you_.

He opened his eyes. She was already gone.

oOo

After the dream faded, Inuyasha lay awake and stared at the dark ceiling. It was always the same dream. The fire, the terror, his father condemning him as worthless and shameful.

Bastard.

Inuyasha swore bitterly as he sat up, pushing clumps of matted hair away from his face. His body was sticky with dried sweat and his limbs ached as if he'd really been running instead of just dreaming of it.

He hated this. He hated not remembering, he hated dreaming about death and destruction. It didn't happen, he told himself angrily as he got out of bed and stalked over to the basin he kept in his room. He washed his face with cool water, letting the drops fall from his cheeks and into the surface. A light breeze came from the open window and outside the clouds parted briefly, allowing the light of the moon to fill the room.

It touched the still water and turned it silver, making the basin a mirror for his distressed reflection. The moonlight caught his golden eyes and turned them pale, swimming like muted suns covered by mist. Thoughtfully, he touched a claw to the water just to see it ripple. The reflection shattered and reformed around his finger, mocking him.

"You're in a morbid mood tonight," he told his reflection. Wisely, the image in the water didn't answer and Inuyasha turned away.

Sesshomaru thought the dreams might be memories that he didn't want to acknowledge. Since his stubborn mind refused to unlock the secrets of his past consciously, it chose instead to attack him in his sleep. He'd never told Sesshomaru that he dreamed of their father. For some reason, he was hesitant to bring the subject up with his older brother. It wasn't something they talked about and Inuyasha got the distinct impression that there were things better off not discussed.

Sighing, he sat down at the window to watch the night pass, a favorite occupation of his when peaceful sleep eluded him. Inuyasha leaned his head against the cool stone of the wall. It might have been easier to pass the time if he'd had some entertaining company, but the last thing he wanted right now was a woman in his bed. Not after what had almost happened with that human.

It had been a long time since he'd lost control like that. The madness, the fury that could consume him had come on so suddenly at the sight of her in those clothes. He hadn't had time to fight it. Instead he'd been instantly pissed off, enraged by her resemblance to Kikyou.

That bitch had put her mark on him in more ways than one, he thought, rubbing the scar on his bare chest that would never completely fade. Left him to die, left him to hang on a tree for fifty fucking years. It was no wonder that he had more holes in his brain than he'd been born with. Abruptly, he wondered if he'd dreamed at all during that time. If he'd just been asleep, he could have dreamed.

If he'd been dead, why the hell had anyone bothered unseal him? His brother wouldn't tell him, but that didn't mean that Sesshomaru didn't have the answer. All he knew was that someone had freed him from Kikyou's seal that should have lasted for eternity. Inuyasha grinned bitterly to himself, imagining a centuries old rotting corpse stuck to a tree. Only he'd been perfectly preserved, frozen in time as a fly caught in amber.

He wondered why to this day why she'd turned on him.

Because she didn't trust you, the voices whispered in his mind, because you were just a hanyou with filthy demon blood. Kikyou wouldn't have let you touch more than her hand no matter how much she said she loved you. That was why she wanted you to become human. A weak human male, something she could dominate. That was what that bitch wanted.

Shut up, he told himself, realizing that he'd find no peace at all with those kinds of thoughts running circles in his mind. So she lied. So she didn't love me at all. So fucking what? I'm better off like this, better off with my own kind. At least youkai women never flinched away from the touch of his claws or made him feel like nothing more than a beast that had been freed from its cage.

Inuyasha yawned into his fist, realizing he was more tired than he wanted to admit. A week patrolling the borders of his brother's territory, a hard run home with an unconscious wench over his shoulder. A kick to the balls that he absolutely had not deserved…at the time anyway. He wished he'd just let that monster eat both her and that stupid kitsune of hers.

Still, when he'd kissed her in the corridor, pressed her soft and yielding body close to his, he could have sworn she responded in kind. Something had passed between them before she'd recovered her senses and realized that she didn't want him anywhere near her precious self. No wonder his instincts had been confused, any male would have been confused by that.

He leaned his head on his arm and closed his eyes. Human bitches. They were more trouble than they were worth. He wouldn't make that mistake ever again.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

"This is what I've always wanted, to become pure youkai. I never wanted to be only human, Kagome."

"You would have done it for Kikyou," she whispered.

"I was in love with Kikyou."

He watched as she sank to her knees, her hair hanging limply in her face. "You used me."

It was hard for him to hear her say that, but he'd already made up his mind. He didn't expect her to understand. She couldn't know how close he'd come to killing both her and Shippou. What if the next time he transformed Tessaiga's seal failed to keep the wild youkai blood from devouring his mind? Inuyasha hated admitting he was too weak to control it; using the jewel to become full youkai was all he could do to make sure it never happened again.

"Don't take it like that," he said quietly. "This is for the best." His hand reached out to stroke her face and Kagome flinched away from his touch. "Look at me," he murmured as he ran his clawed fingers over her hair. She didn't look at him; she couldn't stand the sight of him right now.

He could barely stand it himself. But if it meant protecting her…

He loved her. He knew it now; he knew what he'd never been able to admit to himself before. He loved Kagome and he'd do anything to keep her with him. He was willing to make this sacrifice, even if it meant that he'd lose that human side of himself that ached for her, ached to hold her in his arms. He was doing this for her and now she wouldn't even look at him.

Suddenly angry, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "When I tell you to do something, Kagome, you'd better do it."

She met his eyes with defiance. "I hope you'll be happy as a pure demon, Inuyasha. I hope it's everything you ever wanted because I'm not going to be here to watch."

Sullenly, he let her push him away as she stood and started to gather her things. Once he used the jewel, he could explain himself. Then he'd show her that he was strong enough, that he was the one who was worthy of her. Still, in the back of his mind, he was forced to wonder.

Was he doing the right thing?

Was this what he really wanted?

Coward, he thought to himself bitterly. The jewel burned between his fingers, begging him to use it. All the power and self control he'd ever dreamed of, everything he needed. All he had to do was wish for it and then she'd see, she'd understand.

He could tell her the truth.

In his human form, he'd always been too afraid to sleep. Late at night, he'd sit awake and stare into the dark sky, wishing for the dawn. He couldn't even protect himself when he was stuck in a miserable human body. The night after Sango and Miroku had died, he'd almost given into his weakness, his human need for comfort.

It would have meant so much to him to be with her, if he'd only been worthy. She didn't understand why he'd had to push her away. Bitterly, he'd realized too late that he loved her, but if he'd wanted to ask Kagome to be his mate, to be his wife and stay with him forever, he needed to be sure that she wouldn't suffer. She deserved better than a lowly hanyou, a half demon that was wracked with guilt and fear. He wanted her to be proud of him.

The jewel was the only way he could be what she needed.

oOo

Since transforming into a full youkai, he'd found a lot of things about her hard to stand. Kagome had always managed to annoy him with her questioning, but now it ran along his nerves like the sharp edge of a knife. She was human, his blood told him that she was inferior for that reason and she should obey him without question. She belonged to him, plain and simple.

Sometimes he found himself saying things that he'd never imagined, never dreamed he say to her. His brain burned with instincts he couldn't understand, frustrations that he'd found difficult to endure before he now found to be impossible. It seemed like his temper was always at the boiling point, damage and destruction just a slip away from him.

He hadn't used the jewel; he knew he hadn't wished for this. But it had used him, seeking out the demon blood that would catch fire and fulfill the power it craved. Inuyasha had given up trying to understand how it had happened. In the two weeks since the defeat of Naraku and his transformation, he'd given up all hope that he'd ever return to what he'd once been.

You should just let her go, he told himself when the darkness fell and he watched her sleep. Kagome cried in her sleep, tears she wasn't even aware of coursed down her cheeks in dreams. He wondered if she was crying for him or herself and decided it didn't really matter.

Stupid bitch. The thoughts came to him unbidden. Stupid and weak, just like all humans, just like he had once been. She thought he was being a bastard by keeping her from going home. She didn't know that something inside him was raging for her blood. And her body as well.

**Take her. She's yours to do with what you want. A demon wouldn't hesitate.**

No, he told himself furiously. He wanted her badly; the scent of her skin drove him mad with desire. He was filled with the drives of a youkai now, drives that said to throw this little wench on the ground and have her. Then kill her, lick her blood from his claws. It was only his true nature to do so.

_But…I love her_.

**Demons don't love. Demons take, demons conquer. Keep the woman as a plaything, make her scream in pain, and beg for mercy. When you're finished with her, when she's used up and you've twisted the last drop of pleasure from her soft body, then you can leave her corpse for the worms.**

_I won't do that to Kagome! She's mine! And I need her_.

The darkness laughed at him.

**Demons don't need humans. Just fuck her and be done with it. Once she's dead, you will be free of everything that held you to your human heart.**

With a howl of fury, he ran away from her, left her alone and unprotected in the dark forest. Over and over, he killed whatever crossed his path. Minor youkai, animals, nothing seemed to slake the bloodlust that wept for release. Nothing could stop the burning feeling of need for her. Nothing could answer the angry lust that wanted to destroy him.

Inuyasha found himself sitting alone on the forest floor, blood caking his claws and no memory of what he'd done. Tentatively, he sniffed his claws and was relieved to find that none of the blood belonged to humans. This time.

**Next time**, the darkness promised him. **It will be hers.**

No. It wouldn't happen. He was going to conquer this transformation and take control of himself. He wouldn't savage the woman he loved, the woman he wanted to love him. Inuyasha snarled to himself, filling with resolve to protect Kagome from everything, even his own twisted and painful desires.

He returned to her at dusk, not trusting himself to meet her eyes. She was his and he was bound to protect her, provide for her. But he couldn't trust himself to let her return to her home. Not when the madness might still take him over and he'd do something neither of them could live with.

"Inuyasha?" she asked, her voice soft and more timid than he'd ever heard it. "What are you doing?"

He'd killed for her. Bitterly, he set the skinned rabbits over the fire to roast. She was so stupid; didn't she see he was still trying to take care of her? He knew that she'd run out of her foreign food and he didn't trust himself to return to Kaede's village just yet. He wouldn't let Kagome go hungry.

"Supper," he said, his voice harsh and irritable. "You need to fucking eat. It's not like you can hunt on your own."

Why did everything he said to her come out like an insult? Inuyasha forced himself to ignore the hurt look on her face, the way she withdrew from him. Stupid little bitch, he thought, trying to calm the tide that seethed within him.

_I'm doing this for you_.

"Thank you," Kagome said. He risked a glance in her direction. The girl sat quietly with her legs tucked under her. Her face was dirty and her hair was unkempt. Kagome had always taken such pains to try and stay tidy. In all the time they'd traveled together, he couldn't remember ever seeing her look so lost and forlorn. So heartbreakingly vulnerable.

It was his fault.

**She's just a human bitch**, the darkness whispered in his mind. **She hates you now, why do you care? A filthy human priestess, we should have killed her long ago.**

"Shut up," he muttered, trying to make his hands stop shaking. He tucked them into his sleeves and glared at her. Now was no time to lose control, no time to break down into the weakness that would beg her to forgive him.

"Inuyasha?"

"I said, shut up!" he shouted, barely able to control the pain and rage that swam inside him. Kagome flinched away from him, shielding her face as if she thought him capable of striking her. Inuyasha sank back, resting his head in his hands.

_What am I doing?_

He looked up and met her frightened eyes. Grimly, he reached over and pulled the roasted meat from the fire. With a few swift passes from his claws, he neatly dismembered the rabbit and passed the meat to her.

"Here," he said gruffly, wondering if she could feel the shame that was writhing inside him. "Eat it, already."

She took it from him without a word, obviously too afraid of him to refuse. He could smell her tears, the faint salt, and her visible pain. He was a monster, he was a bastard, and if he had any decency left inside him, he'd just let her go.

**Too late for that**, the dark voice mocked inside his head. **You want her too badly to ever let her go. She's better off dead, just kill her and get it over with.**

"I won't," he whispered. He glanced up, watching Kagome through a veil of white hair. She nibbled delicately at the meat. Her soft lips opened and closed, he could see hints of her even little teeth as they pierced the rabbit flesh. A dart of a pink tongue, Kagome licked her fingers, looked up at him and smiled.

He was hard as a rock.

**Don't you think you've waited long enough?**

_I don't…I don't want to hurt her_.

**It's a little late for that.**

Her smile faded as she looked into his eyes and saw the darkness swimming in them. Slowly, she lowered her hands to her lap and stared at her fingers. She knew what was coming; she knew that he was finished with waiting.

He was breathing hard already, his body gearing up as his blood burned like fire in his veins. Inuyasha licked his lips as he stared at her. "Kagome," he whispered.

She didn't move as he got up and advanced on her like a predator. He heard Kagome gasp as he put his hands on her shoulders. Leaning close, he whispered in her ear.

"Did you have enough to eat, Kagome? I'm still hungry."

**Devour her…**

Warned by some instinct unique to women, the girl suddenly surged forward, trying to escape him. Inuyasha pulled her back, kneeling behind her as his hands encircled her neck. He could feel her pulse hammering under his fingers. It excited him, the scent of her fear.

**Take her…**

"Are you going to kill me, Inuyasha?" Kagome whispered. Her eyes were closed, her lips trembling. It made him want her all the more.

"Nah," he murmured, stroking her hair. "I'm not."

She shivered when he licked her throat, his claws scraping lightly along her skin as he brushed the hair away from her neck. "Inuyasha," she said, whispering his name like a curse that she was afraid to believe.

"I know," he answered, his voice soft. "Don't fight me, Kagome. You want this as much as I do."

"I…" Kagome's words were cut off when Inuyasha turned her face towards his and kissed her. His tongue stroked her lips, demanding entrance before pressing inside. His arm slid around her waist and held her tight against his chest; her chin cupped by the palm of his other hand. Kagome's body went limp against him, submissively accepting the kiss. Their lips finally parted moistly and Inuyasha pressed his cheek against hers.

"You taste so good." Hands sliding from her shoulders to her waist, she made a soft noise of protest when they slipped under her shirt. He wanted to laugh when she modestly tried to push his searching hands away, only tugging her up so that her back was pressed against her chest.

"Do you really want me to stop?" he asked, his tone mocking. She was like a bird trapped between his hands, her chest rising and falling rapidly in time with her breathing. He had no intentions of stopping, whatever she said.

There was a way between what his blood was demanding and the cruel nature of a demon. He wasn't giving her up, not at all. He wouldn't let the darkness inside him take her either. She was his, to do with whatever he wanted.

And he wanted for her to want him.

His hands cupped her breasts firmly, allowing her no time to be modest anymore. She twisted against him and brought her hands to his, trying to pry away his insistent but gentle touch. "No," she whispered.

Inuyasha kissed the back of her neck, inching his way down her collarbone and burying his face under her jaw. He could smell her arousal, her panicked response to his touch. The monsters in his mind wanted her blood, but Inuyasha wanted something else from Kagome. He wanted to hear her say his name.

"Don't," he said as she tried to pull away. Kagome twisted in his hold and tried to look at him.

"Inuyasha," she said, her mouth red from his kisses.

"You keep saying my name," he murmured, his hands never stopping their lazy exploration. "I like that."

She cried out when he reached for the waistband of her silly little skirt. As if she didn't know what it did to him. All these years, her legs had been revealed to his eyes, the smooth pale curve of her thighs, the way the breeze would lift her inadequate garment just enough for him to see the round shape of her hips. She was the one who'd driven him to this, she was entirely too desirable for him to ignore.

Her skin felt soft and warm as he let his palm slide down her belly to the place where her thighs joined. He stroked her thoughtfully, as gentle now as his kisses had been rough. She shuddered, leaning her head back so it would rest on his shoulders. Submitting to him. Not fighting him. Damn right she wanted it.

Under her clothes, he shoved her undergarments out of his way so that his hand was filled with her soft breast. He heard the hitch in her breathing when his rough calloused thumb grazed over a pert nibble. His other hand continued to stroke the downy softness between her legs, cupping her gently as if she were a treasure in his palm.

"Do you like this?" he asked, his breath hot against her ear. Kagome shivered and then gasped when his hand between her legs prodded deeper. She was already getting wet for him; the smell of her musk was intoxicating. Inuyasha let his finger hover over a particularly sensitive place, teasing her with a feather light massage.

Kagome whimpered, reaching for his wrist like she wanted to pull him away. Instead she held on desperately, as if she were terrified that he'd stop what he was doing. He ground his hips against her back, letting her feel the hardness of him. Let her know what was coming next.

"Don't," she said again as he attacked her throat with kisses. Her taste was driving him wild, every sense was alive and filled with her. The rest of world didn't exist for him; he was becoming lost, mindlessness with desire. But still, he managed to hold himself back. Before he was finished, she would be begging him to mount her, to make her his own.

Then Kagome would truly belong to him, only to him.

"Tell me what you really want," he whispered, massaging her in firm stokes. Her hips twisted, evading him, but he'd already found her. He was careful of his claws, knowing that he could hurt her so easily. He pulled her against him, lifting her almost and making her thighs spread apart even wider. Kagome's hips were trembling; she clamped her hands around his arms desperately and ground her body against his probing fingers.

"That's it," he murmured, lost in the scent of her hair. "Come for me, Kagome. I want to hear you cry my name when you come."

Her voice rose to a shrill, high pitch and she did as she was told. Kagome cried out his name as the climax wracked her body, both hands rose above her head so they could clench in his hair. She sobbed helplessly as he stroked her, enjoying the way her over sensitized nerves made her shudder and quake.

His blood rising in an ever-intensifying fire, Inuyasha hardly even knew himself as he stripped her clothing off and laid the girl out on the soft grass. His mind was awash in a red tinged flood of desire. He fell upon her with a fierce growl, tasting her breasts with possessive need. Nothing mattered anymore; she was his to claim at last.

His hands explored every curve and crevice of her body, Kagome whimpering softly and writhing under his touch. His tongue searched places of want and he covered them with kisses. He ached for her unbearably, his need hardly slaked as Kagome offered herself to him with every breathless cry, her hips lifting under his hands and her fingernails scrabbling to find his skin.

Inuyasha buried his face between her thighs and became drunk with her taste and her scent. He didn't need to breathe; he just needed to have her taste upon his lips. He sucked gently and probed her with his tongue. She was musky and sweet, addicting and elusive as the wind and he lifted her hips from the ground to meet his searching mouth.

Again and again, she cried his name to the tops of the trees and the pale, bloodless moon. Inuyasha lost track of time and became lost in her, lost in himself as his claws left long scratches on her hips and thighs. She trembled and broke, crashing in on him over and over. Still he continued, ruthless and demanding, forcing her to beg him for mercy at last.

"Please," she panted, barely able to raise herself on her elbows to look at him. "I…I can't…no more…Inuyasha…"

With a snarl, he dropped her and she looked up at him with her hair matted in sweaty strands over her cheeks. Her eyes were red and her knees trembled from exhaustion. She was utterly, completely his to claim now. Kagome wouldn't resist him; he'd left her nothing to protest with.

She was his. His to love, his to fuck, and his to protect. He'd never let her go, not now, not ever.

Growling, he tore at his clothing, letting the hakama slide to the ground and freeing his aching erection. His eyes were all but glowing crimson fire when he lifted her hips yet again, shoving himself into her as hard as he could.

Kagome screamed then, shrieking in sudden pain as he ruthlessly tore into her soft body. He could barely even hear her cries, his brain was on fire with primitive instinct, and his ears were filled with the roar of his own blood. Angrily, savagely, he thrust into her again and again, blood trickling down her thighs from where his claws pierced her flesh.

He'd meant to be gentle but he was too far gone to remember promises.

He came almost at once, hard and violent, a ragged howl tearing its way from his throat before he collapsed on top of her. Still hard, but not slaked, he let his weight rest on her exhausted body, thrusting his hips against hers in an angry rhythm. Her cries had subsided to muted sobs, her fingernails digging into his scalp as she pulled his hair.

He was rough, oblivious to her whimpers of pleasure or pain. His mouth devoured hers; heedless of the way his fangs snagged her lips as he drove himself inside her. Blood trickled from the corners of her mouth and he tenderly licked it away, lost in the scent of it, mindless of anything but the throbbing of his cock inside her. He tasted the tears and sweat as they mingled on her cheeks, savoring them until with low growl of pleasure; he spent himself inside her for the third and final time.

Dazed, he held her in his arms, wrapping himself in her warm scent. Kagome's heart was racing and he rested with his head on her breast, just listening as the girl's pulse gradually slowed. Her arms felt limp and heavy over his shoulders and her hips were still trembling under his. He squeezed his eyes shut, ashamed of how much he'd hurt her with his violent loss of self-control.

He was a monster, he was a bastard, he was a…

**Demon.**

In every sense of the word.

Pushing himself up on his hands, he stared into her face. It was streaked with tears or sweat, leaving grimy runnels down her pale cheeks. The words choked him.

_I'm so sorry, Kagome! _

_Please don't hate me!_

The darkness inside him laughed at such pitiable sentiments, it knew him better. It understood what he had become. Love and apologizes were beyond his demon blood. He couldn't take them back, no more than he could restore a girl to the innocence that had fallen in love with him.

He opened his mouth and the words that came out shocked him, devastated him so much that he wished that he had died at Naraku's hands, that Kikyou had dragged him off to the hell that he deserved. Anything before he'd made Kagome look at him with such fear and horror in her eyes.

"You're mine," he said coldly. "I've claimed you, I've covered you with my scent and filled you with my seed. You belong to me, Kagome. Don't you ever forget it because I'll kill us both before I let you go."

His heart twisted inside him at the look on her face, the shattered look in her eyes. Kagome turned away from him, covering her face as she sobbed like her entire soul was in pain. Inuyasha pressed his face into her shoulder even as his arms encircled her shaking form.

_I'll die if you ever leave me, Kagome. I…I can't protect you from myself but I can't let you go. Oh gods, forgive me_…

Long after Kagome had slipped into an exhausted sleep, Inuyasha lay awake and held her tightly in his arms, the last precious thing that had been torn from him. He'd given up his humanity, his right to her love, and he knew he'd force her to stay with him until one or both of them died from it.

Despair overwhelmed him and the darkness rushed forward to claim what was left of Inuyasha. He gave himself over willingly, fatally, and knew at last what his destiny had always been. He was damned and he had now damned only person that had ever loved him with a completely selfless heart.

This time, he knew there would be no salvation, no arrow to be pulled from what was left of his heart. Again he found himself sealed by a curse and there would be no wakening as the darkness settled over him like a shroud of night.

There would be no dawn.


	18. Eighteen

Possession 18

_**Present Day**_

Shippou moaned, rolling over on his belly and clutching his head with both hands. He felt like absolute shit, like every muscle in his body has been torn free and remolded in some pain-filled form. The healing of his injuries left him a little feverish and weak, but like it or not, he couldn't sleep any longer. He wished again that he were home, his true home with the wolf tribe. It had never occurred to him how much he'd miss them once he was alone and at the mercy of inuyoukai.

Stifling another moan, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. It didn't matter if he was hurt, Kouga wouldn't expect him to just lie down and let them win. Kouga would expect him to do everything in his power to protect Kagome, if not for love, then for honor. She'd protected them both and saved their lives on countless occasions. He wouldn't abandon her now, not even after Inuyasha's guards had worked him over to the point he felt sick at the idea of moving around.

He would protect her from him. Or die in the attempt.

He started when he heard a light tap at his door and when he didn't answer, it slid open and a young woman's face peered inside. "Are you awake, kitsune?" she asked.

Shippou snorted in derision and immediately wished he hadn't. It made his temples throb and he closed his eyes in response. "Don't you mean alive?" he asked bitterly. "And I'm not kitsune, my name is Shippou."

She grinned at his sullen tone and came into his room without his permission. "I know your name," Rin said, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "I remember you from years ago when you traveled with Inuyasha-sama. You've gotten bigger since then, but not much smarter or you wouldn't have been stupid enough to provoke Shiou and Haru into beating you to a bloody mess."

He glared at her. "I didn't provoke them," he snapped, irritated. "They had orders to beat me up, I just gave them an excuse to start."

Rin rolled her eyes. "Don't think that you're important enough to get special treatment, nobody told them to hurt you. They were just supposed to keep you in your room instead of letting you wander around."

"Yeah, whatever," Shippou muttered. He didn't want to talk about it with Rin. The spoiled brat couldn't possibly understand what he'd been through and he was still pissed at her for striking Kagome. Rin didn't understand a damned thing; she didn't know her precious Inuyasha-sama was really a monster. She didn't care that the son of a bitch had betrayed them, hurt them so much more than just physically.

Rin quirked an eyebrow and planted her hands on her hips. "So, are you hungry? I heard that you didn't eat at all last night."

"I don't need anything from you."

She rolled her eyes again and Shippou decided he was growing to hate that expression. "Come on," she said, grinning at him. "You don't have to be scared. I won't poison you."

Shippou glowered at her. "I'm not scared!" He got up with a grimace and approached her. "I'm not scared of you, Inuyasha, or even Sesshomaru. Got it?"

Her smile widened even more.

oOo

His nose was twitching involuntarily at the savory smells. Some kind of meat stew, hot rice, and some plump looking dumplings. Mouth watering, he suddenly realized that he was ravenously hungry and if it was part of these dogs' plan to poison him, he really didn't care anymore.

Shippou slurped down half the stew in a single gulp and packed three dumplings into his mouth. Rin stared at him as he ignored the civility of utensils to dig up a mouthful of rice with his bare fingers. Annoyed, she grabbed up a set of chopsticks and used them to give him a hard rap on his wrist to make him slow down.

"Don't you have any manners?" she scolded when he glared at her. "I know you were raised by wolf youkai but that's no excuse to act like a savage."

He ignored her, continuing to eat as fast as he could. "I haven't got time to be nice," he grunted, reaching across the table to spear the remaining dumplings on the tips of his sharp claws. "I'm getting the hell out of here, I have to protect Kagome."

The girl scowled back at him, folding her arms over her chest. "I'm sure she's just fine," Rin muttered, looking past his shoulder and focusing on the bare wall as the source of her irritation. "Everyone is so worried about that stupid woman being here. If I'd had my way, Sesshomaru-sama would have thrown the both of you back out into the wilderness where you belong."

Shippou wiped his mouth on the back of his wrist, ignoring Rin's disgusted expression. "You have no reason to hate her," the kitsune said angrily. "She never did anything to you, Rin. Quit acting like such a brat."

"I'm not," the girl said stubbornly. "I don't hate her because of anything she did or didn't do to me. I hate her for trying to killing Inuyasha. I know all about it, she used that jewel on him and he almost died from it."

Shippou stared at her for a moment, not believing that she was serious. When he realized that she was, he couldn't hold back. A loud, sarcastic laugh burst from him, tinged with bitterness and real disgust. "Is that what you think happened? You're fucking stupid if you believe that. You don't know what really happened. I wish she had cursed him, I wish that Kagome had actually had it inside her to give that bastard what he deserves."

"And what would that be?" Rin asked sarcastically. She leaned over the table, staring down at him. "What could be worse that what she did to him already? He almost died…"

"I wish he had!" Shippou's shout caught Rin by surprise and she suddenly found herself facing a very angry kitsune. The young fox glared at her, his eyes burning with bright green fire as he spat out the words with every ounce of hatred he could muster.

"He used the jewel on himself. He'd already defeated Naraku with Kagome's help and at the sacrifice of both Sango and Miroku's lives. They were our friends, understand? He didn't care about them, about her or me. He just cared about stealing the jewel for himself."

"I don't believe that," Rin growled, sounding very much like a demon herself. "He was sick and dying when Sesshomaru-sama brought him here, he couldn't have hurt anyone! He couldn't even defend himself, he was that weak. She used that cursed jewel on him like he was something to experiment on. It wasn't his fault!"

Shippou's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why are you defending him?" he demanded, backing the girl into a corner. Far from looking scared, Rin leaned against the wall, completely at her ease as she folded her arms over her chest. He noticed for the first time that her anger made her cheeks flush very prettily and her dark eyes almost sparkled when she glowered at him.

"I defend him because I am his friend," the girl said loftily. "I would never abandon him the way you did!"

Rin's eyebrows lifted in surprise when Shippou's face fell, going from annoyance and anger to a quickly hidden pain. Just for a moment, she thought, he'd looked like he was grieving, like he was remembering something so awful that he couldn't bear it.

"What's the matter?" she asked, wondering if her words had meant something else to Shippou. She felt driven to defend Inuyasha, he was her friend and she wanted for them to be much closer someday. Shippou shook his head, moving away from her and leaning heavily against the wall himself. She was alarmed at the sudden paleness of his face against his bruises.

"Should I call the healer, Shippou? You look sick."

He smiled but his eyes held no humor in them. "Nah, just leave me alone. I can't… I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Embarrassed, she shifted from one foot to the other, a habit that she'd picked up in childhood. Jaken had often scolded her about it, telling her that it made her seem graceless and indecisive. The kitsune just looked at the floor, his dark red hair hanging in his eyes and his breathing rough with suppressed emotion.

Rin reached out to him slowly until the tips of her fingers brushed his arm. Shippou glanced up and then away. Stupid little brat, what did she know anyway? He'd been Inuyasha's friend once. He'd counted on the hanyou, believed him. He'd seen him as both a protector and an older brother. Someone he could rely on, someone he could always trust.

If he hadn't loved him, hadn't trusted him, it wouldn't have hurt so much when Inuyasha abandoned himself to the evil of the jewel. Shippou wouldn't have had to cry himself to sleep those long, terrible nights before Kagome escaped, he wouldn't have spent the last ten years harboring pure bitterness in his heart. He wouldn't have to give a damn about Inuyasha except for the fact that…

They had once been friends.

But Rin couldn't know that, couldn't possibly understand. Her hand touched his lightly, almost like a feather before it retreated. He glanced up in spite of himself and met her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He didn't want her sympathy, not for all the wrong reasons. Gruffly, he pulled his arm away and turned his back on her. "Heh, you're his friend," he sneered, letting his contempt wash over her like a shroud of hatred. "I feel sorry for you, Rin."

At her startled glance, Shippou found his mouth twisting into a bitter smile. Rin should learn to understand what kind of demon Inuyasha really was. He didn't deserve her friendship or her protection. It was all just a lie.

Angry now, he leaned forward until he did see a flicker of concern cross her face. "I heard what you said to him in the forest," he whispered, watching her eyes carefully. "You think you're in love with him. You think you know him, but you don't."

Her chin came up defiantly. "I do know him," she began.

Shippou grabbed her shoulders. "No, you don't," he growled. "You're an idiot to love him, he doesn't deserve it. He never did, not ten years ago, and not even now!"

Rin shoved him violently, hitting him across the face in a wild slap. "Let me go!" she cried as she tore herself out of his hands. "Don't touch me!"

He caught her as she ran, grabbed her around her waist with her arms clamped at her sides. She fought to break his hold, but Shippou was careful not to hurt her, just keep her from leaving.

"The truth is that he won't ever love you," he hissed angrily. "It's not your fault, I don't think he can care about anyone. The last person I'd have thought he'd hurt would have been her and still he did it."

Shippou pushed Rin at the door. "Get out of here," he muttered bitterly. "You aren't going to listen to me anyway. Believe whatever you want."

He glanced up and felt awful when he saw the tears in her eyes. Suddenly he realized that she'd been trying to be kind to him, both in nagging him out of his room to eat and in staying to talk with him. He was positive that the lone human resident of this fortress and Sesshomaru's ward didn't have to do either. And he recalled the sympathy in her voice when she'd realized he was remembering something painful.

"Rin," he said softly, hating himself. He'd acted just like Inuyasha, lashing out in his own self-pity. It shouldn't have made him so angry that she was in love with the youkai who had once been his friend. Only…Kagome had loved him too and Inuyasha hadn't deserved her feelings anymore than he deserved Rin's.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet with shame and apology. The girl just spun around and marched out the door without so much as a glance back at him. Wearily, the kitsune sank to his knees and rubbed his sore temples.

He felt worse than ever.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

She was going to pay for making him this angry.

Inuyasha stalked after Kagome, following the girl's trail in the forest. It wasn't like he didn't know where she was heading, but he was deliberately just following her from behind instead of capturing her. He needed to give himself time to get under control.

_Fuck!_

He knew that she'd been planning on leaving him, running away and going back to that world of hers. Didn't the stupid bitch have any brains at all? Did she really take him for such a fool that he wouldn't know when she was planning something, smell the deceit all over her body? He'd thought about confronting her over it, shaking the truth out of her any way that he could. Then he'd listen to her cry and beg him to forgive her.

He wouldn't forgive her for anything.

_How can she leave me!_

"I won't let you go," he muttered, running faster as the urgency seemed to drive inside his body. "You promised you'd always stay by my side!"

Inside his mind, the voices whispered about the faithlessness of a human woman's promises. The voices were getting stronger, always getting stronger. They hated his weakness; the love for her that still clung to the shreds of what had been his heart. They laughed at him for holding back, not murdering her and sating them with her blood.

**In time**, they promised him. **In time, the priestess will at last be ours!**

He was desperate to save her from them and the desperation made him wild. Madness seethed like burning snakes in his mind, tormenting him. When it overwhelmed him, when he could clearly see himself devouring her like his prey, Inuyasha ran away from her. He ran away from the voices that echoed in his mind and slaughtered animals, youkai, humans, anything that crossed his path.

When there was enough death and enough blood on his hands, the voices would quiet, satisfied at last by his blood and rage.

And he always returned to her.

"You stupid bitch," he breathed, watching her from the brush. Kagome was kneeling beside the well, murmuring and placing pieces of paper on the battered wood. His lips curled with contempt. Did she really think her silly spells would keep him away? The bond between them was too strong, too desperate to be broken that way. Time itself wouldn't keep him from her, wouldn't keep him away from her family.

He would punish her for this. He would first punish her body and then, by the unholy gods themselves, he would drag her down that well and punish her again while her family watched.

**Yes.**

He licked his lips just thinking about all the things he could do to her in front of them. Then maybe she'd understand how much he loved her, needed her, and she'd never again be this stupid…he'd teach her.

**Yes!**

He didn't have to hold back, not anymore. Kagome would accept him; this was what she'd wanted all along. Her body told him how she felt about him, the way she never refused him, the way she rutted him back just as hard and desperate as if the sex was the only thing keeping insanity at bay. His claws would tangle in her hair, lifting her to him in the night, making them become as one flesh, one soul.

One dark and cursed soul, when the purity of her had been crushed, defiled until it became something beautiful.

**Beautiful…**

"Kagome," he whispered, his eyes taking a strange light as he left the concealment of the forest to rush at her. "You'll never get away, you'll never leave me. Just like I promised, I will always come for you!"

_**Present Day**_

Grimacing, she managed to part the tangles that had formed in her hair. Did no one in this damned fortress of doom understand the concept of a comb? Kagome sighed with annoyance, gathering her hair in a messy twist at the back of her neck and cursing softly to herself as she paced the room.

She felt awful, like she'd barely slept anyway, but now her neck and shoulders were just aching from tension. She rubbed her neck and hissed when she let her hand drop onto a painful bruise. Kagome slipped the white fabric off her shoulder to stare at her skin.

Yes, there they were, just as she'd expected. Four dark imprints of a demon's manic rage, light scratches from where his claws had torn through her sleeve and pierced her skin.

"You son of a bitch," she muttered, feeling uncharacteristic tears prick in her eyes. She had sworn he'd never hurt her again and now look at this. Just her weak human body that could be bruised and cut and torn apart so easily.

"Priestess?"

She turned at the soft voice, frowning suspiciously at the young demon girl who was hesitating in the doorway. Kagome planted her hands on her hips and glared at the youkai.

"What?" she demanded, her tone so full of acid that it could have burned through Sesshomaru's stone floors.

The girl turned pale and held out a shaking hand, brandishing, of all things, a comb. "Ma…Makiko said…your hair…priestess."

Kagome snatched the comb from her and stared as the girl dropped to the ground and covered her head. "Please don't purify me!" she wailed.

"Oh, shut up," Kagome muttered, turning away to yank the comb through the gnarled mess that was her hair. She wasn't a priestess and she wasn't about to purify anybody. Unless it was Inuyasha, who deserved it more than anyone else.

She felt a twinge of guilt as the girl scuttled out of the room, looking back at her anxiously as if she thought Kagome might produce a sacred arrow out of thin air to attack her. Then again, with the rumors about her that had to be flying hot and heavy, she couldn't blame the girl for being frightened.

She was the terrible priestess, the one that had attacked their precious Inuyasha-sama and driven him to insanity, almost to death. Kagome sighed and threw the comb across the room with an angry clatter. The sun was rising slowly in the sky and she wished to be the hell and away from this awful place and the awful memories of her past.

Would she even be able to get home? What if the well rejected Inuyasha, trapping her forever in this era of no electricity or decent shampoo? Then where would she go, for damn sure wouldn't be back here. She supposed she could try to make some kind of life for herself, assuming the mantle and duties of a priestess even if her heart no longer felt anything sacred. One way or another, she was determined to survive and not be left at anyone's mercy ever again.

"Kagome-sama?"

She turned to see the youkai who called herself Makiko standing in the doorway, arms folded and a disapproving frown planted on her face. "I will thank you to not terrify any more of my staff before you leave this place," the woman said coldly.

Kagome sniffed imperiously and turned away. "I didn't do anything to her," she said, her voice as neutral as she could manage. "It's not my problem if you fools believe nothing but rumors and lies."

Makiko's eyebrows arched gracefully. "Perhaps you are correct about that," she murmured, catching Kagome by surprise. "Ignorance and distrust are always hard to contain, but she was just a child, Kagome-sama. A kindler expression from you would have done much to ease her fear."

What about my fear, Kagome wanted to ask, holding Makiko's eyes with her own. "It doesn't matter," she muttered, running her fingers through the loose and now untangled dark waves over her shoulders. "I suppose you'll be glad when you have me out of here, almost as glad as I will to be gone."

She was surprised to see a ghost of a smile cross the woman's face and Makiko nodded politely. "As you say, we will be relieved. I have to confess, you aren't at all what I had expected."

Angry again, Kagome tossed her head and leveled Makiko with a stare that had left colleagues and underlings alike shaking in their shoes. "And what exactly did you expect?" she asked wrathfully. "Did you think I'm such an idiot that I would have burned the place down or attacked the serving girls? I'm just a human woman, Makiko. Not a monster, not a priestess, but I'm for damn sure not a fool."

Quietly, the woman crossed the room and made a show of folding Kagome's crumpled and discarded sleeping yukata. "I've never met a priestess before, I'm not sure what I expected. Perhaps someone with more tact and grace, manners enough to appreciate that Sesshomaru-sama is truly going out of his way to help you. It would have been easier to simply have you killed."

_Easier for whom_, Kagome wondered. But the youkai woman wasn't exactly wrong when it came to her behavior. "I must apologize if I've been any trouble," she began in a sickly sweet and mocking tone.

Makiko laughed, startling her. "At least you do have a sense of humor," she said, smiling openly at her now. "Please come with me, the sun is nearly over the mountains now and it's time for you to leave."

"Fine with me," Kagome murmured.

She followed Makiko from the room and down the quiet stone corridors. Kagome felt a touch of nervousness, realizing that while she was happy to get getting out of here, it meant that she would be spending the next few days in Inuyasha's company. The thought made her pensive and without realizing it, she started to twist her fingers in the soft fabric of her sleeves.

You can do this, she told herself firmly. Just a few days, the well will open for us this time.

She refused to entertain any other thought.

"Speaking of rumors," Makiko said quietly as they walked through the silent and listening fortress. "There is one that I've wanted to ask you about. But I hesitate, it is truly none of my business."

Kagome felt her mouth twist in a wry grin, shaking her head slightly as she followed the graceful woman. "Go ahead," she said, throwing fate to the wind. "Right now I can't think of anything that would make a difference to what has already happened."

"Very well." Makiko turned and gave her a solemn look. "I wish to know the truth of the rumors."

"And?" Kagome folded her arms and looked expectantly at Makiko. "You want to know if I deliberately used the sacred jewel in an attempt to kill Inuyasha?"

"I wish to know if it is true that you were in love with him."

Kagome stopped, staring wide-eyed at Makiko until the woman turned away with a demure smile.

"And if so…perhaps you still are."

oOo

Grumbling to himself, Inuyasha already knew that today was going to be a bad day. The start of a series of bad days, a journey he did not want to make with companions that he really wished he'd had enough sense to leave behind in the forest where he'd found them. The hell he was going to have to help that obnoxious woman!

He sighed, realizing that he had no choice in it. His brother had been very clear that it wasn't a request, it was an order and he had better damned well say nothing more about it. What he couldn't understand was why she needed his help rather than his brother's. Sesshomaru was widely known as the most powerful daiyoukai in the land. What could he, a half-breed turned full demon by some unknown mystical force, do that a pureblood youkai like Sesshomaru could not?

"Damn it all," he muttered and stopped at the door to pick up the kitsune. At his request and no one else's, Rin had gone to wake the ungrateful fox and see if he was fit to travel. And damn Shiou and Haru anyway for beating the crap out of him like that. Bastards probably thought it was funny.

A vindictive grin crossed his face as Inuyasha realized that the pair of guards were probably regretting their lack of judgment after all. He'd left instructions with Jano that Shiou and Haru were going to be on intimate terms with the fortress' sewer. It was due for a cleaning anyway.

He found Shippou sitting in a wardroom, the remains of a meal before him. Inuyasha paused in the doorway, not sure why it bothered him that the kitsune hated him so much. It was no secret that Kouga despised inuyoukai in general, him in particular. Shrugging, he decided that it must just be something that the wolf demon had instilled in the young fox, passed to him like a tradition or a grudge.

After all, he'd never done anything to Shippou, hell; he'd never even seen him before the day they'd met in the forest.

"Hey, brat," he said, his voice gruff but not unkind. "You fit to walk out of here or am I gonna have to carry you?"

He saw the kid jump at the sound of his voice and realized that Shippou must have been deep in thought to have not sensed his presence. Not only did he jump like he'd just about been startled out of his skin, Shippou scrambled away from him like he'd entered the room shouting for his blood. The boy's eyes were wide, dark with remembered fear and Inuyasha didn't miss the way his hands shook before he snatched them behind his back.

"Hey," he said, his voice much gentler. "Didn't meant to sneak up on you, what's the matter?"

"I'm fine," the kitsune muttered, refusing to look at him. "Don't think you can sneak up on me, Kouga trained me better than that."

"Yeah, right," Inuyasha grinned. His smile faded when he caught sight of the extensive bruising that still graced Shippou's face. "Are you sure you're fit to travel?" he asked uncertainly.

The fox glowered at him and jumped to his feet. "I said I was fine," he snarled, advancing on Inuyasha with an angry expression. "You're not leaving me behind, asshole. Wherever Kagome goes, I go. You understand?"

"Like I'd want to be alone with that witch," Inuyasha snapped.

"She's not a witch!"

Obviously Shippou hadn't heard about what had happened between himself and the priestess. And Inuyasha hoped it would stay that way. "Whatever, brat," he said, sneering as he headed back out the door. "As long as you don't slow me down. I want to get this journey over and done with as quickly as possible. The less time I have to spend with you and that woman, the better."

Shippou raced after him. "I'm not slowing anyone down," he said sullenly. "You thank those guards of yours for doing such a good job if I do."

Inuyasha glanced over at the fox and nodded slowly. "Yeah, sorry about that, kid. They will be punished for beating on you, I've seen to it."

Shippou stopped in his tracks. Did Inuyasha just apologize to me for what those guard did to me, he wondered. It had to be an act, some kind of vicious trick to gain his confidence or put him off his guard.

"Bullshit," he snapped, glaring death at the demon. "You expect me to believe anything you say? They were waiting for me to try to escape, don't tell me it wasn't all part of your plan."

Inuyasha snorted. Unbelievable. "If I wanted someone to kick the shit out of a punk like you, I would have done it myself. Your mouth got you into that beating, it wasn't anything I told them to do. In fact, I told them not to put a finger on you, damn morons."

The kitsune looked like he was still chewing on his anger as if it was bitter to him. "And why would you tell them that?" he asked sarcastically.

With a grunt, the inuyoukai turned away. "Because," he said quietly, "I brought you here, didn't I? That means you're under my protection."

"Your what?" Shippou exploded. "I don't need your fucking protection, I can handle myself. I don't need a bastard like you to…"

Inuyasha turned back to him and grabbed his shoulder with one hand, claws flexing as he stared into the angry young demon's eyes. "Kid," he said coldly, "I don't know you, I don't know what your grievance with me is. And I don't give a damn either. Like it or not, I promised Sesshomaru that I would help that woman with whatever it is she wants me to do and that includes keeping the both of you alive. So don't fucking push me."

Shippou stared at him, trying to sense the truth or falsehood behind his words. The idea that Inuyasha intended to protect both him and Kagome was repugnant to him. But here in this place where he had no power, Shippou couldn't deny that anything he could do to help Kagome get home was worth both the risk.

As long as Kagome was safe, Shippou thought, he could stand it.

"You really don't remember anything, do you?" Shippou murmured, watching Inuyasha's face carefully. "You mean it? You're really going to try to help her get home?"

Inuyasha released his shoulder, meeting his gaze directly. "I mean it," he answered, baffled by the strange attitude and Shippou's accusing glare. "I got no reason to hurt her or try to keep her here. If you play straight with me, you have nothing to worry about. Now if this is some kind of game cooked up between that priestess and Kouga to catch Sessh off his guard…"

"It's not," Shippou snarled, his claws clenching into fists. "Kouga doesn't even know we're here! He'd never try to pull some kind of trick like that. Unlike you dogs, wolves have honor!"

Smirking a little, Inuyasha gave Shippou a condescending pat on the head. Just for a moment, it felt familiar. A strange sensation flowed over his nerves, making him shiver slightly. He didn't know this kid, but it felt…right, somehow, to be arguing with him and also to protect him in spite of his angry, bitter demeanor.

"I'm not your enemy, Shippou. Not Kouga's either. Sesshomaru made an alliance with him, not me. Until he tells me otherwise, I'm going to follow his orders and treat you as an ally even if you hate my guts."

Shippou grinned nastily. "Believe me, hate doesn't begin to cover it."

oOo

Her foot tapping against the stone paving with impatience, Kagome fought the urge to pace. She was restless, anxious, strained and tired. Rubbing a hand over her eyes, she squinted up at the slowly lightening sky. She wanted to go home so badly that she ached. Kagome promised herself that once she was back where she belonged, she was going to treat herself to a long vacation, a real vacation.

Someplace that had no unpleasant memories, somewhere she could forget who she was and what had happened.

It would take time to remake herself. Kagome loathed admitting to defeat but it seemed like all the weakness and pain she'd thought she'd banished so very long ago just came pouring back into her life. For ten years she'd convinced herself that the past was the past and no longer mattered. Surviving what Inuyasha had done to her had only made her stronger.

Hadn't she achieved everything that she'd set out to do since then? Her career, her success, and the power she'd learned to wield with ease and confidence, why did it mean nothing when her life was really on the line?

Maybe it wasn't just her life that was in danger.

_I wish to know if it is true that you were in love with him. And if so…perhaps, you still are._

Kagome's hands curled into fists, fresh outrage and panic flooding her.

"Are you insane?" she'd all but screamed in Makiko's face. "In love with that monster?"

Makiko had cocked her head to the side, looking at the outraged human with a placid expression. "So the rumor is untrue? You did not love him?"

Kagome's mouth worked soundlessly, choking, overwhelmed by the emotions that surged through her body. She couldn't know the truth; Makiko didn't know what Inuyasha had done to her. She'd given him everything, her love, her body, and most of all her trust. And he'd nearly killed her, destroyed everything she cared for and demanded more.

_I loved him, he only used me…I would have died for him and it wasn't enough. I wasn't…enough. I wasn't good enough; he only took what he wanted._

_I carried his child._

_I loved him so much that it nearly killed me_.

"No," she snarled, letting the rage that lived inside her heart pour out of her body. "I never loved him, you're mistaken. I would never love something like him! He only used me to get to the jewel. You understand that? I'm glad that he doesn't remember me or anything that happened between us. The Inuyasha I knew doesn't exist, he might as well be dead!"

The woman had smiled faintly as if Kagome had just confirmed everything she'd wanted to know. "Perhaps it will be easier this way," she said, her tone as enigmatic as her words. "I wish you luck, priestess. I hope that fate gives you everything that you desire."

Everything that I desire? Kagome pondered Makiko's parting words, wondering what she'd meant by that and that it would be easier this way. She had a feeling that the woman knew more than she was letting on. Damn her anyway.

"Kagome!"

She heard her name being shouted and breathed a sigh of relief. Shippou, thank God. They could get out of here now; get back to where she belonged.

Her relief quickly turned to horror as Shippou emerged from a dark entrance, waving at her as he ran out into the deserted courtyard. The handsome young kitsune was almost unrecognizable, his face still swollen and bruised. Her heart quailed at the site of his injuries; he looked like someone had used his face to break down doors. He'd been a little battered when they'd arrived, but nothing like this.

_Those…those bastards!_

"What happened to you?" she cried.

Shippou grinned as she embraced him, forgetting to keep him at a distance in her concern. Her body was light and delicate against him, her fragrance as sweet as ever. For a moment, he was grateful to the guards who'd worked him over so effectively, grateful if this was the reaction it would get from Kagome. His arms curved around her and he hugged her tightly against his chest.

"It's nothing," he murmured. "I know it looks bad, but it doesn't even hurt at all." That was far from the truth but Shippou didn't feel anything but happiness with Kagome's arms around him. The curve of her body against him was worth a hundred beatings; her sympathy and concern were like precious jewels, rare treasures.

She did love him; he knew it in his heart. If only he could convince her that it was all they needed, that he could make her happy, happy the way she should have been from the beginning. He pressed his sore cheek against her hair and sighed in contentment.

That contentment quickly shattered when he felt Kagome push away from him. Judging by the flush to her cheeks, she knew exactly what he'd been feeling and Shippou felt his heart drop to his knees.

"I'm…" he began.

"No," she said, patting him gently on the cheek. Her fingers felt cool and soft and kindness shone in her eyes. For a moment, she looked like the Kagome he remembered so well. Kind, loving and forgiving, so sweet that he wanted to build a wall around her to protect her from anything that could ever hurt her. She was the one who'd always protected him, cared for him. She had given him love and reassurance and Shippou knew that he'd never forgive himself for not being able to do the same for her.

Kagome saw the look in his eyes and flinched inwardly, not letting him see how uncomfortable it made her. It wasn't affection or friendship she saw there, it was love…it was worship and how could Shippou know that she deserved neither? She was tired of the way everyone around her viewed her with their own preconceptions.

To Shippou, she was an unattainable fantasy. In spite of everything he'd seen, of what he knew to be the truth of what had really happened between her and Inuyasha, he still placed her upon a pedestal that was so high she couldn't even see the ground. It wasn't fair, but the years had changed his view of her to something like a noble martyr, changed her into more than just the ordinary woman she was born to be.

And to the residents of this fortress, she was a mystic, a priestess of power and unknowable intent. Something to be feared and reviled, hated and feared. Kagome was sick to death of them all. From Makiko who'd asked questions that had no concept of the truth, to the servants and guards of the fortress who eyed her with suspicion and anger.

Even Sesshomaru seemed to have some kind of preconceived idea of what she was. He might see her as a threat or a mystery, but never as innocent. She was no longer the girl she had been; naively thinking that she could right all the wrongs in their world with her understanding and compassion. That Kagome had been lost so long ago, banished by betrayal and branded with cynicism.

Only Inuyasha seemed to see her without any of those filters and expectations. He'd treated her callously, rudely as if nothing she said or did made a difference to him. Kagome swallowed hard, remembering again the feel of his arms around her waist and his lips taking over her own.

Her hatred didn't touch him, her disgust hadn't turned him. When she'd rebuffed him, trying desperately to save herself before she drowned and died from his touch, he'd attacked her viciously.

Like the monster he was, but at least he didn't have any expectations. The only thing he wanted from her was what he could take.

Nothing had changed after all.

And so, when she turned away from Shippou at the sound of someone approaching from behind her, it was her heart that stopped, nearly twisted out of her body when she saw him. Unprepared, vulnerable from her confused and heartsick memories, it was too much when she saw him again.

He was wearing red.

The same fire rat fur clothing that she'd first seen him in, the same thing that she'd seen him wear every day of her life in this world. When she'd met him in the forest, he'd been dressed differently enough that the pang of memory had dulled, buffered by her anger and her hate. Now he could have stepped out of the past, like a ghost with long white hair flowing freely over shoulders straight and proud, arrogant and full of bluster.

Something inside her snapped and she was running for her life. He was chasing her down, throwing her against the hard forest floor and laughing at her misery. Then she was moving against him, her fisted hands clenched in the sleeves of that red haori, the fire rat fur rubbing against her bare skin as she screamed his name again and again.

Demons don't age, he looked exactly the same as he had the first time she'd seen him and the last time. Inuyasha stepped out of her memories and all the horrible pain; the grief and the love came flooding back to her in a tidal wave of emotion.

"Kagome?"

She tore her eyes away from the demon to look at Shippou, her Shippou who had suffered so much. She could see him as a child, riding on Inuyasha's shoulder, squabbling over candy and ramen, bantering like siblings. Shippou's bright eyes were concerned, obviously sensing her distress but not understanding the cause. He couldn't tell why she was suddenly breathless, lost and drowning, despair covering her like a thick black shroud.

And as suddenly as it had begun, the panic faded and was replaced by fury. She remembered the Inuyasha who tormented her, beat Shippou almost to death in when the kitsune had tried to protect her. Kagome drew in one shaky breath after another, trying to control herself, keep herself from doing something suicidal.

_Shippou's bruises_…

Inuyasha had been enraged…the way his eyes glowed and the hard feel of his hands as he forced her against the cold wall, tearing at her clothing like an animal…

Again, he'd found a way to get to her, to hurt something she cared for, the only person in this whole cursed fortress that she gave a damn about. He'd taken out his frustration on Shippou again, when she'd spat his worthless lies and false apologies back in his face, he'd gone right to the one thing he knew he could use to hurt her, punish her.

Nothing had changed…nothing would ever change…it was all going to happen again, just as soon as they left his fortress.

_The hell it would!_

She swallowed her fear; she gathered her anger into a tight little knot inside her heart and faced him like she had never known the possibility of defeat or loss. Striding over to him like a woman hell bent on revenge, her jaw locked like a vice and her lips curling back from her teeth in a feral expression, she confronted Inuyasha.

"What did you do to him?" she demanded.

Inuyasha folded his arms over his chest and stared at her. "Nothing," he sneered. "I didn't touch your precious brat, bitch."

She didn't think about it and immediately slapped him across the face. The sound of her flesh meeting his echoed ominously in the quiet of the courtyard.

"Liar," she spat.

His eyes flashed and the air around them went deathly still. "I'm getting tired of this," he whispered. "If you want my help, bitch, you'd better start acting like it."

Her eyes were cold, too cold, she felt like nothing could touch her. The power was welling inside her, this time she could sense it growing, crackling beyond her fingertips with all of her outrage and ten years worth of suppressed pain. She saw that he could sense it too, noticed the way his eyes dragged across her when she raised her hands.

To hell with going home. To hell with survival. She was going to purify him right out of existence. Raising her hands, power shimmering from her skin, Kagome's mouth curved in a smile that was half insane and half deadly intent.

"I don't want your help," she hissed, she could hardly hear her own voice over the pounding of her blood in her ears. "I'm going to kill you right where you stand."

Inuyasha didn't look away from her; the aura crackling from her was so intense that it made his hair stand on end. He felt fatally calm; he knew the priestess could very well kill him. Over the years, he'd felt strong youki, terrible demonic energy deep inside him. The beast that lived inside him was screaming at him to attack, murder her before she could touch him with that deadly pure power.

**Kill her!**

Not this time. He refused to lose control to the voices and the madness behind them. It was even possible that he deserved his fate; a sense of weariness filled him at the idea of death. His memories might be blank but a woman didn't look at you with that kind of hatred unless you deserved it. He didn't want to remember, he didn't want to know what he'd done.

Better that he should die in ignorance, without guilt or regret. This priestess could give that to him, just as Kikyou had tried to give it to him.

A pure and dreamless death.

"Go ahead," he muttered. "What are you waiting for?"


	19. Nineteen

Possession 19

_**Present Day**_

The air around them had gone deathly still, an aura of malice and intent washing over the courtyard. Kagome found that she could barely even breathe; the power within her had flooded her heart and taken over her mind. In desperation and fear, she hadn't been able to call upon it. Not even to save herself, she hadn't been able to bring it to the surface when she'd really needed it.

Again it had burst from her unconsciously, exactly as it had the first time. She'd been fifteen and running for her life from a centipede demon. At the time she hadn't even known that she could do things like that, but now her very fingertips tingled with spiritual energy even as hatred made her heart darken and wither.

Not summoned by will or by fear or a need to protect her own life, the power had welled up from deep inside. It caught fire like never before, summoned by anger, by hatred and a sheer loathing for the demon in front of her. He could see it in her eyes, the absoluteness of her fury, the purity of her disgust. He was nothing but a beast, a monster that devoured children, a foul nightmare that had come to life.

He was youkai and youkai were to be destroyed.

"No!" a girl's voice cried, wrought with desperate fear. A slim body hurtled between the priestess and the monster, blocking the purifying power that would have erupted had she hesitated even a moment longer.

Rin was terrified, her face pale and drawn as she pleaded with Kagome. "I'm begging you," she said, holding her hands out pleadingly. "Don't kill him!"

Immense power was barely restrained within Kagome's body, it made her head spin until she was dizzy. She'd never felt it so strong before, so far beyond what she'd been able to do in he past. This was a killing purification that could destroy a demon's body and soul with only a single touch.

"Rin," Inuyasha said. His voice was cold with disapproval, sounding more like his older brother than himself. "This does not concern you."

Gently, he grasped her shoulders and moved her to the side, out of Kagome's path. "It is between us. If this woman wants her revenge badly enough to kill me for it, she won't stop because of you."

Rin seemed to sag in his grip for a moment before turning away. "You want to die?" she asked, her heart sounding broken.

He didn't answer; just stood staring at the priestess as she were the only salvation he'd ever seen, waiting for the blow that would take away all the doubt and uncertainty. Inuyasha was tired of living under the shadow of a past he couldn't remember. He'd tried hard to make a place for himself in his brother's world, among their father's people. But something was always missing, some vital, salient point of fact that he, damn it to hell, could not remember.

Better to die like this than have to live with the way she looked at him now. And know that he deserved it, even if he didn't know why.

The anger within Kagome was fading. It felt as if a fog had lifted from her mind, a fog of irrational hatred. As angry as she was at the bruises on Shippou's face, it wasn't worth this level of fury. She still wanted to go home, she still wanted to walk back into her office that she'd fought to hard for, her elegant condo that overlooked the sea. She'd earned her life, damn it, she'd paid in blood. This strange, euphoric rage…it wasn't hers. It didn't belong to the Kagome who had survived so much.

"Shippou," she said, her voice tight. "Is it true? He didn't beat you up, not…not like before, right?"

Rin watched as an expression of old pain ghosted across the kitsune's face. He didn't answer the priestess, but she saw a strange eagerness in his eyes, a fatal sort of fascination and anger bubbled up inside her heart.

He wanted Inuyasha dead, he'd said as much to her earlier.

She ran at him, grabbing Shippou hard by his arms and forcing him to look in her eyes. "Stop her," Rin demanded, her fingers clenching to emphasize her words. "Tell her that he didn't hurt you. Please, Shippou!"

The fox demon flushed and looked away from her. Rin could tell by the hard set of his jaw and the rigid feel of the muscles under her hands that he wasn't going to let go of his hate. She pushed away from him in disgust. "You bastard, you wanted this to happen. You want to see her murder him!"

"Yeah," he muttered, his voice thick. Shippou looked over Rin's head, staring at Kagome and noticing for the first time the trembling that seemed about to shake her body apart. He wanted Inuyasha dead, the bastard deserved it. For Kagome to be the one who would end his worthless existence, finally gaining the vengeance he so badly wanted for her, was almost intoxicating, unbearably sweet.

A soft noise from behind them drew his attention. Turning slightly, he noticed a line of youkai soldiers, some grasping spears, others armed with bows. The sound he had heard was that of a dozen arrows being notched and Shippou swallowed hard, realizing that justice would be costly.

Kagome would destroy Inuyasha and die herself moments later.

"Shippou?"

He closed his eyes and took at deep breath, pushing Rin to the side as he stepped forward to place himself between the priestess he loved and the youkai he hated more than anything else. Inuyasha might deserve this death, but nothing, not anything, was worth Kagome's life. He'd failed to protect her once when he was just a child, but he wouldn't make that same mistake again.

Kouga had taught him something about honor after all; he doubted if the wolf would see Kagome's death as a favorable outcome of this confrontation.

"He didn't do it," Shippou said. He reached out to touch Kagome's arm and saw her flinch away, withdrawing from him. He sighed, realizing that she was afraid she'd hurt him. There was a lost look in her eyes and he realized what it would have cost her inside to be the one to kill Inuyasha. After all this time, he had thought…

Some things didn't change.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, reaching again for her and this time she leaned against his chest for just a moment. "He didn't do it, Kagome. You don't have to protect me from him, it's not like before."

"It's not that," she whispered, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear it. "Something happened to me, Shippou. For a minute, I felt like there was something else controlling my body, something angry…but it wasn't me."

Shippou started to answer but his reply was interrupted by a harsh, mocking laugh. He turned to glare at Inuyasha, who was wearing a grin that looked both bitter and disappointed. "Some priestess you have there, brat," he said. "I should have known she didn't have it in her."

"What?" Kagome burst out, pushing Shippou out of the way. "What's that supposed to mean? You looked like you wanted to die!"

Inuyasha shrugged, the brief, fatalistic urge that had led him to anticipate purification had disappeared and left him feeling angry. Who did she think she was, to deal out justice or death in this place? His eyes narrowed slightly and he folded his arms over his chest.

"I meant," he sneered, "that if you're going to threaten me, you'd better be prepared to go through with it. Isn't it the sacred duty of a priestess to destroy us filthy youkai?" His eyes flicked negligently at Shippou and he smiled again when he saw an angry flush cross over the kitsune's face. "Or at least destroy the youkai that aren't in love with you."

"You son of a…" Shippou began heatedly.

"Shut up!" Inuyasha snarled. Even Rin flinched at his harsh tone, his rapid change of demeanor. Kagome glared at him, unafraid, as he slowly advanced on her and Shippou. There was an unpleasant gleam in his eyes and Kagome remembered that look all too well. This was the angry side of the demon, the wrathful, unforgiving nature of a creature that felt no compassion or regret. It was his true face, the one she'd seen too late to recognize.

"You come here," he said softly, "and demand of my brother that I help you, that I owe you. That might be the case, bitch, but I've changed my mind. Get the fuck out of here and don't come back. I don't ever want to see your face again!"

"Fine with me," Shippou snapped, making sure that he was still between Kagome and Inuyasha. "You're the one that dragged us here, remember? I don't remember asking you to take us to Sesshomaru. We can find another way."

Kagome's hands balled into fists and suddenly she surged forward, shoving Shippou out of the way. Inuyasha didn't move when she seized the front of his haori and held him still while she glared up into his angry eyes. The hell he was going to decide about this, the hell it was Shippou's decision either. She had been angry enough to purify the life out of him just moments ago, now she was angry enough to beat it out of him.

"I didn't ask you," she snapped, letting the venom seep into her voice. "I asked Sesshomaru and he agreed. I'm not asking for your protection, you son of a bitch."

"Then what are you asking for?" he exploded. His shout blew the hair back from her eyes but Kagome didn't flinch. She hadn't survived worse than this to be bluffed away now. "What do you want from me, bitch?"

The woman just kept looking at him, that's what he hated. There was something in her eyes, some mystery that pulled at the corner of his mind, made something inside of him both furious and pained. He wanted to be the hell away from her more than ever now.

"You owe me," she said quietly, her voice dark and cold. "I'm not asking for much. I just want to go home, Inuyasha. If you can do this, you'll never have to see me again. That's what we both really want, isn't it?"

Very slowly, he reached up and touched her face with his fingertips, letting her hair slide over his claws. "Tell me why I know you," he whispered and for the first time she saw fear in his eyes. "Tell me why you hate me so much, why Shippou hates me so much. I want to know the truth."

"Inuyasha."

Kagome tore her eyes away from him to stare at Sesshomaru. The youkai lord looked as cold and forbidding as she'd ever seen him and Kagome knew instinctively that he did not want her to explain. If Sesshomaru had wanted Inuyasha to know the truth of his past, he would have explained it himself. She wanted to tell him, she wanted to see the look on Inuyasha's face when he finally realized the damage he had done, the lives he had destroyed.

_You should tell him about the baby._

Miroku's words whispered into her mind as if the long-dead monk was standing behind her shoulder. Kagome shuddered convulsively, letting go of Inuyasha to wrap her arms around her body. No, she wasn't going to tell him. She wasn't going to tell anyone, not even Shippou. That secret was safely sealed away, far out of reach on the other side of the well. Where she wanted to be, so that she could forget about him again.

Sesshomaru sighed and a flicker of annoyance crossed his usually impassive face. He had agreed to this and Inuyasha would abide by their agreement. He reflected again that it would be far easier to simply kill the human and the kitsune, but it wouldn't serve a purpose. Another empty death, another piece of truth to be forgotten and discarded.

Each day he thought he could see his brother slipping closer to the madness that would eventually consume him, the waiting death that could not be avoided. Tenseiga had failed to fully heal Inuyasha, just as its mate Tessaiga had failed to save him from his demon blood all those years ago.

Idly, he wondered if that was how their father had intended it to be, that he would learn compassion when it was too late to be of use, that his brother would learn the folly of reaching for a power he was better off to never attain. It was most bitter to Sesshomaru, who liked to be in control of events, that he should be the one to grieve for Inuyasha when his former friends sought his death.

No matter, this was how things were meant to be. Quietly, he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I understand your reluctance, little brother," he said, a hint of dark humor in his tone. "But you would not have me go back on my word to a human, would you?"

Inuyasha scowled and set his jaw, that stubborn look that made him look more like a sulky child than the powerful youkai he had become. Sesshomaru slowly tightened his grip until his brother flushed and shook his head.

"Of course not, Sessh," he said, staring at the ground. "Forgive me."

The youkai lord smiled faintly; at least Inuyasha had learned obedience if nothing else. He noticed the woman watching them closely and met her eyes with a direct and unthreatening stare. "Priestess," he murmured. "Might I speak to you privately?"

She nodded slowly and followed him from the courtyard. Sesshomaru could smell her confusion, it hinted at despair and resolution. Stupid woman, he wasn't doing this for her. And he knew that it might be that he was responsible for the drama that had nearly unfurled in his own courtyard.

"You are wondering why I haven't told him anything," he said, his voice light and dry with an unconcern he did not feel. "You are thinking that I am playing with my brother, no doubt for a sadistic reason, that I am hoping he will suddenly recover his memory and slaughter you in a rage."

"The thought had crossed my mind," she answered. He stopped and glanced down at her, surprised again by the shrewd intelligence behind her gaze. The girl he remembered seemed to have gone, the impulsive child who threw herself into battle with demons. Quite well he remembered her, defending Inuyasha, trying to protect him while he, Sesshomaru, was the aggressor.

"Do you think that is my reason, human?" he asked, one long claw reaching up to flick away a piece on non-existent lint from his silken robes.

"I don't know," she answered readily, watching him with that careful gaze. "I haven't figured out why you bothered to save him, I can't begin to understand why you haven't told him anything else."

That made him smile, so she still thought that she was capable of understanding the reasons of youkai. Like other humans, she was arrogant in that way. But he did not seek her death, from the beginning Kagome had been beneath his notice and now he still struggled with the necessity of explanation to a lower being than himself.

"Inuyasha's mind was damaged by the transformation of your jewel," he said. She started to protest and he simply held up a hand for silence. "I am not accusing you, priestess. I understand that you considered yourself his friend and would not have knowingly allowed him to use jewel if you understood this would be the result. I will not debate with you the blame."

"Then why?" she whispered. Her expression was honest and open, much like the child he remembered. Again, he thought that he would not have expected her to have grown into such a beauty, but unlike his brother, his tastes did not run to baser flesh.

"It is my belief that if you tell him what happened, what he became when he transformed, it will drive him to madness again. That is not what I wish to happen. Nor do I think that it is what you seek."

Kagome smiled tightly. "Go on," she said, forcing herself to keep her tone as light as his. "I'm fascinated to hear why you care."

"I do not care what happens to you," he said softly. "It is not my concern. What concerns me is that if my brother does descend into such madness again, I will be the only one capable of stopping him. His demon blood is still far stronger than he realizes, should it ascend I do not believe that even your power will protect you."

Kagome was silent, her lips pursed slightly as she considered his words. Then it came to her, surprising her as much as everything seemed to surprise her these days.

"You don't want to be the one to kill him," she murmured, comprehension dawning on her features. She studied the chill demon and then shook her head, smiling. "You've changed, Sesshomaru. I never believed that you'd ever admit that you cared about Inuyasha."

"Perhaps you should ask yourself why I might have changed," Sesshomaru answered quietly. "Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are here. If what you told me is true, perhaps there is a reason you have returned."

Her eyes flashed. "It was an accident," she said, anger starting to color her tone.

"I believe in no such thing as coincidence," he said, and for the first time she caught a hint of dark humor in his voice. He turned and smiled at her, a strangely gentle and sweet smile…like a forgotten ghost.

"In any case, I am not one to argue with fate. Inuyasha will do as you ask, because I have requested it of him. He is no longer your dog to order and no longer your friend. And if you tell him the truth, what you were and who were and how he came to be a pure demon, he will almost certainly descend again madness."

He turned and walked away, moving deeper into the fortress and left her standing in the passage, the light of day on one side of her and the dark shadows of mystery on the other. Suddenly, she felt that she needed to answer him, make him understand. It wasn't all about vengeance, it was about survival.

"You don't understand," Kagome cried, letting her voice carry after the daiyoukai. "I stayed by him even when he transformed, I didn't abandon him! He betrayed me, not the other way around. He was my friend!"

Silence answered her and Kagome clenched her fist and hit the wall hard, not caring that her knuckles were bruised on the unforgiving stone. Of course, Sesshomaru didn't give a damn what had really happened between her and Inuyasha, of course he didn't care what she had been through. It had nearly killed her to leave at the end, but it would have killed her to stay. Her hand aching, she turned to go back to the courtyard and leave this mysterious fortress of youkai that she couldn't understand and didn't begin to believe in.

His voice returned to her out of the darkness, echoing against the cool stone of the walls and the timelessness of age.

"He was your friend, priestess. I do not doubt it. But if you remind him of it, if you tell him the extent of his betrayal, of the monster that he has become, it will break his mind. Inuyasha will not become the hanyou that you knew.

"He will become your executioner."

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

The morning had dawned unseasonably cool. Every year winter seemed to come earlier, just as predictable as an old woman's arthritis. The elderly priestess smiled to herself, enjoying the pale sunshine on her face even if the air did have a bit of a bite to it. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.

Her garden, on the other hand, was in dire need of her attention. Kaede hummed softly as she knelt among the herbs and vegetables. Here and there she saw the leaves of a saucy weed or two trying to invade her domain. She'd spent every moment of her spare time in preparing the sutras for Kagome's escape and her garden was showing the signs of neglect.

She sighed heavily, working the delicate green stems between her fingers. The ground felt cool and damp under her knees, but the earth had a rich, fallow smell to it. No, she had done the right thing. Kagome needed to leave as soon as possible. She had seen the despair creeping over the girl's face, the waning hope that Inuyasha would ever return from the dark place where he had sealed away his human soul.

His transformation had grieved her, for she had watched eagerly as the young hanyou had become less callous and closed. Kagome had tamed him, bit by bit, until he'd felt free enough to run around with the village children in games. She knew he hadn't had much of a childhood. For that matter, neither had she with having to become a priestess at a young age. Kaede had seen much in her long life, too much to keep fifty years of grief and resentment locked inside her heart.

But now…everything had gone wrong. Kagome and Inuyasha had lost their friends to Naraku's evil, nearly lost their own lives as well. They had conquered him at last, but Kaede never would have thought to have Naraku's end to be the beginning of another nightmare.

It had astonished her, how very wrong she'd been about Inuyasha. An old woman's pride had suffered from that, but nothing like Kagome was suffering now. There were few things that Kaede could recall to be as bitter and lonely as watching a young girl's love slowly poison her until nothing remained but an empty-eyed shell.

And there was something else, stories of something horrible rampaging through the forest, slaughtering anything in its path. This thing fed upon the bodies of its prey. Some animals, some humans, even lower youkai weren't safe from it. Kaede didn't know it to be Inuyasha's work or not, but just the same she kept her own counsel and didn't tell Kagome. The girl had enough to worry about.

She sensed his presence before she actually saw him. Kaede found herself rising quickly to her feet, her gaze drawn upwards to the edge of the forest. Someone was watching her; she could feel the eyes pulling at her skin and as a priestess for many years, Kaede trusted her instincts when they said danger.

"Saiyu," she murmured, gesturing to one of the children who were playing nearby. The boy ran over to her obediently and started to look up to where she was staring. Kaede's hand came down on his shoulder, her finger turning his chin so he wouldn't see what was coming out of the forest.

"I need you to find the village headman," she said kindly, making very sure she had his attention. "I want you to tell him that I say the time is now."

"Now?" the child asked, looking up at her with wide, innocent eyes. "What does that mean, Kaede-sama?"

"He will understand." She'd explained the necessity of an escape plan to the village elders. Luckily, they'd had enough years of having their village attacked by demons that the elders had not questioned her. At her signal, the women and children would make a run for the dubious shelter of the caves down by the river. The men of the village, however, knew to gather their weapons.

And fight for their lives.

She'd expected this. Kaede understood a demon's nature to know how and when she would be called to protect her people. It grieved her, it made an old woman's heart ache with regret, but she couldn't allow him to come any closer to the village.

The hanyou boy whose gruff exterior had hidden a more gentle heart was dead.

The thing that was approaching her was only a ghost of the Inuyasha that Kagome had loved.

She took this as a sign that the girl had indeed escaped.

Slowly, Kaede drew her bow from her shoulder. She'd gotten herself into the habit of carrying it again even though there hadn't been much youkai activity in the region for some time. Since before Naraku had been defeated, in fact. Kaede had never been sure if it was coincidence or if it was because word had gotten around that this village was under the protection of not just a priestess, but a half-demon of unusual power.

Things used to be so much simpler.

He was coming closer, but moving more slowly than she'd ever seen him. The Inuyasha she'd known had been all restless energy, willful temper and insolent language. The creature coming towards her now was staggering, moving like a wounded animal rather than a dangerous demon. His chest was bare, but bloodstains were all over his pale skin, marking him with an obscene mantle of gore. She swallowed, noticing that his claws were still dripping, leaving a carmine trail in the fresh green grass.

Covered in blood, bathed in it. Oh please gods, she implored whatever might be listening. Be it not Kagome's blood!

The bowstring stretched tight, trembling slightly as her grip was no longer what it once had been. She was too old for this; far too old for everything that she'd seen. Kaede had wished that a young apprentice might take her place, but there had been no suitable girl to train in the ancient ways.

Only Kagome, after all these years, why had it been only Kagome?

"Inuyasha," she called, watching as the demon made his way from the edge of the forest to the small path that would take him to the village. "That's far enough."

She was surprised that her voice reached him; surprised that he stopped when she spoke to him. The soft white ears on his head twitched, but it unnerved Kaede that she couldn't see his face to read his expression. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand straight up, but she needed to stop him here if only to give the villagers time to escape.

An aura of pure malice was radiating from him, making Kaede feel light headed, sick from it. It was like nothing she'd ever sensed before and again an old woman wondered how Kagome had endured being bedded by this…thing. For it was no true youkai that confronted her, no hanyou or even simple beast that she challenged. It was an abomination; a corruption and Kaede felt her gorge rise and tears of pity spring to her eyes.

_Inuyasha, what have you done to yourself?_

"Old woman," he whispered, his voice a dry husk. "If you don't want to die, you'd better get out of my way."

She couldn't afford to be intimidated, not now. Not when every second was precious. It was her sworn duty as priestess to protect her people from darkness, from evil so thick that it poisoned the air between them. She wouldn't let him pass, not even at the expense of her own life.

"I cannot let you go to the village," she said, her voice steady and firm. "Go and leave these people in peace. They have done nothing to you."

His hair swept over his shoulders, lifted by a light wind that Kaede couldn't feel. She thought she saw him smirk and her lips parted slightly when she detected a trembling in the demon's body. What did it mean? Then, with a fatal and sickly realization, she understood.

He was laughing.

"It doesn't matter what they've done," he hissed, the darkness radiating from him in ever-stronger waves. "It matters that I'm going to do. I've been hungry for a very long time, old hag."

Horrified, Kaede planted her feet and held the bowstring taut. She might not have her sister's legendary power, but she was far from helpless. If Inuyasha wanted to get past her, he was going to take damage. And she was going to buy a few more seconds of precious time for the village.

"You're making a mistake," she said, her voice clear and strong. "You don't want to hurt these people. And I won't let you!"

She fired, but he was already moving, a flash of silvery hair and speed, far outmatching the reflexes of an old woman. Kaede found herself flying through the air from a blow that she never even saw coming. Her bow snapped like kindling in her fist, breaking apart and falling to the ground in a hundred tiny pieces. She landed hard, losing her breath but still needing to survive this attack. Desperate to escape him now, she rolled on her belly and started to crawl away.

A fist grabbed her by her hair and hauled her upwards, letting her dangle from his hand like a rabbit caught in a snare. Her struggles died as he swung her around to face him, getting a good look at him for the first time. Kaede thought her heart would stop from sheer horror, it was all that she could do not to be sick on the ground at his feet.

His eyes were bottomless pools of crimson fire, no humanity, not even sanity lurked inside them. His face was gouged and torn, it was too obvious that he'd attacked himself and Kaede realized that no small amount of the blood on his body was actually his own. Something horrifying had happened to him, some desperate struggle had been fought…and lost.

What remained was hatred given form, dark power that was far beyond what she'd thought him capable of possessing. In that moment, Kaede realized the terrible truth about Inuyasha's transformation.

And she grieved for him in spite of the death that was waiting for her at his hands.

"Old woman," he whispered slowly, his tone almost loving. "I'm going to tear out your other eye and make you eat it."

Even as the demon's hands closed around her throat, preparing to throttle the life out of her, she needed to know the truth. "Inuyasha, where is Kagome? Did she escape you?"

She waited, breathless for the answer as blackness gathered at the edges of her vision. The whole world was nothing but red fire and pain. Kaede was prepared to shed her aged body and welcomed the cool touch of mortality. She would be relieved to die just as soon as he gave her his answer.

But it was not what she expected.

Smiling faintly, the demon drew her closer until her nose brushed against his. His fangs glittered, impossibly long and his breath was rank with the scent of blood. His voice was hardly above a whisper, but it still sent waves of fear coursing through her body when he answered her question with one of his own.

"Who is Kagome?"

_**Present Day**_

"I'm gonna be sick," Shippou muttered, moving to the side of the boat and draping his body over the edge.

"Not again," Inuyasha groaned. He leaned on the pole he was using to steer the flat-bottomed craft and glowered at the kitsune who was retching loudly. "I'm getting damn tired of smelling your puke, brat!"

"Leave him alone, Inuyasha," Kagome sighed, resting her head on her knees. "He can't help it. I told you he gets seasick."

Inuyasha's ears twitched and he deliberately turned his face to the wind, hoping that most of the stench would be borne away downwind. The brat and the priestess had protested when he'd told them that they'd have to travel by river, the forests and roads being too dangerous. Just a few days before he'd found them in the wilds, an innocent hunting party from the fortress had been attacked and slain at the hands of unknown assailants.

Humans, he thought bitterly, thinking of the good men who had died. According to the scouts that had found the missing hunters, it had been an ambush. His brother had been livid when the news had reached him that was why Sesshomaru had sent him along with Shiou and Haru into that part of the deep forest. For his people to have been attacked and murdered on the very borders of his territory was an insult that the youkai lord couldn't ignore.

"No way," Shippou had said, shaking his head and all but stamping his feet. "I'm not getting on any damn boat! We can go back the way we came!"

Inuyasha growled at him, thinking the kitsune was just being difficult. "If we don't go by river, it's going to add weeks to this journey," he said, glaring at the priestess as if he expected her to jump in with some outlandish suggestion of her own. "I want to make this trip quick, brat!"

Kagome sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Maybe if you explained why," she began.

He scowled at her, thinking that the easiest and fastest way to do this was just to hit the fox until he couldn't move anymore, then tie him up and drag him to the river. "That territory is too dangerous," he said shortly. "We had some people killed just a few days ago, I can't rely on you two to back me up. My brother might have forced me to take you to your damn village, but I'm not going to get myself killed for you either!"

"I know that," she said waspishly. "And we aren't asking you to protect us. Shippou and I can take care of ourselves, I thought we'd already decided that!"

He leaned close to her, pointing one sharp claw between her eyes like a threat. "I ain't worried about you, bitch," he snapped. "You should be worried about that brat of yours."

"Me?" Shippou asked, sounding outraged at the very idea. "What's that supposed to mean? You think I can't protect Kagome and myself? You're full of shit, Inuyasha. I knew we couldn't trust you, I knew you had some kinda game planned!"

"Shippou," the woman snapped and Inuyasha almost smirked when he saw the brat flinch at the uncompromising tone of her voice. For some reason he really enjoyed watching her discipline the kitsune. It was so painfully obvious that Shippou worshiped the ground she walked upon and also obvious that his desires weren't going to be returned.

Inuyasha grinned again when he saw her turn back to him, arms folded and fingers drumming with impatience on her arms. Too bad that she was such a bitch, he rather liked the way she carried herself with such authority. Again, too bad for him that she was just a bitchy human priestess.

"What's the problem?" Kagome asked. She didn't trust him either, not for a moment and regardless of Sesshomaru's assurances, she wasn't going to let her guard down. She could have told Sesshomaru that she'd had no intention of revealing the past to Inuyasha, but it wasn't any of his damn business about why. Let him think that it was because of his warning; she really didn't give a damn.

He took a deep breath and then sighed, deciding that maybe she'd be reasonable if he told her why they couldn't travel by foot. The fox was still glaring death at him, but that didn't concern Inuyasha. What concerned him was what that woman and his brother had discussed in private. She'd come back with her jaw clamped like she'd been chewing on her own death and it had left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Sesshomaru had that effect on people, he thought wryly. Priestesses were no exception. In either case, she'd curtly apologized, _apologized_, for accusing him of beating hell out of Shippou. Nothing about almost purifying him out of the world and he was glad about that. He didn't like remembering that feeling, wondering why he had suddenly been swept with a wave of despair that had left him craving her deadly touch.

It was better not to think of it at all.

"We've been having trouble on the borders," he said bluntly, ignoring the way Shippou hissed in disgust. "There are bands of renegade youkai roaming these territories. We've been able to keep them out of inuyoukai lands…"

"Thanks to us," Shippou snarled. "You let the wolves take the brunt of those attacks while you fucking dogs sit behind your borders and don't even send…"

"I didn't make the treaty," Inuyasha snapped at him. "You talk to Kouga about it if you have a fucking problem, brat. Tell Kouga to secure his own damn border to the south! He's letting them run wild and then he screams for our help when he can't even do his fucking part. That mangy excuse for a wolf…"

"Enough!" Kagome rubbed her eyes. She didn't have to shout to get their attention, her terse outburst was sufficient. Their constant bickering was giving her a headache and she found herself longing for the days when she could have put an end to it with a simple sit and a piece of candy. She had a feeling that Shippou was making it a point to argue with everything Inuyasha said, just to make sure the other demon knew he wasn't in control.

Perhaps she was wrong, nothing had changed after all.

"Just explain to me why we have to go by river," she said simply, leveling a serious expression at Inuyasha. "We'll take the route you think is best, I just need to know why."

Inuyasha snorted and looked away. "It's not just renegade youkai that we have to worry about. There's humans in this forest, humans who attack anything that looks like a demon and kill them."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "And that worries you? Since when are you afraid of humans, Inuyasha?"

"I'm not," he spat. "But I want to get this over with as fast as possible and get back to the fortress. I can't do that if I have to worry about being attacked the whole time. And they don't just kill demons, they torture them to death. Good men, men I'd call friends have died for no other reason than they were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"And I suppose they didn't do anything to piss off those humans?" Shippou asked sarcastically. "They're just humans, they don't have any right to defend their families or villages?"

"There are no human villages in this area anymore," Inuyasha said quietly.

Kagome put her hand on Shippou's arm to silence him. She sensed that there was more than she had guessed going on and again she wondered about the strange sensation of grief that had brought both her and Shippou to their knees. It still made her skin crawl.

"There's something else, isn't there?" she murmured. "Something driving peaceful people from their homes, making youkai run wild. I felt it earlier, so did Shippou. What is really going on?"

"Wish to fuck I knew," Inuyasha answered bitterly. "Sessh has sent his men into the forest to find out, but none have ever returned. Whatever it is, it attacks humans and youkai, but the reason is still a mystery."

It had been a good enough reason for her, Kagome thought, watching as the peaceful lands rolled by. The river was calm, deserted, and they were making good time. She leaned back on her hands, trying to ignore the occasional groan of misery from Shippou. Poor kid, he just never could stand being on the water.

The sun was warm on her upturned face and she sighed, feeling her body relax for the first time in what seemed like ages. It was peaceful here, only the sound of the water slapping gently against the hull of the boat and the light breeze that lifted her hair. Kagome suddenly realized how tired she was, how exhausting it had been for her at the fortress. Strange, but she felt more at ease now, even with Inuyasha standing nearby, than she had since she'd come through the well.

She found herself thinking of Sesshomaru's words and his enigmatic warning about not telling Inuyasha the truth. Perhaps he was right, if she could just get home, home to where she belonged, none of it would matter. So he didn't remember her, so he didn't even know what he'd done, let alone regret it.

Could she live with that? Could she live with that and still pretend that she was happy with her life? For the first time in what felt like forever, her mind turned back to Scott and she wondered if he'd left Japan. She smiled to herself, thinking of how satisfying it was going to be to have him arrested and put away for his attack on her. If that didn't work out, she would see to it that he never bothered her again, one way or another.

"That's a pretty vindictive smile," Inuyasha commented with a grunt, steering their craft into the faster current of the river. "You thinking about me?"

"Not at all," she said coldly. "Don't flatter yourself."

She heard him chuckle and opened her eyes to look up at him. The light breeze wafted across her face and sent his hair flying around him. For a long moment, they regarded each other until he dropped his eyes and looked away.

"You look tired," he muttered. "Why don't you try to sleep or something?"

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips. "Maybe I'm not as tired as you think I am."

He didn't look at her. "Doesn't matter to me what you do. I just thought you looked tired."

Annoyed, she leaned back and rested her head on her fist as she watched him guide the small boat. She watched his hands, strong and sure, as they gripped the long pole. There was a faint scar on the back of one of them and that perplexed her, as she remembered all too well that he didn't scar easily.

Her eyes traveled up to his face as he stared fixedly into the distance, watching the river. She had thought he looked exactly the same as he had when she'd first met him, so many years ago. Now she thought he looked older, more mature at least. The set of his jaw, the calmness of his gaze, they didn't seem to belong to the angry young hanyou she remembered.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked quietly without looking down at her.

"I was just wondering," she answered, not really thinking before she spoke. "What have you been doing for the past ten years? Sesshomaru said that you were sick, is that true?"

"Yeah." There was silence for a few moments after that and Kagome thought that he probably wouldn't elaborate on it further. Not that she was really curious, it didn't matter to her what he'd done. The past was the past and no part of her future. The Kagome who had been innocent and fallen in love was long dead and the Kagome who survived cared nothing for Inuyasha.

"I don't remember," he said at last, glancing back down at her with an unreadable expression. "I was sick for years after Sessh found me. There're a lot of things I can't recall about that time."

"Lucky you," she murmured. Inuyasha glared at her, scowling as if she'd insulted him somehow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said."

There was a loud groan from the rear of the boat and Shippou flopped onto his back with a thud. "I'm dying," the kitsune announced painfully. "Can't we stop just for a little while?"

Inuyasha grinned. "Too dangerous," he said calmly, regarding the sickened young demon with amusement. "It's better to keep moving right now. We'll have to stop at sunset. You can rest your guts then."

"Why is it dangerous?" Kagome wanted to know. She eased back and curled on her side with her arm tucked under her head. Like it or not, she was feeling very tired and a brief nap was enormously appealing. I'm not dropping my guard, she told herself stubbornly. But it's not likely he's going to attack us right now or dump us in the river.

"It's dangerous because there have been a lot of strange demons around here," Inuyasha said, scanning the bank of the river as if he expected something to come flying out to attack them. "I can feel them watching us."

"What?" Shippou sat up, his face pale and almost green. "You can feel them watching, why the hell didn't you say anything before?"

"Because you were too busy feeding the fish," Inuyasha grunted.

Kagome slowly pulled herself to her feet, wobbling a little when the boat gave a small jerk as the current pushed it along. A sense of unease passed over her, like a little chill that felt like cold fingers touching her spine. She shivered, wondering what it meant. Something was watching them? Why hadn't she sensed it before?

Then she felt it, strong and icy, the hand of ghost gripping her heart. She fought down the instinct to panic, clenching her teeth against the racing of her pulse. Something was watching them. She could feel it now, malicious and corrupt, a vicious anger that came bubbling her way.

"Inuyasha," she murmured, reaching out to grab his sleeve. "We've got to get off the river."

"I already told you…"

She shook her head, hardly able to stand the sense of fear that was filling her now. "I know, but you're wrong…"

Her voice trailed off and darkness washed over her.

He was so wrong, it wasn't just watching them…it was _waiting_.

Kagome shrieked as the deck of the boat suddenly surged beneath her feet. She lost her balance and was flung hard into Inuyasha's arms as a tentacle broke through the bottom of the boat and lashed at them.

"What the fuck is that?" Inuyasha shouted, swinging Kagome behind him. She staggered against the edge, catching herself hard enough to get slivers in her palms. Inuyasha snarled and threw himself at the tentacle that was literally ripping the boat apart under them.

"Kagome!"

She spun around just in time to see Shippou fighting with another tentacle. It had wrapped itself around his body and was dragging him into the water. Blood was pouring from numerous scratches as Shippou tore frantically at the slimy thing with his claws.

Kagome didn't hesitate, she planted her feet and threw herself across the bashed in deck of the boat and grabbed Shippou's leg. "No, you don't," she snarled, wrestling with the monster for possession of her friend. "You aren't taking him!"

"You stupid bitch," Inuyasha shouted, shredding the tentacle with his claws. He ran to the side of the boat and caught her by the ankles. Kagome screamed as Shippou was wrenched out of her grip and disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

"Shippou!" Kagome pushed Inuyasha away and tried to go after Shippou but it was too late, he was gone.

Water was pouring into the boat now, it was sinking fast. "Come on," Inuyasha growled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "We've got to get out of here."

"Not without Shippou," she cried, struggling with him. "I won't leave him!"

"You can't help him," Inuyasha hissed, holding tight to her. "Quit fighting me!"

Angrily, she spun around and raked her fingernails down his cheek. "Let me go!"

The deck under their feet shattered abruptly, exploding as more tentacles suddenly shot out of the murky water and threw them apart. Kagome hit the water hard, floundering as she tried to get her bearings and keep her head up. She swallowed a mouthful of water and coughed, surfacing once to take a deep breath before something slimy wrapped itself around her legs and dragged her under.

The tentacle squeezed hard and Kagome screamed without realizing it, wasting her last breath of air. The slimy monster wrapped itself around her body, squeezing her even tighter as she thrashed and fought desperately, pulling her deep under the surface. Darkness engulfed her and Kagome felt the strength leaving her body, her lungs burning with cold fire, aching for oxygen even as she closed her eyes.


	20. Twenty

Possession 20

_**Present Day**_

Inuyasha burst out of the water, gasping. It was a damn good thing that he could hold his breath longer than a human, even longer than an average youkai. He would never have been able to stay under long enough to tear that thing to shreds if he wasn't and these two idiots would be dead for sure.

He'd actually panicked when he'd seen Kagome pulled under, wrapped in the tentacles of a particularly hungry river youkai. The damn things were rare in these parts, but not unheard of. Usually they didn't attack boats either, which was why he hadn't hesitated about taking this route. They tended to feed on large fish, on animals that got too close to the river, or the occasional unwary human or demon that had the piss-poor luck to fall in. This one must have been damn hungry to attack like that.

Hungry or not, it was now dead thanks to his claws. Inuyasha waded to the bank with his waterlogged companions tucked safely under his arms. Shippou was coughing and groaning, but at least the damn brat wasn't fighting anymore. In the confusion, he'd taken a swipe or two at Inuyasha when he'd been trying to rescue him from the monster. The only way to get the disoriented kitsune to subside had been to pop him right in the jaw, knocking him silly enough that he didn't struggle when Inuyasha finally pulled him free.

The priestess was very quiet, probably just stunned. Inuyasha grunted as he pulled them up the bank, water pouring from his clothing and hair. He dropped Shippou hard on the ground, smirking as the soaked kitsune yelped and then lay quiet. Stupid kid, he shouldn't have fought and used up all his air so quickly. It would have been better just to let the beast drag him under and tear it apart when he got his bearings.

He was a little gentler when he put Kagome down, rolling the priestess over on her back so that he could see if she'd taken any damage from the attack. She'd probably swallowed quite a bit of water, but he knew she hadn't been under for that long.

"Hey," he said, slapping lightly at her cheeks. "You okay, girl?"

Her face was pale and waxy, her lips almost blue. Roughly, he turned her over on her side and shook her, hoping she'd vomit up the water she'd swallowed. Water ran from her mouth all right, but she was limp as a dead fish and he felt that strange sense of panic setting in again. She couldn't be dead; he'd been quick enough, hadn't he?

"Damn," he cursed, thinking that he was the fool. He shook her again and realized for the first time that she wasn't breathing. He slapped at her face a little harder this time, feeling the darkness at the back of his mind swimming. A nameless fear took hold of him, a desperation that he didn't recognize. He was supposed to save her, protect her, and here he was, failing her!

"Don't give up on me, damn you," he muttered angrily as he pulled the woman into his lap.

A memory suddenly surfaced in his mind, an old one from many years ago. When he'd been a child, just a pup barely out of diapers, his mother had lived in a village that was near a river. He could just barely remember it, standing near the water with his mother's hand clenched tight in his.

A child had fallen from a boat. He could remember smelling the panic and grief radiating from the humans as they tried to revive her. The desperate father had placed his mouth of that of the little girl, trying to breathe for her even as her family wept and wailed around him. That father's face, transcended in fear, had struck the young hanyou, he could still remember clinging to his mother and crying because everyone else was crying.

Then the little girl had gasped, coughing and vomiting up water as her father sobbed over her and stroked her hair. Inuyasha had thought it was nothing less than a miracle; magic the father must have conjured to bring the child back. Now he was older and he understood things better.

Carefully, he tilted her head back in his palm and covered her mouth with own. He closed his eyes and exhaled into her lungs. Her chest expanded slightly with his breath and then relaxed. Again, he breathed for her, resolving that he wasn't going to let her get away with letting herself be killed. He'd never hear the end of it from that fucking wolf or his kitsune brat if he let this priestess just die on him and did nothing to prevent it.

"Come on," he whispered, breathing for her again. He didn't know what else to do, if he should shake her or hit her on the back to make her revive. Humans were so fragile, so weak. It was a mystery how any of them managed to survive in such a harsh world, how they kept trying to survive. He would breathe for her until she was able to do so on her own. It didn't matter how long it took.

He pulled his mouth from hers and wiped the hair away from her cheek, his expression more gentle and tender than anyone had seen it in years. "Don't give up," he whispered again. "Don't let it win, you're tougher than this."

He was losing, he could feel her slipping away from him and he squeezed the woman tight, gritting his teeth in frustration. "Damn it, Kagome! Wake up!"

Inuyasha felt her stir, her body twitching in his arms and sighed in relief. He leaned back to look at her closely, his face hovering only inches from hers. Her cheeks weren't so pale now; her lips had lost that unhealthy tinge of blue even if they were still pale as a fish's underbelly. He cupped her cheek in his palm, smiling a little as the woman slowly opened her eyes.

"You still here?" he murmured.

Her eyes were unfocused and glassy; she seemed to be looking through him, not at him. As if she'd already passed into the land of unseen dreams, never to return. Cradling her carefully against his chest as if she were so fragile she might break apart, Inuyasha felt her hand come up to rest on his shoulder, the fingers twisting in his hair. Concerned, he leaned closer to catch the ghost of whisper when she spoke.

"Inuyasha?"

"I'm here," he answered softly. Then she tilted her chin up and murmured something he didn't understand. Her fingers curved around the back of his neck, drawing him down to her and she pressed her lips to his, kissing him. For a moment, he froze in confusion, feeling the woman's mouth warming under his and then he closed his eyes, accepting the gentle kiss.

Warm and sweet, deadly as intention, he wanted to fall into that kiss. He knew he was falling, he knew that he had lost the battle, it was all over. She would draw him inside her and devour him, tear apart the last hanging shreds of his soul and he…did not care…

She could drag him to hell with her kiss and he didn't care. He could almost feel it, the ground opening underneath him, vines curling around his legs, binding him tight to this priestess that he'd already pledged his soul to protect.

_To love_…

"Get away from her, you son of a bitch!"

Something hard slammed into him, sent him sprawling as he fell across the woman's body. Hard hands seized him by his hair and dragged him up before a fist smashed into his face and blood poured from his nose. Shippou hit him again; Inuyasha made no attempt to defend himself as the kitsune's fury split his lips and bloodied his chin.

"You bastard," Shippou raged, completely out of control. "We almost drowned and you take advantage of Kagome! I'm going to kill you!"

"You can try," Inuyasha murmured, cracking a bloody smile at him. He wanted to laugh at the expression on the fox's face, his jealous fury made him look insane. As insane as everything around them and Inuyasha spat blood at him and smirked.

"What's the matter, punk?" he husked as Shippou seized him by his haori and cocked back a fist. "Wish you were the one who kissed her instead?"

"You aren't fit to live," the kitsune snarled, his eyes almost glowing with green fire and hatred.

"Maybe not," Inuyasha growled back. He surged upward and hit Shippou hard in the face with his forehead and heard the kitsune's nose break. It only took a second, as the will returned to his body and anger replaced the desire to laugh. He sent Shippou flying back with a powerful kick and leapt to his feet as he grabbed a handful of red hair.

"I might not be fit to live but you wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for me," he said coldly, dragging the struggling young fox back to the river. "I knew I should have let you drown, rat."

Furious now, he pulled Shippou into the water and shoved him under. "That's okay, I know how to fix that mistake!"

This was fun; he could feel the fox weakening under his grip, his struggles becoming less as the strength slowly drained out of him. "Heh, you were tough a minute ago when you caught me by surprise."

He wrenched Shippou out of the water, his hand still buried cruelly in the kitsune's hair. The young man gasped, coughing up water but still glaring at him with pure hatred and defiance.

"Tell you what," Inuyasha said pleasantly, giving the boy a shake that made him yelp in pain. "You apologize and I won't kill you. Sound like a deal?"

"Fuck you," Shippou coughed, water still pouring from his mouth.

Inuyasha's eyes lit with sadistic pleasure. "You're gonna learn not to fuck with me, brat," he said, enjoying this more than he had any right to. "Have another drink!"

"Inuyasha, no!"

Her desperate voice made him turn around. The priestess was sitting up, her hair sticking to her face like wet spider webs and he saw a world of pain in her eyes that had nothing to do with her near drowning. Shaking, she slowly got to her feet, her arms wrapped around her body like she was trying to keep her heart from being torn from her chest.

"Let him go," she said miserably, not looking at him. "Please. He doesn't understand."

He stared at her a moment before dropping the half-drowned fool. "Just keep him the fuck away from me," he hissed, wondering why the look in her eyes had the power to make him feel so ashamed of himself. He swore that he didn't know who he was anymore; it seemed like nothing made sense. She kept bringing out these feelings in him that he didn't understand. And didn't want.

One minute he was pissed enough to drown both her and that stupid fox in the river…the next he felt like he should be the one who was protecting them.

What in the hell was going on?

He used to think he knew.

_**Ten Years Earlier**_

Anger was coursing through his veins like a molten fire, a tidal wave of devastation. So she thought she could just fall through the well and he wouldn't follow? Her pathetic little wards couldn't constrain a demon like him. Inuyasha laughed, the sound echoing harsh like madness around the still glade.

"Bitch," he hissed. "This isn't over yet."

He wouldn't have recognized his own face right now; it was so twisted with hatred and murder. Snarling with fury and desire, yes, desire to hurt, to maim, to tear her into tiny pieces and devour her living heart had transformed him into something beyond a nightmare. He was youkai. More than youkai, he was pure evil and the woman he had chosen was going to learn that in every painful way.

He ran at the well, his breath coming in long, ragged gasps, and threw himself headlong into the ancient portal. She would pay for defying him!

Agony shot through his body as soon as he touched the well, barely getting a fingertip past the threshold before he was violently thrown back. Brilliant light filled the sky and blinded him; every nerve of his body was suddenly flooded with white-hot pain, burning torment. Inuyasha howled in sheer anguished fury, sounding like a beast that had been made mad from torture before its death. He hit the ground hard enough to cave it in, his face buried in the soft, dark earth.

When he came to, he couldn't think, his head was throbbing as if a thousand blows had been rained upon his skull. He tried to open his eyes and get his bearings but the intensity of the pain was so great he vomited, heaving until his body trembled and shook. Just like a lowly human, exactly like a human. His mind cleared suddenly, clouds parting and the clarity of a moonlit night filled his muddled heart. For a long time, he just lay still, breathing deeply and trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

She was gone. He'd never thought he'd drive her away and he never thought that he'd be the one to betray her. After everything they had endured together, for each other, Inuyasha had never dreamed that he'd be the one to cause her pain.

He looked down at his hands in revulsion. The long claws, the way the blood had sparkled on them had excited him only a few minutes ago. Her fear, her pain, they had thrilled him, driven him to the brink of ecstasy. Now like a passing dream, that thrill was dead and cold. He was left alone to face the truth of what he had almost done, the truth of what he had become.

_Monster_…

Closing his eyes, he sank to the ground and sighed heavily. He had struck her; he'd struck little Shippou. There could never be forgiveness for what he had done. His intentions hadn't been to become a monster. He'd only wanted to protect them from the demon inside of him. Now look at him, he'd become everything he'd ever hated because he'd made the most horrifying mistake of his life.

The power and strength that he'd desired in his heart, it hadn't been because he was afraid of losing in battle. It was the battle inside him that had always terrified him, made him fear for the lives of his friends. The Tessaiga had made him an equal with the most powerful of youkai, even his always smugly superior brother. But in the end, he feared his dependence upon it to keep his own violence contained. Kagome wouldn't love someone who was a mindless monster.

He never should have tried to make her stay.

Staggering a little, he stood up and looked around. His head was still spinning from the spiritual power that had overwhelmed his youkai strength. The well had rejected him and Inuyasha could only feel gratitude for that. At least something had stopped him before he'd acted on those violent, murderous urges. If he'd been able to follow her…

Unbidden, the vision of what he'd intended flooded his mind with lurid dreams of rape and torture. He shuddered, sickened again and let out a wordless cry of pain. Her family had shown him nothing but kindness! Kagome had never given him anything less than the very acceptance he'd craved for his entire life! Now it was lost to him, slipped away down an old, darkened well to a place where demons no longer walked and monsters like him were only made for fairy tales.

_Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a half-demon boy_…

"I'm sorry," he whispered, wishing she were there to hear the words, wishing there was some way he could tell her that this time he wasn't lying. He hadn't meant to lie to her before; the words had come tumbling out of his mouth, his arms tightening around her back until she cried out in pain. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, hot with all the shame that burned inside his heart.

"I'm so sorry, Kagome."

**You cry like a little girl…**

The voices whispered like poison in his mind, it came from the darkness and made his ears twitch. He was on his feet immediately, searching around him wildly with his heart hammering like thunder in his chest. Nameless panic filled him, knowing the sound of those voices but still trying to deny their source.

"Who's there?" he snarled, his fists clenched and damning anyone who would dare to mock his pain.

**You're better off without her…that bitch only slowed us down…**

"Us?" he asked fearfully, knowing the voices were too familiar, too intimate to have come from anywhere else but inside his own battered soul. "Who are you?"

Only silence answered him and Inuyasha bared his teeth at the quiet forest, daring it to fight. A light breeze stirred his hair, made the trees whisper obscenely. He was alone, he was sure of it. Unless his grief and self-loathing had truly driven him insane, maybe he was only imagining things.

A dark laugh echoed in his ears so loudly that it couldn't be mistaken. It rolled like thunder in his brain, cracking open the endless sky. It was the sound of his damnation and the sound of his death and Inuyasha was driven to his knees from the overwhelming pain.

"Stop it," he cried, desperate now. "Just leave me alone!"

**Pathetic…you don't even know what you really are…**

"I know what I am," he ground out, clasping both hands to his aching skull. Damn, why did they have to be so loud?

**Fool… you're the same as us…**

"No!"

**You should have killed her sooner…then she never would have left you…**

"No!"

It was what you truly wanted…

Battering against him, tearing his heart to shreds, it ate at him like a wildfire consuming his body. The harder he tried not to listen, not to see, the more unbearable it became until pain was all that Inuyasha had left. He fought it back; rolling on the ground and flailing as he begged and pleaded with the monsters to leave his mind, just leave him to die if that was his fate.

**Give in…join with us…become as you were always meant to be…**

"I'll never give in," he husked, his voice every bit as dry and cracked as his body.

Pain had filled him, defined him, and gave him its form. Lightning coursed his veins, torturing his limbs into helpless convulsions. He knew he was blind, darkness had spilled over and filled his eyes, blood crusted his mouth. The only way he knew that he was still alive and not in hell was that he could still hear his own pain-wracked breathing.

"I'd rather die than let you use me anymore," Inuyasha whispered, unable to fight any more. He was too weakened by their torment, by his own despair. But he wasn't going to let them win.

He wouldn't give in, but it didn't seem like defeat if he was allowed to die. For the first time, he saw himself for what he was, what they had made him. Those voices, those awful voices that had been part of him since the moment the jewel had burst in his palm. The souls of a thousand angry demons had devoured him, fool that he was, and he'd never thought about them until it was too late.

"I won't let you hurt Kagome ever again!"

**Fool…you think we'd let you die and take this body with you…no, son of Inu no Taisho, we will not allow you to die…**

"Damn you," he snarled, summoning strength from somewhere deep within his soul. His father's name gave him a fresh burst of rage and he fought their control with every last bit of stubbornness he'd ever owned. He had no power left to fight for his life, but damn them to hell! He would fight for his death!

Wrenching his arms free, he raised his claws to his face and tore at his own skin. He felt the monsters inside him howl with rage as he ripped his own flesh, determined to destroy this body that had been the cause of so much terror. In the still moonlight, blood splattered dark onto the grass in abstract ribbons. He tore out handfuls of his own hair, letting the silvery strands fall around him in shimmering, ghostly cobwebs.

**Stop that!**

"Why?" he gasped, listening to the eerie sound of his own blood still dripping. "Does it hurt?"

Silence, only blessed silence. Inuyasha dropped to his knees, exhausted and weakened by the loss of blood. It might be damned hard for a youkai to bleed to death but he was going to give it a try. He fell forward on his face, his cheek resting in the soft grass and the scent of his own blood heavy in his nostrils.

_This is how it's supposed to be_, he thought with dizzy satisfaction. _I finally won, I'm finally…free of them._

"Inuyasha?"

The soft voice didn't make him stir; even his ears lay flat and limp in his hair. He was imagining that voice, he was sure of it. There was no way she'd come back to him.

Hands pulled at his shoulders, warm hands, and he could smell the salty scent of her tears. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing her to just go away, to just leave him.

_Go back down the well, back where it's safe_…

"Inuyasha," she said again, her voice broken with grief. "Inuyasha, please! You have to live; you have to stay with me! Stay for me, Inuyasha!"

_No, please don't be real. Kagome, you can't be real, you can't be here_…

He could feel the warmth of her cheek against his back, the softness of her hair as it tickled over his shoulders. There was no way he could let himself die if she came back to him. If Kagome could return, if Kagome loved him so much that she'd forgive even the horror of his crimes against her, how could he leave her?

Slowly, he managed to get his arms underneath him so that he could roll over. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move and only seconds before he would have been glad to slip away into the abyss. But he couldn't, not if Kagome was here, not if she still needed him…loved him…

"Kagome," he whispered, saying her name like a prayer, like a plea for benediction. If the gods had been listening, had asked him for his final wish, it would have been to look at her one last time so he could tell her how sorry he was for being such a fool.

**Fool…**

His eyes opened when he heard that voice, panic swelling inside him like a flowing river. He had to warn her, protect her if he could, no matter the cost. But instead of warm brown eyes, he saw eyes of amber, ragged white hair flying wild around a gouged and torn face. Split lips smiled at him, blood still staining white fangs and a hideous smile he knew as his own.

He couldn't deny it and Inuyasha screamed his despair in a voice that had no sound, held only the ghost of a defeated, devoured soul.

_**Present Day**_

Kagome knelt in front of the tiny campfire, clumsily adding another piece of wood. She sighed heavily as she sat back, feeling every bruise and ache so keenly that they made her want to scream. Her fingers combed again through her still-damp hair and she grimaced at the smell of river water. She felt grimy and exhausted from her near drowning and the back of her throat still tasted foul.

Shippou murmured something in his sleep, scowling briefly before turning over. Kagome smiled to herself, resisting the urge to brush the hair back from his eyes. Poor Shippou, first a beating, then sick all over the place, now she'd nearly gotten him drowned. She found that she still missed the child he'd been too acutely to admit it, but right now she felt weak enough to cry.

He shouldn't have to suffer all of this just because of her. She knew in her heart that Shippou would rather cut off his fingers than leave her alone with Inuyasha, but Kagome reflected that it might have been for the best. He was dear and sweet, jealous as hell, but she didn't want to see him hurt anymore.

"This is my fault," she murmured, rubbing her temples in distraction. Everything she touched seemed to turn to shit. What kind of idiot was she to have insisted on this journey in the first place? Her first instinct should have been to put as much distance between herself and Inuyasha as possible, damn the well anyway. There had to be an easier way, somewhere out there, there must be a priestess, or a monk, or a mystic that would have some idea how to make it work again.

Instead she'd chosen the most dangerous option. That was how she'd managed to live her life the past ten years. Never playing it safe, never taking a chance that didn't have a hefty payoff. Never gambling by leaving things to fate if she could manipulate her way through it. If she'd wanted to waste her money on a therapist's opinion, she might have been told that her recklessness was really just a hidden desire for self-destruction.

Kagome snorted. To hell with therapists, she wasn't suicidal. Suicide was in staying here; in losing everything that she'd gained so through such pain and sacrifice. She'd fought and clawed a life for herself on the other side of that well. Nothing was going to stand in her way, she was Kagome Higurashi and she'd survived what would have killed anyone else.

"Oh, bullshit," she whispered, disgusted by her sorry attempts at boosting her self-confidence. The truth was that she was scared to do anything else, she'd been too scared of more failure and shame to let herself do anything else but succeed. She was too scared now of being stuck here to not grab at the best chance she had for returning.

Obviously some favorable god was looking out for her. She could have returned to an Inuyasha that was still consumed by hatred and sickening lust. One that would have broken her soul into pieces again rather than just dismissing her with contempt.

_Except_…

She sighed again, leaning her forehead on her knees. He hadn't dismissed her; he'd rescued her from that squid-like monster, even breathed life back into her resistant body. You'd think a pure youkai would have known an opportunity when he saw it. It would have been easy for Inuyasha to let them both just drown. Then he could have gone back to his brother and cheerfully informed him that the human and the kitsune had been clumsy and slow enough to get themselves killed.

She didn't think Sesshomaru would have shed any tears over it, why would Inuyasha be any different?

Kagome stood up, shaking out her long sleeves in front of the fire. At least her clothes were finally dry. It wasn't like she had anything to change into; they'd lost all the supplies that Makiko had provided for them. Once again she was going to have to live rough, sleep on the hard, cold ground. It was a damn good thing that the weather was so warm, otherwise she might be looking at making Shippou's tail into a furry warm cloak of her own.

The image of herself wearing Shippou's tail wrapped around her shoulders should have amused her, but Kagome had never felt less like laughing. The kitsune would happily cut off his tail or more if that were what she needed. Ironic, after spending so many years teaching herself to manipulate men, she now found herself trapped between two males like this.

One she didn't have to manipulate because he'd freely give her whatever she asked, simply because she asked it. The other she refused to even attempt. Not because she thought he wouldn't be twisted or swayed by seduction, but that seduction would damn her very soul. It was too dangerous for her to even consider.

Inuyasha hadn't come back; he'd left them alone after nearly murdering Shippou. Again, that was all her fault and Kagome burned hot and cold with the shame of it. Better that she'd managed to convince the fox-youkai that he'd just misunderstood. It had taken quite a bit of careful explaining on her part and it had been awkward to even try to defend Inuyasha's actions to Shippou.

Awkward, the hell. It had been damn near impossible. Even after she'd explained, Shippou had been almost too angry to even look at her. Finally at her wit's end, she's reached over and grabbed one of his pointed ears and gave it a sharp yank to get his attention.

"I know you don't believe me," she said, proud of her even tone even as the sullen look on his face made her want to scream. "But it is the truth. Not only did Inuyasha save us both from being eaten by that thing, he also saved me by breathing for me. It's common practice where I'm from, I'm surprised he even thought of it on his own."

"It looked like he was kissing you," the fox grumbled sourly. Shippou rested his chin on his fist and stared at her with eyes too green and suspicious. "You weren't fighting him, Kagome."

"Of course not," she snapped, matching him glare for glare. "I was half unconscious, Shippou! Would it make you feel better if I lied and said that he tried to molest me? Maybe he should have just let me die instead, at least then you could make sure he didn't try to screw my corpse!"

Shippou flinched and Kagome's mouth twisted in amusement. Disgusting and crude as the idea was, it had at least made him see how ridiculous he was acting. Jealous kid.

Not that he didn't have good reason to be suspicious. He'd spent years nursing his hatred, just as she had. Hadn't she jumped to the same angry conclusion when she'd seen Shippou's bruised face? Her first thought had been to accuse Inuyasha, because that's what her heart wanted to believe. It was safe, it was deserved and why shouldn't they both think the worst of the person who had done the worst to them?

_Except_…

Kagome groaned softly and covered her face with her hands. What the hell had possessed her to kiss him like that? Inuyasha knew the truth and that was why she was grateful he wasn't here. She could just see the sadistic glee in his eyes as he told Shippou that it was her, Kagome, who had initiated that kiss. Kissed him like he was a lover returning to her after a long absence, kissed him with tenderness and passion. And that after nearly being drowned.

Her mind had been fuzzy from the lack of oxygen, she'd been confused and scared and not really in control of herself. Those were all good excuses if she could just get herself to believe them.

"Stupid," she berated herself as she stalked around the campfire. It wasn't that late really; she had no reason to expect that Inuyasha wouldn't return by morning.

No doubt he'd be surly and mean-tempered, but both her and Shippou would be in real trouble if he abandoned them now. She had been paying attention when he'd insisted this area was dangerous to travel by foot and now Shippou said that they were far to the north of Kouga's territory. It wasn't likely they'd be able to find their way back to Sesshomaru's fortress either.

Not without a hell of a lot more luck than she was used to having.

And, she reminded herself, that wouldn't get her home. No, she had to find Inuyasha and see if she could make him listen. Shippou had been out of line, but the truth was that they had no reason to trust him either. And maybe, just maybe she could convince him to keep his big mouth shut about that stupid kiss. It would only hurt Shippou, but she was willing to own up to her mistake if it would keep the peace.

Not that she had anything to apologize for. Hell no, she wouldn't even consider it. If that's what he thought he needed, for her to apologize for Shippou's misunderstanding they might as well get back in the river and drown themselves. It wasn't going to happen, not in this lifetime or any other.

Kagome cast a look at Shippou as she headed towards the forest. He looked so much younger when he was sleeping, she could clearly see the face of the child she'd loved and protected. Somehow, she found herself wondering what his life had been like with Kouga. Shippou spoke of the wolf demon as if he was part older brother, part father figure. It reminded her of the way he'd once seen Inuyasha, the way Souta had seen Inuyasha.

She shook her head and smiled to herself, remembering her little brother and his annoying hero-worship. That had shattered once they'd had to tell him the truth. When Souta had realized that Inuyasha was reason his sister had been taken to the hospital, that Inuyasha was the reason she cried out in her sleep and walked around with dark circles under her eyes…

Another innocent person, Inuyasha, she thought darkly. Another betrayal, another heart that replaced love with bitterness. God, I hope it's been worth it to you. I hope that your ignorance has been worth it, the way you've made yourself forget about what you've done.

"You shouldn't be out here in the dark. It's dangerous, go back and go to sleep, priestess."

His voice startled her and Kagome jumped without meaning to. She tilted her head back to scan the treetops, finally catching sight of him lounging on a branch. Inuyasha had his arms folded in his sleeves, glaring down at her with an imperious and annoyed expression. He looked like he thought he had the right to order her back to her campfire, just dismissing her like a helpless child.

It wasn't going to happen. "I came out here to talk to you," she began.

"Save it. I don't want to talk to you."

Kagome made a small hissing sound against her teeth, frustrated as always by his belligerent attitude. "I'm not here to apologize," she said softly. "But you have to understand…"

"I understand everything," he said, bitterness falling from his voice. Kagome watched as he slid from the branch, landing in front of her with a soundless grace. "I heard you talking to the brat. Don't worry, I'm not so hard up that I'd fuck your corpse."

She winced inwardly, realizing that the stupid fool had taken her words literally. He had always taken everything she'd said as serious, taken every situation at face value. It had led them into no small amount of trouble when they'd been fighting Naraku. Time after time they'd walked into traps because Inuyasha just couldn't see what was in front of his nose.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said flatly, running a hand over her eyes in frustration. "I was just trying to explain to him that you weren't doing anything wrong, that you were trying to help me."

Inuyasha moved closer, closing the space between them until Kagome had to fight to keep herself from backing away. He made no attempt to touch her, just stared down at her with a cold, angry expression. His eyes glimmered gold in the darkness and she could feel his breath on her face when he finally spoke.

"I noticed you didn't explain to him that you were the one kissing me."

Damn him, she knew he was going to bring it up. She knew he must have been sitting out here for the past few hours, just waiting for the chance to confront her. Kagome felt her face flush and looked away, unwilling to meet that accusing stare. He didn't have the right to know the truth; nothing he'd done so far would convince her that he was capable of true remorse. He couldn't understand how much seeing that would have hurt Shippou, how much it would have hurt him to known what a weak-willed creature she had become.

"I'm not here to talk about that," she said softly, finding herself still unable to look at him. "I just wanted to ask you not to tell Shippou, it will only make things more difficult. I'm sure you can understand that."

Inuyasha scowled and made a huffing sound. "I ain't gonna tell that brat anything," he said at last, sounding disgusted by the very idea. "I don't care what kind of thing you two have between you. Just tell him that the next time he jumps me like that, I'm gonna pound that redheaded skull of his into a rock."

Kagome's mouth twitched involuntarily. The threat was real, but he sounded so much like the Inuyasha who had squabbled with Shippou years ago. Over candy, over ramen, sometimes just out of boredom, they'd always been jealous of each other in one way or another. At the time she'd thought it was endearing because under all that animosity they really cared about each other. Then everything had twisted back on her like a striking snake and she'd understood that she'd been so wrong.

He'd never been the person she'd wanted him to be.

Inuyasha saw the woman's expression flicker and for a moment he was struck by the intensity of the sadness in her eyes. It couldn't be what he'd just said, sure he'd love to teach the brat a lesson, but what the fuck could he do? The kid was achingly in love with the priestess and hated him. He didn't go around killing stupid kitsune brats just because they were jealous fools who should have known better.

"Hey," he said, leaning forward to stare hard at her face. "What's the matter, I said I'd keep my mouth shut. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes," she whispered. Damn it, why wouldn't she look at him? Didn't he at least deserve some kind of explanation?

He reached out and touched her chin, turning her face towards him. He prepared himself, knowing she'd probably smack him for touching her. Something about the way her hair fell across her eyes, something about the vulnerable way she held herself. The way she seemed to hate him, the way she usually shrank away from him like he was a diseased monster, it bothered him and not because she was a priestess and he was a demon.

She treated him the way a woman treats a man when he's betrayed her right down to her soul. Not just a man who'd hurt her body or scorned her for another lover. She looked at him like it hurt in places and ways that couldn't be seen. When it wasn't covered by loathing and disgust, he could see the pain still branded across her features.

"Gods," he whispered, stunned by the realization. "What the hell have I done to you?"

Her jaw tightened, he saw the flash of anger returning to her eyes. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," he rasped, suddenly furious with her. "I get it, okay? I know I did something…terrible…and I don't remember it at all. Just tell me what I did, I want to know why you hate me so much."

The woman made a bitter noise, almost a laugh but there was no way he could call it amusement. "You know," she said softly, "there was a time when I would have cared. You don't mean enough to me now for me to put myself through talking about it. Go to hell, Inuyasha. I'm not your fucking conscience."

Stung, he pulled away from her, his expression shifting from surprise to sick hurt. He had asked, he should have known better. "I see," he murmured, reaching up to rake his claws through his white hair. "You hate me so much you don't even want to talk about it. I'll leave you alone, priestess. It's probably better if I never remember you at all."

He turned to go, he really did, thinking that if he'd done that much damage the very least he could do was respect the fact that she didn't want to talk about it. Her hand caught his sleeve; keeping him from pulling away and he glance back at her in surprise.

"Why do you want to know?" she blurted out, her cheeks still slightly flushed.

Moonlight filtered through the leaves of the forest and made designs on her hair. It dappled her pale face with shadows, none darker than the ones in her eyes. It was his past, horrifying as it had to be, and he wanted it. Sesshomaru had refused to tell him any details; at first affecting a disinterest in his brother's past, finally admitting that there was much he didn't know. They'd left it at that, Sesshomaru being an expert at not talking and Inuyasha too confused to know the right questions.

"I look at you and something inside me is moved," he said slowly, hoping to hell that she could hear the sincerity in his voice. "It's not because you look like Kikyou. When I saw you dragged under water by that river demon, I panicked. I knew I had to save you, had to find some way to protect you."

"I want to know why," he whispered, leaning a little closer just to catch the scent of her warm skin. "Something about you…I don't know."

Kagome closed her eyes, leaning against a tree and took a deep breath. "It's complicated," she murmured, feeling her heart twist in her chest. "Yes, I knew you before you were a demon. Before I was…hell, I was never a priestess like Kikyou. It was a mistake from the beginning."

Resting his arm against the tree, his hand just above her head, he was much too close for her to be comfortable. But she didn't feel any threat coming from him, it wasn't like before when she'd seen the angry demon leap up inside him and come after her with blood and murder in its eyes.

"A mistake?" he asked, puzzled and off his guard. "Why? What was the mistake?"

Very slowly, she raised her hand and laid her palm on his chest, right over his heart. "I'm the one who broke Kikyou's spell," she whispered like an apology. "I'm the one who took the arrow out."

"You?" he breathed, believing her immediately. A tiny piece of memory flickered across the surface of his mind, something about a centipede and an old woman's voice shouting. For just the barest second, he thought he saw a girl's hand, floating out of the darkness, coming up to grasp at a wooden arrow, the fletching worn and ragged.

"You freed me," he said quietly, feeling a sense of exultation building in his heart. "It was you."

Kagome looked up at him, her eyes still so dark and fatal. "I said it was a mistake."

"Tell me what happened."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's the past," she burst out, turning away from him. "Because you really don't need to know and I don't want to relive it. Because there's a damned good reason to not tell you!"

"And that is?" he asked bitterly, certain she was playing with him again.

Kagome turned around, her expression completely neutral. "Sesshomaru told me not to tell you. He thinks you'll lose your mind if you're forced to remember it. Is that a good enough reason?"

He was shocked, stunned that his brother would keep something like that from him. The youkai lord had insisted that it would be better if Inuyasha recovered his past naturally, not forcing it or trying to use Tenseiga to fill in the missing portions. But he'd never expected the reason behind it.

"Sessh told you that?" he whispered, quite horrified that the darkness inside him still had such power. It was the wild beast that was kept inadequately chained. Over the years, his brother had trained him to control himself, soothed the nightmares and reinforced the bond between them. Now that Inuyasha no longer reeked of impure hanyou blood, Sesshomaru said that there was no reason he couldn't reach the same potential as any natural youkai.

Kagome cursed herself silently, realizing that she was beginning to feel sorry for the bastard. Damn Sesshomaru anyway, he should have told him there was a reason. Instead he'd let them walk out of the fortress knowing that sooner or later, Inuyasha would have questions. Her lips curled bitterly, thinking that there was still the possibility that Sesshomaru intended him to find out this way.

She was startled when she saw Inuyasha grin at her. "Just like Sessh," he said, shrugging off his brother's deception. "He's got his own reasons for everything. I'll pry it out of him when I get back, but until then, I'll have to trust he was right."

"You trust him that much?" Kagome asked doubtfully.

"Yeah, he's my brother." Inuyasha's eyes narrowed suspiciously, reading her disbelief. "What the hell do you know about it?"

She couldn't resist, she had to tuck just a seed of doubt under his skin. "More than you," Kagome said lightly. "For instance, has he ever told you how he lost his arm?"

Inuyasha flushed and Kagome made a soft clucking sound with her tongue. "Too bad," she said, smug and secure again. Her moment of compassion for him had passed and she was angry that Sesshomaru had allowed his brother the bliss of ignorance while she had to carry the past on her back like a mule.

"The Sesshomaru I knew didn't have your best interests at heart," she said sweetly. "The next time you see him, you should ask him why. And ask him who cut off his arm and why, you'll find it absolutely fascinating."

Kagome gasped when his hands came down on her shoulders. His fingers flexed in tacit threat, not piercing her clothing or skin, but she could still feel the sharpness of his claws. Inuyasha glowered down at her, not letting her drop her gaze this time or avoid his angry questions. "How do you know about it, bitch? How do you, a human priestess, know anything about Sesshomaru? Don't you lie to me!"

She clamped her mouth shut and twisted her face away from him. "To hell with you," she muttered. "You deal with him yourself."

"Why do I know you?" he asked, tugging her closer. Kagome froze, her pulse speeding up and nervous tremors making her ache. His face nuzzled the top of her head and she heard him inhale deeply. "I know your scent, your face. I'm not asking for you to tell me everything, there's just the one question I want answered."

_Don't_, she thought furiously, her hands trapped between their chests. _Don't ask me about that._

"The fox said that we fucked," Inuyasha said, his voice rough and dark. "Is that the truth? Tell me, priestess, were we lovers?"

Kagome hissed softly when the tip of his tongue flicked against her earlobe. She squirmed as his hands moved slowly down her backbone, coming to rest on the swell of her hips. She looked up; the stars were so very bright, the sky so clear. Nothing like her mind, which was muddled with the confused signals being sent from her nerves.

"You haven't answered," he whispered, sucking at the skin of her throat and planting burning kisses along her jaw. "Why do I know what you want, why do I know that you'll melt if I touch you like this?" His teeth nibbled lightly at her collarbone and Kagome moaned, reaching up with both hands to grasp his shoulders.

She wasn't pushing him away. Why wasn't she pushing him away?

"Tell me," he breathed, his breath hot as he moved to press his lips to the curve of her breast. "I can hear your heart pounding, I can hear the blood racing in your veins. As much as you hate me, something in you wants me too."

"No," she whispered, her hands making knots of his hair. "I don't want you, Inuyasha."

"Shut your lying mouth," he hissed, covering it with his own. Kagome fell into the kiss, letting him pull her up against him, her body going limp as he crushed it to his own. One hard hand held the back of her neck; the other was fisted in the back of her clothes. He ground his hips against hers, barely letting her breathe through the intensity of the kiss, his tongue attacking her own.

He tore his mouth away from hers, leaving her gasping. "Maybe you'll tell me when you're ready," he murmured, his eyes touched with crimson. "Until then, keep your secrets and your lies, priestess. I'll have the truth out of you one way or another. Then we'll finish this."

He pushed her away and bounded off into the dark forest. Kagome raised a trembling hand, wiping at her swollen lips. So that was it. That was what was bothering him so much. Something in him had sensed that they had been more than just casual companions. When she'd taunted him about knowing more about him than he knew about himself, he'd retaliated by proving that he knew her as well.

She had a feeling that it was only going to get worse.


	21. TwentyOne

_**Possession 21**_

"How's your nose?" Kagome asked him, for only the tenth time that day.

Shippou reached up to feel it, puffy and swollen was how it was, but he shrugged like it didn't matter. "It's healing," he said shortly. "Don't worry about me."

He glanced to the side to see if Inuyasha was paying attention to their conversation and saw the inuyoukai's eyes were dark as he stared at their campfire. Shippou scowled, not entirely sure if he liked this new development. For the past two days, Inuyasha had barely spoken to either of them. He didn't act angry either, not like he was seething underneath that calm exterior. Shippou decided he could stand a silent Inuyasha better than a loud-mouthed bastard, but he didn't like it just the same.

He didn't like the way the son of a bitch kept looking at Kagome. He liked even less the way she was also sneaking glances of her own. It made him feel like hitting something, a tree or a rock would have to do, but then he reined in the anger that made him want to explode.

He wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Shippou sighed, leaning his head on his fist and watched the dancing flames. He closed his eyes almost all the way to make it look like he was falling asleep. It wasn't very late and he was anything but tired. He felt like a fool, he felt like the world's biggest idiot.

Kouga would laugh at him if he knew about it. Still, his foster-father would expect him to do his best even if it meant enduring Inuyasha's company. It would have been easy for him to just abandon them both, about as easy as cutting out his own heart. He tried to imagine he was back home, the only real home he could really remember. Back with the wolf tribe that had somehow accepted him as one of them, playing with the little ones, laughing with his friends.

He was homesick for his family.

If it was like this for him, what must it be like for Kagome? She'd said she'd made a life for herself on the other side of the well, he'd dreamed all these years that she was safe and happy. If he believed that, it made everything they'd been through somehow worth it. When he was the one who was lost and alone, she'd come out of nowhere to save him. She hadn't left him on the side of the road; she'd smiled at him, an orphaned fox, and said…come with us.

And he'd loved her since that day.

Through his eyelashes, across the dying fire, he saw Kagome yawn widely as she stretched. It hurt him to see how hard this was on her. The rough travel, the sleeping outside, they came as second nature to him. He felt strange when he was inside. He'd been even more uncomfortable at the fortress and not just because of the inuyoukai that were Kouga's dubious allies. It seemed more natural for him to be outside. He always wanted to be where he could see the stars.

Not for her, she was just a woman after all. Kagome had told him a little bit of her life over the past few days, little enough that he could comprehend. She talked a lot about something she called money, she talked about things she called comforts. Rich food, soft beds, a life of ease that had nothing to do with their current conditions and nothing he could really imagine.

He was just a dumb kitsune after all, what could he offer her? His heart, his loyalty, his love…they didn't go very far when he couldn't even make her comfortable. Why would he ever think that a woman like her would want to be with a brat like him?

But she didn't really talk about any friends, anyone she cared about other than her mother and her little brother. No one close, no one she really missed. Where were all the people who had to be missing her, worried sick for her? She mentioned her secretary, whatever that meant, and complained that her superiors in her 'office' would be angry if several of her deals didn't go through.

It sounded like a lonely life to Shippou, but who was he to judge?

"Are you going to sleep at all tonight?"

Kagome's soft voice almost made Shippou jump; he was so deep inside his own thoughts. For a brief moment, he thought she might be talking to him but when he peeked through his eyelashes, he saw she wasn't even looking at in his direction. He lay quietly, hoping they'd think he was asleep. There were a few moments of silence, Kagome waiting for Inuyasha to answer her, Inuyasha waiting for Kagome to realize he was ignoring her.

"Inuyasha?"

"I heard you," he muttered, looking of his shoulder and staring right at Shippou for a moment. The kitsune gave nothing away, kept his breathing even as if he had just slipped off to sleep. If they were going to talk about anything, he wanted to make sure he heard it.

"Then why don't you answer me?"

Inuyasha grunted and shook his head. "I'll stay up," he said, his voice cold. "You two need the sleep a lot more than I do."

That rankled Shippou's sensibilities. He did not need to sleep, not anymore than Inuyasha did, and he was used to living in the wilds. He for damn sure didn't need to be watched over like a little pup, like someone you couldn't trust to watch his own back. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, and Kagome too for that matter.

He heard Kagome sigh and shifted slightly so he could see her a little better. She did look tired but she wasn't making like she was ready to sleep. Instead she sat with her knees pulled up to her chin, arms wrapped around them like she was afraid to let go of whatever was bothering her. Shippou privately thought she might rest a little easier if she'd let him watch over her. He thought about it, how he'd let her rest her head on his lap while he sat watch over her. That was how it should be, not let that stupid bastard think that he…

"Come on, Inuyasha. You keep staring at the forest like you're expecting it to attack you. If we're in any danger…"

"Of course you're in danger, you stupid bitch," he spat, sounding suddenly angry.

Shippou had to dig his claws into the ground, how dare he call her that! Kagome wasn't anyone's bitch; she didn't deserve to be sworn at either, not after what she'd been through. If Kouga were here, he would have put his fist into that dog's mouth for that, if Kouga were here, they wouldn't be having this conversation at all and Inuyasha would never get the chance to curse at Kagome or make her feel bad about anything ever again!

"I was just asking a simple question."

Kagome's voice had that hard edge to it and sent a chill down Shippou's back. He lay very quietly, listening and hoping that Inuyasha couldn't hear the way that his pulse was racing.

_Yes_, he thought angrily, _tell him he can't talk to you like that anymore, tell him to go to hell, you don't need him. You've got me to protect you!_

Inuyasha snorted softly and Shippou tensed when the youkai stood, walking past him slowly and rounding the campfire to stand over Kagome. He waited, his eyes starting to water from trying to keep from moving or blinking. It was taking all of Shippou's self control to just hold himself still.

"Then why did you ask?" Inuyasha said and Shippou could hear it as the demon crouched next to her. Kagome was giving him a cold glare for his trouble, not showing intimidation or fear. He was proud of her for that. But he couldn't stand it when Inuyasha reached out a single claw and moved a strand of dark hair away from her face.

Kagome didn't so much as flinch, meeting his eyes as calmly as a woman frozen in ice. "I'm asking because we have the right to know. For the past two days you've been looking over your shoulder every time we've stopped. You sit up all night without sleeping, glaring at the darkness."

"And?" Inuyasha asked and Shippou bared his teeth, hating his tone of voice. It was too intimate, too familiar, and he could see through the flickering flames that Inuyasha was leaning very close to her. He should stop this; he had to protect her from him.

_Protect her from herself, you mean_. The thought whispered unwelcome into his mind and Shippou's fingers clenched into fists. _Keep still_, he told himself. _Keep still and quiet as the rabbit in the bush, keep quiet and pay attention now_. It's what Kouga would do if he wanted to know what Inuyasha was really plotting and planning. He might let it slip now, for Kagome's benefit, but not in front of Shippou who knew him all too well.

"And I think you should tell me why," Kagome said quietly. She shifted slightly, turning to face him.

Inuyasha leaned close, inhaling deeply as if he wanted to get drunk on her scent. One of his hands came around her and settled on the ground right next to her knee. Shippou could see that she tensed, gave a little shudder as if she feared to have him to close to her. Or, his suspicious mind said quietly, as if she only wanted him to come closer.

_Damn it!_

"I think we're being followed," Inuyasha murmured, his lips only inches from her throat. Kagome swallowed hard and had to keep herself from pulling away, determined to not lose the upper hand again. "In fact," he continued, reaching around her as if he wanted to put his hand on her hip and pull her into his embrace. "I'm sure of it."

"You're sure?" she whispered back, leaning away from him again. Inuyasha only smiled; planting his hands on either side of her body so he could loom over her, ready to push her on her back. Shippou's teeth ground together until he could taste blood in his mouth.

"Sure as I am that the brat is awake and listening to us," Inuyasha said, grinning wickedly at Kagome as if he'd just let her in on the greatest joke. Her eyes were confused, searching his face until finally she put both her hands on his chest and shoved him away from her.

"What do you mean, following us?" Shippou snarled, sitting up and glaring at Inuyasha across the campfire. He knew that Inuyasha had been playing with him, seeing how far he could go with Kagome before the kitsune lost it in a jealous rage.

Kagome had asked him to control himself, not let Inuyasha get to him. Shippou was trying, damned if he wasn't trying his best, but something about seeing that white-haired bastard leaning close, ready to put his filthy hands on her made his heart contract with hate and grief. He wanted to jump to his feet and scream the words for the whole world to hear.

_Didn't you hurt her enough the first time?_

And Kagome had demanded of him that he say nothing to Inuyasha about their past. Not a word, not an accusation, nothing that might introduce the Inuyasha of the present to the bastard of the past. She made him promise and Shippou wasn't about to break a promise to her.

But damn it, Inuyasha wasn't going to make it easy. Still grinning, the inuyoukai stood and smirked as he returned to his place by the fire. The old Inuyasha would have blustered or cursed at him, maybe even chased him around the fire a few times for the hell of it. Shippou almost smiled, but the expression faded before it could appear, the warm memories slowly freezing inside his heart.

This Inuyasha regarded him coldly for a moment before turning away with a sullen glare. "I know we're being followed," he said, his voice darker than the night sky. "I just can't smell them."

"You can't smell them?" Shippou stretched his legs and leaned back on his elbows. Inuyasha had settled a few feet away from him, still in a ready crouch and obviously ill at ease. He couldn't help it; he enjoyed seeing the youkai looking so uncomfortable.

"If you can't even smell them," Shippou asked, his voice snide as he picked idly at his claws. "What makes you so damn sure they're out there?"

He didn't miss Kagome's narrowed gaze or the warning in her eyes. When Inuyasha didn't even bother to answer him, he sighed heavily and lay down, pillowing his head on his arms. "Maybe you're just paranoid," he said, almost to himself. "Maybe you're imagining things. That brain of yours has a lot of holes in it, I wouldn't be surprised if you made it all up just so you could act like you're the only thing keeping us alive."

"Shippou," Kagome hissed. "Stop it."

"I don't know," the kitsune continued, smirking a little at the annoyance in her voice. Let Kagome hear the truth, let Kagome realize that he wasn't buying Inuyasha's act for one minute and let Inuyasha know it too. "I think that we'd be doing just fine on our own, Kagome. He's really just baggage, you don't need him until you get to the well and…"

He was suddenly yanked off the ground by a hard hand that bunched in his shirt. Shippou yelped when Inuyasha swung him around, letting him dangle at the end of his arm like a toy or a baby pup. Inuyasha's eyes were gleaming fiercely as he held Shippou up to his face, staring at him as if he was contemplating how the kitsune's blood was going to taste.

Kagome surged off the ground, both of her hands held out as she tried to fling herself between them. Inuyasha batted her away easily, shrugging off her hands as he marched over to a tree. Shippou refused to cry out, not willing to let Inuyasha see him plead or beg. If he wanted to beat the hell out of him, so be it. Let Kagome see that he hadn't changed at all, let her see the brutal demon they all knew that Inuyasha truly was.

"Don't you dare hurt him!"

Inuyasha didn't spare Kagome a glance, still staring at Shippou with that fierce light in his eyes. Abruptly, he dropped the kitsune and reached out a hand to snag Kagome's arm, shoving her hard at Shippou.

"Stay here," he growled before he turned to plunge into the dark forest.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome called, clinging to Shippou as much as much from surprise as a need for support. He put his arm around her back, dumbfounded as Inuyasha's voice echoed back to them.

"Protect her, you stupid brat, or I'll tear your fucking head off the next time I see you!"

Like he needed to be told.

"Don't worry," Shippou murmured as he gently pulled her close. "I won't let anything hurt you."

Kagome shoved away from him as she slapped his hand from her waist. "Just what were you trying to prove, Shippou? Were you trying to see if you could get him pissed enough to beat the hell out of you?"

Hurt, he stared at the ground. "No, I was just…"

"You were just being an ass," she shouted, stamping her way back to the fire. "You were pushing him and you know it! Have you forgotten that I need him to go through the well? Isn't that the whole point of this in the first place?"

He couldn't help her to get home. Inuyasha could. Scowling, Shippou kicked at the ground, hardly satisfied as a small shower of dirt and pebbles scattered around him.

"I guess you don't need me at all," he said bitterly, knowing it was the truth. Son of a bitch. "If you want me to leave, just say so. I can take a hint."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagome demanded, stalking back to stand in front of him. When he refused to meet her eyes, she reached up and put her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. "You really believe that?"

"I can tell what's going on," he whispered, wishing to hell it didn't hurt so much. "I see the way you look at him and you don't look at me like that."

"Damn it," she muttered, shaking her head. "Don't you get it, Shippou? I do need you; I need you here with me. I don't want to be alone with him."

He felt the tiniest bit better, hearing her say that. No, of course she didn't want to be alone with him. The pain of what she'd already been through would be unbearable to her. She needed him to stand between them, make sure that the memories didn't overwhelm her. He felt embarrassed enough now, realizing that he'd been acting the jealous lover when she wasn't even his to begin with.

"Then…there's nothing going on between you? I was starting to think that you might still miss him. Might even still love…"

"Don't be stupid," she said, her tone harsher than she intended. Kagome grimaced and reached up to brush the hair out of his eyes. He looked so young, so vulnerable, his love for her a great aching pain in his eyes.

_Oh Shippou_, she thought, a little sadly. _You never really did understand_.

"I don't deny it," she whispered, hoping he'd hear the truth in her words. "I did love him, I loved him so much I would have thrown away my soul. I can't help it, Shippou, so don't ask me to apologize. Some part of me is still in love with the person Inuyasha used to be, or at least the person I wanted him to be."

His hand curled warm around hers and the kitsune gave her a faint, shy smile. "I wanted him to be that person too, Kagome. I can't forget it either. That's why I hate him so much now, that's why I can't stand it when you look at him like you used to. He lied to us and he almost killed us both. We can't help it, but it still hurts."

"Because we still love what we wanted him to be," she murmured. Kagome gave his hand a quick, firm squeeze and then dropped it, walking away from the fire. Somewhere out in that darkness, Inuyasha was searching for god only knew what. Maybe Shippou was right and they couldn't really trust him, not anymore than they could trust their own feelings.

"Anyway," she said, forcing a smile to her lips, "that doesn't mean that…"

She saw Shippou's eyes widen and she spun around, some instinct guiding her as she tried to throw her body behind the nearest tree. Kagome cried out as her arm caught and then stared in utter disbelief at the shaft of an arrow that had pinned her sleeve to the tree.

Shippou snarled at the dark forest, reaching down with a swiftness that surprised her to seize a rock and hurl it hard into the bushes. She thought she heard a muffled yelp as the kitsune ran to her side and planted himself between her and the direction the arrow had come from.

"Got you!"

There was the sound of a brief, frantic struggle and then Inuyasha bounded out the woods with a flailing figure caught tight in his arms.

"Rin?" she asked incredulously as she recognized the young woman.

"Just as I thought," Inuyasha growled happily. He gave Rin a little shake before setting her on her feet, keeping one hand clasped around the girl's arm so she couldn't make a run for it.

"I knew someone was tracking us, but it kept throwing me off that I couldn't catch the scent." Rin flushed, glaring at the ground and refused to look at any of them. "You want to explain yourself, Rin?"

Sullenly, she twisted her arm out of his grasp and tucked her hands behind her back. "You told me I couldn't go with you," she muttered, still scowling at the ground. "You never said I couldn't follow."

Inuyasha gave a harsh bark of a laugh. "You snuck out again, didn't you? No way Sessh would have given you permission to follow me. Don't you understand how dangerous that is? What the hell was going through your head, you know better than to act like such a jealous brat."

Kagome almost smiled; he sounded so much like a protective older brother.

Inuyasha sniffed at Rin's hair and the girl's face turned even redder. "So that explains it," he said, grinning a little. "You used hunting herbs to mask your scent so I wouldn't know it was you. Sneaky little git, I might not have caught you at all if you hadn't scratched your head."

There was a lump on Rin's forehead and a bit of blood had trickled down her cheek. Shippou reached the same conclusion as Kagome and cursed softly. "You're the one who shot that arrow!"

"What arrow?" Inuyasha noticed for the first time that Kagome's sleeve was pinned to the tree. His gaze darkened considerably as he watched the kitsune break the shaft so that Kagome could pull her arm free without tearing her sleeve apart. She poked a finger through the small hole and found that she was no longer amused.

Rin hated her so much that she wanted to kill her?

"Why?" Kagome whispered.

The girl folded her arms over her chest and looked away, her cheeks still stained with embarrassment. "I wasn't going to kill her," she said, her tone thick with contempt. "Just wanted to see what she'd do if I gave her a scare."

"You little bitch!" Shippou was absolutely furious, he looked like he wanted to tear Rin's arms off and use them to beat her. He even took a menacing step forward before being stopped by Inuyasha's low growl. "She fucking shot at Kagome," he snarled. "You're not going to defend her, are you? What if she hadn't missed?"

"I didn't miss, stupid," Rin shot back, glowering at Shippou in return. She glanced up at Inuyasha and met his threatening scowl. "I'm a damn good archer, Inuyasha! If I'd wanted to kill her, I would have. You know that Jano taught me everything about how to shoot, just like you taught me how to take care of myself in the wilds. I'm not a little kid!"

"Is that so?" Inuyasha's voice was soft and deadly calm; it made the hair on the back of Kagome's neck stand up. It seemed to have the same effect on Rin, because the girl suddenly paled and took a step backwards.

"You…you always treat me like I'm still a child," she stammered. Nervous now, she twisted her hands together and her voice rose with a pleading note. "I swear I wasn't going to hurt anyone."

The air seemed too still and thick, the tension surrounding them made it difficult to breathe. Kagome chewed on her lower lip as she watched them. Inuyasha's expression was dark and unreadable, threatening in some way she couldn't define. He didn't so much as glance at her or Shippou, his attention was all for Rin's scared face.

"You want to be treated like an adult?" he asked quietly. She hesitated for a moment and then nodded. His hand flashed out, a sharp claw pointing right at Kagome. "Then act like one, Rin. Apologize to her."

"Apologize to her?" Rin said, her eyes wide and incredulous. She sent a scathing glance at the priestess and squared her jaw. "Are you kidding me? That's the same woman who almost killed you! Are you just going to forgive that?"

"Apologize."

Angry again, Rin shook her head and tossed her long hair over shoulder. "I will not!"

Inuyasha shrugged, a nasty smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "Suit yourself, Rin. I'll treat you like the disobedient brat you are."

He grabbed the girl by the arm and dragged her over to a fallen log. Rin yelped as he sat down and yanked her across his lap, one hand holding both of her wrists in a vice-like grip. She started to struggle then, her legs kicking wildly. Inuyasha's expression was almost serene as he kept her from escaping.

"What is he doing?" Kagome murmured to Shippou, one hand going to her mouth in disbelief.

"Something my brother should have done a long time ago," Inuyasha muttered and brought the palm of his hand down on Rin's rear with a loud smack. Rin squeaked and twisted to look up at him in shock.

"Apologize, Rin."

Rin cursed and swore, sounding much like a wild demon herself. She started to fight against him for real, twisting and writhing on Inuyasha's lap like a captured mouse held in the talons of a hawk. He struck the girl's bottom again, much harder than before and Rin made a strangled sound somewhere between a yelp and a whimper. He raised his hand a third time and shook his head.

"You ready to apologize to Kagome?" At her silence, he spanked the girl hard, not pulling his blows and ignoring her soft cries of pain.

"What if you'd miscalculated?" Inuyasha asked gently, his voice at odds with his actions as his hand descended again and again while the quiet forest echoed with the sound of punishment. "What if you'd seriously hurt her, is that what you wanted?"

"No," Rin whispered, no longer fighting him and tears streaking her face. Her body shook with silent sobs as she bit her lips to keep from crying out. It was obvious she was in real pain and it wasn't just about embarrassment anymore.

"Then shouldn't you say that you're sorry?"

Kagome saw that the girl's pride was hurting at least as much as her bottom, she could see the shame in her eyes. Still Rin kept her mouth clamped tightly shut, her lips trembling as she felt Inuyasha raise his arm again.

"Inuyasha," Kagome said, reaching out to catch his wrist. "That's enough."

He pulled his arm away from her, letting Rin slide off his lap. "No," he answered, his voice hard again, "it's not enough. She owes you an apology."

"Isn't that for me to decide?" Kagome asked quietly. Ignoring him, she looked down at Rin's sullen expression. She should have been angry, she should have wanted to smack the girl herself, but something in Rin's eyes made her heart twist in her chest.

She knew what it was like to love someone so much that you'd do anything for them, anything to protect them. How it felt to burn with the desire to right the wrongs that had been done to them, to throw yourself into the fire for their sake.

Kagome fingered the hole in her sleeve and sighed wearily. Yes, she could read Rin entirely too well, enough that it made her ache. To love someone that much and to have them choose another over you…that was the worst pain of all. And she was much too tired to deal with those feelings, either Rin's or her own.

"It's late," she said, speaking to no one in particular. "Maybe we should all just try to get some sleep."

oOo

The morning dawned bright and clear and Kagome awoke to the sensation of sunlight warming her face. She remembered too well that this time of year the days were warm and humid, but the temperatures could drop to an uncomfortable chill at night. Yawning, she sat up and realized that a blanket had been dropped over her while she slept.

"Where the hell did this come from?" she murmured. Glancing up, she saw that Shippou and Inuyasha were already awake and out of sight, but Rin was sitting next to the campfire.

"I brought it," the girl said, not quite looking in her direction. "Inuyasha said that you lost all your supplies in the river, so I gave you the extra blanket I brought with me."

"Thank you," Kagome said sincerely. Maybe things wouldn't be so terrible; perhaps this was Rin's way of apologizing for shooting at her. It still disturbed her, how much the girl must hate her to do something like that. Although she had confessed that she wasn't trying to hurt her, the hole in Kagome's sleeve had made her realize how close it could have come.

"Don't thank me," Rin said, smiling at her with a false sweetness. "Inuyasha made me give it to you. I would have let you freeze if it was up to me."

The warm feeling in the pit of her stomach chilled over and Kagome felt her spine straighten a bit at the harshness underlying the girl's tone. Carefully, she folded the blanket and went to Rin's side and dropped it.

"Then I take back my thanks," she said stiffly, watching as Rin slowly pulled the offending blanket into her lap. "Next time, don't bother. I don't need anything from either of you."

She turned her back on Rin, rubbing her face and wished she had some water to wash with. Sleeping in her clothes made her feel so grimy and the way her hips and shoulders ached meant she really hadn't gotten any rest. She was glad that Inuyasha and Shippou weren't here; it would be hard to hide her exhaustion. The last thing she needed now was a venomous brat to take shots at her. Damn it, all she wanted was to go home.

"Kagome, wait," Rin said, this time sounding embarrassed. "I…I should apologize for shooting at you. My…Sesshomaru-sama will be ashamed of me when he finds out. I was just so angry that I couldn't go with Inuyasha; he used to let me go with him when he left the fortress. And I thought that maybe I could just follow him this time, just in case he…"

"In case I attacked him?" Kagome couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice as she turned back to face Rin. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? I'm just a mortal woman, Rin."

"No," Rin replied earnestly, standing up to approach Kagome. "You're not just a mortal woman. You're a priestess and I've grown up hearing the legends about what you used to do. Didn't you destroy Naraku?"

Kagome stared at her. "No," she said, biting off the words. "I didn't. That was Kikyou and Inuyasha; they were able to defeat him together. It wasn't me."

Rin gave her a suspicious look. "I thought that you were after the jewel, that's why you destroyed Naraku, because you wanted the jewel's power for yourself."

"No," she said again, wishing that Rin would just drop it. "I only went after the shards to stop Naraku, I never wanted the jewel for myself. What would I do with it?"

The girl hesitated, clearly confused by her continued denials. "But isn't it true that you enslaved Inuyasha with a cursed necklace? Didn't you hire a monk and a demon exterminator to keep him from escaping and force him to help you fight Naraku? Then when you had the jewel in your hands, you forced it on him and turned him into a full demon so that you could control him with it?"

Kagome's mouth dropped open, she could hardly believe what she was hearing. This was the story that Rin had grown up with? This was what that sweet, innocent little girl had been told was the truth? It made sense that Rin would hate her so much; it made sense that everyone would fear her like she was the true monster in the story. It was more than she could stand.

Rin backed away when the woman started to laugh; it was an eerie sound, forced and painful, that made a chill go down her spine. That the priestess was insane wasn't also part of the legend, but now Rin wondered if Kagome's mind had indeed snapped. Maybe she'd always been crazy, dangerous too, and nervously she crept backwards towards her bow.

The priestess was almost doubled over, laughing so hard that tears came from her eyes. "No," she choked out, her laughter turning bitter. "That's not what happened, Rin. You have it all wrong."

Straightening, Kagome wiped the tears from her eyes and gave Rin a long, serious look before continuing. "Those stories are not true. Miroku and Sango were my friends they were Inuyasha's friends as well. Ask Shippou, he was there and he'll tell you the truth."

"He already did," Rin answered, still looked at her most strangely. It suddenly occurred to Kagome that Rin hadn't just been asking questions; she'd been searching for something. Was she trying to confirm what Shippou had told her? Or was she really trying to catch Kagome in a lie?

Scowling, Kagome folded her arms over her chest and fixed Rin with a searching stare. "Why are you really here, Rin? It wasn't just that you were jealous, not just that your precious Inuyasha-sama left you behind. Did Sesshomaru really tell you to follow us? Did he change his mind about letting Inuyasha help me and sent you along so that his brother wouldn't have to decide if he should kill me himself?"

Rin flushed and looked away. "No," she answered. "That's not why he sent me after you. Sesshomaru-sama keeps his promises."

"Then tell me the truth," Kagome said in a hard voice.

"I'd like to hear that myself."

Both women started and turned to face Inuyasha as he stepped from the forest. Shippou was just behind him, a surprised expression showing that he'd heard most of the conversation himself. Without a word, he went to Kagome's side as if he was preparing to defend her against some nameless attack.

"I knew we couldn't trust them," he whispered in Kagome's ear.

Inuyasha looked like he wanted to echo those thoughts, but Rin didn't flinch as he dropped a pair of freshly killed rabbits at her feet. Breakfast, Kagome thought, realizing why they'd been away from the campsite.

"So you didn't leave the fortress without permission," Inuyasha muttered. "What, did he send you to spy on me? What's going on, Rin? Does my damn brother think that I'm going to kill and eat a human and a kitsune the minute I leave his territory?"

Rin blushed at the accusing tone of his voice. "You know that's not true."

"Then why?" he demanded angrily. "If he changed his mind, say so! He did let you come after me for a reason and I want to know what it is. Unless…" Inuyasha's expression darkened considerably. "Unless he doesn't trust me. Does he think I'll let some human bitch lead me around by my dick?"

Shippou growled softly and Kagome put a hand on his arm. "Let it go," she murmured. She was more interested in hearing Rin's explanation that Shippou's idea of defending her honor. She'd already let that part of herself go a long time ago, now she understood the world a bit better and knew there was no such thing.

"Of course he trusts you," Rin burst out, looked entirely shocked by Inuyasha's accusation. "When has he ever lied to you before?"

Kagome could think of at least one time when he'd done just that, but she deliberately kept her mouth shut and squeezed Shippou's arm hard in case the kitsune got any ideas.

Rin sighed and her shoulders slumped. "It's all my fault," she murmured sadly. "I just wanted so badly to be able to help you. Please forgive me, I thought you might need it."

She reached down to pick up the quiver of arrows that she'd brought with her and for the first time, Kagome noticed something strange about it. One of the arrows was longer than the rest and wrapped carefully. Rin drew it out and presented it to Inuyasha.

"Sesshomaru-sama agreed with me that you might need it, even if you don't want it and don't think it could be useful."

Kagome paled as Inuyasha unwrapped the package, instantly recognizing the battered looking hilt of a very old katana. "Tessaiga," she whispered.

Inuyasha shot a piercing look at her. "You know it?"

Flushing, she couldn't deny it no matter how much she wanted to do just that. "Yes," she answered, "I know it."

Inuyasha held the sword in his hands, glaring at the sheathed blade as if it was deliberately holding back secrets from him. "And you saw me use it?"

"Yes," she whispered.

Rin bit her lip as a series of expressions flickered over Inuyasha's face. Confusion, suspicion, denial and at last, a pained longing as if he too wished he could remember being able to use this last memento of his father. Grimly, he slung the blade at his hip and nodded sharply.

"We're wasting good traveling light. It's time we were on our way."

oOo

Inuyasha was furious, but he'd learned one thing while living at his brother's fortress. He'd learned how to keep his emotions from being easily read. No, he'd never be able to achieve the perfect, stony indifference of Sesshomaru but he no longer let every single thing he felt rule his actions. Instead he'd learned to seethe and gnaw on his anger like a mutt chewing an old bone that no longer held any flavor. Unsatisfying, but it gave him something to do.

He had too much to think about already. Sesshomaru must have lost his mind to send Rin out here. And with a damn sword he couldn't even use! Still, it felt oddly familiar to him to be carrying it now. So strange, the smell of the forest was tickling in his nose, the way the wind made the trees rustle in a way they seemed to speak only to him. It was familiar, it was terrifying, but it felt…right.

He pushed the feelings away from him, determined to not let them draw him into the dark and empty hole where his memories no longer lived. He didn't want the past and he didn't need it. It was a useless blade, a rusty sword that only gathered dust. But his hand had a mind of its own and wanted to reach for the hilt, wrap fingers around it to draw the blade from the scabbard. He wanted to feel something from it; he could almost imagine the power singing in his blood, filling him with a pulse of energy. He could almost see the blade transforming and becoming like an extension of his living body.

Bullshit.

If the sword had ever held magic, it was long since gone. It might be a sword made from his father's fang, but in his hands it became nothing. And Inuyasha hated nothing more than to be reminded of how it felt to be nothing.

Her voice carried forward to him as she spoke to the fox again. Her voice was like this sword, a vessel that had once held the taste of meaning only to become a ghost on his lips. What was he doing, thinking so much about a human woman? He made himself push the thought of her behind him; he made himself push the memory of her lips from his conscious mind. And along with that memory, he tried to tuck away a bit of truth he wanted to deny.

If Sesshomaru had sent Rin to give him the Tessaiga, that woman must be far more dangerous than he'd realized. Nothing else would have prompted such an action from his brother, a youkai who was not known for hedging his bets or trying to be cautious. Was it truly a trap set by Kouga or another enemy, a trap designed to lure him out in the open and away from Sesshomaru's influence?

He snorted to himself. According to Sesshomaru, Kouga wasn't that subtle and nothing he'd ever heard about the wolf said otherwise. No, he wasn't stupid enough to provoke the lord of the West by using a woman to kill his brother. And if he was that stupid, even Kouga would have never sent his own adopted son into a situation where he might take the brunt of the punishment for such a betrayal.

It had to be something else.

His nerves were definitely on edge; he'd thought this feeling of being watched would fade away when he'd caught Rin. The feeling hadn't gone away, if anything it had only increased. It was a feeling of dread, the sensation of wires being drawn tight, and a trap being set. He'd felt it when he'd first seen her in those clothes, looking so much like Kikyou it made his heart want to break. Pain was what he'd felt then and he'd acted on that pain like a wounded animal willing to claw or tear his way to freedom.

Yes, that was it. He was being manipulated and the thought of being used like this made a low rumble start deep in his chest. Inuyasha smiled to himself, looking down at his sharp claws. Who needed a sword? Whatever master was pulling these puppet strings, he was in for a big surprise when he finally sprung that trap and made his intentions plain. He was in for more than a surprise, he was in for bloodshed…

"Stop!"

He heard the panic in her voice and snarled to himself as he spun around. The woman's eyes were wide and frightened, searching around her almost frantically as she raised her hands to ward of an invisible blow. Behind her, Rin and Shippou had stopped and were also scanning the quiet forest.

"What's the matter, Kagome?" the fox wanted to know.

"Don't you feel it?" she whispered. Inuyasha reached out and snagged her by the wrist, somehow needed to keep a hand on her, just in case he needed to protect her. She barely noticed, letting him pull her closer than she'd like, but he wasn't thinking of having her now. Her confused panic wasn't any act; he could smell it on her like old death, like the scent of dried blood that was left in the sun. It was unmistakable, it was real and genuine, and not something she could fake.

It was fear.

"What's the matter?" he hissed, despising the way his own pulse speeded up to match hers. What the hell was it; did he have to believe her so instinctively? Was he blind or was he just a fool? It she was the one who was playing with them, he'd gladly tear out her heart.

He couldn't stand it if he found out she played false.

"I feel it," she whispered, almost swooning against him. Crazy woman, she had to be out of her mind if she thought he'd fall for that old trick. A youkai knew his instincts, trusted them like he'd trust his brother, and believed in them when his eyes or his ears or his nose might be tricked. Instinct was always to be believed.

That's when it hit him so hard he almost staggered. A feeling, a pure emotion of aching sadness, of unbearable grief. Suddenly his heart turned over in his chest with a sickening thump and he found himself clinging to Kagome like a weak child. Her flesh was warm and firm under his hands, the curves of her body pressed unnoticed against his. Inuyasha couldn't think, the overwhelming sadness taking him completely by surprise.

He'd closed his eyes without meaning to, sinking to his knees with the priestess clasped in his arms. His nose was buried in his hair and for a moment he thought the earth was shaking under them, trembling as if the ground had turned to shifting sands, sucking them down into a deep chasm of pure and bitter pain. Then he caught himself and knew that the ground wasn't shaking, it was the woman in his arms. She was sobbing so hard that he thought she might tear herself apart and he along with her. The inconsolable feeling was passing, growing faint again.

When he opened his eyes, he knew he wouldn't have been surprised if the forest had been torn away from them. He'd never felt anything like that, the wave of anguish so poignant it brought tears to his eyes. To feel like that, to grieve like that, it wasn't possible.

No mortal creature could endure such an emotion. All the heartbreak and terror he'd ever felt, at his mother's deathbed, at his own abandonment, at the tip of Kikyou's arrow meant nothing compared to this. A living heart would shatter, a living soul would be torn apart. An emotion like that could only come from the echo of a tormented spirit, a trapped and helpless soul that was denied the peace of death and the mercy of nothingness.

"What the hell is it?" he whispered, his hands automatically going to stroke the woman's hair. He made the soothing gesture without realizing it, without realizing that her arms had tightened around him, desperate to keep herself from falling to pieces and being swept away on that flowing tide of sadness.

He looked up at last and saw that Rin and Shippou must have felt it too. The fox youkai was kneeling on the ground as well, Rin's head resting against his chest. Her eyes were open, but her face was streaked with tears. Meeting his eyes, she gave him the smallest of smiles before letting her head fall forward and her hair cover her eyes.

"We felt it before in the village," Kagome murmured, sitting up a little so that she wasn't quite so close to him. "It must have grown stronger, the last time it didn't feel so overwhelming. At least, I didn't think it was."

"You felt it before?" he asked stupidly, not letting go of her. He felt like his hands had fused on her somehow, she was his lifeline, she was his sanity and it made no fucking sense to Inuyasha why he'd find strength just by touching her.

When she didn't answer, Inuyasha felt a bit of impatience creep into him and he welcomed the sensation. It drove away the cobwebs, it made his hands stop shaking and he felt like he could rise to his feet. Kagome didn't seem to notice as he gently helped her up, a befuddled and sick expression still in her eyes.

"What was it?" he demanded, thinking again that she might be holding out on him. She hadn't mentioned anything like that when she'd asked for Sesshomaru's help, he was damned sure she hadn't. Maybe this was the betrayal he'd been expecting; only it seemed that her own trap might affect her.

Either that or she was the most magnificent liar who'd ever been born.

Kagome shook her head, her face as pale and wan as an invalid's, but she managed to get her legs to support her as she gently pulled away from him. "I don't know," she said quietly. "It doesn't make sense."

"Is that your trap?" he asked, a bitter note creeping into his voice. "What are you trying to pull, priestess? What game are you trying to play with us?"

She stared at him and shook her head again. "You're paranoid," she answered. "I told you I don't know what it was."

The panic he'd felt was still singeing his blood, lighting his nerves with a need to make it understood. She was keeping secrets from him, he was sure that she was just like Kikyou and now was leading them all into a betrayal. Maybe the fox was even innocent, how could he know when all he understood to be true had played false in the end?

"Do you think I'm stupid?" he shouted suddenly and saw that even Rin was surprised by his outburst. Nameless fear ate at the back of his mind and with sudden clarity; something was speaking to him in whispers that he couldn't hear. It didn't matter how much she denied it, this time he wouldn't believe her.

_Not this time, not this time_, it was beating in his mind like a mantra. She'd almost had him believing her story, almost had him thinking that she wasn't going to _run away_, wasn't going to _leave him_…

"Leave her alone!"

Shippou's fist connected with his jaw and Inuyasha realized he had seized the priestess by her shoulders and was shaking her violently. He'd been saying something, he'd been asking her for something, something she couldn't give him, something he needed most desperately to hear.

He just wanted her to tell him the truth.

"Are you crazy?" Kagome screamed, snapping him out of his daze. Her eyes were wild; there was nothing but pure fury in her voice. "I'm telling you the truth, you miserable bastard! I don't know what it was, I didn't cause it and I for damn sure wasn't trying to trick you!"

"I…" He was at a loss for words, he didn't even know what he was trying to get her to admit to, why it meant so much. The sensation had faded and left him cold, hardly more than a shell of mysterious feelings that came and went with the wind. A mistake, he decided miserably, he'd made a terrible mistake.

"And don't you even think about saying your sorry," the priestess said in a waspish voice of anger. "Don't you ever put your hands on me again, Inuyasha!"

He agreed. He wasn't in control himself, it had all been broken by one unexplainable rush of anguish that didn't even belong to him. Inuyasha knew that he'd been unreasonable for a moment, demanding answers from her when he had no proof that it was any part of her plan. However, it wasn't in his nature to cave in to her anger, even if it was justified and he deserved it.

"Whatever," he said, waving away her fury like it meant nothing to him. "Keep your secrets, bitch. It won't do you a damn bit of good when the truth comes out. It won't protect you if I find out that you've been lying to Sesshomaru about the real reason you wanted me to take you to this village of yours."

"Real reason?" she demanded, her eyes still sparkling. Anger only made her beautiful and he didn't feel like being seduced by it right now. It didn't matter if her cheeks were flushed, if her lips seemed redder and more succulent as she cursed at him. He wanted to grab her and kiss that liar's mouth as hard as he could, he wanted to rake his hands through that dark and glossy hair, pull her naked body against his and make her answer him honestly as a woman should.

Inuyasha found that he'd quite lost track of what she was screaming about. Couldn't matter anyway, if he couldn't trust that his instincts weren't being manipulated, he for damn sure couldn't believe what she had to say.

Maybe that was the reason he didn't notice it sooner, and maybe his senses were still unnerved by the eerie sensations of grief and fear, but he turned his gaze to the forest just in time to catch a flash of movement as they attacked. Snarling, he shoved Kagome to the side to slash at the man who had raised his sword, ready to swing it and take the priestess' head from her shoulders.

Shippou reacted at almost the same time Inuyasha did, grabbing Rin's shoulder and throwing the girl to the ground as he narrowly avoided a blade that had been heading right for his belly. A dozen or more humans had poured from the quiet forest, well armed and moving with the synchronized precision of a well practiced team.

"Ambush!" the kitsune cried as he spun around, kicking and punching frantically to keep the men from overpowering him. Inuyasha didn't answer, moving swiftly to slash and tear into muscled flesh. The humans seemed to be wary of his claws, keeping him at a sword length's distance, trying to surround the youkai that fought with them.

Inuyasha feinted a grab at the nearest man and drove his claws deep into the belly of the next, heard the man scream in sudden agony as vital organs were punctured and torn. His hand came away sticky with blood, but Inuyasha didn't stop to finish him off. Another man had leapt onto his back with the clear intention of dragging him to the ground. He tumbled quickly, gaining his feet with ease as he kicked his attacker in the face.

One after another, they ran at him, and sometimes they attacked in twos and threes. Inuyasha had learned at a young age what happened when you let a mob take you down. They'd beat him to death and he'd been close enough to that feeling as a young hanyou to make sure it never happened again.

"Halt, demon!"

Snarling, he spun around in time to see another human use a blunt club to hit Shippou in the back of the head. The kitsune dropped helplessly and he heard Rin's screech of anger when she attacked Shippou's assailant with a short knife. She hadn't had time to notch an arrow in this close fight, but the man was a bit faster than her as she made a clumsy lunge for his throat and hit her across the face. Fury flooded him and Inuyasha surged forward with every intention of tearing that bastard's heart out for hitting Rin like that.

"I said to halt, demon, or I'll slit this woman's throat!"

Inuyasha turned and saw that one of their attackers had seized Kagome, holding the priestess tightly by her hair while he pressed a blade against the soft skin of her neck. He bared his teeth at the human, showing his fangs with undisguised desire for the man's blood.

"Do it and it will be the last thing you do."

"I understand," the man said calmly, no fear in his voice but the sheen of sweat covered his face. "She'll still be dead, is that what you want?"

Inuyasha cast a frantic glance around him. Maybe a half dozen of them were still on their feet, Shippou and Rin unconscious or nearly. The odds weren't in his favor and Kagome would certainly die if he tried to rush them. It wasn't what he wanted, but they had him. Slowly, he dropped to his knees with his hands held out and spread to show that he wasn't going to try anything stupid.

"Good," the man said easily, not taking his knife from Kagome's throat. "You're smart for a damn youkai, looks like you want us to keep your woman alive."

"Let her go," he hissed, his eyes glinting dangerously. "If you hurt her…"

The man didn't answer, but Inuyasha saw his gaze slide up to fix on a point behind him. He straightened suddenly, realizing what was coming and turned just as another human rushed up and struck him hard at his temple. For a moment, the world swam red before his eyes and then he fell forward, not unconscious from such a blow as his head was harder than most, but he felt a sick dizziness overcome him.

"Bind him with the spelled ropes," a voice said over his head. "This one is stronger than most, only the power of a priestess can restrain him."


	22. TwentyTwo

_**Possession 22**_

Something cool slipped across her forehead and Kagome moaned, waking in unfamiliar pain. The back of her skull felt like it had been caved in and for a moment she was seriously afraid that she was going to be sick.

"Ah, Kagome. You are awake."

_I must be dreaming_, she thought, her eyes still closed. She had to be dreaming because that was a voice that she'd never expected to hear again. Slowly, painfully, she opened her eyes. She nearly cried with relief that the room was in shadow, only the faintest light was coming from a shielded lamp set in the farthest corner. It was still enough for her to see the face of the woman who tended her, a face that had always filled her with a sense of warmth and trust in her well being.

"Kaede-sama," she whispered. "How can you be here?"

"Hush, child," the old woman said, her voice as calm and soothing as ever. Kagome heard the sound of water being rung from a rag and again the coolness slipped across her brow, scented with soothing herbs. "Do you feel ill? Natsu hit you much harder than he should have, but I don't think there's damage."

Memories flooded over her, seeing the men as they attacked Inuyasha, beating him into the ground. She remembered screaming then, her own voice screaming as she tried desperately to break away from the man who'd held her. It had been sheer instinct that had driven her, a sane woman would have been afraid of the knife at her throat. But she couldn't stand the way they'd continued to strike and kick the helpless youkai, even after his body had stopped struggling, even after it was obvious that he was unconscious.

"Kaede-sama," she said again, struggling to sit up even though the pain made her weak. "We were attacked, there were men who ambushed us. Why are you here now…"

Her voice trailed off, seeing Kaede's expression as it became closed. The woman turned away from her, lifting a small bowl and rising to take it across the room. Kagome followed her with her eyes, the realization dawning that after all these years even Kaede might have secrets. "Are…are you…" she began hesitantly.

Kaede nodded, still not quite looking at her as she began to slowly gather up packets of medicinal herbs and place them in the now empty bowl. "They brought you here," she said quietly. "All of you."

oOo

Rin shifted her legs under her and wished again, that if she absolutely had to be tied up they'd have had the decency to leave her in a more comfortable position. Her hands were behind her, making it impossible to rest her back against the sturdy pole. Another rope was around her midsection, just under her breasts and it kept her securely fastened to the pole, but the fool who had done the tying up had managed to leave her just a few inches too high.

The result was that she couldn't sit her bottom on the ground without feeling the ropes bite painfully into her chest. Kneeling was the only way she could position herself without pain, but her legs were going to sleep.

Grunting in what Jaken would definitely call an unladylike way, she strained against her bonds, trying to twist her bound wrists out of the way so she could lean back easier. It was no use and in frustration the girl rose up on her knees, trying to wiggle her way out of the confining ropes until a muttered curse made her stop.

"Damn it, you're pulling my hair. Just stop it, Rin. You're making it worse!"

"Shippou?" she whispered, glancing around to see if their captors had overheard them. "Are you awake now?"

"Yeah," the kitsune answered, his voice sounding strangely heavy. His breathing sounded labored too, she decided, a little frown quirking between her brows. He groaned softly and Rin became alarmed, thinking he might be losing consciousness. Then she'd be alone again and in spite of all the fear she'd managed to suppress until now, Rin thought that she might start to panic anyway.

"Hey," she said urgently. "Are you okay? Stay awake, Shippou!"

"I'm trying," he muttered and Rin felt him shift against the ropes. They were back to back, both tied to a thick pole that didn't even move when she tried to shake it. She couldn't see his face but if she twisted her chin over her shoulder, she could just barely catch a glimpse of his red hair.

"It's the ropes," Shippou said, his voice muffled. "They…hurt. They make me feel sick like I'm going to pass out. I can hardly keep my head up right now."

"I don't feel anything," she answered fearfully, wondering when the pain and weakness would hit her. It was scary enough without being sick too.

"Stupid," he said and she heard a snorting sound. "It's only for demons, these ropes are cursed to make a youkai weak. You're just a human, it won't hurt you."

Rin bit her lower lip, understanding what he meant. These people were youkai hunters, she remembered hearing Sesshomaru-sama's men talking about it. They would attack demons without warning, ambush and kill them. It didn't matter if they were lower demons, beast-like oni or monsters. These humans hid themselves in the forests, lurked near the roadways, always waiting for prey.

That was why Inuyasha had wanted to take Kagome and Shippou by river.

As if he were listening to her inner thoughts, Shippou stirred and she heard him hiss as the ropes tightened. "Rin," he said, soft but urgent. "Did you see where they took Kagome? I don't see her…"

Of course that would be the first thing he'd worry about, Rin thought sullenly. Everyone was so concerned about Kagome, how much danger she was in, how important it was to take her…well, wherever it was. Rin could just barely remember the first time she'd seen Kagome, so many years ago. Just a pretty girl, friendly and sweet tempered. She couldn't imagine they were the same person.

"I didn't see where they took her," she said at last. "When I woke up, I was tied here too."

Shippou sighed heavily and shook his head, hoping to clear some of the fuzziness from his mind. All the strength was being drained from his body; he'd never felt this weak, not even as little kid. There had been rumors of these humans for months, but they weren't just defending their territory as youkai would do.

They were actively hunting for demons.

"Rin," he said, fighting the lassitude with stubborn resolve. "This is really bad, we have to get away from here. These people, they're murderers. I've heard about what they do to demons when they capture them. I don't know what they'll do to you and Kagome for being caught with me and Inuyasha, but…"

The girl made a soft gasping sound and twisted around, trying to look at him. It made the ropes dig painfully into his body and Shippou felt a darkness rushing over him, falling into a chasm of unconsciousness and despair. He forced himself to breathe deeply, ride out the pain and just concentrate on staying awake. It would do nothing for them if he were to pass out again.

"Inuyasha," the girl hissed urgently. "Where did they take him, I can't see where he is, Shippou!" Rin choked and Shippou heard her voice start to shake. "You…you don't think they…already…"

He had to keep her calm, if they could just keep talking it gave him something to concentrate on, keep the pain at bay. "Calm down," he said, trying to sound reasonably confident. "I'm sure he's alive."

"Really?" She was desperate to believe him now. "You think so?"

"They wouldn't have dragged us here and tied us if they were just going to kill us," he answered. It sounded reasonable, why not just slaughter them and leave them in forest if that was all the hunters had planned? "We just have to hang on, Rin. We're still alive, that means something."

"It means that you should keep your mouth shut, demon," a rough voice sneered.

A shadow loomed over them and Rin held her breath, unwilling to show fear in front of their captors. Instead she glared up at him defiantly, her chin raised and her eyes glittering. She recognized him as being one of the band that had attacked them, the long scar down the right side of his face was hard to mistake. Dark eyes looked into hers, obvious in their contempt. Rin thought that she had never been looked at with so much hatred and felt her cheeks start to burn in response.

"So," the man drawled, walking around to tower over Shippou. "A kitsune and a little girl. Traveling with a bastard dog and a false priestess. The gods haven't been kind to us today, took five of my men's lives to bring you in."

"Bring us in?" Shippou asked, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in his voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Leaning down, the man flicked the tip of his finger across the bridge of Shippou's nose. "You don't ask the questions here, brat. I wouldn't have bothered with a young one like you, no fun unless you count the screaming you're gonna make for us later."

"I'm not afraid of you," the fox whispered, his claws twitching against the hateful ropes. "Untie me and let's fight one on one. Or are you so afraid of me that you won't let me loose of this spell?"

He'd expected the man to react with anger, maybe hit him for it, but he wasn't prepared when the human threw back his head with a harsh, mocking laugh. "Did you hear that, men?" he called over his shoulder. "The lad wants a chance to fight."

"Unless you're scared," Shippou shot back as more men came to stand around them. "I won't even use demon magic on the likes of you."

At the mention of magic, the amusement slid away from their captors' faces. There was a dark murmur and then he heard a voice call out in sudden alarm. "Gag the beast, Natsu! Don't give him a chance to use his tricks!"

Chuckling again, but only hatred in his eyes, the man called Natsu shrugged. He pulled out a short knife and made a show of feeling the edge. "I'm so scared of you, little fox demon," he said, menace and anger now filling his voice to the point where it sounded choked. "I don't think gagging you would be enough. I'll have to cut out your tongue."

"No!" Rin screamed, kicking wildly with her legs when the men started to close in around them. Shippou bared his teeth and snarled, unable to defend himself any other way as two sturdy humans clamped their hands on his head, trying to pry apart his jaw. Rin's frantic shrieks of fury were suddenly cut off when one of the men backhanded her hard, slamming her head into the pole.

"Keep that little witch quiet," Natsu muttered, leaning over Shippou again. "We'll have to see what the boss wants done with her. He doesn't want us killing humans, but I won't keep a demon's whore in our village."

"I'm not anyone's whore!" Rin cried, almost spitting at him with her anger. She glared at each of the human in pure defiance, trying to shame them. "They are my friends, not a bunch of cowards like you!"

"Shut up, Rin," Shippou hissed as the men's faces darkened at her challenge. On Natsu's face, something less pleasant than anger was evolving, a look of malice and predatory amusement.

"On the other hand," Natsu grinned, looking down at the enraged Shippou. "She's a pretty little thing, seems kind of wasteful just to let her go."

Shippou took a deep breath and put all the fury into his voice, keeping it as low and venomous as possible. "You touch one hair on her head and you won't live long enough to regret it."

Natsu smirked, gesturing at his men with his knife. "Brat doesn't give up," he said. "Maybe we won't kill this one, boys. Maybe we'll just cut the tendons in his legs and make him a pet. With his tongue cut out, he'll behave properly as an animal should."

"You will do no such thing," a new voice said calmly. The men instantly backed away from their leader, bowing their heads respectfully. Shippou noticed that Natsu was one who did not bow, instead looking irritated that the elderly priestess had interrupted him.

"Kaede-sama," he said evenly.

The old woman didn't flinch from his gaze or the hard tone of his voice. "You did not bring them here for the purpose of torture," she said. "He won't be happy if I have to tell him that you've again overstepped your bounds."

Natsu smiled unpleasantly, slipping his knife back into his belt. "Our boss says that we must kill every demon we find, he won't mind if sometimes the killing is slower than others."

"And this girl?" Kaede's hard gaze roved over Natsu and the men who had backed away. "Do you think he will forgive you for harming her? If you think I'm wrong, by all means continue."

"Kaede," Shippou whispered, shocked. He was stunned to see that she was still alive after all this time, but her demeanor had changed. The priestess he remembered would never sound so cold or calm about what was happening.

With a snort of disgust, Natsu turned away. "We're executing the fox and the dog at dusk," he said bitterly. "Too quick a death for the likes of them, but have it your way. The boss will decide about the women, I don't really care."

"Executing?" Rin asked, staring up at Kaede in horror.

"I do not make excuses for Natsu," the old woman answered in a heavy voice, still not quite looking at Rin or Shippou. "His young wife and infant son were murdered by demons, the pain of their loss has made him vicious."

"Kaede-sama," Shippou burst out, straining against the ropes that held him. A pulse of power moved through him and left him gasping. He realized now what priestess must have cursed these ropes to be able to constrain a youkai's strength. "Don't you remember me?"

Moving slowly as if her body pained her, Kaede turned to leave, leaning heavily on a thick walking stick. "You are Shippou," she murmured, nodding sadly. "I knew you when you were a child. It grieves me to see you again like this."

Rin rose up on her knees, grunting a little as she twisted her body to face the elderly priestess. "Aren't you going to help us?" she asked, her tone soft and making her sound even younger. "Didn't you used to be their friend?"

When Kaede didn't answer, Shippou laughed, the sound bitter and dry. This was something unexpected, but he understood why she wasn't going to help them. His father had told him why when he was just a child, but he didn't believe it then. Kouga had told him the same thing later and he hadn't wanted to believe him either.

Humans and youkai were not meant to live together in peace.

They could never be friends.

Between their two races, there could only be war. It was survival, something a kitsune should have been brought up to know instinctively. It was kill or be killed and Kaede, for reasons of her own, had chosen to side with her own kind. That was why she was here now, with the very humans that had ambushed them without warning.

For the survival of what she held dear…

oOo

The small hut was dim, but she didn't really want to open her eyes again. The pain had faded away to a dull ache, but Kagome continued to rest on the thin pallet, thinking. She had assumed that Kaede had long since passed away, if not from violence then from natural causes. She had been old and not in the best of health ten years ago and Kagome was well acquainted with the hardships of this era.

Maybe it was just that the changes in Kaede were a bitter mirror for the way that she herself had changed. And that was a dark mirror that Kagome didn't want to peer too deeply into, whatever the cost. She sat up slowly, her hair hanging in her face and crouched over the tight pain her chest. It was an old injury, one that didn't have any visible scars, but it had never really healed.

"Priestess?"

She started, surprised by the soft voice and turned to face a young girl. Nervously, the child looked down at her feet and twisted her hands behind her back. Kagome smiled a little bit, wondering what the girl would think if she tried again to protest that she was not a priestess.

"Yes," she said kindly, thinking that it was probably better to try and pretend that she was on friendly terms.

The girl looked relieved and straightened slightly. "Kaede-sama said that I should see if you're hungry. If you wish, I will bring you something to eat."

She decided she'd had enough rest and stood up, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. She'd lost the scrap of the cloth she'd been using to tie it with and the loose waves felt heavy on her back. Her usually sleek and sophisticated style had fallen to an unruly mass the way it always did without careful grooming.

_Another inconvenience of feudal life_, she thought wryly.

"Thank you," she told the girl as she brushed at the wrinkles on her white sleeves. "You don't need to wait on me, I'm capable of serving myself if you'll just show me where to go."

"But…Kaede-sama said I was to attend you," the girl stammered. Her small face was pale and anxious under her tanned complexion. "You shouldn't leave the hut."

Kagome's mouth quirked in amusement. "Don't worry," she said with a reassuring smile. "I can take care of myself."

As soon as she lifted the thick tarp that served the hut for a door, she knew why the girl hadn't wanted her go outside. The sun was just beginning to set, lighting the scene before her in streaks of crimson. Shadows crept across the sky, stark contrast to the dying sunlight that painted the huddle of battered looking huts with touches of gold and red. In the center of the small village, she could see two sturdy posts, but there was a crowd of people around one of them.

"Shippou," she called out, seeing her kitsune friend tied to one of the posts. He was kneeling, his body leaning forward as if she would have fallen on his face if the ropes hadn't held him secure. He raised his head at the sound of her voice, a frantic look in his eyes and he shook his head wildly when she came running to his side.

"Kagome!" he shouted, grimacing as if a sudden pain filled him. She stopped short at the urgency in his voice. "Kagome, stay away!"

"What?" She spun around, looking for answers and found Rin's frightened eyes. The girl had been gagged, but tears were streaking her face and she struggled weakly against the man that was holding her back. Rin's hands were tied in front of her but she kept trying to squirm away from her captor. Anger flooded Kagome's body at seeing them bound and mistreated like this and she advanced on the man holding Rin.

"Let her go," she snarled, her hands balling into fists. "You have no right to treat them like this!"

"Kagome." Kaede's calm voice stopped her and she turned to look at the elderly priestess. "I am sorry, I had hoped that you might be spared this."

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded, holding Kaede's gaze with her own. The crowd of people parted to let the old woman hobble towards her, leaning heavily on her walking stick. Kagome's face suddenly flushed as she realized that Kaede had probably given her something to make her sleep.

It made no sense, she'd explained to her old friend why she was here, how she'd fallen down the well and not been able to return home. She'd told her about how she'd met Shippou, about how they'd encountered Inuyasha in the forest and that his memories of their travels together had mysteriously vanished. How she had confronted Sesshomaru and asked for his help, taking the chance that Inuyasha might be able to open the well for her.

Then she'd felt suddenly tired, weak almost, and had lain back down to rest her eyes.

The last thing she remembered was Kaede's hand on her forehead, murmuring something about how it would be taken care of, how things would be settled. She had been a fool, she hadn't asked about her companions and years ago that would have been the first thing on her mind. Instead she'd babbled everything to Kaede with the trust of the child she had been, trusting again in the older woman's wisdom and compassion.

"Kaede, what's going on here?" she asked in a low voice, fighting against the nameless dread that was creeping over her like a chill shroud. "You…you told me that you'd help me, you said that we'd find a way…"

The old woman sighed, her face pulled into tired lines of grief. "It is our way, child," she said gently. "I have no choice. These people have suffered so much, sacrificed so much, and I am old. If you knew what we had been through…"

Kagome shook her head wildly, her hair flapping around her shoulders like a cloak of despair. "Why is Rin gagged? Why do you have Shippou trussed up like that? Kaede, you know me! You know Shippou, he's no threat to you."

Kaede met her eyes steadily. "What about Inuyasha? Is he a threat to humans? I would think that you, Kagome, would know that better than anyone."

Her face turned red, thinking about how much Kaede knew about her. Was that why the elderly priestess looked at her with such distrust? Her lower lip caught between her teeth, Kagome dropped her eyes. The weight of Kaede's unspoken accusation made her want to crumble. It had been her weakness that had caused the destruction of Kaede's village, if she had only been strong enough then…

Slowly, she turned away from Kaede, turned away from her own dark past. The villagers, silent and accusing, parted in front of her. It shook her that even Kaede would be turned by bitterness, in the end as vulnerable as a teenage girl. Somehow she'd trusted, deep in secret places of her heart, that Kaede would always be understanding and compassionate.

Shippou was about to be executed. These people killed demons just for being demons, because they were a threat.

Why hadn't she heard Inuyasha's voice? Was she already too late to say…goodbye? Not wanting to look if that was the case, she forced herself to turn and raise her eyes.

He was tied to a post just like Shippou, the only difference being that he had three times as much rope holding him. She blinked, realizing suddenly that those ropes were meant to constrain his youki and make him utterly helpless. Sickened, she remembered the rosary that had bound them together for so long, how its power had restrained him and all the times she'd used it just because…just because she could.

Because that was when she'd had the power to control him.

No wonder he'd lied to her. No wonder he'd hated her in the end. To be reduced like that, it must have been unbearable and the wedge that had stood between them. As soon as he'd had enough power, taken from the cursed and evil jewel, he'd broken it with his own hand and turned on her.

"Inuyasha?" she asked softly, approaching him. He didn't answer, his head hanging limply as the breeze stirred his hair. That's when she noticed how much blood was on the ground, the way it stained the ropes around his body. Shivering, feeling a nightmare clawing at the back of her mind, she reached out to touch his face. "Inuyasha?"

He was still alive and she let out the breath she'd been holding in a slow hiss. Inuyasha's face was a mess, he was badly bruised and someone had cut into him, leaving long, open gashes where his facial markings were. They'd stabbed him through the ropes as well, that was where all the blood had come from. He was completely bound from shoulders to hips with the spelled ropes, resting on his knees as if he'd somehow been begging for mercy even while unconscious.

"What have you done to him?" she cried, spinning around and glaring at them accusingly. "Have you been torturing him, what kind of monsters are you? He's helpless, he can't even defend himself!"

"He is a demon."

She instantly recognized the man's voice, searching out his scarred face in the crowd. Natsu's eyes were hard as he glared back at the priestess, a long knife in his hand. "We execute demons," he said coldly. "I respect Kaede-sama for her wisdom, but we would be fools to let these youkai live and risk their attacks later."

"We didn't attack anyone," Kagome protested hotly, feeling the angry eyes of the other villagers upon her. "Shippou would never hurt a human, you're making a mistake!"

Natsu reached out to seize her arm before she could react and dragged her away from Inuyasha. "Hey," she said, digging in her heels and trying to break his hold. "What do you think you're doing? Take your hand off of me!"

The people parted silently as Natsu dragged the priestess forward and flung her hard to the ground. "No threat to you?" he demanded sarcastically as she glared up at him. "All demons are a threat, all demons are monsters that must be exterminated to protect the innocent. If someone had thought this way, if someone had come to show us this way years ago, my family might still be alive."

"But it wasn't these demons that killed them," Kagome hissed, sitting up on her knees to look around her. "How can you just murder…"

"It's not murder, they are demons!" Natsu shouted. He reached out and grabbed her by the hair, yanking the woman to her feet. "I was a farmer until my family was driven from our home by inuyoukai soldiers. It seemed the lord of the West didn't like having humans in his territory, land that he claimed for himself without ever considering the people that had lived there for generations."

"Are you telling me that Sesshomaru killed your family?" she asked, a bit befuddled. Somehow even knowing Inuyasha's brother as she did, she found it hard to believe. Humans were less than nothing to him; she could see him driving them out of his territory. She couldn't see him ordering the deaths of innocent and helpless humans. Not the same demon that took offense because she'd questioned his honor.

"Not directly," Natsu said in a tight, hateful voice. "We left as we were told and came here, to this forest. I had thought we might find some kind of refuge, to hide and survive until we could find a new place to live. We wanted to be left in peace, but one night a horde of demons set upon us and my wife and son were among those killed."

"And so for revenge you tortured Inuyasha?" Kagome folded her arms over her breasts and glared at him in disgust. "I feel for your loss, for all of your losses, but this is wrong."

"Not for revenge," Natsu said coldly. "But for justice. We cut him to make sure that he isn't just pretending to be unconscious."

Kagome raked her hand through her hair and closed her eyes. She wasn't lying; she did feel for Natsu and the other humans. She knew first hand the kind of devastation a hungry monster could wreak upon helpless villagers. And she wasn't unsympathetic to their perspective. She knew how it felt to be that helpless, to be ready to die for just a chance to get justice. There was a time when thoughts of revenge were all that kept her alive, when she might have asked Natsu for his knife so that she could taste a bit of justice herself.

Now thoughts like that left her cold and empty, a dry shell of the girl she had been. Naïve and stupidly trusting, yes she had been that. But she had also been the one who asked for mercy for those who didn't deserve it. And even in their darkest days of pursuing Naraku, it hadn't been hatred or vengeance that drove her forward. It had been love and a need to stop the pain and destruction that had spun out like a whirlwind from the jewel that she had shattered.

It was time for her to remember who she really was. And do better.

"I can't let you do this," she said quietly. "I won't stand by and let you murder Shippou and Inuyasha. I know that they are youkai, but I refuse to believe that makes them guilty just by being alive."

"Fine," Natsu said easily. Kagome was surprised when he lowered his blade, smiling a little. She hadn't expected him to give in, not without a lot more argument. She was relieved; this didn't have to turn into a bloodbath.

"Hold her back, boys."

"What?" Kagome cried as two men rushed forward to seize her arms. Natsu grinned, stepping close to her and flicking the tip of her nose with his finger. "You can die right along with them. Our boss doesn't want us to kill humans, even if they conspire with demons, but a demon's whore like you won't be missed. I'll take responsibility for it."

"Natsu." Kaede's voice brought a chill to the air and Kagome saw the pain in her face as she moved forward slowly. "You will not harm her. Kagome is…Kagome is right. She has committed no crime and she has also suffered more than you know. I will not stand by silently any longer."

"Kaede-sama," Natsu growled softly, glaring at her. "I thought you were resolved, I thought our boss had convinced you. Are you changing your mind to side with these demons?"

The elderly priestess shook her head. "Not at all. I still believe that our best path is to defend ourselves by destroying those who would destroy us. But these women are not our enemy. We should let them go."

She nodded to the men who held Kagome and after a moment, they both released her. Kagome rubbed her arms, grimacing where their hands had left bruises. She knew she'd been right, Kaede had just needed to see for herself what was happening, to be reminded of the way she had been.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Kaede met her eyes soberly. "Don't thank me yet," she murmured, gestured for the man holding Rin to untie her. "I said that you and Rin were not our enemy, Kagome. And Shippou has never once harmed a human. I cannot say the same for Inuyasha. I know you say that he doesn't remember what happened, but he is responsible for the deaths of many innocent people."

"No," Kagome said, shaking her head. "You don't mean that. Whatever he did, it's in the past now. He's not even the same person I knew before he used the jewel, Kaede. It would still be murder."

"And it is a burden I must bear," the old woman said in a tired voice. "Just as the burden of his destructive madness is in part my fault. I trusted him as well, Kagome. I should have foreseen what could happen."

Rin had pulled the gag from her mouth and rushed to start untying Shippou. As soon as the ropes dropped away from his body, the kitsune was able to stand, a light coming back to his green eyes. Fury like he'd never felt filled his blood, his energy rushing back into his body like a torrent of power.

"Everyone just calm down," Kagome said, her voice ringing out as she saw the humans grab up weapons. Shippou looked pissed enough to take them all on, but at least Rin had enough sense to stop him. "We're going, we can't fight this many."

"But what about Inuyasha?" Rin cried out. She made a wild run at where the youkai was still tied unconscious to the post, only to be stopped by Shippou. His arm went around her waist, instinctively separating her from the other humans. She fought against him, crying as she tried to reach Inuyasha's side. Kagome reached for her, trying to calm the frantic girl. She could feel the villagers' anger and fear like a palpable force. They had to go, and now, before things turned even more ugly.

"We can't just leave him like this," Rin pleaded, clutching at Kagome's hands. "They're going to kill him!"

Kagome met Shippou's eyes and nodded slowly. "I don't think we have any choice, Rin," he muttered. "They'll kill us all if we don't leave. Inuyasha…wouldn't want us to die for him."

"He wouldn't leave us either!"

Painfully, Kagome realized it was true. Inuyasha would have never abandoned her. Never. Even now, with no clear memory of who she really was, he wouldn't have abandoned her. But to stay meant certain death for her, Shippou and Rin. Kagome wasn't prepared to sacrifice their lives as well.

"No," Rin whimpered, struggling again to get away from Shippou's tight grip. Kagome put her hand on the girl's cheek and looked deep into her angry, grieving eyes.

"Trust me," she said quietly.

"You only care about saving your own skin," Rin hissed hatefully. "You make me sick!" She lunged forward at Kagome, spitting in her face. Shippou growled softly and dug his fingers into the furious girl's arm.

"She's trying to save you too," he said, his voice low and fast. "I trust Kagome, we don't have any choice. They won't get away with it, you have to go home and tell Sesshomaru what happened."

Kagome saw clearly what he meant and groaned inwardly. Sesshomaru was going to be enraged that his brother had been murdered. Once Rin returned to fortress and told him about these people, he would probably retaliate. Her eyes roamed over the crowd, seeing women and children clinging to their husbands and fathers. Not everyone in this village was a youkai hunter, most were just refugees that had been driven from their homes by war.

Searching for some kind of way out of this mess, her eyes fell upon a battered scabbard that had been casually tossed to the side. It did look like a piece of junk, but an idea slowly evolved in her mind.

_I will always protect you!_

She straightened her shoulders and faced the crowd fearlessly, deliberately not meeting Natsu's angry eyes, instead settling her gaze upon Kaede. "I understand," she said softly. "Thank you for sparing Shippou. We will go now."

Kagome slowly walked towards the forest, leading Shippou and the distraught Rin. She kept her eyes focused on the forest, it was very nearly full dark and the only light was the communal fire that was burning in the middle of the village. She was only a few feet away from that scabbard blade, trying to draw courage from just looking at it.

_I will always protect you!_

Damned if she was going to let it end this way!

As they approached the tree line, Kagome put her hand on Shippou's arm. "If you trust me," she said in a low, taut voice, "you'll do exactly what I tell you."

The kitsune stared at her, confused. "Of course I trust you," he whispered over Rin's head. "What are you…"

"When I say so, you take Rin and you run into the forest. Keep running; don't stop until you're safely out of their reach. Go to the old village, I'll meet you there if I can. If I don't come, make sure that you get Rin safely home. Then tell Sesshomaru and Kouga what happened. It's the best I can give them."

"What?" Rin breathed, stopping to stare at the other woman. "What are you going to do?"

Kagome smiled grimly. "The best I can."

She didn't let herself think about it, suddenly tearing away from them and running back to the center of the village. "Run, Shippou," she shouted, hoping that just for once he'd do what she asked and not question her. She didn't look back to make sure.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

She ignored the shouts as she stormed back into the village, knowing that if she let them stop her now, she had no hope at all. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she knew that she probably wasn't going to live through what she was about to try. She was a fool to sacrifice herself like this, for Inuyasha, for the man who had done more than any other living creature to hurt her.

If she hadn't been so scared, she might have laughed at the irony. Or cried in despair, because even after everything that had happened, she just could not let go of him. She thought she'd healed and moved on, maybe she had, maybe she'd just learned a new path for self-destruction. But she wasn't going to leave him behind, not like this. The Inuyasha who had risked everything for her once up on a time deserved better than to die alone at the hands of men gone mad with hatred.

"Kagome!"

One hand wrapped around the ancient scabbard, the other found Rin's bow. She knew that she couldn't use Tessaiga, but she wouldn't leave the sword here either. If they were about to die, she was going to make sure it stayed with Inuyasha. He might not remember it, but she remembered it for him.

"You bitch!"

She saw Natsu running towards her, the glitter of his knife in her eyes. Kagome forgot that she was just an ordinary woman, forgot that she didn't know anything about fighting. It had been a long time, but her body suddenly woke up and she instinctively used the sheathed Tessaiga as a club.

"Stop her!"

Chest heaving from her headlong run, Kagome planted herself in front of Inuyasha. Defiantly, she threw Tessaiga at her feet as if the ancient katana would create a barrier between her and the enemy. As if she'd never been out of practice, she had an arrow notched in her bow. To her utter surprise, the tip of the arrow started to glow.

"What's that light? Kaede-sama, you must stop her!"

_I am not afraid anymore. I can't forgive you, Inuyasha, but I can't let you die either. Not when it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I've already given you too much; I won't carry the guilt for your death as well!_

"This ends now!" she shouted, her hands steady as she saw the men raising their swords and spears. Any moment, they would attack and she might be cut down by their vengeful anger. It didn't matter, she would convince them to let Inuyasha go or she would die here, but her conscience would be clean. And she so badly wanted to stop hating herself.

Kaede stepped forward, her old face drawn in sadness. "Kagome," she murmured. "Please understand, this is not your time to die."

"I hope not," Kagome answered softly. A tear slipped down her cheek as she pointed the arrow at Kaede. "I'm so sorry, Kaede. I can't…I can't just let you kill him. I know what he's done, but I won't abandon him now. He wouldn't abandon me."

"He betrayed you, Kagome," Kaede said, still advancing slowly. "He hurt you, he raped you, and he very nearly killed you. Don't waste your life for Inuyasha. He doesn't deserve it."

"Maybe not," she answered. "But I'm tired of running away from the person I used to be." She raised her eyes and looked at the villagers, men that were ready to attack her. "Don't come any closer, I won't let you kill him."

"Kagome, please…"

"Don't." Her voice was rough. "I don't want to kill you, Kaede. Just let him go."

The tip of the arrow was glowing. It seemed to grow brighter, filling Kagome with a strange peace and resolve. The girl she had been would have never pointed her weapon at another human, the woman she had become couldn't see any other way.

"Kagome, that's enough. You don't have to kill anyone."

A hand fell on her shoulder, startled her so much she very nearly dropped her bow. She looked up at him in confusion, her hands trembling as she tried to keep the string taut. "Inuyasha?"

The ropes lay on the ground where he'd shredded them. Dried blood marked his cheeks, making him look savage. The look in his eyes promised violence and she caught her breath when he smiled at the crowd. She knew that smile; she'd seen it in her nightmares. She hadn't tried to save him for this.

"You miserable bastards," he said, his mouth twisted in disgust. "You call yourself hunters of youkai but you're nothing but thugs. You'd kill a woman for defending her companions, but you're cowering with fear now. I can smell it in the air. Did you think your fucking spell could keep me bound?"

The frightened villagers started to back away as he stepped forward, fangs glinting in the firelight. "Did you think I'd let you execute me?" he snarled, cracking his knuckles like he'd been waiting for this moment. "I'm bored with waiting for you to make your move. It's time to get things started."

_He'd never been bound by the spell!_

Kagome swallowed hard, realizing that he'd just been faking it, waiting for his chance to attack. They'd been caught by surprise, but Inuyasha had allowed them to take him prisoner, take them back to their village. So that he could take them out more efficiently. After all, they had attacked him first and he was a demon. What else did they expect to happen?

He'd been planning to kill them all, just waiting for the chance when the risks would be minimized. When her and Rin would be out of the way, when Shippou would be able to defend them. When they wouldn't be able to stop him.

"Oh my god," Kagome muttered, closing her eyes. "What have I done?"


	23. TwentyThree

_**Possession 23**_

She was such an idiot. Once again, she'd let him fool her and Kagome was stinging inside. My god, she had been about ready to sacrifice her life for this two-sided bastard, the same person who had spent years lying to her. If she weren't so pissed, she would have burst into tears with the pain of it. Like a shockwave that had erupted from the center of her heart, she felt shaken to the core.

Again, he'd turned out to be a liar. And she didn't give a damn about the reasons why.

"You were faking it?" she demanded, catching his sleeve and forcing him to look at her outrage. "Do you have any idea what you just put me through, put Rin through? When were you planning on showing us the truth? After they killed Shippou?"

Anger glinted in his eyes, the way they fired gold in the firelight should have made her tremble with fear. She'd already burned through her fear this night, thrown herself into that fire when she'd raced back to him with every intention of defending a helpless youkai from certain death. Inuyasha grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from him with a rough yank.

"Just stay out of it," he hissed, a deadly warning in his eyes. "This ain't your fight, priestess."

"And just whose fight is it?" Kagome exploded; throwing her bow to the ground with a display of anger that surprised even her. Facing the demon, she pushed herself right into his face without so much as a trace of fear. "How dare you play with our lives like that?"

His expression flickered, surprising her as the anger slipped away. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he looked hurt. "I wasn't playing," he muttered, dropping her gaze and turning away. "I did what I had to."

He could understand why she was pissed off, but damn it, he'd never expected the stupid woman to come running back like that. When they'd been ambushed, a knife to her throat, he'd known that he was going to have to play their game. He didn't like it, but what else could he do? If he'd kept fighting, there was a very real possibility that she would have been killed.

And he wasn't going to let that happen, not while he still had questions for her.

"So, the demon shows his true nature at last," a man's voice sneered.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. He'd forced himself to stay quiet when they'd stuck their knives in him, but he had no intention of letting it pass either. Patience didn't come easily to him, it never had. But he'd learned a thing or two about keeping calm from his brother. Sesshomaru might have ice water in his veins, but Inuyasha just knew an opportunity when it put a fist in his face.

These were the same bastards that had been hunting down youkai, murdering without cause or provocation. If he could find out where they were hiding, damn sure he could keep his head for the chance to take them all out at once.

He was going to show them the meaning of the word _demon_.

"Just stay out of my way, bitch," he growled over his shoulder. Inuyasha licked his lips and glared back at Natsu with a predatory smile. "These bastards won't last long."

"No."

His ears must be playing tricks on him, he thought that woman just told him no.

"Excuse me?" he asked sarcastically. "These are the same bastards that were just about to kill your precious fox brat. Don't tell me that you…"

"I said no," Kagome answered sharply, her eyes glittering at him. "I know damn well what they were going to do, but I'm not going to stand here and just let you slaughter these people."

So that was it, she thought he was going to crazy and rampage through the village like some stinking lower demon. Disgusted, his ears flattened on his head and he glared down at her with pure dislike. As he could have predicted, she saw him as little more than an animal, a beast that had to be controlled. She was just like Kikyou, pretending to care about what happened, but in the end, she saw him just the same. Less than her…always so much less.

"Bitch," he said softly, "do you think that you can stop me?"

Kagome took a deep breath to steady herself. Her instincts were telling her to grab up that arrow and remind him that she wasn't defenseless anymore, but this Inuyasha didn't even remember that girl. She was a woman, one who had been through hell and back for his sake, and she wasn't going to break her resolve now. This Inuyasha wasn't insane with rage, he was rightfully angry with the humans who had just tried to execute him.

She reached out to him again, noticing the way his eyes glinted suspiciously, but all she did was lay her hand on his arm. As if they weren't being watched, she looked right into his eyes and tried the path of reason. She had sworn to find a better way of dealing with him, a way that didn't mean destruction for them both.

"I understand your anger," she said quietly. "That's why I'm asking you, please, don't do this. We can just leave now, they can't stop us. You don't have to kill them, Inuyasha."

"Why?" he asked seriously, some of the rage draining from his expression. "Why should I spare any of them after what they've done?"

Kagome glanced away from him, finding Kaede's face in the crowd. That was why; she wanted them to know what they were doing was so wrong. She wanted Kaede to know that she hadn't lost her mind, that if she could persuade Inuyasha to spare the village and the youkai hunters now, there might be an opportunity for peace later. She could see the women and children huddled behind the men who had taken up their swords and spears.

Vengeance was costly, she'd learned about that the hard way.

"Do it because you can," she said, meeting his eyes with the kind of honest appeal that had once helped her to befriend a suspicious and angry hanyou boy. "Because if you kill these men, you will be leaving their families without protection. Is that what you want, to leave mothers and children alone in the world? You know how that feels, don't you?"

She was cheating; she was deliberately trying to remind him of his own childhood. He'd never told her very much, but what he hadn't told her had been enough for her to understand how hard his life had been. Inuyasha's hand closed around hers in a tight grip, drawing her close to him.

"How do you know about that?" he whispered.

"Does it matter?"

"Fuck." He dropped her hand to turn and scowl at the men. They didn't look so tough now; it was one thing to ambush him in the forest. It was another matter entirely, in their home with their families exposed, to take on a youkai at full strength. Now that they knew their stupid ropes wouldn't hold him, he was more than a threat. And he was no longer an easy target.

But he supposed he'd never hear the end of it from this priestess if he did what he'd been planning. The hell…he'd never intended to attack their women and children in the first place. He was not a monster and even when he'd been a wild youth on his own he'd never struck anyone weaker than him. Glancing around, he couldn't help but notice the shabby condition of this village, the scared and dirty faces of the children and his heart softened ever so slightly.

Slaughter fathers right before the eyes of their children? Not fucking likely. His mother would have been ashamed of him. Hell, he'd be ashamed of himself.

"All right," he said gruffly, glad that she'd been here to point out the obvious to him. "They get lucky today, but just for today."

There was that look in her eyes again, a softening, a warmth that made him feel easy in spite of the fact he was having to back down. It didn't feel like weakness, no, it felt like something he'd wanted all his life. To have the woman look at him with no fear and no anger, instead pleased that he'd listened to her words.

"Thank you," Kagome murmured, relieved. She was glad to have avoided bloodshed this one time. She hadn't been able to stop him before, back when she'd been so weak and confused. Kaede had saved her then, at the cost of her own village, and that sacrifice had forced her into a bitter choice between humans and demons. Meeting the old woman's gaze as she turned to follow Inuyasha, she nodded slightly, hoping that Kaede understood.

The elderly priestess didn't smile at her or nod in response, but expression was softer than before. If it hadn't been so dark, with only the flames of the bonfire throwing shadows and light across the faces of the silent villagers, she might have thought she saw tears sparkling in an old woman's eye.

But it was just a trick of the light and the shadow, flickering between the past and the present. The heavy feeling in her heart had lifted and it seemed that the wrong decision, made with the best intentions, had turned out to be the right choice after all.

"Are you running away, demon?"

Inuyasha stopped, one hand on Kagome's shoulder. His eyes promised murder but there was twist of smile on his lips when he looked at her. Kagome sighed and nodded. Some people were just too stupid to know when they'd gotten a break.

Natsu never even saw the demon move. Hours later when he regained consciousness, no one had to tell him who had broken his nose.

oOo

Kagome stumbled in the dark and cursed. If they kept going like this she was almost certainly going to fall, maybe sprain her ankle. Inuyasha had set a quick pace through the dark forest, one hand still holding her wrist in a ruthless grip. He kept dragging her forward, barely letting her keep her feet under her and finally, she had enough.

Planting her feet, she twisted her arm out of his grasp. The sky was starting to lighten and in spite of the extra rest she'd gotten in the village, she was exhausted.

"Do we have to go so fast?" she asked, a waspish tone in her voice.

Inuyasha growled softly with annoyance. "I want to catch up to that stupid kitsune," he answered sullenly, "before he does something like try to go back to that village for you."

Grimacing, Kagome bent over to dig a pebble out of her sandal. It was the worst kind of footgear to wear when trying to hike over rough ground. But she'd be damned if she was going to ask him to carry her. Since they'd left the village he'd barely spoken three words to her, mainly communicating his hurry by yanking her along as if she were a child that had to be coerced.

"Shippou isn't stupid," she said, focusing on the comment as if was the real reason behind his strange behavior. "He knows better than to confront them directly. If he did come back this way, he'd be looking for us."

"Whatever," he muttered. Kagome looked up, trying to read his expression in spite of the gloom around them. In the shadows, she could catch a glimmer of his hair and eyes, but that was all. Still, she could feel the anger radiating from him, grating along her nerves like an electric current. She wasn't quite sure what the cause of it was anymore. At first, she'd assumed he resented the fact that he'd let her talk him out of taking his revenge on the youkai hunters, but it seemed to be more than that.

"Do you think they're following us?" she asked quietly.

Inuyasha snorted in disgust. "Those cowards? Not likely. They rely on surprise for their attacks; they won't come after us while they know I'm watching for them. Bastards."

"Then what is it?" she demanded. Kagome planted her hands on her hips and stared at him. "Are you afraid of something else?"

He spat on the ground, narrowly missing her foot. "I ain't afraid of anything," he said in a low, menacing tone. The hair on the back of her neck stood up at his tone and an uneasy chill went down her back. It was impossible for her to read him like this, his moods were quicksilver, changing by the moment. He'd seemed almost vulnerable when she'd asked him to spare the villagers, now he was seething with fury.

"I thought you were in a hurry to get to this damn well of yours," he said coldly, turning on her and advancing slowly. She started to back away, wary as ever, but he stopped before she'd moved very far. "You want to go home, right? You want to get the hell away from me. That's been pretty fucking obvious from the start."

"Of course," she answered, more than a bit confused. "That's why I'm…"

"Shut up," he hissed, reaching for her arm again. "The sound of your voice pisses me off, bitch. The sooner I get rid of you, the better."

He was reaching for her, maybe that's what did it. Maybe she was just stung beyond words by what he'd said, but she didn't even think before she lunged forward and slapped him as hard as she could. The sound echoed in the quiet darkness, startling them both and she saw him raise his hand to his cheek.

"Damn you," Kagome muttered, tears she couldn't explain gathering behind her eyelids. He was such a bastard, she honestly didn't know what she'd been thinking when she'd gone running like a fool, trying to rescue him when he didn't need it, and apparently didn't want it.

"That's better," he murmured, almost to himself. "That's what I expected."

He was doing this deliberately, she decided, folding her arms over her chest. He was trying to confuse her for some reason, trying to goad her into attacking him. Why had she even felt sorry for him back at the village, why had she thought him worthy of saving in the first place? She should have left him to rot on that tree, all those years ago.

Maybe it would have been better for everyone if she'd died then, crushed into nothingness by the centipede demon that had first awoken to the presence of the jewel inside her body. If she'd died, the jewel never would have shattered and all those people, Sango and Kohaku's family, wouldn't have had to suffer so much. Perhaps Kaede and the other villagers would have killed the centipede before it took the jewel…

"Is it true?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" Kagome asked, her voice dull. Deep inside her heart, there was a tight ball of pain, an ache that had never gone away. It was the pain she'd learned to live with since the last time she'd emerged from the well into her own time, with her heart shattered and an unborn child inside her womb.

So much pain, she'd never been able to escape it. She'd only been able to put it off, mask it with ambition, with sex and power. Hadn't she become everything she'd hated in the end, didn't she deserve this pain?

"Is it true what that old bag said in the village?" Inuyasha said quietly. "I heard her say that I betrayed you, that I raped you. I want to know…"

Kagome raked her hand through her tangled hair, shivering without realizing it. Of course he'd heard that, he'd never been unconscious. Her body felt cold, she rubbed her arms as if that would somehow dispel the chill. But the feeling wouldn't go away, the ice was all her own, the clammy, sick cold sensation creeping over her flesh was nothing less than her darkest secret, her most hidden shame.

She'd said so; she'd told her own mother that he'd forced her.

She'd let her brother and grandfather believe it…to the point where they'd wanted to open the well and find the boy that they'd trusted, the one who'd shattered everything she'd ever known about herself. The Inuyasha that they'd known, that she'd loved with all of her open and trusting heart had never even existed.

"No," she muttered, more to herself than in answer to his question. "It…it wasn't like that."

_I gave myself to you_…

"Then why do you hate me so much?"

_But you only wanted what you could take_…

She felt dizzy suddenly, her head was spinning. She wanted to fall to the ground, curl up in a ball and hide from the truth. It wasn't consensual, but it wasn't exactly rape either. He'd forced her, but she'd given herself over to him, his desires rocking her body, the hot pressure of his touch. And afterwards, she'd loathed herself for being weak, for not refusing him and fighting him with her fists or her teeth.

"Kagome!" His hands were on her shoulders, holding her up. The sky was the palest shade of gray before the dawn, casting them in shadow, defining them both in the muted colors of ambiguity. Her fingers plucked weakly at his sleeves, she was so tired of fighting now.

Inuyasha shifted his hold on her, embracing her almost tenderly as he rested his forehead against hers. "I just need to know," he whispered. "If I hurt you so badly, why did you come back to the village for me?"

_I promised I'd stay by your side_…

He pushed her away so he could look into her eyes. If there was any truth, he was sure he'd see it. Somehow this woman was the key, was the answer, and was the missing piece to his puzzle and the only one that could give him back the vanished years that haunted him. Her scent was intoxicating, so familiar and so desirable, but he couldn't stand the thought of why.

Another victim of his unremembered madness and another crime lost and forgotten by his addled brain.

"Why did you defend me?" He had to know. "Was it just because you need me to get you back to where you belong?"

"No," she murmured, shaking her head and trembling under his hands. "That's not true, that's not what happened…"

His eyes widened and he caught his breath. "No?" Inuyasha whispered, reaching out to brush the hair away from her face. "You never even thought of that, did you?"

Suddenly furious, Kagome shoved him away. "So that's why you were angry?" she demanded. "Because you thought I only came back because I needed you to get me home? Well I don't need you, Inuyasha! I don't need anything from you!"

He caught her wrist as she tried to flee away from him, pulling her back and capturing her like his prey. Inuyasha nuzzled her hair and she damned herself because her knees felt weak at the sensation of his hot breath against her skin.

"That's not why I was angry," he whispered.

Kagome stared up at him, mesmerized as the light of dawn streaked his silver hair with pink and gold.

"I was angry with myself," Inuyasha murmured. "Because I liked the way it felt to hear you defending me."

Whatever she wanted to answer him was lost, his mouth descended and his lips brushed softly over hers. His hold eased, almost as if he expected her to run away now, to reject him. As she should have…as she should have from the very beginning.

_In the beginning…once upon a time…where fairy tales began_…

Kagome was abandoned, floating inside her own body as the tide rose within her. She closed her eyes and sagged against him, helpless as the touch of his lips on her throat made her like she was drifting. It wasn't right; it didn't make sense how she wasn't able to push him away.

It didn't make sense that she didn't want to push him away.

Hands slid down to her waist, one palm flattening against the small of her back as Inuyasha leaned forward. His mouth moved slowly up the column of her neck, whispering along the side of her jaw until he brushed the corner of her lips. Then he stopped, hesitating just a moment before kissing her carefully, as if he were as wary of her as she should be of him.

Kagome's lips parted under his, shivering slightly as she felt the tip of his tongue find her own tentatively. Then his touch slid away, almost teasing her with a quick lick to her lower lip. Her eyes opened to see him grinning shyly at her and then she gasped when his kiss surged forward, drawing her tightly into his arms as if he were afraid someone would take her away from him.

His hand traveled up her spine until his fingers buried themselves in the hair at the nape of her neck. Delicious warmth filled her body as his kiss deepened, his tongue caressing hers in a soft dance of seduction. She wanted so much to forget where she was, what she was, and drown in the escape his embrace was offering her.

Here she would forget her name, fall into him like the sea.

Kagome barely noticed as Inuyasha knelt, pulling her down beside him, his hands never leaving her body. She let him hold her, his breath warming her ear, nonsensical murmurs falling from his lips. He sucked lightly at the delicate skin of her throat, his teeth just barely grazing her collarbone. Somehow he remembered how she loved to be touched, where she needed to feel him. How could he have forgotten everything, but still know that? Across the years and the incalculable miles, he still knew her intimately even as her body still craved his touch.

She felt his palm slide over her bare shoulder, opening the front of her clothes for his warm exploration. Kagome shivered and reached her arms around his back, agreeing with a soft murmur as his tongue stroked between her breasts. She held her breath, biting her lip in anticipation when he blew softly across the sensitive flesh. Her spine curved to yearn willingly against him, her breasts tipping upwards as she let her head fall back, opening herself to him with every shaking breath.

His tongue felt like fire against her chilled skin, her nipples erect and aching for his attention. She cried out, her voice fading to a gasp when his mouth closed over her breast, the velvet-rough touch of his tongue gliding across the rigid tip. Her fingers contracted on the hard muscles of his shoulders, digging at him in response and all she wanted was to _cling_ to him…

With a low growl that sounded more like a whimper, Inuyasha pushed Kagome back, easing her to the ground without breaking contact with her skin. She whispered his name, so rough he almost couldn't understand what she was saying. Somehow the world was full of her, he supported his weight on his elbows as his hips rested between her legs, their clothing rustling as he moved against her. Her small hands raked down the back of his haori and for a wild moment, he thought that if she were youkai she would have shredded the tough fabric with her claws.

"Gods," he muttered, overwhelmed by the power of his desire for her. He'd never felt anything like it, a heady mix of lust and need that made his head spin. Unable to think past the red mist of desire pooling in his groin, his hand eased between them to find the ties of her hakama. He wanted to make her sigh, make her sob with want, and he wanted to hear her beautiful voice lifting his name when she asked for him.

Warm fingers, sliding next to her skin, reaching lower as she shivered but didn't pull away, the silk of her belly, the tips of his claws teasing at the soft down cresting her pubic bone, he was so _close_…

"Kagome!"

Her eyes flew open, one hand knotted in his thick hair, hearing her name called out in the distance. Her heart thumped hard, startled, and suddenly her body pulsed with the fear of discovery. Shippou's voice.

"Fuck," Inuyasha hissed, bringing his head up from between her naked breasts. She felt his body twist in frustration as his hand pulled his hand from her clothes. She stared at him in perplexed disappointment as he sat back and glared like he wished he could set the forest afire with his gaze.

"Every time, every fucking time," she heard him mutter.

She was yanked swiftly to her feet, her head rocking back suddenly as he pulled her along with him when he stood. Dumbfounded, she stood like a child as he pulled her clothes to rights, tying her hakama with hurried hands. His fingers brushed over her body, lingering across her breasts and hips as he brushed away the few leaves and traces of dirt that had clung to her. Her face went hot when he turned her around with a brusque push, and her embarrassment grew intolerable when he steadied her with one possessive hand on her rear as Shippou and Rin came bounding out of the forest.

The kitsune stopped short, confusion mapping his flushed face as he nervously sniffed the air. Something seemed out of sorts, but he shook off the feeling, too relieved to see Kagome alive and unharmed. That Inuyasha was with her, seemingly uninjured, didn't diminish his relief either. He started to move forward but was almost knocked over by an excited Rin who shoved her way past him to fling her arms around the startled Inuyasha's neck.

"I thought you were going to die!" the girl cried, her eyes red with tears that had already been shed. "We were scared we'd never see either of you again."

"Uh, yeah," he muttered, reaching up to pull her arms away from him before she could bury herself against him. "It's okay, Rin, don't get so worked up. You know I'm too much of a stubborn bastard to get killed that easy."

She looked hurt that he wanted to keep her at arm's length, her full lower lip pushing out in childlike distress. "I was still worried," she insisted. "How did you get away from them? Did you have to kill them?"

"Do you think I want to be a murderer?" he demanded abruptly, fixing Rin with an irritated yellow gaze.

Taken aback, Rin dropped her hands and hid them behind her back. "Of course not," she murmured, embarrassed. "It's just that they had it coming, you should have heard what they were saying, what they almost did to Shippou…"

"He didn't hear it," Kagome said softly, "he was unconscious, remember?" She watched Shippou's face carefully. The look he'd given her when he'd come out of forest made her nervous. She couldn't tell if he guessed what had happened, if he'd somehow guessed that Inuyasha had never helpless. No, she didn't see any anger hiding in his eyes. Only a baffled confusion and stark relief to see her alive that made her feel even more guilty about covering up the truth.

"I don't understand," Rin said, looking back at Kagome with a perplexed frown. "How did you get him away, did you have to fight them?"

"She just talked them out of it," Inuyasha said, not looking at anyone. His hands were curled into tight fists. "They listened to reason."

He needed to get away from them, and soon, before he burst from trying to hold back the fire that was still heating his blood. With a quick stare at Kagome, he turned and rushed away from them, swearing to himself in frustration.

"What's the matter with him?" Rin asked, eyes wide. Concerned, she looked to Kagome for answers. "Did they do something to Inuyasha?"

Biting back a bitter smile, Kagome shook her head. "I think he just needs some time to himself."

oOo

Groaning, Inuyasha leaned against a tree and closed his eyes. He rubbed his hands over his face and tried to quell the rising frustration that was threatening to drive him to distraction. Of all the fucking…what did he think he was doing with her? Everything he'd ever told himself about staying away from human women, particularly priestesses, had flown out of his head when he'd gotten a taste of her arousal. Then he'd been burning for her more intensely than he'd ever wanted any other female and reason, as well as good sense, had disappeared.

Around him the forest was quiet with the early morning, a few birds making sleepy calls to each other and a light breeze just barely lifting his hair. His ears twitched, listening to the sounds the wild forest made, his senses becoming alive with it. Better to focus on something other than the way the woman's scent was clinging to his body. Inuyasha licked his lips and grimaced. He could still taste her, the salty sweetness of her skin, the soft but firm swell of her breasts, the way her lips had parted under his with that little gasp of pleasure…

Damn it! Inuyasha spun around and punched the tree hard enough to crack the gnarled wood. His knuckles split open but he couldn't feel the pain and only raised his hand to his mouth, licking at the blood with absentminded distraction. Why did it have to be her, why did it have to be this woman who set his blood burning like a wildfire? Wasn't it enough that she reminded him of the bitch who'd betrayed him?

Inuyasha sighed heavily, leaning his forehead against the rough bark. No, it wasn't just that. He'd stopping thinking of her in terms of Kikyou already. He believed that he'd honestly loved her, but Kikyou hadn't sent him into spirals of desire. She'd been lovely and sweet, serious and oh, far too good for the likes of him. He'd been swept up in the ideals she proposed, the way she didn't seem to judge him like everyone else. It was still hard for him to believe so much time had passed.

He closed his eyes again, pressing his face against the rough sleeve of his haori as he rested his arm on the tree. He should be damn happy that the kitsune and Rin had come back when they did, instead of maybe five minutes later. He was sure he would have had her by then, he could almost feel the velvety curve of her hips pressing against his…

"Damn you," he whispered, reaching for himself. He wasn't embarrassed about having to use his hand, far better that than to go back there and do what was running through his mind. It was taking much of his self-control to not go to her and throw her over his shoulder like some kind of trophy so he could run off and fuck her senseless.

Her mouth…yeah, that was what got to him. The softness of those full lips, he wanted to bite down on them, suck on them like a sweet. Inuyasha hissed as his fingers tightened, he was already so hard and needful that it wasn't going to take long.

Gods above, should he want her this much? Especially after what that one-eyed hag had said about him. His mouth twisted as if he were in pain, for some reason he could see how she'd look, splayed out beneath him, tears of passion streaking her flushed face. The thought made him angry and disgusted with himself, even as he felt his groin surging with undeniable heat.

She'd be warm and wet sliding into her, he'd ride her hard and then surprise her with gentleness, make her whimper his name like a lost woman. Gods, yes, he wanted to hear her. He wanted to hear her screaming his name as her fingernails dug into the skin on his back, clawing at him as she was desperately matching him. Then she'd peak and go limp in his arms, winding those soft hands into his hair as he gave her what she'd asked him for.

Inuyasha shuddered hard, growling low in his chest as he released. Then he felt his knees trembling and it took nearly all his strength just to remain on his feet. Damn it, if he'd really hurt her somewhere back in his unremembered past, why the hell had she responded to him? Why had she clung to him as tightly as he held her? It didn't make any sense and he leaned back to wipe the sweaty hair away from his forehead.

This couldn't go on, he wouldn't let it happen. His brother had been right, the woman was too dangerous. She would cost him his self-control and his mind if he gave in to the darkness of his lust. And there might be no turning back. Wherever she had come from, for whatever reason, he _could_ _not_ fuck her. Not if she could do this much to him and he couldn't explain the reasons why.

He couldn't touch her, not even once. He was scared that he'd never be able to let her go.

oOo

"So this is it."

It was late afternoon when they finally reached the old well. The sun was low in the sky, casting long golden streaks across the quiet forest, tinting the air with a hint of scarlet and fire. Kagome stared at the well as if it were her doom, rather than her salvation. She knew that she was an emotional mess, hanging on by a shred of the person that she used to be. She'd refused to even think of this moment, knowing that she'd gambled hard that this would work in the first place.

"Kagome?" Shippou asked softly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she murmured, looking up to meet his concerned eyes. "This is going to work, Shippou. Don't worry about me."

The kitsune's smile was half-hearted and before she could stop him, he moved forward to give her a rough hug, letting her go before he even saw the flash of anger in Inuyasha's eyes. That was reason enough for her to go, if Shippou started to suspect her weakness, he would become so disgusted with her that he'd hate her for it. She already hated herself enough for them both.

Inuyasha held his tongue when the fox gave her a quick embrace, telling himself again that she wasn't his, wasn't ever gonna be his, and damned if this didn't have to work. He still didn't understand what the hell was supposed to happen.

A well that went into the future, the future?

He scoffed silently to himself, mystics and magic be damned.

And he had to admit that he was more than a little pissed off. You'd think that the bitch would have mentioned that this was Kikyou's village, damn her to hell. At least it wouldn't have been such a shock to him, striding out of the forest and realizing with cold recognition that he knew this place. Not far from here, too close for his ease, there was a certain tree. He could almost feel the arrow piercing his skin, the fury of betrayal overwhelming him and despair gnawing at his heart that she'd never really loved him.

_Not again_…

He noticed a slip of paper clinging to the edge of the well and reached for it, not thinking much other than curiosity about its origin. It came away easily, almost crumbling between his fingers as he turned it over and noticed the faded symbols that were almost illegible. Some kind of spell? He knew a warding sutra when he saw one; he wasn't a complete idiot after all.

Glancing up, he saw the woman looking in his direction, an indefinable expression on her face. Her mouth twisted just slightly, as if she was holding back something she wanted to say to him. Inuyasha rubbed the piece of paper between his thumb and forefinger, unsurprised when it crumbled to ash and flakes with just the lightest touch. Kagome looked away from him and he found himself more annoyed than ever.

Something about the way her eyes dropped, the way her chin turned away from him, made him inexpressibly sad.

"I guess this is it," Kagome murmured, reaching for Shippou's hand. She gave him a quick squeeze to know that she understood everything he'd done for her. "I'm going to miss you, please take care of yourself."

His eyes lit up and the young man's grin became steadier as he covered her hand with his own. "I will," he answered with a mischievous grin. "You just be happy, whatever it takes. And I'll be happy for you."

"Kagome?"

She turned, startled by the hesitant tone in Rin's voice. The girl was blushing, looking down at her feet in obvious embarrassment. Kagome raised her eyebrows and glanced over at Inuyasha, but he simply shrugged and looked away. No help there. "Yes, Rin?"

The girl took a deep breath, her cheeks fairly flaming. Her dark eyes were serious though and she met Kagome's gaze steadily. "I need to apologize," she said quietly. "I was wrong about you."

At Kagome's confused frown, Rin sighed heavily and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I mean, I apologize for shooting at you, and I apologize for the things I said to you," she said, lifting her chin with resolve. "I'm sorry I thought you were only saving your own skin. You went back for Inuyasha, even though it was dangerous and all those people would have tried to stop you."

Rin made a short, jerky bow and smiled up at Kagome, her eyes dancing impishly. "Thank you for rescuing him."

"Bah," Inuyasha muttered, shaking his head.

Kagome ignored Inuyasha as best she could and smiled back at Rin. "Thank you," she said softly. "It means a lot to me that you said so."

It did, she had to admit it. Maybe this was what had brought her back to the warring states era. She had discovered the truth at last. Shippou had survived and grown into a fine young man. And she herself had survived her greatest fear, that of seeing Inuyasha again. She'd proved herself to be stronger and even rediscovered a piece of that compassionate heart she'd been born with. Not everything was about power or ambition, not every problem could be solved by manipulation or masked by sex.

Maybe, once she returned to the world where she truly belonged, she could restart her life. Let a little more of the girl she had been into the woman she had become. She could let go of the nightmares. Slowly, she raised her eyes to Inuyasha's and sighed.

He wasn't the same anymore.

Neither was she.

It wasn't an ideal solution, but under the circumstances, she'd take what she could get.

"Quit stalling, woman," Inuyasha grumbled, coming over to stand near her. "We gonna do this or not?"

So maybe some things didn't change. He was still the same rude and pushy bastard she remembered. Brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead, Kagome gave him an arch smile that been known to make grown men quiver.

"I'm ready," she said, "all you have to do is jump down the well."

"Great, long goodbyes piss me off," he muttered. Kagome squeaked when he suddenly seized her around the waist, hoisting her into the air as he sprang lightly to the lip of the well. She heard Shippou cursing at Inuyasha's rough handling of her, but she really couldn't focus. Her heart was beating too hard, her pulse was thundering in her ears. Unaccountably, she struggled in his arms, suddenly terrified.

She twisted in his embrace, her fingers clutching at his shoulders as he swung her over the side. "Scared?" he whispered, his voice sensuous in her ear.

Kagome forced herself to calm down, let her body go limp. "Not anymore," she answered, staring right into his eyes. Inuyasha smiled faintly, as if he'd expected her to say that, and let them fall over the side.

_Falling through light spangled darkness, eternity stretching before her, she felt the universe collide within itself, shatter, and become reborn_…

Inuyasha's feet touched the ground; she felt his body shift as he held her even closer. Kagome couldn't open her eyes; she concentrated on breathing even as the warm arms around her tightened. For just a moment, she wanted the world to end, just as long as he held her. But that was impossible.

"Kagome?"

She heard her name being called from the top of the well and forced herself to open her eyes. Craning her head back, she looked up into eternity.

"Shit," she heard Shippou mutter. "It didn't work."

Inuyasha couldn't think of anything to say as the woman threw her arms around his neck and sobbed like a lost soul. Feeling helpless, he stroked her back, her hair and cradled her to his chest like a child.

oOo

When she awoke, her head was aching and her mouth felt like it had been filled with sand. Slowly, Kagome raised herself up on her elbow and rubbed at her sleep-crusted eyes. She felt horribly disoriented and for a long, dreamlike moment, she couldn't remember where she was. But the confusion didn't last and was quickly replaced by overwhelming despair.

_She was here, she was here forever_…

Kagome choked back a bitter sob. Her life was gone, the life she'd known, that she'd worked so hard for, gone forever on the other side of that accursed well. It was possible she'd never see her family again…

_And how much did you see them anyway?_

The thought writhed in her mind like a striking snake, burning her with the venom of its truth. How could she mourn the loss of her family when she'd only seen her mother and brother a handful of times since she'd left Japan? She'd been too busy, too driven to waste her time with keeping in contact. Certainly there'd been phone calls, less and less as the years went by, and she salved the guilt of neglecting her mother by sending expensive gifts.

Her younger brother had become a man without her being home and all she'd done was continue to write checks for birthdays and holidays, and a tuition that Souta didn't want. And her grandfather…

The tears came then and Kagome closed her eyes, her shoulders shaking as she thought about jii-chan. How many times had he asked her to come home for a visit in those last few years? What had she done with her spare time then? Treated herself to expensive vacations where she could mix and mingle with her client base, be seen with the celebrities and powerbrokers who had become the focus of her life.

But she'd had no time for an old man who wanted to bore her with his stories, his long and rambling tales about spirits and demons, oh God no, she hadn't wanted to fucking hear about it ever again!

She caught her breath, horrified. It wasn't that she had been too wrapped up in her selfish life. Home had meant a past she worked hard to forget and the memories of the innocent girl she'd been. Home meant facing the past, it meant blood on a high school bathroom floor and shame pouring from between her legs like a crimson wave of self-loathing and fear…

She struggled to her feet and forced herself to move, convinced that her only salvation lie in facing what she had come to hate within herself. It was full dark now and she could see the stars outside the gaps in the roof. She realized that they must have carried her back to the village; this was Kaede's old hut.

Her lips twisted with bitterness, the irony of the situation not escaping her.

Pushing aside the old mat that covered the doorway, Kagome stepped outside. A small campfire had been built near the hut, the dying embers of it still glowing against the dark ground. She smiled faintly; Shippou and Rin were both asleep.

The young girl was sprawled on her back with her arms cast out at her sides like sleep had somehow taken her by surprise. In contrast, Shippou was frowning slightly, one arm under his head and the other hand curled into a fist. She wondered if he'd gone to sleep angry or upset and had to stop herself from touching his hair.

Predictably, Inuyasha was nowhere to be seen. She wondered if he was out in the forest, keeping a watchful eye over the village that no longer needed protection. Her face hardened at the thought, irony was in no short supply tonight as it was by Inuyasha's actions that the village needed no protection and was no longer home to anyone.

The ground was cool under her bare feet, the hems of her hakama rustled against the overgrown grass. But Kagome didn't need any path to guide her way; even in the dark she could find the well. As she came out of the forest she was struck by a sense of déjà vu that was so strong, it took her breath away.

It was on a moonlit night, not unlike this one, that she'd made her escape down that very well. That night she'd finally been convinced that Inuyasha was lost to her forever and she'd thrown herself into the well like a suicide…

Kagome put her hands on the lip of the well and stared into the darkness that no longer held escape. And maybe this was how it was meant to be. If the well hadn't opened for her, if a fifteen year-old girl had simply fallen to her death down an old well that should have been filled in years ago…

It was entirely possible that she, Kagome Higurashi, had never been meant to exist in the world that she'd been born to. Fascinated by her own dark musings, Kagome leaned over the side of the well, her weight falling forward, the heels of her feet leaving the ground…

A rough hand caught her arm and startled her, dragging her back from the edge. "What the hell are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?"

Angry, she yanked her arm away from him as if she loathed his very touch. "What's it to you?" she demanded. "Get away from me, Inuyasha!"

"Stupid woman." Inuyasha growled softly to himself and folded his arms over his chest. "You don't really wanna die," he said coldly, watching her with careful eyes. "You should go back to the village and get some sleep."

Kagome laughed harshly and shook her head. The last thing in the world she needed right now was for him to think he could make decisions for her. Maybe she didn't want to die; it had been a fleeting urge. But the loss still ached inside her, the reality of the fact that she was trapped here again…with him.

"Since when are you so concerned with what I'm feeling?" she asked, tossing her hair out of her eyes with a defiant edge to her voice. "You've done what you promised, I'm not holding you to anything else. Take Rin and go home, Inuyasha. I'm not your problem."

She watched as his jaw clenched, the muscles of his shoulders jerked a little in angry reaction to her words. "Yeah, you ain't my problem," he sneered, "but you're still a pain in the ass, bitch."

"If I'm a pain in the ass, then I'd be doing you a favor if I did throw myself down that well and die," she answered, her eyes still snapping a little. She wasn't sure why she was so angry with him. Why had he followed her, what was his reason for keeping watch over her now?

Was he feeling sorry for her? Was pity the reason he'd followed her from the village? It was much more likely that he was just suspicious of her even now.

Kagome's mouth thinned into a hard line as she stared at him. He wasn't half human anymore, how could he sympathize or care about what she must be feeling? It pissed her off that he'd even try.

"You don't have to pretend that you give a damn," she said softly, raising her chin. "I already know you better than that."

Inuyasha snorted in annoyance. "You about done feeling sorry for yourself, priestess? I'm sick of hearing about how you know everything. Looks like you don't know as much as you thought, doesn't it?"

Kagome stiffened, realizing what he meant. The well hadn't opened for her and she'd dragged him here only to find out that it had been pointless. Her hands curled into tight fists, but she found she didn't have the energy to fight with him anymore. She was too raw, too hurt, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her vulnerable.

"Just leave me alone," she muttered, her tone heavy with the despair that was filling her heart. She wasn't sure how much she could endure and she'd already been broken once before. She heard him shift uneasily; she could tell that her grief was unsettling for him. Not that she wanted his sympathy, or his pity, it was the last thing she needed.

She was surprised when she felt his hand on her shoulder, turning her around to face him. Kagome opened her mouth to blister him for daring to touch her when she was suddenly pulled into a warm embrace. Her nose was buried the front of his haori and she felt his hand linger on her hair as he held her. She closed her eyes, wanting to relax into the warmth and forget everything else.

Yes, she was crazy, but so was the world around her.

"Is this why you followed me?" she murmured into the rough fabric of his haori. "You thought I'd be vulnerable now, easy for you to take advantage of? Isn't that the way of things, you being a demon and me just a human woman?"

She felt his back stiffen as she put her arms around him, smiling bitterly against his chest. "You don't have to pretend to be nice, I won't be fooled by it anyway. Maybe you can convince others that you've changed, that you aren't a bastard, Inuyasha. I can always see right through you and that's what makes you want me."

Inuyasha shoved her back, so angry that he was shaking. "You fucking bitch," he snarled. "Is that what you think I'm after, that I'm so desperate to fuck I'll try to take advantage of your situation? That's twisted, I'm not trying to…"

She smiled at him, her eyes so dark and fatal that they made his heart thud heavily in his chest. The smile she was giving him now was tinged with despair, but her hands felt warm as they lazily explored his body. Kagome leaned forward, pulling his clothing open and deliberately kissed the faint scar on his chest where she knew Kikyou's arrow had pierced his heart.

"Haven't you been listening?" she whispered, letting her hands roam sensuously. Inuyasha gasped when her fingers found him half hard already and squeezed. Like it or not, his body was responding to what she was now blatantly offering him. "I said you didn't have to pretend."

"Crazy," he muttered, trying to shake off his desire. He glared down at her, trying to fathom the sudden change in her demeanor. She accused him and compelled him, twisted up his mind but he wasn't going to be drawn into her trap this time. Kagome just smiled up at him with half-lidded eyes, her hand working him expertly through the fabric of his hakama.

He needed to stop this before it went any further, before he couldn't stop it. Forcing himself to be gentle, he pushed her away. "This isn't what you want, Kagome," he said, his voice already rough. "You're not thinking right…"

"Don't tell me what I'm thinking," she hissed back, her eyes glinting in anger as she buried her fists in the front of his haori. "You don't understand a damn thing, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha growled softly when she pulled him down to meet her lips, snaring him with a kiss so raw and urgent that their teeth scraped. He was losing his resolve, his hands finding her without meaning to, the soft curves of her body pressed into him with reckless intent. His senses were rocked as her tongue slid into his mouth, probing for his and demanding that he answer.

Lost and falling now, he was clinging to her, his hands reached down to cup her bottom, squeezing and lifting her against him. One of her legs snaked around his, holding him to her as if he even wanted to escape. All of his earlier resolve was fading fast, blotted out by the helpless desire that was overwhelming him.

He staggered when she suddenly shoved him away. Inuyasha had barely a moment to draw a confused breath to ask what the hell was going on before Kagome careened into him, using the entire weight of her body to knock him to the ground. Stunned, unsure of what was the meaning behind her attack, he stared up as the woman planted her small hands on his shoulders and stared down at him.

"My way," she said harshly, glaring at him as if he'd dare to argue. Her hips rocked against his and Inuyasha hissed, feeling the muscles of her thighs contract. Kagome leaned back, smiling wickedly as she shrugged her shoulders out of her loosened top. The white fabric fell away to pool around her waist, leaving him staring at her naked breasts as she stood up and pulled at the ties of her own hakama.

Lying flat on his back, he couldn't help but just stare at her, longing and desire making his eyes darken as she kicked the discarded clothing away from them. Her smile was gloating, triumphant. His hands came up to caress her bare hips wonderingly, her smooth flesh enticing him to reach for more. Kagome hissed as his palms slid over her waist, reaching upwards to hesitantly explore her.

This was what she'd wanted, secretly in the hidden places of her heart, to have him under her control.

"Do you want me now?" she whispered, her hands finding the ties of his clothing and pulling.

Inuyasha was breathing heavily, panting really, his arms shaking as his claws dug lightly into her skin. His eyes were tightly closed; sweat dripping from his temples and his face flushed dark red with passion.

"Yeah," he answered, swearing that she was going to make him come before he even got inside her.

Kagome's fingers contracted until he cried out. Her eyes were lit from within, her expression nearly as feral as his as she leaned over his body, her lips only inches from his. "I didn't hear you," she murmured, her hands keeping him a prisoner of want. "Tell me again that you want me."

"Fuck, yeah," he gasped out, his hands clenching on her bare arms. No woman, youkai or human, had ever been able to do this to him. She made him helpless, ready to beg her for it, and while his pride was outraged, his flesh was welcoming her rough seduction.

A soft moan escaped her lips as she leaned back, raising her body to slide him inside. She forced herself to take him slowly, letting her weight fall on him as he plunged inside her. When she was ready, nearly frantic for her own release, she rocked forward harshly and slammed her hips against his. Sure of herself now, she moved faster as she dug her fingernails into his chest. Part of her wished that she had claws of her own; it would have felt amazing to tear into him at this moment.

_Once upon a time_…

Their bodies moving in tandem, the sound of flesh striking flesh echoed in the still night.

_A little girl fell down a well_…

She rode him harder, their bodies moving in tandem, the sound of flesh striking flesh. God, she'd been craving this, needing this. Of her many lovers, none had ever made her come so hard she'd lose her mind.

_She was lost_…

Impossibly hard and hot, sliding inside her as she ground her body on top of his, it was enough to make him crazy. Inuyasha growled savagely, reaching up to pull her into his embrace, his arms tightening across the small of her back. One hand pressed her face against his throat, his fingers knotted in the tangled, sweaty hair at nape of her neck.

_The little girl was never seen again_.

Kagome wailed suddenly, her back arching as she peaked in a crash of pleasure, her body shuddering on top of his as he moved faster beneath her. His hands went to her hips, his fingers painful as he grasped the soft flesh, thrusting up into her and almost bucking her off him in a furious wave of desire.

He shouted her name, Kagome felt him tremble beneath her as his body surged. Whispering now, he wiped her hair away from her face; his palms cupping her flushed cheeks and drew her mouth to his own for an exhausted kiss. She fell into him, unsure even as she fainted if it was her own tears or his that tasted like salt on her lips.


	24. TwentyFour

_**Possession 24**_

Kagome had always been a good student, at least until her extracurricular activities put a serious dent in her study time. Her grades were above average, certainly not the highest, but she worked hard and had always been proud of her accomplishments.

She ran through the darkness, branches and twigs slapped her face…

When she'd come home from her adventures for the last time, when adventure had left a bitter taste in her mouth, her solution for the trauma was to throw herself into her schoolwork with blind dedication…and naked ambition.

He wasn't far behind her now, she could feel him breathing on the back of her neck. He was going to catch her for sure…

It wasn't so simple. Hard work and dedication weren't enough to stop the nightmares. After she'd lost the baby, no one wanted to talk to her. There were whispers when she walked the halls and other girls just turned their eyes away from her. She was hardly the first teenager to have made the mistake of getting herself pregnant, but her painfully public miscarriage was the topic of gossip for weeks.

His body slammed into hers, knocking her to the ground. Kagome twisted under him, fighting desperately. She'd lost her last chance, she'd never gotten to the well to use Kaede's sutras, she'd never escaped him, but she was trapped now…

Kagome learned to ignore the rumors, the whispers. She'd gotten good at pretending in a remarkably short time. The face she showed to her classmates and teachers was bland and pleasant, even her mother and brother seemed to be fooled. Or they just knew better than to question it.

A scream died before it crossed her lips, cut off by the way his teeth were buried in her throat…

The nightmares, the ones that made her cry in her sleep and wake feeling like her body had been fighting secret battles. If anyone noticed the dark circles under her eyes, they assumed that it came from staying up late and studying. Sometimes it was the truth, as studying brought her no bad dreams.

His curses flooded her ears as the sharp claws tore away her clothing. She was begging him now, pleading for her life. He couldn't even hear her; she understood that the rage had seeped into his brain. He was lost to her; she was lost to herself and knew that she was always meant to die like this…

Twisting the in darkness, sobbing against the night, over and over she fought that last battle. It had nothing to do with survival or her family, it had nothing to do with the child she'd lost, her fear and pain were simply to deep to be escaped.

She wasn't fighting him now, she was too hurt. Pain was a never-ending experience for her, rising and falling in waves of intensity. She could feel her own blood slicking between her legs, his vicious thrusts weren't meant to pleasure either of them. This was destruction; he wanted to tear her soul from her body. His claws gouged at the soft flesh of her inner thighs, her vulnerable breasts…

Why had she survived at all? Why hadn't the demon killed her? Was there a higher purpose to her life; was there a reason that the universe had made such a decree? That Kagome Higurashi should live and suffer for the sins of them all.

Hands around her throat, squeezing so hard she could feel her windpipe crushed. He shouted with joy when the blood bubbled between her lips, drove himself with excited savagery between her legs. She wished she'd die already, lose consciousness, pretend that she'd never existed…never loved him.

Still loved him…that was the nightmare that didn't fade away at dawn.

Left broken, left to die, pain surging in her body like a flood, betrayal trickling crimson from her lips. This was how it ended; this was the way it should have ended. The cruelest part of a nightmare is that one wakes from it. And Kagome had prayed…over and over…that this time, she'd not awaken at all.

oOo

It was an old nightmare, but one that had always made her heart pound. Kagome twitched, instantly awake and hearing nothing but her own harsh breathing. Her first instinct was to fight down the panic, feeling her limbs like cold and frozen blocks, unable to move as the pain and terror of her dreams still held her prisoner within his arms.

She was warm and comfortable, curled on her side with one arm tucked under her head. Opening her eyes, she felt confusion that she couldn't see clearly before it occurred to her that it wasn't her eyes playing tricks. It was dark, only a blurry outline of something solid before her eyes. It always took her a few minutes to convince her battered heart that she really wasn't on the verge of death, that the agony and fear were only a nightmare.

She was still alive. She was still Kagome Higurashi and she had survived.

_But for what purpose_…

She was contemplating that, just as she was contemplating what the hell she was doing outside, curled up in the pre-dawn darkness of a chilly morning, when a warm hand caressed her bare hip. It trailed sensuously over her skin, the lightest touch of claws tickling her, and she felt a warm breath against the back of her neck.

"You're awake," he murmured, his face buried in the back of her hair as his arm tightened around her waist. "Good…I've missed you."

"Missed me?" she whispered fearfully, her breath catching in the back of her throat. No, it couldn't be, she'd been so stupid. The memory of what she'd done with Inuyasha flowed over her body like a warm tide; she could see it all so clearly. The way she'd pushed him on the ground, determined to have him on her own terms. Not that he'd fought her, oh hell no, Inuyasha had been more than willing to let her do whatever she wanted and what she'd wanted was only…

His palm stroked her belly before approaching her breasts. Kagome lay perfectly still, terrified that if she turned around now she'd see the glowing crimson eyes, the overlong fangs. His touch was gentle, cupping her breast and a finger making lazy circles over her nipple, bringing it to a hard point almost immediately. She heard him growl softly into her hair, his hold growing possessive as he became more aroused.

She was utterly terrified…and couldn't say a word.

Inuyasha didn't seem to notice her anxiety; either that or he misinterpreted it as acceptance and excitement. Kagome willed herself to move, to push him away, but her body was made of sand and she fell through his touch at one grain at a time. Her body stayed utterly passive even as her mind beat a frantic rhythm of fear against the back of her eyes. His mouth was on her now, hot and demanding, kissing her throat right where she was the most sensitive.

Kagome let out a tiny squeak of protest when Inuyasha turned her over on her back, sliding on top of her as he did so, his mouth taking over hers in fiery hot kiss. His lips forced her own to open for him, his tongue was a dance of invasion, but his hands were gentle and deft, searching between her thighs to find what he wanted.

"Wait," she gasped out, breaking his kiss by twisting her face away from him. She just needed to breathe; she needed to think about this before it went any further. She knew what she'd done, but now…no, she hadn't been thinking clearly at all. Her hands pressed against his shoulders, trying to put a bit more space between their tangled bodies.

"What's the matter?" he murmured, leaving soft kisses on her cheeks and eyelids. "Not ready for me yet? I can help you out with that."

She just looked into his face, studying him with a tiny line between her eyebrows. His eyes were golden, warm like sunshine, his expression was tender and a silly little smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. No, the mad demon hadn't returned, it was the same man she'd bedded. The same one that was ignorant of the depths of how he'd wronged her, but she knew deep inside a heart once betrayed that he could so easily wrong her again.

"I know what we did last night," she began, wishing her voice didn't sound so uncertain, almost like a child's confession. His eyes sparkled at that; smiling wider now as he snuggled into her body like she was everything warm he'd been waiting for. The tender expression hadn't faded; his fingers traced the line of her cheek with a gentle caress, coaxing her to him once again.

"Yeah," he whispered, kissing her throat again. "I remember too, you were unbelievable."

He sighed softly against her slightly open mouth, the tip of his tongue glided across her lower lip. "What have you done to me?" he asked, breathing harder now as his gaze darkened with desire. "What kind of spell is this, priestess? I can't think of anything but you. It was killing me inside, I thought I'd go insane from wanting you."

Her hands clenched in his hair, her arms were trembling as her body threatened to betray her. It would be easy to give in and drown for him. He sensed her resistance was evaporating and pursued her, his hands and lips wreaking havoc on her weak body. It was much like being murdered; his touch seemed to strip away every shred of identity that she'd clung to for all these years.

"I'll take you home with me," he said, breathless and passionate. "Don't worry about anything, I can take care of everything you need."

Kagome stared up at the sky; it was slowly becoming lighter, the stars fading like memories that had never been real. She was trapped here, well and truly trapped. Her life, her home, it was all gone. Once again she'd managed to lose everything and now…all she had left was Inuyasha. Under the circumstances, would it be so terrible for her to let him have her? She'd be safe in this uncertain world, he was strong and could protect her, provide for any children they might have…

It was like someone had poured ice over her body and Kagome gasped, trying to twist away from him now. She couldn't, she could not go through that again. Thinking on the subject of children had awakened the nameless fear at the back of her mind, the deep and dirty secrets. Give a child to a monster like this? Not knowing if he would one day turn into the beast that had nearly killed her?

"No!" she cried, pushing him away. Inuyasha growled in response and shoved her hard, pinning her body with his weight as he caught her wrists when she would have struck at him blindly.

"Damn it, bitch," he snarled, frustrated by her sudden attack. She stared at him, lost for a moment and was startled to see fresh blood on his face where her fingernails had torn at him. She had gone from aroused half-acceptance to full blown resistance so fast that he'd never seen it coming. Suddenly the woman was tearing at him, writhing like a she-demon and trying to drive that knee of hers into his groin.

"Get off me, you bastard," she snarled. Inside her head, her mind was frantic.

_No no no you don't get to I won't let you. I will save my baby!_

"Didn't you hear me?" he shouted, pinning her wrists against the hard ground while she glared up at him with hatred. "I said I'd fucking take care of you!"

"Liar!" she spat, too angry with herself to think about what she was doing. "You just want to use me again, you son of a bitch!"

She was a fucking lunatic, he decided, bitter anger filling him. The woman had thrown him on the ground and fucked him half-senseless, totally overwhelming him with just her passion. If he had half a brain left in his addled skull, he'd just get up now and leave, never fucking look back. Let that rat of a kitsune look after this crazy bitch; let it be somebody else's problem.

If only it could be that easy. Her face was twisted in fear and rage, dead pale with spots of red mottling her skin like a disease. And he didn't give a damn what she looked like or even if she was batshit insane. Something about her made him feel whole, made the darkness that lived where his memories should be go quiet. This was the woman he'd been waiting for all of his life, he'd dreamed of her face, her scent, never daring to hope that she might be real.

"Calm down," he ordered, trying to restrain her without hurting her. It was almost impossible; she was strong and full of fire, the same body that had held him so passionately was now at war with him. And he couldn't think of what he'd done wrong, why she'd suddenly turn on him like this. But she was going to hurt herself if he didn't put a stop to it.

Inuyasha rolled off of Kagome and wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't think of a better way to keep control of her without injuring her and held her tight against him, resting his forehead against her back. She slowly calmed, her breathing sounding less panicked and frantic and he sighed heavily.

A mistake, he'd damned well known it would be a mistake to fuck her, but at the same time, she'd made him helpless for her. That naked vulnerability in her eyes last night, coupled with her aggressive desire, had made her more than a sane man could resist. And he already knew he wasn't exactly sane himself.

"There," he said, wanting to soothe her. She shrugged like she wanted to get away from him and reluctantly let her go. Kagome sat up, pushing her hair back and rubbing her face, covering it with her hands so that he couldn't see.

_I'm done with crying over you_...

"You want to tell me what your problem is?" he asked, his voice gentler than his words. She refused to look at him, but pissed as he was, he knew better than to touch her right now. She'd probably go crazy on him and they'd be right back where they started.

"My problem is you," she said in a flat, harsh tone that left no argument. Kagome drew her knees up to her chest and hugged herself. "I don't want you to take care of me. I'm not going to let you make me into your fucking whore, Inuyasha."

For a moment, he couldn't breathe and red swam in front of his eyes. Years ago he would have leapt to his feet and screamed at her for that, but now he controlled himself. Flying into a rage wouldn't solve their problem.

"Okay," he said bitterly. "I fucking get it."

"No, you don't," she snarled, turning on him. His hands clenched into fists where he'd rested them on his legs, sitting across from her like an accusation. Kagome smiled, a twist of her lips that held no humor. "You don't get it and you can't get it."

"Because I can't remember?" he demanded. Hell, it wasn't his fault. He didn't even know what had destroyed his memories; obviously there was something more to what had happened between them. "Just tell me then, I want to know how bad it really was. Did I kill someone you cared about?"

"Yes," she hissed, her eyes on fire. "You killed everything I cared about because you were a selfish bastard. You lied and pretended to be something you weren't and by the time I figured it out, it was far too late."

Pain crossed his face; old pain that he was sure had something to do with shame. Just like everyone else, he'd probably let her down. He didn't remember being a liar; he didn't remember a damned thing beyond Kikyou's arrow. This strange woman and her burning eyes, this bitch that pulled at his heart one moment and gouged it out the next, what the hell did she want him to do?

Apologize? She'd already told him not to dare apologize for what he couldn't take back. And she knew his apologies to be meaningless, how could they be sincere when he didn't even know what he'd done. He'd be apologizing for a stranger and she left him with no way, no way at all to tell her how it felt.

"I just wanted to tell you," he said quietly, meeting her eyes. "I wanted you to know that you weren't alone. You gotta be scared; no way to get home, your well didn't work. Shit, Kagome." He was desperate now. "I wasn't going to force you take me up on it!"

She sat quietly then, a sad figure huddled against the darkness of the ground and the ever-lightening sky. Inuyasha leaned closer, drawn in yet again by her manner and reached out to stroke her cheek. When she didn't flinch away, he was encouraged enough to take her cold hand in his, letting their fingers twine together while she wouldn't look at him.

"You can't save me," she said abruptly. "Don't think that you can."

He grinned at that, challenged by her yet again. "Don't expect that I'd want to save you, crazy woman. Quit putting words in my mouth."

She raised her eyes and looked at him. "What are you going to do then?" Kagome asked, her voice light and unconcerned. "Are you going to go back to Sesshomaru now and tell him that I really was full of shit and that everything I told him was a lie?"

Confused, he wondered why she'd bring that up now. "I don't understand," he began.

She laughed at him, a hard sound that was at odds with her quiet manner. "Wasn't your brother was convinced that this was some kind of ruse on my part, like I was trying to lure you into a trap? Well, the trap seems to have failed; I had my best chance to get you killed at the village. Now my secret is exposed and the well doesn't work. Isn't that what you've been thinking about?"

It wasn't, but she was leading him in circles. Kagome smiled faintly, a smile so positively dark and fatal it should have sent shivers up his spine. Her pale hand came towards him, touched his cheek. "Maybe he was right," she whispered in a voice that seemed to come from the grave. "Maybe you were right. Did you see those wards that were placed on the well, Inuyasha? You recognized them, didn't you?"

"Some kind of sealing sutras," he muttered. He hadn't given it much thought, as the spells had no power in them. "The kind a human priest would use to constrain a youkai."

"Not just to constrain," she murmured. "To kill. To utterly destroy."

He surged forward, seizing her by the shoulders. "Is that what you were planning?" he demanded, sensing the truth in her words. "You were trying to kill me by getting me down that well?"

"Actually, no," she answered quite calmly. She was beyond him now; he could feel her fading from him and dug his fingers into her arms. "I was reasonably sure that the spell was dormant. But I could have been lying to you the whole time and you should have been looking for a trap, Inuyasha. Why didn't you?"

She took his breath away. "Who are you?" he murmured, pulling her against his chest and tipping her chin so he could look into her eyes.

"What does it matter? Are you going to kill me?" she asked like it made no difference to her if she lived or died. "Is that what Sesshomaru told you to do if you discovered it was a trap? Or did you just want to fuck me first?"

Suddenly, he was able to see himself from her perspective. The hated youkai, the monster that betrayed, the beast that couldn't control himself. It made him feel vaguely ill, that she wasn't that far from the truth. If it had been a trap, he would have killed her without hesitation. And as a demon, yeah, he might have wanted to screw her before he killed her.

It was the nature of what he was…but it wasn't him.

"You're a sick, crazy woman," he murmured, hating the way the scent of her still made him weak. He hated that he couldn't just get up and leave her here.

Kagome leaned her head against his chest. "If you believe that, then you should get away from me while you can."

"Is that what you want?" His arms tightened around her. "I'm not stupid, you wanted me last night. You wanted me every bit as much as I wanted you."

She shook her head and he growled, ready to push her on her back and prove that she wanted him. Kagome didn't move, didn't react when he buried his face against her throat, kissing her and grasping her roughly enough to raise bruises from her pale skin. Her lips were cold against his, frustrating him as he tried to find that heat she'd held before. He wanted to burn her with his kisses, make her believe that what he'd said was real.

"It meant nothing to me," she said quietly, passively. "You mean nothing to me. This is so pathetic, Inuyasha. I only fucked you to prove that there's nothing you can ever take away from me again."

Her words were vicious, eating at every insecurity he'd ever felt. He crushed her body against his and felt no reaction, as if she could absorb all of his pain and anger and never let it touch her soul. Furious, he shoved her to the ground, knowing that he could make her feel something, if not pleasure or want, then pain and punishment would have to do. The red rage was rising in his blood, angry at her, wanting to make her pay for what she'd done

…_pay for imprisoning them, for killing them and trapping them in that hell of nothingness_…

"So, it's to be rape after all," she murmured as he grasped her thighs to pull them apart. "Go on, Inuyasha. Be what you are, hate me…use me. But don't you lie to me and say you give a damn. I know who you are, so don't treat me like you're someone else."

Sickened, he pulled away and put his head in his hands. Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut in despair; he didn't know what he was doing anymore. Unbidden images of her face flashed before his eyes. Kagome laughing, waving to him, running through a rainstorm and holding a silly yellow bag over her head. He shuddered violently and saw Kikyou, her sober face lighting in a gentle smile when she spotted him, a blush when the back of her hand brushed his.

Kikyou bleeding, her face set in harsh lines of pain as she raised her bow and aimed at his death with her arrow.

"No," he murmured, fighting the memory as it threatened to overwhelm him. He started to shake, tremble really, his hands clenching on his legs and his breath rasping in his throat as he fought to control himself. Nameless terror gripped him, his mind twisting down a long and violent path, shattering his resolve. What kind of monster was he, what had he done to make them hate him so much…

Another memory swam before his eyes, battering him with its vividness. A woman wearing armor, her long hair matted to her face as she swung a sword, cutting him, hurting him, shredding his limbs as he tore at her, hungry for her blood. Darkness surrounded them, filled the confines of the small cavern, but madness and hate were pulsing like many hearts within his chest. Then the taste of blood filled his mouth as he finally caught her, eating into the soft flesh of her body, ripping, shredding, devouring…

Inuyasha screamed as a blinding hot light filled him, pain like nothing he'd ever imagined, like nothing that could be felt by a single body. Then everything went dark. When he recovered, he found himself face down on the ground, his nose in the dirt as if he'd made no attempt to catch himself as he fell. He rolled on his side and rubbed his aching forehead.

He didn't have to look around to know that the woman had gone.

oOo

It wasn't a hot spring but it was all she had. Resolutely, she stripped off her clothing and dropped it on the bank before stepping into the chilly water. Kagome shuddered; her flesh almost ghostly pale as she moved into the stream, her nipples like hard ridges as she instinctively covered her breasts with her arms. She was so cold, but it had nothing to do with the temperature of the water. The ice was all inside her and she blinked hard to fight the tears that were already falling.

There had been a number of times over the past few years when she hadn't liked herself, when she'd been disgusted by what she'd been willing to do. Those times left bitterness in her mouth, repulsion for her own behavior that was quickly shunted to the back of her mind. Self-reflection wasn't a luxury she usually afforded to herself for just such a reason.

It made her sick what she'd just done to him, so sick that she could feel the bile in the back of her throat, every bit as sour as her guilt. She slowly sank to her knees, letting the water rise over her shoulders. In a few hours, after the sun was properly high in the sky, this water might be warmer and more welcoming to her tired body. But she wasn't interested in comfort, not when she hardly deserved it.

Taking a deep breath, she submerged and listened to the sounds of water rushing past her ears. This was something she'd missed, the way it felt to swim a clear running stream, a living stream that didn't know or care what she'd done and would absorb her tears like they were nothing more than droplets of a guiltless rain.

Kagome stayed under until her lungs were begging for air and then stood up in a single fluid movement. Water streamed from her hair and body as she gasped, taking greedy gulps of fresh, clean air to dispel the feeling that she was corrupted.

Yes, what a mistake it had been to sleep with him.

She didn't have a choice about what she'd done afterwards, it was too much, too close and the fear still rode her like the demon from her past. She scrubbed hard at her face and arms, washing herself until her skin became pink with her efforts. So dirty, so filthy, what a mess she'd made of her life. It disgusted her, this weak, pale body with its unrepentant desires, its lusts.

Inuyasha didn't know who she was, probably didn't care either. She was just a woman that he'd lusted after and now she'd rejected him as callously as she knew how. He'd never know that she did it for both of their sakes, so that they didn't have to walk that same dark path again.

"Damn you," she swore softly, watching as the forgiving water ran down her body and back into the stream. Maybe it would carry away sins, she really didn't believe it. Her hands clenched into fists, her slim arms shaking. "Do I have to fuck up everything around me?"

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh, Kagome-sama?"

She screamed when she saw him sitting on the bank, full out screamed and stumbled backwards, falling on her ass with a resounding splash. Miroku laughed, his voice joyfully amused at her clumsiness. Angry, she sat up in the water with her arms wrapped around her breasts.

"You scared the hell out of me," she snapped, resenting like hell that his ghost would choose this moment for a visitation. "Don't you have any sense of decency, Miroku?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Not that I recall, or actually, not that you recall, Kagome-sama. Are you surprised to see me now?"

She didn't answer, turning her back to him as if she had any business being modest in front of a hallucination. "I shouldn't be," she replied with a nasty edge to her voice. "You were a pervert when you were alive, Miroku. I shouldn't be surprised that you'd still spy on a naked woman even when you're dead!"

"Who's spying?" he returned, his voice blissfully calm. She shot him a dirty look over her shoulder and had to fight back a grin when he smiled. Miroku rested his chin on his fist and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "As a living man I had to resort to spying on lovely maidens when they bathed, at least now I have no such need for secrecy."

Well, he had her there. Kagome sighed and pulled herself out of the water. She draped her white priestess clothes over her shoulders and ran her fingers through her tangled hair. "Why are you here?" she asked quietly. "Is this where you start giving me advice?"

"What advice do you require, Kagome-sama?"

Kagome looked down at her hands and sighed. "I slept with Inuyasha, Miroku. It was a huge mistake."

"Why do you say that?"

Angry, she jumped up and waded half naked over to where he was sitting on the bank. "What do you mean why? Are you really Miroku? You know what that son of a bitch did to me!"

"Then why did you sleep with him?"

Kagome groaned and covered her face with her hands. Her legs were going numb in the water and she was trembling with the chill of the wet hair streaming down her back. "I don't know," she said, her breath hitching like she was about to start crying again. "I honestly don't know."

Miroku raised a hand and passed it over her cheek. She shivered at the strangeness, he seemed so real and yet his fingers passed over her skin like they were no more than smoke. "I think you can do better than that, Kagome. You didn't used to be so good at lying to yourself."

Stung, she turned around and climbed out of the water. It wouldn't do her any good to catch a cold and she started to towel her legs and lower body with her hakama. Then she dressed herself, not saying a word while Miroku waited patiently. At last, she turned and found she was able to face him.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," she said quietly. "I'm not the girl I used to be, I don't have that innocence anymore. I already know that things don't always work out for the best."

"Ah," Miroku said, looking up at the sky. "So you've lost your faith because your life didn't turn out as you planned. Perhaps that is understandable, but what has been lost can always be found again if you look for it."

She snorted derisively. "Don't bullshit me, Miroku. I suppose you're going to tell me there's some greater purpose in the well leaving me here stranded? I'm not particularly proud of some parts of my life, but damn you. It was my life and I fought like hell to make it. I don't deserve this."

He looked at her, a silent intensity building in his eyes. "Are you asking for my pity? Don't you get tired with being so angry all the time? Do you think that you've sacrificed more than Sango, than Kohaku? Or perhaps myself? You were naïve, but you were also compassionate."

"Your point?" she asked wrathfully.

Miroku's expression was utterly calm. "Don't you think that you should spare a bit of that compassion for yourself? You're not a monster, Kagome. This isn't some kind of cosmic punishment. You are every bit as worthy now as you were back then, maybe even more so because now you've felt and suffered and endured."

"Stop it," she whispered, turning away.

"You aren't here because you're being punished," he said quietly. "None of us can escape what fate brings us. This isn't about you or Inuyasha."

"I can't love him," she muttered, ashamed to find that that lack was within herself. "I can't just let it all happen again."

The monk sighed, staring down at his hands in contemplation. "It doesn't matter how you feel about Inuyasha. This isn't about second chances, Kagome-sama. Inuyasha will meet his fate no matter what you do as even now his time is more limited than you might guess. The Shikon no Tama was not known for being gentle when it grants a wish, nor was it known to bring happiness."

She looked over his shoulder, her eyes troubled. "The jewel is gone. I saw it explode when he used it."

The ghost of a dead monk sighed, shaking his head ruefully. "I can see you've never really thought about it," he said patiently, as if he were speaking to a child. "The Inuyasha I knew never would have wished to become a monster. It might have been easier to convince yourself that what happened was all due to that, but you'd be missing the greater truth."

Kagome eyed him with suspicion and then smiled sweetly. "If you're going to haunt me, Miroku-sama, at least do the me the courtesy of not confusing me by speaking in fucking riddles!"

He laughed uproariously at that, holding his sides and shaking while Kagome seethed. "It's not funny!" she shouted, wishing he were real so she could grab him by the ears and shake him. "That son of a bitch lied to us, Miroku! He was only after the jewel, don't you get it? He didn't give a damn about you or me or Sango and Shippou! He only wanted the power and when he had it…"

She took a deep breath, determined to not fall into tears again. "And when he had the power," she said, her voice shaking, "he did whatever he wanted. He used all of us just to get to the jewel!"

Miroku's expression was grave, ironic for a ghost, she thought. Almost sadly, he smiled at her again. "The Inuyasha I remember wasn't capable of such deception. Think about it. To carry on such a lie for two years would have required much cunning. Many things Inuyasha might be, cunning and deceptive were not among them."

She might very well explode now. "Are you defending him?" she shouted, waving her fists like a mad woman. "He fucking told me so, Miroku! Right after he defeated Naraku, right after I saved him from being dragged off to hell by Kikyou!"

"I'm not saying he doesn't lie," Miroku said quietly. He looked into her eyes, such pain and trust and love shining there, and Kagome stared at him. "The question is what he was actually lying about."

oOo

Shippou was startled out of a sound sleep by a horrid stench. He rolled over, covering his nose with his hand and sneezed violently. Thick smoke washed over him and he glared up at Inuyasha, who had just dropped another armload of pungent green leaves on their smoldering fire. The kitsune sneezed twice more and felt his sinuses swell shut in self-defense.

What the hell are you doing?" he demanded angrily.

"Stupid," the inuyoukai muttered, turning away. "I'm just covering up our scent, there's a lot of hungry demons in that forest and you know, kitsune stink like fresh meat to them."

Growling softly, Shippou got up and edged away from the smoke. "And dog demons stink like fresh shit, what's your point? You afraid of something out there? Or is there something you're trying to hide?"

Inuyasha sighed. He honestly didn't know why he was trying to hide it. On his way back to the village he'd caught a whiff of Kagome's scent and known she'd gone to bathe. Probably to get rid of any traces of him on her body, he'd thought angrily. Then he'd seen the leaves and started pulling them without thinking. When he'd returned and found that Shippou and Rin were still asleep, he'd dropped the mess of them in the fire knowing that the smell would effectively eliminate any traces of sex.

"Just shut up," he grumbled at the annoyed fox demon. "Quit acting like such a baby, I should have done it last night."

The kitsune grumbled to himself and stalked away to the hut, obviously intent on checking on the woman. He was back in moments, his face flushed with angry accusations. "She's not in there," he snarled, coming over to stare right into Inuyasha's face. "What did you do with her, why isn't Kagome in that hut?"

He shoved the fox away from him and glowered. "I didn't do anything," he lied, knowing that the truth would really sting the lovesick Shippou. He should have been bragging about it now, that's what she would expect, but his pride was more than a little sore. It might be fun to gloat about fucking her to the snotty little fox, but the last thing he needed was for that woman to come prancing in and tell them the rest of the story.

_It meant nothing_…

It had meant something to him; it had meant a hell of a lot more to him.

_You mean nothing…I only fucked you to prove that there's nothing you can ever take away from me_…

That heartless bitch. He swallowed the rage that wanted to leap up inside him and made a show of flopping on the ground. "Don't worry about her," he said, his eyes closed against Shippou's glowering anger. "I saw her heading to the stream, said she needed a bath."

Rin had been listening quietly, wondering when either of them might notice her existence again. Everything was about Kagome, it was always about her. She sat up, rubbing her grubby hands together.

"A bath sounds like a good idea," she murmured.

Shippou spat at the smoldering fire. "Yeah, so this territory is so damn dangerous that you want to hide our scents, but you let her go off by herself? I don't believe you for a fucking minute."

"I don't care what you believe," Inuyasha growled, still lying prone on the ground with his eyes shut. "I ain't her fucking bodyguard, stupid."

At least Kagome had remembered to take back their belongings when she'd left the demon hunters, Rin thought as she rummaged in her small pack. Yes, this was good, she had remembered to pack soap and a comb for herself. The girl glanced up at Shippou, who was trying to start a fight and then back at Inuyasha, who was patently trying to avoid one.

"Someone needs to watch out for her," Shippou said, looking quite distressed at the idea of Kagome alone and naked in the forest. "She's not used to taking care of herself, if something attacks her…"

"Believe me, that woman ain't helpless," Inuyasha grunted, rolling over on his side. "She's tougher than you, runt."

Shippou bit back the angry insults that wanted to pour from his mouth and scowled at the forest. "I'm going to go after her," he said decisively. "Someone should be there if she needs us."

"Oh the fuck you are," Inuyasha snarled, sitting upright and glaring death at Shippou. "You're not that worried about her. You just want to spy on her, I bet. Gods, you're an obvious little fucker, you know that, Shippou?"

Rin sighed softly, getting to her feet. "Actually a bath sounds really good to me," she murmured. It wasn't like they'd hear her anyway.

"You think you're gonna stop me?" Shippou shouted, not backing down as Inuyasha got to his feet. "I'd like to see you fucking try!"

Inuyasha snorted, folding his arms over his chest while he looked at the fox with contempt. "Kid, it would be a waste of my time. Now be a good little brat and sit your ass back on the ground. If you're really so frightened for your precious priestess, I'll go fucking check on her myself."

"Like hell!"

"Oh you gonna stop me now?"

"Shut up, both of you!" Rin shouted, loudly enough to be heard all way back at Sesshomaru's fortress. They turned to stare at the girl, watching in dumb shock as she shouldered her pack and gave them both a look that could have melted stone.

"I'm going to go take a bath," she informed them. "When I see Kagome, I'll ask her which of you two assholes should come and check on her."

Inuyasha whistled softly as Rin stalked away. "Now what's her problem?" he asked, scratching his head. "That kid's been a bad mood since before we left."

Shippou flushed, looking at the ground. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew what was bothering Rin. She'd seen the way Inuyasha looked at Kagome, and it bothered her every bit as much as it bothered him when he saw Kagome looking back. But he wasn't going to tell the son of a bitch, hell no.

"Beats me," he muttered, forgetting their argument and sitting down upwind of the smoke. "Guess we're just fucking dense."

oOo

Rin was swearing softly to herself as she walked towards the stream. They were idiots, both of them, and she wasn't going to forgive them for it any time soon. Did they have any idea how stupid they looked, both of them drooling over the same woman? Especially Shippou, she would have thought he'd gotten the hint already. Kagome would never see him as anything other than the child he'd been and for him to keep staring after her with that look of longing just turned her stomach.

It had given her a painful perspective on how Inuyasha probably saw her. She sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she walked. No matter what she did, he wasn't going to see her as a woman. Or rather, he wasn't going to see her as a woman that he'd consider going to bed with. But she was comfortable with him, he was her friend and he'd…he'd listened to her when everyone else at home had just dismissed her as Sesshomaru-sama's little pet human.

She knew that most of the pureblooded demons saw her that way and there were probably a few of them that thought it to be highly inappropriate that she lived there at all. Of course, none would dare make a remark like that in Sesshomaru's hearing, not without risking bodily injury anyway. She was tolerated, she was indulged just the same, and while she'd gotten used to getting her own way most of the time because of it, and no one really seemed to see her.

Except for Inuyasha and she'd worshipped him for that. He didn't treat her with amused indulgence or taxed tolerance, he treated her like she was a real person in spite of her youth and he never talked down to her. They were both outsiders, they were both somewhat unacceptable. But over the past few years, Inuyasha had seemed to gain a place at his brother's side while Rin was just pushed back into a corner.

As she'd grown older, her feelings for him had changed, maybe because there was no one else in the fortress that she could even consider thinking of in that way. Inuyoukai males had grown wary of her as she'd matured, even if they'd thought she might be desirable there was no way in hell they'd approach her. She was a human, she was too young and she belonged to Sesshomaru-sama, even if he saw her as only his ward and under his protection.

Inuyasha wouldn't worry about something like that, but it didn't make any difference. It wasn't that she was human, or at least that wasn't all of it. To him, she'd always be a child and no matter how hard she'd tried to show him that she wasn't a child, he pushed her away just the same.

So it hurt like hell when she saw the way he looked at Kagome, with a dark desire almost burning in his eyes. And it pissed her off when she saw Shippou doing the same; only instead with a stupid lovesick want. He was such an idiot to follow the priestess around like that and Rin became more uncomfortable when she realized how everyone had probably thought just the same about her.

As she pushed her way through the forest, following a small and almost forgotten path, Rin considered that it wasn't even Kagome's fault to be at the center of this. She hadn't quite been able to put aside her jealousy, but at least she finally believed the woman's story. The priestess had looked so utterly lost and despairing when Inuyasha had pulled her out of the well, almost helpless with grief. Rin's kind heart went out to her, knowing how it felt to suddenly lose everything.

It was obvious to her from that moment that Kagome hadn't been lying. Not anymore than she'd been purposefully trying to steal away Inuyasha's affection.

Rin snorted to herself. As if she'd ever had his affection to be stolen from her.

She must be getting near the stream now as she could hear the sound of running water. Rin followed the sound until it grew louder and then stopped in surprise when she heard a raised voice.

"That sounds like Kagome," she murmured, pushing her way through the brush. She knelt on the ground, edging aside the thick leaves so that she could see what was going on. It was a strange enough site; the priestess was standing next to the stream, waving her fists in the air as if she were arguing vehemently with someone.

"I will not!" Kagome shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the empty side of the bank. "It's none of his business what happened! I'm not going to tell him about anything!"

"Who is she talking to?" Rin wondered aloud, seeing as Kagome's attention was focused on empty air. She watched as the priestess' shoulders sagged and a look of old grief passed over her face. Kagome rubbed her eyes, seemingly almost defeated, but Rin couldn't tell what the cause of such despair might be.

"I don't care," Kagome muttered, almost too low for Rin to overhear. "It was a mistake, one I can't let happen again. I don't think I can control myself…I know Inuyasha won't be able to fight it either…"

It was too much for her to keep quiet any longer. Rin stood up and pushed her way through the brush, leaves sticking out of her hair as she emerged. "Kagome," she called, anxiety coloring her tone. "Are you alright?"

The priestess looked startled, almost falling over and then glaring at Rin through a mop of wet hair. "Were you spying on me?" she demanded.

Rin stopped short; the tone in Kagome's voice was dangerous. "Um…" she said, guilt making her cheeks flush. "No, I wasn't spying…really. I came to find you, Inuyasha said that you were here and…"

"Oh he did?" Kagome spat, planting her hands on her hips and looking around. "Is he spying on me too? That's just sickening, I can't even take a bath without someone trying to watch over me."

Rin suddenly realized that Kagome was trying to distract her from the fact that she'd been holding a conversation with thin air. "Who were you talking to?" she blurted out.

Kagome paled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Pursing the matter, Rin stepped up to the edge of the water and looked around. "I swear I heard you talking, no, yelling at someone, Kagome. Did they leave? Was it someone who used to live in this village?"

The other woman turned away. "Rin," she said quietly, seeming to fight back some strong emotion. "If you were listening, did you hear anyone talking to me? I mean, did you hear another voice?"

Rin shook her head. "No, I…" She darted forward as Kagome sank to her knees. "You're not okay, I should get Inuyasha."

Kagome held up her hand. "No, he's the last person I want to see. I had just hoped that maybe…maybe you'd heard something and I'm not losing my fucking mind."

She was at a loss on how to respond. "So, you were talking to someone? I thought maybe, you know, you were just thinking out loud. I do that sometimes myself, especially when I'm confused. Sometimes it does help to yell and shout, just to get rid of the frustration. I can understand that, Kagome. It doesn't mean you're losing your mind…"

She was babbling now and Rin became acutely embarrassed as Kagome didn't answer, just kept staring down at her clenched fists. "Did…" she hesitated, "did you really think there was someone else here?"

"Of course not," Kagome murmured, almost to herself. "He's long since dead, how could it be him?"

Rin shook back her hair and took Kagome's arm, helping her to stand. "Never mind," she said blithely, thinking that now they had a crazy woman on their hands. "I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret, you don't have to explain."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Kagome asked, just the barest tinge of suspicion in her voice. "I thought you hated me."

Rin had the grace to blush. "I don't hate you," she confessed. "I was just angry…and jealous too. I'm sorry; I think I made things harder on you by acting like a selfish brat. I remember you from years ago, when you were always so kind to me."

Grinning, Kagome took her hand. "I thought you'd forgotten about that," she said, remembering the times when she'd encountered the little girl who followed Inuyasha's brother. "A lot of things happened, Rin. Bad things, you aren't the only one who blames me for it."

"What really did happen between you and Inuyasha?" Rin asked quietly. Now that she'd decided she didn't hate Kagome, she was extremely curious. The rumors had run the fortress for years, rumors that Kagome was the one who'd used the jewel, cursed Inuyasha to insanity and almost death. Growing up, it had been easy for her to believe, but this woman wasn't the evil priestess of those rumors. She was just a woman, a scared and hurt one at that.

"I don't know if I should tell you," Kagome muttered, pulling her hand out of Rin's. "You probably wouldn't believe me."

"Let me try," Rin pleaded. "I want to know the truth."

"I know," Kagome answered softly. "I think we all would like to…"

It came suddenly this time, a feeling of terror and rage, rustling like a poisoned wind in the trees, blowing across their faces like the smoke from a pyre. Kagome's eyes widened in realization as she saw Rin's face suddenly go pale with fright. She didn't hesitate after that; she grabbed the girl's hand in her own and pulled hard.

"Run," she hissed, "can't you feel it coming?"

It wasn't like before, it wasn't the overwhelming grief and pain that haunted her dreams. It wasn't a feeling of inconsolable agony, it wasn't the sensation of a soul that had been torn apart. This was pure fury, absolute hatred and lust for blood that Kagome could feel like hot breath on the back of her neck.

She dashed into the forest blindly, her hand so tight on Rin's that her fingers were numb.

oOo

"Son of a bitch!" Inuyasha shouted, surging to his feet. He spun around, staring off into the forest with a dawning horror in his eyes. Yeah, the burning leaves had covered their scent all right, but it had also masked what was writhing in the forest. His nose didn't detect anything unusual, but there was no mistaking the sudden panic that had clawed its way into his heart.

"What is it?" Shippou demanded as he got to his feet and followed Inuyasha's gaze. "Something coming?"

"They're in trouble," Inuyasha snarled. "Come on, you stupid fox!" Shippou didn't question him further, only set out at a run to keep up as the faster demon took the lead and plunged into the forest with panic riding his back like a monster.

He could only pray he'd make it to them in time.

oOo

"Keep up with me, Rin!" Kagome shouted as she ran. She didn't let loose of her death grip on the girl's hand, hauling her along by main force as they ran to escape the horde of demons. She'd gotten a good look and seen slavering jaws, mad crimson eyes. Again and again, she cursed herself for not being smart enough to have brought a bow, wishing that at least Rin had such presence of mind.

Was she stupid? What kind of priestess was she supposed to be that she would forget to bring along the only kind of weapon she could use? Rin didn't answer, stumbling blindly after her as they fought their way through the forest.

They weren't going to make it, she thought grimly, realizing that Inuyasha and Shippou were too far away to hear their screams. She turned suddenly, driving them forward in a new direction. Maybe they could make it to the river, not that it would save them. She could only hope the demons might lose their scent in the water if they threw themselves in.

She hoped to hell that Rin could swim…

She hoped the monsters couldn't smell their blood through the water. She hoped she didn't have to drown in order to escape being eaten alive.

They burst out of the forest at a dead run, Kagome panting as her legs pumped frantically. She had the advantage of adrenaline fueled by pure terror. Damn that ghost of a monk, he'd come all this way to warn her about something, but he'd never mentioned there might be a mass of demons about devour her!

"This way," she gasped, trying to lengthen her stride as she made for the river. Rin nodded, squeezing her hand and helping her along when Kagome might have stumbled. They might have run faster if they'd let go of each other, but Kagome was too terrified that the minute she let go, she'd hear Rin's scream as the bastards caught her and stand helpless and watching as the young girl was torn into pieces.

If they were about to die, they'd die together. Kagome had quite enough of surviving only to grieve for those that had not. The river was within sight, just down a low, sloping hill that nestled against its curve. They might have a chance here; she remembered the water was deep and the current swift.

She remembered that because she'd once jumped in to save a drowning child. Inuyasha, of course, had been more interested in the jewel and the demon bird that was trying to flee with it. At the time, she hadn't thought about what she was doing, just acted on pure instinct to save the little boy. And then she'd scolded Inuyasha like a harpy, honestly not comprehending how he could have not understood that the child's life had to be more important than any silly old sacred jewel.

Now she understood the nature of demons much better and also understood how very wrong she'd been to think that one of them would stoop to save a mere human life.

"Look out!" a harsh voice shouted right over their heads.

Rin screamed and dragged her to the ground, Kagome skidded face first in the dirt as something fast and strong went right over their heads. The women rolled over each other, finally coming to stop and lying prone on the soft grass. She heard Rin whimper fearfully and stared in shock as dozens of furry bodies hurtled over their heads.

Wolves? Here? _Wolves?_

She heard shouting then and rolled over on her belly to watch as human-like figures appeared from the far side of the forest, just in time to engage the multitude of monsters that was tearing towards the river. The wolves surged like furry tide, attacking the monsters and tearing into them with sharp teeth. Dimly, Kagome realized that Rin was still crying softly, her hands over her eyes as if the sight of the beasts had frightened the life out of her.

"Shhh," she said, putting her arms around the shaking girl. "You're okay, we're okay." She kept watching as the wolf youkai joined their animal companions, mopping up the carnage with a brisk efficiency. There were only a few of the human looking ones, she thought, noticing how they seemed to be directing the wolves in what was becoming a one-sided battle.

"Good job, boys," a deep voice called out. Kagome raised her face from the ground in time to see a pair of legs come to stand in front of her. "You women got lucky," he said as she stared at a bare knee. "We've been tracking that mob since it crossed our border, never thought they'd find humans to make a meal of in these parts."

She sat up, one hand still resting protectively on Rin's hair. "Kouga?" she whispered, afraid to even wonder about the coincidence of meeting him here.

"You know me?" The dark haired wolf youkai cocked his head to the side and for a long, fear-drenched second, Kagome replayed her first meeting with Inuyasha and wondered what she'd do if yet another person didn't remember her.

"Hey, how do you know my…" Kouga stopped, staring down at the woman as his eyes went wide. "No…it can't be. Fuck! Kagome, it can't be you!"

Timidly, she nodded and was suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of strong hands. The wolf demon set her on her feet, still looking right into her face as if he couldn't believe what his own eyes told him. Then he moved closer to her and sniffed hard before giving a joyful shout.

"I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me!" the wolf crowed happily. "It's really Kagome, I don't fucking believe it." He swung her around and grinned down at her. "What the hell are you doing out here by yourself?"

Foolishly, she blushed and ducked away, remembering the way he'd always held her hands. "Trying not to get eaten," she said ruefully. He blinked at her as if that answer couldn't possibly explain everything and then he frowned.

Wearily, she sighed and tried to smile. "There's more to it than that. Shippou can tell you, right now I'm just trying to get it through my head that I'm still alive."

"Shippou?" he said, comprehension dawning on his face. "So that's where the little shit has been. I've been looking all over hell for that kid. Just goes off and does whatever he wants, doesn't say a fucking word to me and then…"

He broke off, seeing as how Kagome was having a hard time holding back a grin. "What's so damn funny?"

"Nothing," she said, starting to laugh. His expression lightened at the sound of her laughter and Kouga put her hands on her shoulders.

"Damn, I sounded just like my old man," he said with a chuckle. "Now I know what I must have put him through."

"I should thank you," Kagome said with a shy smile. "Taking care of Shippou like that, I never would have expected it."

He blushed, grinning at her praise. "It seemed the least I could do," he said. "I couldn't just leave the runt to make his own way after all you did for me."

Kagome was startled when Kouga pulled her into a rough embrace. "I know what happened," he whispered in her ear. "Gods, I'm so sorry, Kagome."

"It's okay," she said, hugging him tightly. "It's good to see you, Kouga-kun."

He pushed her back to grin down at her. "So, what the hell are you doing here now?" he asked. "Shippou told me about the well."

"Well," she began. "It's the strangest thing, but…"

Her words were cut off when she was suddenly torn away from Kouga by a violent hand. Kagome was flung back, landing hard on her ass and had to duck as a blur of red swept in front of her.

"Get your damn hands off of her!"

"Inuyasha, no!" she screamed as the inuyoukai launched himself at the wolf. Caught completely off guard, Kouga struggled as an enraged Inuyasha buried sharp claws in his throat and lifted him off the ground.

"Give me a reason not to kill you, bastard," he snarled, his eyes flashing with crimson fire. "Just give me a fucking reason!"


	25. TwentyFive

_**Possession 25**_

In retrospect, she thought it was possibly the worst thing she could have said.

They were tearing each other apart, moving so fast she could hardly see them and she held her breath, expecting bloodshed any moment. Kagome winced and covered her eyes when Inuyasha landed a particularly nasty uppercut to Kouga's jaw. The wolf recovered as if he'd barely felt the blow, but she didn't miss the thin trickle of blood on his chin or the way his eyes glinted in anger.

"You damn mutt," Kouga growled, circling around the angry inuyoukai. "I shoulda known you were somewhere around here. Come back to visit your old territory? Since when are you that sentimental?"

"Fuck you," Inuyasha answered softly, his expression dark and deadly. "What's a mangy wolf like you doing this far south? You're way outside your borders, Kouga. I'm thinking it's no coincidence that we're both here at the same time."

Kouga dodged a fist and managed to land a hard punch to the back of Inuyasha's head. Snarling, the inuyoukai recovered quickly and raked his claws down the back of the wolf's leg. They both backed off, glaring and breathing hard.

"Stop it, you idiots!" Kagome cried, afraid that this would be the time she'd see them really hurt each other.

"I'll ask you again," Inuyasha hissed softly. "Why were you after her?"

Kouga threw the woman a startled look and then folded his arms over his chest. "I didn't even know Kagome was here," he said, his tone quiet. "I was looking for Shippou. We started tracking that swarm a few miles back and followed them here."

"You expect me to believe you just happened to be here looking for your brat?" Inuyasha sneered. He glanced over his shoulder and gave Shippou an ugly look. Then he smiled and showed sharp fangs. "Shoulda known that little punk was here under your orders."

Shippou growled angrily. "That's not true!" He surged forward, aching to defend his foster father and show Inuyasha that he wasn't just a brat anymore. Rin dove for his arm just as he moved, wrenching him back as the slight girl dug her feet into the soft ground.

"Don't," she whispered, her expression more frightened than he'd seen it even in the youkai hunters' village. "It's what he wants you to do."

Silently, Kagome agreed with Rin's assessment. There was a mean look in Inuyasha's eyes, a decided dislike of Kouga that was probably so ingrained it didn't matter that he couldn't remember his history with the wolf. She'd known back then that these two wouldn't ever be friends. They had barely been able to tolerate each other's company even for the mutual purpose of destroying Naraku. She watched as the two adversaries circled warily, like pit hounds set against each other in a fight.

This wouldn't end until one of them was dead, or so close to death it was irrelevant.

She couldn't let it happen, she would not again stay passive while Inuyasha hurt someone. Angry now, she rushed forward until she stood between them, and narrowly missed getting a fist in her own face when Inuyasha swung at Kouga. The wolf was just fast enough that he grabbed her and spun her out of way, catching the full force of the blow that had been intended for him. Kouga staggered back and fell to his knees, stunned and bleeding.

"Damn it, bitch! Get out of the way!"

Kagome crouched protectively over Kouga, preventing Inuyasha from moving in for an easy kill. "Leave him alone!" she shouted, her eyes glinting with fury. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

Seething, he pulled back, glaring at her with pure hatred. "Why are you protecting him?" he asked, his voice hardly more than a hiss. "Don't tell me that mangy piece of shit means something to you!"

Her jaw tightened and she glowered back at him without a trace of fear. "He's my friend," she said coldly. "Of course he means something to me!"

"Kagome, don't," Kouga muttered, putting his hand on her arm and slowly getting to his feet. Stupid mutt had a punch all right, but he wasn't such a weakling that he needed to hide behind a woman. He met Inuyasha's furious glare with bitter amusement. "This fight's been a long time coming."

She tensed and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Not this time, Kouga. I can't just watch you two tear each other apart. Not again."

Inuyasha spat on the ground, pacing around like he could barely control himself. Kouga was an annoyance, always had been in his opinion. He didn't know why Sesshomaru had ever agreed to any kind of alliance with a useless pack of wolves. As much as he disliked the stupid ass, he'd never felt so angry as he had when he'd seen Kouga's hands on that woman. It set off a burning rage in his heart and a sick, hurt feeling that he'd come to associate with jealousy.

But he wasn't going to admit that, oh hell no. Grinning nastily, he folded his arms and gave her a disgusted look. She'd rejected him, hadn't she? But she claimed to care about this fool who had no business being here in the first place. If she weren't involved, he'd have been satisfied to let the wolf off with a beating or maybe just trading insults before going their separate ways. Now, it was serious and he was going to make sure she knew what she was doing in siding with such a useless bastard.

"Just a friend, eh?" he sneered contemptuously. "Hell, if I'd known you were some wolf cub's whore, I wouldn't have bothered saving your ass in the forest that day."

The color drained from Kagome's face and her hands curled into fists. He'd called her a whore, but after last night, what else could she be? She saw anger and jealousy glittering in his golden eyes, the hard twist of his lips, and she shuddered inwardly. She'd hurt him this morning, rejected him, and now she stood between him and an enemy.

Unwittingly, she'd just proved to him everything she'd told him.

"Inuyasha," she murmured, her hands uncurling and her arms limp at her side as she turned away.

"Save it," he snarled, his face lighting again in fury.

Kagome gasped as she suddenly thrown to the side by a furious Kouga. Without a trace of fear, he grabbed a fistful of Inuyasha's haori. "Mutt," the wolf growled dangerously, "you haven't earned the right to insult Kagome. Not after what you've done to her!"

To his surprise, Inuyasha paled slightly. Then he flushed…it looked like shame. Roughly, he shoved Kouga's hands away and refused to meet his eyes. "I don't remember anything about it," he muttered.

"And that makes it okay?" Kouga hissed. He'd been waiting years to confront Inuyasha, years of anger and guilt that he hadn't been there to stop it. To hell with Sesshomaru's order that his brother be told nothing, to hell with letting the miserable bastard live in ignorance, unaware and unpunished for the crimes he had committed in the past.

Inuyasha turned his back on the angry wolf, already lost in regret for what he couldn't remember. Maybe somewhere in his dark past, the wolf had been her friend, wouldn't that make his anger justified? He should leave now, get the fuck out of here where he didn't belong, wasn't needed. Wasn't wanted.

"No, it doesn't make it okay," the white-haired demon said quietly. "And there's nothing I can do about it either. So just fucking drop it."

Drop it? The hell. Kouga's face darkened, his hands tightening into fists. The mutt had destroyed the lives of everyone around him for his own selfish power and now he wanted to drop it? Years of anger built up in his muscles, fueled his hatred and banished the good sense that time and necessity had created.

"You…fucking…bastard!" he shouted, launching himself at Inuyasha. He dragged his enemy to the ground, pounding him with both fists as he spent his anger.

"Kouga, no!" Kagome shrieked, ready to throw herself at the wolf to stop him. She dove forward and was yanked back, both of her arms clamped to her sides. Angrily, she struggled and fought, tearing at Shippou's hands as he tried to restrain her. Then she sagged, useless tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes.

Inuyasha moved quickly, hooking his legs around Kouga, blood covering his face from the wolf's savage blows. Twisting, quicksilver and crimson, he felt the rage consuming him again. _Revenge, yes, at last revenge. Make him pay, make him hurt, make him wish that he'd never set eyes on that lying bitch_.

He flung the wolf down; barely using his strength in this heightened state and slammed Kouga's head into the dirt repeatedly. Yes, this was what he was made for, anger and vengeance. Her panicked voice set off a maelstrom of fury that ate at his soul, fired his blood with incandescent power. Inuyasha licked his lips, tasting his own blood and found himself reveling in it.

**Your enemy's blood will taste even sweeter**…

Kouga was barely conscious now; he could feel the fight leaving his opponent's muscles, slackened and weak. _So much weaker than me_, he exulted silently.

"Do something!" Kagome frantically appealed to Kouga's youkai companions, until now standing silently. She could almost feel their fury, it was like a palpable wave, coating the air and swirling around them to mix with Inuyasha's bloodlust. This had to stop, she couldn't…she couldn't live with it if she had to watch Inuyasha slaughter her friend.

"They can't," Shippou murmured, still holding her tight. "He'll kill them all."

One of the wolf demons heard his soft words and shook his head, coming to stand near the kitsune and the two human women. "No," he said quietly. "We aren't afraid, but Kouga has forbidden it."

"Where's your loyalty?" she raged, unable to look away as Inuyasha continued to ram Kouga's bloody face into the earth. The grass was splattered with red, obscenely vivid against the lush grass.

"Loyalty from wolves?" Kagome met Inuyasha's gaze with horrified eyes. He grinned at her, wiping his fingers on Kouga's back. He looked down at his defeated enemy; the stupid bastard wouldn't dare attack him from behind again. But it wasn't going to be enough. An honorable youkai would have left it at that, left the humiliation of defeat to be the final blow, but it wasn't enough for him.

No, he wasn't honorable, deep in his heart he wanted to hear her beg him for this bastard's life.

Watching her face, he dug his fingers into Kouga's long hair and pulled the wolf's face up. He touched his tongue to the tips of his own sharp claws before putting them to Kouga's throat. "I've been waiting a long time to let this piece of shit have it," he said coldly.

"Don't do it," Kagome said pleadingly. "Inuyasha, he's…"

"Your friend?" he snarled, his eyes glittering like sun-stained glass. "A former lover? Did you fuck him too?"

Her eyes went wide in disbelief. That was what it was about? He was jealous, he didn't even remember Kouga, but he was still jealous that she might have…

"You got it wrong," she said in hard voice, shoving Shippou's hands from her arms. Her fear evaporated and she met him head on with her anger. "You stupid prick, even if I had slept with him it's not your goddamn business!"

"Then you won't care if I tear his throat out, will you?" he growled. He leaned over Kouga's prone form, digging in with his claws. "Let's see how long I can make it last before you start telling me the truth."

"Inuyasha! Sit!"

The words tore from her throat and fell like shards of glass into the silence. All she could hear was her blood pulsing in her ears, the faint stir of the wind in the trees. The moment was etched in ice, glazed with a hundred memories that all crashed through her mind.

The first time she'd said it, with him hot on her heels and threatening her.

The last time she'd said it, several weeks before Miroku and Sango had died.

Angry moments, bitter ones. Sometimes funny when the hanyou she'd fallen in love with again acted like an ass, impulsively chasing Shippou for the last package of ramen. Sometimes she'd said it when his big mouth had gotten ahead of him by saying something so stupid or thoughtless that she'd use the rosary just to shut him up.

The first time his youkai blood had overwhelmed him and she'd sat him to break the spell, knowing that it wouldn't work a second time…

_Oh god…what have I done?_

His muscles had tensed, turning to stone under his skin. He wasn't sure what he was bracing himself for, something that wasn't coming. It was as if an invisible line had been drawn tight around his body, expectant that he was about to surrender control of his limbs and go crashing down. He found he was breathing hard, darkness swimming in his mind, a thick fog that just cleared briefly, just enough to show him a tantalizing piece of his past, undated and out of context.

_A girl stood before him, fear in her eyes as a glowing string wound tight about his throat. Rough beads under his fingers, trying to pull it off, feeling the power, her power, pulsing in his hand before she spoke the word_…

Inuyasha stood up slowly, his limbs still not quite believing that he was the one who controlled them. The memory faded away and darkened, leaving him mystified once again. The woman raised her hands to her mouth, her eyes wide and horrified as she stared at him, expecting the monster to surge from his skin and devour her.

_I did that, _he thought miserably_. I made her afraid of me_.

So afraid that she'd screamed out a command, a desperate grab for control. He glanced down as Kouga coughed, slowly pulling himself up and wiping at the blood and dirt on his face. Inuyasha felt his heart contract into a tight ball, realizing that he'd been about to torture the wolf to death. Just to hear that woman cry and beg for his life. Just to push back the feeling of being rejected, of feeling unwanted, _filthy_…like a _hanyou_.

"Inuyasha," she whispered. "I didn't mean to…"

"Shut up!" he shouted, hating himself more than the sight of her, than the sight on his loss of control. He felt like he'd shamed himself. She'd shamed him too, called to him like a dog, a miserable, homeless cur that had been kicked away from the back doors and gates of his youth. He was shaking. He looked around and saw hatred in the wolves' eyes, disgust in Shippou's. Rin's face was pale as a ghost, her expression still charred with horror.

Kagome took a step forward, cautious of the emotions moving rapidly across his face. What was he thinking? Worse, what was he remembering? She held her breath, strangely eager to know. Would Inuyasha's mind dissolve into blistering madness if he remembered his past? Would he recall his viciousness, his cruelty? The long, wild nights when he'd claimed her body and her soul…

Or would he remember only that she'd left him?

Inuyasha shook his head; it felt like it was going to split in two. Angry with himself for being weak enough to lose it like that, and yes, angry with her too, he knew he had to get away from her. Something was in his head, something that didn't want him to remember, it only wanted control. It wanted him to kill the wolf and his comrades, that bratty kitsune and even the young girl who thought that he was her friend.

Then it wanted him to take that priestess, rape her in front of their corpses until she was as dead as his once half-human soul.

"I gotta go," he muttered, turning away. He needed to get a fucking grip on himself or he'd go crazy from this pain.

"Inuyasha!" Rin started to run after him but he threw up his hands as if he was warding off evil instead of help.

"Just stay away," he barked, harsher than he needed, but he was scared it wouldn't be safe even for her to stay at his side. His expression softened slightly at her stricken look, the fear and worry in her eyes. "I'll come back for you," he said quietly, remembering he did have an obligation to take her home. "Just stay with them for now, Rin. Don't follow me."

Shivering, she nodded once and her shoulders slumped. He didn't look back to see Kagome put her arms around the girl and hold her tightly. He didn't see the way she closed her eyes, her expression as taut and worn as the ghosts that held sway over his damaged mind.

oOo

They hadn't seen Inuyasha for two days and Kagome tried not to let it bother her. Having no other options, she and Rin had decided to follow Kouga and Shippou back to the wolf youkai camp. As Kouga explained along the way, marauding demons had been a real problem lately. Shippou had offered to stay with them if Kagome really didn't want to leave the old village, but she'd shrugged and looked around for a moment, remembering happier days.

"I've had enough of ghosts," she said quietly. "Let's keep moving."

It was probably safer for them to stay with Kouga and the wolves, she reflected as they walked back. The wolves ran ahead, scouting, Kouga told them. Twice they'd had to take a different route because the wolves were uneasy, thinking that something might be tracking them in the wilderness.

"Better safe than sorry," he said with a wry grin.

"Since when are you cautious?" Kagome asked, grinning herself in spite of her glum mood. "That's not the Kouga I remember."

The wolf demon laughed at that. "Well," he said ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've got responsibilities now. Like raising that damn runt of yours."

"I'm not a runt anymore," Shippou growled playfully. They had to stop as the kitsune launched himself at his adoptive parent, both of them falling to the ground and tussling briefly before Shippou got up, bouncing almost, and taunted him.

"Getting slow, old man?"

Hardly old in youkai terms, Kouga just snorted. "I didn't want to embarrass you in front of Kagome and Rin."

"Don't hold back on our account," Rin said merrily. Shippou turned to smile at her and Kagome started a bit, seeing his pleasure in Rin's easy tone. She'd been scared half to death when she'd first seen the wolves, but now she was watching them less warily. Then again, Kagome reflected, demons wouldn't frighten the girl as she'd been raised among inuyoukai.

It wasn't the youkai that bothered Rin; it was their animal companions. One of them, an older male, came over to sniff at the young woman's feet and she cautiously reached out to touch his ears, smiling when the wolf growled softly in pleasure.

"He likes you," Shippou commented with a smile. "They don't normally take to humans."

He was surprised when she pulled her hand back and tucked it behind her. "I know," she said softly. "They don't like us at all."

"They don't have much reason to," Kouga answered. Kagome glanced over at him and he shrugged. "Humans chase wolves away from their farms, kill them on sight. But it's been a long time since I've allowed any of mine to hurt humans."

"And before that?" Rin asked, suddenly fierce. "You let them eat humans, adults and children!"

"Of course." Kouga seemed entirely unrepentant. "It used to be our way. Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten. If you were raised by the dogs, you should know that."

Shippou shuddered; the idea of eating humans was disgusting to him. Not just because he had human friends, but because other youkai that would eat human flesh, also would have hunted small demons like kitsune for sport.

And eaten their flesh as well.

He started when Rin's hand tucked into his. "I wasn't saying you'd do anything like that," she murmured. He grinned and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Without Inuyasha around, he'd found that he enjoyed Rin's company.

"I know that," he said.

Kagome watched them, feeling a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. It was nice to see them like this, untainted by anger or jealousy. It made her wistful for the days when she could laugh like Rin, or joke like Shippou. Her eyes clouded over, remembering the girl she had been and the innocence that she had always taken for granted.

"Such a sad look." She glanced up and saw Kouga watching her. Grimly, she smiled and shook off her ghosts.

"Just thinking," she answered, "about the past."

Kouga chuckled. "I haven't got time to live in the past," he said with a grin. "I'm still trying to figure out why you're here."

Kagome opened her mouth to explain, but Kouga waved her silent. "Already heard about it from Shippou," he said in his usual blunt way. Kouga shrugged and gave her sideways glance. "I didn't believe him at first, about this future of yours. But there was always something about you, Kagome. Something I couldn't figure out."

"I never told you about it because I didn't know how," she murmured. A girl falling through a well into the past, into the future, and back again? She wouldn't have blamed him for not believing her. There were times she'd hardly believed it herself, expecting one day the final fall would be the last. And then it had been, for more than ten years, and she'd put the past behind her like a woman who had never believed in fairy tales.

"And now you're back, Kagome. And so is he." Kouga planted his hands on his hips and looked out over the rolling green land, hollows and dells that he knew better than he knew the back of his own hand. They had entered what he thought of as his home territory, following the river back to its source. It was this place they'd chosen to make their home, a small network of caves hidden behind a waterfall.

"There," Kouga said, pointing towards the falls. "After Naraku was defeated, a lot of wolves came out of hiding. Some had gone into the mountains, others had just scattered. For some reason, they came looking for me."

"He pretending to be modest," Shippou called out, coming up behind them as they left the bend of the river to walk across the grassy plain. "They needed someone to lead them, they didn't have anyone else who could have done it."

Kouga flushed. "It was just that we still had some fighters left," he said grumpily, not quite looking Kagome in the eye. "It wasn't like I asked for all the women and children to come here. I got better things to do than look after a bunch of brats like you!"

Rin giggled as Shippou raced around them, keeping just out of Kouga's reach. "That's not the way I remember it, I remember it being more like you wanted to protect them. Isn't that why you had them come here?"

His face even redder under their scrutiny, Kouga walked faster, brushing Shippou to the side. "I couldn't just turn them away, women with pups too young to fight, old geezers that didn't even have fangs. Couldn't just let 'em all starve…"

Kagome hid a smile and Shippou winked, nudging her with his elbow. "He sent men out to find them," he said in a loud whisper. "Told them if they came to him, he'd protect them. All the wolf demons came, they'd heard about Kouga the hero and…"

"Shut up, I ain't no hero!"

Shippou let a wicked smile cross his face before carefully schooling his features into a thoughtful expression. "That's true," he said soberly. "You were always best at running."

"You little punk!"

Kagome grinned helplessly, amused at Kouga's denial of being a hero. He had been very fast at running away, but he'd never been a coward either. Retreat and live to fight another day had been his motto, but he'd always come to their aid when they'd needed him. Particularly at the end, when he'd thrown himself against Naraku's minions in a desperate battle, losing his shards and nearly his life.

Laughing, Shippou raced ahead of them, heading for the caves and the youkai that were starting to come out to greet them. "You're right, Kouga!" he shouted happily. "They came to follow Ayame, not you!"

Kagome stopped, seeing a red-haired woman coming out of the cave. With a faint smile, she turned and looked at Kouga. "Ayame?" she asked, a teasing note in her voice.

The wolf grinned back at her. "Yeah, it's Ayame. My wife."

oOo

Natsu was tired; he'd been following the priestess and her companions since they'd left the ruined village. He wasn't at all happy about it either. If anyone other than the boss himself had asked him to do this, he'd have told them right where they could go. But there'd been no mistaking his boss in his anger over what had happened. Gingerly, he reached up and felt the bridge of his cracked nose.

Wasn't his humiliation enough of a punishment?

He guessed not. Sighing, he sat down and fumbled in his pack for a piece of dried fish and some water. Somehow the boss had known what was going to happen, known that the women would be attacked by that horde, just like he'd predicted that there'd be a pack of wolves hot on their trail. He grunted to himself, wishing his orders had been more along the lines of putting a few arrows into the mangy bastards.

The boss had been explicit. He was not to exceed his orders ever again. Natsu shuddered a bit, thinking of the man's fury when he'd found out that they'd actually captured Inuyasha and let him get away. The brother of the Western lord, leader of the inuyoukai, and he'd let him slip through his fingers.

Of course, the boss hadn't been too happy when he'd found out the whole story either.

Damn that old woman, the boss listened to her like he didn't listen to anyone else. It wasn't just because she was a priestess either; she said she'd known that Inuyasha before he'd become a full demon. Personally, Natsu thought that was worse. Hanyou shouldn't be tolerated and he'd pretty much said so in front of the boss.

He rubbed his jaw, not understanding why he'd been hit, but he knew better than to say anything else. The boss had an unpredictable temper and that was when he'd been ordered to track the demon in the forest, find them, and keep watch until he was told otherwise. He wondered if the boss had known the inuyoukai would leave his women behind, or that they'd take off with the wolf demon and the kitsune instead of waiting for his return.

"Damn bastards," he grumbled to himself, chewing carefully. His nose was still swollen and his jaw ached from the boss' punch. It seemed like a man couldn't win these days.

"Natsu."

He started and got to his feet, looking around the woods. "Boss?" he asked carefully. "I was just resting, I wasn't going to leave or nothing."

"I know." A slim figure stepped out of the forest, dark against the shadows and moving as quietly as a ghost. "We followed the trail you left. I expected they'd come here."

A few other men followed the boss, looking around them suspiciously as if Natsu might be concealing a stray demon or two. He stiffened, realizing these men were more than just youkai hunters from another village, they were the boss' elite guard, highly trained and dedicated to the ultimate goal of slaughtering every youkai alive. These were the men the boss would send out when he wanted something done right…and no witnesses to tell the tale.

As for the boss himself, well, Natsu was happier when they didn't have to meet. He followed the man, believed in his ideas, but there was something…different about him. He had five and thirty summers and he'd worked long hours on his father's farm before the youkai had come. He wasn't a man to take orders from someone more than ten years younger than him.

Even though he was the deadliest hunter of them all. They said that his face was scarred from a terrible battle with a hundred demons; they said that battle was where the young man had lost his left eye. A black patch covered that eye socket…Natsu had no idea what was under it, but the scars on the young man's face were reason enough to not want to know. And know better than ask.

"We will wait," the boss said quietly, sinking down to the ground. Behind the scars that distorted the side of his face, his expression was stoic, placid. "When they move, so will we."

Natsu only hoped it would be soon.

oOo

Okay, so he was an idiot. What else was new?

Inuyasha grunted to himself, annoyed with his own stupidity. What an ass he'd made of himself this time, totally out of control and acting like a beast. No, lower than a beast, he had been acting like a monster, a foul demon that humans had every right to fear and to hunt.

He went off into the forest and looked for the tallest tree he could find. Ever since his childhood, he'd always sought out some high place of solitude to think. Not that he was thinking now, he was brooding and he knew it. He scowled to himself, remembering the instant fury he'd felt when he'd seen that damn wolf touching her.

Bastard, this was all Kouga's fault. Miserable, stinking…

_He's my friend! Of course he means something to me!_

Inuyasha shrank into himself when he remembered her words, pulling his haori tight about his body and wrapping his arms around the pain in his middle. Why did she have such power to hurt him? Was it because he'd been the one to hurt her first? He couldn't argue with the fairness of that, if it was true.

The hell it wasn't true, he snorted to himself. Even the damn wolf had known about it, hated him for it before he'd even known why. And, he realized uncomfortably, that meant Sesshomaru had known about it too. And still sent him out with that woman, knowing what it might mean. Knowing what his half-crazy younger brother was capable of.

_I'm a rapist, I'm a murderer, and I don't fucking remember it!_

And yet, just last night, she'd let him touch her. She'd touched him too, shoving him to the ground and riding him like a woman consumed. He felt himself stir just thinking about it and brutally pushed the desire away. She'd had her own reasons for what she'd done, maybe just to prove to him that whatever he'd done to her in the past, she wouldn't let him do it again.

_Maybe to make him feel small…used…worthless_…

Sitting in his tree, hiding from his past, he felt the wind stir his hair. The sun was setting and over the horizon, the golden-red sky was fading into deep violet shadows. Across the forest, he could see the trees rustling, speaking to each other perhaps about this strange, tormented creature in their midst. Did they pity him? Or were they more like his brother, aloof and unconcerned, never to be touched by regret or remorse, only the cold, analytical logic of natural selection.

_Your hanyou blood was too weak to hold our father's power_…

Inuyasha snarled and launched himself from the branch. For a moment, he let himself fall, surrendering to the laws of gravity. Then, without thinking, his feet touched the next branch and he was flying across the treetops, a crimson blur against the dying sunset.

_I am not weak!_

The bastards wouldn't stop him, his own past wouldn't hold him, whatever crimes he had committed…if he couldn't atone for them, he could still die fighting.

_Against what?_

Whatever they had!

By the time he was able to stop himself, he realized he was heading into the wolves' territory. No surprise there, he was drawn to her. Like a spider on a single thread, it was pulling him in. He was compelled…not like a beast, not like a common monster…

Like a youkai, like what he had always aspired to become.

Panting, he dropped to the forest floor, forcing himself to slow down. Damn it all, why did he let himself lose control like that? It wasn't about that fucking wolf, it was about her, and it was about him. He'd been jealous at first, but once the door had opened, he'd been unable to see beyond his fury. Then…he'd wanted to hurt her. More than anything, he'd wanted to hear her crying, make the arrogant priestess pay…

For what? Inuyasha raged silently to himself, daring the voices in his mind to speak up and answer. What did she do to bring out that kind of hatred inside him, hatred that didn't even seem to belong to him? Not for the first time, he questioned himself, the presence in the back of his mind that seemed to both protect him and drive him into ruin.

He closed his eyes, leaning against the rough bark of a tree and concentrated. Usually when he'd try to remember, it only brought him pain. He wasn't trying to remember now; he was trying to find…them. He was sure there was more than one, too many voices, too many separate pieces of anger. Shivering, suddenly cold in the darkened forest, he pursued.

_Whirling vortexes of power, clashing and uniting. Many became as one, one made up of many. The warrior-priestess forced them into the darkness, made her own body the trap, her pure soul the seal that held them_…

He gasped, sudden pain shooting outwards from his heart to his fingertips. Without realizing it, he clung to the tree, his claws rending the gnarled bark and shredding it like a woman's skin.

_Trapped_, they screamed in pain, they screamed in fury. _She had trapped them, lying bitch, she had made herself the bait they couldn't resist. So easy to move in for the kill, to combine and unite into one. She fought like a madwoman, but then_…

Inuyasha fell to his knees, trembling and eyes wide now, seeing the memory that didn't belong to him still vivid in his mind. The priestess wasn't the same woman, but he knew, he knew that they didn't care. They still wanted revenge.

He should put as much distance between himself and that woman as possible. Hope the bastard wolf and brat kitsune could protect her, he sure as hell couldn't trust himself. Grimly, Inuyasha swore to himself that he wouldn't let it happen again. He was no fit protector or lover for that woman.

_Not for any woman_…

Then the wind died and stillness reigned, passing over him like a deathly shroud. Instincts that he'd been born with trembled, his heartbeat accelerating until it became a frantic rhythm against his ribcage, straining for escape. Panic rooted him to where he stood, cold fear trickled down his back and pooled in his armpits.

_Shit! Not again, not now!_

Unable to move, he stared up at the sky. Against violet-darkness of dusk, something was growing. The overwhelming fear, the grief, held him frozen in place, unchecked tears streaking his face. A glowing mass coalesced just beyond the forest, rising slowly, like an unwilling phantom dragged from the grave. He watched, hardly breathing as it gathered into a bright ball and then shot across the sky with an unearthly cry.

Inuyasha stood quite still, not sure if he believed what he'd seen. It was stronger now, in pain, and more desperate than before. When they'd felt in the forest, it had been so oppressive that he hadn't been able to think. This time, it was sharper, fighting for escape.

_A human soul…trapped within a seething mass of demons_…

And it was heading towards where Kagome and Rin were, with the wolf youkai that lived beside waterfall were, out there beyond his reach.

Inuyasha broke into a run. He had to try and stop it.


	26. TwentySix

_**Possession 26**_

It was the strangest thing, to be dreaming and know that it was a dream. Usually her nightmares took the form of such intense images that she felt the terror, felt the danger and fury stronger than she would have if she'd been awake. Waking from a nightmare, she could expect her heart to be pounding, sweat pooling sticky and clammy between her breasts and her muscles tight with escape.

Not this time, this was something entirely different.

Kagome found herself standing on a windswept hill, looking over a battlefield. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of bodies spread across the land in a gory carpet. It seemed the battle had been over for some time and she mused that it was a good thing she hadn't been here to see it.

She felt no fear, nothing at all, only the peaceful sensation of calm. Like a thunderstorm had passed, wreaking damage upon the earth, but here she stood, untouched. Lifting her face, she felt a cool wind touch her cheeks and could almost taste the coming storm.

It was at that moment she realized that she was dreaming, because she suddenly regretted the fact that she didn't have an umbrella.

Smiling faintly, she looked down at the grass between her bare toes. No shoes either, but she still felt this blissful ease in her heart. Nothing mattered, not Inuyasha, not anything at…

A cool mist was floating around her bare knees and Kagome frowned slightly in confusion. Her palm brushed over the short green skirt and she reached up to finger her red school tie.

_What the hell_, she thought, _I haven't worn this in years. Why now?_

There was movement at the edge of her vision and Kagome jumped, turning to face the people she hadn't realized were also standing on the hill. She swallowed nervously, her pulse beating a slow tempo in her ears. They didn't see her, didn't acknowledge her presence and she held her breath, waiting as they approached each other.

_Youkai_…

At least two of them were, she was sure of it. They were beautiful to look at, bright armor, flowing silk and fur. They made the two humans facing them look smaller, dirty and tired, merely mortal in the face of youkai immortality. Surprisingly, the humans didn't seem intimidated by such display of power.

The man stepped forward, his stance aggressive as his hand dropped to the sickle-shaped blade at his side. Kagome frowned, strangely calm inside her dream, recognizing the style of the weapon.

_Kohaku used to carry a blade like that_…

"We have kept our side of the bargain," the man said, his voice bitter. "Now you will keep yours and leave."

"As agreed, exterminator," one of the youkai answered. Kagome's eyebrows rose in surprise, the voice was low, soft and melodic, but somehow filled with a resonant strength. She hadn't realized it was a woman until she'd spoken, but now there was no doubt. "Our soldiers are weary from battle, we will be glad to return to the West."

Kagome found herself staring at the youkai, something triggering inside her mind at the sight of them. The woman's face was gentle, the kind of heart-stopping beauty that made her seem ethereal in spite of her armor and weapons. Her gaze drew to the male, who seemed to be holding his anger in check. His golden eyes were fierce, jagged blue markings graced his face and snow-white hair spilled over his shoulders.

_It can't be_…

The human woman moved forward, wiping her face as she smiled wearily at the youkai. "Inu no Taishou," she said formally, bowing to the fierce-looking lord. "We are grateful for your assistance today."

The youkai made a harsh movement with his armored fist. "I don't need the gratitude of a human, bitch," he said, his voice thick with contempt. "Especially not a filthy shrine maiden."

Kagome took a step backwards at the hatred in his voice, but the human male took an angry step forward. "Bastard," he spat, his fingers tightening around his weapon. "Don't you dare insult her!"

"Maketo," the woman said quickly, putting her hand on his arm. "Not now, they have reason to hate me. Put aside your anger, this truce is too important."

"Not to me," the demon lord growled. His hand dropped to battered-looking hilt of a sword as he smiled grimly at the angry human. "We can settle our insults now, if you wish."

The youkai woman raised her hand, quelling them both with an easy grace. "Husband," she said, her voice softly chiding him. "Enough blood has been shed by humans and youkai this day."

Kagome stood quietly, confused as the exterminator and the Inu no Taishou glowered at each other_. If that's really Inuyasha's father, why does he hate humans? I thought that he had protected humans, not that_…

"It is time for us to part," the woman said quietly, her hand still on Maketo's arm. "If not as friends, then at least no longer as enemies."

She shivered at the look in Maketo's eyes, she could see the despair lurking there, the tight control that wound around his body like a frayed rope. She understood that these youkai had come to invade these lands and that somehow out of the bloodshed, they'd made peace instead.

But one thing Kagome understood well, that sometimes wounds were too deep and raw to be healed…or forgiven.

"They are devils," Maketo whispered, his voice shaking. "My brothers…my wife…my children are now motherless because of these savage _animals!_"

"We are leaving," the youkai woman said, reaching for her husband's arm. He growled softly and yanked his arm away from her, striding down the hillside with angry steps.

"There can be no peace between our people," he snarled over his shoulder, looking back at his wife's face. "Only war. This priestess has poisoned your mind, wife."

"Forgive him," the youkai woman said softly, looking at the humans with regret. "He does not change his ways easily. Peace is more difficult for him to accept than bloodshed."

She turned to go, her long hair fluttering behind her in a soft, pale cloud that was teased by the wind. Kagome found that she was breathing hard, her heart filled with nameless dread. Something was wrong…she could feel it and searched the empty hillside for the source of her panic but found nothing.

"Come, Maketo," the human priestess said quietly. "We must return soon, the other exterminators are waiting for us."

The man stood silently, watching as the youkai female descended the hill to meet her husband. "No," he whispered. "I can't just let him…go."

_No_, Kagome thought, her heart hammering in her chest. _Don't do it, you've made peace, they're going to leave_…

"Look out!" Kagome screamed, her voice lifted by the wind and carried back to her own ears. It rang hollowly, like the ghost of an echo as she watched Maketo draw his weapon.

"Let him have bloodshed!" the man screamed. "Let him know what if feels like to have his wife die in his arms!"

The sickle-blade flashed, its long chain uncoiling like a striking snake as it hurtled towards the youkai woman. She turned, one hand already on her sword. Too late to defend herself, she barely managed to turn to the side so that the blade buried itself in her shoulder instead of her skull. The chain rang loudly as Maketo yanked it, the blade flying back into his palm with an easy snap and blood spilled from the woman's body.

"You bastard!" The Inu no Taishou raced to his wife's side, catching her as she staggered and would have fallen.

"I won't miss a second time," the angry exterminator shouted, raising his arm to hurl the blade again.

The youkai lord snarled and drew his sword, the blade pulsed with angry power as his eyes burned like the red fire of hell itself. His wife's hand came up and caught his sleeve, her fist buried in the soft silk.

"Don't," she whispered, "I'm fine, husband. Our truce…"

The Inu no Taishou gripped her hand. "No truce," he snarled. "He attacked you, I will kill him for injuring my wife!"

"Try it," Maketo shouted. "I'll slaughter you both, just like your soldiers slaughtered my family!"

Before the Inu no Taishou could reach him, Maketo's eyes went wide, staring down at the sword buried in his belly. He gasped as the blade was pulled free, his eyes following the weapon as his blood splattered on the ground. "Why?" he whispered. "For them…"

"I'm sorry," the priestess said, regret standing in eyes that were too tired to cry.

She brought the sword up again and the Inu no Taishou appeared in front her, his insanely huge blade still hanging in his hand like a threat. She lifted her chin and met his angry gaze.

"I have taken a human life," she murmured. "Something I had sworn I would never do."

"But you've killed many youkai with that sword," he said quietly. "Does it feel any different?" He glanced down at the dead man and his voice hardened. "Is this how humans show their loyalty?"

"No," she answered, slowly dropping her sword to her side. "He was my friend and he was in pain. But this battle has to end, even if I take a human life to protect a youkai."

The youkai glared at her. "I need no protection from a human."

"I could have purified you," she said, watching his face. "It might destroy me to attempt it, with someone of your power. Instead, I chose to kill him so that you wouldn't have an excuse to start your war again. Your wife lives, my friend is dead."

"We are in her debt, husband," the youkai woman said, slowly making her way to where the priestess faced him. Her expression was carefully neutral as she regarded the body of her would-be assassin. "I would not have been able to do the same."

His eyes softened and he reached out to touch his wife's chin. "Nor I," he whispered. "Perhaps you are right and it is time to change." As if to solidify the tenuous peace and acknowledge the priestess' sacrifice, he turned and carefully laid his sword on the ground at her feet.

"If you have need of this blade, you need only call upon it. Inuyoukai honor their debts, even to human priestesses."

Mist flowed up from the ground, hiding the scene from Kagome. She felt as if she were floating upon it, drifting away and let her body became weightless. Her eyes closed, letting the peaceful calm fill her heart.

_Do you understand now, Kagome?_

Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the face of the priestess that was only inches from her own. Some kind of recognition filled her, remembering a dark cave and a figure that had turned to stone.

_Midoriko_…

oOo

Inuyasha snarled to himself and cursed, leaning against a tree. Fucking bitch, who did she think she was to turn on him like this? Then he immediately felt guilty, it was him that had turned, him that had shown his bastard side in glowing colors. His true self, mean and bitterly jealous that she might give a damn about that stupid wolf. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure what he should do.

Nah, he knew. He should go down to the wolf youkai's camp, grab Rin and just go home. After all, what did it matter to him what happened to that woman? She wasn't his problem anymore, if she ever had been. He wasn't sure if he was angry with her or if he was angry with himself at this point.

He had tracked the strange apparition this far only to lose the trail. Hell, he didn't lose anything, it had just vanished. That puzzled him, he'd been sure that the menace was directed here. Had something quelled it, had he just imagined the whole thing? Inuyasha snorted to himself, wondering if he'd just made it up in his own mind as an excuse to see her again.

Not that she wanted to see him, of that he was damned sure. Why would she? Everything he'd tried to prove to her, that he wasn't some kind of monster with no control of his actions, had been ruined. All because of that stupid wolf, he honestly didn't know what had come over him. And now, shame covering his body like a second skin, he didn't know if he could face her again.

What was it about her that affected him so much, made him desire her more than he'd ever wanted any woman in his life? Inuyasha wasn't given to introspection, but he kept replaying it in his mind, trying to work it out. She was attractive, but so were other women. She was also a bitch, demanding and sharp-tongued as a harpy, but that only intensified his interest.

Sighing, he leaned against the tree. Whatever it was, it was no good for either of them. He should just leave her alone, let the priestess meet whatever fate had in store for her, even it meant leaving her in the arms of a wolf youkai. After all, Kouga was her friend. He, Inuyasha, was anything but that. They'd had sex, his fingertips still burned with desire to touch her again. But whatever else that woman wanted…she did not want him.

Then there was the problem at hand. He was being watched.

Inuyasha growled low in his throat. He couldn't quite sense where they were, but he knew they were there. Fine, let them watch. Personally, he didn't care, as soon as they wanted to do more than watch, he would be ready for them.

oOo

Kagome stepped out into the bright sunlight and shaded her eyes. Her body was stiff and she thought she might have killed for a toothbrush, but she felt better rested in spite of her strange dreams. It troubled her; it baffled her that she'd be dreaming of the long dead priestess. Kagome frowned, looking up into the clear blue sky. She was no priestess; she was not Kikyou to be pulled to the will of an ancient ghost. It had nothing to do with her, the jewel was gone, Kikyou gone and she wanted nothing more to do with the world of specters and spirits.

They had arrived late the night before to an exuberantly happy welcome for Kouga and his men. She and Rin had hung back; shy suddenly, as the only two humans present. She was also apprehensive about seeing Ayame again, as she recalled that the young wolf demon had been more than a little jealous of Kouga's infatuation with her.

Her fears were almost instantly laid to rest when Ayame caught sight of her. Eyes wide, she pushed through the milling throng of youkai and caught the human woman by her shoulders.

"Kagome?" she asked incredulously. "Is it really you?"

Hesitantly, she nodded and was utterly shocked when she was pulled into a tight embrace. Slowly, she raised her arms and returned Ayame's hug. "I've always regretted that I never got a chance to thank you," the woman whispered.

"Thank me?" Kagome asked, gently pushing away. She studied Ayame's face, surprised again when she saw tears in the wolf youkai's eyes. "What…why would you thank me?"

"You saved Kouga's life," Ayame answered, smiling back at her. "He would have died after Naraku took the shards from his legs. "He told me how you found him, almost dead and about to be devoured by Naraku's demons. Without you, he would have died there. You and Inuyasha saved him, protected him and brought him back to Ginta and Hakkaku so that they could take care of him."

Grim memories washed over Kagome and her eyes dropped to the ground. It had been right after Miroku and Sango had died, when they were searching, vainly hoping, to find the monk still alive. Instead they'd found Kouga, bleeding and unconscious, but still clinging to life. Inuyasha had carried the wounded wolf until they'd come across his comrades, who were also battered but still searching for their friend.

So much death, so much loss, Kagome remembered the desperation of that night when she'd frantically tried to stop the bleeding, crouching like waiting mourner over Kouga's fevered body. She also recalled the helpless, sick realization in Inuyasha's eyes that there was nothing any of them could do. Nothing other than to hope that Kouga's strength would be enough to let him survive.

Flushing slightly, she remembered how the hanyou had gently put his arms around her, how he'd held her as she quietly sobbed in despair. She was too numb at the time to do more than cling to him, knowing that she'd never see Sango again, knowing that when they found Miroku, he'd already be lost to them. That night they'd pinned their only hope on Kouga's survival, so desperate to save anyone at this point that it was the only thing that kept them going.

_Get up, you fucking wolf! Don't you let that bastard win!_

Kagome blinked hard, feeling tears forming in her eyes. Suddenly everything seemed to be too much and she would have staggered if Ayame hadn't slipped an arm around her for support. "I'm sorry," the woman said quietly. "You must absolutely exhausted. We can talk more tomorrow, I want to know what's brought you back to us."

Kouga snorted, grinning at his wife. "You won't believe the half of it, Ayame."

She shot him a scathing look. "And you," she snapped, a twinkle of mischief belying her angry tone. "I suppose you ran these poor women all the way here, not even thinking about how humans need to rest."

"Honestly, Ayame," Shippou broke in when Kouga flushed. "We did rest, several times, or we'd have been here sooner…"

"I'll deal with you tomorrow," she said, pointing a finger at Shippou's nose. "Running off like that, not seen for weeks! I expect that from Kouga," she raised an eyebrow at her husband, "but you know better than to make me worry, Shippou!"

The kitsune backed away from her annoyed glare, waving his hands to ward off an attack. "It's not my fault, I wanted to bring her here right away! If we hadn't met that bastard Inuyasha in the forest, none of this would have…"

He broke off at Ayame's surprised gasp and Kagome felt the woman's hand tighten on her shoulder. "You met Inuyasha?" she said, looking at Shippou as if searching him for hidden wounds. "Shippou…you aren't hurt, are you?"

"No," he said sullenly, not looking at her. Kagome felt a tired smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as Shippou's ears started to turn red. "He didn't do anything, he just made us go with him and…"

Rin stepped forward, putting her hand on the kitsune's arm as she smiled disarmingly at Ayame. "It's very good to meet you," she said politely with a bow. "Please don't be angry with Shippou. Inuyasha only extended Sesshomaru-sama's hospitality to him and he was gracious to accept."

Shippou snorted, obviously remembering the hospitality he'd received from Sesshomaru's guards. He opened his mouth and then snapped it shut when Rin pinched him hard. "It was a pleasure to host one of our allies," she said sweetly.

Ayame stared hard at her, obviously not believing everything she heard. "I think there's more to this story," she said slowly, her arm still tight around Kagome's shoulders. Kagome felt the tremble in the wolf youkai's muscles and realized that Ayame knew everything about what had happened in the past, probably having heard it from both Kouga and Shippou. She swallowed hard and gently pulled away.

"I think we're all very tired," she said quietly. "Please excuse me, I don't think I can stay on my feet much longer."

Instantly abashed, Ayame led her inside the den. "You can rest safely here," she said, her voice soft as she touched Kagome's hand. She smiled and gestured to Rin to follow them. "Our hospitality might not be as fine as Sesshomaru-sama's, but I will see to that you aren't disturbed."

oOo

And no one had disturbed her, Kagome thought, looking around the compound. She must have slept for quite some time. Here and there, she saw wolves going about their business, women tending to children, men working at repairing weapons or tools. Her brow furrowed slightly, wondering why there were so many. As she recalled, Kouga had lost most of his pack to enemies as well as Naraku's treachery.

"Kagome!"

She turned at her name and saw Ayame sitting near a small fire, Rin at her side. The girl waved happily at her and Kagome found herself smiling back. "Aren't you hungry?" Rin called.

"Of course she is," Ayame laughed, seeing how Kagome's eyes lit up at the mention of food. "I have some stew left over from breakfast, some grilled fish that were caught this morning and some berries."

Gratefully, Kagome accepted the meal, barely managing to thank Ayame for her kindness before digging in. For some reason, she remembered Kouga throwing a whole boar at her feet after announcing that it was for her. She grinned to herself, glad that whatever else, Ayame seemed to believe in cooking food…at least for humans.

"Do you like it?"

"It's delicious," she answered truthfully. She glanced around, noticing that no one else was eating and smiled sheepishly. "I guess I must have slept right through your morning, Ayame."

Laughing, the youkai shook her head. "I expected you would," she said in a teasing voice. "We get up with the dawn here. But I told Kouga and Shippou that I'd have their heads on a stick if they didn't let you sleep." Her expression softened. "You've had a rough time of it these past few weeks, haven't you, Kagome?"

"I'm fine," she began, but Ayame waved her silent.

"Shippou told me everything," she said quietly. "You can't go back to your homeland, that must be terrible for you. Your family must be sick with worry."

Kagome glanced away, thinking of her mother and Souta. She'd missed her grandfather's funeral, disappeared from the house without a trace. She knew that her mother must have some idea where she'd gone. All her things left behind…clothing, laptop, and cell phone…it seemed like a dream to her now, her real life. Her career, school…Scott…

She started, realizing that she hadn't thought of her murderous ex-husband in days. What was he doing now, was he wandering around Tokyo with a gun in his pocket, still searching for her? Had he…had he gone to the house after she'd vanished down the well…her mother…

"Hey," Ayame said abruptly, seeing Kagome's expression fluttering between despair and defeat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," she said brusquely, furious with herself. Over the past few days, she'd been totally preoccupied with herself, with Inuyasha…she'd barely spared a thought for what her mother and brother must be going through. They knew, or they thought they knew, what she might be facing on the other side of that well. Since she hadn't returned…they probably thought that she was dead.

This time she wouldn't be coming home…not ever…she was trapped all over again. Her eyes burned and she realized that tears were streaking her face. All her self-control seemed to vanish and the next thing she knew, she was sobbing like a lost child into Ayame's lap.

"Kagome," Rin murmured, her own eyes shining with sympathy. "Oh Kagome, I never thought…and I was so vicious to you. Please stop crying, I'm so sorry."

Ayame stroked her hair, her hands soft. "It's okay," she murmured. "Go ahead and cry, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Kagome."

"Yes it is!" Kagome burst out, shoving herself away from Ayame's sympathy, sympathy that she so did not deserve. "I have a lot to be ashamed of," she said raggedly. "I'm not crying for myself, I'm crying because of the hell my family must be going through. What I'm putting them through because of what I've done. I've always been selfish, pretending that I knew what I wanted when I was just so damn focused on running away I didn't care anymore."

Rin and Ayame stared at her, but Kagome felt like she was going to burst if she didn't say what she had always been afraid to admit. "Everything that happened, it was my fault," she said, her voice hardened with self-loathing. "I was the one that shattered the jewel. You thanked me for saving Kouga's life, but if he hadn't had those damn shards in his legs, Naraku never would have come after him in the first place."

"Kagome," Ayame said sternly. "You are not to blame for that. Naraku…"

"I brought the jewel back!" Kagome shouted, scrambling to her feet as she raked her fingers through her hair. Her face was mottled with red from her tears and her fury, her eyes were wild. "Every horrible thing Naraku did…the innocent people that were murdered, he did it to get that cursed jewel that I brought back into this world!"

She took a deep breath. "And all those times I lied to my mother, my grandfather, told them I was doing something noble in trying to stop Naraku. It was all a lie; I was doing what I wanted…because I wanted to be with Inuyasha! And when we finally won, when Sango and Miroku had been slaughtered by that monster…Inuyasha took that jewel I'd brought back through time and it destroyed him!"

Slowly, Ayame got to her feet, her gaze steady as she stared into the heart of Kagome's pain. "I think," the woman said calmly, as if Kagome had only been complaining of the weather, "that you're making too much of yourself."

Kagome blinked, staring at the woman as Ayame approached slowly, as if trying to soothe a wild creature that had reason to bolt. "Kagome, we're all selfish sometimes. And we all make mistakes as well. But you're a fool if you think you can pack up all the blame for everything that Naraku did and keep it for yourself."

Sighing, Ayame looked tired. "I admit I was jealous of you when we first met. I saw the way Kouga looked at you…I can still see it if I look hard enough. I've seen your reflection in his eyes when he looks at me and that is something that I've learned to live with. Because I'm selfish too…and I love him anyway."

"Ayame," she whispered, ashamed. The girl that the wolf demon had been had been replaced by a strong woman, and now Kagome couldn't help but find herself the one being diminished by comparison. Kouga and Ayame had put their ruined lives back together…what had she done? Become a success in the corporate world by lying and using her body like a tool, neglecting the family that had stood beside her when she needed them. Taking the love of what had been a good, decent man and twisting it heartlessly until he was ready to kill her rather than let her go.

Warm hands settled on her shoulders and Kagome looked into soft green eyes. "Your reasons might be selfish, but sometimes good comes from that too," Ayame said gently. "You taught Kouga how to be kind, you protected Shippou when he couldn't protect himself. Just because you broke the jewel does not make you to blame for what Naraku did to gain it."

Kagome looked away, she couldn't face Ayame's kindness, not now, but the hands on her shoulders tightened until she lifted her gaze. "You are not responsible for what happened to Inuyasha either," Ayame told her firmly. "I know…he did something terrible to you. I suppose you had to find a way to make yourself think that you deserved it."

"You didn't destroy him," Rin said softly, her small voice almost forgotten as the two older women faced each other. "He's not that monster anymore, Kagome. I…I know you don't believe me, but it is the truth."

"He could turn on you, just like he turned on me," Kagome said, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. "I used to believe with all my heart that he'd never hurt me, that he'd always protect me. What will you do if he does that to you? Will Sesshomaru forgive him for that…or will he hunt him down and kill him like a sick animal that needs to be destroyed?"

Rin was silent, looking down at her hands as they clutched each other until her knuckles turned white. "He won't do that," she answered, her voice almost hidden behind her hair. "Inuyasha is already dying and Sesshomaru-sama…" She looked up at Kagome with pain-filled eyes. "Sesshomaru-sama knows that Inuyasha doesn't have much time left."

Shock blew through her body like a foul wind, chilling her in spite of the warm sun. Kagome closed her eyes, Rin's words should have made her feel something…instead she felt numb. In her mind, a dozen different images presented themselves like individual stills from a video, images that she had once banished to the back of her mind because she didn't want to feel anything when she thought about Inuyasha.

Him sleeping the first time she saw him, pinned to a tree with a single arrow. Inuyasha cursing at her as she sat him, Inuyasha arguing with her over a jewel shard. Him in pain after a battle with his brother, him looking wretched with self-loathing after he had transformed into a full-youkai and slaughtered those human bandits. Inuyasha's face, intense and close to her own, as he slowly lowered them to the ground and pushed her legs apart…

"Dying?" she managed to ask, clearing her throat as some of the memories made her short of breath. "Rin…are you sure?"

Miserable, the girl nodded. "I lied to you," she said quietly. "I let you think I came after him just because I was jealous. I overheard Sesshomaru-sama telling Jano-san about it, about how whatever the jewel did to Inuyasha…the Tenseiga couldn't completely heal him. He was sick for so long, and he recovered, but Tenseiga just could not save him. There's nothing more that can be done."

Rin smiled bleakly, her expression so fragile that Kagome wanted to drop to her knees and hold her. "Sesshomaru-sama let him go with you, thinking that maybe if he was able to help you, some of his pain might ease. Maybe if he can remember some part of what was good in his life, it will give him some peace when he eventually dies. I followed him because…I didn't want him to die without someone who cares about him."

"Does he know?" Kagome asked. Rin shrugged, looking away from her as if guilty for telling this secret, embarrassed for caring so much.

"I don't think so," she answered quietly. "Sesshomaru-sama thought it would better if he didn't know. I'm not sure he's right."

It was too much to take, not all at once like this. For the years she'd wished for his death, for the moments in between when she'd just needed him, Kagome felt like it was closing in around her. Fate had pulled the strings tight, bringing them together, but for whatever reason she could not define.

And damn it, she didn't want to know this. How could she look at him and not be thinking of his life measured out like grains of rice, slipping slowly between her fingers. Her dream still hung heavily in the back of her mind, a priestess and a demon facing each other across a chasm of doubt and betrayal, bonded with a sacrifice and their own pain.

"I think I need some time to myself," Kagome murmured, noticing that her hand was shaking as she drew it across her eyes. She tried to smile reassuringly at Ayame, tried to offer some comfort for Rin, but she was feeling the weight of her past too keenly and wanted solitude.

Turning away from their concern, she wandered towards the edge the compound. Rin and Ayame let her go; each of them wordless with desire to comfort what couldn't be comforted.

Before she realized it, her wandering had taken her outside the wolf demons' camp. As if she'd been intending it from the beginning, she found herself climbing a hill, her eyes focused on the summit as if that was where she'd find answers...or salvation. But Kagome knew better and felt a bitter smile creasing her lips. She'd given up hope of salvation in favor of survival and nothing that had happened to her in the past few weeks or the past ten years could change her mind.

Inuyasha was dying, shouldn't that make her glad? That he wasn't going to escape from what he'd done, that in the end he would be paying for his betrayal...that should have made her crow with victory. Instead she felt a sad emptiness in the place where her heart once would have grieved or rejoiced.

_You wish that you could save him_...

"I do not," she muttered under her breath, feeling the wind pulling at her hair. Sighing, Kagome wiped her forehead and looked around. Behind her was the wolf youkai camp, nestled quietly against the curve of the river. Ayame had told her that they'd made their home in the caves that ran along the river, the entrance masked by a waterfall and easily defended.

It would be a strong place to make a last stand, she thought, looking over her shoulder at the open plain that was bordered by thick forest.

They'd come from the forest, creatures skilled in concealing themselves. The caves had been the last place they could find to hide the frightened women and children, their best, last, hopeless chance at making a stand. Most armies would have chosen the open plain, chosen to show their masses instead of slipping from the forest, a smaller force than she'd expected, but no less deadly.

Kagome started, coming out of a daydream. She spun around and stared hard at the forest edge, trembling, almost willing the soldiers to come from its shadows. Her fingers were twitching for a sword that she did not wear, had never worn, and fists tightened. Why did she remember an invading youkai army that concealed itself in a forest before attacking? Why did her hand long for the hilt of a sword?

_It's not me_, she thought stubbornly. _These are not my memories_...

That's when it hit her, why this place seemed familiar. The forest, the caves, the curve of the river. They were an undeniable pattern in her mind, a memory that had awoken to be more than a dream, less than nightmare, but still...

This was the same hilltop where Midoriko had confronted the Inu no Taishou. This was where a priestess had slain a man, freeing him perhaps from his own grief and strangely, touching the heart of one rumored to be heartless in battle, merciless in his revenge. By showing him how far she was willing to go in order to put an end to the death and the killing.

She'd made him believe in her.

"What the hell are you doing out here alone? Don't you have any brains?"

It was odd, she thought as she turned to face him. Odd that it didn't startle her to have Inuyasha suddenly at her side.

She smiled at him; saw his eyes narrow suspiciously as they both knew she had no reason to welcome him with that smile. Neither of them were fooled...they both knew it was no welcome.

"Been spying on me, Inuyasha?" she asked, turning away from him and staring out over the landscape. "I'm not surprised."

Pissed, he swore to himself under his breath. "I wasn't spying," he muttered. "I was waiting for the right time."

Her eyebrow arched mockingly. "Waiting for what? The chance to be an asshole again?"

_So I had that coming_, he thought ruefully. "Nah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just figured I wasn't going to get a warm welcome down there. I told you I'd be back for Rin."

His easy answer didn't fool her. "Just Rin?" she asked almost wistfully. "What about me?"

Inuyasha snorted, not about to be drawn into a trap by this woman. "What about you, bitch?" he asked sarcastically. "Like I give a damn what happens to you. I get it already, you don't want to be anywhere near me."

For some reason, his angry tone pulled at her. Kagome watched him carefully, able to read him now as she always had before. He flushed suddenly, turning away from her gaze. "Quit staring at me like that," he said bitterly. "I'm not gonna try anything, you don't have to be scared."

Scared? She smiled thinly, realizing that the tables had turned for them both. Now he was the hesitant one, scared almost to look her in the eye. Maybe screwing him like that had been a better idea than she'd thought. She hadn't intended it that way, but she could see something behind his eyes now. Something more complex than anger, deeper than just desire. She had him nervous, afraid to make the wrong move...like he had with Kouga.

"I'm not frightened of you," she said quietly, remembering a priestess' strength on this same hilltop. The wind picked up suddenly, relieving the heat of the sun and sent her tangled hair around her face. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. Then, thinking as she was of Midoriko, she opened her eyes and gave him a serious look.

"Would you mind doing something for me, Inuyasha?"

Oh, he was suspicious of her now, not that she'd ever meant for him to be. "It's nothing dangerous," she said mildly, wondering herself why she wanted to do it. "Come on, follow me."

She led him up the rest of the way, to the crest of the hill. Looking around as she turned slowly in a circle, she was surer than ever that this was the place. Could the fact that it was real also mean that the dream itself was real? If so, why the hell would she know of it? She knew the story of Midoriko, how she had died and how she had formed the jewel. That she might have met and made a truce with Inuyasha's father was a mystery she'd never even heard rumors of.

"Here," she said, turning to face east. Inuyasha looked puzzled as she gestured to him, asking him to stand in front of her. Yes, that was where his father had stood; with a youkai woman he called his wife. A woman that was not Inuyasha's mother, but perhaps Sesshomaru's...perhaps she was not, but that wasn't the piece of the puzzle she wanted to investigate.

"So?" he drawled, folding his arms and glaring at her fiercely. She grinned, realizing suddenly how much he looked like that ancient warlord. His ears twitched at her smile, he took a half-step back as if unsure that she might attack him.

"Now," she said, straightening her shoulders. "Draw your sword."

Inuyasha smirked and shook his head. "This useless piece of shit?" he sneered. "I don't need it, especially not for someone like you. If you've got some crazy idea of challenging me to a fight..."

"I'm not challenging you to anything, stupid," she snapped, glaring at him. His eyes darkened slightly and with a low growl of annoyance, he whipped the battered katana from its sheath. Inuyasha took a step forward and waved the tip under her nose as if to test her.

"What kind of game are you playing now, bitch?" he growled. "I don't fucking trust you."

She was actually a bit disappointed, thinking that maybe the blade would remember this place. Still, the compulsion was upon her just the same and she looked him right in the eye. "Put it on the ground," she murmured. "At my feet, like you were offering me your loyalty."

"My what?" he asked incredulously. This wasn't funny, it seemed like she meant it and he had no idea why. He could feel the trap closing in around him, he was sure of it. Even if he did feel like shit about what had happened, he wasn't so far gone that he'd trust this...or would he?

Silently, he knelt, placing his father's blade at her feet like an offering...or a promise. He hoped to hell that Sesshomaru never caught wind of this; he didn't know how he'd ever explain that she had some kind of power of him. Inuyasha flushed, feeling suddenly humiliated by this simple act. He just put the damn thing on the ground, but something about Kagome's bearing, as if by placing that sword on the ground he'd placed all of his burdens upon her.

Then her face fell as she looked at the quiet blade. Had she expected something more, he wondered. It was as if she expect the sword to change somehow and almost...at the very back of his mind he could see Tessaiga transforming. A dazzlingly bright blade, blinding with power as it grew beyond it's sleeping form. Then the image was gone from him and Inuyasha felt like he'd been grieving for a lost friend...one who knew him well and would be missed.

"You've seen it before," he said quietly, unable to keep a hint of bitterness from his voice. "When?"

"In a dream once," she whispered. Kagome looked up and he caught his breath at her expression, so open and vulnerable it could have broken his heart. "In your hands...I saw it many times."

"I...don't remember," he said, suddenly wishing he had something more to offer her. The words fell between them, useless and Inuyasha saw the open expression in her eyes close and again her face became unreadable to him.

"Never mind," she murmured as she turned from him. "I don't know what I was expecting, if anything. Maybe nothing, because there's nothing to remember.

"Kagome," he breathed, saying her name like a plea. He felt like he'd failed her and understood all too well that it wasn't the first time he'd let her down.

She stared off into the distance like a woman entranced and made him helpless. What could she have been expecting from Tessaiga, his father's sword? His father's useless sword, a blade of power that was somehow sealed to his sons. Inuyasha knew that it was dangerous, standing here with her, but he welcomed the danger as something familiar and close.

Kagome didn't move, letting him come to stand behind her, almost as if he were waiting for her to dismiss him. When his hands touched her shoulders, she didn't flinch away or turn to confront him. Instead she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the almost-caress. By rights, she shouldn't enjoy it or let him dare to think he might comfort her. She was truly lost, if he were dying, when he might be the only thing worth staying for.

Her skin seemed to warm up under his fingers and Inuyasha leaned close to her scent wash over him. His pulse was speeding up just from being so close her, his chest nearly brushing her back, watching her hair stir with his every breath. He didn't know why she was allowing this, but he wasn't quite fool enough to speak and ruin it.

His hands moved from her shoulders, lightly stroking her arms, the rough fabric of her clothing rustling slightly against his claws. When he dared to stroke aside her hair to reveal the nape of her neck, she only arched her back and murmured her assent. Inuyasha whispered into the back of hair, moving slowly to kiss the sensitive place just below her earlobe and just behind the curve of her jaw. She sighed...let herself melt...and leaned back into him.

Kagome felt his smile against her neck and hissed slightly when his hands crept around to cup her breasts. The palms of his hands were almost unbearable as her nipples stiffened in response. Still more unbearable, his mouth lavished the side of her neck with hot kisses, nibbling at her shoulder and then back up to her ear.

She let her head fall back so he could continue, one his hands left her breast to turn her face towards his, breathing heavily as he ghosted a kiss across her ear. That's when she grabbed for his wrists, pulling him away from her so she could turn in his arms.

Inuyasha gasped into her open mouth, his tongue searching for hers as Kagome abandoned herself, lost in the taste of him. What did it matter, she thought wildly, what did it matter if she wanted him in spite of everything he'd done? This Inuyasha, neither raving monster or half-demon, was so far gone from the boy she'd first met. It wasn't that boy that she wanted, although she held his memory deep within a hidden shine inside her heart.

It didn't matter, not anymore and she fisted her hands in the sleeves of his haori like she wanted to tear it off. Urgent now, she returned his kisses aggressively, as if to prove to herself how much it didn't matter. He wasn't the boy she'd fallen in love with, she wasn't that innocent girl. Now she was a woman without a home to return to and he was a man who didn't have a future.

They only had now...and the thought made Kagome furious with desire, his touch and his lips holding her tight against him while they crashed together between the waves of need and dark secrets.

He broke away from her kiss, pushing her back when she surged against him. "Not here," he muttered, pulling her close again to nuzzle her throat. Kagome moaned and hung weakly in his grasp when he suddenly lifted her.

_I don't care...please god, let me not care anymore_...

He swung her up in his arms as he strode down the same hill that his father had once charged in fury. Kagome hooked her arms around his neck and hid her face against his chest. Her eyes stayed closed, letting the scent of him invade her senses. It took her back, he smelled like sweat and desire, reminding her of all the times she'd lost herself before.

If she'd known, if she hadn't been so fucking terrified...would she have stayed with him to the end. Could she have somehow...eased...the inevitable ending to their sad fairy tale. Would he have died in her arms?

Would he have taken her with him...would she have gone...if only once he'd told her that he loved her too?

They entered the shady coolness of the forest and Kagome trembled, not from fear but anticipation as he set her on her feet. "Here," he said roughly as if speech was almost too difficult. "I want you now. Kagome…"

She reached for him, hands shaking as she wound them into his long white hair, the silver strands tangling around her fingers as she wanted to tangle her body around his. "Yes," she hissed, kissing him fiercely and nearly drawing blood when she bit his lip. Inuyasha grabbed her shoulders, forcing her away and holding her, his eyes glinting strangely as he stared down at her.

"I need to be sure," he whispered, his voice husky as his expression softened. "I need to be sure that you want this."

"I do," Kagome murmured, pressing her body against his and sliding her hand between him. Inuyasha hissed raggedly as her hand found him, hard and ready for her and she wrapped her fingers around him. "I want this, can't you tell?"

He moaned, his eyes closing as she started to work him slowly through the tough material of his hakama. "Say it louder," he gasped, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her upper arms. "Say it like you mean it, say you want me, Kagome!"

"I want you," she said fiercely.

He grinned, his eyes glinting at her. "It's me you want?" he asked softly. "Not that goddamn wolf or anyone else? You're sure…because if you aren't...I can leave right now. You'll never have to see me again. If that's what you want."

She tipped her face up, staring at him, wondering at the intense tone in his voice. "I don't want Kouga or anyone else," she snarled, glaring at him. Maybe she should have left him then, but the fire had pooled in her belly and she needed him right now. With every throbbing ache between her legs, she needed him!

"Good," he shot back, just as fierce. "That's what I fucking wanted to hear!" Kagome gasped as he pushed her into a tree, already tearing at her clothes. She twisted her arms from her sleeves, urgent to have her flesh against his. It was raw and primal, left her no room for misgivings. Now she didn't want to think, she just wanted to feel him inside her body.

He pushed her back as soon as she was naked, frustrating her again when she wanted to hold herself against him. Inuyasha stared down at her with greedy eyes, his expression raw with desire. "You're so beautiful," he murmured roughly, tearing his eyes up to meet hers. "I must have been some kinda idiot to have ever driven you away."

Wordless, she reached for him, taking his face between her hands and bringing him to her. "Shut up," she whispered. "Don't talk about it."

He didn't say another word, crushing her to him and devouring her lips as if he were starving for her taste. Inuyasha groaned, reaching down to free himself from his hakama, pulling her to him as he kicked his clothing away. She was so hungry for this, needing him so much, she hardly knew what she was doing as she tore at his haori, desperately trying to find his flesh.

"Hold on," he muttered as she tried to drag him to the ground. Smiling faintly at the naked lust in her gaze, he pulled off the haori and spread it on the forest floor before carefully lowering them. His fingers slid between her legs and Kagome gasped at that light touch.

"Now," she moaned, arching her back as he touched her.

"Not yet," he whispered, his breath hot against her ear. Kagome shuddered, her fingers digging into his shoulders and swore loudly when his mouth trailed down her body. Lightly, he nipped at her breast, sucked hard and flicked the tip of his tongue against her stiffened nipple.

"Oh god!" she cried out, almost coming right then and there. Urgent, she pulled at his hair, begging him to stop playing with her. Chuckling, he only moved to her other breast and teased it until she was ready to scream at him. Then he let his weight rest on her and trailed a single claw down the inside of her thigh.

Panting, she wrapped her arms around his neck when he moved to kiss her, taking his tongue inside her mouth and sucking it. His soft growl was the only answer she needed and pushed her hips up in a brusque demand.

"You make me insane," he whispered, burying his face against her shoulder. "I don't know why, but you do it."

Then he shifted and thrust hard into her, Kagome cried out in pure relief, her body wrapping around his like a vice and pulling him in even deeper. This was what she wanted, this was what she needed and Kagome threw her guilt and remorse into the wind, abandoning herself to him in this moment.

His shoulders were like stone under her aching fingers, the long, clean line of his back slippery as he moved fast inside her. Kagome thrashed and twisted, mindlessly meeting every hard thrust, crying out his name between gasps. He tore his mouth away from hers and pulled one of her legs up, his claws digging into the soft flesh of the back of her thigh as he drove himself into her.

Sweat was stinging her eyes, her fingernails digging into his arms as he moved even faster, frantically bucking against her hips until she had to clench her teeth to keep from biting her own tongue. It was too much, she was going over the edge, she was going catch fire, feeling the back her hips chafing against the rough haori beneath her.

"More," she hissed, raking her nails down his back, his sweat like salt on her lips. Groaning, he suddenly dropped his weight on her, sliding his arms under her shoulders to support her as he rocked hard into her body. She didn't need to breathe, she didn't need to move, all she needed was to ride this wave until it crashed, threw them both helpless on the shore.

"Hold onto me," he growled harshly, his fangs glinting from behind a grimace. She wrapped her legs tight over his hips, her head thrown back as she gasped for air and he rode her brutally for just a few moments before his entire body seized in a sudden spasm of release, a cry tearing loose from his throat like it had been buried deep within his soul.

Her body tightened, the spring wound tight and then something inside her snapped, the white-hot burn of her climax making her twist, the muscles in her hips and back convulsing as she let out a wail that peaked and then faded away into ragged exhaustion. Her legs twitched, falling away from him heavily and she stared up at the bright sky between the leaves and tried to draw air into her aching lungs.

After a moment, he moved to the side, afraid of crushing her as she kept gasping for breath. Her heart was pounding, the inside of her mouth tasted like copper and she felt as weak as a newborn, but the warm glow of after-sex made her body tremble deliciously. Now that was what she'd been craving, needing so badly that it had starved her soul. For all the lovers that she'd left wanting, none had ever made her lose control. Only Inuyasha…

She sighed deeply and smiled when she felt his hand trace her cheek and turned to look at him. To her surprise, his eyes were serious and ever so slightly sad. "I really thought you hated me," he said softly. "But you can't share something like that with someone you hate."

"Are you so sure?" she whispered, her voice barely a husk. "What if you're wrong?"

Inuyasha glanced away, his jaw tightening with some strange resolve. When he looked back at her, she caught her breath at the golden intensity in his eyes. "Then I don't care," he said roughly. "You can hate me or kick me away, but I'm going to keep coming back. You're the one I want, damn you."

"And that's all that matters?" she asked, reaching out to touch his face. "It's not that easy…you don't know…"

"I know enough," Inuyasha answered, his voice still quiet with resolve. He leaned close, pulling her on top of him and stroking the hair back from her eyes. "I want to know the truth. If you just hated me, I could deal with that. But when you look at me, I see more than that. Just give me a chance."

She was scared to death, everything that she'd wanted from him, would have sold her very soul for, was now being offered. And could she do it, knowing the truth and knowing that it didn't matter. He was going to die, Rin said soon, but how soon. A few months, a few years…how could he even dare to offer this to her now when he didn't even know?

And their past lay burned behind them; she might never make it home. He'd betrayed her and used her and torn her soul apart, he'd broken her into pieces so small that she'd thought she'd never be whole. Could this be why she'd been dragged back in time, just to have these few short moments of a happy ending that had never been?

Did she deserve it…if she should let go of the past and pretend that it had never happened? Kagome swallowed hard, her hair falling into his eyes and knew that he was still waiting for an answer.

"I don't know," she said, her voice trembling just ever so slightly. "You don't know what you're asking…"

"Then maybe you should tell him!"

Kagome found herself flung to the side as Inuyasha sat up, glowering at the forest. "Seen enough, you little bastard?" he shouted angrily. "Don't you fucking get it, she doesn't want you!"

Choking, Kagome reached for her clothes, instinctively covering her breasts. His eyes were vivid in his pale face as he stepped out of the brush. Kagome felt a sick twist in her stomach, realizing he'd been watching…that he'd seen everything and her body flushed with shame.

"Shippou," she whispered, horrified.


	27. TwentySeven

_**Possession 27**_

"Shippou," she whispered, horrified.

Her eyes were stark in her pale face and he couldn't miss the clumsy way she tried to cover herself. Shippou thought he'd never been so angry, or so hurt, not by Kagome. The pathetic apology in her eyes, her flush of shame on her cheeks, she knew he was hurting…and she was sorry for it.

But even now…he couldn't hate her. He couldn't help her either, not with that bastard smirking at him. She'd always been powerless against Inuyasha, helpless by her love for him that even years of bitter anger couldn't erase. This was what Inuyasha had wanted him to see and Shippou realized he'd been played for a fool.

He knew that she didn't want him, he could deal with that. But to have her turn to the same son of a bitch that had nearly killed them both…Shippou flinched away from the image of what Inuyasha had been doing. All the memories of what he'd already seen and heard, were flooding him and made it hard for him to stand.

Again the past came up to surge over him like a tidal wave and Shippou wanted to sink to his knees, fall away to escape from this pain. Instead, he refused to give in and let the feelings wash him away. He was stronger than this, he had to be. For her.

The truth was, he had been expecting something like this, having seen the way she looked at Inuyasha when she though no one was watching. And he'd sworn to himself that he'd protect her, save her from repeating the mistakes of the past when she found she couldn't go home. For all he'd tried to assure her that he'd stay by her side, not abandon her in this dangerous world, she had never believed in him the way she'd believed in Inuyasha.

And that was what really hurt.

"Shippou?"

She was still waiting for him, wondering when he'd explode probably. Shippou swallowed hard and looked at the ground, letting the pain and anger bleed out of him so he didn't yell something he'd hate himself for. Something he couldn't take back, something really painful. Like the truth.

"Why don't you tell him?" Shippou muttered at last. Then he looked up, his eyes flashing. "Tell him why what he wants isn't possible, why don't you tell him that? If you can't find the words, I'll be happy to let him in on it."

"No," she mumbled, still looking ashamed. Damn it, she didn't owe him anything, not a damn thing. To hell with what might or might not happen, to hell with Inuyasha's damaged brain and what it might mean if he did know the truth, if he did remember what it had really been like.

"You don't deserve her," Shippou said coldly, staring the dog right in the face. "She was always too good for you, even when she loved you…all you ever did was hurt her!"

Inuyasha was on his feet instantly, not bothering to cover himself. "You think I haven't figured that out?" he demanded viciously, standing there proud with Kagome's scent all over him. "It ain't for you to decide what she wants, brat!"

"Stop," Kagome said, her voice soft and weak. "I didn't mean for you to find out this way…"

"Find out at all, you mean," he muttered, grim and hard under the trembling in his belly.

"Fuck him," Inuyasha said, his voice harsh with contempt. Then he grinned, sneering out the words like they were poisoned needles meant for Shippou's skin. "He wanted to watch, he got what he wanted. Just like I'd expect from Kouga's little spy, hiding in the bushes and jerking off because he hasn't got the balls to do anything else!"

"You bastard," Shippou ground out, his face on fire from such an accusation. He looked at Kagome's painful expression, the darkness in her eyes that had never faded after Inuyasha took the jewel. She had to know better, know that he wasn't some kind of pervert to enjoy watching Inuyasha screw her. It tore him apart; it made him want to gouge out his own eyes and his heart because it hurt so much. Just like the bastard to twist everything, when he'd already known…

"You wanted me to see," the kitsune said, holding himself back from attacking. "Did you know I was waiting for you to come here? I knew you'd be slinking around her again, pretending that you give a damn about Kagome. That's all I was waiting for, if you knew I was here, then why didn't you say something?"

Kagome looked horrified, twisting around to stare at Inuyasha. "You knew he was watching us?" she asked, obviously sickened by the thought. "Is that why you wanted me to come here, so you could…so you could screw me in front of him?"

Shippou saw the doubt and anger beginning to cloud her expression and smiled inwardly. Maybe now she'd finally see Inuyasha for what he was, the same manipulative, vindictive bastard that had betrayed her so long ago. And kept betraying her over and over again.

"I don't care what he saw," Inuyasha snapped, angry himself and looking to prove it. "Why should I give a damn what that little shit thinks? Yeah, I knew it was probably him, not like I could miss his eyes on my back."

It wasn't far from the truth. Kouga had given him a serious stare when he said that he wanted to scout the woods to make sure that Inuyasha wasn't lurking out there, waiting for a chance to attack. It wasn't that he feared the inuyoukai would make war against the wolves, not with that older brother to answer to, but Shippou wouldn't put it past him to try and take Kagome away by force.

"It doesn't mean a damn thing if he is out there," Kouga said soberly, turning to face the young fox. "Hell, I'd bet he is, but Shippou, you need to think about why you're doing this."

"I'm just protecting our territory," he said, snorting a little and brushing his hair back. As usual, he couldn't fool Kouga for a minute and the wolf youkai slowly stood to face him, resting heavy hands on his shoulders.

"Ain't nothing noble about chasing after a woman who doesn't want you," Kouga said, smiling a little at the irony of his words. "Don't you get it yet, kid? There's never been anyone else in Kagome's heart."

Flushing, he wished he'd never confided his suspicions, but as soon as Kagome and Rin had gone to sleep, he'd babbled every last one of them to Kouga and Ayame. The long glances, the way she'd watched him with her eyes clouding over and dark with memories. He had to protect her from herself, from that weakness that might destroy her. Inuyasha didn't deserve another chance with Kagome, Shippou had to make damn sure he didn't get one.

So when he'd spotted them together on that hilltop, he had known there was a problem. It wasn't just jealousy, he swore it wasn't. Kagome was scared, she had to be, and Inuyasha was going to take advantage of that. But he hadn't been able to stop what happened next. Instead he'd become like a child again, crouching in the bushes, covering his ears because he couldn't stand to hear her cry out Inuyasha's name.

"You really don't care, do you, Inuyasha."

Her voice broke over him and Shippou looked up to see the hurt in Kagome's eyes, the confusion in Inuyasha's. She was looking at him differently now, like she was seeing him for the first time and guiltily, Shippou realized that she thought everything the youkai had said afterwards…had also been part of his game.

"Why should I care?" Inuyasha snorted. "What does it matter to me what that punk says, I said I'd take care of you and I meant it!"

"Don't believe him," Shippou burst out, his eyes glinting as he saw Kagome waver between her doubt and hurt. "He's never done anything but lie to you, everything he has ever said has been a lie."

"I'm getting real tired of you," Inuyasha growled. Still naked, he pushed Kagome to the side like she was insignificant. "You wanna settle this now, then maybe you'll understand who's better."

"Any time," he shot back. "I'm not afraid of you!"

Then Inuyasha grinned at him, reaching out to pull Kagome close by his side. Shippou stiffened as he watched Inuyasha's hands roam over her body, anger lighting inside him with his fury. "Forget it," the inuyoukai said, nuzzling her dark hair with his lips. "You're just a kid and much as I'd like to teach you a lesson, she wouldn't like it."

Shippou couldn't do anything but stand there as Inuyasha slipped his hands under Kagome's open clothes to cup her breasts, ignoring her faint struggles to keep herself covered. "Go on, Kagome," he whispered. "Tell the little brat to leave us alone."

"Kagome," Shippou said, watching the emotions shift across her features. She looked like she was hurting, confused. He hated seeing her this way, but he hated even more that she didn't answer. Instead she stared resolutely at the ground, her bottom lip quivering with some suppressed emotion. "Kagome, tell him to go hell!"

Inuyasha chuckled as Kagome remained strangely quiet, unresponsive. "Doesn't look like she's going to do that," he said, still caressing her intimately. "Can't take a hint, brat?"

It broke his heart, but at the same time Shippou didn't know what he expected. She'd never been strong when he was like this, wasn't that why he needed to protect her in the first place? He'd seen enough, he knew that Kagome had been willing, and now she might be holding back to protect him. She thought he couldn't win against Inuyasha, so again she complied with him. Nothing had changed, he decided bitterly. She still thought of him as a weak little kid.

"I can take a hint," he snarled, meeting Inuyasha's eyes with his own rage. This wasn't over, not by a long shot, and that damned dog was going to pay for everything he'd done…even if it took the rest of his life, he wasn't going to give up on Kagome and let that bastard have her. Not ever!

Spinning around, he charged blindly into the brush, swearing under his breath and feeling the cold sweat prickling down his back. Let Inuyasha think he'd won this time…it wasn't over and it wouldn't ever be over. Not until that bastard was dead and he knew that Kagome would be safe from him…forever.

oOo

"Brat wasn't as stupid as he looks," Inuyasha murmured as they dressed. She still hadn't said a word and it was starting to bother him. Instead she'd shoved his hands away roughly as soon as Shippou had run off, reaching for her clothes with a grim silence that ate into the peaceful air of the forest.

Well, what did she think was going to happen when the punk found out? Inuyasha grinned, thinking of the fury and jealousy that had practically radiated from the fox's body when he'd come out of the brush. Served him right for spying like that, although he'd been bluffing when he'd said that he'd known Shippou was there.

Something else had been watching him from the forest, something with greedy eyes and malevolent intent.

He'd thought he'd lost them by the time he'd reached the wolf youkai territory, still trying to chase that damnable cloud. Then it had just been a wavering instinct, something pricking at the back of his mind with a needle. But he'd been too preoccupied with Kagome to think about it when he'd brought her to the cover of the trees. Then he'd been unable to think beyond what she made him feel, her touch and her skin, her uninhibited response.

Now he just had to convince her that it didn't matter what the kitsune had seen. She had nothing to be ashamed of and neither did he, damn the little bastard for bursting in when he did. For a moment, he'd thought she was going to actually talk to him. The more she wanted to keep secrets from him, the more he wanted to uncover the mystery and the truth. Because…damn it, he wanted her, he wanted her and how the hell could he prove himself against the past when she wouldn't fucking let him?

"Don't let what he said bother you," Inuyasha murmured, coming up from behind to put his arms around her. She smelled so good; her scent was only enhanced by the faint whiff of his body on hers. It felt so right to hold her, so necessary, like she was the answer and the reason why he'd been kept waiting for so long. If there was a reason he'd stayed alive it had to be that he was meant to find her.

She twisted against his arms, turning in his embrace, and looking into her eyes, he saw smoldering rage instead of desire. The expression chilled him; she looked so cold and angry, unreachable across a chasm of fury.

"Don't touch me," she ground out, shrugging his hands from her arms. Inuyasha blinked, slowly drawing away from her. "How could you do that to me?"

"What?"

His head rocked back when her small fist slammed into his mouth. It hardly hurt him, but she caught him off guard with the blow just the same. He stared at her dumbstruck as she winced and cupped her fist in her other hand. Kagome was breathing hard; making little gasps that hitched in her throat.

Was she…crying?

"I was really starting to believe you," she said, her tone not full of anger but pain. "You had me going there, Inuyasha. Maybe I'm a fool, but I thought…" She straightened suddenly, pushing back her tangled hair as she turned away. "It was just another lie."

Another lie? What the hell was she going on about now? Inuyasha scratched his head and then his body went cold when he realized what she was talking about. The things he'd said to her after they'd had sex, things he'd meant from the bottom of his heart…she thought he was lying to her.

"Hey," he said, grabbing her shoulder to turn her around. She slapped his hand away like he was an annoying child, scowling as she folded her arms over her breasts. "What I said before…I meant it, Kagome."

"I don't believe you."

Had her voice always been so cold? That brief moment had given him a glimpse into a real woman, warm and soft, and now he found that he was twice as angry with Shippou for butting in. She thought everything he'd done and said had been just for the brat; just to dig at him, make him suffer. And now, once again, she wasn't going to believe a word he said.

"Kagome, listen…" he said, a note of desperation creeping into his voice. "I didn't know he was there, I know what I told him, but…"

"So you were lying then too?" she said, anger heating her words again. The woman's eyes glittered at him with accusations and he ground his teeth together to keep himself from shouting at her. "You sick bastard, you just love hurting people, don't you?"

"No!" he burst out as she turned away again, heading into the forest. "I wasn't lying to you, Kagome. I just want you to believe me!"

She didn't answer and he cursed under his breath. Damn that brat, he should have known better. He'd really gone and fucked himself; there was no way he could make her understand now. Inuyasha raked his hand through his hair and glared at the back of her head. He just had to rub it in Shippou's face, make it seem like he knew the brat was watching. To make it hurt more.

She was right, but he didn't mean for her to be the one who was hurt.

"Just leave me alone," her voice carried to him as she stalked away. "I'm going after Shippou. Hopefully I can apologize for dragging him into your sick little games."

oOo

Shippou smiled to himself as he watched Kagome leave Inuyasha. His ears might not be as sensitive as an inuyoukai's, but it wasn't like he could have missed their conversation. Good, this was what she needed to see. The real Inuyasha behind the façade of what he was pretending.

It surprised him to find that Inuyasha was bluffing when he'd said he'd known they were being watched. But it didn't matter; all that mattered was that Kagome was seeing him for what he was now. Sighing, he let himself drop out of the tree. He'd let her apologize to him; he'd let her feel bad about it for a few hours more too. Then he would tell her that he forgave her, after all, he truly loved her. Not like Inuyasha.

It would be a cold day in hell when he'd ever believe that bastard could change.

Shippou wandered between the trees, thinking about what had happened. It still stung him that Inuyasha had implied he'd been aroused by watching them have sex. And he wondered again what Kagome thought about it, if she believed he'd sink that low.

"Well," he said softly. "Just go away, you stupid dog. We don't need you anymore." The kitsune crouched on the ground as he peered through the thick underbrush. He should follow her to make sure that Inuyasha kept his distance. It wouldn't be easy, as skilled as he considered himself to be at hiding his presence, he knew he had to keep upwind or Inuyasha would know he was there.

A blow from behind knocked Shippou on his face, a heavy weight landed on his back. Furious, he clawed at the ground to get his arms under him. "Damn you, Inuyasha," he snarled. "Why don't you just…"

Hard hands pulled at his back, lifting him and flipping him over and he stared up in surprise at his attacker. It wasn't Inuyasha and Shippou realized that he really had a problem now.

"Hey you little shit," Natsu hissed, his breath hot against the kitsune's face. "Remember me?"

oOo

Kagome stopped in her tracks and drew in a hissing breath. There had been times in the past when she wished she were stronger emotionally, when she wished that she'd been more in control. And there had been times when she'd wished for power of her own, to save her friends, to fight evil, but rarely if ever had she thought about physical strength.

Now she wanted it…because she really wanted to beat the living shit out of Inuyasha. Her hand still hurt, bruised by his jaw, and there was a bit of swelling on the first knuckle where the skin had nearly split. Absently, she raised her fist to her mouth and sucked at the injury as if that would make the pain go away. She'd hit him as hard as she could, but as usual, she was the one to hurt for it.

"Don't you get it?" she snarled over her shoulder. "Leave me the hell alone!"

From the thick brush there was a rustle, a pause, and then a surly voice. "No. Run after him all you want, I'm not leaving you alone out here."

"Fuck you," Kagome muttered under her breath. She just wanted to find Shippou and find…find some way to explain that she'd never meant to hurt him. In truth, she knew that she only wanted to absolve her own guilt, let him shout at her, call her names. Anything to stop this dull ache that had speared her through the center of her chest right to her backbone.

The rustling sound grew louder and she scowled when he pushed his way through the leaves. Inuyasha's face was flushed and set in a disgusted sneer, his eyes glittering coldly at her. "Fucking me is what got you into this," he said, still sounding angry. "You were into it, bitch. Why put all the blame on me?"

"Because it's still your fault," she hissed. God, should she want to punch him again this badly? He'd probably let her split open her fists on his face and never feel a thing, the bastard. "This isn't about sex, Inuyasha."

"The hell it's not," he shot back at her. She glared at him as if she could make him burst into flames, but clenched her arms around her body when he drew closer. "Why is it such a fucking big deal? Shippou's a jealous brat, you knew that already."

"You wouldn't understand," she said, turning away from him. Then she was spun around violently by a hard grip on her shoulder. He backed her into a tree, holding her with one hand pressed just below her collarbone. She should have been afraid of him then, his furious eyes like a dying sunset, his hair wild around his face. She felt no fear, only cold anger beating against her chest as she stared at him like she was daring him to do his worst.

If he hurt her…if he beat her and raped her savagely enough, then maybe she could stop feeling anything at all.

"You're right," he said, his voice rough as broken glass. "I don't understand and I can't understand unless you explain it to me. Sorry I can't read your mind, bitch, but I can't and I'm sick of you leaving me in the dark."

_Provoke him_…

"You really want to know?" she asked, her voice fatal and sweet. Kagome put her hand on his wrist and dug in with her nails, scratching him.

_Hurt him_…

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed in suspicion, sensing perhaps how close she was coming to the edge. Slowly, careful not to hurt her, he pulled her fingers from his wrist as he let her go. For a long moment they stood frozen in time, the wind stirring his hair and clothes as the gulf between them grew. It seems as neither of them had the will to speak until finally, he gave a long sigh and dropped his gaze.

"Hate me all you want," he whispered. "I can't think of anything worse than having you look at me like that."

With a soft groan of defeat, she leaned back against the tree, her arms dropping uselessly at her sides as she closed her eyes. What was she becoming, one moment she'd been rightfully furious with him, now she had to stop herself from trying to comfort him when she was the one who'd been hurting.

It never got any easier and she remembered how once they'd been comfortable together, friends who trusted, who relied on each other. Now she couldn't help but stagger between her conflicting emotions like a drunken woman. The path that had once been so firm under her feet was shifting, making her slide between the sharp edges of her shattered heart.

"All right," she said, keeping her eyes closed against the truth. "What do you want from me, Inuyasha? I know it's not your fault what happened with Shippou. I'm the one he should be angry with…I'm the one who betrayed him."

"How?" Inuyasha had to stop himself from touching her, holding her. "Why does it have to mean a betrayal?"

She smiled, shifting as the rough bark of the tree dug into her shoulders. "Shippou was only a child when you first met him," she explained softly. "His father was murdered by a pair of vicious demons. He was all alone and very frightened although he wouldn't admit it."

"I didn't know," Inuyasha muttered, wondering what the hell that had to do with him. So the kitsune's life had been rough, he wasn't alone in that. You learned to deal with it and you learned to keep moving so the bastards couldn't tear you down. He remembered his own childhood in terms of loneliness and fear, but giving in meant being eaten alive by the very nightmares that stalked you.

"You know," she murmured, not looking at him. "You don't remember, but you still know him enough to know how to hurt him. We met Shippou together, and after you avenged him by killing those same demons, he stayed with us."

She smiled then, but it was a bitter smile all the same. "You still fought all the time, but you would have died to protect him, Inuyasha. Maybe because you saw something of yourself in him, maybe just because he was your friend. When you turned on us…Shippou was more than hurt by it. He was devastated."

"I turned on you," he said, his gaze as dark and unreadable as hers. "Because of the jewel." He had no trouble believing her words were absolute truth. He knew, deep inside the dark places of his heart, that she wasn't lying to him now.

"The jewel." Her voice was soft, expressionless now, like a woman who had forgotten how to feel anger…or anything at all. "I could forgive you for that, if it was only the jewel that had poisoned you. I would have found a way to forgive you, I loved you that much."

His ears twitched at her words, the starkness of her voice, and the calm in her tone. She had loved him and he had lost that…for a jewel he didn't even remember using, for power that he now had no need of. It made no sense to him and he struggled towards her, trying to find the truth inside her words.

"You loved me," he said, stating the fact like it didn't mean everything. Just a simple statement that opened and closed inside his chest like a heartbeat. "And I betrayed you anyway. Why, Kagome?"

She shrugged, her shoulders shifting and he found his eyes drawn to her, the delicate, sensitive place where her neck joined with her shoulder. Suddenly he could see himself, more imagination than a memory, kissing that throat, scraping gently with his teeth. And he could see his hands closing around it, squeezing, strangling the life from her body while her eyes bulged and ran with tears.

Inuyasha shivered, his hands curling into fists that tightened until he felt blood in his palms from his own claws. "Why, Kagome?" he demanded. "Why did I betray you? I…must have loved you, I can feel it. You wouldn't have…"

"No," she said, her voice decided and even. "You didn't love me. You told me so yourself…before you used the jewel. For two years, we traveled together, became close as friends but never lovers. I trusted you with all my soul, Inuyasha, but the moment you had the jewel to yourself…I saw who you really were."

"I can't believe that," he whispered.

Sighing, Kagome ran her hands over her face, feeling worn and tired. "You lied to me…you lied to us all. Sango and Miroku…Shippou…we all believed in you. I never thought that you were just using us to get to the jewel."

He looked shocked at her words, lost…hurt. Kagome smiled then, fiddling with her sleeves. Talking about it had reminded her…she'd looked like that, felt that way when he'd finally revealed the truth to her. Now she could return the favor at last.

"How does it feel, Inuyasha?" she asked, her tone as light and unconcerned as if they were simply discussing the weather. "To know that you betrayed the people who loved you, turned on them when they needed you the most?"

He was staring at the ground. "That's it, this is the truth that you've been hiding from me? That I'm a liar and I can't be trusted?"

"I'm just getting started," she hissed, her voice distorted by her slowly building fury. "Don't you want to know everything? Like how many innocent people you murdered after you used the jewel, like how you'd come back to me covered in their blood and you'd make me…"

She stopped, she was shaking so hard it was about to tear her apart. "That's what you really were, Inuyasha." Kagome swallowed hard. "You'd tell me about it while you fucked me."

He fell to his knees, head bowed with shame. "It's nothing more that I suspected," he muttered, his voice hollow. "I've always known that I turned into some kind of monster because of that…that jewel."

"No." Kagome bent towards him, resting her palms on her knees. "The truth is that you were a monster inside all the time," she whispered, hoping he could feel every last bit of her pain and hate. This was for Shippou, for the past, for the present and everything she'd once believed in.

"You wanted the jewel because you wanted to be a pure demon," she told him, watching the soft ears that shuddered at her words. "You got what you wished for, Inuyasha. You're every bit as much of a demon as those that feast on human flesh, tear apart villages, slaughtering everything alive with a mindless cruelty."

Pushing her hair back from her face, she straightened her back and looked down at him. From anger, to hurt, to contempt…her emotions swung back and forth like a pendulum. She could almost pity him now, even as she wondered if her words had pushed him too far. If so, he'd murder her and die himself, their lives and deaths twisted together as they had been from the beginning.

Being killed by Inuyasha could very well be the most honest and intimate moment they could ever share.

Kagome turned away, feeling wretched about everything. She didn't want it to be like this, one of the reasons she'd held back so long was the fact that she didn't want him to know, didn't want to have to remember for him. Mistake after mistake, she threw them back in his face, but she still couldn't escape from him. Not then, not now, perhaps not ever…because as much as she hated him, damn her to hell, she loved him as well.

His hand closed around her wrist with a harsh grip and she froze, waiting for the inevitable. So he'd kill her now, she was certain and Kagome held her breath. It was over…

"Inuyasha," she whispered his name like a plea, but she wasn't asking for herself.

"No," he said, not looking up at her and keeping his hold on her wrist. "Is that all you have to tell me? I want to hear the rest."

"T…the rest?"

"Yeah." Kagome cried out softly, surprised when he suddenly pulled her to her knees. Facing him, her heart caught in her throat, she looked into his eyes and saw no madness there, no crimson stain of terror. Instead, if anything, he looked disappointed.

"I want you to tell me the rest," he murmured, his fingers still bruising her arm. "Tell me what happened to you…after you escaped from me."

"You remember it?" she asked, breathless, anticipating…

"No." They faced each other, stark and more naked now than they had been during sex. She had no more secrets for him, nothing he couldn't have guessed. What did he want to know, wasn't it enough to know what he'd done? How much more could he need, why…why wasn't it enough to make him remember. Her jaw clenched and she stared at him.

"I've heard you and Shippou talking," he said, his tone plain without anger. "I had guessed what I'd done to you, both of you. And I knew…that somehow you'd gotten away from me before I lost myself completely. I'm glad for that, Kagome, because if you hadn't run away…I never would have seen you again."

Her brow furrowed in confusion and she shifted so that her legs were more comfortable. "I never wanted to come back, Inuyasha. I sure as hell wouldn't have come back for you."

His smile was oddly sweet, as if he pitied her for her ignorance. "So you sealed yourself away inside the well, a place I couldn't follow. What then? Tell me everything, everything you went through after leaving."

"What does it matter to you?" she snarled, struggling to free her wrist. He didn't react other than to tighten his grip. She was suddenly furious again; he had no right to know what she'd been through! How she'd pulled her shattered self together, how she'd suffered and sobbed through the nights… He had no right to anything like that!

"It matters to me because it's about you," Inuyasha shot back. "I can see you as you were…before I hurt you. I want to know why you look at me as if you were drowning and have given up hope."

Kagome yelped when he released her arm and shoved her so hard that she toppled backwards. Then he was looming over her, trapping her body with his and holding her arms to the ground. For a long moment, she lay still, glaring up at him. Then his expression softened and he leaned close to whisper in her ear.

"Did you grieve for me?"

Her face paled and Kagome shuddered, unable to look at him. "No," she whispered back. "The minute I left you behind…I forgot all about you. I wanted to forget." Then she met his eyes and put every ounce of anger and vindictive pain she had into her voice.

"I didn't spend one moment grieving for you!"

"Liar." He was grinning at her fury and Kagome stared at up him in utter confusion. "If that were the truth, you wouldn't have loved me at all. And I can tell, as you've told me yourself, that you did love me."

Her lips pressed in a thin line, Kagome closed her eyes. "Yes," she whispered. "I love…loved you, Inuyasha. I had to make myself forget. Don't you understand? We can only hurt each other, you should forget about me. Forget everything that happened and just go away now. Before its too late."

"Too late?"

Her strength seemed to have left her and the woman she'd spent years becoming would have been appalled at her weakness now. She didn't give a damn about the future, didn't care anymore what became of her. She supposed she could live with the wolves for as long as she wanted, maybe she'd find a village that would take her in. A failed priestess, a woman without a home or family to care for her, she'd find a way to survive.

"It's too late for us," she said quietly. "I know you don't understand, but I mean it, Inuyasha. Go back to Sesshomaru; find a way to make…make yourself happy. Rin loves you; I don't think you should throw that away. While there's still time…"

_I don't want to be with you when you die_…

"While there's still time…" His voice trailed off, sounding like an echo of her own. For a long moment he looked at her and then his hands tightened painfully on her arms. "I can't believe Sesshomaru told you."

Shock went through her body, making her shiver beneath him. "You know?" she asked, her voice as weak and timid as a child's.

Inuyasha snorted. "Of course I know," he muttered. "Sessh thinks I'm dying, he thinks that because Tenseiga wasn't able to completely heal me." Then his jaw tightened and she saw anger flash in his eyes. "He shouldn't have told you that!"

"He didn't," Kagome said quietly. "Rin knows, she told me this morning."

"Damn it." His scowl was frightening even if it wasn't directed towards her. "My brother likes to think he's always right, but believe me, it doesn't mean a damn thing. Even he doesn't understand why, that's what bothers him. I always knew what he thought, why he wouldn't tell me anything of the past."

"Maybe he was trying to protect you," Kagome murmured.

"And maybe he was just being a controlling bastard," Inuyasha snapped, clearly annoyed. "But that's Sesshomaru, once he makes up his mind about something, that's it for him." He looked down at her, still wearing that befuddled and annoyed expression. It made him look so much like the Inuyasha she'd thought she'd known, it made her want to put her arms around him, hold him tight as if he were the last dear thing in her heart.

"You knew about that," he said slowly, "is that why you let me make love to you?"

Make love? Kagome flinched away from his words, denying them. It wasn't love…it couldn't be love, it was just sex. Her heart didn't enter into it; she wouldn't allow herself to make that mistake again. It was just…she craved him, had never stopped needing him. Maybe because he'd broken her, twisted her sexually with his abuse, made her desires become a living thing she couldn't control. She was weak, she knew it…and she couldn't help but want him, especially if she knew…

"You don't know what you're talking about," she husked, meeting his eyes and seeing something deeper than desire. She cursed herself silently, for her own confusion, for him being what he was. And damn him, he still wanted more from her. She'd given in to desire again, like a helpless addict for his touch, to feel that flow of darkness in her own veins.

But that was all there was to them…desire and darkness, madness and death. If he kept looking at her like that, she was going to start crying. Now that she'd told him what he'd done, she didn't know what to do. If he wasn't going to go insane and kill her…what possibly did she have left?

"Listen to me," he said, his voice as soft as a dying man's whisper. "I don't care about the future and I don't give a damn about the past. I can't take back what I've done, but I can't let go of you. I hate myself for it, but I'd rather be damned to hell than let you get away without telling you how I feel."

"No," she gasped out, shaking her head wildly. Leaves and twigs from the forest floor tangled in her hair. "I don't want to know how you feel, Inuyasha! I don't want to hear it!"

He was heavy, she couldn't push him away but she knew he wasn't trying to force her, just make her listen. "From the minute I saw you," he whispered, his lips against her ear, "I knew I wanted you, needed you."

"Inuyasha, stop it," she said, her voice rising in desperation. "I can't do this."

"I wasn't sure at first…"

_No, I can't_…

His lips moved from her ear, trailing kisses down her jaw until his face was buried in her neck. "Now I'm sure," he said, her voice muffled against her skin. "I'm sure that you were supposed to come back to me, Kagome."

_Don't say it, no, please don't say it!_

"I can't make you stay with me." His hands were tangling in her hair, she was gasping for breath. Terror was filling her…odd, how she hadn't been frightened before. She should have been fearful for her life, if he'd remembered and become her nightmare. But she was twisting inside, desperate for escape now, because if he said it now…

"I can't make you forget the past," Inuyasha said, bringing his face up to hers. She could barely meet his eyes, her breath coming in short pants, her heart fluttering like a trapped bird in her chest. "But I want you stay with me, I want you to belong to me."

"No," she whispered, her fingers digging into his arms, her legs trembling.

"I'll do whatever you want," Inuyasha murmured, stroking her face with gentle fingers. "I'll be whatever you want, whoever you want. I'll even apologize to that damned brat if it will make you happy. Hell, I'll apologize to Kouga…as long as he remembers to keep his hands to himself."

She was going blind from staring into his eyes…it was like looking into the center of the sun. Her soul was withering, dying inside her body and everything Kagome knew about herself was peeling away from the heat. She would disappear for him, become a nothing-shell of a woman, live only for him. She'd never see her mother or Souta again…if they had ever existed.

"Inuyasha…"

He pressed his lips to hers, stroked them gently with his tongue, asking for her acceptance. Could she give up what she'd fought so hard for, could she forget everything? That gentle kiss was an assault on her heart, she was too broken, too lost and Kagome knew that they had both gone too far.

"Kagome," her name was a plea upon his lips. "I love you."

Darkness swam over her, blotting out the light that scorched her to the bone. Panic filled her then, burning along her nerves like lightning, finally reaching her heart as an explosion that brought her suddenly back to herself. Her hands clawed at his sleeves, frantic, desperate. But it wasn't him that she was saw anymore, for Kagome, there was only darkness and terror.

_Blood pooling around her legs, staining the floor…her fingers sticky and pain…pain tearing into her womb, splitting her body open until she offered up her life like a sacrifice. For him_…

"No!" Her scream tore the air, a howl of denial that left him staring at her in shock. She fought like he was murdering her rather than confessing his love, struggling, clawing, and biting at him with an irrational panic that consumed every rational thought. Horrified, Inuyasha pulled away from her, ignoring the scratches she aimed at his face, her small hands tearing at his hair.

"I hate you!" she screamed like she was fighting for her life. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

She pushed him back with a sudden burst of strength and scrambled to her feet, staggering blindly, stumbling away into the forest.

"Kagome!" he shouted after her, feeling his heart dying inside of him. She was already gone, even the sounds of her frantic escape fading away as Inuyasha couldn't bring himself to follow her. Instead he knelt on the ground, his claws digging into the dirt and a terrible grief overwhelmed him.

He understood then…he'd lost her, lost her forever and Inuyasha raised his head to stare up at the sky. It hurt…the pain was unbearable and Inuyasha felt the madness suddenly burst from deep inside him, unable to fight it off as despair like clawing black hands took him and he screamed her name once again before falling unconscious.

_Kagome!_


	28. TwentyEight

_**Possession 28**_

He was so cold; it felt like his body had been carved from ice. His limbs were stiff, even the tiny movements of breathing made him ache. Inuyasha's head was full of black fire, but this fire couldn't warm him. He'd never feel warmth again, not from the sun…not from the touch of a woman's hand.

If this was death, his battered brain mused, at least it was quiet.

_Pick up the sword_.

Except for that voice that didn't seem to be a voice at all, he could hear it in the marrow of his bones; he knew that this voice would follow him all the way to hell. It was soft, it was loud, it was insidious and had rousted him painfully from oblivion. He longed to sink back into nothingness, let his body and mind slide away forever. Just to find some kind of…peace.

Damn it, he thought, the tingle of anger starting to rise inside him. If I'm fucking dead, then let me be fucking dead!

_Open your eyes, Inuyasha_.

Silence seemed to stretch forever, binding him to eternity with a rope of nothingness. He was floating freely now, his body numb and light. Almost he could feel his flesh falling away, letting his soul rise even higher. It would be so easy to just let go, quit fighting…forget about her.

_The sword!_

Without really meaning to, Inuyasha opened his eyes.

He found himself standing at a scene of bloodshed. Around him lay the bodies of twenty or so humans, bandits by the look of them. Some had been crudely beheaded, most looked like they'd been torn apart. It was eerily quiet, that's when he realized that he couldn't hear anything. He noticed the faces of the human women, most of them were crying, but oddly enough, he couldn't hear them.

He reached up to touch one of his ears, but his searching fingers couldn't find them. Bemused, he glanced down and saw dark hair tangled around very human looking fingers…

What the hell? He could remember when he'd been a hanyou, turning human on the night of the new moon…but that hadn't happened to him for years.

Movement at the edge of his vision made him turn around, still feeling strangely disconnected and he saw that there was still a battle going on. A tall figure in white against a wild looking creature in red and with a gasp that he only heard in his mind, he realized he knew one of them.

_Sesshomaru?_

The next thing he knew, he was running towards his brother. His feet made no sound as he ran across the bloodied ground, but he felt each footfall jarring in his ankles and his knees. He ran faster, but it seemed like the earth itself was stretching out before him. Inuyasha tried to shout, tried to draw his brother's attention but Sesshomaru ignored him, focusing on his fight against…

Inuyasha stopped suddenly, staring. His heart was battering against his chest, a fast, staccato beat he could feel, his pulse racing and pounding in his temples. It hurt, this panic, this dreadful, awful feeling of sheer terror. Somehow, he had to reach his brother, had to make him stop…

There was a flash of light and he found himself standing over his own body. Yes…he knew himself now, staring down at the wide, crimson eyes of his unconscious demon self. He couldn't look away from the blood, his own and that of humans. It was all over the place, staining the white hair, the pale face of his own nightmare.

Was this what had happened to him? Was this what he couldn't remember? In the midst of some butchery, Sesshomaru had come to stop him. His brother's face was expressionless, stepping forward with a long and deadly blade in his hand, intent on putting an end to this abomination of a hanyou lost in the terror of his raging demon blood.

Just as he was certain he was about to witness his own execution, helpless and confused, a girl rushed forward to throw her body in Sesshomaru's path. Inuyasha felt a shiver go down his spine as the girl raised her head to scream at his older brother. He couldn't hear her words, but with a long, dreamlike fascination he stared down at her, watching as her soft mouth opened and closed, the tears on her cheeks. He knew her…he knew her from somewhere…

_Kagome!_

He heard her name in his own mind and stiffened in shock as she crouched over him. She was defending him…against Sesshomaru? Confusion made him dizzy and weak, sickened suddenly as he watched as his brother put away his sword.

_Kagome…you should have let him kill me. Maybe then I never would have hurt you_.

Sesshomaru was saying something, his expression disdainful as his mouth opened and closed around words Inuyasha couldn't hear. Whatever he said had an unexpected effect on the girl as she suddenly sat up, holding a sheathed blade in her hands. With a sudden jolt, he recognized Tessaiga.

_That old thing_…

Anticipation was making him tremble, his body, human or ghost, he did not know. All he knew was that he should know what was going to happen…some kind of dread was upon him and he couldn't look away, staring into his own transformed face as the girl…she was hardly more than a child really, leaned over him to press the hilt into his bloodstained hands.

Whatever was going to happen, he wouldn't be there to see it. A howling darkness appeared around him, whisking away the image of Kagome, tearing apart the landscape, the blood, the fear…and then…everything went black.

_Take the sword!_

oOo

Exhaustion made her legs tremble and Kagome felt so weak that for a moment, she didn't know if she were going to collapse or vomit. She'd done both, not long after she'd run away from Inuyasha. Stumbling through the thick forest until she'd fallen to her knees, trying to gasp for air and fight the nausea that was rising in her like a thousand red-hot needles in her gut. Her mind was in chaos and she didn't know how to calm herself.

_I love you_.

"No," she whispered, trembling violently as the memory of his confession made her retch in reaction. Why had it hurt so much? Why had those simple words from his lips made her entire body almost destroy itself in an effort to escape them? After being sick, she wiped her mouth on her sleeve and pulled her knees up so she could rest her burning forehead against them.

At first, Kagome had fully expected he'd come after her, there had to be some kind of repercussion for her rejection. The monster he'd been would have torn after her, ready to pound her defenseless flesh into the ground. After all, how many times had he forced those same words from her?

In the midst of passion, when she'd been the most undone and helpless, he'd made her say them to him. Over and over, knowing the words were no less true just because he compelled them from her. When she'd give in to him…that's when he'd reward her with pleasure until she trembled with shame.

Kagome took a deep breath, leaning against the nearest tree for support. Yes, that was why…those words had become bitter as bile on her tongue. It shocked her, how completely he'd managed to own her in just those few short weeks after he'd changed. He'd ruled her with fear during the days; his outbursts, screaming at voices that it seemed only he could hear. Coming home to her after some unimaginable crime. But at night…

For the first time in years, Kagome forced herself to relive the memories. He always seemed to be fighting some battle within himself, as if moment to moment he couldn't decide if he should kill her and be done with it. In the darkness, when she was too sore and too tired to sleep, she'd hear him muttering and cursing in his dreams. And beside her his body would strain and shudder, twisting somewhere inside him while she was helpless to act.

And now she had to close her eyes against the memories that wanted to burn so bright they made her ache…he'd turn to her in the night sometimes, still sleeping and hold her tightly against him. There was desperation in those embraces, so much pain that she was breathless from fear, but on those nights she'd put her head on his shoulder and let him hold her.

Because it wasn't about sex, and nor was it about threats and fear. She let him hold her because she was all he had, maybe all he'd ever had, and she just couldn't abandon him.

_You wish that you could save him_…

"Stupid," she muttered, grasping a rock between her fingers and squeezing hard. She hurled the rock against the nearest tree, watched it bounce off the bark like it was nothing. It was nothing, just her anger and her regret. And in the beginning, she'd been sure she would save him from himself. Kagome snorted, wiped her nose on the back of her fist. Who was she to save anyone?

Now she was probably too damaged to love anyone again, too far gone down the road she'd made, a road of ambition and self-hatred. She'd done so well, burying the pain until she could pretend it had gone away. All the while, she'd lied and seduced and torn her heart out. Always believing that if Inuyasha was still alive, sealed somewhere in the past, there was no way he'd ever need her again.

_How wrong was that_, she thought, a wry smile crossing her face for just a moment. Inuyasha…no longer insane or vicious, somehow without her he'd managed to grow beyond the damage of the sacred jewel. The hanyou boy she'd fallen so in love with was gone forever, living only in her memory now, but a man had replaced him.

A man who had just offered her his love, his protection and for all she knew he meant it. Kagome sighed heavily, pressing her forehead against her hands while she tried to regain some composure. So he'd meant it, so what? Hadn't she just proven her true feelings to him? He had to have no doubt of her now, or of her hatred. The problem was…it just wasn't true.

She could hate the Inuyasha who'd almost killed her, she could hate the bastard who'd tormented her mentally and fucked her half-insane. She could loathe him for lying to her, for deceiving her about how he'd wanted the jewel for himself. That doubt had always been somewhere between them, a chasm they could not cross and symbolized by a string of battered stones.

That rosary had become the bond between them and also everything that had kept them apart.

She'd reacted instinctively to protect herself, rejected his love just as she'd never been able to reject his desire.

Kagome was starting to wonder which one of them was worse. Inuyasha for losing himself to the jewel, or her for destroying herself because she just couldn't live with the fucking guilt…

Groaning, Kagome got to her feet and felt old. Old and tired, weak and used up like a tissue that was ready to be thrown away. It was too late for either of them, she decided sadly, forcing herself to find the path home. As she made her way through the forest, not even questioning the instinct that guided her back to wolf youkai tribe, she knew that she was already mourning for Inuyasha.

And worse, she was mourning for herself and the fucked up hell she'd made of her life.

oOo

Growling, Shippou struggled against the ropes that bound his wrists. He stumbled once or twice, only to be hauled back up on his feet by an irritated Natsu. The last time he'd been ready, kicking hard at the man's groin and getting a sharp cuff on the ear for his troubles.

"Quit squirming, you little rat," Natsu snarled as he dragged the angry kitsune through the forest. "I'm gonna put a knife in your ribs if you don't settle down!"

"Screw you," Shippou snapped, twisting away from the man again. Natsu grabbed him hard by the back of his hair and forced him to his knees. Shippou glowered up at him, furious.

"Just go ahead and kill me already," he said, baring his teeth with a low growl. "What are you waiting for, get it over with!"

Natsu grinned at him and yanked hard on Shippou's hair until the furious fox gasped in pain. "Who said I was gonna kill you, miserable demon?" Then the human laughed harshly and pulled him to his feet again. "You should be so fucking lucky as to be killed."

Shippou planted his feet, resisting stubbornly even when Natsu's hand nearly tore the hair from his scalp. "What do you mean I'd be lucky?" he demanded. "Where the hell are you taking me?"

He gasped when Natsu hit him hard in the gut, knocking the wind out of his questions. "My boss wants to see you. When he's done with his questions, maybe you'll realize why you'd be better off dead."

oOo

Kagome wiped the sweat from her forehead and the back of her neck, wishing again she had something to use for tying up her hair. Ayame smiled at her, gesturing for her to come closer. "Did you enjoy your walk?"

She stopped, searching the wolf demon's face for any indication of what Shippou had probably told her. Finding none, she sighed deeply. Apparently she didn't know, or at least she was hiding it well. But she couldn't see any deception or censure in Ayame's expression, or in Rin's friendly smile.

It seemed that Shippou hadn't told them after all.

"Yes," she said slowly, going to sit between them. She smiled faintly, glad that at least she wasn't going to have to face awkward questions. "I feel better now."

"Really?" Rin asked, her brow furrowing with concern. "You look very pale."

"I'm fine," she said, wishing they'd just drop it. Damn what a mess, she didn't know what she was going to say to Shippou, or if it would even make a difference. She couldn't explain what she'd done or her feelings, but he deserved something from her. For too long she'd let her own desires rule her actions, never answering for the mistakes she'd made. No, she'd never even thought about the people she'd hurt, as long as she got what she wanted.

This had to end now. Before she lost the nerve.

"Kagome?"

"Is Shippou back yet?" she asked, resting her face in her palm. Ayame frowned, moving closer and touched Kagome's shoulder with a gentle hand.

"I haven't seen him since early this morning," she answered. "Kouga told me that he was going into the forest to keep an eye out for…intruders."

"For Inuyasha, you mean," Kagome said bluntly, surprising Ayame as she raised her head to meet the wolf demon's green eyes. "Damn it, Kouga should have known better than to let him go."

Ayame's expression hardened a little at her implied criticism, but Kagome impulsively reached for her hand, squeezing it. "That's not what I meant," she explained, knowing that Ayame couldn't understand why. "Kouga wouldn't have let him go if he thought there was anything to be concerned about, am I right?"

Ayame bit her lip, meeting Rin's confused eyes before turning back to Kagome. "I suppose so," she said, understanding that Kagome was searching for something although she wasn't sure what she had to offer. "It's not that unusual, Kagome. Shippou's not a child, he's taken his turn in patrolling the forest in case there were foreign youkai nearby."

"Did Kouga know that Inuyasha was there?"

"He is?" Rin asked, sitting up a little straighter. "He said he'd come back for me when he was ready. Does this mean I have to go home?"

Kagome grinned at Rin's disappointed tone, catching a knowing look from Ayame. "That's not exactly what I was getting at," she said with a wry twist of her mouth. "I was asking because I wanted to know if Kouga let Shippou go because he thought Inuyasha was a threat."

"No," Ayame said softly, glancing toward the forest. "Kouga knew he was most probably out there, but if you're asking if we thought him dangerous, my answer is no."

Kagome put her chin in her hand and studied Ayame's face. "Why not? Inuyasha nearly killed Kouga just two days ago. Isn't it possible that he was here for that, not just to collect Rin?"

Smiling faintly, Ayame shook her head. "Every time they encounter each other, it comes to blows despite Sesshomaru's orders."

That was interesting, Kagome thought, looking out at the forest as if she expected answers. "I didn't know," she confessed. "I thought this was the first time they'd seen each other since…"

Ayame patted her shoulder. "Hardly. But they've had an uneasy truce for the past few years. They're supposed to be allies now so killing each other would make things awkward."

Grinning, Rin leaned against Kagome. "See," she said, her eyes twinkling. "It's really not your fault that they're such stubborn asses. Inuyasha wouldn't have killed him."

"I'm not so sure," Kagome murmured. Rin only knew the Inuyasha that she'd grown up with; she didn't know his darker side. And her presence would only have made it worse. "I think I'm more to blame than you realize."

Ayame poked her arm with a sharp claw. "Don't make excuses," she said sternly. "I know my husband, Kagome, and I know his temper. Kouga will say the same if you ask him." Then her expression clouded and sadness dimmed her bright eyes. "Being allies with Inuyasha and his brother has been difficult for him, but necessary. You are not to blame for what happened."

It seemed as if no one was going to let her take responsibility. Kagome pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. It made her feel like a child that had to be allowed to have its way…or a woman not to be trusted.

"I've been wondering about that," she murmured. "Why did they become allies? I got the impression it was Sesshomaru's idea, but I can't see why Kouga would listen to him."

Sighing heavily, Ayame got to her feet. "I keep forgetting that you weren't there," she said, looking up at the sky. "After Naraku's defeat, things were quiet at first. We thought we could live here in peace, but about five years ago there was a sudden increase in attacks. Powerful youkai started to appear, driven for some reason to attack constantly. Kouga was worried that perhaps Naraku hadn't disappeared after all."

Kagome looked up to see Rin nodding in agreement. "I remember," she said, her voice soft. "They didn't seem to attack humans, only other demons. Sesshomaru-sama thought that there was someone behind it, but he's never discovered the source."

"Nor did we," Ayame agreed.

"So they decided to ally with each other to protect their territories," Kagome mused, playing with a loose thread from her sleeve. She wrapped her fingers around the dangling string, pulling it tight. "But it didn't solve the problem. The attacks didn't stop."

"No," a deep voice answered, causing the women to look up in surprise. Kouga was standing over them with a grin. "But we keep fighting them off, that's the important thing. If it means I have to put up with that condescending asshole Sesshomaru now and then, it's worth it."

"Kouga," Ayame said, a warning note in her voice. She'd noticed that Rin had gone very quiet and didn't want to make the girl more uncomfortable.

He gave his wife a flash of a smile. "I'm not saying anything now that I don't say to his face," the wolf said, reaching out to stroke Ayame's cheek.

"That's the problem," Ayame answered tartly. Rin flushed and looked away, then got to her feet and smiled.

"Kouga-sama," the girl said politely, bowing to the wolf demon that looked at her amusement. "To the best my knowledge, Sesshomaru-sama has always dealt with your people honestly."

Kouga snorted and folded his arms, eyes twinkling. "Are you saying that Sesshomaru-sama takes you into his confidence, little girl? Somehow I find it hard to believe."

Rin nodded firmly. "You're right, he doesn't tell me everything. But Jaken knows, and he does tell me whatever I ask…as long as I ask the right questions."

The wolf laughed. "The toad?" he asked, grinning down at her. "What does he know about me?"

The girl met his eyes seriously. "That Sesshomaru-sama says as long as Kouga-sama remains honest, he has nothing to fear."

"Who said I feared him anyway?" Kouga grumbled. "It's that mangy mutt of his that gets on my nerves, stupid bastard. If he didn't have his brother watching over his ass, I would have…"

"Kouga," Ayame warned again, watching as Rin's face flushed.

"A long time ago, Ayame!" the wolf demon bit out, glaring at his wife. "I would have put him in his grave if it was up to me!"

Ayame stood quickly and went to Rin's side. "That's enough," she said in a soft aside to her husband. "Quit blustering, Kouga. Neither Rin nor Kagome are impressed by your wish for Inuyasha's death. Especially…" she shot a piercing look at Kagome after sniffing the air carefully. "Especially not right now."

Without another word for Kouga or Kagome, the youkai woman led Rin away, saying something about helping with the pack's dinner. Kagome watched them go and swallowed hard, realizing that Ayame might have guessed what she'd really been doing in the forest. Kouga's expression was dark, his jaw clenched as he stared across the compound without seeing it.

"You really hate him, don't you?" she found herself murmuring.

Kouga came to sit next to her, crouching on his heels. "Yeah," he muttered, sounding somewhat ashamed for his outburst. "But there's nothing I can do about it, not without risking my people's lives."

He looked up and offered her a weak smile. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I should have…"

"No," she answered quickly. "No, Kouga, don't. I don't expect you to get revenge for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

"Nah," he said easily, turning away from her. "I just don't like seeing my friends hurt. That means you too, Kagome."

She sighed, running her hands over her hair and thinking. Even if he wasn't still in love with her, Kouga was honorable. And that sense of honor demanded some retribution for the past. It must have been bitter for him to deal with Inuyasha all these years, knowing what had happened.

But she couldn't keep secrets anymore; she didn't want to see another friend hurt either. And like it or not, what had happened with Shippou was every bit as much her fault as Inuyasha's. Grimly, Kagome pushed her hair back from her face and straightened her shoulders.

"I need to talk to you," she said quietly. "About Shippou."

Kouga snorted. "What did he do this time?" the wolf asked genially. "Did he propose marriage or something?"

"No," she murmured. This was harder than she'd thought possible. "I need to talk to him…but he hasn't returned. Do you know where he might have gone?"

The dark haired wolf demon glanced at her, a bit of confusion registering in his eyes. "Did something happen, Kagome?" he asked quietly. "Is there a reason he might be hiding from you?"

Her face flushed. It wasn't that Shippou was really hiding, but she hated the thought of him being alone with his anger. If nothing else, he deserved her apologies…and perhaps an explanation. The words rose up in her throat, straining for release, but it was too much. She couldn't tell Kouga, not with what he'd already been through over her.

"Never mind," she muttered, staring at her hands. "I'll talk to him when I see him, I don't want to trouble you or Ayame any more than I already have."

Kouga leaned close, his breath warming her cheek. "Does it have something to do with Inuyasha's scent being all over you?" he whispered.

She jerked away from him, startled. Kouga shrugged, reaching up with one hand to rub his eyes. "I didn't want to say anything in front of Rin," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "But I'll warn you, Ayame probably figured it out too. Nothing gets by that woman's nose."

"Great," she said bitterly. "I keep forgetting how hard it is to hide anything around here." She glanced up and was surprised to see sympathy in his eyes. "You aren't angry?"

"Angry?" Kouga seemed to contemplate the word for longer than necessary. But he didn't seem shocked or disgusted by her. "I'm surprised, but no…not angry." His expression darkened again and he stiffened, one clawed hand going to rest on her shoulder. "Unless there's a reason I should be angry, which you'd better tell me if that's the case."

She swallowed hard. "No," she said, her voice shaking just a bit. "Not like that, Kouga. But Shippou…" Embarrassed, she dropped her eyes. "He saw me with Inuyasha. He saw everything."

"Fuck." Kouga shook his head, looking tired. "I told him to leave it alone, but that damned kid…" His voice trailed off and Kouga sighed. "He's in love with you, Kagome. I'm sure you knew that."

"He's made it clear," she answered, remembering the pain and jealousy in the kitsune's eyes. "You don't think he'd do something stupid, do you?"

"What? Like challenge Inuyasha to a fight over your honor?" Kouga shrugged, and then rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. "After listening to me go off about that damned mutt, yeah, he probably would." Then his gaze hardened. "Treaty or not, I won't forgive that son of bitch if he hurts him."

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Kagome said quietly. Deep in her heart, she knew that Inuyasha wouldn't kill the angry young fox. Not after what she'd said to him…and him to her. It wasn't about Shippou to Inuyasha; he didn't give a damn what the kitsune's outraged pride demanded. Most likely he'd just knock him unconscious…unless her vicious rejection had made him thirsty for revenge.

"I need to find Shippou," she said seriously. "Before anyone does anything stupid. I need to make him understand that I'm the one at fault, that I'm the one that's…weak. And," she met Kouga's eyes resolutely, "and he needs to understand that it's over now."

"Is it?"

Kagome ducked away from the question, reaching between her knees to trace her finger in the dirt. The truth was that she wasn't certain if it would ever be over for her, nothing could take back the past. She could only atone for the mistakes she made, but still…in her heart…

"It's over," she said coldly.

Kouga's eyebrows rose, a smile quirking at the edge of his mouth. "And the mutt just accepted that? Stupid bastard might be dense as a tree stump, but he doesn't give up when he wants something."

She went cold all over, knowing that it was the truth. If Inuyasha decided that he really wanted her, no matter what she felt, he was more than capable of forcing her to stay with him. And she couldn't say for certain that Sesshomaru wouldn't allow it. After all, Inuyasha was his brother and unlike in the past, now Sesshomaru treated him as one.

"If so, that's my problem," she said, her voice hardening. She met Kouga's gaze firmly. "I won't let you or Shippou get involved."

Kouga scowled briefly, turning away from her resolve. "Like hell, if that damned mutt tried to take you away by force, we'd stop him. Damn the treaty to hell anyway, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't…"

She reached out and pressed her finger to his lips to stop his angry words. "And I couldn't live with myself if he hurt you or Shippou. For gods' sake, Kouga, don't you think I have enough to hate myself for?"

"Hate yourself?" Kouga sat back, a troubled look in his eyes. "Kagome, you haven't done anything you should hate yourself for."

"Haven't I?" Her smile was deceptive and she brushed Kouga's hair away from his eyes, letting her fingers rest on his cheek. "You don't know me as well as you think."

He pulled away from her touch, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Kagome saw him flush and rose up on her knees, facing him. "What's the matter?" she asked, using the same voice that had worked on so many men. "I remember how you used to say that you were in love with me, Kouga. Has that changed after so many years?"

Kagome placed her hand on his knee, sliding it up his thigh. Self-destruction…it always gave her a thrill. That and knowing that she could have a man whenever she wanted. She didn't need Inuyasha…no; he was far too dangerous, embedded as he was in her heart. But Kouga still saw her as the innocent girl she'd been so long ago.

And more than anything, Kagome wanted to destroy that image of herself. In his eyes…in anyone else's. She leaned even closer, wondering if he'd pull her into his embrace. Her hands rested on his bare legs, she could feel the heat of his skin, the strength of his legs. After all, why had she rejected him so long ago? Kouga was strong, desirable, but she'd never been able to see him because of her misplaced love for another.

"I'm not a little girl anymore," she whispered, her lips only inches from his. "And I'm not in love with Inuyasha. Haven't you been jealous of him for all these years? Isn't that why you hate him? He took what you wanted for yourself…because I was fool enough to let him?"

Warm hands gripped her wrists and for just a moment, she thought he was about to grab her up and take her away. Conflict was in his eyes, deep conflict and…sorrow. She paled slightly as he pulled her hands away from him, setting them carefully back in her lap.

"If you think screwing me will help you forget about Inuyasha, you're wrong," he said, his voice very quiet. "I don't know why you think that hurting yourself is always going to be the answer, Kagome. But I won't let you use me as your weapon."

Ashamed, she flushed and looked down, her fingers gripping each other so tightly that her knuckles were white. She felt filthy, so sickened by her behavior that she wanted to retch. The impulse to seduce him had come out of nowhere, without thinking. And he already had Ayame…how many husbands had she pulled from their wives for a night, used them only for her convenience?

Now she'd do the same to a friend, and the husband of a friend, just to make herself forget what had happened. Her panic, her frantic rejection when Inuyasha had said he loved her. So easily she fell into her own traps, the paths she'd laid out for herself. How could anyone still desire her, want her…love her?

Couldn't he see her for what she was?

"I'm sorry," she muttered, unable to look him in the eye.

Kouga reached down and touched her chin, forcing her gaze up to meet his. She was surprised to see him grinning at her, a warmth and security about himself that went beyond the cocky wolf she'd known in the past. It was the face of a man who'd grown into his responsibilities and welcomed them. Not like her, she who had practiced running from herself until it became an art.

Or second nature.

"Don't worry about it," Kouga said softly. "If you'd really wanted to seduce me, you wouldn't do it out here in the open where anyone could see. It's not me you want…it never was."

She ducked away from his smile, withdrawing into herself and Kouga sighed as he stood up. She heard him move away from her, leaving her alone to contemplate his words. Somehow…across so many years and so much pain, he knew her better than she'd guessed.

"And," he called out, catching her eye from across the compound. "Don't worry about Shippou. He'll come back when he's over being pissed, but it might be better if you didn't talk to him while you still smell like that mangy mutt."

oOo

He had the feeling that a nest of snakes had taken up residence inside his mouth. Inuyasha groaned loudly, waking up with the kind of pounding headache that would make human men swear off drink. He had no idea what had happened, but his whole body felt like it had been pummeled with sharp rocks.

Really big rocks.

"What the hell happened to me?" he muttered, trying to sit up so he could look around. The last thing he remembered was Kagome screaming that she hated him. Right after he'd told her that he was in love with her. Inuyasha flinched from the memory and put up his left hand to cradle his aching head. The smell hit him like a blow and he found himself staring at his own claws.

They were covered in blood. He sniffed tentatively and was vastly relieved to find it was only animal blood, not human or kitsune. Looking down, he saw dark stains on his haori and sighed wearily. Shit. He'd had blackouts in the past where he'd come to and had no memory of what he'd been doing, but it had been a really long since he'd lost it like this.

His left hand was bloody, but his right ached painfully from gripping the blade of a rusty, dull sword. Slowly, he opened his fingers and stared into his palm like it would divine answers for him. If the blade weren't so damned dull, he probably would have cut himself, that was the only answer he had.

"Tessaiga," he murmured. He had no memory of making his way back for it, but now he found himself sitting on the same grassy hill where he'd met with Kagome. It didn't make any sense. In a state of mindless, ravenous violence, he'd come for it. Or it had drawn him back. Somehow his father's sword had reached to him the blackness of his insanity, drawn him to it and then…

And then what? Inuyasha snorted to himself, disgusted again by his weakness. A damaged brain pulled back by a useless sword? It had to be coincidence.

Or Tessaiga was more than it looked like, his brother had always hinted as such. Being the mate of the mysterious Tenseiga, perhaps it too had a power over his blood. As Tenseiga had healed, but not cured him already, what could this useless memento of his long dead father offer him?

It couldn't give him back his memory and it couldn't take back the past. It couldn't…it could not make her love him and he'd better get that stupid idea out of his head right now. She didn't love him; she said that she hated him. And he wished he could forget her, but he already knew better than to try.

Like Kikyou, this woman had left her brand on his heart. He'd never gotten over that betrayal, but now he understood it. The blood on his hands was all the explanation he needed. He didn't deserve their love, and the universe was just vicious enough to keep dangling the hope of it before his eyes.

"Fuck this," Inuyasha grunted. It was time for him to face facts and quit acting like a love-starved fool or an animal that only wanted to rut. That's probably how she saw him, why she pushed him away so hard that it broke his heart.

Carefully, he sheathed the blade and looked around. Everything seemed quiet. Just down the hill, around the bend in the river, the wolf youkai camp wasn't far away. He had an obligation to bring Rin home safely, as much as he dreaded walking down there and seeing that woman again, it looked like he didn't have a choice.

Inuyasha glanced down at the smooth wooden sheath in his hands. The feel of it was familiar, haunting, and for a long moment he stood with it in his hands. If he closed his eyes, he could see himself drawing the sword, its blade transforming in his hands. That pulse of power, of recognition…he wanted it so badly it hurt.

If he could use this sword again, would she be able to forgive him? If he got down on his knees and begged her, right in front of that damn kitsune and his pack of wolves, if he crawled in the dirt for her…

"Stop it," he whispered, his fingers going white as he held the sheath. Was this her idea of punishment? No, he didn't think so, not Kagome. She'd looked absolutely terrified, frightened damn near out of her skin when he'd said that he loved her. Did she think he didn't mean it?

She thought it was a lie, his mind whispered, sinister in its truthfulness. She thought it was a lie and a ploy to fool her. She knows you couldn't mean it, because she already knows you too well. You're not fit to love that woman, or any other woman, not after the crimes you've committed.

"I'm sorry," his voice sounded hollow and despairing even to his own ears. He was sorry right down to the marrow of his bones, deep in the dark places of his mind. He ached with sorrow and regret, a misery that only comes when love is rejected…cast away as if it were nothing.

And he understood now in a way he couldn't have understood before, what he'd done to her. His feelings mirrored hers, and Inuyasha was ashamed that he'd been the one to break her heart.

It was too late for shame and too late for remorse. He hadn't even known how much he'd meant those words until now, but against the fury of her hatred, all his promises were no better than ash in his mouth.

oOo

After she'd made such an ass of herself in front of Kouga, Kagome found that she couldn't face anyone. Instead she decided to take his advice and clean herself up. She was sweaty and sticky after her panicked run through the forest, not to mention her other activities before that. Knowing how sensitive their noses were, Kagome knew she had to reek of sex and fear. No wonder Ayame had excused herself and not only to spare Rin's feelings.

Unfortunately, the only place for her to bathe was a small pool behind the den, fed by a lightly splashing waterfall. At least it was private, surrounded by thick brush and trees and far enough away from the rest of the youkai. She had no way to know if anyone else had noticed her conversation with Kouga, as it was, she wasn't sure she could face either him or Ayame again.

Not that she had a choice. She had to stay here or leave on her own. Going home with Inuyasha had never been an option and damn it, she wasn't going to pretend like it ever had been. Just like her to ruin things again, with no way home and no place to go, she was alone and lost in this world.

Kagome stripped and stepped into the water, hissing at its icy touch. The pool wasn't deep, it only came to her knees and she slowly sank down to kneel on the soft, sandy bottom. Again, she wished for some kind of soap, but she'd been far too embarrassed to go ask for anything like that. Instead she scoured herself harshly with the sand, thinking it was better than nothing.

Her fingers were red with the rough sand and cold from the water, but she didn't care. She ducked her head under just long enough to rinse her hair, dragging her fingers through the tangles until it hurt so much she wanted to cry. When she sat back up, she saw long dark strands twisted around her fingers. So she'd yanked out her own hair, what did it matter?

This world wouldn't notice if she punished herself, it wouldn't notice if she just gave up and died. Perhaps Rin and Shippou would mourn for her, but Kagome found that she just didn't give a damn. And that was selfish of her too, but time again, she'd proved herself to be a selfish woman.

"Stop feeling so sorry for yourself," she muttered, climbing out of the chilly pool. Her skin warmed instantly in the sun and she sighed in relief. She was being a fool and foolishness made her angry. It was time to stop blaming everyone else, she knew she'd made mistakes and heartily wished she could take them back.

"Maybe he really did mean it," Kagome said, staring up at the bright sky as she pulled on her clothes. "I can't panic and run like a scared kid, I'm supposed to be stronger than this. But," she closed her eyes against the light, "I am still afraid of you, Inuyasha."

"Kagome."

She heard her name and was reaching for a rock to throw before she even realized what she was doing. Her wet hair plastered to her face, her body was already crouching to ward off a blow that didn't come and she stared into the waterfall as it suddenly darkened, something taking shape inside it.

Somehow it made perfect sense that Miroku was here again.

Kagome sighed and pushed her hair back, letting it fall wet against the back of her shirt. "You're too late," she said, hoping she sounded as confident as she didn't feel. "I'm already dressed, Miroku."

The smile died on her lips at his stern, unforgiving expression. Even in life, she'd never seen Miroku look at her like that. She felt as if she'd failed some kind of test and she felt her face grow hot. Then tears pricked from behind her eyelids and she dropped her gaze, unwilling to see such censure in her dead friend's eyes.

"Why do you look at me like that?"

He still didn't smile, standing still in the cold water. The ripples from the waterfall passed through him, undisturbed by a long dead monk. His face seemed to be made from ice, it might crack if she spoke and she waited as the air around her seemed to darken with foreboding.

"You've wasted too much time," he said, his voice reaching to her like cold and hollow wind. "There are those depending on you, Kagome. You must not fail."

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling for all the world like a naughty child receiving a reprimand. Then she looked up, her eyes flashing in defensive anger at his words. "What are you talking about, Miroku? Maybe if you told me what I was supposed to do, I wouldn't have wasted time."

As he stared at her, she noticed that his eyes were like dark pools, unreachable across the chasm of the death. For the first time, she felt that he might be more than just a ghost, or a hallucination of her addled mind. The sense of creeping dread was stronger now, overwhelming really.

"Please," she said softly, begging now. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do. How can I go home again, Miroku? I…I can't stay here. I've…I…Inuyasha…"

"It's not about Inuyasha," he answered, his voice cold as the grave. "It's not about your selfish desires or your fears. You have something you need to do here, Kagome Higurashi. Do not think the universe bends to your whim."

She actually flinched at his words, the dark censure in his voice. In life, Miroku had never been so stern, not with her. She'd seen him angry over needless death and destruction, grieving for dead children. But he'd never turned against her, never once spoken harshly. He'd always been so strong, never losing hope and making sure the rest of them stayed on their path to Naraku's destruction.

"What do you want from me?" she asked quietly, moving forward until she was also standing in the water. The hem of her hakama was soaked, heavy against her legs, but Kagome didn't feel the chill. She sensed the truth in his words, that there was some task, some mission left uncompleted.

"I cannot tell you, the path is yours to find."

Sudden anger filled her, rage against her again disrupted life. "I don't want to find the path," she shouted, her hands balled into fists. "I'm sick of this, Miroku! I hate being here; do you know what I've been going through? Every minute I spend with him is like torture, every day I'm here I'm becoming less of who I am!"

She took a deep breath to calm herself, her body was shaking and any minute she felt like she was going to shatter into a thousand pieces. Just like the jewel, that cursed, sacred, long vanished jewel that had so ruthlessly cut apart her life.

"You don't have the right to make me do anything," she said sullenly, hating him for being so cold. "I've done enough, damn it. I want to go home."

His expression remained distant, only the darkness in his eyes seemed to register her anger, her despair. Slowly, as if each movement were a difficult pass across time, he moved closer until they were only inches apart. His body was transparent, less substantial than ever before, but she wasn't afraid of his ghost…only what he asked of her.

"If I told you exactly what to do, how to find your way back to your homeland, would you do it then?" he asked, his voice like a fading dream.

"Of course," she whispered, not looking away from his gaze. She felt like a fly trapped in his web, he had caught her with that promise of redemption. To go home…to forget everything again, pick up the pieces and this time seal them away forever.

_She'd do anything_…

"That is why I cannot tell you," he said, his tone simple and direct. "It's important for you to find your own way. There's more at stake than your life or Inuyasha's, Kagome. I cannot give you what you seek, but I will tell you that you must not fail. We are depending on you, on your compassion and…" He reached out his hand to her. "We are depending on your love."

His hand fell on her shoulder and Kagome's eyes went wide with shock. She felt him…she could feel his hand and her legs trembled. Then the sensation faded as suddenly as it had come and she was staring at empty air.

"Who are you?" she murmured, her heart racing until she was sure she was going to pass out. "You aren't Miroku, you never were!"

_No_…

The voice whispered into her mind, lighter and softer than before and Kagome staggered, flailing towards the bank so that she didn't fall on her face in the icy water. The ground was solid under her palms, her fingers dug into the soft earth as if she could find some substance there. Something real that couldn't be denied, that had nothing to do with ghosts that weren't ghosts at all.

_We are part of you_, the voice said. We are of you and within you, Kagome. _Do not fail us. Do not fail yourself_.

Kagome whimpered, covering her face with her dirty hands and crouching on the ground. "No," she sobbed, "I don't care anymore. I'm going crazy, I'm hallucinating, seeing things. Please just leave me alone."

Just as she thought she would drown in her own despair, she felt something coming towards her. A feeling of furious anger, of rage and hatred, and underlying that…a ravenous hunger that could only be fed by blood. Startled, she pulled her face up from the ground and searched the sky with frantic eyes. It was coming…

Like foul wind it swept down upon her, Kagome sat frozen with her face turned upwards, hands clasped in front of her as if she were pleading for her life. Or perhaps as if praying for some kind of salvation that would never come. A massive swarm of demons, monsters deformed and corrupt had appeared, blotting out the sun and the bright blue of the sky.

She couldn't move, couldn't even breathe. Only the hard hammering of her pulse in her ears seemed real. This had to be a dream, a nightmare!

They saw her sitting alone, a defenseless human woman, and lunged at her, long fangs and claws outstretched…

_Oh god, help me!_

Kagome closed her eyes and waited for the end.


	29. TwentyNine

_**Possession 29**_

"Get down!"

Kagome cried out when she was shoved hard to the ground, finding herself with her nose in the dirt. She didn't even see him when he leapt over her head, only heard the angry shrieks of the monsters before they were destroyed. Desperate, she clawed her hands under her, trying to retreat.

"I said get down!"

A blur of red crossed her vision when she dared to look up, and then she gasped and ducked away as blood splattered around her. She heard cursing and the high-pitched death squall of a demon as it was torn apart. Kagome's heart was pounding in her chest, partially from panic and shock, but there was something else to it.

_Why did he come for me?_

"Damn it," Inuyasha swore, glowering as the mass of monsters as they continued to dive at him. "What the hell were you doing out here by yourself, woman? Don't you have any sense at all?"

"I was taking a bath," she answered, slowly pushing herself up. "I didn't know there were demons here!"

Kagome squeaked when Inuyasha grabbed her by her collar and hauled her to her feet. "There's too many," he snarled, dragging her with him a quick pace. "I can't fight them unless we get out in the open!"

She opened her mouth to protest, still barefoot and weak-kneed as he pulled her over the rough ground. "Please," she gasped out, clinging to his sleeve weakly as she nearly fell. "Slow down, Inuyasha!"

He stopped short and glared down at her. Her heart was in her throat, and for a moment as she thought he might leave her where she stood. "Stupid," he hissed, casting his eyes upward again. "Haven't you figured out where they're going? This is an attack against Kouga's people, we need to hurry!"

"I…" she began, as fear set into her again at the thought of the wolf tribe with its young children suddenly the target of these monsters. Inuyasha grunted, wrapping an arm around her waist and tossing her over his shoulder.

"You can't run," he snapped. "I can."

He tore through the forest with her bouncing across his shoulders like a sack of grain. Kagome yelped as the brush ripped at her hair, putting her hands up over her head since Inuyasha seemed to have no intention at all of slowing down.

"You're going to help Kouga?" she shouted over her shoulder as branches whipped across her backside.

"I wouldn't help that mangy bastard," Inuyasha snarled back, his claws flexing angrily on her legs. "But he's got all those damn kids, I'm not gonna stand there and watch 'em get eaten!"

"Then why did you come for me?" she murmured, her voice almost lost in the haste of his movement. She yelped again in surprise as he stopped so fast that her body lurched dangerously, and dropped her on her feet without warning. She was trembling so badly that she couldn't stand, instead clinging to him like a helpless child.

"You think I'm some kind of monster?" he shouted, his hands gripping her shoulders so hard that she winced. "You think I'd let you die because you pissed me off?"

"No," she said, almost babbling as she held tight to his sleeves. "No, I didn't say that, Inuyasha. I know you wouldn't…"

"Damn it," he muttered, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at her. "You think I'm just like those demons that attacked you. You think I'm just like them, but listen to me, you bitch. I'm not anything like them!"

"I don't…" she said, befuddled by the naked pain in his voice.

"You do," he spat angrily. "I know what I did to you was bad, real bad. Maybe the worst thing I ever did to anyone, but," he said, emphasizing his words with a hard shake that made her head rock back on her neck. "Whatever I did in the past, you're wrong about me now! I don't let helpless women die just because I didn't get what I want."

She wanted to ask what he'd wanted, but the words were stuck to the roof of her mouth. Was he talking about what… She trembled at the thought. Was he talking about what had happened between them?

_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!_

Like a dagger in his chest or a blade against his soul, she knew that she had hurt him at last.

Hurt him the way that he'd hurt her and Kagome sagged, realizing that whatever revenge she might have desired throughout those long and lonely, darkened years…this wasn't it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I never meant to…"

"Spare me," he said, his voice bitter with sarcasm. "Aren't you the one that said sorry wasn't good enough?"

Before she could think of a way to answer that, he gripped her wrist again, his fingers leaving red welts on her skin. "Don't you fucking start feeling bad about it," he said, turning away from her flushed gaze. "Don't you pretend that you care!"

She let him drag her again, stumbling over sharp stones that cut into her feet. Kagome no longer felt the pain, she'd gone numb, her mind every bit as bruised and battered, but she no longer cared that she hurt. Her panicked rejection, instinctive and primal as that of a wounded animal, had somehow reached deep into the core of his being. But…why?

_Don't you pretend that you care!_

And sorry wasn't good enough, wasn't it her that had set those rules, refusing to allow him any chance at apology because she couldn't handle it? This Inuyasha, the one without a memory of the horrors he'd committed, had tried to break past the barriers she'd set around herself.

And succeeded, in spite of everything she'd done to stop him.

Deep inside, her heart ached like a shattered jewel, never to be whole again. This Inuyasha…he wasn't the same as the one she'd left behind all those years ago. The monster, insane and…she winced…so terribly _wounded_, had been banished. So that when she'd finally found her way back to him, instead of meeting the nightmare that she'd feared, she found the man that Inuyasha should have been.

The Inuyasha that she'd always loved!

He stopped again, oblivious to the turmoil seething inside Kagome. The realization had made panic bubble to the surface yet again, but this time it was accompanied by a strange giddiness that not only made her heart race, it made her want to cry out with joy.

He was the one that she had loved, _always_ loved! Under the despair, the pain and self-loathing, her love for him had truly never left her. It was unwavering and steadfast, too strong to be cast aside. And that was why she'd tortured and punished herself for so many years, because in spite of everything he'd done…

She'd never stopped loving Inuyasha.

"Hey," Inuyasha snarled, shaking her arm to snap her out of a daze. "You need to stay here, understand?"

She'd been staring blankly into space again, transfixed by her own release. Suddenly all the pain that had been like a knot in her soul was gone, the bitter hatred had seeped from her skin like a poisonous miasma. And left her feeling whole again for the first time in more than a decade.

Kagome's attention snapped back when Inuyasha spun her around, taking her face between his hands almost gently as he stared down into her eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked, made uncertain by the way her eyes were out of focus and her mind seemed far away.

"I'm fine," she said, reaching up impulsively to cup his fingers with her own.

He pulled away, a wary look in his eyes. Inuyasha shoved his hands up his sleeves as if he were afraid she'd touch him again. "Stay here then," he said gruffly. "Don't come out, I'll be back for you when it's safe."

Inuyasha bounded away, diving into the thick brush. For a long moment, she knelt on the ground, listening to the sounds of the forest as the wind teased its way through the leaves. Suddenly it was far too quiet, she twisted her fingers together in her lap. It didn't seem right to her that he'd go off to fight alone.

No, she thought, her brow furrowing. He wouldn't be alone; Kouga and his men would be fighting for their lives. As their ally, at least in name, Inuyasha wouldn't abandon them to the attack. She could see him, sweeping down into battle, shouting with anger as he used his claws to rend and tear.

She shivered, thinking of all those times he'd tried to make her stay out of the battle, tried to protect her. And she'd never listened; instead she'd thrown herself into danger because she couldn't stand the thought of him being hurt. How could he expect her to sit safely while he fought for his life?

It reminded her of being weak…cowardly…too afraid to fight for what she loved. She hadn't been so weak in the past. No, she'd literally burned with fury when he was attacked, sensing somehow deep inside her heart that Inuyasha had always needed someone on his side.

Someone like her.

She was on her feet and running before she realized what she was doing was extremely stupid. Kagome told herself that she just wanted to look, make sure that he was all right. She wasn't going to put herself in danger…not unless she had to.

Creeping like a little forest creature, Kagome made her way to the edge of the trees. From here she should at least be able to watch the battle without being seen, Inuyasha would never know that she'd gotten this close. Then again, who was he to order to stay back? She had no intention of joining the fight, but waiting, passively waiting for the outcome, that was more than she could bear.

The edge of the forest was up the side of a hill, overlooking the small valley where the wolves had made their home. From here she could see the clearing where she'd had breakfast that morning and talked with Ayame. She was expecting to see Kouga's men battling fiercely, she had expected to see a full scale war taking place with Inuyasha fighting right alongside his brother's allies.

What she saw wasn't what she expected.

The massive swarm of demons seemed to have doubled and she caught her breath at the sight. There were so many of them! And the only one fighting, the only one who was defending the wolf youkai encampment…seemed to be Inuyasha.

Alone he struck at the horde, moving like a red flash as he fought furiously. The menace hanging over the compound was like a palpable force; she could feel the demons' rage as they attacked him. He was faster and stronger than most of them, but the sheer strength of their numbers was just overwhelming.

Where the hell was Kouga, she wondered furiously as her fingernails dug into the rough bark of a tree. Where were the men who were sworn to defend their territory? Why was Inuyasha the only one here, had they abandoned him to certain death while making their own escape?

She couldn't believe it, not of Kouga. His people were his life, so Ayame had said. They'd rallied to him for protection, for the chance to survive. Kouga would never abandon his pack, not anymore than he would cut off his own legs. Their comrades meant everything to Kouga and Ayame. Their pack…he'd rebuilt everything he'd lost and now he'd just leave?

Cold gripped her heart and Kagome felt faint, leaning against the tree for support. Maybe Inuyasha had come too late; maybe the wolves had fought a desperate battle and lost. Wasn't it possible, that they'd already gone out to fight this swarm, drawing the fight away from their home to protect the women and children?

Could it be that they were all dead, lying in pieces or being dissolved in the bellies of their enemies? Kouga had remarked that many of the wolf youkai had been killed, both by Naraku's treachery years ago and now by these random attacks. He'd grieved for his fallen comrades, people known all his life.

Was it possible that the small force he'd met her with only a few days ago were really all that he had left to defend his people?

Kagome gasped, watching as one of the larger demons came in for a quick strike at Inuyasha. He evaded the gaping jaws just in time, springing up to slash with his claws. Blood was all over the ground; she could see it staining his hair and clothes. She found she was getting angry to see him fighting such a one-sided battle. He shouldn't have to fight alone!

Another monster gave a rasping cry, diving for the opening in the mountain that was the wolves' den. Inuyasha snarled, racing after it and threw himself between the demons and the entrance of the cave. She jumped to her feet, watching as he furiously battled the beast, keeping it from going inside.

_My god, are the women and children still in there?_

Her heart was pounding, this wasn't right! If Kouga, she closed her eyes in pain, if Kouga and his men were already dead, then the only one keeping those children safe was Inuyasha! She couldn't stand it; he had to have some help. Strong as he was, he couldn't fight indefinitely. Eventually he would weaken, overwhelmed by the number of enemies and then…

Inuyasha couldn't use Tessaiga anymore, he'd said as much. She didn't know if the sword had rejected him due to his full-blood status or if it was something more, but without the power of that weapon to rely on…

And if…when…he fell, she would be here alone to watch as Kouga's people were slaughtered. Damned if she could let that happen! She wouldn't stand by as Inuyasha was killed, if no one else was here to help him…it would have to be her!

Kagome burst from the trees, knowing her only chance was to make it to the den. What she could do…she couldn't be sure, but there had to be some way. What other reason did she have any spiritual power of her own? What good was she if she couldn't find a way to fight, to protect the one that she loved?

Running as fast as she could, Kagome stumbled down the hill in her bare feet. Luckily, it seemed that none of the demons had noticed her presence and she was over half way to the mouth of the den when she heard Inuyasha shout her name.

"Kagome! What the hell are you doing?"

She didn't have time to answer, just kept running with her pulse pounding in her ears. A loud shriek sounded over her shoulder and she kept going, praying that she'd make it in time. She didn't stop or turn around, already feeling them tracking her, bloodlust running high. Kagome grimly forced herself to keep moving, her legs already aching from her headlong run and threw herself into the dark opening of the cave just as blood splattered overhead.

"You crazy bitch!" Inuyasha was livid, barely able to keep them away. "I told you to stay…"

"I know!" she shouted. "I came to help you!"

Kagome stumbled and fell to her knees just inside the den, picking herself up and moving back with the instinct of self-preservation biting at her heels. "Ayame!" she cried, forcing herself to keep going. "Rin!"

Silence answered her and Kagome stopped, her eyes wide as she searched the den. It was a large cave, with many smaller openings and tunnels that led to other caves where the wolves could live as families. She hadn't the full tour, but Ayame had explained that the wolves lived communally in this larger area while using the smaller caves for sleeping or when they wanted privacy. She expected this was where the women and children would be gathered, but…

It was empty.

"Ayame!" she shouted, her hands curling into fists. "Where are you?"

Her voice echoed back to her hollowly and Kagome trembled, realizing that she had miscalculated. They weren't here, none of them were here! No sign of a struggle or fight, but it looked like they'd left in a hurry. Around her were signs of cooking, food preparation and household utensils, all dropped as if their owners had thrown them on the floor and run out in haste.

The wolves had evacuated their den, and Kagome groaned, covering her face with her hands. She was such a fool! They must have realized an attack was coming and left, taking their families to a safer location. They couldn't have known that Inuyasha would try to defend them, not anymore than they'd known that a stupid human woman would think that she alone would be able to save their lives.

Fool, she cursed at herself as she spun around, running back to the entrance. She'd put her life in danger; put Inuyasha's life in danger too now that he knew he had to defend her. Didn't he know they were gone?

Or like her, was he futilely trying to save people who'd had the good sense to run for their lives?

As she dashed out of the main cave and back up the passage, her gaze fell on something that had been left leaning against the wall. She stopped, reaching out to take the bow. It was Rin's; she must have left it here when she ran away with the wolves. Kagome whispered a quick prayer of thanks as she picked it up and slung the quiver of arrows over her shoulder.

It had been a long time since she'd had to fight with a bow, even if she had used it to bluff the youkai hunters at their village. She'd felt her own power inside her then, and known that her arrows would find their marks. Would she be able to call up on that strength now, when she needed to use it? Or would this be one of those times when her spiritual ability failed her?

Either way, she thought, grimly marching to the entrance of the cave. Either way she was going to find out!

She knelt at the entrance, notching an arrow as she brought the bow up and pulled the string tight. Inuyasha was a few yards in front of her; she wouldn't take the chance of hitting him. She could still hear him cursing and swearing as he fought, then she flushed a little bit as she picked out the words "stupid woman" now and then.

So he thought she was stupid and useless? Well, she thought sighting up toward the mass of demons; he was going to find out how useful she could be!

"Go!" she shouted, letting fly with the first arrow. It arched over Inuyasha's head, he didn't even see her fire, but Kagome held her breath, her heart beating fast in her chest as the tip of her arrow started to glow. It was shining like a small star, leaving a trail of light behind it and she gripped the bow until her knuckles turned white.

As soon as her arrow met the swarm, it exploded and suddenly a large number of youkai monsters were purified. She jumped to her feet in excitement as they faded away, made into nothingness and pinpoints of light. Kagome wanted to dance around in happiness, so pleased that at last she was able to make a difference.

Inuyasha skidded in front of her, staring at the sky as the demons tried to regroup. "That was your arrow?" he asked, looking confused. "I thought you said you weren't a priestess."

"I'm not," she said, almost giggling. It was shock and hysterical relief that she'd managed to purify the demons, but Inuyasha scowled at her. He grabbed her arm roughly, shoving her back into the cave. She was stunned to see the anger in his eyes; he looked like she'd betrayed him by firing that arrow.

"I don't know what game you think you're playing with me," he said tightly. "Did you think it was funny to pretend you couldn't fight like she used to?"

Kagome paled in surprise at his accusation and then found that she was angry too. "Are you comparing me to Kikyou?" she demanded.

"No," he snapped, glaring up at the demons still circling over their heads. One of them dove and he slashed viciously, tearing it into bloody pieces. "You're worse than her!"

Growling angrily, Kagome snatched an arrow from the quiver and notched it. Inuyasha ran out into the compound, attacking the demons again as they started to howl for his blood. With a grim smile, she fired again to spite him, this arrow burning even brighter and then the air shook with purification.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" she screamed, so angry that she forgot to be afraid. Inuyasha jumped into the air again, sinking his claws into a worm-like beast with three eyes. He glared at her, shoving his claws right through the monster until it split apart with a splatter.

"Shut up!" he shouted, running to attack again. "You're all the same, bitch! Every damn thing you say is a lie. Just like she lied to me, you're no better!"

"I didn't lie!" she screamed, firing again. This arrow cleared a large swath through the diminishing horde. "Neither did Kikyou, you selfish prick! She was betrayed, just like you were betrayed! It was Naraku, goddamn you!"

Panting, they faced each other grimly. "Why should I believe a word you say?" he asked sarcastically. Another demon roared down upon them and Inuyasha spun around and slugged it so hard that its head was knocked from its misshapen body.

"Because I'm telling you the truth," Kagome answered, her voice low and deadly. Something was coming to life inside her, some kind of mysterious power. Almost she could see another battle in the back of her mind, a single priestess fighting against masses of demons after her blood. Only this priestess used a sword instead of a bow, but it was the same power that gave them strength.

As if they could read her mind, the attacking swarm hesitated. Until now they'd been focusing on Inuyasha and for the first time Kagome noticed something strange. These monsters…weren't they here to attack the wolf youkai tribe? Why were they still fighting?

"Inuyasha," she whispered, her eyes wide as she stared up at the sky. More demons were gathering, waiting their turn, almost as if they were organized instead of just driven by mindless hunger or rage.

"Yeah, I noticed too," he said, his voice low. "They were waiting for me. I didn't see any sign they'd attacked the wolves until I got here."

Kagome's mouth was dry and she found that her hands were starting to shake. This wasn't like in the past, and dread started to take hold of her. It was as if…as if they'd been sent here to find Inuyasha and herself. Urgent, she grabbed at his sleeve while they watched the demons swarm and gather overhead.

"Think," she whispered softly. "How did you know they were here?"

"Saw 'em," he answered tensely, gritting his teeth. "I was on my way back here when I saw them overhead. Couldn't have missed them, they made sure of it."

Her breath little more than a hiss, Kagome pulled him closer. "And no one was here?" His eyes narrowed at her, then his jaw clenched and he pushed her hand away.

"Someone warned them," he growled, anger glinting in his eyes. "Who the fuck would have done that?"

She didn't have the slightest clue, only knew that she had been caught in the trap with him. Kouga and his people had never been the target of this attack. It had been set for Inuyasha…and her.

"Any ideas?" she asked, backing up to the mouth of the cave. "Can we make a run for it?"

Inuyasha grunted and shook his head. "They'd be on us the minute we made a move," he said at last. "Only thing I can think of is to try to make them take so much damage that they'll give up."

"What about the den? Can't we just use that for cover?"

Scowling, Inuyasha pushed her back. "No, that's what they're hoping for. If we go in, they'll just come after us. I can't hold them off indefinitely."

"Then what are we going to do?" Kagome asked, her voice rising almost hysterically. "You can't take them on like this forever, sooner or later…" She choked on the words, unwilling to voice them. Resolutely, she reached for her last arrow, knowing already that it wasn't going to be enough. If they were going to die, she decided, panic making her fierce; at least they'd die fighting.

"Don't," Inuyasha snapped, holding up arm before she could rush out to fire her last arrow. "You can't take them all with one arrow!"

"We've got to do something," she whispered, staring up at the mass of demons. "If we fight together, maybe…"

"No!" His voice made her flinch and step back. She stared as he took position in front of her, grimly drawing Tessaiga from its sheath. The rusty blade gleamed dully, it looked far too small in his hands, as if her mind couldn't help but compare the ancient blade to its former glory.

"You can't use that," she burst out, helpless to stop herself. Inuyasha shot her a glare over his shoulder, his scowl silencing her protests.

"Shut up and let me protect you!" he snarled like a ghost from his forgotten past. Kagome's eyes went wide, leaning heavily against the rocky entrance of the cave as he moved out. He'd said those words to her once before…a very long time ago when he was holding the Tessaiga for the very first time.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, wondering what could possibly be going through his mind.

"All right, you bastards," Inuyasha muttered, going out to stand before them with the drawn blade. He gripped it with both hands, holding it ready against the swarm as if they were butterflies he could shoo away. "Come and get it! You think you want a piece of her, you're gonna have to get through me!"

Her heart almost stopped when she felt a sudden pulse of power. It was faint, like a rumble coming from deep within the earth itself. Like a heartbeat muffled in the snow, she hadn't felt it in so long that she almost convinced herself it was wishful thinking. Kagome held her breath, too afraid to dare to hope…

_Let me protect you!_

Inuyasha had called out to Tessaiga…and Tessaiga had answered.

The second pulse was much stronger and she heard Inuyasha's exclamation when the blade suddenly transformed. It grew longer in an instant, glowing, taking the shape of a fang. Inuyasha looked stunned, lifting the massive sword up as easily as a twig and stared at it in shock.

"What the hell…" he muttered. "Tessaiga?"

An angry shriek brought her attention back to their assailants, still circling overhead like a black cloud of fury. The sight of the transformed blade seemed to drive them into a frenzy, whatever had been holding them back had slipped its hold over them and they dove at Inuyasha. They moved as one, the teeming swarm attacking to overwhelm the lone inuyoukai with their sheer mass if not their deadly claws and fangs.

Kagome stood frozen, unable to do more than watch as the mass of youkai suddenly gathered. The menace was growing stronger, blotting out the sun with an ever-growing cloud of night-dark youki. It seemed to steal the air from her lungs, making her feel painfully compressed and small in the face of so much hatred.

"Oh no, you don't," she heard Inuyasha mutter, raising Tessaiga's blade. She could see pale blue-white light beginning to encircle the sword, wrapping around it like a protective lover. Could be…that instinct alone…he was going to use…

There was crackling sound that made her hair stand up, feeling the power surge over her as Tessaiga unleashed a wave of destruction. The ground shook as huge cracks formed, splitting the earth as if monstrous claws had gouged it apart. Her gaze was drawn upwards, seeing the spiral of Tessaiga's Kaze no Kizu connect and destroy the demon horde as easily as child might blow apart a dandelion.

Then it was eerily quiet, only the sound of chunks of flesh falling around them. Kagome couldn't bring herself to speak, only watch in stunned silence. He'd said the sword was useless, that he couldn't use it…that it was just a worthless, rusted and dull piece of…

_Let me protect you!_

Oh Inuyasha, she thought, feeling a tear slide down her cheek. She used the back of her grubby fist to wipe it away, suddenly feeling proud and so sad at the same time, she didn't know if she should cheer him or weep with relief.

"Shit," Inuyasha said, staring at the huge sword with a stunned expression. "I guess I was wrong about you, Tessaiga." Then he turned to look at Kagome, offering her a lopsided grin of apology. "I guess I was wrong about you too, Kagome."

She choked back a laugh, afraid that she was going to start crying after all. "Yes," she said thickly, trying to smile at him. "I think we've both been very wrong about a lot of things, Inuyasha."

He grinned at that, turning around to face her with Tessaiga still hanging in his hands. "Then neither of us should say we're sorry, huh?"

She would have answered, but she was finding it hard not to rush over to his side and throw her arms around him. It was still a bit too soon; she didn't want to spoil this moment. Then without warning, she felt Tessaiga's power stir again.

"What?" Inuyasha stared as the sword started to shake violently. "What the hell's going on?"

Tessaiga was still glowing, its power throbbing in angry waves, burning brighter with each pulse. Inuyasha's surprise turned to concern as the blade's energy seemed to grow stronger, but he could barely control it as the massive sword started to pitch and jerk like it was trying to escape from him.

Kagome ran forward, a nameless dread moving her body before she could think clearly. "Let it go!" she shouted. "Inuyasha, drop the sword!"

"I can't," he said, gritting his teeth as if in pain. "I can't let go of it! My hands…I think it's going to…"

Kagome dropped to her knees, covering her face with her arms when light exploded all around her. The air burned with a foul, acrid stench and when she raised her head, she saw that Inuyasha had been thrown to the ground. Crying out wordlessly, she scrambled to her feet and then gasped when Tessaiga suddenly buried itself in the ground right where she'd been crouched.

The sword had been flung high into the air and come down hard; the un-transformed blade sunk half way up to its hilt in the soft earth. Nervously, she stepped around it and dashed to Inuyasha's side. He was out cold, she thought, running her hands over his face. Then her nose wrinkled at the smell of scorched flesh and she saw terrible burns on his hands and arms.

It seemed the blade had lashed out against him, but for what reason she couldn't guess. Kagome sighed, wearily pushing her hair back as she bowed her head and felt abjectly sad. Perhaps Tessaiga itself was angry with him, as if it also couldn't forgive the crimes he'd committed as a full youkai. And if that were true, it had exacted its own punishment for being awakened.

"Inuyasha," she said, murmuring his name as she shook him. "You have to wake up, I need you."

"Move away, woman."

Cold went down Kagome's spine when she heard the horrible, grating voice. She spun around, crouching protectively over Inuyasha's voice to face another demon. This one was more human looking that the others, deformed and massive. His face was ugly and misshapen, as if a lunatic had formed him from clay. Long fangs gaped from his mouth, saliva dripping from them as he stared at her with glowing eyes. In one hand he held a massive club, which he used to point at the unconscious Inuyasha.

"Run and you live," he gargled, almost spitting the words through his twisted mouth. Kagome flinched, almost unable to look at him. His skin seemed decayed, greenish and blackened in places and wildly she wondered if he had once been a human being…before a demon had taken over his body.

"No," she whispered, making herself stand. "I won't let you touch him."

He raised the club ominously. The smell of him sickened her, and again she thought he smelled more like a rotting corpse than anything else. Kagome stared hard at him, forcing herself to assess her opponent. Yes…he might have been a human once, but one look into those mad eyes and she knew that his human soul had long since left him.

"You want to die?" His voice was thick and congested, painful. "I will take him."

"Try it," she muttered, gritting her teeth even as her knees shook. Damn, why had she dropped her bow in the cave? She raised her arms, wondering if there was truly any power left within her to face this thing. If she could touch him, maybe…just maybe she could purify this mutilated corpse, drive out the demon possessing it. For all she claimed not to be a priestess, it seemed the right thing to do.

He moved, thick arms swinging to bash her skull in, knock her out of the way. Kagome braced herself, knowing she had to keep in contact with him if she had any hope of purifying the unclean, walking corpse. She readied herself for the blow, thinking if she could just hang on, get a grip on the twisted flesh, she might have a hope of saving Inuyasha even if she herself was injured.

Just before she would have been hit, she heard the sound of metal against metal, like a steel chain being thrown. Something bright streaked across her vision, a long, curved blade that slung itself around the throat of the hulking monster and then neatly decapitated him. Kagome flinched as fetid blood hit the ground in front of her, trying not to retch from the foul smell.

When she was able to look up, she found herself staring at the young man who was holding the end of the chain. He returned her gaze calmly, as if nothing were out of the ordinary, as if he hadn't just saved her life. As he slowly approached, something about him seemed so familiar…

His clothing maybe? He wore close-fitting black, with dark armor tied over his shoulders and knees. His lower face covered by an ornate mask and his left eye hidden by a dark patch, but she could still see the scars on his left cheek. When he was standing only a few yards from her and Inuyasha, he stopped and gave a practiced yank to the long chain, and caught the flying blade in his palm with an audible slap.

_It couldn't…it could not be_…

Kagome held her breath as he reached up to pull the mask away, memories washing over her in a bitter tide. His hair was longer now, making him look so much like his sister that it hurt. She'd had enough of ghosts and glanced down at the beheaded corpse as if to reassure herself that he was real, not just a dream walking out of the past.

"Kagome," he said softly, his voice still as gentle as she remembered. "It is you after all."

"Kohaku," she whispered, swallowing hard against the tears in her throat.

He smiled faintly, bemused at her shocked expression. "I wasn't sure what to think when Kaede told me you had returned," the young man said. "Are you surprised to see me?"

The words caught in her throat. Surprised didn't even begin to cover it. "I thought you were dead," she answered, her voice breaking a bit.

Kohaku nodded. "I had thought the same of you," he said, nonchalantly raising his hand in an odd gesture. Behind him, she saw other humans emerge from the forest, dressed similarly to Kohaku and realized with a start that they were from the youkai hunters' village. She recognized Natsu immediately from his scarred face and right behind him…

"Kagome!" Shippou shouted, running to her side. He took her arm gently, an anxious look on his face. "Are you hurt?"

"No," she murmured, barely able to look away from Kohaku's face. "I'm…I'm fine, but…" She flung a glance over her shoulder back at the still unconscious Inuyasha and then grabbed Shippou by his arms.

"Where have you been?" she demanded urgently. "Shippou, you ran off…I was worried that you were going to do something stupid!"

His smile faded a bit at her words, old hurt in his eyes. "I'm fine," he said, his voice noticeably colder. "I was angry, Kagome. I just needed some time to think. You know I wouldn't abandon you. Then…" He turned slowly, his arm sliding around hers protectively. "Then I met Kohaku and I knew I had to bring him to you."

She felt like falling to her knees, the adrenaline of the fight had deserted her and left her weak.

"Where's Kouga?" she managed to get out. "We were attacked here, it was like they were waiting for us. How did you find Kohaku and…" She dragged her eyes back to the slim young man and shivered slightly, too many ghosts and painful memories surfacing every time she looked at him.

Too many questions, it was getting the better of her. Kagome honestly didn't know how much more she could take before she started screaming. So she settled for leaning heavily on Shippou's shoulder as she looked at Sango's little brother, Sango's very much alive little brother…

"How?" she asked, that question finding its way first to her lips. "Your sister…is she…"

Kohaku's expression darkened slightly, a look of bitter regret. "No," he said, that tone of cold finality in his voice again. "She's not…alive." He pushed his hair back from his forehead, sighing heavily. "I can't explain it very well, Kagome. She saved me, her and Kirara. When I fell into the fire, they caught me somehow and dragged me out."

"We searched for you," Kagome said, her voice hushed. "Inuyasha and I searched for you, just in case you'd made it out. We couldn't find you…we found Miroku, but you and Sango were just…"

He moved closer, one of his hands reaching for hers. "I was badly burned, I could hardly move. I don't know how I survived, or why I'm still alive after Naraku removed the jewel shard." Kohaku's expression grew somber. "Kirara must have carried me as far as she could, but I woke up alone."

Shippou was holding her up, she realized that now and Kagome was intensely grateful. She'd never been the kind of woman to faint under stress or shock, but right now her legs were like jelly and her whole body ached. Kohaku looked away from her for a moment, his eyes resting on Inuyasha.

"Is he dead?"

Kagome shook her head, rubbing her face with her hands. Finding she could stand on her own after all, she stepped away from Shippou's protective embrace. "No, he's unconscious," she said and then her fingers twitched, remembering suddenly that Kohaku might not be happy to hear that Inuyasha had survived.

"You…" she said, her back stiffening. Kagome shook her head, unable to even think of fighting anyone. "You aren't going to hurt him, are you?"

Kohaku didn't quite meet her eyes, his gaze resting somewhere over her shoulder. "He is a youkai. I've heard stories of the things Inuyasha has done. Kaede told me about how he turned on you, Kagome. She told me how he destroyed her village, slaughtered innocent people."

She couldn't deny it, but her face flushed. "I know that," she bit out. "You don't have to tell me about what Inuyasha has done, but he's different now."

"You really believe that?" Kohaku murmured, still without looking at her. "Isn't it possible you're just seeing him the way you want, instead of for what he truly is?"

Her mouth dropped open a little, hearing neither censure nor approval in his words, and her cheeks burned. "Shippou," she ground out, turning on the kitsune. "What did you tell them?"

"The truth," Shippou snapped angrily. "I don't trust him, Kagome, and you can't trust yourself when it comes to Inuyasha. He could lie right to your face and you'd never know it."

Her breath hissed between her teeth. "Is that why you brought Kohaku here?" she demanded. "To kill Inuyasha? Have you lost your mind, Shippou?"

"I'm not planning on killing anyone," Kohaku broke in, reaching out to touch her shoulder gently. "And Shippou didn't ask me to, but I need to know if you really believe he's changed." His expression flickered and Kagome saw old pain twist Kohaku's face.

"Shippou told me that Inuyasha used the jewel," the young man said quietly. "It changes you, don't you think I know that better than anyone?"

Her heart contracted painfully and Kagome felt her shoulders sag. This wasn't just a young man from the past; this was Sango's brother. This was Kohaku who had endured a shard in his body, a half-life borrowed from a corrupt jewel. He knew what it meant to have your will stolen; he knew it meant to betray everyone you loved…to lose everything.

The way she'd lost everything when Inuyasha used the jewel.

"I'm sorry," she said, her apology more than heartfelt. She covered Kohaku's hand with her own. "I understand what you're trying to say, but I trust Inuyasha now." She surprised herself with how much she meant it. "What we just went through here…"

_Let me protect you!_

Kagome lifted her chin defiantly. She wanted them to believe her, the way she'd come to believe in Inuyasha. This Inuyasha…not the one who'd made a terrible mistake or lost himself. They needed to understand.

"He came for me, protected me," she said at last. Kagome turned to look at Shippou. "He didn't have to save me, he didn't have to come here to try and protect Kouga's people either. Don't you believe that he's changed?"

Shippou flushed, staring at the ground so he wouldn't have to look at her. "I can't stand by and let him hurt you again," he muttered. "I can't just forgive him or forget what he did."

She understood so well what he was feeling, in a way, Shippou had endured everything with her in the past, it was only to be expected he'd carry her scars as well. Letting go of those feelings, it was so hard. Just when she'd think that she was free of the past, it would rise up to slap her in the face again. She was ready to put it behind her now, move on. She wanted that for Shippou as well.

"I've come to a decision," Kohaku said, his quiet voice breaking the tension between Shippou and Kagome. "If you believe he's to be trusted, then I will believe so too. For my sister's memory…I will take the chance."

Kagome blinked, struck by the strange formality of Kohaku's tone. Was he saying he wouldn't attack Inuyasha now? There seemed to be something more to it and she felt Shippou's body tense, a surprised eagerness in his eyes.

"Kohaku?" she asked. "What kind of chance are you talking about?"

His expression was very serious. "Shippou told me how you came to be here," he said, stating the fact as if it were simple to him. "I know someone who might be able to help you, someone who might be able to make your well work again."

He paused and then Kohaku smiled, and this time his smile was warm.

"You can go home."


	30. Thirty

_**Possession 30**_

It was dusk when she climbed out of the well for what she sincerely hoped would be the last time. The first thing that Kagome noticed, before she even slid back the door of the well house, was that the air finally smelled right. After so many weeks in the feudal era, it was hard not to notice the difference.

She smelled car exhaust, the heavy acrid tang of pollution. It wasn't anything she'd ever noticed in the past, just another part of the modern world to which she belonged. Now she felt it clearly and inhaled, filling her lungs with the taint of the future and exhaling what was left of the past.

Kagome Higurashi had at last returned home.

Relief made her knees weak and she leaned against the rough wood of the old door. She'd made it. So many years she'd wasted, hating herself, trying to forget everything. She'd thrown herself into the modern world like a sacrifice, expecting to die upon the sharp edges of success like a martyr.

Now she knew she'd only been punishing herself and if that was what she'd been meant to learn…she was grateful for what had happened. Everything…even meeting Inuyasha again…had been for a reason. Now she was no longer blind, no longer alienated from her own soul. Kagome Higurashi might have gone into the well as a woman in denial, but her eyes were wide open now.

She would be a better person this time. And a better friend to herself as well, it was time for her to stop running away. Kagome resolved that she would not waste this second chance, this reprieve for the sentence she'd imposed upon herself all those years ago.

The courtyard of the old shrine was deserted when she stepped outside and Kagome sighed wearily. She was so tired, so very tired, but also filled with elation. She was back and her bare feet slipped soundlessly over the cool pavement. The sky was painted in shades of violet and dark rose, a dying sunset over the bustling city.

"Mama," she whispered, looking towards the darkened house. Tired as she was, she was desperate to see her mother's face. Most of all she wanted to throw herself into her mother's arms, sobbing like a schoolgirl, and promise to never let so much distance come between them again.

And she wasn't thinking of the miles of sea between Tokyo and Hawaii. More of the emotional distance, the brick wall that she'd built around herself since the last time she'd stepped out of that well. Her mother deserved to know the truth.

The house seemed encased in silence, its darkened windows ominous. Kagome glanced at the sky, wondering why her mother had turned off all the lights when it was nearly full dark. She tried the door and found it locked, a frown of frustration creasing her forehead.

Kagome knocked politely, and then banged the door with her fist a minute later when no one came to answer. Surely, even if her mother were asleep the noise would wake her? She knocked until her knuckles were sore and stepped back to swear at her ever-present bad luck.

Locked out of her mother's house in her bare feet. Kagome snorted and shook her head. She really didn't want anyone to see her like this, especially not the local police. She still had every intention of pressing charges against her dear ex-husband for attempted murder and the lawyer in her advised strongly against going to the cops while looking like a disheveled bag lady.

Circling the house, she decided to try the windows before looking for a better option. She hated the idea of waiting on the steps until her mother came back. The thought made her wistful, remembering how in the past she'd always counted on finding her family at home when she'd return from her other life in the feudal era.

Mama washing dishes at the sink. Souta and her grandfather sitting together in the kitchen talking. All of them ready to welcome her back, ask about her friends and her adventures as if it was a normal thing for a fifteen year old girl to travel across centuries to fight evil demons.

The windows were filthy and Kagome frowned, wiping the glass with her sleeve and trying to peer inside. She couldn't think of how the windows had gotten so dirty in just a few weeks. Her mother was diligent and took as much offense to dirt and grime on the outside of her home as the inside.

_She must have really been worried sick to let it go this far_…

At least the window was open and with a little effort, Kagome managed to climb inside, her grubby feet swinging over the sill and dropping to the floor. She pushed her hair back, already thinking of the long, hot shower that awaited her.

It was so good to be home, so very good…

She caught her breath as she looked around the deserted kitchen. Garbage was strewn across the floor carelessly, old papers and trash everywhere. It looked like her mother hadn't been home in some time and she started to be afraid.

She tried to turn on the lights, only to find the electricity was off. There was dirt everywhere and when she trailed her hand along the kitchen countertop, she felt grit and chalky dust. How had this happened, where was her mother? Had she taken ill, was it possible that her disappearance had caused her mother to break down after all?

Kagome choked back her tears, running to every room in her mother's house. She found more disarray and furniture covered by dusty sheets. It was obvious that no one lived here anymore. All of the family's personal belongings, other than furniture, were gone.

She moved like a ghost in the house, a memory of the life that had once dwelled within. With every step she felt her body going numb, her fingers stiff and chill as shock set in. Her mother, her brother…they were gone. They had just up and left without ever finding out what had happened to her.

A tight knot formed in her chest, painful and grieving. This wasn't home anymore, not without Mama and Souta. It was every nightmare she'd ever dreamed in the long years since she'd sealed the well and moved away. That one day she'd return home and find that she had no home to return to…

Kagome refused to give in to the crushing despair as she moved back to the kitchen. She'd contact the police; maybe her mother had filed a missing person report. They'd know where to find her, there had to be some kind of contact number or address. She didn't give a damn anymore about her appearance or what happened with Scott.

She was reaching for the telephone and stopped herself. She didn't have to pick it up to know that it was disconnected. Time to think, time to keep her composure before she ran screaming into the street. She'd faced death and she'd faced the past and beaten back the inner demons as well as real ones. She could find her family.

Opening her eyes, she found herself staring at an old newspaper, neatly folded and left next to the phone. It was so dark she could barely read, but she picked up the paper and carried it to the grimy window. Maybe there was something here, a story perhaps about a woman gone missing and the family that had searched for her.

Her hands were shaking so hard that the paper trembled and rustled before slipping from her numb fingers. It had been folded open to the obituaries and when she saw the name Higurashi…she thought it was for her grandfather. But she was wrong, the obituary wasn't an announcement of an old man's death. Rather it was for a woman, an old woman with the same name as her mother…

"No!" she screamed, throwing the paper on the floor and running from the house. It was the same name as her mother's; it was her mother's date of birth as well. Survived by one son, Higurashi Souta, and one daughter, Higurashi Kagome…missing. But what really tore her apart wasn't seeing her mother's name in a listing of the dead…it was her date of death…some thirty years in the _future_…

"What have you done to me?" she screamed at the sky, raking her hands through her hair until the strands broke on her fingers. Her heart was going to explode; her eyes were burning with tears that streaked like fire down her cold face. Sobbing, broken, she staggered across the shrine grounds like a drunkard or a helpless child.

_Kagome_…

She heard her name whispered, but so loud that the stones beneath her feet could feel it. Kagome stood very still, her breath coming in ragged gasps as listened hard. It was a voice, it was his voice, and she thought for a long moment that maybe he'd followed her through the well somehow.

_Kagome_…

_No, it's in my mind_, she thought, pressing the heels of her hands to her temples. _Inuyasha isn't here; the well doesn't work for him. He wouldn't come here now anyway…why would he…when I_…

She headed for the tree, suddenly sure she'd find him waiting for her. To take her back with him, knowing there was nothing left for her here. She'd gone thirty years too far; out of a damned cursed well that once again had sucked away everything.

Slowly, she approached the wide trunk, one hand reaching out to touch the rough bark. Now that she was looking, she could see how the grounds were overgrown. Her grandfather had taken such pride in their family shrine, it hurt to see it neglected and forgotten like this. And the tree…

Inuyasha was pinned the tree, a single arrow protruding from his chest. She reached to touch him and her fingers found sticky blood. It was fresh, warm and she started to come apart when he opened his eyes and looked at her. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

His eyes were dark, black as the hair that fell over his shoulders. Human Inuyasha gasped in pain, his face a mask of agony. Wordlessly, he pleaded with her for help, the scent of death heavy in the air and his face so pale against the dark blood of his wounds.

"W…what happened to you?" she managed to whisper. He just stared at her with pain in his eyes and did not speak. Trembling, she touched the arrow and he winced, frightened as a tormented child. She didn't know why he was here, why she was here, but she had to save him…somehow.

She pulled the arrow with all her strength, but it was stuck fast to the tree. She'd expected to vanish, but instead the shaft was hard in her grasp. Inuyasha gasped, his eyes closing against the pain and fresh blood spilled from his chest. He coughed, more blood flecking his lips and Kagome backed away from him, bringing her stained fingers to her mouth in horror.

"Tell me what happened," she begged, so helpless that she couldn't stand it. She'd never seen him look so weak, so close to death. Inuyasha was bleeding to death in front of her and she couldn't do a damn thing! She had to find help for him, an ambulance, a doctor. He couldn't seem to speak, barely managing to raise his hand and touch her tear-streaked face.

His expression was tender and sad, as if bidding her goodbye forever. Her heart was breaking, now after all this, she had to watch him die as well?

"Hold on," she said, her voice breaking. "I'll find someone, they'll help you. I won't leave you here, Inuyasha!"

For a moment, the pain in his eyes seemed to soften, becoming infinitely sad. His hand fell away from her face, hanging limp at his side as his head drooped forward. No, this wasn't happening, she could never stand to see him hurt. She'd always hated to see him wounded, always felt his pain as if it had been her own.

Tenderly, she reached for his face, his skin already going chill. "Inuyasha," she whispered, stroking the dark hair away from his eyes. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do."

_Tell me what I'm supposed to do!_

His eyes just barely opened, the pupils dilated. He seemed to be struggling; she could see his throat move as he tried to force words from his punctured chest. Leaning close, she caught the barest whisper.

"Kagome...run…"

A hand seized the back of her hair and she screamed, full out screamed in sudden terror. She was lifted off her feet, a tearing pain in her scalp, and swung around to face a monster. Glowing crimson eyes from a nightmare met hers; long fangs glinting as he opened his twisted mouth. Shock poured through her body at the sight of his ravaged, scarred face, his white hair a wild mess as his claws buried themselves deep in her throat.

_No_…

"You killed me, bitch," he hissed, anger rolling off him in waves. "Now you're going to die."

oOo

Kagome gasped, sitting up and holding her head in her hands while the terror still pounded in her blood. A dream…but horrifyingly real.

It was hardly the first time that she'd dreamed of her own death, but this nightmare took a new twist. That she'd make it home, only to find that her mother was dead, her brother gone and everything in her life had vanished. She ached from the tension in her body; it made her tremble. She was exhausted, it seemed like every time she tried to sleep, her subconscious was determined to attack her.

Sighing, she glanced across their tiny camp, the banked coals of their fire glowing in the pre-dawn darkness. Shippou was snoring, lying flat on his back with one arm cocked under his head like a pillow. She remembered when he was a child and he'd beg to sleep next to her. Chances are that he still would, but things couldn't ever be the same.

On her right, Rin was a dark huddle. Her breathing was deep and even, obviously not troubled by visions or guilt. And why should it? More and more Rin was coming to remind Kagome of her past self, so bold and full of life.

Kagome smiled slightly as she watched the younger woman sleep. Perhaps Rin's confidence had come from her adoptive father. One thing that Sesshomaru had never seemed to lack was confidence, utterly sure of himself and his place in the world. Inuyasha was a bit like that now, as if all the ghosts of his lonely childhood had somehow been put to rest by his full youkai blood, or his full youkai brother's acceptance.

On her left, there was a mystery. Kohaku was utterly still in sleep, unmoving and barely breathing it seemed. She could see the scars on his cheek as he slept, highlighted by slight glow of the fire. A terrible injury, the death his sister had saved him from had still cost him his eye. Again, here was another person from her past who had somehow healed his life.

And done a better job of it than herself. Like Kouga, he'd gathered the strength to live and found something to fight for, something to believe in. He was strong like his sister had been, but Kagome wondered if Sango would approve of the choices her younger brother had made.

He's nothing like Souta, she thought to herself, watching as the dark hair over his nose stirred slightly. The deadly young man Kohaku had become had nothing in common with her easygoing brother. But it made her wonder just the same. If she'd never returned from the well that last time, if she hadn't come back to them wearing invisible scars on her heart and body, would Souta have found a way to take the path of revenge?

Would he have become grim and silent, his eyes banked with resolute anger? It was a question she'd never have the answer for, and one that she didn't want to dwell upon in the dark hours before dawn. Not after having visions of a future that mocked her dreams with futility.

It wasn't futile. There was still hope. She'd learned what she needed to learn while here and now it was time to go home.

She hadn't known what to say when Kohaku had told her there was a way home for her.

"How?" she asked, suspicious of anyone who'd offer her such a dream. It was too convenient, too neat. And Kagome had learned to be suspicious of things that weren't messy.

"I can't make any promises," Kohaku said, his voice soft. "Only that she might help you." His gaze lifted over her shoulder and she saw something cold in his face as he looked at Inuyasha's unconscious figure.

"Or perhaps not as she has no love of youkai."

Kagome studied him, his quiet stance, and his stern resolve. No love of youkai, but someone that might help her?

"Who?" she asked, befuddled. "A…priestess?"

"A very old woman," Kohaku answered. "She lives alone in the deepest part of the forest and she's been much help to my people."

Spelled ropes and bindings. Weapons that were strong enough to put humans on the level to attack, capture, and kill much stronger beings. She'd assumed that Kaede had been the one helping the youkai hunters.

"You say she's helped you in destroying youkai," Kagome said, her tone carefully neutral. "Even if they hadn't attacked humans?"

Kohaku stiffened a bit at her words. "She's helped us to defend ourselves," he told her, an undertone of quiet strength in his voice.

"Kagome," Shippou's soft voice broke in, "she might help you just the same. It's not your fault that you were brought here and…"

He didn't say it, but she could hear the words echo in her mind. _Just to get you away from Inuyasha_.

Everyone seemed so damned determined to protect her from herself. She'd had enough; if she were to go before this woman she wouldn't be doing it out of fear or to beg for help. She'd do it because the truth was…she didn't belong here.

"Is it far?" she asked. She needed to know what she was asking of him. She'd already disrupted enough lives and like Kouga, obviously Kohaku had a responsibility to his people first.

"Not far," Kohaku said, glancing out at the quiet forest, "but it will be dangerous. I'm the only one who knows the way, and I can't ask any of my men to come with us. Since you were my sister's friend, I will take you there myself."

Her eyes misted when he said that, reminding her of what he'd already lost. In a way, she was responsible…if she hadn't shattered the jewel, Kohaku's family wouldn't have been killed when Naraku stole the shards they'd been protecting.

But what Ayame had said came back to her. She couldn't keep the blame for everything Naraku had done as her own. Out of shame, she'd found a way to make herself think that she'd deserved all that guilt, pretending that she'd been the catalyst for the destruction of so many lives.

Thinking of the wolf demon's earnest words, she suddenly remembered that Kouga's people were missing. "Shippou," she said, urgent now. "Where did Kouga go? When Inuyasha and I got here, the camp was abandoned."

Shippou frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. "Kouga has men set to watch for attacks," he admitted, not quite looking in Kohaku's direction. "If they knew that swarm was heading this way, he would have sent everyone to the caves down by the river. It's the safest place for the women and children to hide, he wouldn't have them stay here and be vulnerable if the fight went badly."

Kohaku smiled faintly. "That's quite intelligent of him, they'd be a liability in battle."

"I supposed you'd think so!"

They all turned at the sound of Kouga's angry voice to see the wolf youkai appear from the tree line, followed by a dozen of his men. The demon hunters immediately took a defensive stance, readying their swords and spears. Kouga looked absolutely furious, stalking across the compound with hatred in his eyes. Kohaku folded his arms and waited, apparently not intimidated in the least.

"You have no business here," the wolf growled, pointing a finger at Kohaku's men. "You think I don't know how many of my people you've murdered? I should kill you where you stand, bastard!"

"And how many humans have you killed?" Natsu shouted angrily. Kohaku's men snarled their assent, ready to attack the wolves at Kohaku's signal. In response, Kouga's wolf demons growled in challenge, their claws ready for battle as they started to advance.

"No," Shippou broke in, grabbing for Kouga's arm. His foster father shook him off, glaring at the kitsune.

"You brought them here?" he demanded, not taking his eyes from Kohaku. "Damn it, Shippou! What the hell were you thinking? Now that they know where we are, we won't be safe here!"

"I'm not here to attack you, Kouga," Kohaku said in an even, deadly voice. "This doesn't have to get violent."

"Fuck you," the wolf sneered, his eyes glinting with fury. "You're butchers, murderers! Not one of my men had attacked a human settlement, but you still cut them down like animals!"

"You are animals," Natsu shouted, stepping forward with his spear clenched in his hands. "You're filthy youkai that deserve to be wiped from the earth!"

"Natsu," Kohaku said, his voice like a lash. "I've warned you…"

"Keep that bastard's mouth shut," Kouga hissed. "You ambush my men and slaughter our wolves, but you're exposed right now. I've been waiting for the chance to take you down."

"You want to take me on yourself, wolf?" Kohaku asked, his body tense like a steel spring. Slowly, he drew his curved blade, the chain rattling as he pulled it taut like a threat. "I didn't come here to fight you, Kouga. But if that's what you want, you can have your battle now."

"Please," Kagome whispered, her eyes burning as they faced each other. "This isn't what you want, either of you." It looked like there was no way to stop this fight, no way to turn them aside. Desperately, she looked at Shippou, hoping he'd somehow find a way to make Kouga back down. His face was red, his eyes panicked as he saw Kouga and Kohaku start to circle each other, menace and old hatred filling the air.

"Prepare to die, human," Kouga snarled, ready to leap at his enemy.

"We shall see," Kohaku returned as he raised his blade.

_Oh god no!_

"If you bastards are going to fight," an annoyed voice broke in, "could you at least be fucking quiet about it?"

"Inuyasha," Kagome murmured, a strange happiness filling her heart as she saw the inuyoukai slowly getting to his feet. He staggered a bit, looking pale and ill. Concern washed over her as she went to help him. He brushed her aside, putting his hand to his forehead with a wince.

"Are you okay?" she asked, worried at how sick he looked.

"I'd be better if these assholes would just shut up," he growled. Sighing heavily, he dropped his hand and glared at them. "My head is fucking killing me."

"This isn't your problem," Kouga said, but some of the fury had receded in his eyes. "Don't interfere, mutt."

Inuyasha snorted. "Like I give a fuck if you two kill each other," he said, some of the color coming back into his face. "But I'm gonna pound the both of you into the ground if you don't stop yelling about it."

"He doesn't look strong enough to pound sand into a hole," Natsu muttered.

Kohaku nodded slowly and slipped his blade back into his belt. "This is not the time to be fighting," he said, casting a stern look at his men. "Kagome, my offer to help you stands. Will you come with me or not?"

He'd grown up so much, and into such a strong person, she thought. Kohaku's scarred face and covered eye reminded her of the nature of sacrifices. Wasn't it cowardly of her to run away after being told that there was something she needed to do?

Or could it be that she was now looking for an excuse to stay with Inuyasha? She bit her lip and thought about it. Her selfishness had cost her nearly everything in the past, but how could she not try to get home when it might be her only chance to do so?

"Yes," she said at last. "I think I have to try, no matter what the danger is."

A warm arm fell across her shoulders. "You won't be alone," Shippou said quietly. "I promised to watch out for you, Kagome. I want to make sure that you're safe, wherever you are."

Kagome smiled, honestly touched by his offer. It meant so much to her, that he didn't resent her or hate her for what he'd seen. The child he'd been wouldn't have been able to forgive her for what he thought of as a betrayal. But here he was now, still trying to find a way to protect the ones he cared about.

The warm feeling in her heart vanished though, when Shippou turned to face Inuyasha. "Guess you aren't needed here," he said, his voice cold and angry. "Why don't you go back to where you belong and leave us alone?"

"Shippou," she burst out, shocked by the undertone of hatred in his words.

Surprisingly, Inuyasha didn't look angry at all. "Guess you're right about that, runt," he said softly, meeting her eyes. She felt the distance between them suddenly widen as if he stood on the other side of a massive gulf. There was something bitter in his expression, a regret she'd never seen before.

And it tore at her. She was leaving him…again.

Kohaku cleared his throat. "Actually, you might be wrong about that, Shippou," he said, his voice soft and serious. "I'm sure you've noticed that the youkai attacks have been getting more frequent. I can't spare any of my men for this journey. I think, if possible, Inuyasha should accompany us."

"What?" Shippou asked, outraged. "You want him with us?"

Nodding, the young exterminator turned to look Inuyasha in the eye. "I definitely think so. If a swarm like the one that attacked here comes again, you and I might not be able to fight them off. I want to help, but I have no intention of throwing my life away. He should come with us."

"That's not my problem," Inuyasha said, staring back at Kohaku. His expression was as cold and remote as Sesshomaru's had ever been. He looked untouchable, a calm center of the conflict around him.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, hearing every bit of the dismissal in his voice.

He shrugged and looked away. "Has nothing to do with me. Just like Shippou said."

She was shook to the soles of her feet by his abrupt change. He'd made love to her, sworn that he wanted her. And now, because she was trying to go, he was willing to abandon her to whatever fate had in store? She flushed, realizing that whatever he'd said about his feelings for her, he'd expected them to be on his terms.

And now that she could accept the fact that she'd never stopped loving him, he'd turn off his feelings and just let her go. But she couldn't very well beg him to come with her, expecting him to follow like a desperate suitor. He wouldn't do it, not then and not now.

"I understand," she said, her voice calm as if her heart weren't breaking all over again.

"Well I don't!" Kouga exploded, glaring at them all. Angrily, he stalked over to Inuyasha and grabbed his arm hard. "Stupid mutt," he ground out. "If she needs you now, you owe it to her to help!"

Inuyasha yanked his arm away, returning Kouga's glare. "You don't tell me what to do," he snapped. "Fucking go yourself, wolf-turd, if you're that damned worried."

Growling with annoyance, Kouga grabbed Inuyasha by the ear. The inuyoukai's face went dark red and he suddenly seized Kouga's throat with his claws. "Kouga," he hissed, "I'm warning you…"

"Listen to me," the wolf said, his voice harsh. "I don't give a damn about you, or what you want. You're the same selfish prick you've always been."

Inuyasha shoved Kouga away and folded his arms over his chest. "What about it?" he asked mockingly. "Since when do you get to give me orders, you can't even protect your own territory."

"We'll go without you," Shippou growled, thrusting himself between Kouga and Inuyasha. He fixed Inuyasha with a glare. "You promised to protect Kagome and you let her down. I won't let you do it again!"

"You can't stop me from doing anything," Inuyasha hissed, suddenly vicious. He glared around him as if daring them to fight. "Like hell I'm going to follow some damn exterminator into the forest, visit some damn bitch priestess. It sounds like a fucking trap."

Kohaku put up his hand, silencing the angry mutters of his men. "You're right to be suspicious," he said quietly. "To be honest, I don't want you to come with us. This would be your chance to murder me as well, Inuyasha."

"Then why take the chance?" Inuyasha demanded. He turned to look at Kagome and she caught her breath as his lip curled in contempt. "What do you think you'll get out of her for your help?"

"You just want to keep her here for yourself," Shippou snarled, shoving his way past Kouga when the wolf tried to hold him back. "Kohaku isn't trying to get anything from Kagome, or you, or anyone. You don't remember a goddamn thing! Who the hell are you to accuse him or anyone else?"

Inuyasha laughed, his voice cruel. "What makes you think I want to keep her?" he sneered. Shippou flushed and then jumped when Inuyasha flicked the tip of his nose with a sharp claw. "She ain't nothing to me." His eyes slid to Kagome's and she thought she saw a ghost of something there before he turned away.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, the pain like a knot in her chest. "You…you came back here to save me. You used Tessaiga. Doesn't that mean…"

"Absolutely nothing," he bit out. He glared at her like she'd torn out his heart and laughed. "You hate me, remember? I only saved your life because…"

His words seemed to fade away, dry up in his throat like sand. Inuyasha swallowed and then shrugged. "Because you were stupid enough to believe me when I said I loved you."

The breath went out of her body, hissing past her lips like a dry ghost. For a long moment, she wanted to sag to her knees, let herself drown. Again…he'd lied to her again and she'd believed him. And this time she couldn't conveniently try to blame a jewel for her mistakes.

This time…he'd known exactly what he'd been doing and there could be no denying it.

"I don't believe you," she ground out, her hands clenching into fists. "You're a fucking liar, Inuyasha. You're lying to me now, but you weren't lying to me then!"

He stared at her for a long moment and Kagome forgot that there were others watching. Kouga, Kohaku and his offer of help…Shippou's anger and jealousy, it all faded into the background. She run in terror from his love before, just as she'd run away from the wild youkai of the past. His words cut her to the bone, but she was no longer afraid.

"Believe what you want," Inuyasha muttered. "It doesn't make a damn difference to me. Go back to where you belong, Kagome."

"I will," she spat, furious with herself for believing him. Deliberately, she turned her back on Inuyasha, facing Kohaku with a serious gaze. "I'm willing to take the risk, whatever the danger," she said, making her voice cold as ice. "As he said, I should go back to where I belong."

Kohaku rubbed the back of his head and sighed. "I don't like this," he said thoughtfully, watching Inuyasha's face. "If you want Kagome to go home where she belongs, won't you at least help me see her safely there?"

"I have no reason to care what happens to that woman," Inuyasha muttered. Kouga growled and he shot the wolf a furious glare. "And I sure as hell don't care about what you think either!"

"And what do you care about?" a new voice broke in, lighter but no less angry than the others.

Kagome turned to see Rin, standing beside a silent Ayame as the wolf tribe's women and children started to make their way back into camp. The girl looked upset and it was obvious she'd overheard most, if not all, of the conversation.

"Rin, this isn't your…"

"Sesshomaru-sama told you to help her," Rin said in an accusing tone. "I don't believe you'd turn your back on Kagome just because there's nothing in it for you."

Inuyasha glared at her, folding his arms over his chest with a sneer. "You don't know what you're talking about, little girl," he said. "You think you can tell me what's right just because my damn brother lets you have your way all the time? Like hell I'm taking orders from a spoiled brat!"

Rin jumped at him, slapping the startled youkai with her open palm. He took a step back, confused and then his face flushed angrily. "I've always defended you," she said, glaring up at him. "Whatever anyone said back home, I always took your side. I'm ashamed to think I was wrong about you."

Kagome couldn't think of what to say, only that she felt responsible for this too. Reaching for the girl's arm, she tried to smooth things over. "Rin, don't…"

"You're wrong about him, Rin," Shippou said, bitterness seeping from his voice. "He doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself and never has. It's always been a lie!"

The air around them went very still, almost breathless with anticipation. Then Inuyasha snorted, shaking back his hair as he stared right at Kagome. "Of course it was a lie," he said, his voice softly intimate. "You keep telling me how I betrayed you, turned on you. Most likely I'll do it again."

"Inuyasha," she whispered, unable to speak more than his name.

"Just go home," he said, something lost in his eyes when he looked at her. "Don't you get it? I don't want you anymore."

She closed her eyes, feeling her heart being crushed by his words. Her knees trembled but she pulled herself together, fighting it. Her hands slowly closed into fists, her back stiff as she turned away. She wouldn't let him see her cry…no, she wouldn't do that.

"If you want her to go home, then you should come with us," Kohaku said. The young exterminator seemed unmoved by what had been said, instead focusing on the reality of the situation.

"Yes," Rin said softly, her own eyes welling at the pain in Kagome's face. "At least that much, Inuyasha."

He sighed, utterly defeated and glanced around him, seeing half-hostile glares from the wolves and open suspicion from the youkai hunters. He glared back at them before shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, whatever," he growled softly, turning back to Rin. "Just quit bitching at me."

Rin's face broke into a happy smile and Kagome wished her heart could feel glad. Home, she might be going home. But she couldn't make herself feel happy about it now, not with Inuyasha's cold rejection lodged in her heart like an arrow. It seemed like he was never going to run out of ways to hurt her.

_I hate you_.

Oh but she didn't, even now when he wouldn't look at her, when he told her to go. Slowly, she turned to face him, her feet dragging and resignation in her eyes. She could only pray that Kohaku's mysterious, youkai-despising woman of the forest might give her hope. But for now, at least she could be with him a little while longer. Maybe enough to heal what was left of her heart, so that she could leave him on his side of the well without regrets.

"Thank you," she said, and meant it. "Thank you for doing this for me."

oOo

Kohaku insisted on leaving immediately, but Kagome wished they'd had a chance to rest. She knew Inuyasha hadn't full recovered from the battle yet, or Tessaiga's backlash. She could tell by the way he walked a little slower and kept putting his hand to his head as if in pain. But Kohaku said they couldn't linger here for very long, they'd only put the wolf demon tribe in danger if they stayed.

Kouga had found that comment to be exceptionally funny, laughing harshly as he loudly announced to his people that the exterminator was concerned for their safety. Kagome could see that they didn't believe a word of it, not even relaxing when Kohaku sent his men off without him.

"It's a few days journey to our village," he told Kagome in a quiet aside. "They'll go ahead and make sure there's nothing ugly waiting for us."

"Your village?" she asked, confused. "We were there, that's not where you said we would go."

He shook his head, still as quiet and sober as she remembered. "Not that village, my people have spread out. We're the most vulnerable if we're all in the same place, so I don't allow my men to stay anywhere very long. We'll stop and get supplies there." Then he smiled shyly, not quite looking at her. "And I want you to meet my wife."

Kagome stopped, a faint grin on her face as Kohaku flushed slightly. "You have a wife?" she asked. Well, why not? Kohaku was an adult, not a child anymore than Shippou was. Of course he'd have someone and she felt her heart lift at the idea, knowing how glad Sango would have been to know her brother had some happiness.

His expression remained serious. "After…after my sister saved my life, I was badly burned, near death," he explained as the smile died in her eyes. "I probably would have died, but a girl found me. She went for help and the people from her village came to get me. I spent months trying to recover while she and her mother nursed my wounds. I've been with them ever since."

"And you married this girl," Kagome finished, reaching for his hand. He looked startled when she gave his fingers a squeeze. "Kohaku, I'm happy for you."

"We're expecting our first child very soon," he said, his face creasing around his scars in a smile. "My wife thinks I want a son, but I really want a daughter. I'd like to name her after my sister."

Warmth filled her heart and Kagome was able to believe for a moment that people could be happy. "Sango would love that," she said, her voice husky as she remembered her brave friend. "She would be so proud of you, Kohaku."

She'd expected him to be pleased when she said that, but a shadow crossed his face and Kohaku dropped her hand. "I expect she would," he answered, his voice without a trace of emotion. Then he walked away, giving last minute instructions to his men before they disappeared into the forest ahead of them.

"He's changed quite a bit," Rin said softly, coming to stand next to Kagome. "I remember him as a boy, how sad he was. At the time I didn't understand what had been…had been done to him."

Kagome didn't answer, remembering that once Kohaku had nearly killed Rin, and also that he'd nearly killed her too while under Naraku's influence. Too well she remembered Sango's pain over her brother's manipulation, how devastated she had been by his crimes. She supposed that this was his way of making up for what he'd done, the innocents he'd murdered while acting as Naraku's executioner.

Sango would be proud of her brother now, she was sure of it.

"I still think we should leave without Inuyasha," Shippou grumbled. Kagome raised her eyebrows when Rin turned on the young kitsune, her eyes flashing.

"This isn't about you," she scolded, shaking a finger at the fox. "Can't you let go of your hate, Shippou? We're all trying to help Kagome, isn't that what you want?"

"She's right," a deep voice murmured. Shippou turned to glare at Kouga, who only gave him a condescending grin. "You're making an ass of yourself, Shippou. And you're making Kagome damn uncomfortable. If you can't behave yourself, I'm going make you stay here."

Shippou's eyes widened. "You…what the hell, Kouga? You hate him as much as I do, don't tell me you're gonna start trusting Inuyasha now!"

"I don't," the wolf said, his eyes narrowed into slits. "But I'm trusting you to watch over her, you stupid brat. And you can't do that when you're looking for a fucking fight. It's not about you, so quit acting like a little kid."

"The hell!" Shippou said hotly. His face was crimson with embarrassment and Kagome had to hide a smile. Kouga merely raised his eyebrows and shot Kagome a wicked smile.

"Of course," Kouga taunted, "if you were more of a man, you'd know what an ass you're making of yourself. Been a long time since I had to put you in your place, kid. You want me to do it now?"

Shippou sputtered angrily, his face going even redder before Rin grabbed his arm and shook it. "Let's go help Ayame with the supplies," she said, giving his hair a quick tug to make him look at her. "I want you to come with me to say goodbye to her and the children. They look up to you, Shippou, so act like you deserve it."

The fox was still grumbling as she pulled him away, half dragging the kitsune with the determined air of a girl who was used to having her way. Kouga burst out laughing, actually wiping tears from eyes as he watched Rin bully the sullen Shippou.

"That girl of Sesshomaru's is a feisty one," he said, grinning down at Kagome. "Must come from being raised around dogs, she's almost a demon herself."

"You were provoking him," Kagome answered, smiling. "Kouga, I can't tell you how grateful I am for everything you did for Shippou."

The wolf brushed off her compliment. "I was trying to provoke him," he said with a smirk. "Only way to get him to stop thinking about himself."

"He's still so angry," she murmured. Kagome sighed heavily and rubbed her eyes. "And I'm not making it easier for him."

Kouga's hand fell on her shoulder and turned her to face him. "No, it's not about you," he told her quietly, his expression going quite serious. "He says it is, but it's not. He's still hurt from what Inuyasha did in the past and not just because of what he did to you. He's going to have to find a way to deal with it sooner or later, so just let him be."

Her eyes bleak, she stared up at Kouga. "You think so, I don't know that it's better this way. Maybe he shouldn't go with us; I don't know what will happen. If he can't get over his anger, it's going to be rough for us all."

Kouga was silent, staring at the forest where Inuyasha had disappeared just before Kohaku's men had left. "I think you're in for a rough time anyway," the wolf mused. "I don't trust him, Kagome."

She sighed and put her hand over his. "I know, Kouga. But if Kohaku thinks Inuyasha should go with us, I think we should…"

"I'm not talking about Inuyasha," he said, interrupting her. He took her hand and pulled her to the side, glancing over at where Ayame was standing with Shippou and Rin. "I'm talking about Kohaku. Don't trust him, Kagome. I know he's the brother of your dead friend, but…don't trust him."

"Kouga," she said, surprised. He nodded once, harshly, and turned a smile on her that didn't have much heart in it.

"Ayame and I agree," he said soberly. "If you've got any misgivings about this, you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. I might not like Inuyasha; I hate his guts in fact. But I know him, maybe better than you think. Something happened to him out there, not just losing his memory."

He shook himself, obvious chilled by his own thoughts. "In any case," Kouga said, forcing his voice to sound light. "You don't have to go. Inuyasha…you can handle it, Kagome. But watch that boy; don't think that his loyalty is yours just because you trusted his sister. I've lost too many friends to his butchers for me to think he's only acting out of compassion."

It was a serious warning and she took it as such. Now, sitting in the darkness with her own dreams to haunt her, she thought about his warning again.

Kohaku had no real reason to help her, none other than for his sister's memory. But he was still willing to take her to this mysterious woman…he was even risking his ally by having Shippou, Rin, and Inuyasha with them. Shippou's loyalty was to the wolves, more importantly, Rin and Inuyasha were loyal to Sesshomaru. And Sesshomaru and Kouga had both suffered the loss of many lives at the hands of Kohaku's men.

Wouldn't this be a prime opportunity for revenge?

It would, and Kagome sighed, letting her forehead rest on her knees as her companions slept on. But Shippou was the one who had brought Kohaku to her, risking Kouga's anger in the process, not to mention the lives of his adopted family. And she wouldn't believe Rin capable of betraying anyone. The girl was blunt and honest, perhaps more skilled than she realized…but honest.

But Inuyasha…

Kohaku had practically insisted that Inuyasha come with them. She would have thought Sesshomaru's brother would be the last person Kohaku would let near his most important ally. He didn't just allow it, he demanded it. As if there was no point in even trying to reach their goal without Inuyasha's help.

Was it possible that something out there had Kohaku so scared he'd even allow an enemy into his home village? Where he had a family, a pregnant wife? She'd think that they'd be at the top of his list when it came to someone to protect. And his men had looked nervous too, but not about the wolves or Inuyasha.

They looked like men who'd learned fear until it came as easy as breathing.

"Shit," she muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. It was possible there was more to what was going on. It wasn't about her and cursed herself for being blind. She'd let her feelings for Inuyasha cloud her judgment all right, but not in the way she'd expected.

And then she thought about the nameless, horrifying presence of grief and terror stalking the forest. It was more than a ghost, less than a monster, but it had been following her since the moment she'd stepped out of that damned well…

Following…her? Was it possible that the attack on Kouga's tribe hadn't been aimed at the wolves at all? Instead, that swarm of youkai might have been hunting for someone else, someone not of the wolf youkai

Shit! Groaning, Kagome covered her eyes with her hand. Miroku…or whoever he was…had insisted she was here to do something. Something very important, something vital. It had to be that presence, but…what was she to do about it?

_Tell me what to do!_

Kagome got to her feet with a grimace, taking care not to wake Shippou or the others. She needed to tell Inuyasha about this. Like it or not, he had to know what they were getting into, if only so that he could be prepared. She should have told him about Miroku's visits, the things he'd said.

_Tell him about the baby!_

She winced, she wasn't ready…not yet. But she promised herself that she'd tell him before she left, if she left at all. Right now hope seemed as distant as the stars, but she had to know. The path of cowardice wasn't leaving here, it was in staying, hoping for ignorance and letting herself become numb. Kagome had learned that she could feel again, and she wasn't going to turn her back on that.

Muttering to herself, she made her way to the forest. Inuyasha was here somewhere, having wandered into the trees at dusk. He hadn't said a word to anyone, just left to be alone with his own grim thoughts. She couldn't blame him; things were so tense between them. And what he'd said, she knew he couldn't take it back. If he even wanted to.

Almost as soon as she'd stepped into the brush, she felt him watching her. Silent, waiting…as if he'd expected her to seek him out. She had things to say that weren't for anyone else's ears. She had to tell him what she'd been thinking, how the presence might be connected to her and that it seemed Kohaku had reason to fear it.

And she had things to ask him as well. Like why he'd lied to her. She didn't believe for one minute he'd been lying when he'd said he loved her, oh hell no. But she wanted…needed…to know why he lied afterward and treated her with such contempt that it should have sent her into a screaming rage of betrayal.

Kagome stopped, knowing he was standing right behind her. Without turning around, she lifted her gaze the sky. "Inuyasha."

She heard his sleeves rustle. "What do you want?"

Deliberately, she dropped her eyes to the ground, still not turning to face him. "What do you think I want, Inuyasha? I want to talk to you."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you."

She spun around and shoved him, surprising him with her sudden fury. "That's too goddamn bad!" Because she didn't have to keep her emotions to herself right now, Kagome hit him again, pounding his chest with her fists under the strain of her arms forced her to stop. It felt so good to lash out, like all the pain and fear found a focus once she struck Inuyasha.

Panting, she dropped her hands and leaned on her knees, cocking her head to look up at him. His expression was no longer a mask, instead he looked shocked, appalled at what he'd done to her. Then the veil dropped over his eyes again and he looked away.

"Why?" she gasped. "Why did you lie to me, Inuyasha? Why did you say those things? I know they aren't true, but every time I start to believe in you, you just hurt me again!"

"I know," he whispered. "That's why I want you to leave."

Strangely enough, it made her laugh. "You want me to stay, then you want me to leave. What the hell are you trying to do, drive me crazy?"

Gently, he took her shoulders and pulled her up, looking down into her eyes with an expression she couldn't define. "No."

Her hands gripped his wrists, squeezing as tightly as she could. "Then don't lie to me anymore," she pleaded. "Don't confuse me or pretend I'm nothing to you. You heartless bastard, I've been tearing myself apart ever since I saw first saw you!"

Then she broke down completely, sobbing as she clung to his arms. She ached; she just plain ached and knew that she couldn't take it anymore. To hell with getting home and to hell with Kohaku's mystery priestess. She just wanted it all to stop.

Inuyasha held her against him, one hand drifting up to stroke her hair. "Don't cry," he murmured, speaking as if to a child. "Don't cry over me, Kagome. I'm…not worth your tears."

That only made her cry harder, burying her face against his chest until his haori was damp. She snuffled, her nose irritated by the rough material. Inuyasha sighed heavily, leaning against a tree until her sobs died away. For a long moment, she was content to let him hold her, feeling the warmth of his embrace as if it were the last good thing she'd ever feel.

Presently, he tipped her face up to his, carefully wiping her wet cheek with the back of a finger. Once again, he seemed a different man. This one gentle and tender instead of rough, kind instead of cruel. She didn't get him, maybe never had, but once she'd dreamed of loving him only to have that dream torn away.

Kagome's breath hissed between her teeth, wanting him. Urgently, she pressed against him, running her hands down his chest, caressing his body. Inuyasha only closed his eyes, letting his head fall back as if in surrender. She kissed his neck, pressing her teeth against the skin, working down his collarbone in a line of sensuous abandon.

He was trembling, his hands no longer gentle but gripping her shoulders and his breath only short gasps. Kagome kissed his chest, carefully working at the ties of his haori to expose more skin. She pressed her lips against the smooth flesh, the muscles beneath rippling at her touch. She wanted taste him, run her tongue down the length of him and take him inside her mouth.

She pushed aside the haori and licked his left nipple, heard him gasp. Still he made no move to hold her closer. Kagome took that for his agreement, he'd let her do what she wanted and ask nothing else. Her body was on fire for him, she could feel the heat between her thighs. Moaning softly, she rubbed against him, the friction of her body against his a delicious torment of anticipation.

Her hand slid down his chest, fingers warm against his skin. She wanted it to last forever, she wanted to revel in him. The smooth skin of his stomach was hers to touch, sliding her hand under his haori to ghost over the taut muscles. Kagome knew that she hadn't said what she'd come to say, but nothing mattered now. She wanted him to feel what she felt, know what she knew, and the best way for that to happen was to show him.

Inuyasha gasped when her hand dropped below his waist, finding the stiffness that was growing there. She squeezed him firmly, letting her hand move along his length until she felt him start to shake. It was too much for him to bear, she could feel him straining against the material of his hakama. But he was so warm in her hand, so burningly hot, she had to quench his fire the only way she knew.

One hand at the waist of his hakama, she started to drag it past his hips as she knelt, her lips already moist, her tongue flicking past her teeth. So hungry, so ready to taste him now, she'd make him understand what she felt when he touched her, how much she needed to be at his side.

Inuyasha grunted, suddenly straightening and seized her wrists. Kagome looked up in surprise, hardly expecting to be stopped at this point. His face was flushed, his eyes seemed almost desperate, but he held her away from him as if it was the most difficult moment of his life.

"Don't," he said, his voice a husky rasp. "You don't have to do this."

"I want to," she whispered, trying to twist her hands free. He wouldn't let her go and then with a groan, he yanked her to her feet. Kagome staggered against him, but he pushed her back, holding her at arms length.

"You don't want to," he said roughly.

"Of course I do," she said, moving towards him eagerly. "Inuyasha, I…"

"Stop it!" he shouted, shoving at her hard when she tried to cling to him. "Damn it, Kagome!"

Trembling, she stared as him as he tied his hakama, pulled his haori shut. His expression was dark and unreadable, his eyes glinting like golden sparks. He looked so angry and she was lost, befuddled again and dropped her hands to her sides in frustration.

"Why?" she asked, almost ashamed to hear that pleading note in her voice.

He'd turned away, resting his arm against the tree as he needed it to hold him steady. "Is this your plan after all?" he asked, his voice hollow and dry. "You think you can control me that way, you think I'm going to let you lead me around by my cock? It's not going to work, Kagome."

Her eyes went wide. "Y…you think…I'd do something like that? Why?"

"You've already got what you want," he said bitterly. "I'm going with you, aren't I? We're going to see Kohaku's witch and find out if she can send you back where you belong."

He misunderstood. He thought she was trying to manipulate him, as if all the heartfelt sobs had been staged. Like she'd let herself break down like that, openly showing the bastard how much she needed him. Not because she wanted him to save her or help her or do anything she asked like a dog running after a bitch in heat.

She just wanted him so much that it hurt to breathe.

Now she trembled, her hands cold as she clenched her fists. "Inuyasha, I wasn't doing anything like that," she said, her voice thin with anger. "I just…I just want to be with you. While I can and…"

He grimaced as if her words hurt more than he could bear. "No," he said, his tone as final as a grave. "You don't want that and neither do I. It was a mistake…I made a mistake. Now I'm going to do whatever I have to in order to fix it, Kagome. And that means there has to be nothing else between us."

His harsh words before had been meant to drive her away, but he'd been done in by his own desires. Kagome reached out to him, her hand shaking as she caught his sleeve. She crept closer, her arms sliding around him as she rested her head against his back.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, saying his name because it was the only thing she could say. Another word and she'd start screaming, or crying, or just collapse from the weight of his love in her heart.

His hand closed over hers, fingers desperately clenched. "I have to protect you," he said, sounding like he wished he could cry along with her. "Even from myself. I won't let you be hurt again. That means I got to let you go."

Pained, Kagome lifted her face as he turned slowly to face her. Seeing her tears again, he pressed his finger against her lips and whispered so softly that she would have missed his words if she hadn't been watching for them.

"I'm sorry."


	31. ThirtyOne

_**Possession 31**_

Shippou watched carefully, making sure to keep Kagome within sight as much as possible. He was trying to be protective; he was trying to follow Kouga's order that Kagome be kept safe. He knew he looked like a jealous ass and his face burned with embarrassment whenever he saw Rin give him a disgusted glance.

Hell, it wasn't her problem anyway! Why did the girl keep glaring at him, she should be grateful he was doing what he could. Unappreciated, Shippou slunk to the side of the little clearing and sat in the shadows. He was tired from walking all day and from staying up all night. But he could take this and worse, he wasn't going to let down his guard.

Not while Inuyasha was around and not while he didn't entirely trust Kohaku.

He wanted to trust Kohaku, which was the problem. Too often he found himself thinking about the old days, when they were all like a little family. He remembered Sango and Kirara and he still missed them both so much it just hurt, just plain hurt to be reminded they weren't alive. It wasn't that Kohaku really resembled his sister, not with that covered eye and those scars. But the injuries, healed over like he'd thought his memories were, still told him over and over…

They were dead. They weren't ever coming back.

Sighing, he put his head down on his arms to rest. Hadn't Kouga taught him to be tough? He could go days without sleeping and still run leagues on his way home. But this was different. Every step they took, every tree they passed, he felt himself growing more and more exhausted. It was like his body was eating up energy ten times too fast and the hell he was going to make them wait or leave him behind.

He'd loved to ride on Kirara's back; the firecat's power sending them soaring over the treetops. He liked the way Sango had babied him when she thought no one was watching. Many times she'd snuck him little tidbits and treats, winked at him when he provoked Inuyasha, or smiled behind her hand at his silly jokes. At the time, he'd thought that she was kind, only shy, and took the extra affection as something that was his due as the youngest member of their group.

A green kid to have not noticed the sadness behind her smile and known that she was missing her little brother.

"Shippou?"

He jerked awake when she shook his arm and blinked rapidly at Rin. Had he really fallen asleep, he didn't know. Annoyed, he brushed her off and got to his feet, ignoring the concern in the girl's eyes. Damn, he was really getting soft if he'd fall asleep when they had only stopped to rest their feet.

"Are you all right?" Rin had noticed the circles under his eyes and they worried her. She knew enough about youkai to know when one was pushing his limits. Although they'd had a decent enough rest while at Kouga's camp, she thought Shippou looked more tired than he should. He wasn't sleeping well at night, wasn't eating enough for all they'd found plenty of game in this forest. Over the last few days of traveling with Kohaku, she'd seen the kitsune looking like he was losing his strength.

And that worried her even more.

"I'm fine," he said irritably, brushing her aside once again when she tried to touch him. "Just leave me alone!"

Rin pressed her lips together and scowled. "You are not all right," she retorted, folding her arms and glaring like Inuyasha. "You look too tired. What's the matter with you, Shippou? If you need to rest, say so!"

Aware that everyone was watching him now, he saw Kohaku standing near the trees, Kagome and Inuyasha only a few feet away. He suddenly realized they'd called out to him several times as he'd slept sitting up. His face flushed and he immediately turned on Rin as the cause of his embarrassment.

"I don't need any rest!" he shouted. "I said I was fine!"

Spots of red mottled Rin's face and hurt blazed in her eyes. Shippou felt bad about yelling like that, but she was only drawing attention to the fact that ever since they'd set off with Kohaku, he'd been the one holding them back. He didn't understand it, it was embarrassing, and he'd been living in mortal fear that they'd all realize he was getting weaker.

The hell he'd let them leave him behind, that's just what they probably wanted!

"You aren't making sense," Kagome said softly. Crossing the distance between them in a few steps, she gently moved between him and Rin to lay her hand on his forehead. She sucked in a breath, her eyes widening with concern. "Shippou, you feel like you have a fever."

"I do not," he lied, having felt the flush since the day before. He'd shrugged it off, knowing that now was not the time to get sick. Youkai didn't get sick! He'd never seen Kouga or Inuyasha brought down by a fever. At least he had that to rely on, the fact that his youkai blood wouldn't allow him to catch cold or an illness like a human.

"You're sick." Shippou ground his teeth as the two women made him sit back down. This was so embarrassing, he thought, miserable as Rin and Kagome started to discuss what needed to be done. Kagome was saying something about a virus, what was that? Rin was telling her it couldn't be illness, there had to be something more.

"We aren't in that much of a hurry," Inuyasha muttered, not quite looking at Shippou. "If the brat is sick, he should stay here until he's better."

Kohaku had kept quiet until now, finally shaking his head in disagreement. "No, we are not in a hurry, but we shouldn't waste time either." His glance flicked over the ill kitsune. "Perhaps he should to return to the wolf youkai."

His heart turned over with a sickening thump and Shippou instinctively showed his teeth in a grimace. "I'm not going home," he said, tension radiating from his body. "I'm staying with you, I won't slow anyone down."

Rin sighed in exasperation. "Don't be stubborn," she chided him. "I know how you feel, but if you're really ill…"

"I'm not!"

"You are," Kohaku said quietly. "And it's going to get worse if you don't go back now." Noticing the startled expressions of Shippou's companions, he finally sighed and looked away. "This forest is protected by warding spells that make youkai sick so that they become weak and are easier to kill."

There was a moment of stunned silence while tension thickened the air. Kagome found her voice first.

"What?"

"Spiritual wards," Kohaku answered, his voice low but steady and unapologetic. "Shippou is feeling their effects sooner than I had thought he might. Lower youkai are affected more strongly, so I didn't think there would be a problem. But since Shippou is still young…"

Inuyasha growled softly and grabbed Kohaku's arm. "You shit," he said, anger sparking in his eyes. "You didn't think to tell us that before?"

Kohaku pushed his hand away, unconcerned. "I didn't think it was necessary. You would have only been in danger if you'd tried to attack one of my people or myself. In that case, the wards would have disabled you both. Perhaps even…" Kohaku's expression grew dark. "Perhaps even fatally."

As if to test the truth of Kohaku's words, Inuyasha cursed and swung his fist, aiming for the exterminator's face. Before it could connect with what could have been a killing blow, there was a sharp crack of energy in the air and Inuyasha shouted, suddenly waving his hand as if it had been burned. He glared daggers at Kohaku.

"So this was your plan?" Inuyasha demanded. "Make us helpless, weak and easy to kill?"

Shippou groaned and suddenly tipped forward, his face extremely pale. Kagome and Rin rushed to catch his arms, keeping him from falling hard to the ground. While Kohaku and Inuyasha continued to glare at each other, the women turned the semi-conscious kitsune on his back. He was sweating, but his skin now felt cold and he was trembling from head to foot.

"Is he okay?" Inuyasha asked, not looking them.

"No." Kagome brushed Shippou's hair back from his forehead. In all her time with Kaede, she'd never known that spiritual energy could be used this way. Miroku had been able to make barriers, but he'd never mentioned wards like this.

"I think he's in shock," she muttered. She was so angry that she wanted to scream, wanted to throw rocks at Kohaku's face. "We've got to get him out of here, Inuyasha. He could die."

Inuyasha folded his arms and continued to stare at Kohaku. "Is that what you wanted?" he asked softly. "To murder Shippou…to exterminate him?"

"You shouldn't have tried to hit me," Kohaku answered. "Isn't this your fault as well, Inuyasha?"

"Stop it!" Rin cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. She jumped up and launched herself at Kohaku, hitting him with her fists. "He trusted you! I remember you, Kohaku. You weren't always like this! You once trusted Sesshomaru-sama to protect you!"

Sudden anger crossed Kohaku's face, breaking his icy calm. He shoved Rin away. "What do you know about anything?" he hissed. "You're just a spoiled child, Rin. You've been treated like a pet by them and you don't even know it. I know what youkai are really like. I've seen innocent people die in this forest. So don't accuse me of something you know nothing about!"

"Shippou doesn't deserve to die like this!"

Kohaku's shoulders slumped and he flushed, leaning heavily against a tree. Kagome thought he looked like he was reliving every one of those deaths, but his mouth still twisted in pain when he looked at Shippou. Then he muttered something under his breath, rubbing the unscarred side of his face with his hand.

"We'll get him to my village," he said quietly. "He won't die, we just need to keep him away from the wards. Kohaku glanced over at Inuyasha. "You're going to have to carry him. The less contact he has with the ground, the better. He's weak now, but will recover.

Inuyasha said nothing, only fixed Kohaku with a cold stare. Then he lifted Shippou and slung him over his shoulder. The kitsune moaned, his arms swinging limp and heavy over Inuyasha's back.

"If you're lying," the inuyoukai said suddenly, glaring at Kohaku. "If you're lying, you're going to regret it. He dies, you die. Understand?"

"It's you that he wants dead," Kohaku answered, ignoring the soft gasps that came from Rin and Kagome. "You think I don't know that?"

"Doesn't matter," Inuyasha said grimly. "He's got his reasons."

oOo

They reached Kohaku's village in the late afternoon, all of them too tired to speak and too tense to even try. Kagome was worried about Shippou; he kept going in and out of consciousness, sometimes struggling feverishly. She sincerely hoped that Kohaku was telling the truth and that once they reached his village, Shippou's fever would pass. As much as she wanted to trust Sango's little brother, she knew that they were gambling with their lives right now.

Inuyasha hadn't said much to her or anyone else, a grim expression on his face as he kept his thoughts to himself. Carrying Shippou on his back, she'd noticed that he'd been considerably gentler with the sickened kitsune than she would have thought. Smiling sadly, she was reminded of when Shippou had been a child and Inuyasha, for all his bluster, had had been protective of him.

Right now the fox was draped over his back, arms hanging limp over Inuyasha's shoulders, snoring as his face was pillowed in the larger youkai's white hair. She brushed Shippou's face with her hand and noted that the fever did seem to be dropping.

"He seems to be resting easier now," she murmured.

"Keh, figured that from the snoring in my ear," Inuyasha responded. He shifted his unconscious burden a bit and Shippou snorted, turning his face away from Kagome. "Brat's tougher than he looks, don't worry about him."

She smiled and touched Inuyasha's arm. "Thanks for carrying him, Inuyasha."

"Not like I had a choice." She was relieved when he didn't pull away from her touch and kept her hand on his arm. Over the past few days, he'd kept his distance from her like she was the one who posed a danger, like he couldn't trust himself if he had any contact. That had hurt and while she understood the reasons why, it didn't make her any happier.

"I know," Kagome said softly, watching as Kohaku and Rin continued ahead of them. "But thanks just the same. I know he's been difficult and angry, a lot of that is my fault."

"Could you not do that?" Inuyasha said, his voice abrupt as he turned to look at her.

Kagome was confused. "Not do what?"

"Try to blame yourself for what Shippou does," he muttered. "He's not a kid, Kagome. He doesn't need you to make excuses for him, not any more than I do."

She thought she'd like to argue with that, but she was actually relieved that he was talking to her. Since that night in the forest, he'd been very distant, communicating with monosyllables and grunts, making it obvious that he really didn't want to speak to her at all. That wasn't fair; she needed to talk to him now. She needed to get things straight between them.

"I'm not blaming myself," she said softly. "And I'm not making excuses for anyone."

"Bullshit," Inuyasha said, sounding annoyed. "You do it all the time." He shot her a sideways glance. "You think you're the only one that can take responsibility for what happens and it pisses me off."

Something was eating at him, she could tell that much. Kagome's mouth thinned as she pressed her lips together and stared at him. "That's not fair, Inuyasha."

He stopped and turned to look at her, Shippou's arms still dangling comically over his chest. "Oh yeah?" he sneered. "Shippou acts like a brat, it's your fault. Kouga gets his ass beat for being a prick, your fault again. Sesshomaru thinks I'm dying and you want to save me, like I even deserve it."

She heard the bitterness in his voice and kept herself still with a monumental effort. It was obvious he'd been stewing over this, trying to work it out in his own mind. Ever since he'd heard the truth of what he'd done, he must have been trying to find some way to come to terms with it, to understand the past. She knew all about guilt and all about shame. But she'd forgiven him, hadn't she? Not for his sake, but for her own so that she wouldn't have to go back down that well and live with the way it had all turned out.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, reached for his arm again.

He jerked away, causing Shippou to slide dangerously to the side before Inuyasha grunted and boosted him back into place. "Haven't you figured it out yet?" he asked, unable to meet her eyes. "I don't want you to save me! I don't deserve to be forgiven!"

A light breeze ruffled her hair and she stood quite still. Ahead of them, Kohaku and Rin had stopped and were watching. She didn't know how much of the conversation they'd overheard, but there could be no doubt they were listening now.

_I don't want you to save me!_

"What's the matter?" Kagome asked abruptly, sensing something more in his words than he was willing to say. "You're acting strangely, like there's something you want to tell me and you're afraid…"

"Afraid?" Inuyasha snorted and shook his head, getting a sleepy mumble out of Shippou. "Why would I be afraid of anything, bitch? If that asshole over there tries anything when we get to his village, I can handle whatever they want to throw at me."

"That's not it," she murmured. Putting the pieces together, the things he'd been saying…it was like a giant puzzle. As soon as she thought she knew whom she was dealing with, Inuyasha changed the rules. They'd made love in the forest, grinding against each other's bodies with desperation and need. But then there was more and she knew it wasn't about sex for Inuyasha.

She must have been a blind fool to have not noticed.

Moving quickly, she seized his hand and turned it over in hers. Scorch marks still marred his palm, darkened spots where the flesh had been burned. Without a word, she moved his sleeve back and saw the marks like angry fire upon his skin. He didn't say a word as she gently touched the burns, but she heard him hiss when her fingers pressed against the injuries.

"Tessaiga did this?" she asked, surprised. He healed quickly, she thought, he had always healed so quickly. But these marks hadn't faded over the past few days and instead they still looked as raw and angry as if they'd been made only moments ago. She recalled that he'd looked like he was in pain when they'd left the wolf youkai pack, but since then she hadn't thought much about it since.

"Yeah," he muttered, looking anywhere but at her. "So what, the damn thing was pissed off."

"You're not healing," she said slowly. "Inuyasha…why?"

Stiffly, he pulled his hand away. "Doesn't…doesn't matter, Kagome. There's nothing you can do, so don't worry about it."

_I don't deserve to be forgiven!_

It hit her like a brick, a huge wall of stone that came tumbling down on her head. Inuyasha had used Tessaiga, the sword of his father, to save her. No other full demon had ever been able to even handle it; even Sesshomaru couldn't, not without suffering injuries from trying. And thinking on his brother, Kagome remembered what Rin had told her and shuddered, closing her eyes.

"You're not healing," she repeated, the pain like a knife in her belly. "Tessaiga hurt you and you're not healing. That's why you didn't want to come with Kohaku, that's why you've been shoving me away. Are…are you…"

"Dying?" Inuyasha glared at her for a long moment before dropping his eyes. "Most likely, yeah. Sesshomaru said he could never fully heal the damage done by the jewel. Tessaiga must have broken through Tenseiga's power."

At her shocked expression, Inuyasha's lips twisted in a bitter smile. "Don't look so worried," he said, trying to sound light and unconcerned. "I'll still do whatever I have to and get you back to where you belong. It's better this way, Kagome. You don't have to be confused about leaving. You can just go home and forget about me."

As if she could! Kagome grit her teeth, her hands clenched in helpless fists. "There has to be something we can do. I can't accept that you're just going to let yourself die!"

Grinning and suddenly easier, he reached out and touched her hair. She looked into his eyes and saw the shadows there, echoes of past sins and things he couldn't forgive. Finally, he dropped his hand and turned away with a heavy sigh.

"There's nothing that can be done," he said simply. "Nothing you or even Sesshomaru has the power to change. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't…" He paused and then shook his head. "I didn't want it to end like this, Kagome. I didn't want you to know because I want you to go back your life and be happy."

"And if I can't do that?" she whispered. "There's no way to tell if she can help me, or even if she's willing. Were you just going to fade away if that was the case? Leave and never even give me the chance to say goodbye?"

_I still love you_…

"Kagome? Is everything all right?"

Rin was calling to them and Kagome shivered, covering her face with a trembling hand. She was startled when Inuyasha grabbed her wrist, pulling her close for just a moment.

"Don't say a word about this to anyone," he said, low and urgent. "I don't want Rin to know, bad enough that she overheard Sesshomaru in the first place. It will just be harder if she knows it's going to be soon."

Resolutely, she pushed her hair out her eyes and forced herself to smile. It was a pretty weak attempt and he knew it. Under the smile, her heart was grieving and she felt sick.

She was going to lose him…all over again.

oOo

"They're staring at us," Rin whispered. The younger girl slipped her hand into the crook of Kagome's elbow, her fingers clutching at her sleeve. Kagome took that for a sign of how nervous Rin was, suddenly faced with the hostile stares of human beings. Of course she'd be scared, Kagome thought, trying to comfort her by placing her own hand over Rin's. After what had happened before, Rin might never be easy among her own kind again.

"Don't worry," she murmured, trying not to look at anyone's face as Kohaku led the way into the village. "No one is going to get hurt, Rin. I promise."

"Don't count on it," Inuyasha muttered, standing just behind them. He glowered around at the curious faces, some looked frightened, but many looked angry. Angry that youkai had come to this place where youkai shouldn't be.

"Then I promise as well," Kohaku said in a voice loud enough to be overheard. "You were invited here and I guarantee your safety." He cast a long look around, his gaze resting on a small group of men that were standing just ahead of them. "They understand that."

Kagome took a deep breath and squeezed Rin's hand again. "I trust you, Kohaku," she said quietly. She knew what they had to look like; herself dressed in the ragged garb of a priestess, in the company of two youkai and one young girl. She hoped that Kohaku knew what he was doing, the last thing they needed was to get involved in yet another confrontation.

It seemed that Kohaku was telling the truth, as they passed through the village, the people silently moved out of their way. She wondered about the respect they seemed to have for him, their young leader. But it wasn't just respect, she could tell that much. They looked to Kohaku with a desperation that was thinly veiled, as if his presence was the only thing keeping an unseen evil at bay.

"Kohaku!"

A young woman pushed her way towards them, her face glowing with a happy smile. She ran to Kohaku and threw herself into his arms, catching him off guard and nearly knocking him to the ground. Her laugh rang out, clearing the air of all the tension and worry. Kagome thought she could actually see the villagers relax as Kohaku embraced the woman, his hands going to bury themselves in her dark hair even as he kissed her deeply.

"That must be his wife," Rin murmured, her eyes twinkling as she watched the happy reunion. Kagome found she was grinning herself at the happiness Sango's tormented brother had found. Instinctively, she turned to look at Inuyasha, wondering if this display of affection might lighten even his grim expression. It would be so good to see him smile again, or to hear him laugh.

But he wasn't smiling; instead his brow was creased in a perplexed frown. Meeting her confused gaze, his expression hardened once again.

"What's the matter?" she asked, soft and urgent.

He shook his head. "That girl," he muttered. "She's…her scent…"

"I'd like to introduce you to my wife," Kohaku said, his voice making her turn as he approached them, his arm still around the shoulders of his very pregnant wife. Her heart-shaped face was flushed and her large eyes, an unusual shade of pale violet, were shining as she looked up at her husband. Kagome couldn't help but think she'd seen her somewhere before when the girl suddenly gave a startled cry.

"Inuyasha?" she asked, surprised. She left Kohaku's side to stare up at Inuyasha's face, her eyes wide and wondering. Then she laughed again, delighted. "It is you! You look just the same, but don't you remember me?"

"No," he said, staring at the ground. "I don't know you at all."

His denial didn't seem to bother her; she still seemed just as pleased. Kohaku's wife hadn't stopped smiling. "Of course not," she said, turning to look over her shoulder at her husband. "I was just a little girl the last time he saw me," she explained. "But I've never forgotten that he saved my life."

A little girl? From years ago, but now grown? If Inuyasha had saved her life, that would mean that…

Kagome sucked in her breath with a hiss. "I know you," she whispered, shock making her voice weak. "You…your name is Shiori."

The girl beamed at her. "Kagome? You remember me?"

Kagome stared at her. She could see it now, the pretty little girl that had become a striking young woman. Only her hair was different, dark instead of bright silver. Blinking, Kagome shook her head and let out a weak laugh. Talk about the last person from her past that she'd ever expected to see. And here in a village of youkai exterminators…

And she was Kohaku's wife? Kagome's eyes were drawn to Shiori's round belly and her mouth became a dry desert. Here in a village of youkai exterminators, murderers according to Kouga and Inuyasha, they slaughtered demons with no cause or mercy. Brutal killers…

"But you're a half-demon," she whispered, the words falling from her lips like tears.

Kohaku stiffened and glanced around, making sure that no one had overheard her. "I think," he said slowly, "we should go inside. We need to talk."

oOo

She was starting to feel a bit queasy and tried not to let it show. Her nerves twitched like ants were running over her skin and Kagome wrapped her arms around her knees as she faced Kohaku and Shiori.

"The other people here, they don't know about you?"

Kohaku's hand tightened on his wife's arm until Shiori looked at him anxiously. "I'd like to keep it that way."

"I don't understand," Rin said, looking from Kohaku, to Inuyasha, and back to Kagome as if answers would have to come from her. "What is so terrible?"

"She's a hanyou," Inuyasha murmured, his eyes not moving from Shiori's face. "If these bastards find out, they'll kill her."

"That's not true," Shiori burst out, squeezing Kohaku's hand. "It's just that they wouldn't understand. This is my home; these people are like my family. Kohaku, tell them!"

He didn't answer for a long moment, and then Kohaku's head drooped forward. "I used to think that, Shiori," he said in the hollow tone of a man who had forgotten how to hope. "Now I'm not so sure. They were ready to murder Shippou and Inuyasha, even Kaede couldn't have stopped them."

Shiori looked troubled, putting her hand over her belly as she contemplated his words. Then she raised her face and looked defiantly at the visitors in her home. "Then they won't find out. I'll just keep dying my hair like I always have…"

"The baby," Kagome murmured.

Silence fell again, an uncomfortable silence that hung in the air and clung to the skin like the smell of fresh tar. If Shiori's baby, three quarters human but nonetheless of demon heritage, were born with that heritage in evidence…there was no telling what would happen.

"What were you thinking, trying to hide it?" Kagome said softly. Inuyasha snorted and shifted where he stood against the wall. His expression was grim as the grave, solemn, but he kept silent and waited for Kohaku's answer. Rin kept biting her lips, glancing over at Shippou as if by watching over him, she could prevent anything terrible from being said or done.

"Maybe if you told them now," Rin said, her light voice breaking into the tension like a delicate thread of hope. "Maybe then they wouldn't feel like they had been betrayed."

"I can't do that," Kohaku said, lacing his fingers with Shiori's. "We'd have to leave the village. Some of these people have been so badly hurt…you saw the way they looked at you and Kagome. Even if they didn't want to kill Shiori outright, they'd want her to leave."

"So leave," Rin whispered. "What's…what's so important that you have to stay? If they can't accept what Shiori is, then why would you…"

"Because I still have to lead my men," Kohaku said sharply, glaring at Rin as if she'd defied his order. "They can't do it on their own, they weren't raised as exterminators. They're farmers and…"

"You stupid son of a bitch," Inuyasha said, his voice a bitter lash. Kagome was startled to see the anger glowing in his eyes like coals in a fire. "You'd risk the lives of your wife and child by staying here?"

Kohaku's face was like stone, cold and hard. "It's none of your business."

"The hell it's not!" Inuyasha stalked over to glare down at the young exterminator. He knelt until his face was only inches from Kohaku's. "You know what they'll do if they find out she's a hanyou. Is that what you want for her? For your child?"

Jaw clenched belligerently, Kohaku stared up at him without a trace of fear. "Stay out of this, demon," he said, the scars on his face darkening. "You haven't got the right to decide what I do with my own family!"

"Yeah?" Inuyasha's expression had become a grim threat. "Suppose I say I do. I was born a hanyou, you little punk. I know exactly how humans deal with half-breed children. Even if they don't kill her outright, they'll make her life a living hell. No way in hell I'm going to stand by and let that happen."

Glowering, Kohaku met his fury head on. "Is that a threat?"

"You bet your ass," Inuyasha hissed. "I'll take her out of this village myself if I have to. Gonna stop me, brat?"

Kohaku surged forward; ready to attack the furious inuyoukai with his bare hands. Inuyasha tensed, but Shiori caught her husband's arm, holding him back. Kagome was already on her feet, trying to drag Inuyasha away to put some space between him and Kohaku. She couldn't believe how angry he was, or how no one else could hear the pain under that anger.

"If you touch my wife," Kohaku snarled, gripping Shiori like he was afraid that Inuyasha might tear her away right then. "If you touch my wife, I'll make you pay!"

"Then protect her yourself!" Inuyasha shouted, his voice loud enough that it echoed off the wooden walls. "Killing every demon in the world isn't going to save her. Is your revenge worth her life?"

"It's not about revenge!"

Inuyasha's lip curled with contempt. "So you just love killing that much? Or you're too damn scared to do anything else? I know what a man looks like when he's afraid of the dark, Kohaku. And I've seen you staring at every shadow like you've already seen your own death!"

Kohaku's face suddenly went deathly pale and Kagome felt as though a chill had entered the room. It replaced the fury and pain, stealing around their legs like a winter wind charged with ice. Inuyasha was still breathing hard from his unexpected and emotional outburst, but right now she was thinking hard on his words.

Kohaku was afraid. The men of the village were also afraid. She'd seen it in their eyes, the wary way they moved. Something was riding these people, something so awful and so huge that Kohaku would even risk the lives of his wife and unborn child to stay and fight it. Dread moved through her body and she shook herself, keeping one hand tight on Inuyasha's red sleeve.

"I think we should all calm down," she said, the strain making her voice quiver.

"Fuck." Inuyasha shook off her hand and stalked to the door. "I can't stand here and watch him piss away what's he's got," he muttered, his tone dark with memory. "If he wants to be a fool, let him."

She was aching with Inuyasha's pain, feeling his torn emotions as keenly as her own. For a long moment, Kagome remembered how it had once been, before the jewel had changed him. Like now, she'd been able to feel his hurts like a saw against her nerves and been driven to comfort him.

_Once upon a time, a girl fell in love_…

Kagome closed her eyes, aware that the fear inside her heart was still growing. Rin sat silent as mouse, tears standing in her eyes. In the corner of the small room, Shippou stirred in his sleep, mumbling while his limbs twitched in time to the fearful jerks of her heart. She blinked, caught her breath.

_Oh no_…

"I won't go," Shiori said suddenly, pressing her face against Kohaku's shoulder. "Even if Inuyasha tried to make me leave, I wouldn't go. We're…we're together in this Kohaku. Just like we agreed."

"He's right," Kohaku answered in a dull, leaden voice. "I should send you away, somewhere safer. The more we fight, the more we kill, the worse it gets. I can't run away from it, Shiori. But I should make you safe if I can."

"Kohaku," Kagome whispered. The ache in her heart wouldn't face, it was tightening around her and pain had lodged like a spike in her chest. "Kohaku, what are you afraid of?"

She saw him flinch before he turned his face away, staring at Shiori's fingers where they held his own. "Nothing. Inuyasha doesn't know what he's talking about, the bastard."

Kagome ground her teeth together. "That's not good enough," she spat. "You brought us here, so tell me the truth."

_What are you afraid of!_

Suddenly the mat that covered the doorway was swept aside as a young man rushed into the room without even knocking. Kohaku scowled at him. "Goru, I told you to stay outside and…"

"I'm sorry, Kohaku," the boy gasped out, sweat beading his forehead. "It's come back again, and it's really strong this time!"

"Shit!" Kohaku didn't waste time, grabbing the boy by the arm and running for the door. "Get Natsu, tell him to wake the men off-duty! I want everyone armed and on their feet. Tell the women to stay inside, we'll fight them off but it could get messy if they're this close."

Kagome ran after him, Shiori and Rin at her heels. "Kagome, no!" Shiori cried out, trying to catch her sleeve. "We have to stay inside, it's dangerous!"

"What's dangerous?" Kagome demanded, coming to a stop and nearly toppling over as Rin ran into her. She turned and steadied the girl, gripping Shiori with her other hand. "Tell me what's going on!"

Then she felt it like a blow. The presence was overwhelming, coming down from the darkened sky and nearly crushing her. Pain, so much grief…she staggered and Rin caught her, supporting her weight as Shiori urged them both back to the hut. This time the aura of grief felt like she could touch it; mold it in her hands like clay. Kagome's head swam and she fought the sudden nausea with everything she had.

"Damn it, they've broken through the barriers!"

"Get the women inside! You men, follow Kohaku! We can't let them in the village!"

She could hear the desperation in the men's voices, the panic as they seized weapons and armor. Shouting orders to each other, swords and spears clattering, it was chaotic, but all Kagome could feel was the bone-deep terror and heart-wrenching grief. Above their heads darkness was gathering that blotted out the stars. Heavy and poisonous as a miasma, it shrouded the sky and she could hear the terrified livestock baying like the cries of fallen souls.

_Souls_…

Kagome gasped, wrenching her arms away from Shiori and Rin. That was it, the sadness she'd been sensing since the first time she'd encountered the presence. She and Shippou had been driven to their knees by it then, and again later. It only made sense now that she thought about it. She'd tried to tell Inuyasha before, but she'd let herself be distracted by her own emotions and needs.

"It's a human soul trapped among the souls of demons," she whispered.

Shiori drew a soft, surprised breath. "You've felt it before?" she asked wonderingly. "Kohaku told me too, but I didn't know…"

"It's been following him," Kagome murmured. Damned right it had, just like it had been reaching out to her…to Inuyasha…to anyone who'd been connected to the vanished Shikon no Tama.

"That soul," she said, pointing at the sky. "That soul is Midoriko, the priestess who created the jewel by trapping the souls of demons within her own."

"Who?" Shiori looked baffled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She stared. "Kohaku never told you?"

The young woman shook her head and Kagome groaned, covering her face. Of course not, why would Kohaku burden his wife with what had been the most horrible experience of his life? Or maybe he just didn't want to remember, she'd seen his face clench in pain whenever they spoke of the past. He'd made a different life for himself and tried to leave the old one behind.

She knew all too well that the past wouldn't lie quietly. It had a way of sneaking up behind you to put icy hands around your throat. Kagome thought she'd buried her past, her feelings, and her grief. But Kohaku hadn't even had that option, everything he was and everything he'd been kept sliding back into the present. No matter how many he killed, or what he'd protected, he couldn't escape.

No more than she could.

"I have to go find Inuyasha," Kagome said, grim and determined. She searched the ground frantically, knowing she'd better not go out there bare handed. The village was almost deserted now, the women and children in hiding, their men out battling a horde of god only knew how many hungry demons. Just as before, they'd been drawn by the power of the jewel. That the jewel no longer existed in physical terms, but only in the damage it had done, was irrelevant.

Spying a discarded bow, her lips curved in what could have been a smile.

"Kagome, what are you doing?"

"What I can," she murmured, gathering arrows from where they'd spilled on the ground. It was pity she had nothing to carry them with and bundled a few together with the frayed ribbon from her hair.

Like it or not, she had the power of priestess…if not the heart of one. For all she'd shoved that part of her behind her, tried to strangle it in the darkness of power and self-loathing…she still owned it. Kohaku needed someone on his side who could purify a host of demons. And she needed, yes, needed! to fight beside Inuyasha. Only she could keep him safe. Only she could keep him from letting himself be sacrificed. She knew what she'd seen in his face earlier.

It was the face of man who no longer fears death, but does not long for it. A man who would be ready to die if meant sacrificing himself to protect something he cared about. Something he could protect.

Kagome bared her teeth, not realizing that she'd adopted Inuyasha's fighting smile. The hell she'd let him get himself killed! Not tonight and not ever.

She still had things to say to him. Needed to say to him. Before it was too late and she'd never have the chance again. She needed to tell him about the baby, she couldn't bear it if he died without knowing. If she'd had any reason for surviving, for enduring the pain of loss and the grief of a love betrayed…this was it. She wanted him to know that she would have kept his baby.

She wanted him to know that she'd never stopped loving him!


	32. ThirtyTwo

**_Possession 32_**

Kagome Higurashi had been born to be a cheerful and kind natured girl. Even as a child in primary school, the other children were drawn to her. Her friendly personality put everyone at ease and even teachers found that they smiled more often when they were in her presence. Not so popular as to cause envy, never unpopular at all, she easily won over everyone she met simply by being herself.

It might have been her willingness to listen, or her helpfulness, or even her sweet and pleasant sense of humor. There was just something about her that was so very good and so very right that a few moments with her felt like warm sunshine. She encouraged those who needed to try harder and cheered on those who were successful, all the time unaware that there was anything out of the ordinary about her at all.

She was wonderfully ordinary and would have blushed had anyone ever said otherwise.

That didn't mean that she was perfect, for ordinary is as far from perfect as the sea is from the moon. She argued with her little brother, daydreamed when she should have been studying, worried over her grades and even grumbled about doing her chores.

Perfectly ordinary, deliciously ordinary…until the day she was dragged through time and found out that everything normal and ordinary about her life was about to be flipped upside down. No, make that twisted and folded, turned inside out as if her existence was no more substantial that that of an origami crane.

Being human and easily shredded, the last thing she'd ever wanted to do was become the heroine in a fairy tale.

And then upon finding out that there were no happy endings, no ever after, and no ride into sunset with a handsome prince…it absolutely was ordinary that she should feel bitter.

Cheated.

Betrayed.

Her prince had transformed into a monster at the touch of her lips. The happy ending had become days filled with anxiety and fear. The nights twisted her, wracking her body with a lust that she could hardly understand until she was exhausted and left aching on the floor. Every time he touched her, she felt a little bit of the ordinary inside her die. And a dark bloom, like a bruise, then appeared upon the vine.

But somehow she'd found the strength inside her to keep going, and the fortitude to rebuild her shattered self. Under the pressure of five hundred years, and dead memories so heavy each one still felt like a blow, she'd become strong once again.

Or, more accurately, the shell around her had become strong. Kagome herself had _hardened_, become brittle as ice rather than wearing away. It had cost her a lot, much more than she could have guessed. Her shell was diamond-hard, glittering and guarded, but inside she was bruised, sore, and still bleeding…

Until there was nothing left of that ordinary girl, and no one left to cry for her.

oOo

Kagome bit her lip, stumbling over a tree root and catching herself, the rough bark like slivers in her palm. Once she'd stepped away from the protected village, the darkness had overwhelmed her. No moon or even stars to guide her steps, all light had been blotted out by the malevolent presence that covered the forest like an evil fog.

It had seemed like a fine, brave idea to go racing into the night after Inuyasha. But now, alone, she felt the fear creeping up her back with cold fingers. She couldn't even see her hand in front of her face, how was she going to find him now? Her teeth clicked together in time to the pounding of her heart and her hand holding the bow was slick with sweat.

She was going to die out here. Die alone and helpless, curled up in a ball as some unseen beast _devoured_ her…

Kagome took a deep breath and shook her head. "Stop it," she muttered, forcing herself to concentrate. She didn't have time to be afraid or to wail silently to herself about being a fool.

This terror…it wasn't hers.

She took another breath and willed herself to be calm, focused. Almost instantly, the terror eased, slipping from her skin like an oily mist. There now, it was getting a little easier to see. Kagome licked her dry lips and kept moving, ignoring the scratches and snags as she pushed her way through the brush. This forest…it was no darker than any other forest at night. There might be monsters lurking out there somewhere, but she trusted fate would keep her safe.

The mist lifted and she suddenly found herself stumbling into a clearing. There was still a haze in the air, shifting and curling around her knees and making each step treacherous. The horror-grief-sadness that had been so thick in the forest was lighter here and Kagome scowled at the trees, wondering which way to go next.

Then the darkness overhead parted and moonlight spilled over the clearing. The haze around her legs seemed to fill with radiance, a glittering mass that was guiding her steps. Befuddled and growing steadily more anxious, she decided that she had nothing to lose by following the mist.

_Nothing to lose by falling down a well_…

She shuddered, feeling the moonlight trace her skin like ice, like the breath of a ghost. But she kept going, shaking off those ghosts until they fell behind her, disappearing with her footsteps until she felt naked, somewhere between worlds, a woman cast off and searching.

_Inuyasha!_

Kagome stopped, realizing that she might keep walking forever and never find him. Since he'd stormed away from Kohaku and Shiori, she'd felt like something was wrong, something was so very wrong it hurt to think about. She didn't have the words to explain to Rin or Shiori, but she hadn't felt like this since…

Closing her eyes, she could almost feel those vines twisting around her ankles again. Helpless and mute, unable to reach him as Kikyou coaxed him into the abyss while she could do nothing but watch. Somehow, her heart had reached him then. She'd made him wake, she'd drawn him back because he wouldn't forget her, wouldn't leave her, would not let her go…

Breath misting just beyond her lips as if the very air had become drenched with her anxiety, Kagome stood very still. Only a few feet away from her was a mass of jyaki that wriggled and writhed obscenely. Her lips trembled, wanting to scream, wanting to bolt away from the malformed and throbbing mess of serpentine bodies with thick tails and bloated, stinking flesh.

All bulbous eyes and slashing teeth, they didn't seem to be aware of her presence. And that was a good thing, her soft flesh would be a tasty meal and she wasn't sure that she could even purify something this corrupt. Naraku had often used the sacred jewel to set monsters against them, but Kagome thought that his imagination must have failed him…for she'd never seen something quite so visceral and sickening before.

She had to breathe or she might faint, might fall to the ground and they'd find her then. Slow and careful, she lifted her right foot and took a step back. Kagome swallowed with a dry throat as the mass shifted again, slippery and sliding as something deep inside rolled over, crimson against the putrid darkness of decaying flesh.

Kagome choked, a small whine of horror escaping her lips as she recognized it…Inuyasha's haori. She started to shake, tiny tremors grew until her body was aching, trying to control her need to rush in there, heedless of the danger, and make sure this wasn't just another nightmare.

She'd had many nightmares, but she was all too certain this time that she was awake, that she was really seeing this. The fire-rat fur was tough, fireproof, and better than poor armor as he'd told her long ago. She watched as long black teeth gnawed at the fabric and suddenly felt anger boiling over inside her belly.

"Bastards," she whispered, planting her feet as she drew the bow forward. Her fingers might shake, but she could hardly miss her target from this range. They'd be all over her in a moment; she had to do as much damage as she could. If they weren't all destroyed, purified straight to hell, she wouldn't have time for a second arrow before they sank their teeth into her body.

One arrow…it was the only revenge she might have.

Their eyes turned towards her as she drew the string taut, and her teeth bared into a rictus smile. Kagome was prepared to end this nightmare…for once on her own terms.

A blur of white came crashing from the dark edge of the forest and Kagome caught herself before firing. Inuyasha was moving so fast he was like a flare against the dim background of night. His hair glittered like it was made from moonlight itself and his long-sleeved undershirt was so white against his hakama that they almost looked black.

She raised her bow again, sighting instead at the far edge of the mass. Her arrow was a streak of pale fire itself, hitting the ground beneath the enraged horde. Inuyasha was cursing softly under his breath, ignoring her completely as he tore into the wriggling monsters. The purification of her arrow spread out, flaring brightly for just a moment and then Inuyasha was glaring at scattered bodies as if he were only angry that she'd left him nothing else to kill.

Kagome was so relieved to see him, alive and unharmed, that she was actually struck silent and could only beam at him when he turned his angry glare in her direction.

"I said you were crazy before," he said, almost muttering to himself. "Why the hell did you leave the village, don't you have any…umph!"

She threw herself at him before he could finish the sentence, kissing him as hard as she could, bruising her own lips against his violently as if to prove that he was really safe.

Inuyasha stood still for a moment, and then caught her body against his as if he'd been starving for a taste of her. He sucked at her lips hungrily and nibbled on the tip of her tongue. Kagome let herself fall into him, her arms around the back of his neck and his hands in her hair. His palm held the back of her head tenderly, bending her over his arm and literally sweeping her feet from the ground.

She felt for a moment like that princess in the old fairy tale, or the cover of one of those romance novels that she'd scorned and secretly envied in a lifetime so long ago. Kagome wanted to kiss him from the bottom of her heart, she wanted him to feel everything she wasn't able to say, to express. For once, she was willing to defy the shattered edges of her heart, the bitter frost that didn't want to let her free of the past.

Just for now, she was kissing Inuyasha…because she needed to love him more than she needed anything else.

Their lips parted and Kagome opened her eyes, meeting his tender, befuddled expression. Her fingers stroked the hair away from his cheek and then wandered up to tweak his ear almost playfully.

"You scared me half to death," she said, her voice light and easy. "I thought I'd lost you when I saw your haori."

He licked his lips as if sealing her taste away in his memory and then carefully put her feet under her, still holding her close. "Is that why you kissed me?" he asked softly. "You thought I was dead?"

The confusion in his tone made her smile. "No," she whispered, curling a lock of hair around her finger. "Because you were still alive."

He didn't smile. "You could have been hurt," he said, slowly stiffening as he pulled away. "You should have stayed away, Kagome. You should have stayed where you were safe."

Kagome fisted her hands in his shirt, bowing her head until it rested against his chest. "Safe?" she asked, hearing the words fall like tears while she'd never felt less like crying. "You think I could stand losing you now?"

"Kagome…"

"No," she said, shoving him away so she could look into his face. "It doesn't matter, Inuyasha. I'm not going to do this again, I'm not going to stand by and watch you die, and I'm not going to pretend it means nothing. Don't you understand? I know why I'm here."

His expression shifted, he looked almost afraid, like the words wanted to come from his lips, but he was too afraid to hear them hang in the air, fading away like smoke while the burn of them was too intense.

She didn't make him say it. "I'm here because of you," she said, letting the simple fact sink into them both. "I came for you. And I refuse to let you leave me behind or push me away."

Inuyasha wouldn't look at her, his head down until she couldn't see his face, only a veil of white hair and ears that twitched to show his agitation. "But I hurt you," he muttered. "I hurt you so much, it could have killed you. I…"

He looked up, caught her like a fly in his amber gaze. "I would have killed you," he whispered. "If you hadn't run away when you did."

Kagome couldn't breathe; her heart was pounding against her ribs. A nameless fear swept through her body like a fell wind, left her shivering with its chill. In her mind, a dark chasm opened and for a long moment, she couldn't think beyond the realization of what his words meant.

"Inuyasha," she said, stumbling a bit as she tried to find a place to fit all that fear inside her. "You…remember?"

A heartbeat, an eternity later, he answered. "Yeah," he said, his shoulders shaking a bit. "Not everything, not much really. Just pieces here and there, of you mostly…of us. When I…oh gods, Kagome."

He turned away, brushing at her hands as if the touch of her mortified him. She watched as Inuyasha shuddered, his expression sick as he covered his face with his hands. He rubbed at his face, trying to scrub away the memories, but when he was finally able to meet her eyes again…she saw vast darkness and an abiding disgust at what he'd done.

"You tell me not to die," he said, his voice as rough as if he'd swallowed gravel. "How the hell can I live with what I did to you?"

Kagome stared at him, her lips trembling with the very love and grief she'd had to bury for so long. "You can live with it," she said, taking his hands in her own. "I did. I lived with it every day after I left. And I still came back to you."

She laced her fingers with his, looking down at their hands. Hers small and grubby, scratched with the last few weeks of unfamiliar hardship. His were large and warm, calloused and strong and sharp like Inuyasha himself. She smiled to herself, caressing his palms between hers and soothing away his distress as if she were only his confessor, not the woman who had loved him from the start.

"I had to forget myself to live without you," she said. "You had to forget me to survive. Maybe…maybe that's how it was supposed to be from the beginning. Just once, Inuyasha…can't you believe in me?"

His expression softened, became tender as he cupped her fingers, holding them as if he intended to treasure her touch like a miser would treasure gold. "I don't understand why you'd forgive me," he admitted. "I remember doing things to you, making you cry, making you plead. I remember…enjoying it, hurting you."

Inuyasha's voice dropped and he moved closer, pressing his face to her hair. "I remember wanting you so much it made me crazy. Just like it does now."

Her pulse quickened and Kagome felt her entire body flush when his breath touched her ear. He hesitated for a moment and then leaned in to kiss the skin just below her ear, tracing the curve of her jaw with a feather-light touch. She felt liquid heat like a pool in her belly and she trembled a bit as Inuyasha ran the tip of his tongue across her shoulder and kissed her, grazing her skin with his teeth.

Kagome gasped, surprised when he groaned softly and bit down, just barely breaking the skin and her hands immediately tightened on his arms. Inuyasha stopped immediately, pulling away to stare into her eyes.

His face was worried and tense and as the sweet fog of desire slowly lifted between them, he licked his lips and dropped his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, so quietly that should hardly hear him. "I didn't mean…did I hurt you?"

The concern in his voice made her smile and she reached out to touch his face. She'd never seen that look before…shy, but worried, and behind the concern, an edged lust that wanted her so badly she wondered if she'd catch fire just from him looking at her.

"It's okay," she said, stroking hands over his face, dropping down to caress the hard muscles of his shoulders. "I'm not afraid of you, Inuyasha. I'm not that scared girl anymore…I know what I want."

He grinned and she saw his eyes sparkle a bit. "Are you sure?" he said, his hands suddenly confident as he pulled her close. His lips hovered over hers, his expression open and gentle as he looked at her so seriously. Something inside him had changed, she wasn't sure how. Kagome hardly dared to question it, but somewhere deep inside her body, deep down in the depths of her soul, she knew this was the real Inuyasha.

Not the angry boy she'd loved, not the demon she'd feared, not the twisted wreck that had somehow survived, and not the man that she'd met only a few short weeks before. He was all of these things, and Kagome felt herself open to him as if she'd been waiting all these years just to say the words.

"I love you," she whispered, holding his face against her throat as he kissed her again. "I've always loved you, Inuyasha!"

He raised his face slowly, meeting her eyes with a flushed smile. Then his expression darkened and something in his stance chilled her. Inuyasha growled and suddenly spun them around, shoving her behind him as he glared at the dark forest.

"I know you're there," he snarled, his mouth twisting around the words as he kept his body between Kagome and the unseen threat. "You think I can't smell you, bastard? Show your face!"

Kagome held her breath, squinting at the darkness as if to will something to appear. The hair was standing up on the back of her neck and she could feel tension radiating from Inuyasha like a threat. The muscles of his back were hard as stone and she clenched her fingers in the white fabric of his shirt.

"What is it?" she murmured, "who is out there?"

There was a crashing sound and someone stumbled from the trees. Kagome exhaled in relief when she saw it was only a man and then choked on her own breath as moonlight caught his bloated face.

"Oh my god," she said, looking away for fear she'd be sick.

Inuyasha's hand felt for hers and she clung to him as she looked again, forcing herself to stare at the poor wretch. He was human, and looked like he'd only been dead for a few days. His skin hung on his frame like old laundry except it was moving. Rippling actually, like small beasts were rooting frantically beneath the dull flesh. She could see his eyes roll back in his head as he staggered, barely able to move. His fingers had already gone black, rotting and his mouth worked soundlessly as if he were screaming…only no one would ever hear him.

"Shit," she heard Inuyasha mutter. "What the fuck happened to it?"

A memory surfaced and Kagome recalled the demon that had nearly killed her when Tessaiga had struck Inuyasha unconscious. That man had been dead longer, she thought, and had nearly been rotting to pieces before her eyes. His skin had looked stiff and waxen, putrid and the color of old clay. This man…

"He's possessed by a demon," she said, clutching Inuyasha's arm. "He's already dead, but something is inside him, riding him."

"More than one," Inuyasha said calmly, his nose twitching. "I'd say there's a few inside, trying to figure out how to work the body."

She jumped a bit when the possessed corpse lurched forward and clawed at its own chest. Kagome watched with morbid fascination as the monsters inside the body struggled…trying to communicate.

"Hurts," it said, wincing and its voice sounded congested. "Body hurts, sick…rotten."

"What do you want?" Inuyasha growled, still pushing Kagome back as they edged away from the thing. "Why are you here?"

"Told us," it said thickly, slurring now and tried to focus bloodshot eyes. "Told us to find…to find…"

Inuyasha cursed under his breath. "You can't have her," he bit out angrily.

"Not her…not the woman."

Inuyasha bared his teeth and growled so hard that Kagome cringed away from him. "Yeah?" he said, sounding eager now. "You after me? You want a taste of what I gave those slimy bastards a minute ago? Come and get me!"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome grabbed his arm and pulled hard. "Let's go! It's slow, it's not going to chase us…there's no point…"

"Fuck that," he hissed and pushed her back so hard she nearly fell. "I threw my haori at the other ones because I knew they were tracking me. Thought maybe it was you they wanted, might have smelled you on me or something…"

"So what?" she said, her voice sounding weak and lost even to herself. "So what if you…" Kagome stopped when the wretched monster groaned loudly and stumbled and fell, crouching on the ground as spasms wracked its body.

"Hurts," it repeated. "Need stronger bones, flesh too weak…he said…better…"

"Who said?" Kagome asked as Inuyasha stared at the corpse in bewilderment. "Someone told you to come after Inuyasha?"

"Yesss…" The voice was hardly more than a moan, but the creature looked up at her pleadingly. "Said to bring the dog, the white-haired youkai, to stop the pain. We hurt…we hurt all the time."

Kagome shuddered as the thing started to crawl towards them. "Please," it whispered. "You…priestess…help us!"

"I don't know how," she said, her heart aching for anything so miserable. The man that had once owned that body had probably been murdered by the very demons that were begging her for help. He must have been a farmer, or someone from a nearby village, she thought. His features, twisted in pain and bloated with bile, looked almost familiar.

"Oh god," she said, suddenly about to be sick on the ground. The world was spinning and she leaned against Inuyasha before he pulled her back a few more feet. "Inuyasha, I've seen him before. He was at Kaede's village, he was one of the men that were with their families!"

Inuyasha didn't answer her, still glaring at the pathetic monster. "Tell me who sent you after me," he said, his voice hard. "Who told you to kill that man and take his body? Who told you to attack the village, were you coming after me back then? Why take a human body, what happened to your own bodies?"

It howled then, confused or in so much pain it couldn't answer. Kagome felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Kaede…her villagers…how many of them were dead? How many of them had been used as hosts for agonized demons that were driven insane by pain and torn from their own flesh?

"Tell me!" Inuyasha's eyes were feverish. "You're after me, right? Someone sent you to kill me, I want to know why!"

"Not kill." Slowly, painfully, it pulled itself up until it was kneeling like a human man asking for a blessing. The decaying hands reached towards Inuyasha in pitiful supplication. "Not kill…not kill. To join with us…like before…inside the…"

Inuyasha shouted and grabbed Kagome, who shrieked when the pathetic creature's head was suddenly torn from its body. The sickle-blade cut the air with deadly precision and sliced the corpse's throat apart with a sickening sound.

Kagome was still shaking, more from surprise than actual fear, when Kohaku appeared out of the darkness like a ghost. Tension filled the small clearing, almost visible in the pale moonlight that gleamed off Inuyasha's hair and Kohaku's blade. They confronted each other from across the small clearing and the night was filled with a menacing silence.

"Why did you do that?" Kagome whispered, staring at Kohaku.

He didn't look at her, keeping his gaze on Inuyasha. "They jump from body to body," he said quietly. "It was stalling, trying to get enough time to attack."

"Bullshit." Inuyasha was smiling, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was the baring of teeth and his eyes were blazing with fury. "It was about to tell us something. Like who the fuck sent it after me!"

Kohaku didn't flinch. "It was lying. I've seen them do it before. The fresher the body, the more likely it will lie and try to get your guard down."

"And just how long were you listening, exterminator boy?" Inuyasha didn't bother to hide his contempt, still angry about earlier. "Why did you let it keep talking if it was only going to lie? Or did you just step in when it started to say something you didn't want me to hear?"

"Are you accusing me of something?" Kohaku answered in a soft voice. "Why don't you say what you mean instead of blustering uselessly?"

Inuyasha growled low in his throat and Kagome grabbed his hand, reminding him that she was still there, still on his side. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her hair away from her eyes. "That man was from Kaede's village," she said, watching Kohaku's face. "He's been dead a few days…does that mean they were attacked?"

"Yes." Kohaku's expression didn't change, but he looked at her soberly. "It was right after you left them. We just found out tonight."

A frown creased her forehead and she felt Inuyasha's fingers twitch against hers. Kohaku's tone was dead, completely void of emotion. She'd seen how dedicated to his people he was, how they responded to him with unquestioning loyalty. This cold young man, so angry and lost, she wanted to grieve for him and the life he'd chosen. His only happiness was Shiori, and the woman he loved would be reviled if his people only knew that her heritage, and their baby's heritage, was that of a youkai who had fallen in love with a mortal girl.

"Is Kaede-sama…" she began, steeling herself against the answer and the heartbreak that was sure to follow.

Kohaku flinched and suddenly looked human again, not a strange young man made of stone. "She's fine," he said, and his voice relaxed a bit. "They were able to get away, most of them anyway. A few of the men stayed behind to fight, try to give them a head start. You see what happened to them."

Horrified, she leaned hard against Inuyasha until he slipped his arm around her back. "How many ended up like that?" she asked, sickened. "How many had to…"

"You see why I had to kill it," he returned, his voice soft as he finally met her eyes. "Kagome…I can't just let this keep happening. I'll do anything, risk my life, even risk Shiori and my baby being found out, to stop this kind of evil. My…my sister, my father…would have expected it."

"We should get back then," Inuyasha muttered, looking away from Kohaku as if he didn't trust himself not to say what was really on his mind. "You've got to be worried about her."

"I am," Kohaku said slowly. "Which is why I can't let you come with me, Inuyasha. That thing was after you. As long as you're there, you're putting everyone at risk. I will take Kagome with me, back to the village where it's safe and we can protect her."

"The hell," Inuyasha said angrily. "You think I'd trust to you protect her?"

"She'll be safe there," Kohaku snapped back. "It's not her they're after!"

Kagome folded her arms and glared at them both. "Enough," she said in a hard voice that had both men staring at her. "I decide where I go and I am going to stay with Inuyasha. I won't leave his side again!"

She held them both still with the force of her gaze and the low, firm tone of her voice. She meant it too, no one would decide where she should go, for her own safety or not. It had been a long time since anyone had expected her to obey passively and two angry, upset men, both intent on protecting what was important to them, were not going to fight over her decision.

Inuyasha's expression relaxed and he gave soft, surprised laugh. "I guess that settles it," he said, grinning at Kohaku. "You try to make her go, I dare you."

Sango's brother looked troubled, glancing up to search the sky. "You have to stay under cover," he muttered. "Don't go out in the open, not now."

"That presence," Kagome said softly, catching Kohaku's attention. "It's been tracking you as well." At his startled expression, she cleared her throat and continued. "Kohaku, do you know what she wants?"

He spun around, his expression naked and fearful. Kagome saw the sweat on Kohaku's forehead, the way his skin had gone white. Even the scars on his cheek seemed bloodless and she thought he looked like she had just called to him from a grave. Her brows knit together in a frown and she reached out a hand without thinking.

"It's okay," she said, trying to soothe him. "Shiori told me that you know what it is. It took me some time to recognize it, but I think somehow…"

She stopped. Kohaku looked absolutely terrified, out of his mind with fear. Inuyasha stood quietly behind her, just watching them both and for once, keeping silent on his thoughts. He cleared his throat when Kohaku made no move to answer her, only stood frozen, blank terror reflected in his uninjured eye, while the other remained hidden, shrouded in secrets that she knew were better off unrevealed.

"It's Midoriko," she said, knowing that Kohaku, as Sango's brother, would know how the jewel had been formed. She herself could remember that day, so long ago, when they looked upon the stone face of a long-dead woman, and the battle that had formed a jewel called both sacred and cursed.

Kohaku blinked. "Midoriko," he murmured, color seeping back into his skin. "I never thought…you really think it could be her?"

"Yes," Kagome said firmly. "Don't you see, it make sense when you think about it. Midoriko's soul was trapped inside the jewel, just like the demons' souls. Now that the jewel is gone, they've been freed, but they can't rest peacefully. Perhaps that is why they are following you, following me, and following Inuyasha. Anyone who had contact with the jewel…they need our help."

Now that she'd said it, Kagome wasn't sure what she should do. Hoping to get some kind of affirmation, she turned to Inuyasha. His expression was troubled and he slowly lifted his gaze to hers.

"You think they need help?" he asked quietly. "Maybe they only want revenge."

Kagome swallowed hard and bit her lip. Revenge? Upon Kohaku or herself, that didn't make sense. But Inuyasha…those demons had been ready to tear him apart, that possessed corpse had seemed desperate to get at him. But why would they…

"You could be right, Kagome." She turned to look at Kohaku and was relieved to see him looking decisive again. "If it really is Midoriko, she's still trapped with those demon souls." He took a deep breath, shuddering. "I think we can all feel how much pain she's in."

"Yes," she breathed, feeling Inuyasha's fingers twitch against hers. "We've got to help her, Kohaku. If her presence is leading these attacks, they won't ever stop until we're able to lay her to rest."

"I knew you'd understand," Kohaku said, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable when he looked at her with an intensity she'd never seen before. "And you'll be the one to do it, Kagome. I knew that was why you were here, after so many years, who else could it be?"

Her mouth was dry, but Kagome nodded like she knew what she was doing. "I'll…I'll try, Kohaku. I don't know how to…"

"No, I'll take care of the how," he answered. "If you and Inuyasha will help me, will just go to talk to her…"

"The old woman." Inuyasha's voice was quiet, subdued as if he was forcing himself to speak. "The one you think will send Kagome home."

She felt dizzy just thinking about it. Home, a week ago she would have done anything, paid any price, just to get back to where she belonged. But what about the price, what if going home meant a one-way trip and she'd never see Inuyasha again? Could she live with that?

Could she teach herself to live without him…again?

"I'm not going home," she said, each word falling from her lips like promises kept in blood. "I've made my choice. I came back here for a reason and this is it."

Slowly, she turned to look at Inuyasha. "I told you I was sure," she whispered.

He reached out to touch her face. His hand was shaking and she wanted to throw her arms around him, sob into his chest like a lost child, but he only stroked her cheek. "Don't," he whispered, "not for me, Kagome. Not when I'm going to…"

"Then I'll have you for as long as I can!" The fierce tone of her voice couldn't be mistaken. "Don't you understand? I'm not going to lose you!"

Kohaku cleared his throat, she heard him shuffle his feet as if he were unsure if he should be listening. "Help me," he said softly. "Kagome, Inuyasha…help me save her. I'm tired of killing, and I'm tired of watching good people die. It has to end…it has to end now."

"Oh Kohaku," she murmured, her eyes stinging. Sango's brother, what else could she do? "We'll help you in any way we can." She felt Inuyasha's hands on her shoulders, warm and steady. With him at her side, she could do anything.

Anything at all.

oOo

As Kohaku had said, it was dangerous for Inuyasha to return to the village. The demons had twice attacked him, twice tried to lure him out where they could overwhelm him, not just kill. Kohaku said that he couldn't take that kind of chance again…there were too many innocent people at risk.

"I'll go back alone," he said quietly and then gave Kagome a half-hearted smile. "Shiori will worry if I don't let her know what we're doing. And I think Rin and Shippou would fight their way across the forest if they thought you two were in danger."

She'd been worried about that, what Shippou and Rin might do if they didn't return. "Is he going to be okay?" she asked, concerned that Shippou might not have recovered from the effects of Kohaku's barriers. "He won't like being told not to come after us."

"Brat," Inuyasha muttered to himself. "Both of them, stubborn brats. When I get home, I'm having that brother of mine lock Rin in her room for a month."

She grinned at him, happy to hear him sounding more like himself. "Does Sesshomaru have room for Shippou? I don't think Kouga and Ayame can sit on him much longer."

Inuyasha snorted and then chuckled. "Can't hurt to ask."

She felt so much better, she felt like they were actually going to do some good. Instead of just selfishly trying to get home, or abandoning herself to whatever fate intended, Kagome was happy to be taking action. It felt like the old days, when they'd been so determined to stop Naraku.

It made her miss Sango and Miroku even more, to the point where she felt her eyes stinging again when Kohaku had to leave.

"There are caves just to the south of here," he explained. "You should be safe there until I get back. I'll try to hurry, but if I'm not there by noon tomorrow…"

Kagome laughed, shoving the young exterminator gently in the direction of his wife. "Go see Shiori," she said, her whole body smiling at him. "Give her my love and tell Rin and Shippou we'll be back soon. Inuyasha and I can take care of ourselves for a day or two."

Inuyasha had grinned at that and Kagome licked her lips as she returned his smile. Maybe it was pure selfishness, but she was desperately grateful to have him to herself. She wanted him, oh god, she wanted him! But even more than that, she wanted to talk to him.

She wanted to answer his questions, tell him everything he'd forgotten. Kagome wasn't going to dwell on the past though, or hurt them both by filling in the painful details. She wanted him to hear the good things that he'd done, how many times he'd fought for the innocent or the weak, people like Shiori and Kohaku, when they'd been children.

She wanted him to know that he'd never been a murderer, or a monster, or something that deserved hatred and loathing. Only she, Kagome, could fill in those lost pieces of his memory. It was the jewel that had made him do those things, either he'd been seduced by its power, or become too fearful of his own weakness, but the reason didn't matter.

It was the jewel and the angry souls inside it that had ruined the person Inuyasha had been meant to be.

_This is what I've always wanted, to become pure youkai._

She refused to believe that.

_I never wanted to be only human, Kagome._

Maybe not. But he hadn't wanted to become that monster either. His betrayal had shocked her down to her very soul, had torn apart everything she'd known, everything she'd believed about herself. And for years, she'd punished herself for believing in him, for loving him, for not seeing Inuyasha for what he really was.

Only to find out…she was right all along.

Now, warming her hands over a small fire inside a tiny cave, she wanted to prove it to him. Prove to Inuyasha that she was right about him; prove that her heart and her body had never betrayed her because he was the man she'd always loved. And the man that he was meant to be…deserved a second chance.

Kagome had told him that he shouldn't dare apologize to her for what had happened. Now she was ready to let him apologize to her all night long until both of their bodies gave out and they could slide together into unconsciousness.

She licked her lips again, anticipating. If she had anything to say about it, this would be a very good night for apologies.

Sighing, she wrapped her arms around her knees. Inuyasha's still damp haori was spread out on the floor next to her, drying slowly. He'd insisted on scrubbing the stench out of it and she'd agreed as soon as the smell had wafted towards her. It definitely would have interfered with her plans for a romantic encounter.

Smiling, she reached out and stroked the sleeve of the red haori and thought about all the times she'd worn it. The first time, heading down the well to confront Yura of the Hair. He'd been gruff, but even then protective. Times after that when it had sheltered her from attack, or kept the rain off her head. It was strange how a piece of clothing had become so intertwined with all of her memories, good and bad. Just like Inuyasha himself, they were part of her.

Kagome stood up to shake the now slightly damp haori, the rough material like a familiar friend. And she'd been so frightened when she'd seen him wearing it, just like he'd been enraged to see her dressed like Kikyou. He'd attacked her then, in the corridor of Sesshomaru's fortress, and nearly forced himself on her out of hate and pain.

Had he really wanted to hurt her? She'd seen so much shame in his eyes…

"No," she murmured, holding the haori close like a lover. "I'm not going to think about that." Slowly, she drew the fabric around her, pulling it close like a veil to keep out those angry memories. She pressed a sleeve against her cheek and just wished again that she could start over, they could start over…somewhere in the past.

"Kagome?"

Blushing, she turned to face him, her face turning almost as red as the fabric she'd been nuzzling. His eyes lit up, surprised, and he slowly walked towards her, a string of fish for their dinner dangling from his hand like an afterthought.

"You missed me that much?" he asked, unable to keep the grin from his voice.

"Don't let it go to your head," Kagome answered, feeling a bit foolish. "I'll have you know I'm very fond of this haori."

"Is that so?" Inuyasha dropped the fish next to the fire and moved closer. Kagome caught her breath as he approached, the firelight reflecting in his eyes and turning them bright. He stopped, only inches from her and stared at her so seriously that she thought her heart might stop.

"I'll give it to you," he whispered, his voice sending a sensuous thrill up her spine. "You have to promise to wear it just for me."

"I promise," Kagome said, barely able to hear her own words over the pounding of her pulse. His hands were slowly moving to the ties of her hakama, loosening them just enough that they started to slide from her hips. Satisfied, he stood still until she shifted and let them drop.

"And this," he murmured. Fingers steady and sure, he gently opened her top, his hands like warm promises themselves as he caressed her. First her waist, gliding his fingers over the swell of her hips, then across her torso as if mapping each and every inch of her skin. She was ready to scream by the time he reached her breasts, and then she nearly whimpered as he only passed over the rigid points of her nipples and moved the warmth to her shoulders.

"Kagome," he whispered, moving to kiss her neck. She stiffened slightly, realizing that her top had slid to the ground, nestling around her feet with the hakama. He trailed his fingertips under his haori, holding her close to him with feathery touches. His palms rested on her on her hips again, his thumbs moving in slow circles on either side of her pelvis.

Shaking now, not from fear, but from pure desire, Kagome slowly pressed herself into Inuyasha's embrace. Their bodies fit together, arms and elbows all sliding into place and the weight of his haori made her knees go weak. He caught her as she sagged against him, utterly his, and finally where she needed most to be.

Carefully, he pulled her down, settling her across his knees as he knelt, unwilling to let any part of her bare flesh touch the rough cave floor. Kagome arched her back, her thighs on either side of his and wasn't surprised when she found that he had loosed his hakama just enough to ease past his hips.

No words now, she slid over him and bit her lip as he entered with one, slow thrust, and then pulled her down to rest against him. They were both breathing a little too fast and he rested his head on her shoulder. She sighed in his ear, kissed his cheek and he started to rock forward slightly, just enough.

It was utterly silent in the cave, except for the lazy crackling of the fire and a soft gasp now and then. Inuyasha cupped her backside with both hands, moving her up and down to meet his body. She just kept her arms around his neck, holding on, but not asking anything. She could only give now, all parts of her reveled in just giving to him what he wanted and letting the rhythm build faster as the urgency between their bodies needed answer.

Opening her eyes, she watched his flushed face, and became fascinated with each grimace and gasp. It was like she was seeing him for the very first time, his expression was that naked. Trembling, she stroked his cheeks with fingers until he swore softly and slammed her hips down against his own. The muscles of her thighs clenched when she felt him spill inside her and a glorious tension suddenly released all at once.

It made her dizzy and she didn't know how long they stayed there, clamped desperately around each other, but she felt him stir and reach up to stroke her hair and slick the sweat down the bare skin of her back.

"You dropped your haori," he whispered. "You promised to wear it for me."

Kagome hugged him tight, smothering him against her chest until he laughed. "Ask me again," she said, silly with him. "Ask me for anything you want and I'll give it to you, just ask!"

His body went still under hers, still plastered together with sweat and the musk of their lovemaking. "I have something to ask," he said, sounding more like a lost child than a man who had just made love. "I want to ask, but I don't have the right."

Sensing how serious he was, Kagome pulled back to look at his face. Inuyasha met her eyes without flinching. "What is it?"

"Tell me everything," he whispered. "Everything that happened to you after you left. I've got to know…why you still love me."

She caught her breath, memories of the past ten years like a speeding train in her mind. "It's not important…" she began.

His arms tightened around her waist. "It's important to me," he muttered. "I keep seeing you, falling down the well. You were running from me, I was going to…hurt you."

"I don't want to tell you what happened," she whispered into his hair. "It's in the past now, it's over…you'll only be…"

The words caught in her throat and Kagome felt tears sliding down her cheeks. For so long she'd kept this to herself, her secret pain, the one thing that no one else could share. It was hers and hers alone! Like the baby had been hers alone to mourn and weep for. She could see herself, seventeen years old and sobbing in a hospital bed at night.

Her mother tried to share the pain, but she'd shut her out. Her brother hadn't understood, only shouted and screamed for Inuyasha's blood over what had been done to his sister. Her grandfather…tears burning now…had held her hand and said…said…

It was fine to grieve, jiichan told her. Fine to grieve and fine to be angry. But once the fury and pain passed, she would still have her own feelings to deal with.

Her feelings for Inuyasha.

And so she'd sealed her heart in a tiny casket, welded it together with hate and bitterness, blaming herself for this loss when deep inside, like a festering black sore, the grief for her baby had never truly healed.

"When I left you," she said, her voice shaking and breaking like glass over stone. "When I left you, I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage…I lost the baby. It's all my fault."

"Kagome." Inuyasha's voice sounded rough. "Kagome, don't blame…"

"It's my fault!" she cried, throwing her arms around him and sobbing hysterically. "I lost your baby and I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't strong enough. Maybe God took her away because I loved you more than I loved anything else."

Words she'd never said, only screamed in the darkness of pain…

"It was punishment," she said, the words wracking her as Inuyasha held her on his lap. "It was punishment because I broke the jewel, I wasn't strong like Kikyou! I wasn't able to stop you and my baby died because I wasn't good enough!"

She'd never said the words out loud. Not to her mother, not to any therapist or doctor who might have been able to soothe her, or convince her that it wasn't her fault. She'd carried the guilt and the blame alone because that was her punishment, and that was what she deserved.

She couldn't save Inuyasha and she didn't deserve to have his child.

"Kagome, Kagome," he murmured, rocking her like a child. Only moments ago, their bodies had rocked in passion, now he held her and comforted her. She cried until her eyes were so swollen that she couldn't see, and only noticed she was warm when she realized he'd pulled the haori around them.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Inuyasha said, rocking her against his shoulder. "I should have been there. If I hadn't fucked up, you wouldn't have had to run away and bear this all by yourself. Oh Kagome, I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I beg you to forgive me for not being there to hold you when you needed me!"

A heavy weight lifted and Kagome felt something inside her break. For the first time, she had cried out to him all of her loss and her pain. Now the deep dark center of her soul, the twisted and withered place where she'd hoarded all of her self-hatred, had been set free. She could feel her whole body lightening, filling up with peace, and light flowing over her darkness until she finally sighed.

The shell had been broken. The pain…like tight cords around her heart…was gone. Kagome brushed her hair back from her face and met Inuyasha's eyes. Like travelers lost in a desert, their thirst had overwhelmed them until they knew only desperation. Finally, like cool water to their parched souls, they were able to find solace in each other, sharing each sip from the same cup, and together they grieved for their losses and made love until they were both too exhausted to cry.


	33. ThirtyThree

_**Possession 33**_

Dreams fading as consciousness returned, she opened her eyes to bright sunlight filling the mouth of the cave. She felt stiff and sore, curled on her side with her left arm under her head. Her left hip felt like it was digging into solid rock and the muscles of her back protested about how she'd let them sleep last night. With a somewhat pitiful groan, she gathered her strength and sat up.

Passionate encounters in secluded caves might sound romantic, but Kagome had to admit there was something to be said about a nice, soft bed. With clean sheets, thick blankets and…god…room service. She rubbed her face and grimaced at the grit in her hair. No, she wasn't anyone's idea of a beauty at the moment. And quite honestly, she didn't give a damn.

She was only a woman and last night she and Inuyasha had made this dusty little cave into a sanctuary that she wouldn't trade for the best hotel room in Tokyo. Stretching her sore back and smiling a little at the pleasant ache of nearly too much sex, Kagome sighed in contentment.

It felt like she was whole. Healed. Reborn even, she thought, hugging her knees because she couldn't contain her emotions. Despite years of hate and oceans of regret…she'd found him again. She'd told herself viciously that he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but in the darkness of her abused love, she'd only been denying that solace to her own heart.

In forgiving him, she'd finally been able to forgive herself.

For all the mistakes she'd made before and after. Every wrong step she'd made since the first time she'd fallen down that well, as well as every selfish, or self-destructive, act she'd committed since. The friends she'd lost while clawing her way to success, the loves that she'd left burned and ravaged in her wake. Her mother, growing older and lonely on the other side of the ocean. Her brother, angry and directionless when she might have been there to listen.

Grandfather…jiichan…who'd died without saying goodbye or been granted one last time to tell her that he loved her.

And Inuyasha. She'd loved him and lost him and broken herself to pieces over him. Disguised by anger, she'd managed to convince herself that she was to blame, that her weakness and her love had been the thing that had destroyed him. She'd grieved for him in a way she'd never grieved for herself, and walked with his ghost behind her at every step. Only to cross time once again, find him again, and meet herself along the way.

Was this what redemption meant? Kagome snorted back a laugh, covering her nose with a grimy hand at her own peculiar version of introspection. She didn't give a damn what it meant, only that right here and right now…it felt wonderful.

A shadow crossed the sunshine and she looked up, tilting her head to the side when he entered. Inuyasha stood for a long moment, just looking down at her until she lifted her chin and smiled. He looked so good…she'd eat him alive if she could. Barring cannibalism, she only wanted to drink him in as if his presence was the sweetest nectar.

"You look happy," he said at last, and she raised an eyebrow at the smugness in his voice.

"I don't know," she said, teasing him just a little. "I didn't sleep very well. Someone kept me awake most of the night."

His smile turned positively wicked, his eyes lighting like the sunrise itself. "Should I apologize?" he said, daring her. Before she could say a word, he dropped to his knees and caught her in a sudden embrace. His hands had a confidence she'd never known before, sliding around her waist and tucking against her body. Lips brushing hers in what might have been a kiss if she hadn't been grinning so hard, he nuzzled the tip of her nose with his own.

"I'm going to have to make it up to you."

"And I'm going to let you," she whispered. Inuyasha kissed her hard, quickly aroused and letting her know. The muscles of his arms were like solid stone, his kisses sweeter than a promise, but he moved a lot faster than she could so soon after waking. After a few moments of touching, his hand already slipping from her belly to play where her thighs met, and Kagome became aware of an embarrassingly human predicament.

"Um…Inuyasha?"

He looked at her, shining with golden intensity. "Yeah?"

"Let me up. I have to…go."

His eyebrows quirked and he grinned. "Go where?"

Dense as a stone, she grumbled to herself. Holding back a laugh because she feared she'd pee herself, Kagome pounded her fist on his shoulder. "Don't make me say it!"

"What, you gotta take a piss?"

Lips pressed together, it was getting urgent now, Kagome nodded. Just for a moment, she'd swear he hadn't changed since the first day she'd met him. Blunt and unembarrassed by such trifling needs as those of nature, she could always trust Inuyasha to cut to the chase of any conversation.

"Inuyasha, if you don't mind…"

"Right!" Kagome squeaked when he suddenly stood, sweeping his arm under her legs and heading out of the cave at a quick pace. Within moments, she was dropped to her feet in a shady and suitably private cluster of bushes at the edge of the forest. Her mouth fell open slightly when Inuyasha just turned his back and gave her a lazy wave of his hand.

"Go on, ain't no one else around but me."

"I'm not going to piss in front of you," she hissed, suddenly livid.

"Ain't looking," he muttered.

"You can hear!"

"Yeah, so what?" Inuyasha sounded bored. "Everyone does the same thing, Kagome." He took two steps away and she glared at his back. "You weren't so modest last night."

She was going to burst before she'd let him get away with this. Kagome swore to herself, her bare toes twisting in the grass. The set of his shoulders was uncompromising; she could tell by the way he was standing that she'd have an argument on her hands if she tried to push. And honestly, her body didn't care anymore and was making its discomfort known in no uncertain terms.

"You will pay for this," she muttered, reaching for the ties of her hakama. Her face had to be burning bright red and Kagome contented herself with imagining different ways to make him suffer. This was so embarrassing, Kagome was fairly squirming with annoyance. He was either treating her like a child or…or…

Words failed her when it came to Inuyasha.

His ears twitched when she came out of the bushes. "All done?" he asked brusquely before grabbing her arm. Kagome realized he was about to scoop her up again and this time she was ready. Twisting her arm away, she planted her feet and glared at him. Inuyasha just stared back at her until finally he shrugged and folded his arms.

"What?"

"Was that some kind of joke?" she asked, striving to keep her voice even. Ten minutes ago, she'd been riding the swell of euphoria, drunk on her love for him without feeling anger or guilt. She'd told him everything she'd held in for so very long and he'd comforted her. Soothed her.

Loved her…and now she was back to the status of a possession again? Something that could be bundled and bullied, tossed over his shoulder like a sack of rice? It infuriated her that he'd take her so lightly, not when she'd laid bare all the wounds on her soul. Not when she'd come to trust him again, with her body, with her heart, and now he didn't even trust her to relieve herself without standing over her?

"It's not a joke," he said, his eyes dimming just a little when he took in her anger. "I just…I want to protect you, Kagome."

"From the bushes?" she asked sarcastically.

He didn't blink or react to the sneer in her tone. "From everything."

Her anger faded as she realized he was nothing less than deadly serious. There was no smugness in his words, no teasing glint in his eyes. As a hanyou, she'd known him to be a little overprotective. Okay, a lot overprotective, but usually with good reason.

When he'd changed, he'd become absolutely possessive of every second she wasn't in his direct line of sight. Every breath, every twitch of her body, he'd owned them right down to her toes. And let her know it, over and over, that she was nothing more to him than his toy. He'd ruled over her those few weeks, it was less than three months that she'd endured him. Kagome trembled slightly, realizing that his hold over her had reached across time and she'd never escaped the demon in more than body alone.

"Let's go back to the cave," she said softly. "We'll wait for Kohaku…we'll talk some more and…"

"I will protect you," Inuyasha said fiercely, his voice low and hard. He took a step closer until she had to raise her chin to look him in the eyes. No trace of possessive cruelty or desire to rule her existence. If she hadn't known better, Kagome would have said he looked like he was about to cry.

"I will protect you," he repeated and put his hands on her shoulders. "Believe me, Kagome. I'm going to be there for you the way I should have been from the beginning. I'm not going to make any mistakes this time."

"I know," she whispered. Kagome reached up, touching his face with her hands. He seemed so desperate suddenly, desperate for her to believe in him. While insisting on carrying her out here, watching over her while she relieved herself, seemed a bit too extreme, she understood where it was coming from.

Hadn't she been desperate herself all these years, just to prove to herself that her love wasn't so wrong?

Inuyasha took a deep breath and smiled. It was a pitiful smile, full of apologies and relief that she understood him. So vulnerable…how could she have thought for one moment that he'd gone back to the domineering bastard who'd nearly destroyed them both?

"I promise…I won't let you down again," he murmured, stroking her hair with the back of his fingers. "I promise, no matter what happens, I won't let you be hurt. Not by anyone…especially not by me."

He was going to make her cry if he kept this up. Kagome's eyes were already burning and she wanted to kiss away his doubts. So serious, like a little boy swearing an oath, and she wanted to comfort him instead. She didn't want to hear about getting hurt, or needing to be protected. She didn't want to think about anything bad that could happen, or had happened. It was time to move on.

So she smiled and nudged him with a fingertip. "Hey, we've been through this already. You know how I feel about you; do you think I need to hear anything else? I believe you, Inuyasha. And I know you'll keep your promises."

Warm arms pulled her close and Kagome sighed as she rested her cheek against Inuyasha's chest. She could hear the rapid beat of his heart as he held her, feel the slightest shiver in his arms. He meant it, this Inuyasha meant everything he said and needed her belief in him just as badly as she needed to believe in them both.

"Promise me then," he murmured into her hair. "Let me protect you, even if it turns out to be nothing. I can't shake this feeling I'm going to lose you again."

Again? Kagome closed her eyes and leaned against him, hoping he'd feel her sincerity and her love. "I promise."

He pulled away from her gently, taking her hands and staring at the ground. There was something oddly formal about it and Kagome's pulse started to race. Wild thoughts scattered in her mind, old and forgotten dreams. God, she wasn't a schoolgirl anymore! She was a grown woman with a past of her own now, a life that she'd lived beyond that well and beyond the child that she had been.

If he asked her…if he asked her to marry him…

"One more thing," he said, still not looking at her. "Promise me one more thing, Kagome. And I'll never ask you for anything else."

_Once upon a time, a princess lived happily ever after_…

"Yes," she whispered.

Inuyasha looked up and met her eyes. "If I ever turn into that monster again, promise that you won't stay by my side. Go to Kouga. Go to Sesshomaru, or anyone else you think is strong enough to take me down. Run away from me, Kagome, and don't stop until you're safe."

_Oh dear god_…

He squeezed her hands tightly, almost hurting her. "You find someone to protect you," he said, his voice cutting her like a jagged piece of glass. "And make sure they do what's right…"

_Inuyasha…no_…

"And kill me before I ever touch you again."

oOo

Late afternoon and Rin couldn't stop looking at the sky. Since awakening that morning in Shiori's home, she'd felt more and more uneasy. Idly, she leaned against the doorway and curled her hair around her fingers. The morning had been busy, a lot of confusion in this village of humans. It had been a very long time, she thought, since she'd been comfortable as one of them.

If she ever had been, Rin couldn't remember much of her life before Sesshomaru-sama. Only that her family had died and left her alone. No one in that village had cared much for her, another mouth to feed, another penniless, useless child to watch over. She'd felt unwelcome and out of place back then…and found that she felt the exact same way right now.

She'd offered to help with the clean up, desperate to have something to distract her from worry. Inuyasha and Kagome…they hadn't come back. Shippou was still unconscious, and she could see the strain in Shiori's eyes whenever the girl came to speak with her. Some of the people were hurt, injured in the wild attack that had come out of nowhere…and disappeared just as quickly.

While nursing the injured was far from her favorite activity, Rin knew how to dress wounds and change bandages. Even though she'd never lacked for anything since Sesshomaru-sama had taken her in, she knew how to clean, she knew how to cook simple food, and she knew how to make sure that scared little children didn't run off or get themselves hurt. She could have done all these things for Shiori's village, but she did nothing more than watch the activity around her.

They didn't want her help. As far as these people were concerned, Rin was the enemy.

No, worse than that. She was a human who had betrayed her own kind to live with youkai. Some of them had heard about what had happened in Kaede's village, had seen her arrive with Inuyasha and Shippou. Never mind the fact that Inuyasha had spared the very people who'd been ready to murder him, and never mind that Shippou was still out cold on Shiori's floor.

They were youkai, they were dangerous, and if she was with them…she was a threat to every other human being here.

"Don't mind them," Shiori said softly, touching her arm. A mother with her toddler walked near them and smiled fondly at Shiori, but her smile slid from her face when she looked at Rin.

Rin pretended not to see…and said nothing about it.

Shiori sighed and sat down on the stoop next to her, rubbing at her swollen belly. She'd been on her feet all day long, tending to the wounded, directing people in different tasks, giving her people somewhere to focus while her husband was gone. And she did it all gracefully, Rin thought. With a smile and a light laugh, she'd calmed the panicked women and children by setting them an example of something other than worry and dread.

She only wished that Shiori could have done the same for her.

"I don't mind," Rin said, hugging her arms to her chest. "I don't care what they think of me."

"Mmm…"

Rin glanced over at Shiori's serene face. "How do you stand it?" she murmured, barely moving her lips. "You know what they think of youkai. Inuyasha was right, Shiori. You and your baby…if you stay here, it could get pretty bad."

"It won't." Smiling, Shiori leaned next to Rin. "I know what I am, Rin. I've never been ashamed that my father was a youkai. When I was little, the other children in my village were unkind to me, same as their parents were unkind to my mother."

"But…"

"I won't run away, not while Kohaku needs me." She rested her hand on her stomach and grinned. "Besides, what about yourself? You don't have to be here either; you could be safe at home. Why are you trying to help Kagome?"

Rin blushed. Her motives had been anything but noble, but she couldn't hate Kagome the way that she'd thought she would. There was something about her that touched Rin's heart, something vulnerable and still angry. Wounded almost, like the pain in Shippou's eyes when he watched Inuyasha. She understood things better now.

Kagome hadn't been lying…and she'd never tried to kill Inuyasha by using the jewel. She'd been innocent…a victim…and Rin cringed inside when she thought of what must have really happened between Kagome and Inuyasha all those years ago. It made the hair stand up on the back of her neck, it made her stomach feel tight and aching. For the first time in her life, Rin wondered, honestly wondered, why Sesshomaru-sama had allowed his corrupted younger brother to live.

It certainly wasn't out of kindness.

"I don't know," she murmured, staring out at the village with unseeing eyes. "Maybe because I just want to be here. They don't need me, you know. I'm just a spoiled little brat who won't do as I'm told and go home."

"And Shippou?" Shiori asked quietly.

Rin laughed softly. "He's worse than me. He won't leave because he wants to save Kagome from Inuyasha. His hatred is his whole world…I think he'd be lost without it."

"Hatred?" Shiori frowned, her pretty face crinkling with confusion. "That's not the Shippou I remember. They seemed to be so close…"

"We were."

The women turned to look behind them as Shippou came over to lean against the doorway. His face was still very pale and there were dark circles under his eyes. Rin thought he looked weak and ill, his green eyes somehow dimmer and less sharp when they met hers.

"Are you going to live?" she asked, worried.

Shippou snorted and then grimaced. "My head hurts," he said petulantly, dropping down to sit beside her. "What happened? This place looks like it was hit by a horde of demons."

"It was." At Shippou's startled expression, she started to explain but was interrupted by Shiori's light voice.

"You should have seen it last night," the girl said cheerfully. "We're lucky that any of the houses are still in one piece."

He stared at her. "I missed a fight?" Shippou sounded so disappointed, scowling before turning on Rin. "Why didn't you wake me up? I could have…"

"You couldn't do anything," Rin scolded. "You were too sick and you know it. You're lucky that Shiori let you stay here at all, tossing and turning all night and groaning. I would have tossed you out the door to sleep with the livestock!"

Shippou grumbled and then blinked, turning wide eyes back to Shiori. "Shiori?" he asked, shocked. "What are you doing…how can you…" He gripped his head in sudden pain. "What the hell's going on?"

His voice carried loudly and a few villagers looked nervously in their direction. Shiori waved at them, smiling and they turned back to their tasks. "We were attacked by youkai last night," she said quietly, her smile somewhat fixed. "Don't give them more reason to be frightened, Shippou."

He shut his mouth, leaning more into the shadows inside the house. "What's going on, Rin?" he whispered. "Where's Kagome, where's Inuyasha? Did they go somewhere with Kohaku?" Shippou inhaled sharply with a hiss. "She's not hurt, is she?"

Rin could see it, the anxiety starting to take over the young fox demon, the fear in his eyes that so many years hadn't erased. Quickly, she reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing as hard as she could.

"Inuyasha argued with Kohaku," she said in a firm, steady voice. "He left and went into the forest. We were attacked…that same presence. It seems to draw demons to it, drive them to attack. Kohaku and his people fought to keep them away from the village, but during the battle…" She took a deep breath, knew Shippou was going to raise hell. "Kagome went after Inuyasha on her own."

"And you let her go?" Shippou yanked his hands away and glared at Rin. "What are you, crazy? She's already been attacked so many times, couldn't you make her wait until I could…"

Shippou yelped as Shiori drew back her hand, having pinched his ear hard enough to leave a mark. "You were unconscious," she said, her voice still sweet and mild. "And it's not Rin's fault either. She couldn't have stopped Kagome and I don't think that she should have tried."

"What do you know about it?" Shippou said bitterly.

"I know that Kagome loves Inuyasha," Shiori answered. Shippou flushed and turned to look at Rin, who nodded in agreement.

"You just have to accept it," she told him quietly. "Shippou, she loves him. And he loves her. Nothing you can do or say is ever going to change that."

She'd expected him to argue, maybe fight with her and Shiori about how he had to go running after Kagome to save her from…oh gods only knew what he thought she needed from him, but Rin knew it wasn't the answer. So when Shippou fell back against the floor with a thud and bent his head until his bright hair covered his eyes, Rin was more than surprised.

"I know she loves him," he said in a dull, heavy voice. "Don't you think I know it?"

"Shippou," Rin whispered.

"I'm not an idiot, no matter what you think." He lifted his head and she saw that Shippou wasn't crying. The skin around his eyes looked pinched, his mouth a grim line of defeat. "I wasn't doing it because…because I thought I could make her love me. I understand that, Kouga beat it into my head so many times that I'm sick with it."

"Then why are you so hurt?" Shiori asked, covering one of his hands with her own. His other hand reached for Rin's and squeezed it hard.

"I was just a little runt," Shippou muttered. "I couldn't stop him, nobody could. Maybe if Sango and Miroku had been there they could have done something to stop him. Not me…and I was all she had left by then. And all I could do was stand outside…and watch him destroy her."

Rin felt tears stinging her eyes. Such a little child he'd been back then, so alone and scared. The two people he loved the most and he had to stand there and do nothing because he was too young to fight alone. It must have agony…and she knew that those memories couldn't just fade away.

And she'd called him a little brat, told him to _get over it_…Rin shuddered. She'd thought he was selfish and obsessed, too angry and bitter to see that Inuyasha was no longer that monster. He hadn't been there when Sesshomaru-sama had tried to heal his younger brother. Shippou hadn't seen Inuyasha fight to live, or grow into a strong and honorable man who had gained the respect of his father's people.

And Shippou couldn't know that in a fortress of powerful demons, Inuyasha was the only one who'd taken the time to be friends with a lonely little girl.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sliding her arm around his shoulders. "I didn't think about it."

She was surprised again when Shippou didn't pull away, instead leaning against her like his heart was still breaking. "It's okay," he said quietly. "You couldn't know…not really. Not unless you were there."

Shiori smiled wistfully. "I understand. Kohaku is a bit like you, always trying to make up for the past. He feels guilty that his sister died saving him, and shares that feeling of helplessness. It's hard to sit by when people you care for are hurt, even now…he can't stand to let go of anyone."

"Shouldn't they have come back by now?" Rin was worried. She had the feeling that there was something very wrong, something terrible that was going to happen. It had been with her since last night, just after Kagome had run into the forest after Inuyasha. At that moment, the attack on the village had ceased, all of the attacking demons turning as one and scattering.

The rest of the village's men had come stumbling into the village just a few minutes later. Some were hurt, bleeding, and others just seemed stunned and overwhelmed. The sheer enormity of the presence was enough to knock anyone to their knees, and they'd remained shaken and fearful since.

"I'm worried too," Shiori said at last. She met Rin's gaze soberly, worry making her look pale and tired. "He should have been back before dawn, even if he chased the demons to the edge of the forest."

"What about Inuyasha and Kagome?" Shippou asked, his hand slipping around Rin's once again. So they were all worried now. "Where else could they be?"

"There's not another village for miles," Shiori answered. "Usually Kohaku has others with him when he leaves, he's got several men that he trusts like brothers. They wouldn't betray him…or abandon him in a fight."

"And?" Rin felt like she was stretched thin, her legs almost quivering.

"They haven't come back yet either."

Shippou groaned, rubbing his eyes. "We should go look for them."

"You can't!" Rin burst out, grabbing Shippou's hand when he started to get to his feet. "It's too dangerous, you were sick and…"

"I'm fine now," he said, irritated.

Rin didn't let go of his hand, instead scrambling to her feet while Shiori looked on in confusion. "No, you're not," the girl said firmly. "Have you forgotten what Kohaku said about the spiritual wards in the forest? If you go out there, you'll just get sick again. Shippou, you could die!"

His shoulders slumped. "I have to risk it," the kitsune muttered. "I don't care about the wards or barriers or whatever Kohaku said it was. What if they're hurt and can't make it back?"

Rin was fierce. "Kohaku said you could die, he tried to send you back to Kouga, remember? Inuyasha had to carry you here, who do you think you're going to rescue?"

He glared at her. "So? What about you? Kohaku told Inuyasha and Kouga that you should stay behind, that Sesshomaru wouldn't want you to be in danger. You're the brat who won't go home, why the hell should you tell me what to do?"

"Excuse me…" Shiori murmured, glancing around.

Furious now, Rin shoved Shippou hard enough to make him stumble. "You're a stubborn ass, Shippou! I can take care of myself and those wards don't affect humans!"

"That doesn't mean you can't be hurt!" Shippou yelled back. The entire village was staring at them by now, all eyes fascinated by the loud confrontation between the young fox demon and the human girl who lived among youkai.

Shiori sighed heavily and stood up, her round belly making her awkward. She reached out to the angry pair and tried to calm them before some of the villagers started picking up weapons. Just what they needed with Kohaku still missing and her trying to keep their people from panicking like scared rabbits.

"Please calm down," she said, gently taking hold of Rin's arm. The girl pulled free and grabbed a handful of Shippou's shirt, trying to force him to turn back towards them. "Now is not the time to fight…"

"Tell him, Shiori," Rin said firmly. "Tell him that those spirit wards will kill him if he goes into the forest. Kohaku said they were supposed to weaken demons so they were easily killed, but Shippou won't listen!"

Blinking in surprise, Shiori pulled back and stared at them both. "What are you talking about? I don't know anything about spiritual wards that would weaken demons. Kohaku's never said anything about it."

Rin gave her a questioning look. "But the barriers…they don't affect you?"

She was quite honestly baffled. "Why would they?"

"Because you're half-demon," Shippou explained. "Kohaku said the wards were to weaken youkai, they made me so sick I passed out."

Shiori's eyes grew wide. "He told you that?" she asked, her forehead creasing in a worried frown. "Shippou, that can't be true. There are barriers in the forest, but they aren't very strong. They only warn us if something is coming so that we can defend ourselves."

"Are you sure that Kohaku has told you everything?" Rin asked softly.

The girl nodded decisively. "He couldn't keep it from me," she explained. "I go into the forest often to gather food and herbs with the other women."

For a long moment, they just stared at her, turning her words over slowly as if to deny the truth. Shiori bit her lip and stared at the ground, understanding that if her husband had lied to Shippou and Rin about the wards, lied to Inuyasha and Kagome, there was something very wrong. Kohaku didn't lie, but why would he make up such a story to explain Shippou's illness? If he used such an excuse, he must have been trying to hide the truth. And if he was hiding the real reason for Shippou's illness, using it as an excuse to send him back to Kouga just like he'd tried to send Rin back to Sesshomaru, it only meant one thing.

He was trying to get them out of the way…out of his way.

Slowly, Shiori raised her eyes. "I don't know of any spiritual wards or barriers in this forest that might weaken a youkai. If…if there were such things, we wouldn't have had to fight so much, lose so many lives. But Kohaku is a youkai exterminator; he's told me about how his father trained him. There have always been other methods to subdue the demons that would prey on humans."

She took a deep breath and knew that she had to tell them everything. "Like poisons. There are special compounds that might make a youkai sick, or weak, or helpless. He made sure to show me what they were, so that I didn't handle them. If Kohaku told you that you were sickened by a spiritual ward…"

It hurt to say such things about him. "He must have had a reason."

Confused, Shippou sat down heavily. "What reason?" he muttered. "I didn't even know he was alive, Shiori. He had that asshole Natsu track me down and drag me to see him. If he'd wanted me dead, you'd think he wouldn't wait for the chance to poison me."

"Natsu?" Rin cringed a bit, remembering the man's bitter, scarred face, his overwhelming hatred of all things youkai. "He's the one who was going to murder Inuyasha at Kaede's village. I remember what he said…"

Shiori rubbed her eyes, they were stinging. "He blames inuyoukai for his family's death," she murmured. "But he's not an evil person, Rin. And he's not a monster either. He's just an ordinary man, but he would follow Kohaku into hell if he were asked. And keep any secret, no matter how terrible."

"Kohaku didn't want to kill you," Rin breathed, staring down at Shippou's dejected expression. "He needed you. You brought him to Kouga's camp to see Kagome and convince her to help him. He even said he knew a way for her to get home, like he knew all about where she'd come from."

"I told him about the well," Shippou admitted. He stared up at Rin, his mouth twisted with self-disgust. "I just wanted him to get her away from Inuyasha. I didn't care how he did it or why he wanted my help. I didn't even think about it."

"You think he lied about that too?" She turned to look at Shiori. "There's no old priestess in the forest that will help Kagome?"

The girl shook her head slowly. "I don't know of any priestess other than Kaede," she said, her voice a little rough with emotion. Her hands curved protectively over her stomach as if to shield her unborn child from the words of its father's betrayal. Then her jaw clenched and she glared out at the darkening forest.

"I don't know why my husband lied," Shiori said in a quiet, determined voice. "He's kept things from me, things that I didn't need to know about. Things I didn't want to know about, like why he knows where that dark cloud will appear, and why he kills so many demons. I know…I know it haunts him, all this killing."

"What should we do?" Rin felt useless, helpless. She wanted to hide her face and try to pretend that she didn't know about Kohaku. She'd wanted to believe that there was someone, anyone, who would help Kagome. Someone who might be able to save Inuyasha when even Sesshomaru-sama could not.

"We have to go after them," Shippou growled. "Kagome needs to know the truth."

"I'd like to hear it myself," Shiori answered. Her expression was severe and Rin wondered if Shiori was imagining something far worse when the young woman suddenly made a harsh noise in the back of her throat. "And I'm going to hear it, right now!"

Determined, Shiori gestured for Rin and Shippou to follow her. They made their way to the edge of the village, where a few structures had taken the worst damage. A group of men were gathered around a pile of rubble that had once been a small hut. Rin could see that they were actually tearing it down, saving the still useful wood to use again, discarding the portions that had been decimated to splinters.

A few called out greetings to Kohaku's wife, but the now angry looking young woman ignored them. She made her way straight to a man who was carrying an armload of rubbish and planted herself in front of him like a round and furious hen.

"Natsu," she said, her violet eyes sparkling. "Where the hell is my husband?"

oOo

Exhausted, Kagome sat down with a groan when Kohaku said they should rest. It was her fault that they were moving this slowly, but she didn't want Inuyasha to carry her. It wasn't like they were running for their lives, but you wouldn't have known that from the tense and worried expression on Kohaku's face.

It would have made more sense to let Inuyasha carry her, but Kagome decided she'd had enough of being dragged around by anyone else. Being carried on his strong back would have been faster, certainly less exhausting. Inuyasha had offered, hinted strongly that it would be better if he carried her, but enough was enough.

She could do this. She wasn't going to be a burden. She could carry her own weight and do what needed to be done.

If her feet would stop throbbing because right now, she really wanted to cry.

"We can't stay here," Kohaku said, looking up at the sky.

"She's tired," Inuyasha muttered, kneeling beside Kagome where she sat on a fallen log. Gently, he slipped off her sandal and started rubbing the tender flesh of her sole. He massaged her aching heel with the ball of his thumb, stroking the sensitive arch with his fingertips. Kagome wanted to melt, whimpering in the back of her throat when he accidentally brushed against a blister.

"We're all tired," Kohaku said heavily. "We have to be there before sunset. I told you, it's the only way she can help us."

Kagome closed her eyes. The only way, he said.

When she and Inuyasha had returned to the cave, they'd found Kohaku waiting for them. He'd looked as tired as she herself was right now, worn out and defeated. Thinking that something terrible had happened, Kagome had asked if they should wait to continue on their journey.

Kohaku shook his head. "No, it's now or not at all."

"Why the rush?" Kagome wanted to know. "Are we in more danger than you thought? What about the village, is Shiori…"

"Shiori is fine," Kohaku bit out. He flushed at her look and turned away. "They're all just fine, Kagome. I went to the village and checked. Rin and Shippou will wait with Shiori until we come back."

"Shippou is awake?" Kagome asked. "Didn't he want to come with you?"

Kohaku shrugged. "I suppose not, I told him we'd return soon enough and he wanted to rest."

"I guess those spiritual wards of yours really took it out of the brat," Inuyasha said, staring hard at Kohaku. "I thought he'd fight harder than that."

Kohaku didn't answer, but he kicked the ground hard enough that a small billow of dust settled over his feet. "I didn't have time to argue," he said at last. "I went ahead…to make sure that she'll see you."

"And?" Inuyasha had folded his arms, glaring at Kohaku as if he was ready to pick a fight of his own. "What did she say?"

Kagome leaned close and nudged Inuyasha with her elbow. "Kohaku isn't the enemy," she murmured. "He's trying to help."

"I'm trying to save my people," Kohaku said coldly, returning Inuyasha's stare without so much as a twitch. "If there's a way, some way at all that Kagome can help me put an end to this violence…I'll do anything."

He turned to look at her, Sango's brother and Kagome's heart flinched for the terrible burden that had been placed upon his shoulders. "You can do it," he murmured. "I hope there's a way you can go home, too. I really do, but right now I have to save my family. You understand, right?"

She didn't want to go home, she didn't need to tell him again. Kohaku seemed to be pleading with her, desperate. Why was this so important? If this old priestess were as wise as Kaede, as strong as Kikyou, and as powerful as Midoriko herself…why would she need anything from an ordinary woman like Kagome?

But then again, Kaede was old, Kikyou gone, and Midoriko…she was the soul trapped in limbo, the one who needed rescue more than anyone. Kagome had put an end to her spiritual beliefs when she'd crawled from her side of the well over ten years earlier. She was nobody's priestess and nobody's salvation anymore.

Warmth was returning to her battered feet and Kagome opened her eyes. Nobody's anything, huh? She looked into Inuyasha's eyes and touched his cheek with her fingertips. His hands were still resting on her ankles and she had the oddest feeling in the pit of her belly. The way he knelt, his love for her shining like the sun, she almost felt like he was offering her his prayers.

If Inuyasha believed in her…anything was possible.

"I'm fine," she said, shaking off the bone-deep weariness like all she'd needed was a nap. "Let's keep going."

oOo

"The hell I'm going help them!"

Natsu's bellow carried across the village, drawing frightened stares from women and children. The few men left behind were giving them suspicious looks, muttering darkly as none other than the boss's pretty wife backed Natsu against a wall. The women whispered to each other while their children started to shuffle nervously.

Shiori planted her hands on her hips and stared him down. Natsu was a big man, with heavy hands rough from farming. He'd leveled a baleful glare at Shippou when they'd approached, a sneer for Rin, but he'd flushed dark red when Shiori went straight up to him and poked him hard in the gut with her tiny little fist.

"What was that for?" he demanded.

"You should be ashamed," she scolded. "You told me this morning that you didn't know where Kohaku had gone. You said you knew nothing about it and didn't see Inuyasha or Kagome when you came back to the village."

"I didn't see 'em," Natsu protested. He shot an angry glare at Shippou and Rin before shaking his head. "You gonna believe them over me?"

"They didn't tell me anything," Shiori said, lowering her voice. "I know where they were this morning, Natsu. And I know you aren't telling me everything you know."

Damn it, he thought, glowering down at her. How the hell did he screw up this time? The boss was going to kill him, he just knew it.

"Don't tell them anything," Kohaku had said as he disappeared into the forest.

Shit. Now the fox demon was awake again and Natsu regretted that he'd not had a chance to beat respect into that boy. And that little girl kept looking at him like he was the monster, the animal, not the redheaded brat. He remembered what he'd said in the village, he'd called her a demon's whore and never thought he'd regret it.

Because what else was a woman who'd live with demons?

But looking at Shiori's furious little face, he found himself a bit ashamed. If that little girl had told the boss's wife, he'd never be able to look Shiori in the eye and explain himself. When he'd been hurt, sick with misery after watching his wife and son be killed, he'd longed for death in the worst way. It had been Shiori and her kindly mother who had tended to him, listened to him rant with fever and pain. They'd rescued him with their kindness, made him want to get better just to make them happy.

Why they'd bothered, hell, Natsu didn't know. A worthless man who couldn't even save his own wife and infant son…didn't deserve to live.

When he'd gotten better, strong enough to stand anyway…he'd met Kohaku. The boy had changed him, told him that there was still something to protect. He'd shown Natsu the faces of the women and children whose husbands hadn't come home, and asked if Natsu thought they deserved to be protected. And Natsu, who had never done more than work the fields since he'd been old enough to pull his first weed, learned to fight. To protect them.

Kohaku had taught him that, but he hadn't taught him how to forget his hate.

Looking into Shiori's clear eyes, he sighed and rubbed his neck. Things hadn't been right in a very long time. He couldn't remember the last time that Kohaku had looked easy or comfortable. They'd started out defending themselves and fallen into blood hunters. Some of the men who followed Kohaku now just lived for the kill, the stain of the blood, the smell of death lingering in the air.

Some of them had been mercenaries or deserters…not honest men trying to save their families. Enough time around them and he'd become a cruel bastard himself. Made it seem easy, made it seem right to slaughter any youkai for the pure pleasure of killing. Only…he didn't much like it himself when he came back to the village, drenched in blood, and saw Shiori looking at him with heartbreak all over her face.

Maybe…maybe this time the boss was just dead wrong about what had to be done. And maybe this little girl and that fox brat could find a way to stop him before he did something that even Shiori wouldn't be able to forgive.

"All right," he muttered, not looking at any of them. "You ain't gonna like it."

oOo

_Sunset_…

They reached the far edge of the forest. The afternoon sky had gone from gold to rust, bleeding out against the dark line of night approaching. Kagome was tired and sweaty, but she didn't care anymore. Inuyasha had to almost carry her a couple times, but his strength seemed to seep into her muscles like warm water each time he held her.

Best of all, she'd felt no taint of that malevolent presence, no horror hanging over their heads. Even though they'd had to move a lot faster than she was comfortable with, Kagome was glad to have made it to the end. Tattered and sore, maybe this strange feeling in her gut was the only thing that kept her going.

The feeling, she recognized it now. It was hope.

"Kohaku," she called as he strode ahead them, leaving them behind in his urgency to get to this mystery woman. "Where is she?"

"There," he said, pointing up the hillside. Nestled against a rocky, eroded hill, she saw an old Buddhist temple. It was falling to ruins, a small stone structure just like so many that she'd seen during her travels in this era. She wondered about the monks that might have built it years ago and thought of Miroku with a smile.

I'm doing what you said, she thought. I told him about the baby, I found the strength to forgive what couldn't be forgiven. I let go of my anger, my shame, and let myself love him again.

She didn't care if she left her old life behind, only felt an ache when she thought of her mother and brother. She could even forgive Scott right now, poor miserable soul. Kagome knew that she had a lot to live with, but she wasn't going to run away from herself, not ever again.

And she knew, for however long he had left, she would spend her life with Inuyasha. That was redemption enough for her sins.

She felt his hand on her arm and leaned against him gratefully. Inuyasha was staring at the temple, watching as Kohaku climbed the broken, crumbling steps. There had been a landslide, she decided, looking at the torn and disintegrating terrain. At some point, that modest little temple had tumbled down the slope, barely held together by whatever means it had been made.

"I don't like it," Inuyasha muttered, his body tense and rigid beside her. "Something…something doesn't smell right."

Kagome turned to look at him and saw the anxiety in his face, the nervous way his eyes kept moving, searching for something amiss. "What is it?" she asked softly, cupping his hand in her own.

"Should be something else here," he said, his voice sounding like wire stretched too thin. "No animals, no birds. Not even insects…even the grass is dead, the trees are rotten."

She stared around her. What had looked like normal trees, weren't so normal. They looked sickly, their starved roots poking up from the ground as if they couldn't bear to touch the earth itself. Under her feet, the grass looked green and healthy, but each time she lifted her foot, she saw the stems had broken like tiny glass shards, and a foul smell drifted up from the dank roots.

"Kagome!"

Looking up, she saw Kohaku waving from the entrance. "Come up here," he called. "She wants to meet you."

"What about Inuyasha?" she shouted, finding the air too heavy, as if her words were being blown back into her mouth.

Kohaku shook his head. "Wait," he said, raising his hand. "Inuyasha, wait for us down there. She doesn't trust youkai."

It made sense, this woman had been helping Kohaku for some time now. Of course she wouldn't want a demon in her home, especially a powerful demon with a reputation like Inuyasha's. It might not be easy to convince an old woman set in her ways, but Kagome would do her best to try. Not everything was as it appeared, she knew that better than most.

Kagome took a step forward, but Inuyasha gripped her hand tightly. "Don't," he said, soft in her ear. "I don't like it. I don't like you being that far from me if something goes wrong."

Trust. It was hard to lose and harder to regain, but Kagome knew they had to try. "I know," she said, comforting him. "But it's just up the hill. Kohaku is there and…"

Her mouth was open, still trying to talk when he suddenly pulled her tight against his body and kissed her. His lips were gentle in spite of his hard embrace, the slick heat of his tongue rocked her senses and she clung to him in response. The kiss went deeper, as if by tasting every crevice of her mouth and nipping at her lips, he could memorize her, save this moment forever.

"I trust you," he whispered, their lips parting with a moist lick. "Trust me too, Kagome. I won't leave you, I won't abandon you. Please…believe in me."

She pressed her finger against his lips. "Forever," she whispered. "You're the only one in my heart, you've always had me…forever."

He let go of her hand, watching as she made her way up the hill. Kagome had time to think about it and carefully searched around her. She didn't sense any aura, no hint of malignant presence. She let her senses unravel like a spool of thread, tasting the spiritual integrity of the space around her.

Nothing…nothing at all to worry about. It was like the world around them had been swept clean, purified…only…

It didn't feel right. Not how things should feel even if the aura of a place had been purified. It felt sterile, dead, as if all presence of life and hope had been banished alongside everything corrupt. There was no positive or negative, no light or dark. No good or evil, no love or hate, no passion or apathy.

It was nothingness and Kagome winced, pain filling her head at the yawning, clamoring, howling void of nothing tore at her soul. Her hands flew to her head, pressing against her temples as the presence that was _now within her_ beat its fury against the bones of her skull.

"Kagome!"

She looked up to see Kohaku running towards her, his face a mask of desperate fear. He stumbled against her, nearly knocked her over before he got a good grip on her arms. "Hurry! You don't want to be standing there!"

Standing…where? Kagome was almost blind with the pain, the empty void ripped open by a thousand trapped souls ate at her. That feeling in her stomach that she'd called hope was gone, only a hard, burning feeling in her chest.

She heard Miroku's voice again, this time it sounded like it had crossed all the years to find her…and another voice, darker than his, answering his words like a burning brand pressed deep into her mind.

_Aramitama_…

**The opposite of **_**courage**_** is…weakness.**

_Nigimitama_…

**The opposite of **_**friendship**_** is…greed.**

_Kushimitama_…

**The opposite of **_**wisdom**_** is…pride.**

_Sakimitama_…

**The opposite of **_**love**_** is…emptiness…**

Then suddenly…the howling in her mind quieted and Kagome sagged against Kohaku, trembling with relief. She blinked her eyes, trying to clear them, trying to find Inuyasha. She couldn't see, the sky and earth and landscape all jumbled together in a messy blur. Then, like a sunrise against cold night, she saw him as a flash of red against the hillside, trying to get to her.

"Shit," she heard Kohaku mutter. "She's coming outside."

Kohaku's arms steadied her as she turned to face the temple. From the ruined stone entrance, a figure appeared, slender and moving slowly like a ghost. It was a woman, her ragged garment hanging from her body like an afterthought, long dark hair a tangled storm around her face.

_Her face…oh God_…

"Sango," she whispered…and felt her heart break.

The woman came closer, standing at the steps of the ruined temple. Kagome couldn't believe what she was seeing…and knew that her friend, her beloved friend, Kohaku's doomed sister…was no longer alive. As she stared at the pale, thin face, the woman turned her head and met Kagome's gaze.

Those weren't Sango's eyes…they were like blood.

Not the crimson of an angry demon, but the color of fresh blood. They weren't like eyes at all, Kagome thought, her mind still rejecting the horror in front of her. This woman with Sango's face, her eyes were raw wounds…and there was something horrifying looking at her from behind their gory depths. Just for a moment…her heart stopped.

Just for a moment, she had looked into hell.

And then the woman closed her eyes.

"Kohaku," she croaked, grabbing frantically at his hands. "That's not her. That's not Sango! That's not your sister!"

"I know," he husked, barely able to answer. "Don't you think I know that?"

"Then why…" Kagome trembled and then started to fight him. Silent with horror, desperate now, she fought Kohaku's hold like she was going insane. He held her tight, his arm around her waist like a steel vice, his other hand…oh God…trying to turn her face away from what was about to happen.

"Inuyasha!" she screamed.

She saw him, running up the hill with murder in his eyes. Already he'd drawn Tessaiga, it pulsed to life and Kagome felt the ground start to shake with his fury. She knew…deep in her heart she knew he was coming to save her…

But she wasn't the one they were after…hadn't she known it all along?

The woman who was not Sango spread out her arms and a heavy shock of energy ripped over the hillside. Kagome and Kohaku stopped moving, feeling their own hearts stumble as long moments elapsed between each beat. Suddenly the world was made of glass, as if the sweat on their skin had frozen them while between life and death stretched an endless void.

She saw Inuyasha freeze where he stood, she saw Tessaiga fall from his hand. His upturned face went blank, all the fury and fear seeping from his eyes like water soaking into dry sand. His expression wasn't peaceful and Kagome choked to see him suddenly helpless, lost within his own mind.

"No…" she said, her mouth twisting around the word. Tears slid over her cheeks and her lips trembled. "Inuyasha…no…"

Then Sango…the creature that masked itself with her face, opened the tattered, ragged garment that she wore. Where there should have been only smooth, pale skin, where there should have been a woman's body, a writhing, seething mass of demon souls pulsed obscenely.

Her mouth opened, and Kagome thought she heard an echo of Sango's real voice, somehow drowning in the torment, as she said one word.

"Feed…"

The mass of demons and energy burst forth, a ravenous horde that raced straight towards Inuyasha. He didn't even seem to be aware of them as they overwhelmed him, knocking him to the ground and crashing over his body in a ravaging ecstasy of bloodlust and hunger.

Kagome started to scream. Her voice pitched high, shrieking in despair and loss as she watched Inuyasha disappear under the vile horde. She couldn't do anything but scream, and scream and _scream_…

Until at last, out of pity or mercy, Kohaku struck a blow to the back of her skull, knocking Kagome unconscious, and let her drift away into darkest dreams.

**oOo**


	34. ThirtyFour

**Possession 34**

For a very long time, Kagome kept perfectly still and told herself that it was just another nightmare. In her mind, still murky and drifting, she kept seeing him die. Inuyasha standing helpless as a swarm of monsters descended, his body toppling under their mass. She could see him falling, his expression frozen in time, a blank vision of unseen terror.

She screamed, her voice shattering over the hillside, the sound caught like needles in her throat. Then darkness, pain, and a welling sense of dread that left her head aching, her body stiff and cold. Unable to stop herself, she died with him again and again, each time sharper and distinct with the panicked thunder of her pulse.

The dream was so real. As badly as she wanted to wake, her body seemed to be unable to move. Cold had seeped into her muscles, her back and shoulders, until she felt like they had become as stone. So cold, she must have died with him. It must be a nightmare; either that or it was death.

If Inuyasha was truly lost to her now, death might be last thing they could share.

Gradually she became aware that she wasn't dreaming. She was just remembering, staring straight up at the cracked ceiling without seeing it, without even the awareness of what she was looking at or why. The cracks were like a spider's web and her eyelids twitched slightly, following the web back to the center as if somewhere in the image she might find herself.

A shadow passed suddenly over her face and she gasped, throwing out both hands to ward off a blow. The hand paused, retreated, and returned again with a cool, dry touch to her forehead.

"Kagome, can you hear me?"

_No, I don't hear a damn thing_.

"Kagome, wake up. You need to wake up."

She rolled her head to the side, gritting her teeth as pain jumped from the back of her skull to her temples. It made her want to retch, but even more…the pain made her furious. The anger gave her strength and her eyes narrowed to slits, and Kagome found a way to force herself to speak.

"You bastard," she whispered, her lips cracking around the words. Kohaku's face floated sideways, standing out sharp and miserable from the gloomy shadows. It took all of her strength just to move her head, but she managed. Rolling to the side, she put her arms under her body to shift her hips and Kagome forced herself to sit up halfway. It made her feel like a weak invalid and bile stung the back of her throat as she crawled away from Kohaku to lean against the wall.

Her head was still spinning, aching fiercely, but she was able to look around and take stock of her situation. The slanted gray walls, stones that looked like they had piled by a child's careless hand…they must be inside the ruined temple. In the far corner, a single lamp offered meager light for her surroundings and when she turned her face towards the open door, she could see only darkness.

The floor was gritty, filthy and covered with greasy-looking stains. It stank too, like death had come to rest here and left flesh behind to decay. When she raised her hands, she could see her palms were black with whatever had been left behind and her throat convulsed, fighting the urge to vomit.

"What have you done?" she murmured, not looking at the silent Kohaku. "Why, Kohaku? Why did you betray us like this?"

He didn't answer, kept staring at the floor as if the words would be too painful for her to hear. Kagome wiped her dirty hands on her no less filthy hakama and sighed. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to scream and wail and shriek her despair until the rest of this ruin came falling down around her. But she knew if she started, there was a chance she'd never be able to stop.

_Inuyasha_…his name kept rolling in her mind and if she closed her eyes, she could see his face, the look he'd had just before he'd died. It was so damned unfair, Kagome felt bitterness welling inside her heart and it tasted familiar. Why now, why had she been dragged back to this forgotten life? Why had she seen him again, fell in love with him all over again, if this was how it was going to end?

"I didn't want to betray you."

She raised her eyes and saw that Kohaku was still staring at the floor. For a moment, she wondered if he'd actually said those words aloud or if it was her battered mind playing tricks on her. Dismissing possible delusions, she decided that she had to talk to him. At least long enough to find out what his motives, and his intentions, truly were.

"You were the one that directed the attacks on the human villages," she said quietly, not even asking a question, merely stating the fact.

"Yes."

"And you were responsible for the slaughter of the wolf youkai and Sesshomaru's inuyoukai soldiers."

"Yes."

She found that she was angry after all, and her words started to harden like clay in a hot kiln.

"You control those demons, the ones that ride human bodies and the ones that attacked Inuyasha and I at Kouga's camp."

He turned to look at her, one dark eye soberly regarding her while the other remained hidden. "Yes. It was no accident that Kouga was attacked after I spoke to Shippou in the forest. He told me right where to find you, but he didn't know what I was going to do."

"And that thing outside?" Kagome's voice was rising, her tone scratching at him like fingernails on slate. "You did that…to…to…Sango?"

He shuddered, turning away from her again. "It's my fault," he muttered. "I'll take the blame for everything…even her."

"You lied to us," she whispered, as anger made her vision sparkle and helpless tears burned her eyes. "There was no priestess, it was just a trick to get me and Inuyasha to follow you. You never intended to help me, you just wanted us to be distracted and trust you blindly."

Kohaku reached down, tracing his finger along the dirty temple floor. "It worked," he said softly, sounding more like an embarrassed boy than a villain. "I had to do it. I never thought I'd have a chance to bring Inuyasha here, but then you came back. It was an opportunity we just couldn't miss."

Fury drove the weakness from her body, made the splitting pain in her head suddenly disappear. With an inarticulate scream, Kagome threw herself at Kohaku, attacking him with her bare hands. He fended her off easily, finally taking her wrists and pinning them behind her back, holding her tightly as she continued to kick and gouge at him.

"I'm sorry," Kohaku said, his voice soft in her ear. "I know you don't believe me and I'm not asking you to forgive what I've done. But I am sorry…about everything."

"Let me go," she hissed.

"I can't."

Her body went cold. "Are you going to kill me?"

His hands jerked and the grip on her wrists disappeared. Kagome flung herself away from him, scooting across the floor until her back was against the wall again. Kohaku stayed where he was, looking oddly broken and still. Edging along the wall, she thought she might reach the door. Even if it was dark, there was a chance she could escape him, find a way back to the village maybe. She didn't know what she'd do then…would anyone believe her?

"Don't," he said, still not looking up. Kagome stopped, only a few feet from the exit. "If you try to run, I'll have to hit you again. I don't want to do that."

"You're going to kill me anyway!" she said, furious.

"No." Kohaku stood slowly and went the doorway. Beyond the dingy stone walls, it was dark and quiet as a moonless night. He stared outside for a long moment before raising his hand like he was waving to someone outside…and she saw something move.

An unearthly howl filled the air, making the hair on her neck stand up. It was followed by ragged shrieks and wails, horrifying groans and a slick wet crunching sound that made Kagome think of bones being crushed. Then something heavy slammed into the side of the temple, dust and spiders fell from the ceiling and Kagome swallowed hard when she heard the sound of claws or teeth gnawing on the outside of the building.

"Dear gods," she whispered.

"They won't come in," Kohaku said in his dead, emotionless voice. "You don't have to worry about them right now. By daybreak, they should be calmer and we can leave. I'll take you back to the village, you can tell them everything. It…it doesn't matter what happens to me."

"What about Shiori?" Kagome asked, her voice breaking a little at what the sweet-faced girl would suffer when her husband's betrayal was exposed.

"She doesn't know anything about it," Kohaku answered. "As long as no one finds out she's a hanyou, she should be safe."

Annoyed, she got to her feet and grabbed his shoulder. "And that makes it all right for you?" she demanded. "How do you think she's going to feel when she finds out the truth? Do you think that Shiori will be happy to be safe…when she finds out that her husband is a murderer?"

He flinched as if her words had burned him. "I can't do anything about that," Kohaku said, his voice full of pain. Looking closely at him, she saw that his face was pale, the scars on his cheek stretched tight and beneath the patch that covered his eye, his skin was wet with tears.

Kagome rubbed her eyes, wishing that her headache would go away so she could think clearly. She needed to have her wits about her now or she'd sink into a morass of pain and grief. That wasn't going to be good enough, not this time.

Kohaku admitted his guilt, his betrayal. He said the words like a man with nothing left to lose and nothing left to hope for. She knew the feeling well, that lost sense of emptiness, that bitter realization that she had no control. Inuyasha…she swallowed hard just from thinking his name. Inuyasha had accused Kohaku of hiding something, of being afraid.

_I know what a man looks like when he's afraid of the dark, Kohaku. And I've seen you staring at every shadow like you've already seen your own death!_

"You haven't said why," she heard herself murmur.

He stirred, looking up at the sound of her voice. "Why?"

She really needed to be smarter than this. In the past, she'd run blindly from her own pain. Drowning it in sex, ambition, money…none of it had been the answer. Only by facing her fears…and Inuyasha…had she been able to shake off the soul-destroying shame that had consumed her life.

"You lied and betrayed us all," Kagome told him, fighting to keep the bitterness from echoing her words. "But you say you're sorry and I think you mean it. What happened to you, Kohaku? I think there's a lot you've left out of your story."

He leaned against the wall, and then slid down until he was squatting at her feet. Kohaku didn't look up, she wondered if he couldn't. It might be too much for him to say and if he had to look in her eyes while he said it, whatever control and reason that were left in this broken young man might evaporate all together.

"I suppose you deserve the truth," he said at last. "You were there, you saw what happened to my sister."

She nodded and sat down, tucking her legs under her like a little girl. "I was there. Sango wanted so much to save you, it meant everything."

"It would have been better if she'd just left me to die."

"She gave her life for you, Kohaku. I know you must feel like you're to blame…"

"No." He waved his hand suddenly, as if brushing off the bite of a hundred flies. "She…she didn't…give her life, Kagome. My sister…"

She waited, trying not to listen to the foul sounds outside the building. Kohaku rubbed his hand through his hair and sighed heavily before finally meeting her gaze.

"My sister didn't die in the fire as I told you."

Her hands went cold, shock made her tremble. "Then that thing…it really is her?"

"We survived the fall," Kohaku said softly, not answering her question. "In that pit, just above the fire…there was a small ledge, barely wide enough for two people to stand if they were holding each other. Kirara…" He swallowed hard and she saw pain etch his face again. "Her whole body was burned, she had just enough strength to dump us on that ledge before she collapsed. I was burned too, Sango had to hold me tight or I wouldn't have been able to stand."

"You said you woke in the forest, alone," Kagome murmured, picturing the brave cat. If the fire had been so intense that she, a fire-youkai, couldn't survive…

"The ledge protected us from the flames," he said almost as if he could answer her doubts. "But the air was so hot…we couldn't breathe and the fumes were like poison."

"But you lived."

He didn't seem to hear her. "I knew we wouldn't survive for more than a few minutes," he said, his voice so empty that it made her ache. "I held onto Sango, she held onto me. We knew that no one would be able to reach us in time. Even if you knew we were down there…it was already too late.

"There were demons all around us, their faces and eyes were made of fire. I thought that I was dreaming, that they were just another of Naraku's tricks. I didn't care really, I was just so tired. But Sango pushed me behind her, tried to shield me with her own body when they came near. I think she would have fought them, if she could have."

Kagome's throat was dry, her eyes were aching and she could almost see Sango, defiant to the end and defending her brother against hopeless odds. The image was so vivid, the scarlet of the fire, Sango's long hair…her eyes wide and fierce as she challenged the very demons that had come to seal her death.

His head dropped forward and Kohaku folded his arms across his knees. When he spoke again, he sounded like a little boy, the same child she'd met so very long ago.

"They asked her what she'd give to save my life. She said she'd give anything, anything at all, even her own life if it would save mine. But they didn't want it, they wanted something more."

Almost sinking in on himself, Kohaku hid his face on his arms. "Kagome…do you know how Naraku was born?"

"Yes," she whispered. "A bandit named Onigumo offered his soul to a host of demons. They devoured him and his wicked soul became Naraku's heart."

"He called himself a hanyou, a half-demon, because of that human soul," Kohaku muttered. "But it wasn't exactly true. His soul was human and corrupt, but his body was filled with demons. He became one with them, and the human that had been Onigumo was swallowed up."

"No," Kagome breathed, suddenly understanding what Kohaku was trying to say.

"You saw it for yourself, Kagome. What you saw outside was what is left of my sister. Sango offered them her soul; she knew how Naraku had become what he was. Her only demand was that they carry me out of the fire."

He went silent again, the minutes stretching out like hours until Kagome had to bite her lips to keep from screaming. The horror of what Sango had done was still sinking in, her mind and heart rejecting Kohaku's words as if that would keep the brutal truth from her reality. She had grieved for Sango, wept for her. And been overjoyed when she'd found that Kohaku had survived.

"So Sango…like Naraku…only…"

"It didn't work." Kohaku's voice was muffled, his face still hidden, still hiding from what he needed to say. "Onigumo was an evil man, his soul was just as corrupt and rotten as the life he'd lived. But my sister sacrificed herself for me, just as she would have sacrificed herself for anyone she loved. She was like that."

Reaching out, she put her hands on either side of Kohaku's face and made him look at her. "She was like that because she cared," Kagome said firmly. "Your life was more than worth any sacrifice to Sango."

He looked shocked as if her words were the last thing he'd thought to hear. She could see him trying to reject them, sink back in to the self-loathing and blame. "You said it didn't work," she said, gentle in spite of her firm grip. "Tell me what that has to do with right now."

"She's falling apart," Kohaku whispered. "They can't hold the body together, they can't do anything to make themselves whole. The demons have gone insane, attacking each other, trying to fight or run away. But they're trapped and the more they try to get free, the worse the pain becomes."

Kagome sucked in her breath with a long hiss and let her hands drop to her lap. So that was it…Sango's soul hadn't been wicked or corrupt and it had been useless to them. Desperate and greedy, they held onto her physical form because it was the only thing that kept them from disappearing. But no human body could withstand something like that, no human soul…

_A single human soul, trapped among monsters, overwhelmed by grief and terror!_

She wanted to be sick on the floor; she wanted to pound her fists against the stone until she bled. The horror was too much and Kagome realized that she'd started to rock back and forth, her arms clenched around her body as if she were the one who was being torn apart. It wasn't until Kohaku touched her shoulder that she came back to herself and met his gaze with fierce eyes.

"Sango is the soul is trapped within them, isn't it?" He nodded and Kagome clenched her fists. "You let me think it was Midoriko, you let me think that you needed me to free her! Why? Did you think I wouldn't help you if I knew it was Sango?"

The angrier she became, the more Kohaku seemed to recover himself to answer her questions directly. "I knew you'd help if you could," he said, very quiet now. "But there was nothing you could do. Her soul is bound to them, twisted inside them. If you could save her, I would have begged you for help the minute I saw you!"

He shrugged her hand away when she tried to touch him, looking cold and collected once again. His grief for his sister had opened him momentarily, brought her right to the root of his painful secrets. But he hadn't revealed anything more of his motives than she'd already guessed.

"It's not you," Kohaku said as if to hammer the point home. "Human souls are worthless to it. It's the souls of demons that feed it, their spiritual energy, and their hatred. In order for it to survive, it needs fresh demon souls constantly."

"And that's why you've been hunting them," Kagome bit out. "You destroy their bodies and it consumes their souls. But…Inuyasha was…"

Kohaku met her eyes without flinching. "Not a hanyou anymore. The stronger the youkai, the better the meal, I suppose."

She slapped him, unable to help herself. Moments ago, she'd felt every bit of his pain, now she wanted Kohaku to feel hers. "Bastard," she rasped in fury. "You brought Inuyasha here just to murder him, to feed him to that abomination!"

He rubbed his face and looked away again. "I didn't have a choice, Kagome. Just like you didn't have a choice, but I'm not blaming you for my mistakes. I know what Inuyasha did to you, and what he did to a lot of innocent people. Didn't he deserve what he got?"

_No_, her heart wailed. _He wasn't that monster anymore!_

Stepping towards the open door, she stared out into the darkness. "Maybe he did deserve it for what he did in the past," she said, her voice shaking. "But it wasn't for you to decide, Kohaku! With everything you've done to keep that…that…abomination alive, how are you any better?"

She felt his hand on her arm. "I'm not," he whispered. "It would have killed Shiori and all the people who had treated me so kindly. Five years ago…it came to me and demanded my help. Until then," his voice dropped to a rough mutter. "I thought I'd dreamed about what really happened to my sister. I told myself that she'd saved me, had Kirara take me to safety. It was what I wanted to believe."

Kagome looked over her shoulder at him. "So you killed to feed it. And you trained others to help you, giving them the excuse of protecting their loved ones from demons. How long were you planning on doing this, how long until it couldn't be satisfied by only demons?"

"You felt my sister's pain," Kohaku answered steadily. "You think I could leave her like that, tormented and in agony? I do what it wants to protect my family, but the only way to destroy it…"

Turning around, they were standing very close, almost embracing each other.

"Tell me how to kill it," she whispered.

oOo

Shippou was pissed. By the time Shiori had managed to wring the full story out of Natsu, it was full dark. Of course the man would use that as an excuse not to leave. That had meant one more uncomfortable night in the youkai hunters' village, feeling the distrustful eyes of the humans watching him every time he so much as reached up to scratch his nose.

As it turned out, Natsu didn't know as much as they'd hoped.

"Hells above!" the scarred man thundered at tiny Shiori. "I don't know why he's doing it. I only know where he goes, not why!"

Shiori growled at him and for a long moment, Shippou wondered if some of her hyakki bat heritage was going to make itself shown. Her violet eyes sparkled in the light of her cooking fire, the angry way she slung rice into boiling water made Rin's eyes go wide. Hot water splashed the burning embers and made a hiss that was half threat and half innocent steam.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," she scolded and Natsu had to duck as the radish she was chopping suddenly flew across the room. "If you knew Kohaku was up to something dangerous, why didn't you come to me?"

"Everything's dangerous," the man said, slinking against the wall as if he'd rather be facing those dangerous things instead of a furious girl-woman. "He kept it from you for your own good, Shiori! You know you don't like talk about killin' and such…"

Sighing in disgust, Shiori began putting the vegetables in a pot to simmer. Rin had offered to help prepare the meal, but one look in Shiori's eyes had made her retreat. She sat as close to Shippou's side as she could manage, hugging her knees and watching the delicate hanyou girl tear strips out of the big man.

"If my mother were here, she'd never forgive this, Natsu."

"Shiori…" Natsu picked restlessly at a tear in his sleeve. He didn't like being reminded of how much he owed her, and her kindly mother. But he owed more loyalty to Kohaku. The last thing he wanted was for the boss to find out he'd spilled his guts. He supposed it was a long time coming, Shiori being no fool and Kohaku acting more desperate and pushed than ever.

"Um…Natsu-san?"

He jerked in surprise when Rin addressed him, her tone polite enough for a demon's wench…or whatever she was. Kohaku had told him that it was a damned good thing Kaede-sama had intervened. If Rin had been hurt, there would have been no stopping the entire inuyoukai army from taking vengeance.

"Yeah," he said warily.

Rin smiled brightly; ready to coax words from this man if it meant getting closer to the truth. She remembered what he'd done and what he'd said…telling her he was going to cut out Shippou's tongue…but now she couldn't help but pity him. His past, his deference to Shiori and his loyalty to Kohaku didn't make him an evil man in her eyes.

"Do you know what Kohaku wanted with Kagome and Inuyasha?" she asked directly. He flushed and ducked his head, but she kept her smile and her tone light, as if she were only asking about his preference for vegetables instead of rice.

"You must know something, he trusted you enough to take you to his secret place. But there is no priestess there, so why would he take Kagome to see someone who doesn't exist."

"Ain't about the woman," Natsu said gruffly. "It's about that damned dog."

"Inuyasha?" Shippou stared at Natsu accusingly. "What about him? If Kohaku wanted to use him against Sesshomaru, he didn't have to work this hard."

Natsu chuckled suddenly, shaking his head. "You some kinda fool, boy?" he sneered. "Don't you know what we do with demons, thought you woulda remembered better than that!"

"I don't believe it's just because he's a youkai," Shiori said flatly, although her cheeks were stained red by now. "He…he doesn't hate all youkai. He just wants to protect the people of this village."

Shrugging, Natsu didn't meet her eyes. "I don't know what it is," he said at last. "I just know I ain't going anywhere near it."

Shippou's lip curled. "Coward."

Natsu glared at him. "You don't know what you're talking about, brat. That thing…it stinks of evil. And whatever it is, Kohaku is trying to put an end to it. That boy might have his own way of doing things, but he ain't about to sit on his ass when people are dying around him!"

"Did he need Inuyasha to help him?" Rin asked quietly. She nudged Shippou with her elbow, silently asking him to keep his tongue. "You knew it was about him, he was angry that you hadn't kept Inuyasha from leaving."

"Maybe."

She pursued him like the sole voice of reason. "This evil…it's the same presence we felt before. Kohaku knew more than he told Kagome, he knew where to find it." She paused, then met Shippou's eyes and pressed her lips into a bitter line.

"He was using it. He used it to attack Inuyasha."

There was a clatter and they turned to look at Shiori. The bowl she'd been hold was broken on the floor, crushed like her belief in her husband. "Using that thing to drive youkai from the forest," she whispered. "So they'd attack, so that our people would be forced to kill them, hunt them down. Even if they were innocent, like Kouga's wolves or the inuyoukai from the West."

Natsu looked abashed, trying to avoid her accusing gaze. "Shiori…"

"It's true, isn't it?" Rin and Shippou glanced at each other when Kohaku's pregnant wife went to kneel beside Natsu. "He set them on this village last night," she said, her heart breaking. "So that no one would notice what he was doing, so that he'd have a chance to separate Inuyasha and Kagome from the rest of us. He even poisoned Shippou to keep him from being able to fight…"

She shuddered. "How many died in the forest?"

Dropping his head, Natsu stared at the floor. "The mercenaries, deserters most likely. The ones he kept away from the men that have wives and children here. He tried to send them back, but they didn't leave. Too fired up, too eager to kill. Men like that…I don't know, Shiori."

Rin cleared her throat. "You think that Inuyasha was his target the whole time? Natsu, if there's anything you can tell us…about Inuyasha…or Kagome."

"He wouldn't hurt that woman," Natsu muttered. "He just said…he had to do this. There wasn't no other way to kill this thing before he couldn't control it anymore. No one was ever gonna be safe unless he could destroy it, but…the only way…"

Natsu rubbed his neck, meeting the girl's eyes and too ashamed to face Shiori now.

"That Inuyasha…he had to die."

oOo

Long after Kohaku had gone silent, but long before the frenzy outside started to quiet, Kagome huddled in a corner of the ruined temple…trying to organize her thoughts. And keep herself from the panic that gnawed at her heart every time she thought about Inuyasha.

She was tired, bone tired actually. Weary from the soles of her feet to the top of her head. They'd forced themselves to a brutal march to get here and she had to admit it had been days since she'd gotten much sleep. Not to mention that the previous night, she'd certainly not rested when she'd been with Inuyasha.

But it was more than that. Right now she could feel herself just giving up inside. Learning the true fate of Sango and Kohaku had broken her heart, losing Inuyasha…after she'd given her heart to him all over again…left her with a burning numbness that seemed to chill her very blood.

What did it matter anymore? She'd lost him, she'd never go home again, never be able to put the pieces back into place. It was a sadistic hand of fate that had guided her to this place and Kagome was far too exhausted to even feel bitter about it. Her life on the other side of the well had been the real nightmare and she knew, deep inside her battered heart…that she wouldn't be able to become that woman again.

"What am I supposed to do?" she whispered, barely moving her lips as she pressed her forehead to her knees. Tears she couldn't feel slid from her eyes, but she didn't really weep, badly as she needed to. Kagome knew that she'd come to a place where she was finally, truly lost.

_Tell me how to kill it_…

She hadn't known what she was asking. Kohaku flinched and turned away, trying to avoid her in the confined space. He paced back and forth, rubbing his face with his hands until she wondered if he was trying to erase his own shame. She appreciated the futile effort just the same, understanding exactly how it felt to be so lost that even your own skin feels drenched in betrayal.

"I wasn't planning on telling you anything," he confessed. Kagome met his gaze steadily, urging him to continue. "I'd been beating my head against a wall, trying to find a way to get you out of the way, but I knew he'd never follow me unless you were there."

"If you're trying to make me forget what I asked, you're going the wrong way," she said, her tone thinly veiled contempt. "Reminding me that you used me…that he died because he wouldn't leave me…isn't going to work."

Kohaku glared at her. "Just leave it alone," he muttered. "Let me finish it, Kagome. I said I'd take you back to the village, you'll be safe from it there."

"No," she told him in a hard voice that had made men cower. "You said you'd take me back, but you aren't going to stay and face what you've done. You never intended to go home after this, did you? You're just going to leave me to break your wife's heart!"

"I have to kill it!" Kohaku shouted. "I can't leave Sango like this!" He took a deep breath and leveled an accusing glare at Kagome. "I thought you of all people would understand that."

"Why?" She was ready to make demands, as long as they were trapped in here together, he couldn't get away from her questions, from his guilt. He'd used her, used Inuyasha's love for her, as the weapon to betray and deceive them both.

The hell she'd let him off easy!

"Let's review," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she started to mock him by pacing the floor just as he had. "You were forced to help it, I understand that. I can even understand why you deceived Shiori and the other youkai hunters of your village and also why you couldn't tell anyone what really happened to your sister."

Kagome took a deep breath and let it out slowly, calming herself. "Explain to me why it had to be Inuyasha? Why was he the prize you were willing to sacrifice everything for? What made his…his death so important to your plan?"

"Not his death," Kohaku murmured. "He was stronger than other youkai, much stronger. His youki, his hanyou past, his daiyoukai bloodline…it made him exactly what they want…what they need."

Distracted, Kohaku stared at the dark doorway. "Especially the fact that he'd used the Shikon no Tama…they could still taste that jewel's corruption even if they didn't have its power."

Curling her lips into a sneer, Kagome stopped her restless pacing and snapped her fingers under Kohaku's nose. "I asked you why," she said coldly. "Not why _they_ wanted him, but why _you_ went along with it. If you didn't feed that thing…"

"I can't kill it as it is," Kohaku said bitterly. "Remember Naraku? Remember how his body would break apart, but every time he would survive? It wasn't until you were able to destroy his heart that his body became vulnerable."

"I didn't," she began, remembering how Kikyou had sacrificed herself to destroy Naraku.

Kohaku waved his hand, still twitching restlessly as if insects were gnawing at his flesh. "This thing doesn't have Naraku's power, but it doesn't have his weakness either. I can tear at it all day and it won't make a difference. It won't die; it just goes wild from its own pain and hatred. Stalking the forest, killing and devouring anything or anyone it finds."

"You said human souls were worthless to it," she murmured. "Why attack them?"

He looked over at her, his expression bleak. "What would you do, Kagome? What would you do if you were trapped, insane, in terror and agony? It lashes out like a child, but it's a vicious monster of a child just the same."

Pained, she closed her eyes. "That's why you won't leave it." She finally understood. Kohaku's love for his sister wouldn't let him leave her like this, not part of a bloodthirsty horde. And innocent people would suffer greatly from what was allowed to ravage unchecked. Suddenly she could understand his position to help it destroy youkai instead…if there was way to end it for good.

But he still hadn't answered her, not really. "So what will it do now?"

"Now?"

She swallowed hard; Inuyasha would want her to be strong. "Now that it has what it wanted."

"It needed the souls of demons to help keep its body together," Kohaku said, his voice filled with regret. "But if I could find it a better body, a stronger body, it could become whole again. Unlike Naraku, it won't be able to continuously rebuild that body. Instead of becoming its heart, Sango's soul will just be absorbed into the mass of them."

Kagome was horrified. "Why would you want that?"

Smiling bitterly, Kohaku shook his head at her misunderstanding. "Because then when it dies, so will she. Death is the only peace I can give her now."

It made a sick kind of sense. To free his sister's tormented soul, he had to kill the beast, the monster that had tried unsuccessfully to join with her. For that to happen, Kohaku had needed to make it stronger, more powerful so that it would be able to hold its ragged physical form. That Inuyasha's soul, in fact his very flesh, had needed to be consumed in order to accomplish this made Kagome more than a little nauseated.

"I think you're forgetting something," she said miserably.

Kohaku looked at her, but kept silent with her words hanging between them like a shadow. When he didn't ask, she cleared her throat and wished again that her head would stop pounding, her legs would stop shaking, and her tired body would just collapse before she had to tell him why his plan was so doomed to fail.

"You're forgetting why Inuyasha used the jewel," she said softly. "He went insane from it, yes. But he also became so much more powerful, a pureblooded daiyoukai like Sesshomaru. What if you can't destroy it?"

An evil monster like Naraku, so full of hate and cruelty, but with the strength of Inuyasha or Sesshomaru…it might be almost impossible to kill.

"I've thought of that," Kohaku said. Kagome's heart chilled at the dead tone of his voice, like that of a man who'd already murdered his own future. "Why do you think I directed it towards strong youkai like Kouga and Sesshomaru? They were forced to become allies in order to fight off the attacks. I already know that I probably won't be able to kill this thing alone."

That he'd planned ahead even for this took her breath away. "Are you saying you deliberately attacked them so they'd have to join forces, so they'd need each other to keep their territories safe?"

"I considered the possibility that I'd need them later," he said simply. "Even if I hadn't been able to get to Inuyasha himself, I had to plan ahead. I couldn't ignore the possibility that it would turn on me, that I might die before I could finish it off. If that happened…"

Kagome sighed heavily. "And you knew that if you approached either of them, they wouldn't believe you."

At the very best, Sesshomaru would have dismissed the youkai hunters purely out of dislike. Kouga, on the other hand, wouldn't have been willing to risk his limited resources to eliminate what hadn't threatened him. By attacking them both over and over, slaughtering their people without cause or remorse, Kohaku had made possible an uneasy alliance and implausible truce between the most powerful youkai left alive.

"And now, with you here, it's finally come together," Kohaku said. "You will return to the village, Kagome. You will be the one to tell Shippou and Rin what I've done and why. Together, they will be able to persuade Sesshomaru and Kouga to hunt this monster down, no matter the cost."

Sadly, she shook her head. Not to deny his words, but to deny the finality of what he'd done. He'd as good as murdered Inuyasha, but her heart was breaking for them all now. Even for Kohaku, who had orchestrated his own death with the precision of a master strategist.

And for Shiori, whose child would grow up thinking that his or her father had been a murderer and a liar.

She couldn't help but pity him, just as she couldn't help but grieve for what she'd lost, what they all had lost. Instead of hatred, she felt her heart overwhelmed by a need for solace, desire to right what had gone so wrong. Kohaku's choices were made by desperation and now they walked together on the same dark path of ruin and redemption. She knew where that path would lead.

No wonder she pitied them all.

oOo

Wandering in the dark forest, she was searching for him. The branches seemed to close in around her body, the leaves were tipped with silver. Kagome didn't remember how she'd gotten separated from the others, but it was a frightening thing to be alone.

_Inuyasha, where are you? Sango, Miroku…why did you leave me alone?_

It was cold, she kept rubbing her arms to drive away the numbness. It didn't seem right for the air to be so chilly, the trees looked lush as spring, but their bright green color had the sheen of ice. And when she walked, her feet sank into the muck and sticky mud squished between her toes.

She didn't know when she'd lost her shoes and socks either…Mama was going to be upset if she couldn't bring her things home…

Kagome stopped, suddenly breathing hard. She didn't know where she was, or how she'd gotten there. But she remembered one thing and without thinking, her hand went to her red school tie. Decisive this time, she yanked it off and let the scarlet fabric flutter to the ground, finally disappearing into the shadows.

"I'm not fifteen anymore," she whispered as the forest went dark around her. "You're going to have to do better than that if you want to scare me!"

Like a door had been slammed shut in her mind, Kagome found herself in a different place. This time gray mist swept across her legs and she could feel the heaviness of her hakama weighing on her hips. Dressed as a priestess again, she was somehow not surprised.

_Did you want to see him?_

Her mouth went dry and Kagome found herself watching Inuyasha. She could see him surrounded by lush forest, birds cheeping sleepily on a warm afternoon. The sunlight glistened on his bare shoulders, the strong curve of his back. She could see him, but he wasn't looking at her. Instead all of his attention was for the woman in his arms.

_Was this a memory?_

They made love slowly, languidly as if they didn't have a care in the world. Kagome's lip was caught between her teeth, hearing gasp, hearing his voice as it called out in passion. The long slender legs wrapped over his hips could have been hers, the pale hands that clasped his arms could have belonged to anyone. The woman's face was hidden by Inuyasha's long hair, as if by a bridal veil on a passionate wedding night.

It wasn't her face and Kagome's throat tightened. No, Inuyasha hadn't shown her such tenderness back then. It wasn't until she'd returned and faced the man that he had become…the Inuyasha of her past hadn't been gentle at all.

"That's not me," she said quietly, speaking almost in a whisper. Her heart wasn't moved as she stared down at Kikyou's face, her usually pale features flushed, her arms clutching Inuyasha tightly. She watched them for a few moments longer, wistful almost, of the gentle, passionate embrace. Then Kagome planted her hands on her hips and stared up at a sparkling blue sky.

"You're going to have to do a lot better than that," she said, as if a conversation with the unseen had become unremarkable. "I'm over it. I'm not her and she's not me. He loved us both, and you know what?"

Her lips curved in a mocking smile. "I'm glad that he loved her. I'm not that jealous, insecure little girl anymore. That he loved her does not mean that he loves me less."

There was a long silence, the air heavy and cool as it brushed over her cheeks and played with the ends of her hair. Kagome waited, watching passively as the sky paled and the trees darkened and the images of Inuyasha and Kikyou faded away like mist on glass.

"You've grown, Kagome. I am impressed."

Miroku's voice didn't make her jump, tense as she was, but it sent an almost shiver down her back just the same. Like the ghost of a lover, his voice was bittersweet and clung to the back of her throat like unshed tears.

"I'm not here to impress anyone." She knew if she turned around, he wouldn't be there…not really. She was inside the hallucination this time, not looking at it from a place where reality was firm beneath her feet. Kagome had had her share of dreams and nightmares, the waking ones that sent her pulse soaring, the dark ones of night that made her beg for consciousness.

She was dreaming even now, but this time she'd come for answers.

"We are all a dream inside your dreams," Miroku whispered from behind. A warm hand touched her shoulder, stroked her hair from her throat. "Have you come here because you've given up?"

She closed her eyes. "I haven't come here to play dead."

"Are you asking for forgiveness?"

"No."

Hands slipped from her shoulders, caressed their way up the sides of her face until they rested over her eyes. Blinded for so many years, Kagome knew better than to be afraid of what she couldn't see. Colors danced in the darkness, a pulsing light that echoed her own heartbeat. Kagome inhaled and tasted wildflowers, sun and water, earth and salt. Against her trembling lips, one of his fingers traced her name, Inuyasha's name, and one that was not so familiar.

"I know who you are," she murmured.

Turning around, Kagome opened her eyes.

A tiny woman, wizened by age and her face creased by many years. Her long hair, white as snow, trailed from her shoulders to pool around her feet. Her eyes were very dark, alive almost, and when she smiled…Kagome had the overwhelming urge to kneel down and rest her head in the old woman's lap.

And found herself doing exactly that.

The woman smelled of flowers and rain, not at all what she'd expected. Her hand on Kagome's hair was light and frail, as if it had never known hardship, fought battles, or held a sword. She understood at last, it was never about righteous conflict or power. It wasn't for the sake of innocents or the destiny of a warrior maiden who had sacrificed everything for what she believed in.

There was no hatred, no attrition between a priestess and a host of demons. Their souls had tangled together in an undulating dance of darkness and light, the absolute corruption of the first demon meeting the absolute purity of one single human's soul. It wasn't about an endless battle.

It was about balance. It was the Shikon no Tama.

"So you've been inside me this whole time," she whispered.

"Midoriko."

oOo

Consciousness returned slowly this time and she felt remarkably rested. A sense of peace settled over her, a timelessness that wasn't alarmed or ashamed of the mistakes she'd made in the past. Even the air smelled fresher and when she turned her head, she saw that she was alone. The doorway of the fallen down temple was several shades lighter, as if the sky had grudgingly given over from darkness to the promise of dawn.

Kohaku was nowhere to be seen and Kagome took that to mean that the danger must have passed. He'd said that the demons would be calmer by dawn, exhausted perhaps, from their orgy of bloodlust. She felt much calmer herself, all the grief and anger had been washed away, replaced by a sound sense of duty.

She knew what needed to be done. She would help Kohaku kill this thing that had taken his sister and that had now taken Inuyasha. After that…she didn't know what would happen. Kagome knew that she could flail and weep, fearful of the future and refuse to face the fact that he was gone…forever.

Could she forgive Kohaku for what he had done…she wasn't sure she wanted to even consider it right now. Her heart was horrified by his soul-wrenching manipulation, but it was also sadly touched by his naked desperation. She had been able to escape from her own nightmare, at least physically. But Kohaku had lived within his own hell, facing the monster that had consumed his sister, tasting his own helplessness and defeat until it was more than he could stand.

What would she have become if she'd stayed on this side of the well? Would she have become an ultimate victim, staring with blank eyes at Inuyasha's atrocities until something inside her finally snapped? Would she have gone to any length, committed her own version of his crimes, in a futile effort to save him or at least join him in his damned descent?

Or would she have found another way and tried to heal him. Would she have found a way to bring him back to his own soul and if so…what would she have been willing to sacrifice for his redemption? Would her body had held together long enough to see him sane, or would he have completely given over to madness once he'd stood over her corpse?

Those were the kinds of choices that Kohaku had faced.

The time for choices was over, it was time to act. Kagome stood up and stretched, working the kinks out of her shoulders. Sleeping on a hard stone floor had made her body ache, but she was already focusing past the pain. She twisted her filthy hair into a knot at the back of her neck and pulled her clothing into place before stepping to the doorway.

They'd had passed a spring on the way to the temple, she remembered because she'd slipped on the soft ground, heard the faint burble of a nearby stream. Then Inuyasha had helped her to her feet, his hands like a warm promise on hers and just for a moment, he'd stolen a quick embrace…

_I'm not going to think about that_, she told herself as her throat tightened. Right now, she just wanted some water so she could wash her hands and face. She wanted to do something, anything that would make this level of sacrifice have some meaning. Kohaku was prepared to give his life, but in the back of her mind, Kagome wasn't sure she was going to let him do it.

It would be better if he lived with his mistakes and his crimes, but she didn't wish it upon him for revenge. She wanted him to grow past this, be a father to his child and a husband to his wife. There had been enough death, enough heartbreak and anger. And damn it, she needed to have an ending to it for herself.

The right ending this time, nothing else would do. It might not be a storybook ending, one with a prince and a princess living happily ever after, but one with resolution, hard lessons learned and sacrifices made…but for the right reasons, for the right outcome. If she could have that, she might have some kind of peace.

And nothing less would honor her memory of Inuyasha. Not for the boy that had lost himself and not even for the man who wanted to atone for his unremembered past…but for the person he had been born to be. Strong and honest, quick-tempered perhaps, but also protective of those weaker than himself and inside…as tender and loving as any woman could have wanted.

Outside, the sky was becoming lighter, a pale gray that was only just tinged by the pinkish color of dawn. With a sigh, she headed down the hill and towards the edge of the forest. She wondered again why Kohaku wasn't waiting outside. He'd promised to take her back to the village, but he couldn't know that she had decided to help him. She supposed that he had his own inner demons to face, coping with his decisions and actions.

She wasn't going to help him because of pity, or because she wanted to make herself feel better. She was going to do it for Inuyasha…because that was what he would have wanted. For her to be strong, for her to be brave and also for her to right what had gone wrong.

_Kagome_…

As she entered the forest, she thought she heard her name. Kagome turned around and eyed the brush warily, not sure what to do. It had been so faint…

_Kagome…please_…

She knelt beside the stream, finding the water cold and pure as fresh snow. Bathing her hands, her wrists, all the way up her arms…the dirt and grime peeled away until she could see her skin turning pink. Her face was next, her neck, the curve of her throat. Without soap or even a rag to use for washing, she rubbed and scrubbed with her fingers until her cheeks started to tingle like new love's first blush.

_Listen to me…Kagome_….

Suddenly dizzy, she sat back on her heels and stared at the water. Memories of her strange dreams flooded her mind and she needed a few moments to sort it out. The smell of rain and wildflowers haunted her and Kagome felt a tear slip down her cheek. Midoriko…what was it that she'd said?

_Trust in yourself, Kagome. Trust him as well. When the time comes, you'll know what you need to do_.

"I will trust myself," she whispered. That Midoriko had revealed herself at last, that the ancient priestess had chosen Kagome as the hiding place for her soul and her power…she'd been given a great gift of trust. She understood instinctively what that meant…she must protect that pure soul.

Only with Midoriko's spiritual strength would they be able to put an end to the madness and evil that had tormented those she loved.

Resolved, she got to her feet and dried her hands on the cleanest part of her hakama. She was ready for this, she had to be.

But she still felt uneasy, as if something was not right. No, as if something was very wrong. Worried, she looked around at the quiet forest and wished that she could hear the sound of a bird, or even the creak of a cricket. It was too quiet, as if even the trees were holding their breath…waiting…

She'd go back to the temple, but Kagome resolved to not set foot inside. She'd wait for Kohaku, talk to him about his plan. Maybe she could make him see reason, see that he didn't have to die to get the help they were going to need. Kagome had thought hard about it, she knew that Kouga and Ayame would be willing to listen once they knew the truth. If they heard it from her, if she was resolved enough, they might be able to get past the crimes that Kohaku had committed.

It wouldn't be that simple for Sesshomaru…she knew he was going to be livid over Inuyasha's death. But still, she thought he might listen to her. Against the odds, she had gotten him to hear her before. Perhaps she'd be able to convince him, with Rin's help, to lay aside his vengeance…at least until their immediate threat had been resolved.

The branches and brush of the wild forest seemed thicker and Kagome couldn't remember how she'd gotten to the stream. It was as if her mind was playing tricks on her, telling her to turn this way or that, until she suddenly felt so confused that she knew she'd lost her way. Refusing to panic, she began to search for the stream again, thinking to follow it.

Nothing looked familiar and Kagome stamped her foot in frustration. She felt like a fool, getting herself lost at such a time. Grumbling a bit, she shoved her way through the thick brush as if mere vegetation didn't have the right to confound her. There was so much at stake, so much she needed to do. It was really a bit ridiculous that she couldn't even…

Kagome cried out as she stumbled, her ankle turned and she went down with an undignified thump. Groaning to herself, she felt useless, foolish, and worst of all…helpless. Now wasn't the time to break down and cry though. It looked like she was going to be limping around in circles until she either found her way, or Kohaku came in search of her. She hoped he'd search for her and not just assume that she'd run off like a scared rabbit.

Struggling, she managed to pull herself up again and was reaching for the nearest branch when a hand caught her elbow. Kagome yelped as she was suddenly lifted, swung around and set down again in one swift movement. Hard arms encircled her, pulled her into an embrace so tight that she couldn't breathe.

"Found you," he whispered in her ear.

Kagome gasped, twisting in his arms until she could face him. He let her struggle uselessly, smiling against the back of her neck until at last, he let her go. She staggered backwards, almost falling again when her weak ankle didn't want to support her. She'd twisted it once before already, but this time she couldn't even feel pain…she was too shocked.

"Inuyasha?" she whispered, not believing what she was seeing.

He licked his lips, his eyes like burning sulfur. "Thought you could run away from me," he said, his voice sounding oddly strained. "Already told you I'd kill us both before I'd let you go."

Her stomach lurched at the look in his eyes and she backed away from him. "I saw you die."

Mouth twisting into a distorted smile, he looked wild. His hair was a bloodstained tangle, his haori looked like it had been gnawed by rats and the sleeves were shredded. She could see blood and scratches on his arms, at some point he must have tried to fend them off, fight to survive.

"You're not Inuyasha," she whispered.

_But if I could find it a better body, a stronger body, it could become whole again_…

Kohaku's words came back to her and Kagome felt her knees suddenly give way. Quick as violence, sure as death, he was on her, shoving her hard against the nearest tree and his breath like hot murder against her throat.

His hands were on her body now, rough and demanding. It made her sick and Kagome shook with anger, knowing that Inuyasha must have resisted, must have fought back against them this time. Knowing what would happen, knowing what he was about to become, he would have fought with every last ounce of his being and to the very last shred of his soul.

One look into his burning mad eyes told her that he hadn't won.


	35. ThirtyFive

_**Possession 35**_

_One look into his burning eyes told her that he hadn't won_.

Kagome screamed and pushed away from Inuyasha with all her strength, twisting in his grasp like sparrow in the claws of a hawk. He shouted a laugh, clearly delighted by her resistance and slammed her hard into a tree. Her head snapped back and for a long moment, all she could feel was sickening pain. Darkness rushed over her, a welcome sensation as her mind reeled and went blank, numbness rising over her body like a fatal tide of oblivion.

He was going to tear her apart. Swift unconsciousness was the best that she could hope for, her death would be quick.

_Kagome_…

Somewhere, someone called her name.

_Kill me before I touch you again!_

Wrenching herself away from the abyss, she opened her eyes to stare straight into the face of what had murdered Inuyasha.

"I thought you were going to pass out," he hissed, grinding his teeth in a hateful smile. "That really pissed me off, bitch."

His face was the mask of her darkest nightmares, twisted beyond recognition and flushed with malicious desire. The violet markings on his cheeks were almost black now, gashes of the darkness within his body. The eyes were scarlet fire, wide and rimmed with blood, pupils contracted into slivers of midnight. Even his lips were bloody, gouged by long fangs that glittered against the split and swollen flesh of his mouth.

A monster…he scared her right down to the pit of her soul where the terror had never really gone away. This was what she'd been running from for the last ten years. In despair and loathing, in shame and sorrow, she had run away to preserve what was left of her body and heart. Only to find that there had been no escape for her, no safe place to hide from what hunted her past and would haunt her future until she was finally dragged back to face…him.

"You're not Inuyasha," she whispered again, steady within her abject terror.

Growling, he seized her hair and twisted viciously until she shrieked in pain. He dragged her away from the tree and flung her to the ground, crouching over her when she tried to crawl away. Hard fingers seized her by the collar of her kosode, wrenching her to her knees while her arms flailed at him helplessly.

"Not Inuyasha?" His words smelled of sulfur, heavy and suffocating as he twisted her collar until the fabric choked her. "Bitch, you couldn't tell the difference!"

"Can…" she gasped, stars bursting in her vision. "Not him…bastard!"

The pressure on her throat eased when he let go and Kagome collapsed, coughing as spasms of pain wracked her body. He was going to kill her, probably rape her first or maybe not, maybe after she was dead. Her stomach knotted and her mind recoiled from the image of him ravaging her corpse until it was no longer recognizable as anything human.

"Don't tempt me," he growled and she started, twisting around to stare at him. He loomed over her, threatening and dark against the brilliant morning sky. Inuyasha scowled into her eyes, pinning her as she waited for another blow. Instead, he reached out to trace the line of her cheek with his fingertips until she flinched away and averted her gaze.

"We've waited a long time to have you again," he said, his voice sounding sick with malice. "A long time to be trapped, sealed inside this body. First the jewel, then almost freedom, just a taste before he tried to destroy us. All because of you, bitch, because he wouldn't let us eat your soul!"

Eat her…soul?

"I don't understand," she whispered. "You could have killed me, you tried…"

His fist slammed in the ground, barely inches from her face. "Not you!" the demon shouted, furious to the point of incoherence. "Not you, not you! You are nothing! We want _her_!"

Realization caught her, made her tremble deeply as if the core of her body was shaking. They knew! It was Midoriko they wanted…her they lusted to destroy. All this time, she'd thought that Inuyasha's demon blood had turned him to madness from his use of the Shikon no Tama, but in truth…Inuyasha had never used the jewel.

The balance that had held the power of the Shikon no Tama had ruptured before Inuyasha could use it, constrained by her rosary the last time she uttered the incantation. In anger, she'd used it. Vindictive about his perceived betrayal, Kagome had set them on the path to this ruin.

Once released from the destroyed jewel, Midoriko's soul fled, taking refuge within Kagome's heart. Nowhere else to go, lacking a body of their own…the demons of the jewel had overtaken Inuyasha, forcing him from hanyou to full youkai when his blood desperately tried to fight their invasion.

To protect her, Kagome, from their revenge against Midoriko…Inuyasha had sacrificed himself.

Her face must have given something away because she saw his expression twist, bending from rage to a predatory glee.

"We have you this time," he whispered, licking his lips again. Sliding hot hands down her arms, his claws snagged on her sleeves and she heard the fabric rip, as surely as she would soon hear her own flesh shred from his touch. Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, unable to stand the sight of him, the pulse of her own dark fears like a heartbeat against her eyelids.

This was it, she was going to die and nothing could stop him…

_Stop him!_

"So it was never Inuyasha," she said, surprised to hear her voice sound so calm. "All this time I thought he'd turned against me, but it was a lie."

"Does that matter to you?" His voice turned mocking and she jumped when she felt the demon's long tongue slide between her breasts. Forcing herself to look at him, Kagome again felt that deadly stillness, a fatal calm that resolved to give this monster nothing of herself, not even in death.

"Of course it matters." Kagome stared at the sky, unconcerned when she felt him pawing at her skin, playing with her as a cat plays with a mouse. "At least I can die in peace now that I know he wasn't responsible for anything he did to me."

Grinning widely, he grabbed her wrists and pinned them on either side, straddling her as he bent close to her face. Their faces were so close that she could have bumped her nose against his, and Kagome thought she might have said the wrong thing if made him look this happy.

"Die in peace?" he said, biting the words off savagely. "Don't think so, you've caused us far too much trouble. You will die screaming, woman. It will be the last sound you hear before we make a feast of your body."

She must be insane because she should be catatonic with terror by now. Far away from the paralyzing fear, Kagome was floating, disconnected from the threat of torture and death. It must be only an illusion, she was sure that her icy calm would burn away once he started tearing into her.

"I'm sure you're right," she replied, not missing his scowl when she refused to beg or plead. "At least it will be quick. You won't be able to hold back, not after so many years of frustration and failure."

Her words were meant to provoke him, she was sure of it. Provoke the monster to murder her quickly instead of savoring her agony. There had to be a reason, no, _Midoriko_ had to have a reason and a better one that just trying to save Kagome from a painful death.

In any case, it worked quite well.

Snarling with incoherent fury again, the demon seized Kagome by the throat, ready to squeeze the life from her body as easy as a boy might crush an insect. It was always going to end like this, always. She'd managed to survive without him, but it had been a half-life of lies and manipulation. This time, Kagome shivered inside, this time Inuyasha was already gone and she could follow.

_I love you. I would have died for you, Inuyasha!_

The hands on her neck didn't move, didn't wrench the life from her body. Frozen between one moment and the next, with life on one side and death waiting on the other, again she couldn't move forward without him. A harsh and ragged sound washed across her cheeks and tremors shook her until she had to open her eyes again.

Panting heavily, Inuyasha stared down at her with a desperate and pained expression on his face that she hadn't seen for ten years. He looked as horrified as if the world had become torn between reality and harsh dreams. That lost face, the deep trembling that shook his arms…she'd seen it before.

After he'd taken her until she was exhausted and drifting, with his sweat slicking her skin and their climax like a raw wound between their bodies. Then she'd catch a glimpse of his naked horror, disgust at what he had done and would do again. She'd blocked that face from her memories, thinking it a dream, thinking that only her hatred could protect her, that to feel anything else for him was her failure and her weakness…

Like a woman beaten so often that she learned to think of it as love, Kagome blocked those feelings from her heart. It had turned her stomach, wanting to believe that there was something behind all that pain. Better to banish them both to hell than to give herself a moment of consolation.

"Inuyasha?" she whispered, not daring to hope.

The mask shattered. Fury like a physical force raged over her, a sweltering aura of desperation and loathing. Lips pulled in a snarl; the thing that was not-Inuyasha swam to the surface and stared murderously down at her.

**After all this time, we still can't kill her!**

The words echoed in her mind, like a scream heard across great distance. He was beyond speaking now, and she was unable to defend herself when the demon rolled her body facedown and started clawing at her hakama. It hurt, his claws gouged her skin and she finally cried out when he seized her hips and shoved her knees apart in a single move.

**We can't kill her, but we can make her wish that she were dead!**

This wasn't going to be like the past. Not like when a naïve girl let herself be seduced, ruined by her doomed lover. Not like when she would have given every bit of herself to soothe his torment, to fill the howling void inside him, reaching him only during sex…but this would not be sex. Not for either of them.

This would be absolute violation and Kagome knew she'd be begging for a death that he wouldn't give her before he was finished.

"Leave her alone!"

Kagome cried out and rolled to the side, covering her face when a fight erupted over her head. A slim, dark figure grappled with the demon, landing vicious blows to his face, pummeling him until the beast that had nearly violated her finally staggered, blood running down his face.

_Kohaku!_

"I thought I made it clear," the exterminator snarled, "that she wasn't part of the deal!"

Inuyasha shook his head, still glaring pure murder, but not raising his hands to fight back. His eyes glowed, the irises more crimson than a dying sunset and slowly, the split lips pulled into a wicked leer.

"Not part of the deal?" he hissed. "We don't remember making a deal with you, boy. That woman is ours even if we can't kill her yet."

Kohaku backed away, the aura of menace emitting from Inuyasha's body was almost palpable, thickening the air and turning it sodden with violence. "You did make a deal," the young man said, his voice nearly as harsh as the demon's. "You struck a bargain for your own survival, but Kagome isn't part of it!"

"No?" Inuyasha licked his lips, savoring the taste of blood. "This body is part of your bargain, which makes her part of it as well. We have agreed…to share."

Grimacing, Kohaku pulled his weapon and held out his other hand to Kagome. "Get up," he muttered, not looking at her. "Stay behind me, don't look at them. I'm not going to let them hurt you, not now, not ever."

Kagome was confused, her head ached as if someone had used it for a battering ram and she needed to think. "Why are you defending me?" she whispered, her hands on Kohaku's back as he tried to keep the distance between her and the advancing monster.

"His bargain isn't with me," he muttered. "It's with her."

"Her?" A chill ran down Kagome's spine, remembering how Inuyasha had fallen under a host of ravenous demons, how Kohaku had lured them here just to be consumed by the wild demon souls that had ensnared his sister's spirit. They wanted a body they could use, Inuyasha's body, to free themselves from Sango's desiccated corpse.

A real body, full of life and powerful, one that had tasted the corruption of the Shikon no Tama…

"Oh my god," Kagome whispered as a frail, wasted figure emerged from the forest. Eyes mercifully closed, Sango's face was still horrifying and the smell of decay followed her like a poisonous cloud. The parchment-like skin was pale as bone, peeling around her eyes and lips, hanging from her throat in shreds.

Kagome hadn't seen her closely before and now turned away to keep from being sick on the ground. She felt Kohaku shudder when the creature came closer to them, reaching out towards Kohaku with a skeletal hand.

_**Brother**_…

"I'm not your brother," she heard him whisper. "My sister is dead. You're just what she left behind…and I swore to help you, remember?"

The hand retreated and Kagome caught her breath. Now it made sense to her, a horrible sense. The thing that had overtaken Sango could no longer tell what it was, what it should be. Kohaku had never explained, no more than that he intended to free his sister's spirit.

He hadn't told her that this hideous _thing_ still believed itself to be the real Sango!

"I don't understand," she whispered, watching the wraith and the demon-ravaged Inuyasha stand beside each other. Sango's face was void of any expression, while Inuyasha's seemed to overflow with wrathful hatred.

"They made a deal," Kohaku said bitterly. "Whatever is inside of Inuyasha's body won't give way, won't let her take him. At the same time, it doesn't have complete control either. They fought over him, Kagome, but they've come to an agreement…to share the body and their power."

Appalled, she shook off Kohaku's hand. "And you agreed to it?"

"Not like I have much choice," he muttered.

Her mind was spinning. Under Inuyasha's baleful stare, she felt as if the flesh was stripped from her bones. His malevolence was like a reek in her nostrils that she couldn't escape. As for the other, she could almost see the demon souls writhing under Sango's shredded skin. Each a true horror, what did they have to gain from joining? They'd tear each other and Inuyasha's body to pieces like this.

Insanity…combined with pure malice…it was more monstrous than should be able to survive! Unless…

Kagome stepped in front of Kohaku, gently quelling his protest with a raised hand. "I need to know," she murmured, and fixed her eyes on the wraith-like vision of her dear friend.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked, her voice as soft and kind as she could manage under the circumstances.

_**Kagome…yes, you were Kagome to me**_…

She nodded. "Yes." Pointing at the red-eyed monster, Kagome avoided meeting his gaze. "And him? Do you remember who he was?"

_**Inuyasha…half-demon…friend**_…

"Kagome, there's no point," Kohaku interrupted, trying to take her arm again.

"Quiet," she said, snapping the word with a hiss. She needed to focus on this conversation. "That's right. He was your friend, he was Inuyasha."

"Was," Inuyasha said, grinding out the word like a bloody curse. "He's dead now, bitch."

"Is that the truth?" Kagome kept her eyes on Sango's withered face, willing it to continue. "Has what is inside him now destroyed what was inside before?"

No response, she could tell it didn't understand. Persistent, working on a hunch that had come out of nowhere, Kagome wasn't finished with her questions. "Why do you want to join with them? Didn't you want a body of your own?"

Kohaku swore under his breath, she could feel his tension as he stood close behind her. Something had changed, something important. If the demons that ruled Inuyasha couldn't kill her now, something had changed.

They hadn't been able to devour Inuyasha and take control of his body. The demons already trapped within him had fought back, determined to preserve themselves and the body they'd tried to steal so many years ago. Tried, but failed in the end, as Inuyasha had nearly destroyed himself to keep them from taking control.

Didn't that mean that he was still inside, somewhere?

_**He…is not the same**_…

Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach like a ball of ice. She didn't want to hear that! Kagome bit her lip, fighting to keep the tiny flare of hope alive.

"Then what do you want?" she cried out, desperate to have the answer she wanted. "What good is his body if it's already taken by demons?"

It smiled, and the smile was so much like Sango's real smile that Kagome stopped short, aching at the sight of its ghost. The smile was kind, wistful, and a little bit shy, exactly how Sango had smiled when Miroku teased her about being beautiful.

_**Shikon…no…Tama**_…

Suddenly her mind was filled with images, violent…sickening. She saw a horde of demons descending on a helpless village, she saw a woman in armor that shone with an awful light. Lusting, famished for her, they pursued the shining soul, letting their fury carry them towards her as a wave on the turbulent sea.

Then…the light exploded, blinding Kagome, blinding everything. The heat was so intense that it melted stone, carving a passage deep inside solid rock. She suddenly knew that the cave where Midoriko had battled a thousand demons had not existed before that battle. Over centuries, the rock cooled and became twisted figures, one that looked like a woman, and some that were so misshapen they could not be identified as individual creatures.

And deep within the very heart of the woman-stone, a tiny, crystalline sphere had formed like a jewel. Held in place by the perfect balance of purity and corruption, so it had existed for centuries.

Kagome fell to her knees, gasping for breath and trying to clear the awful visions from her mind. She had wanted to know…

"You…you want to make another Shikon no Tama!"

"Not exactly." Inuyasha's voice was a rasp against raw nerves. "This time there will be no jewel to constrain us. Instead, _we_ _will become the jewel!_"

_**Like Naraku dreamed of**_…_**perfect seduction…**_

"Absolute corruption!" the demon shouted gleefully. "Once you're dead, we'll devour that bitch's soul and make her part of it!"

She heard Kohaku's shout, felt him move from behind her, aiming his weapon for a killing blow at Inuyasha. The demon swung wide, avoiding the strike, and punched Kohaku viciously. He fell right in front of Kagome, his body convulsing and blood splattered from the wound in his forehead.

Kagome couldn't move, she wanted to stay still and quiet, rock herself to unconsciousness if possible. Inuyasha seized her arms and dragged her to her feet, clutching her tightly in a mocking embrace.

"When we're joined, nothing will stop us from having you," he whispered, lips brushing her ear as if to murmur a loving confession. "When the sun disappears from the sky, that's when your endless night will begin."

oOo

_Many, many years past_…

The rain fell heavily that night, pouring down in sheets of water that whipped the leaves from the trees. The woman sat alone, her muddied hakama soaked, and water ran from her dark hair like ribbons of distrust. She no longer young, but still looked older than her years. Sternness replaced her maidenly beauty, the blush of youth eroded by harsh circumstance and many sleepless nights.

She would wait for him. She would wait all night alone, if need be. He would come because she had asked and a creature such as he would not cast aside a promise lightly or without cause.

_If you have need of this blade_…

She would wait.

_You need only call upon it_.

He would come.

"You choose an ill-omened night to meet, priestess," said a deep voice from the shadows.

Midoriko got to her feet slowly, keeping her hands visible in case he had any doubts. Her armor felt heavy, leaden against her flesh, and her back ached from her long-seated vigil. Still, she bowed her head in deference to the man that had come to her summons.

"It has been a long time, lord of the Western youkai."

He smiled at that, amused by her quiet and modest tone although her request to meet had been more of an urgent demand. A creature of no small magic himself, he was bound by his own words; a vow perhaps made in haste, but made in sincerity all the same. Traveling upon moonlight, he felt her call out to him across vast distances. Cascading from the mountains in the form of turbulent streams, the message seeped into the wide plains and forests with the softness of a whispered plea.

The name of his sword, spoken by a human woman given his pledge, struck the soul of the Inu no Taisho like a hammering blow to a great bell. It resonated inside with undeniable command.

"Speak," he said, his tone gentle for the moment.

"Every day more of them come and every day more of us die." Her voice was steady, but he could hear the ragged edge of her exhaustion. "I have pledged my life to protect these people, but so many battles have devastated our numbers. There are not enough men to work the fields. Every crop fails from either neglect or disease. Our women and children will starve if I can't bring an end to it."

Their suffering was nothing to him and the Inu no Taisho waived his hand in dismissal. "Then call upon your human armies," he said sarcastically. "Let them fight to protect their own, as my kind has done for centuries. Let them bring their stink and smoke to the battlefield to protect your peasants."

"Don't you think I've tried?" The bone-weary tone of her voice made him pause. "I've appealed to the regional lords, begged them for help. They don't want to hear about demons. Not when some of those demons wear human faces and whisper to them about wealth and power. I…"

The woman took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I have been ignored. There's no profit to be made in saving poor villages that can't even pay their taxes."

He raised an eyebrow, an elegant lord of white and silver, but inhuman and unmoved by the plight of Midoriko's people. "And what would you ask of me, priestess? Shall I send my host of youkai to punish those human lords that know nothing of duty?"

The woman flinched, no doubt imagining the bloodshed he could unleash at will. The Inu no Taisho was proud, far too proud to meddle in the affairs of lowly beings. He and his were the last of their kind, magical creatures who had roamed the earth freely for centuries and now found themselves pushed to the far reaches by the encroachment of humans.

"I am not asking that," she said quickly, seeing old anger begin to light his eyes like sulfur on fire. "But we are without hope now, waiting to die. You said that if I had need of your sword you would come. My need is great and I beg you for your help."

Demons had ravaged her people, slaughtering and devouring without mercy. Their rage had been building for years, their hunger insatiable. Gentle forest spirits perverted by darkness, feeding upon misery and despair. In their greed, the human warlords who battled each other constantly had awoken an unstoppable evil that hungered for the lives and souls of innocents.

All that stood between them and destruction was this one, determined woman.

"What would you ask of me?" The question was very quiet, solemn and edged by menace. Midoriko understood the ways of youkai and knew that whatever she asked now, he would give. If she asked for battle, the land of her people would be scorched by his fury. If she demanded bloodshed, he would return it to her tenfold. Then, if she begged for his protection, her people would be safe.

To live under his rule, perhaps forever.

"Give me the means to save them," she answered, staring up at his face and searching for something, anything that might tell her where she stood. Rain splashed her cheeks, dripping from his bright armor and bone-pale hair. She held her breath and waited again.

The Inu no Taisho opened his mouth, then closed it quickly as if unsure what words to give her. Conflict and decision flickered like fireflies in his gaze, dying at last as his expression grew dark and grim.

"What is your strength?" he whispered.

"I don't understand."

"Your greatest strength, woman." A chill note of annoyance crept into his voice and Midoriko felt that she needed to be very careful now.

Her people called her priestess and she modestly turned away from those who would place her on an altar. Their warrior maiden, but the stench of battle and death only sickened her. While they hailed her as a pure and radiant soul, she knew they'd never see the darkness in her heart or the bitter despair that kept her awake in the night.

"I didn't ask for this," she murmured, becoming lost as she turned inward. "I only wanted to make things better. I healed the injured or tended the sick. When they needed hope, I gave them something to believe in. When they needed protection, I picked up a sword. When I had to sacrifice…"

She couldn't continue and bowed her head, tears mixing freely with the rainfall.

"The man you killed that day, you loved him." His dark voice confessed her secret and she nodded slowly. She had loved Maketo, silently and from a distance, knowing she could never tell him. Her love could only burden someone who was already so lost in grief. Still, she'd loved him fiercely…until she'd had to kill him with her own hand.

His anger had turned to reckless rage and in the end, his attack on the wife of the Inu no Taisho had been naked suicide.

"So he didn't know," the youkai lord mused. "To honor our truce and protect your people, you cut down the man you loved." He chuckled softly at her silence. "And to think that I am considered the ruthless beast…"

"Do not mock me!" The woman's voice had turned to steel and he saw the glitter of determination like ice in her eyes. "I have given everything I have!"

"Is that so?" The downpour that had soaked them both suddenly ceased, the clouds overhead parting as if by command. The Inu no Taisho regarded Midoriko sternly, more an impatient parent than an enemy about to strike her down.

He stepped forward, pleased when she would not back away. Slowly, as if contemplating nothing more complicated than his morning breakfast, he walked in a wide circle to stand behind her. Midoriko stared out at the wet forest, resolved to neither run away nor beg for his assistance.

"I have lived for a very long time," he said softly, just behind her ear. "So long that a mortal like could hardly imagine. Your lives are brief, child, so perhaps you value each day as something precious. You die so easily, but I have seen your kind spread like a disease throughout my lands and know you better than you know yourselves."

Midoriko took a deep breath. "Are you going speak in riddles, Inu no Taisho? If you won't help me, then say so and be gone. I don't have the time to trade insults with you."

"You killed the man you loved," he whispered. "How?"

"You were there, you know…"

"Yes, and you know that isn't what I meant."

Her eyes focused on the muddy ground as if it could somehow dull her pain. "He wanted to die and he planned to die fighting. When I accepted your wife's suggestion of a truce, I took that away from him."

Strong fingers seized her chin, forcing it upwards until she looked the youkai lord in the eye. "So he hated you then, is that why you found it easy to kill him?"

She pushed him away, angry now. "No! I couldn't bear to let him die by any other hand but my own. Nothing else would have convinced you to leave!"

Menacing and remote as the stars, he refused to waver from his questioning. "I'll ask you again, priestess. What is your greatest strength? Your sacred beliefs, your pure soul?"

"No…"

Smiling now was an excuse to show his fangs. "Your sword, then? Your ability to lead farmers into battle, to make them follow you even though you know all hope is lost?"

She shook her head. "You don't understand. I have to...they don't have..."

"They don't have anyone else," he whispered intimately. "Then save them yourself, woman. Protect them."

He met her gaze, ancient and immutable as the stars themselves. "By your own strength, whatever that may be."

The forest was still, silent but for the soft, wet sound of water dripping. It fell from the leaves and branches; it slid from Midoriko's hair and made the armor of the inuyoukai glitter as if encrusted by jewels. His words echoed in her heart and made her ache.

Her strength was only that she couldn't stop caring what happened to the farmers and their families, that she loved Maketo so much that she took his burdens as her own. Even his death she had refused to share with the youkai who stood before her, offering her only riddles instead of a clean way out.

Her own strength, so he told her. Could she find the way…alone?

"These people are not mine nor is your battle," he said, turning away from their meeting. "Your enemy attacks only to get to you, drawn to you as we are all drawn inevitably to our own desires…and destruction."

"Please," she whispered, not even sure what she was asking from him now.

He paused, a shimmering outline against pure darkness. "I would not face an enemy where he has all the advantage, priestess. Find the place inside yourself, the place where you are stronger and battle them there. Do not seek them out for there is no need. They will come for you."

The Inu no Taisho was already gone, his cryptic words offering no comfort, but she understood why he wouldn't aid her. To his kind, she was the harbinger of a world that had no place for their magic and mystery.

_They will come for you_.

They would come and she would meet those that sought her. Her death would be solitary, a single candle snuffed easily by the howling of many voices. That would be her victory. For like so many insects, they would attempt to consume her…only to die within her deadly flame.

oOo

Kagome was breathing hard, shaking really. The memories that Midoriko shared with her meant something. She was supposed to pay attention, find an answer, but the memories left her feeling worn out and defeated. She was not Midoriko; she was not that ancient priestess who had sacrificed herself to save the lives of innocent people.

If Midoriko was trying to help her, she was doing a damned bad job of it.

"Come on," she muttered, working at the chains again. The heavy lengths made it agony to raise her arms; all she could do was claw at the stone until her fingertips were bloody. Still, she had to keep trying to free herself while sunlight crept across the floor of the abandoned temple like the promise of death.

At sundown, she would die. Her body would be torn apart, the soul of Midoriko hidden within her living heart would be released and then devoured by the wild demons that had consumed Inuyasha. After centuries, they would finally win, finally have their revenge against the woman who had trapped and imprisoned them within her own soul.

Groaning, she slumped against the boulder. The rough surface had rubbed her skin raw and she ached with misery. When she closed her eyes, she could see Inuyasha's sadistic grin as he'd wrapped the thick chains around her wrists, tightening them until she winced and struggled as if his touch burned right to the bone.

It wasn't Inuyasha, she told herself for the thousandth time. Just a monster that had stolen his face, stolen his body, and devastated the heart and soul of the man that she knew as Inuyasha. It felt like a betrayal to call that thing by Inuyasha's name, but she couldn't bring herself to call him anything else.

As if by naming him otherwise, she finally admitted that he was lost forever.

He'd dragged her back here to wait for her death, knowing that she wouldn't beg for mercy. Her pain would be her testament to a love that had spanned across time itself. In a way, she was able to accept her fate simply because it was worth it. To know that he'd always loved her…

Kagome blinked back useless tears, wiping her eyes awkwardly on her sleeve and let the anger seep back into her heart. It wasn't going to end like this! She was determined to fight at least as hard as he had.

"To the last breath," Kagome whispered, twisting her body until she was facing away from the boulder that held her prisoner. After chaining her arms, Inuyasha had lifted the boulder as easily as a child might heft a pebble, sliding her chain beneath it and petting her hair with false affection.

"Can't have you running away again," he taunted. "I've got something special planned for you, something that you're really going to enjoy. I can't wait to make you scream for me again…"

She spat at him, lunging and baring her teeth as if she could tear out his heart. Instead of lashing out with a blow that might have ended her suffering, he wiped the saliva from his cheek with the back of his finger, sniffing at it curiously before licking it up. Her stomach churned and bile burned in the back of her throat.

"And this after I've made sure you won't be lonely," he chuckled. On the other side of the room Kohaku was barely breathing, blood still dripping from a wound to his forehead. She knew he was still alive because she could see his chest rise and fall, hear a soft gurgling when he gasped for air.

Inuyasha left them with a parting kick to the unconscious exterminator's ribs, chuckling again when the young man didn't so much as moan aloud in pain. The sound was chilling; it was nothing like Inuyasha's laugh, but instead a vindictive delight in raw cruelty.

Kagome braced her legs as she pressed her back against the boulder. It must have fallen through the roof when the temple slid down the hillside, around it was debris and dirt, smaller rocks and stones. No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't shift it. The chains kept her from getting any advantage, just long enough to allow her to sit or stand and she realized wearily she was only wasting her energy.

"What am I going to do?" Ignoring the ache in her hands and knees, Kagome knelt and started to search for anything to use as a weapon. The rocks nearby were pitifully small and easy enough to pick up, but she didn't think Inuyasha was going to back off if she threw pebbles at him.

She couldn't reach Kohaku either and watching him die slowly was its own torment. Considering that Kohaku was the one who'd put them both in this situation, she still couldn't summon up any vindictive anger. Like herself, he'd tried to do what he thought was necessary.

In the end, his plans had unraveled and he found himself caught in the same web of lies that had ensnared Inuyasha. She could almost pity him for that, almost. If it didn't mean that he would die, she would die, and the evil that he'd sacrificed everything to destroy would finally consume them all.

Searching through the rubble, she tried not think about anything but finding a way to escape. Every now and then, her hand fell on something soft and putrid, a fresh smell of decay. She shuddered, fighting the urge to vomit and trying not to inhale through her nose. Kagome didn't want to know what had died in here, what else might have suffered its last moments as she was suffering now.

Apparently, the creature that devoured the souls of demons didn't care what it did with the physical remains. She was just grateful that the pieces it left behind were relatively small and…

Something smooth and slender, fitting into her palm like an old friend. Hardly daring to hope, Kagome pulled gently, gasping in surprise when she realized what exactly she'd salvaged from the rubble. Merciful gods, she'd never imagined…left here, thrown away as useless to him now…

"Tessaiga."

oOo

"Are you sure that we're going the right way?"

Her tone was only polite, but Rin found that she was losing patience quickly. Twice already they'd found themselves going in circles, backtracking again to the outskirts of the village like lost children who wandered away from their mothers' watchful eye.

"Ain't my fault, girlie," Natsu snapped. "I only been there once and we came from the other side of the forest. Kohaku made sure we didn't know to follow him, didn't you hear?"

"I did hear you," Rin answered, grinding her teeth. "You said you could find them, Natsu-san."

Shippou snorted. "If he wasn't lying…"

Natsu rounded quickly on the kitsune. "Don't go running your mouth," the big man warned. "Boss had damn good reason to keep people away."

"Maybe you have good reason to keep us away too," Shippou snarled, ready to believe that the human was lying again to protect Kohaku. "If this is a trick…"

"I'll show you a trick, you little rat…"

"Stop it!" Rin jumped between them before it could turn to blows. She shoved Shippou away and turned to confront Natsu. She wasn't afraid of angry men, not after being raised among dog demons. Right now, she needed Natsu's cooperation and she needed Shippou to focus on the terrain so they didn't walk into a trap.

"We don't have time for this," the girl said, her voice edged like a knife. "I understand that Kohaku didn't share his plans with you, Natsu-san. I understand that he had his reasons and you are loyal to him. I'm not asking you to betray anything he might have told you."

Natsu folded his arms and smirked at the fuming Shippou. "Now that's a little more like it," he began.

"Shut up," she snapped, trying to find that cold, uncompromising tone that she'd heard Sesshomaru-sama use on so many occasions. "Just hold your tongue and pay attention, Natsu-san, because we need you."

Grinning, Shippou leaned against a tree. "At least we need him as long as it takes to find Kagome," he said, flicking his claws. "After that, I don't give a damn what he…"

Rin glared at him. "If you can't be useful, maybe you should go back to Kouga," she said, stinging him with her words. "I need you on my side, Shippou. I need Natsu-san too. We have to find them soon before…"

Running out of words, she didn't even know how to express the dread that filled her, the chill than ran down her spine like needles of ice.

They were just about to leave the village when Shiori had pulled her away from Shippou and asked to speak to her in private. She thought that Shiori was only going to tell her to be careful, but the fear in her eyes made Rin go cold.

"I'm really scared," the girl whispered, her gaze darting nervously to the side. "Inuyasha was right, Kohaku is terrified of something. He's tried to keep it from me, but…" Shiori hid her face behind her hands, trembling until Rin reached out to touch her.

"It's going to be all right," Rin said, wishing she could believe it. "Shiori, we'll find Kohaku and bring him home."

"No," Shiori whispered. "I don't think so, not now. He wouldn't have done this if he thought he'd make it back."

The stark reality was that Kohaku didn't want them to find him. He'd gone to great pains to keep his secrets, hidden his true intentions even from his wife until eventually his betrayal was exposed. Then, as if he'd planned for this too, he'd disappeared completely.

Like a man who had already lost what he held dear, Kohaku made sure to leave himself no way to return.

Rin wasn't having it. Not this time, and not like this. When she'd been a young girl, she'd looked to Sesshomaru-sama to protect her. For a very short time, he'd protected Kohaku as well. He could have murdered the boy just as easily, only it would have been a dishonorable thing to do. Like herself, Kohaku had been a victim, a survivor…and a pawn.

"Rin?"

Shippou's eyes were dark with worry and she suddenly felt the urge to brush her hand across his forehead. The kitsune still looked tired, his face was pale against the deep red of his hair. Behind him, Natsu stood tensely, as if he couldn't decide whether or not to just leave them here.

"Please," she whispered. "Please help me find them. I…I just want to bring Kohaku back to Shiori, before he does something he can't live with. I don't want their baby to grow up without him."

Shippou flushed, digging a hole in the ground with his toe and avoiding her eyes. Rin thought he seemed to be struggling with himself when he suddenly shook his head and met her gaze.

"I get it," he said softly. "Whatever it takes, Rin. We're not going home until we find all three of them. Kohaku will have to answer for what he's done, but Shiori deserves to know the truth."

Natsu snorted, chuckling when they turned to look in his direction. "Think it will be that easy, girlie? Maybe she's better off not knowin' and you're meddling with what you don't belong to?"

"I'll take that chance," Rin said quickly, nodding at Shippou. "We aren't his enemies, Natsu-san."

The big man shuffled his feet and scratched at his neck. "Then we'd better get going," he said, gruff and not looking at either of them. "The place isn't far, just at the edge of those foothills to the west of the village."

"I knew you were running us in circles!"

Natsu didn't so much acknowledge Shippou's outrage. "We can be there by sunset if we hurry," he said, his voice heavy. Rin thought he sounded like he'd made an unhappy decision. "If we ain't there by then…it's already too late."

oOo

She could easily remember the first time she'd seen Tessaiga. Deep inside the bones of an ancient, massive corpse, until then it had all seemed to be some kind of absurd adventure. Like the kind of tales her grandfather told before bedtime, full of monsters and magic, everything had seemed too outlandish to call reality.

Even Inuyasha, with his surly attitude and adorable ears, seemed to play the part of a mismatched hero from a historical fantasy.

Until then, it seemed a grand undertaking. She would find the shards of the jewel that she'd shattered, Inuyasha would fight to take them back. Eventually, he'd warm up to her and together they'd complete an important and adventure-filled quest.

Along the way, she thought they'd become friends.

When she'd seen the betrayed hurt in his eyes after Sesshomaru tricked him with the image of his dead mother…that's when Kagome had gotten angry. Nobody should get away with that! Her anger made her bold enough to jump right in without so much as a second thought for her own safety.

Bullied by his older brother, goaded into a fight against someone much stronger, for the first time Kagome realized that Inuyasha had probably never had anyone on his side. So then, she cheered him on and encouraged him, dodging out of the way when their dispute turned deadly violent. She wanted him to have the sword, if only to show that stuck-up brother of his that he wasn't some worthless half-breed that didn't deserve better.

Quite by accident, she'd picked up the Tessaiga. Unplanned and unexpected, Kagome had done what neither brother could…all because their father had a soft spot for humans. Or perhaps a wicked sense of humor about his sons and their egos, Kagome really wasn't sure.

In any case, she suddenly found herself as the target of Sesshomaru's attention, and annoyance, this time for more than just being a human girl. Inuyasha screamed at her to give up the damn sword, and that would have been the smart thing to do, but as a girl who wouldn't tolerate bullies in the schoolyard, she refused. It wasn't fair.

Fair or not, she was completely surprised that Sesshomaru would try to kill her on the spot…

After all, she wasn't supposed to die in a fairy tale. Not one where magical jewels were lost and she became friends with a half-demon boy.

Naïve of her? Absolutely. Now she knew better, and now…her only hope was to use Tessaiga to save herself.

"I'm not going to die here," Kagome hissed, wedging the tip of the ancient blade between the links of the chain. The iron was old, corroded with rust that left a fine, orange powder on her hands. Compared to her weak flesh, it was more than sturdy enough to keep her from escape. Tessaiga, on the other hand, was forged from the tusk of mighty demon and able to transform itself into a glowing fang of impossible power.

"Don't let me down, Tessaiga," she muttered, twisting the chains where they were stuck under the boulder. Using the blade for as a pivot, she felt the links grind against each other, applying more force than she was able to with her bare hands. Both hands on the worn pommel of the sword, she forced it down…


	36. ThirtySix

**A/N: Hello…anyone still there? Oh good. I've missed you too**.

_**Possession 36**_

One of many, he floated within their consciousness like a scrap of driftwood tossed by the restless sea. Waves rolled over him, through him as darkness and light, then darkness again. He had no body, no blood, not even memory of his name. Without fingers to touch, without a tongue to speak, he could no longer taste the salt of her tears or the rich sweetness of her kiss.

Now and then, he was able to swim to the surface, riding the heady torrent of fury and bitterness. He drowned in the multitude, gasping for breath and flailing against the panic. Here was a wretched choir of voices, so many, so angry! Worse was to dive deeper, into pure silence and nothingness, a quiet dark void so cold and empty that it terrified him.

It was death. It was his death and every time he drifted close to it, he called it by its name. Nothingness offered escape; nothingness seduced him with all the promise of redemption. Frightening as it was to a lonely, severed soul, that deep dark was the only shore that might offer him rest.

_Give up_, the voices chanted in unison. _Join us or swim for the lonely shore, there is no other choice_. Fire and madness at one end, ice-cold solace at the other, whichever way he swam it seemed that he could not escape. He was tired; he was so very tired of fighting them. A battle should be won or lost, not continue for eternity.

Such was the hell of the Shikon no Tama.

A cursed jewel, he suddenly remembered. Where they began was a balance that existed without advantage for either side. Darkness born from drops of blood scattered across earth, soaked in the ambition of men until the forest floor was rotten with it. Souls that wandered the sky, cut loose from their bodies and doomed to find no rest or peace until they coalesced into a writhing mass of simple need.

Some invaded the forms of animals; others took shape from the crawling insects, the slithering snakes. Still more sought out the decaying stench of corpses, wielding their pain like a flail against dead flesh. One by one, they grew, fed, and devoured until hunger became their definition, lust and fury their very existence.

Nameless and many, they attacked anything living. From the foliage that withered from their touch to the human children snatched from their beds, whatever they could feed upon became their prey.

Then, like a pillar of light arising from the depths of the endless night, _She_ appeared. Although her blood smelled mortal and tempting, the brilliance of her unspoiled soul was pure intoxication. They yearned to bask beside its shimmer, slake their thirst with the coolness of its waters. Hungry and drawn to the light of that soul, desiring only rip aside the mortal flesh that imprisoned it, they would crush the bones and sinew that restrained them from such an intimate embrace.

In the beginning, it wasn't hatred that drove the demon souls of the Shikon no Tama.

It was love.

oOo

Kagome bit her lip and winced as Tessaiga fell to the floor with a loud clatter. Her knuckles were bloody from where she'd scraped them raw against the rough stone and her palms were slick with sweat. It hurt, it really hurt, but she didn't have the luxury or time for licking her wounds.

The sun was setting. Although she couldn't see the horizon, she knew that her time was running out. The shadows were growing deep, stretching across the floor like tendrils of fear. Trapped here for hours, she hadn't been able to think of anything but escape and survival.

She'd managed to break one of the chains. Delirious with hope, she'd pressed on until her wrists and knees were weak and trembling. Her back ached and she was hunched over like an old woman, but Kagome was proud of that broken chain. Even if it hadn't won her freedom, she'd proven herself against her nightmares one more time.

It was a small victory, but a victory all the same.

Gathering her strength, she pushed herself up from the floor. She didn't have time for self-pity, not when every second was precious. The heavy chain clanked against the floor as she circled the boulder that held her prisoner. Massive and immovable, it had become symbolic of everything that stood between her and freedom.

It was _fear_, it was _hatred_, it was _shame_...all the things that held her back, kept her from becoming the woman she was meant to be. A frightened, devastated child had climbed out of that well so many years ago, unaware of this boulder on her back. All those years she'd carried the weight of this hard stone as she tried to reclaim her life. It became part of who she was, an invisible burden that made each step forward more difficult until she staggered and finally lost sight of herself completely.

"No more," Kagome whispered. "I won't let you hold me down again."

Wrapping both hands around the chain, she heaved hard and was surprised when she felt the impossible give way just the tiniest bit. Kagome stopped and stared at her hands, unable to believe that she'd suddenly acquired superhuman strength.

No, that wasn't it! She dropped to her knees and dug at the dirty floor of the ruined temple. In the back of her mind, she could see Inuyasha's face, manic and distorted when he'd twisted the chains around her arms, gleeful as he pinned them under the huge boulder. Kagome tried to focus and concentrate on the memory, see beyond her panic and loathing.

The floor was shattered under the boulder, crushed from when the huge rock had slammed through the roof only gods knew how long ago. The gritty texture gave under her fingers and Kagome realized that the length of chain under the boulder was actually embedded in soft earth. She could dig her way free.

After hours of pain and hopeless fear, it was ridiculous how little time it took for her to dig out the chain. Her arms were covered with welts and bruises, her back ached even more now that she was relieved of the heavy weight that had nearly pulled her arms from her shoulders. Giddy with her sudden freedom, Kagome stumbled over her own feet and fell to her knees once again.

Fine, so she'd crawl out of here if that's what it took, inch by miserable inch. She'd forgotten how to give up, flinging her contempt into the teeth of despair like a challenge.

_Just try to stop me, just try it!_

The loss of Sango and Miroku had immobilized her; Inuyasha's betrayal had nearly destroyed her, sent her into a spiral so deep that she'd lost sight of what mattered most. She'd curled inside herself, tried to banish the pieces of her heart that hurt only to find that without them…she herself was the unfinished puzzle. She was the one left incomplete and missing, not the ones that she had left behind.

By the whim of fate or just damned bad luck, the incomplete puzzle was yet again upended and the pieces scattered. Only this time she knew what she was doing. She knew where the missing pieces belonged and nothing, not even staring into the face of Inuyasha's savagely torn soul, was going to scare her away.

Slapping both hands against the floor hard enough to shake her bones, Kagome lifted her face and turned to stare into the setting sun.

"You don't scare me," she whispered, biting off each word with the venom of conviction. "I'll find a way to take him back!"

As to answer her challenge, a low moan caught her attention and she immediately went to Kohaku's side. He had betrayed her, betrayed even himself, but in the end he'd tried to come to her defense when he'd witnessed the extent of the evil he'd unleashed. Sango's lost and suffering little brother, his life was as precious to Kagome as if she were his own sister.

She'd never once considered leaving him behind.

Sliding her hand over his pale skin, Kagome winced at the horrific scars on the left side of Kohaku's face. Cast into Naraku's fire, Sango made a terrible bargain that saved his life at the cost of her own body and soul. The burns went deeper than his flesh, just as guilt and remorse had eaten deeply into this young man's heart. Kagome could well understand the why and how of Kohaku's painful atonement for his sister's sacrifice.

"Kohaku," she called softly, "we have to get out of here. Can you stand?"

He groaned at the sound of her voice, his face twisted. Inuyasha probably hit him hard enough to kill him, but Kohaku had already died and been dragged back to this world once before. If nothing else, he had his sister's stubborn will to survive and Kagome was counting on that stubbornness to save them now.

She slapped his face lightly, then once again harder to bring him around. Muddled by pain, he was forced back to consciousness and managed to focus on her face. Taking that as a hopeful sign, Kagome tore off a strip of her sleeve to wipe at the blood crusting his forehead.

"Ka...Kagome?" he asked, as if he couldn't remember why she was here.

"Hey there," she said, forcing cheerfulness in spite of the dire situation. "I thought you were going to sleep all day." As if she'd only awakened him from a light nap, Kagome got to her feet and held out her hand.

"I know it hurts, but..." Her voice shook only a tiny bit, proving that she had already lost her mind.

"We really don't want to be here when Inuyasha comes back."

oOo

The stillness of the forest unnerved her, made her listen carefully for the sounds that were strangely absent. Birds didn't sing, there was no pleasant chatter between the trees. Even the air was still and silent, not so much as a simple breeze to lift her hair away from her sweat-soaked neck.

As the sun descended in the sky, Kagome prayed for the cover of darkness although it made moving even more difficult. Half-dragging, half-carrying the injured Kohaku was painfully exhausting for them both. The young exterminator seemed barely able to stay conscious; it was all he could do to keep his feet while Kagome tried to navigate the darkening forest.

"Just leave me," he whispered as he slid to the ground when she stopped. Groaning softly to herself, Kagome wondered if she could even get him to stand again. As for her own strength, it was quickly depleted and she was running on the fumes of adrenaline and pure fear.

Inuyasha was out there somewhere, searching for them. She knew that right down to her tired bones and broken heart.

"I can't," she said, simple now with no energy for persuasion. "Kohaku, I can't. I can't just leave you here to die."

She could almost see his smile in the darkness and his warm hand on hers was the only reality she could bear. Kagome knew he was right to tell her to leave, save herself. She could easily imagine Sango doing the same, trying to protect others even if it meant sacrificing her own life.

Sinking down beside him, Kagome knew that Kohaku had passed out again when she felt his fingers go limp in her hand. She leaned her head on his shoulder with a sigh and felt something dig painfully into her spine.

Tessaiga. Kohaku wasn't the only one she couldn't bear to leave behind.

Sliding the sword from her back, Kagome smiled sadly, thinking of the strange alliance between Inuyasha's father and Midoriko. A priestess who carried a bitter burden, a youkai lord moved to pity by his natural enemy. A woman who had killed the man she loved because it was her only option and a fiercely proud demon who once laid this very sword at a human's feet.

Why had Midoriko made sure to give her these memories? Tessaiga could no longer restore Inuyasha to sanity; its ability to seal Inuyasha's demon blood had long since disappeared. Was she expected to call upon this sword to...

Kagome swallowed hard. She didn't like where those thoughts were taking her, a desperate place. One where it would be her hand used to turn Tessaiga against Inuyasha.

"You can't expect me to be a part of that," she murmured as she ran her fingers over the ancient sheath. If that was to be the parallel of her future and Midoriko's past, that she would take the life of the one she loved, then Kagome wanted none of it.

Besides, she thought with a wry smile in the darkness, it wasn't as if she'd ever had any skill at fighting. Midoriko might have been a legendary warrior-priestess who battled a thousand demons, but Kagome was all too aware of her own limitations. She wasn't Midoriko, just as she wasn't Kikyou, and simply surviving her present situation was the only victory she was hoping for.

Leaning against Kohaku's shoulder, Kagome felt her mind start to wander. She was just so tired, so worn out. She'd spent every ounce of herself just getting free, helping Kohaku escape and finding cover in this unnaturally silent forest. Even her terror of being captured again by Inuyasha, or rather the vicious thing that he had become, couldn't make her summon any extra reserves of energy.

The darkness fell over her like a thick blanket, warm and heavy. As her eyelids fluttered, Kagome's last thought before drifting into sleep was that she wished she could see the sky.

oOo

Shippou stopped, reaching out to grab Rin's arm while sniffing anxiously at the soft breeze. His nose was nowhere near as sensitive as an inuyoukai or wolf demon, but he had learned to track a scent well enough.

Kouga told him it was nothing more than basic survival, being able to follow a trail or detect an enemy's presence. Kitsune were known more for their tricks and guile than a fox's similarity to dogs or wolves. They were expected to be clever and crafty rather than hunters or trackers. Shippou didn't argue the point, but a fox raised by wolves wouldn't live very long if he didn't learn to use both his head _and_ his nose.

"What is it?" Rin asked softly, her hand sliding into his.

He was quiet for a long moment, his ears twitching and green eyes almost glowing in the near darkness. Finally, Shippou sighed and shook his head.

"Lost the damn scent again."

Natsu cursed under his breath, but Shippou and Rin ignored him. As promised, he'd led them to find Kohaku, taking them right to the base of foothills that emerged from the dense forest. It immediately became clear that although Kohaku trusted Natsu as his subordinate, he hadn't trusted him with the exact location of his unknown allies.

"This is as far as we can go," the big man muttered, restlessly kicking a dusty hole in the thick, dry weeds. "Never followed him beyond this point, said it was a dangerous place."

"What made it dangerous, Natsu-san?" Rin asked.

"Hell, girlie, I don't know." Unexpectedly, Natsu looked embarrassed that he'd never once questioned Kohaku's word, or perhaps ashamed that he was forced to question him now. "Can't you feel it? Like the place wants to push us away, keep us out. A dead place, you know, like when you plant seeds and give 'em care, but nothing ever grows just the same."

"Poisoned," Shippou whispered, almost to himself. His nose twitched and with a grimace, he found that he agreed wholeheartedly with Natsu on the subject. Just looking around, his nerves became brittle with the desire to get the hell away. It was eerie, as if the hillside was staring back at him, glowering with anger at being disturbed. Under normal circumstances, he'd leave it alone.

"I think they're here," he muttered, half to himself as if Rin and Natsu were only an afterthought. "Their scent was strong just before we came out of the forest, now it's like something is..."

Shivering, the kitsune took a few steps back and reached for Rin's hand. The warmth of her skin comforted him and the quick squeeze of her fingers was encouraging. Not that he was afraid; it would just be childish to be afraid of an open hillside when so much was at stake. On the other hand, it was just plain stupid to ignore his instincts when they were screaming at him to leave.

"We should keep moving," Rin said softly in his ear. Turning to look at her, the girl's face was pale in the dying light. Coming over that hillside, even the sunset had no strength to color her features, diffused as if he was looking at her reflection on frosted glass.

"Yeah," he answered, turning towards the darkened forest and immediately feeling a bit better about things. "We'll double-back on the trail, see if I can pick them up again." Holding tight to Rin's hand, he kept her close at his side.

"Don't worry," Shippou said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. "We're going to find them, I promise."

oOo

Kagome's eyes snapped open and she sat up with a gasp. Her heart was pounding, her pulse raced as if she'd just had the scare of her life. She'd awakened from a dreamless sleep, comforted somehow by the illusion of complete safety. How could she be so stupid? Exhausted or not, they didn't have time to rest, not when they had to put as much distance as possible between themselves and Inuyasha.

Had...had he been completely transformed? Kagome shuddered, haunted by both Inuyasha's fierce madness and Sango's decayed and wraith-like body. The twisted demons that ruled over the physical remains of her dearly loved friend agreed to cooperate...to share...the stronger youkai body of Inuyasha. Thinking about it made Kagome grind her teeth again in outrage.

They had no right to him, no right at all!

His mind already tormented by the Shikon no Tama's poisonous spirits, Inuyasha had fought his way back and reclaimed himself from their control. Only to be destroyed, shattered like that cursed jewel. There was nothing she could do other than try to save herself.

It was happening again, she realized with sinking despair. Her choices and decisions slipped away like water through sand and she was helpless to do anything about it. Even if she managed to escape and make her way to the village, she still didn't have any better options. As Kohaku's predictions unfolded before her like recurring nightmare, Kagome's journey would bring her to the inevitable ending.

She would take Rin and Shippou back to Sesshomaru and Kouga.

She would tell them about Kohaku's terrible bargain, the destroyed Sango, the pitiless and deranged demon souls that devoured death in order to survive.

How Inuyasha was betrayed, how his love for her was used as the bait to lure him into the trap. How he fought as the demons ravaged his body and soul and how he'd lost himself again, this time forever.

She would stand watch for the days or weeks that were spent in hunting him down, destroying the abomination that wore his face like a mask and took his body like a trophy. Afterward, when word reached her that it was _done_, it was _over_...

She would collapse under the weight of her grief and mourn him for the rest of her life. That was the last thing she had to give, the only thing left that belonged to her and her alone. Kagome knew that she would find no comfort this time, no well of solace to fall into and escape the wrenching despair and regret.

_Kagome_...

"I can't do it," she whispered, abruptly realizing that she was rocking back and forth where she sat with tears streaming down her face. "I'm not...I'm not going to be strong enough. Why did this happen? If I didn't come back, he'd still be alive."

Pressing her face to her knees, she began sobbing helplessly. In a moment, she was crying harder than she could believe possible. Her voice was a pitiful, soft wail of pain, punctuated by choking gasps for air. She gave herself over to it, her whole body aching as the sobs were wrenched from her lips.

All these years, she thought she'd cried for Inuyasha so often that nothing else could be taken from her. She was wrong, there was always something left for her to lose.

_Kagome… don't cry_.

A tiny voice, she heard it again. She lifted her face, staring straight out into darkness. Her eyes were wide and the tears dried on her cheeks.

Who was it that called to her now, begged her not to cry? That voice sounded so much like _him_...

Like a bolt from the sky, the world flashed white. Kagome cried out, her body stiffened and she was flat on her back with shock. Power surged from the tips of her toes to her fingers, flooding her with painful light. The surge enthralled her, made her reach up to the heavens like she could capture the stars and bind them to her command.

It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. When a shadow crossed the brilliance of her vision and Kagome found herself staring down from the sky. This was no dream. She knew in that instant that her mind was compelled to relive the past, Midoriko's past, and bear mute witness to what followed.

Below her, a savage battle was raging and a woman was fighting for her life. Although her body was only mortal and her sword merely steel, the purity of her spirit shone like a protective aura. Furious creatures dove and slashed, trying in vain to bring the shining warrior to her knees.

They tried to overwhelm her with their menace, with their slavering mouths and sharp claws. Physical attacks broke upon the glittering aura, howls of pain were etched in misshapen faces as the demons crawled towards their goal. They couldn't touch her, not yet, but they steadily drove her backwards in retreat.

Kagome held her breath, anticipating the final blow as Midoriko was forced into a rocky grotto, her back against sheer stone and sparks flying from her armor. Greedy and sensing victory at last, the demon horde closed in on the lone priestess, their power and corruption filling the grotto and turning every surface into a seething, heaving mass of putrid flesh.

Her eyes stung, watching the ancient battle play out as it had so long ago. Kagome remembered her first visit to this place as a young girl, how Inuyasha carried the injured Sango here so that she could tell the story of how the Shikon no Tama was born. How Midoriko had seized the souls of the demons and bound them with her own pure soul, creating the jewel and a stalemate. A battle that would be fought for eternity, a war with no victory and no defeat, but an endless dance of balance and conflict.

Purity and corruption. Selfless sacrifice and absolute destruction.

Staring down at the final battle, Kagome could feel the power building as the demons closed in for the kill. The weakened priestess, already wounded and dying, faced the swarm fearlessly. Unblinking, she cast away her sword and raised her arms as if to welcome her murderers, embrace them lovingly.

Sensing victory, the demons began to _howl_...

Midoriko's aura unexpectedly expanded and filled the grotto with its shimmering light. Caught in her trap, the demons struggled and lashed out wildly, destroying each other even as their souls were purified. The howling became a din, a terrible blade that sliced the air to bloody ribbons, burning everything around them to ash and cinder.

In the center of the destruction, Midoriko's figure burned brighter and hotter than a furnace. Her aura contracted, the energy concentrated as she ruthlessly pulled the corrupt demons inside her pure soul.

_By your own strength, whatever that may be_.

Pain. She could sense the immense pain that radiated from the demons as they were forced to their destruction. At the center of the storm, Midoriko shone more brightly than sun, but it was a light that radiated no warmth, no mercy. As Kagome watched, the wild energy of the demons seemed to grow more desperate, more furious, until at last…

There was a pulse of power like nothing she'd ever felt before. The air charged, pure white and crackling like a star reaching critical mass, Midoriko's body and spirit suddenly fused with the angry demons, blinding Kagome with a flash of light and purified energy.

Next thing she knew, Kagome was standing in the middle of what had once been a rocky grotto, but now was only blasted earth. In front of her, there was a smoking hole in the side of what had been a sheer stone cliff. In a few centuries time, she knew that the earth would recover and this place would grow green and lush.

Right now, the air smelled of burning flesh. Charred remains crunched ominously under her feet as she moved to stare at the dark entrance of the cave. Deep inside, she knew that the newborn Shikon no Tama was sleeping, exhausted perhaps by the brutality of its birth. No one was left to witness what had happened here, no one to grieve for Midoriko's final sacrifice or sigh in relief that the monsters had been defeated.

Not entirely defeated, she thought as a shudder of fear ran down her spine. Contained, forced to submit, but their hatred still burned in the back of her mind when she remembered the insanity of Inuyasha's eyes. Their rage was still every bit as poisonous and the thought of it unleashed without Midoriko's soul to restrain the darkness made Kagome's human heart quail with primal panic.

"What am I supposed to do now?" she whispered.

From the depths of the cave, she heard a voice answer her soft question. "You will do what you must."

Kagome's mouth dropped open, surprised beyond words as a shimmering form appeared. Glowing with her inner purity, the figure of Midoriko emerged from the cave like a star falling from absolute darkness. Instead of the elderly woman who had comforted Kagome in kindly visions, this was Midoriko at the height of her power and conviction. Her expression was stern, so cold and pitiless that Kagome wanted to shrink away in dread.

"You will finish what I began," the ghostly priestess said, her voice a pale echo in Kagome's ears. "This is the reason why you were brought here, your reason for living, as mine once was."

Eyes wide, Kagome took a step back and shook her head. "No," she said, feeling every bit the wretched weakling. "I'm not you, Midoriko. I'm not strong, I'm not a priestess. I'm just an ordinary person…"

"Nothing you have done is ordinary," Midoriko answered, her coldly glowing eyes fixed on Kagome's frightened face. "You survived because there was a reason, something that needed finished. You were chosen, Kagome. You were chosen to bring an end to it. Only one who has loved as I have and lost as I have could be strong enough."

The words ate into her skin, made her want to scream at the unfairness of it all. That she would be brought back here to fall in love with him all over again, just to lose him again…all for the sake of finishing Midoriko's battle struck Kagome as a bitter destiny.

"I won't do it," she whispered. "Someone else…Sesshomaru or Kouga's wolves. I can't be meant to kill him, not after everything we've been through!"

"It can be only you." The priestess was unmoving, a glimmering statue of cold light. "Only you can be my hands, only you loved him enough. Your Inuyasha is gone, Kagome. It is your fate to free him from their grasp and destroy the body that carries their souls now."

Kagome dropped to her knees. "Isn't there any other way?" she asked, desperate now. Even if Inuyasha was gone, his soul devoured by the darkness, she couldn't be the one to strike the final blow. Not when that tiny bit of hope, the part of her that believed he would still be saved, was all that she had left.

"Save him," she whispered, staring at Midoriko's ghostly spirit.

"You…refuse?"

"Don't ask me to do this." A desire that seemed impossible had hardened inside her heart, taken the form of unshakable necessity. "I…I will save him."

Something shifted, etched the face of Midoriko's ghost with solemn regret. "If it must be this way," she murmured. "Your heart must be resolved, as mine was, instead of conflicted by doubt."

Kagome closed her eyes, thankful to have been spared.

"When the time comes…I shall use your hands without your will."

"No!" With a burst of energy, Kagome was on her feet to confront the ghostly priestess. "I said I wouldn't do it!"

Midoriko returned her fire with dispassionate ice. "You have refused," she said softly, sending cold slivers into Kagome's heart with each word. "It must be done, if not by you, I will take this burden of duty from your shoulders."

Anger flooded her and Kagome tasted bile in her mouth. To be used as a tool and to live with the knowledge that it had been her own hands to destroy the one she loved…it would be unbearable. As if by allowing this to happen, every good thing she had ever felt, every happy memory she had left of Inuyasha, would be murdered along with his violated and stolen body.

Turning away from Kagome's outrage, Midoriko faced the dark cave where her soul and the bound Shikon no Tama would spend centuries locked together in eternal battle.

"This has always been your destiny, you cannot escape from it."

The cold words were despair curling around her body. Too easily, Kagome could imagine Midoriko's will taking over her body, driving her forward to hunt him, sword in hand, and repeat the final battle that she had just witnessed. Her and Inuyasha, locked forever in the hell of balance and conflict, trying to destroy each other until both of them completely forgot that they had once been friends, been lovers…

Trembling, she took a step forward and flinched when her foot kicked something amid the rubble. A battered sword was half-buried in the ground and Kagome reached for it without thinking. Her fingers curled easily around the worn hilt as if her hand had been made for it. She could almost feel the weight of armor on her shoulders, smell sweat and smoke from the battlefield. Tears burned in her eyes as she squinted against a glaring sun and the wails of the dying reached her ears like voices straight from hell.

_I will become her_, the part that was still Kagome whispered in her mind. _This is what she meant, I'll become her and I will hunt him down myself. I'll forget that I loved him, that he loved me_.

_I will forget Inuyasha and I will kill the demon_.

The darkness of the cave spoke to her, whispered with a seductive ease how it would be easy to forget him, forget what was painful. This was her chance to make right what she had made wrong, this was her destiny. To atone for the crimes he'd committed, to ask forgiveness for her failures and wipe the slate clean. Perhaps her soul would be purified by this sacrifice and someday, in another lifetime, they would meet again.

Staring into the black mouth of the cavern, Kagome struggled against those thoughts. She was only a woman, standing alone with a broken sword in her fist, facing nothing less than her own deepest fears. Sweat ran down her face and her body twitched as if an electric current flowed in her veins. As she tried to fight the compulsion to enter that cave, her mind filled with dark water, drowning all sense and reason with the desire to abandon herself to Midoriko's powerful will.

_Enter_.

Kagome didn't move.

_Enter now!_

Slowly, she raised the broken blade. The sharp edge glittered with promise and the swirling clouds began to part. Of course…of course that was the only answer.

_Kagome, don't! _

"You can't stop me," she whispered, her eyes blank and glassy as they filled with darkness. "If this is how it must be, Midoriko, then my answer is still no."

Holding the point of the blade over her throat, Kagome could feel a presence reaching out, trying to keep her arm from moving. Grinding her teeth, she fought it, straining to drive the sharp edge into her flesh. Suddenly she knew what Inuyasha had felt when he'd tried to escape the demons that overwhelmed him. She could see him, bleeding as he tore at his own body to drive them away, banish them with self-destruction.

It would be better to die than be used as their host.

It would be better for her to die than to be used to kill Inuyasha!

"Let me go!" she screamed, raging at the unseen presence in the darkness. "Let me go, goddamn you! I've had enough, I won't do it! I won't kill him!"

"Kagome, stop it!"

Shocked by the reality of that shout, Kagome found herself staring into Shippou's terrified eyes. The light that burned her eyes was a torch in Rin's hands. The girl's face was white, tears streaking her cheeks as she sobbed quietly. Kagome wondered vaguely how they'd gotten here and why Rin was crying.

"Kagome, can you hear me?" Shippou's voice was tense, shaking with strain. "Let go of the sword, Kagome."

She looked down to see her hands around Tessaiga's blade, both of her arms outstretched and trembling as she tried to plunge the rusted point into her throat. Shippou had a death grip on her wrist with one hand while his other held Tessaiga's hilt, trying to pry the sword away from Kagome's grasp without slicing her hands to ribbons.

Kagome squeezed her eyes shut. "Is it really Shippou?" she asked aloud, hating that she couldn't tell reality from her nightmares anymore. "Is…is this another trick?"

"He's real," a pained voice answered her. Kagome forced herself to look down, acknowledge Kohaku's words. On the ground, Natsu had the exterminator sitting up as he clumsily bandaged Kohaku's wounds. The big man wouldn't look at her, his face flushed with shame or anger, maybe just too focused on tending to his boss to spare a crazy woman any attention.

"Kagome?" Worry had etched lines into Shippou's face, the skin around his eyes and mouth was white until she finally released the blade. He exhaled heavily as she let go, allowing the ancient sword to fall at their feet. Dazed, she could only stare at him as he put his hands on her shoulders, grounding her in this world and banishing the visions of death and despair that seemed to haunt her every thought.

Taking in her battered and bruised condition, her shredded clothes and the vivid scratches on her skin, Shippou frowned. Exhaustion made her eyes deep pits, her face thin and worn like brittle silk. Tramping around the forest for hours, only stopping to eat a quick meal, he'd asked Rin to light the torch so they wouldn't trip over tree roots or stumble in the darkness.

Moments later, they'd walked right into a small clearing in the deep forest and his heart almost stopped. Kohaku, dead or unconscious on the ground. Kagome, staring into the quiet forest with a manic expression and about to impale herself on Tessaiga.

_Let me go, goddamn you! I've had enough, I won't do it! I won't kill him!_, she'd screamed and Shippou knew he'd never moved so fast before in his life. A half-second too late and he would have been grieving over her bleeding body as the life ran out and soaked into the soft earth. If they'd hesitated, if they'd stopped to rest, taken a different turn…it would be over for her right now.

"You look like hell," Shippou murmured, keeping his voice soft and easy. Kagome was skittish as a wild rabbit, her eyes darting from side to side and breathing in shallow gasps that hurt to hear. "Why don't you just sit down for a minute, catch your breath and calm down?"

Silently, Rin handed her torch to Natsu and pulled a blanket from her pack. Together, they eased Kagome to the ground and covered her. The night air was chill and they needed to build a fire, get something warm into her before shock could set in. It physically hurt to see how weak she was, how desperate. It had only been three nights since he'd seen her, but it felt like years.

"What happened to them out there?" Rin whispered as Shippou knelt beside her to help with the fire. Her expression was bleak. "It was Inuyasha, wasn't it?"

"I guess." Shippou was surprised at himself, he should be ranting with fury right now. Wasn't this what he'd been afraid of, that Inuyasha would show his monstrous side again and attack the ones who had trusted him?

Instead he could only feel loss and a profound sadness that made all his anger insignificant. Kohaku looked like he'd been beaten half to death. Kagome, dear gods, she looked like she'd been raped until she'd lost her mind. The stark expression on her face, the way her arms had strained against him as she tried to kill herself on Inuyasha's sword…that was something he never wanted to see again.

"Shippou?"

Lost in dark thoughts, he didn't hear Rin speaking to him or feel her hands on his arm as she tried to get his attention. He thought he'd be relieved to find them, but all he felt now was beaten and tired.

"Sorry," Shippou murmured, reaching an arm around Rin's back to comfort himself. Again, her touch supported him when he felt like was going to give up, when he couldn't move forward without suffering. Funny, that she was strong for him now when he'd thought she was just a hateful and spoiled brat. Maybe it was because she didn't have to bear the weight of his memories, but when he turned to look in her eyes, Shippou knew Rin was struggling to accept what Inuyasha had done.

"I wouldn't have believed it," she said quietly, holding tight to his hand. "I didn't want to believe it, Shippou, that he could do something like this." Rin glanced over at the sleeping Kagome and shuddered. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know." Staring into the fire, Shippou couldn't think right now, couldn't summon up the energy to be angry or fight. "I guess we should go back to Shiori and tell her what's happened. At least we were wrong about Kohaku. It looks like he did everything that he could to stop Inuyasha."

"You got it wrong, Shippou."

Kohaku was on his feet, supported by Natsu's arm as he made his way towards them. Bruised and bandaged, he could barely walk and he looked like he was about to be sick on the ground by the time Natsu had helped him sit next to Rin.

"Boss, you shouldn't try to talk," the big man muttered. "I'll carry you home, just try to rest until then. You can sort it out later…"

"No, I can't." Wincing, Kohaku touched the burn scars on the side of his face as if trying to remind himself of where he'd come from. Taking a deep breath, Kohaku faced Rin and Shippou with the resignation of man who was finished with lies and secrets.

"It's time you all knew the truth."

oOo

Staring up at the sky, his eyes followed the round white disc above him for a long time before he realized that it was the moon. His eyes watered and he remembered how to blink. His lips were dry, his throat parched, and he swallowed convulsively, tasting salt and crusted blood in his mouth. Weak as a newborn, the demon was disoriented, reeling as the earth spun and made him feel so dizzy that he might be sick.

"What happened?" he whispered, waiting until the sickening motion stopped and he could raise his head without vomiting on himself. Around him was quiet, a soft breeze that made the long grass whisper in his ears. Strangely, he couldn't remember how he'd gotten to this place or why he was left here.

Time. He'd lost all sense of time. He might have been lying here for days for all he knew. Sensation returned slowly, making his fingers twitch and his legs shake until he found himself scowling at such weakness. He wasn't weak, this he knew in down to his bones. Whatever he was, he wasn't…

Catching his breath in his dry throat, a sudden spasm had him coughing. The demon rolled over, gripping the soft grass in his fists while he struggled to breathe. Exhausted, his terrible thirst was the only thing that kept him from slipping back into blissful unconsciousness.

Water. He needed water and thought he could smell it nearby. No sounds of a gentle stream could be heard, the water he smelled was stale and still. Even a rank puddle held the promise of relief and he was surprised to find that he had strength enough to crawl on his belly towards that promise.

His body was shaking by the time he found it, a rocky crevice in the soft earth, surrounded by more long grass. Deeply grateful, he lay flat on his stomach to lap at the stale water like an old dog that was too tired to stand. Finally, some awareness began to seep back into his addled mind and he sat up, wiping his mouth on the back of his fist.

"Where am I?" No one appeared to answer the question and the demon felt fear as he waited in the silence. It pulled at his nerves, crept down his back with icy feet, a sense of wrongness that made the moonlight into something sinister, the soft breeze a menace.

He was exposed here, alone and abandoned. It made him feel vulnerable, as if he should seek out a den to hide inside. Anywhere else would feel safer than this lonely hilltop, swept by the wind and the light of the full moon, but desolate and barren under the open sky.

Standing, the demon could see the edge of the forest in the distance. Something about the dark line of trees filled him with sorrow, as if its sanctuary was only an illusion. Was he trapped here then, held in check by some nameless menace that wouldn't let him escape? Somewhere beyond those trees was solace that he would never reach, but he couldn't say why.

"Who am I?" His whispered question was caught by the wind and he looked down at his empty hands. He didn't know, he didn't know his own name or why he was here. He didn't know what had brought him to this place that filled him with dread, or if the unease and nameless fear was all his own.

Then, at the moment when panic was starting to hammer in his pulse like a drum, a memory surfaced from the cold void. Just a face, a woman's eyes and lips, her hair tangling in the wind like dark ribbons. Without realizing it, he reached out for her, trying to touch the soft skin before it vanished. His fingertips met the empty air and sadly, he let her go because he had no other choice.

That woman, he'd sworn to protect her, to save her. Disappointment crashed over him, knowing that he'd somehow let her down. If he'd saved her, she'd be beside him right now, holding his hand and letting him rest in her arms.

"I need you," he said, wishing there was a way for her to hear him. "I'm lost without you. I love you and I don't even remember your name…"

Closing his eyes, he felt them start to gather and more memories surfaced. Pain…unrelenting pain! Their rage was building, there was more of them now and he could feel each furious and hateful thought burning at the back of his mind. Their consciousness was like acid eating into his soul, hot and corrosive as a foul miasma, and he knew even without memories that he had no way to resist them, no hope of fighting them off.

They were part of him now. Inside him, burrowing deep with sharp teeth and poison claws. The demon swayed on his feet as the madness began to engulf him, drag him down into the darkness once again.

As he fell to his knees, his body pulsing with their madness and power, the last vestige of his ruined soul surfaced to recall the woman's face one last time and he remembered her name.

_Kagome!_

oOo

As he listened to Kohaku's story, Shippou kept his mouth shut and his jaw clenched against the outrage that threatened to explode from inside him. From time to time, Rin squeezed his hand until her fingernails broke his skin and he concentrated on that tiny pain as a distraction. Not that he didn't want to know the truth, he just wasn't sure he could live with it.

When the exterminator's voice finally ceased, he managed to raise his eyes and glare at Kohaku. "That's it?" he asked, grinding the words between his teeth as if he could crush them to bits. "That's the truth you wanted us to hear? That you betrayed Kagome and let that monster loose on purpose?"

Staring at the fire without seeing it, Kohaku seemed lost in his own regrets. "I made a terrible mistake," he whispered. "I was trying to put an end to it."

Shippou felt nauseous, he wanted to crawl into the bushes and vomit. If he thought too much about it, he surely would be sick. Sango's death was a memory that he'd avoided all these years, too painful and raw to speak of even if he'd wanted to do so. To find that the reality was still more horrifying was something he hadn't prepared himself to face.

"And you helped that thing," he muttered, raking his hand through his hair. "Kohaku, you bastard."

"She was my sister!" Kohaku's anger suddenly blazed, lighting his face with a terrible intensity. "I couldn't leave her like that. What else could I do, I was trying to destroy it!"

"How many people died because of you?" Shippou demanded, getting to his feet and trembling with rage he couldn't vent. "How many, Kohaku? How many more are going to die now? Sango wouldn't have wanted it this way!"

Kohaku's face twisted in pain. "You think I don't know that?" Defeated, he put his head in his hands. "It would have killed Shiori if I hadn't done what it wanted. I knew that Inuyasha had used the jewel and it twisted him. Using him as a sacrifice so that I could put an end to it all was the best I could do. He deserved to die if it meant I could save my sister and protect my family."

Growling in the back of his throat, Shippou squatted down in front of Kohaku so he could be face to face. "It didn't work out like that," he said, pointing a finger at Kohaku's chest. "You're responsible for that monster, Kohaku. Now you can't stop it and it's going to come after Kagome!"

"I know that," Kohaku answered, his voice bleak. "I told her to leave me, let me die. She saved me anyway, Shippou. Even though I betrayed her and Inuyasha, she wouldn't leave me behind. That's why I'm begging you and Rin to help me now. Go to Kouga and Sesshomaru, tell them what happened. If they want to kill me for what I've done, fine. I know I deserve it."

"Kohaku," Rin whispered, wiping her eyes even as she spoke. "What if you're wrong? What if the wolves and the inuyoukai together can't destroy it? Inuyasha was very strong on his own, but you say they overwhelmed him. Now you're saying that there were already demons possessing his body and they've joined with the others?"

Shippou scowled, digging a claw into the ground as he tried to think. "That's what I want to know," he muttered. "Where did they come from and why so much hatred for Kagome? Why are they obsessed with her? It wasn't until Inuyasha used the sacred jewel to become a full youkai that…"

"He didn't"

They all turned to stare as Kagome entered the circle of the campfire. Her face was still exhausted, she barely resembled the girl of years past. Even the beauty that she had grown into was worn away, but in its place was a quiet strength that Shippou had never seen before.

It was as if she had been sculpted by resolution, forged like a blade in the fire of determination. Either that or loss shattered the brittle shell that she had used to protect herself, leaving behind a woman who was naked and fearless in the face of all confrontations.

"Inuyasha didn't use the jewel," Kagome said, her voice quiet. "He didn't wish for this and he never wanted to hurt either of us, Shippou. The jewel used him, broke itself when the demon souls inside saw a chance to escape. Somehow, when he held it in his hand and I used the rosary at the same time, it broke the balance inside the Shikon no Tama."

"Kagome," Shippou burst out, "you can't blame yourself…"

"I don't." She sat down, tucking Rin's blanket around her body as if she needed it to keep herself together. "I don't blame myself or Inuyasha for what happened, not anymore. And I don't blame Kohaku for what's happening now. We all made choices based on our fear rather than our strength. I could have trusted Inuyasha and not used the rosary, he could have trusted himself instead of letting the jewel fill his heart with doubt."

"That's…that's why he pretended to betray us?" Shippou's face was pale, reliving the painful, terrifying moments. "I don't understand."

Kagome shrugged, a sad smile like a ghost on her lips. "He treated you cruelly to drive you away, in case he couldn't control himself. As for me…the demon souls inside him knew that I was the only one who might reach his heart. They wanted me dead, but he couldn't bear to let me go. They could only twist his feelings, but they couldn't make him abandon them."

"Now what?" Rin asked. "If he's gone now, if he's really lost forever…what else can we do, but try to destroy him?"

Kagome sat silent, staring into the fire and watching the flames dance.

Choices made from fear, not from love. That was what Midoriko had meant when she'd said that only one who had loved and lost as she had could be strong enough. Although the priestess had meant that Kagome would be strong enough to destroy what Inuyasha had become, like the warped souls of the Shikon no Tama, she couldn't make Kagome forget that she still loved Inuyasha.

_I think I proved that point_, Kagome thought, remembering the steel and glitter of death. Somehow she knew that Midoriko would not be able to control her, not now when she'd found the resolve to do what she knew was necessary.

Quietly, she pulled Tessaiga from beneath her blanket. Running her hand over the sheathed blade, she felt a debt of gratitude for had done…and what he had not done.

_By your own strength_…

"Rin," she said, passing the sword to the girl. "I want you to hold onto this for Inuyasha. If the worst comes, you can give it to Sesshomaru and tell him that I did my best. Even if he has no use for it, I don't think Inuyasha's father would be happy if this blade was ever in the hands of anyone but his sons."

Rin nodded, holding the blade carefully as if it might break. "I understand," she said softly. "I'll make sure he gets it if Inuyasha…if Inuyasha can't take it back himself. But…what are you going to do, Kagome?"

Indeed. What was she going to do now that she'd refused Midoriko's will?

_Whatever that may be_…

"I'd like to borrow your bow," Kagome said, standing up and walking over to where Rin had left it and her arrows. Slinging them over her shoulder, she found that she was smiling. "In the meantime, Natsu will take Kohaku back to Shiori. She's worried about him."

"Yes, priestess," Natsu answered, respect in his voice for the first time.

"What about us?" Shippou was watching her carefully and had already decided he didn't like what he was about to hear. "You expect me and Rin to just sit here while you try to take him on yourself?"

Kagome gave him a firm look. "Where I'm going, you can't follow," she said with conviction. "I don't think you could even set foot on that hill, am I right?" When Shippou didn't answer, she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"If you can't stand to leave, then wait here for me. I won't be gone for long."

Shippou gripped her hand tightly, pressing it to his cheek as if promising to wait here forever. She could see the love in his eyes, but it was the right kind of love this time instead of misplaced desire.

_By her own strength_…

"What are you going to do?"

_Her strength was, and always had been, her love for Inuyasha_.

"I'm taking him back," Kagome said, her voice absolute, certain as a sacred and solemn vow.

"I'm going to save Inuyasha."

oOo

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	37. ThirtySeven

**Sorry for the wait! I was abducted by aliens…they made me their queen and after helping to repopulate their species, I was allowed to return home.**

_**Possession 37**_

The woman knelt on the ground, her hands folded in her lap as she bowed her head.

"Please," she murmured. "I know you don't understand me, but I need this. I need to be at your side. If you abandon me now..."

She was right, he didn't understand. The words she spoke were meaningless sounds that slipped inside his ears only long enough to annoy him. He understood the taste of blood, crimson and rich. He understood the cold, pale moon that rose in the sky like a bloated goddess. The whisper of night, the fury of the kill and the need to hunt his prey were things he was born to understand.

He did not understand this woman.

Slowly, he dropped to a crouch and waited for her to look at him. When she raised her eyes, he suddenly remembered the words of human speech. So that was it, she wanted to stay with him. She needed him.

Understanding her at last, he smiled and licked his lips. Her expression flickered fearfully when he pulled her into his arms.

oOo

On the morning of the third day, Shippou knew that Kagome wasn't coming back. Rin didn't say anything when he slowly started to gather up the bits and pieces of their meager campsite, tucking away the extra blanket and cooking pot that Natsu had left behind. Watching him accept the reality made her ache, but there was nothing else she could do.

As she sat on the ground, knees pulled up to her chin and gripping Tessaiga's scabbard like the ancient sword would give her strength, Rin wondered when she'd started to care so much about him. The redhaired kitsune wasn't a close friend, wasn't someone she'd shared all that much time with, but somehow his presence had become deeply important to her.

When he finally seemed ready, staring into the forest with a sort of hopeless resolve, she got to her feet and rested her hand on his arm. "What…what should we do?" she asked, hating the timid sound of her own question.

"I've thought about it," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck as if it could ease his anxiety. "There's nothing we can do here, Rin. We have to do what Kagome wanted."

At her concerned expression, he smiled sadly. "We'll go to Kouga first, the wolves are closest so if Inuyasha…" Shippou stopped, swallowing hard as if the words themselves were stuck in his throat. "We'll warn them he could be heading their way."

"Is that what Kagome really wants?" Rin searched Shippou's face for any trace of anger, vengeful need and found nothing. Instead, he only looked like he was weary of regret, of every word spoken in heated anger or jealousy, and a deep sadness had settled over his soul.

"Not really," he answered, covering her hand with his own. "I think she'd rather be here and telling us that everything was going to be okay. Since she's not…"

Unable to help herself, Rin put her arms around Shippou and pressed her face into his chest. "You don't know for sure," she whispered. "You don't know that she's dead, Shippou. We can't give up on her now."

The weight of his arms around her shoulders surprised her and Shippou leaned heavily into Rin like she was only thing keeping him on his feet. "You think so?" he asked, his words stirring her hair as if he were grasping for any reason to hope. "She went after him. From what Kohaku told us, Kagome doesn't stand a chance against what Inuyasha is now. "

Rin put her fingers against his lips to hold back his doubts. "Even so, she knew that and went after Inuyasha anyway. If she believes that she can reach him, believes it enough that she went after him on her own, I believe in her and so should you."

His eyes brightened at her words and while he didn't smile, she felt some of the defeat lifted from his body as if she'd managed to take a burden from him. Suddenly, she realized that they were still holding each other and flushed. Rin dropped her eyes to the ground, hoping he didn't notice her embarrassed face or think that she was less than serious about this.

"I think we should go back to Kohaku's village," she said, taking her time and choosing her words carefully. "We should try to find out what he's planning before we go to Kouga. And find out if Shiori is okay," she added quickly when she saw a scowl drop over Shippou's face. "They know this part of the forest better than we do and if Kohaku knows a way to track them…"

He immediately understood where she was going. "Kagome might still be searching for Inuyasha," he said, "that's why she didn't come back. We only came here because this was as far as Natsu could take us." Shippou shuddered, thinking of that dead and barren hilltop where even setting foot on the ground filled him with dread. It hadn't affected Rin as much and he thought maybe that why she was more hopeful.

What she said about Kohaku's hunters knowing the forest made sense too.

"Let's go," she said, squeezing his hand quickly and smiling like everything would be okay just because she said so. Shippou stared at her, wondering what happened to the jealous, stubborn brat he'd met just a few weeks earlier. Then he felt a twinge of pure embarrassment himself as he realized she was probably thinking the same thing about him.

"All right," he said gruffly, taking Rin's pack and slinging it over his shoulder. It would take at least a day to get back to Kohaku's village, probably another three or four to reach Kouga. He hoped they hadn't waited too long here. He hoped that they were giving Kagome enough time to find Inuyasha.

Most of all, he hoped that Rin was right about not giving up on them both.

oOo

Cold wind whipped around her ankles, plastering her hakama against her legs and tangling her hair. Realizing that she needed more rest than she'd been willing to give herself, Kagome stopped and sank to her knees. She was tired, certainly quite tired, but the woman that Kagome used to be would never recognize her now.

Eyes turned towards the sky, Kagome unwrapped the last bit of dried fish that Shippou had given her, mindlessly bringing the food to her mouth and chewing as her senses spiraled outwards, searching for him. No, she couldn't pause for long even though her body begged for her to listen. Inuyasha travelled swiftly, much faster than a human woman could match.

If she didn't stay alert, she might lose him.

Kagome washed down the dry fish with a swallow of tasteless water and grimaced. She'd been lucky so far, remembering more of how to forage for herself and silently thanked Kaede for all of her patient teaching so long ago.

Although there was no way the old woman could have known that her young student would someday face such dire necessity.

_No, that's not it_, Kagome thought as she continued to study the darkening sky. She was here by choice, not necessity. It was her own decision, not that she was lost or without other options. She left Shippou and Rin to go after Inuyasha because she had questions that needed answers. She'd never rest easy if she didn't try to reach him one last time.

If there was anything left to reach, even a shred of his soul left behind after the demons consumed him. If he remembered her, then she might have a chance, slight though it was. She was possibly heading straight to her own death, but if some part of Inuyasha was still inside and fighting to survive, then she might have that chance.

If he didn't kill her because there was nothing inside to quell the darkness that raged for blood. Remembering the fury and malice of the monster, the rage and insanity in his burning eyes made her feet freeze to the ground and her heart quail with panic. Kagome was quite certain that she didn't want to die and that she wasn't consumed by self-destruction.

It was just that there was nobody else, so it had to be her.

She was the only one desperate enough to throw herself right into the teeth of that monster. She was too stubborn and angry to give up now. She loved him and hated him with the same breathless passion, had wept for his sake and cursed him bitterly in the night. With the stark reality staring her in the face like an accusation, Kagome realized that everything she'd endured had led her to this place.

_I will save you, Inuyasha_, she told herself over and over. She wouldn't abandon him or accept defeat, never again. She would spend forever here and not be satisfied until she found a way to take him back.

Now, under a cold gray sky with the wind pulling at her hair and clothing, she felt a chill run down her spine that had nothing to do with the temperature of the air. Immediately wary, she searched the waving grass until her eyes were drawn to a deep shadow at the edge of the forest.

"There you are," she murmured, spotting the crouching figure that was almost invisible in the deepening gloom. She'd felt him watching her for days, tasted his presence at night when she huddled beside her tiny campfire. It was something like being protected by a wild animal that wouldn't approach, yet also refused to allow any other creature near. For that reason alone, Kagome was able to get what little uncomfortable rest that she could.

Slowly, she stood and let her shoulders relax, turning her palms towards him to show that they were empty. A strange sort of gesture, as if a weapon wouldn't have been useless anyway. Rin's bow and her few arrows were left on the ground beside the small pack Kagome carried and she took a hesitant step forward, not taking her eyes from the shadow of the trees. As she drew closer, one step at a time, she could see a glimmer of pale hair and pick out the deep red of his clothing against the darkness.

_He's letting me come near_, she thought, her pulse starting to race. After days of not seeing his face, only the vaguest instinct guiding her direction, she was nearly delirious with hope. Kagome licked her dry lips and tried to keep calm as he let her approach him, the dangerous aura of demon _youki_ hiding his intentions as thoroughly as if he'd been covered by a dark veil.

Finally she stopped, unable to force herself to get any closer because her body was trembling. It was this dark energy that scared her, not any physical threat or show of force. She'd sensed it in the forest while trying to follow him, slept fitfully because the presence of it rubbed her nerves raw. Still, she didn't come all this way just to cower and run away from him.

"Inuyasha," she murmured, holding out her hand. "Do you know me? My name is…"

He charged at her faster than her eyes could follow and Kagome cried out, instinctively ducking to protect herself. When she looked up, he was gone, the air still trembling in the wake of his passing. Suddenly weak, she sank to her knees again and let herself feel all the aches and misery of her tired body just so that she wouldn't start crying.

So close, so close that she could almost see his face and meet his eyes. That was what she really wanted, to look into his eyes and see if Inuyasha was looking back. She really thought she'd seen it once, but it wasn't enough. Chasing the ghost of her love, a tangible ghost with claws and teeth, sinew and bone, was all the more frustrating because he wouldn't let her get close enough to touch.

This wasn't what she'd expected when she'd made her decision to save him.

The morning that she'd left Shippou and Rin, the sky was sullen and gray after a hesitant dawn. Kagome smiled to herself as she remembered their serious faces so tense with concern. She hoped they didn't wait for too long, huddled with worry and anxious for her return.

No, she didn't think so. Shippou and Rin would have returned to Kohaku's village, hopefully able to lend Shiori the support she needed when she had to confront her husband and his secrets. Somehow, she knew that they would find a way to deal with the mistakes he'd made and the awful burden he'd been unable to share.

It wasn't her responsibility to absolve Kohaku for what he'd done. He'd have to find forgiveness somewhere inside himself, same as she had, in order to move forward. Quite simply, hatred was exhausting whether directed inward or outward, and Kagome no longer had energy to spare for such destructive emotions.

She was more than willing to forgive Kohaku or anyone else who might have wronged her if it meant she would be able to save Inuyasha. A difficult road she'd travelled, a path she feared to walk, but it brought her back to Inuyasha's side and not for the reasons of a vengeful heart.

At least that's what she told herself when she left Shippou and Rin and headed back to that dead place where Inuyasha lost everything. As soon as she'd stepped on the withered grass, she'd felt a tremor run through her body as if she'd plunged her foot into icy water. Whatever had been holding together the illusion of life was long gone, wasted and abandoned like the dead shell of a devoured corpse.

Kagome shuddered, raising her eyes to the ruined temple where Kohaku had taken refuge against the tormented demon souls clinging to his sister's lifeless body. Not there. She wasn't going to set foot in that place again, the place that had nearly become both hers and Kohaku's tomb. Instead, she let her steps carry her without thinking too deeply, the bottoms of her sandals slipping on the dry grass and kept her gaze on the cold horizon.

There was nothing to suggest that Inuyasha was anywhere near, no signs of destruction or bloodshed. Instead, she'd swear that the hillside had been wiped clean of any hint of _youki_, not so much as a broken blade of grass showed sign of struggle. This was where she'd seen it, where she'd seen Inuyasha fall under a writhing mass of demonic forms, swallowed up only to be reborn as something menacing and monstrous.

She shook her head, pushing those thoughts away. "I'm not afraid of you either," she whispered to the demon lurking in her mind. If the Inuyasha she found was deranged and thirsty for her blood, it was a chance she had to take. Not that she liked the idea one bit, not any more than she'd liked Midoriko's will that Inuyasha would be destroyed by her hands.

What she could destroy, then she could also save. When she was fifteen, she'd had the kind of stubborn optimism that refused to bullied into despair. Reaching deep inside once again, she found that it wasn't naivety or foolishness that gave her strength. It was love, unselfish and openhearted, and believing in the best possible chances because she did not deserve anything less so neither did Inuyasha.

However, it was still something that wouldn't help her right now. After walking for most of the day, climbing over the hill and into steadily wilder forest, Kagome wondered how she was going to find him. She had no choice but to wander alone, blindly trust in herself and the decisions she made.

As the sky grew darker, Kagome told herself that the first night would be the most difficult. Utterly alone, she built a small fire and forced herself to eat. This was the price for her decision, the long night when she'd be the most vulnerable and alone with her fears.

"I didn't find you today," she murmured, feeding twigs to her fire with more care than she'd fed herself a meal. "I miss you more than you can guess, Inuyasha. All those years I spent trying not to remember, I got pretty good at forgetting about you. Now all I want is to see you again."

She should be frightened right now, she should be shivering with doubt. It wasn't the case as she found, instead wrapping herself in those memories and feelings that had once been the very soul of her worst fears and secret shame. Pulling her blanket tight around her shoulders, Kagome closed her eyes and let herself slip into the past.

The warmth of Inuyasha's back as he carried her so many years ago, the feel of his body as he leapt effortlessly across the trees. His long hair, smelling slightly of lush forest and the faint musk of clean sweat. Her fingers clenched in the tough material of his firerat haori, feeling the rough texture of it between her bare thighs, the sharp tips of his claws, and her awareness of his hands under her knees.

It was when she'd first become conscious of her desire for him, a blossoming attraction to this blustering and strangely vulnerable young man. Although she'd realized early that she was in love with him, it was the pure of and bright love of an innocent heart. It wasn't until later that she'd lie awake at night, safe at home and in her comfortable bed, and find herself thinking about him in a way that made her pulse race and her breath catch in the back of her throat.

Sighing to herself, Kagome rested her head on her folded arms and listened to the sound of the crackling fire. She'd been a girl immersed in a fairy tale, romantic and idealistic because it was only natural for her to be swept away by romantic ideals. Just as she became aware of her own feelings, the way the muscles of his shoulders felt when she put her arms around his neck and the way her heart would pound suddenly when their bodies were close together, those feelings made her more afraid of herself than she'd ever been of him.

She managed to fall asleep that first night only because her body was exhausted and her mind was soothed by happier memories of the past. The warmth of those days wrapped themselves around her, keeping away the chill of the night and doubts of reality. The small fire was only glowing ash, its light and crackle fading slowly as the forest slept around her, stirring only when the first hint of dawn brightened the sky.

Kagome shivered as cool air brushed across her cheek, the blanket sliding from her shoulder as she curled into a ball. She wasn't ready to wake yet, didn't want to open her eyes. She'd been dreaming of him, as if he didn't already fill all of her waking thoughts. The illusion had been so sweet, the dreaming part of her mind refused to give it up.

Lying on her side, he was behind her and tracing the line of her shoulder with a single finger. She could almost feel his breath stirring her hair, the rise and fall of her breathing matching that hesitant touch. Murmuring sweetly, she pressed herself into his warm embrace, the solid shape of his upper body fitted to the curve of her back.

She'd had this dream before, waking to berate herself for being disappointed when she'd find the other side of the bed cold and empty. Even those times when she'd woken with another man beside her, Kagome was fiercely angry with herself for letting Inuyasha's presence invade her dreams again. As the years rolled slowly by, those dreams had become fewer and Kagome refused to allow herself any regret for their absence.

Now…now she could pull him closer in her heart, grateful for the illusion of his warmth, the memory of her love no longer a burden. Instead, it became the core of her strength, the dream no longer reminding her of her own losses, only the promise of a brighter future. She was done with running from her feelings, just as she swore she'd never again push him away.

His palm cupped her bare shoulder as she felt him lean closer, sniffing hesitantly at her hair. Without waking fully, she reached for his hand and curled her fingers around his as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His skin was warm and slightly rough, his fingers felt strong and the sharp claws so real that she flinched involuntarily and came fully awake.

Kagome opened her eyes, focusing on the remains of her campfire and the dry leaves she'd used to cushion her makeshift bedding. Her head was heavy, her body stiff, and as she shifted her hips to a more comfortable position, his bright red sleeve fell across her face.

His hand pulled out of her grip so quickly that she didn't have time to reach for him again. Kagome struggled to free herself from the tangle of blanket and hakama that had twisted around her legs, stumbling as she got to her feet and threw herself blindly after him. In the gloom of the early dawn, she couldn't see past the thick brush that rustled around her. The forest was still dark and her feet bare, she knew it was stupid of her to charge after him when she might fall on her face.

"Inuyasha!" She called out his name as she pushed forward, small branches slapping her in the face and tearing at her hair. She knew he could hear her voice, probably see her as she fought to follow him. Only silence answered her, the sound of her gasping breath echoing in her ears. Biting back frustrated tears, Kagome stopped and leaned heavily against a tree to steady her shaking legs.

So close, why did he come so close only to run away?

She brushed her hair away from her face and hissed when a low, thorny branch scratched her arm. It caught her sleeve and she yanked hard to free herself, pulling at the offending plant until it broke off in her hand. Kagome stared at the twig, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself before unwinding a strand or two of long silvery hair from the thorns.

_He's still alive_, she told herself as she watched the strands drift away, falling from her fingertips to lose themselves in the gloom of the forest. _I'm still alive. That means there's still hope for him. I have to believe in that for now_.

And she still believed it, although it had been days since he'd come that close to her again. Days spent wandering aimlessly, without intention. Kagome had no destination in mind and set herself as easy a path she could through the forest. Her best guess was that she was heading east, setting herself in the direction of the sunrise every morning because she didn't have any better ideas.

Inuyasha…whatever he was now, he was following her.

Kagome didn't know why, couldn't guess why, or what he was thinking. Only that his presence was always near now, shadowing her silently and unseen as the wind, constant and inescapable as the night sky. It comforted her as she sat waiting, night after lonely night. She was grateful too, because she didn't think she could have tracked him on her own. All she had to rely on was the resolution that guided her so far.

Making her way back to where she'd stopped for the night, she saw something huddled on the ground next to her pack. A freshly killed rabbit, its neck broken so quickly that the small creature probably never even felt the blow. Her fingers were shaking as she reached out to stroke the soft fur, sadness and gratitude welling from some place deep inside her body.

"You're still watching over me, aren't you?" she whispered. He ran away from her touch, but left behind food like an apology. He hid from her eyes by daylight, but in the night she felt his presence standing guard. The dark and malevolent energy clung to him like warning, but in that split second before he'd charged at her, she thought that she'd seen the shimmer of his eyes.

Gold breaking through darkness, light hidden by shadow and maybe, she prayed to any deity that might listen, behind that wild demon she'd find not a dreaded monster, but her beloved Inuyasha.

oOo

"You back here again?" It was the same sneering tone that Rin vividly remembered from the first time they'd met Natsu, but this time it seemed like something was missing. There was no weight of hatred behind his words, or anger, not even contempt. Instead she thought it was something like relief to see them alive, although it had not been more than a few days since they'd parted.

"You can't get rid of us that easily," she answered, smiling at the older man as if he'd given her the most pleasant of good mornings. Natsu snorted at her confidence, instead sliding his gaze to Shippou's sullen face.

"Thought you'd make for your cozy den," he said, watching the young kitsune carefully. "Don't you think you'd be better off with your own kind, brat? Or is the little girlie here still running the show?"

Shippou didn't react to Natsu's taunt, not so much as a flicker of anger crossed his face. "We just came here to speak to Shiori, that's all."

Natsu looked away from them, his face slightly reddened as if he regretted trying to get a rise out of Shippou. "You know the way," he said gruffly, gathering up a pile of bundles that he'd set down when they entered the village. Rin noticed for the first time that the place seemed emptier, only a few men still here and there, loading handcarts with what looked like most of the village's possessions.

"Natsu-san." Rin caught his sleeve. "What happened here? Where are all the women and children? Are you leaving this place?"

"Yeah," he said, sounding tired to the bone. "Ain't safe here, no way to tell what's coming at us if we're so deep in the forest. Boss…" Natsu cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. "Boss says he no longer controls those things, those demons that used to look to him for help. Says they've got good cause to be angry with him."

"He's right," Shippou said coldly. "There's a lot of people who are angry with Kohaku."

Edging closer, Rin put her hand on Shippou's wrist to remind him that now was not the time to air those grievances. "Wasn't that what he was afraid of?" she asked quietly. When Natsu didn't answer she realized the truth was far more grim.

Kohaku had never intended to return to his village or his wife after what he'd done. If the souls of the demons he'd slaughtered bore a grudge, he'd be their first target once they had control of Inuyasha's body. Having fulfilled his role in their bargain, Sango's brother was no longer necessary now that they had what they wanted.

"Said he was going to stay here in case it came hunting for him," Natsu muttered. "Told me I'm in charge of things now and we need to leave. If I'd known what he planned from the start…"

"You would have stopped him," Rin said softly. "Of course, he knew that. It's why he didn't tell you or Shiori what was really going on."

"She won't leave him." Shippou squeezed her hand as if to comfort them both. "You know she won't, Rin."

Taking a deep breath, Rin stepped away from Shippou and Natsu. The lives that Kohaku had gambled with while expecting to sacrifice himself were far too expensive, and too innocent, to bear the cost of his death. Still, Kagome saved Kohaku's life even after he'd betrayed her and all but murdered Inuyasha. Done so because she thought Sango's brother needed to live and see his child be born, to hold his wife's hand and protect the ones he loved.

He was wrong to give up now. He needed to live because otherwise Kagome's sacrifice would mean nothing and Rin could not let that happen. Inuyasha used to call her a pigheaded, spoiled little brat. Well, they were going to find out exactly how stubborn this pigheaded, spoiled brat could be!

"Someone needs make him see that," she said, raising her chin and squaring her shoulders as if getting ready for a fight. "I'm not going to let him run away from what he's done."

With Shippou right behind her, Rin stamped up to the door and shoved the mat aside without even asking permission. "Kohaku," she began, "how can you…"

Looking up at her in surprise was Shiori, who was on the floor with her bulging belly exposed and a drape over her legs for modesty. Next to her was a very disapproving old woman who was rinsing her hands in a bowl. Rin's eyes went wide, the words drying on her tongue and she stopped so suddenly that Shippou ran right into her and nearly knocked her down.

The startled kitsune took one look at the two women on the floor, flushed as red as his hair and bolted back out the doorway. From outside they heard his horrified and suddenly very young sounding voice.

"Forgive me for intruding!"

Kaede turned to pat Shiori's belly before helping her to close her yukata. "Just as well the baby isn't being born right now," she murmured, amused. "I don't think that boy can take much more."

A nervous giggle escaped Rin's throat and she clapped her hand over her mouth. "Shiori," she mumbled through her fingers, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just burst in here."

"I'm fine," the small hanyou girl answered, grunting as Kaede helped her to stand. "Kaede-sama is just here to make sure I'm able to travel. We don't have much time, but I don't want to go into labor before we get there."

"You're going?" Rin was thoroughly confused, her angry speech for Kohaku all but forgotten. "But Kohaku is staying here, I thought…"

"He is not staying here," Kaede said severely, the scowl crinkling around the patch over her eye made her look like someone not to be crossed. "He will see his wife to their new home or he will be tied and dragged along like a willful goat."

"It's a mistake," came Kohaku's quiet, almost whispering voice. Slumped in the corner, Rin hadn't noticed his presence in the room before he spoke. He seemed swallowed by the shadows and when she saw a look of intense pain cross Shiori's face, the anger in her stomach started to simmer again.

"Rin, make them understand." Kohaku's wounds had been freshly bandaged but Rin was shocked to see how weak he looked. "I'm only a danger to her now. Please, I've given up everything just to keep Shiori safe. "

She opened her mouth but again the words wouldn't come. It seemed they weren't needed either, because Shiori suddenly covered her face and sobbed into her hands.

"How is dying going to keep me safe?" she asked, tears streaking her cheeks. "Didn't you say that we wouldn't let anything keep us apart? Was that just another lie, Kohaku?"

Shamed, he stared down at his hands. "I tried to make Natsu leave me in the forest, but he refused," the young man said. "I can't even walk right now, so how can I protect you from anything?"

"Maybe you should let someone else worry about the protecting and just be with Shiori because she needs you." On the other side of the doorway, Shippou seemed to have found his voice now that he'd realized the terrible danger of a newborn baby wasn't imminent.

Rin's mouth twitched in a smile in spite of the tense atmosphere. The kitsune still made no move to come inside the hut.

"Look, if it was up to me, I'd leave your ass here," Shippou continued, sounding more like Inuyasha or perhaps Kouga than Rin had ever heard before. "That's not gonna happen because then Shiori is the one who gets hurt. Don't you think it's time you thought about what she wants?"

"I'm her husband," Kohaku muttered defensively, looking away from Rin as his face flushed red. Shippou had been unconscious when Inuyasha confronted Kohaku about the dangers Shiori faced, but he was still hitting all the young exterminator's sore points like they were targets for his words.

"Too bad for you," Shippou snapped, disgusted by Kohaku and his excuses. "Maybe Inuyasha hit you hard enough to splatter your brains around in your skull. If you could get away now, you would have already done it. One more good smack to the head might solve all your problems, but it would be easier on her if you'd quit feeling sorry for yourself and just go."

"Yes." Shiori knelt at his side, picking up Kohaku's hand to press it to her wet face. "It would be so much easier if you'd just come with us. I'm not letting you stay here without me."

Kohaku leaned against the wall, exhausted, but with a weak smile for Shiori. "I keep trying to do the right thing," he said softly, "but all I do is make things worse. I was an idiot to think I could keep this from you."

"Yes," Shiori said again, brushing the back of her fingers against Kohaku's cheek. "An idiot and I'm sick of both fighting and secrets. Please Kohaku, I won't let you be alone this time."

Realizing that the time was right for the young couple to have a private conversation, Kaede took Rin's arm and shuffled towards the door. "I'm rather tired myself," she said. "Help an old woman to sit down outside."

Shippou caught her other arm to help her and wondered silently how old Kaede really was. She'd seemed ancient and indestructible when he'd first met her, smiling down at an orphaned fox-child like she was pleased to have him in her home.

At the time, Shippou stayed close to Kagome because she was kind and treated him like family simply because he'd lost his own. It hadn't made him trust all humans though and he'd been just a little skeptical about staying in a village, in the home of a woman who surely bore no love of demons. Even ones that were small and friendly.

"You know Shiori is a hanyou," he said as soon as Kaede was settled.

The old woman sighed. "Of course. I knew the first time that I met her when she was already Kohaku's wife. I warned him that he was playing a dangerous game, but that no longer matters. It seems that Kohaku was keeping far worse secrets than his half-demon wife."

Reaching out to grasp Shippou's hand, Kaede seemed to be trying to bring herself to speak. When she could, she asked what had to be asked.

"Kagome?"

"We waited for three days," Rin said so that Shippou wouldn't have to. "She didn't come back."

"She said she won't give up on him," Shippou answered, his voice quiet and calm. "I believe her. If anyone can reach Inuyasha now, it can only be Kagome."

Kaede regarded him seriously, squinting a little with her one good eye that was growing dimmer with age. "Then we must leave Inuyasha to her," she said as if it was reasonable and not their only choice. "But now we must leave this place, this forest. There has been too much blood spilled here for the dead to rest easily."

"What are you afraid of, Kaede-sama?"

The old woman smiled kindly at Rin. "I'm not afraid, child. At my age, I can only hope for an end to this bloodshed. Kohaku said that the demons intend to create their own Shikon no Tama inside the body of Inuyasha. That was something Kohaku didn't plan for when he wanted to free his sister's soul from them."

Standing again, Shippou rubbed the back of his neck and stared out at the thick forest. "I have to warn Kouga," he said almost to himself. "He's already moving closer to the river because he's afraid of another ambush. The caves near the old village will provide shelter and less chance of getting trapped during an attack."

"The village near what was called Inuyasha's Forest?" The old woman's voice was suddenly sharp with alarm. "That is where the people from this village are heading right now. Will the wolf youkai attack them?"

"Kouga doesn't attack women and kids," he answered. It made him angry that Kaede would suspect such a thing. "Not like the bastards here…" He caught himself and then grimaced, remembering when there was a time that Kouga would have no problem doing just that. He took a deep breath so he could choose his words more calmly.

"He wouldn't do something like that now."

"Are you sure?" Rin tried to keep her voice even, knowing how Shippou would feel he had to defend his foster parents. "The wolves suffered a lot because of what Kohaku's men did, much more than the inuyoukai. If there is any kind of misunderstanding…"

She didn't have to finish, the ugly thought was vivid in their minds.

"We've wasted too much time," Kaede said heavily, sounding more exhausted by the moment. "Some of the hunters are already there and preparing for the ones who left yesterday morning. I will not be able to move quickly, Kohaku is still injured and Shiori will not leave him behind. Shippou…"

"I can get there before them," he said immediately. "I know that you don't trust youkai, but please believe me." He put his hands on the old woman's shoulders and hoped that somehow she could. "Kouga is a wolf demon, but he does not want to fight them. He only wants to protect his own pack."

"Will he listen to you?" Rin had been worrying about it ever since Kohaku had told them to convince the wolves and Sesshomaru to find Inuyasha. Shippou made a mistake in bringing the youkai hunters to Kouga's den, she didn't think the wolf's tolerance could be tested much more.

"I'll make him listen," Shippou snapped, "even if I have to sit on him to do it. Ayame will also hear me and if anyone can keep Kouga from doing something stupid it's going to be her."

She had to smile at the determination in his voice. Overwhelming defeat and despair had been weighing Shippou down, a heavy burden on his back since they had first learned of Kohaku's deception. Rin could understand why after watching Shippou struggle to put aside the past. Everything he'd feared was happening again, Inuyasha probably lost in mindless rage, Kagome somewhere in that forest without anyone to defend her.

"You're not alone this time," Rin murmured. Shippou glanced down at her, frowning until she gave him a playful shove.

"We're going to make Kouga listen," she said, feeling almost happy about trying to persuade the stubborn wolf. "Just like Kagome would want, we're not going to give up."

oOo

She wasn't giving up, but she wondered how long she keep going. Days of wandering, the weeks before that of traveling and enduring hardships had taken their toll. She wasn't a demon or hanyou, not a soldier or warrior either. It seemed so long ago that she'd kept her body in excellent physical condition simply because it was an asset that gave her advantages.

Now that body was telling Kagome it had suffered enough, willed to its limit by her desperate need.

Hunched over and wrapped in her single blanket, Kagome was too tired to even think of taking care of herself. She'd become weaker as the days passed and now a light fever drove her to rest when she didn't want to. She was also sore, her feet hurt and her muscles protested even the simplest movement. She wasn't giving up, refused to even think about it, but…now there was no other choice.

She had to rest even if it meant that she lost track of Inuyasha and had to start all over again. That thought was like a painful spike to her chest, but Kagome told herself that it didn't matter how long it took. Too many times she'd stumbled, too many times betrayed by her own indecision. Now she couldn't be denied, couldn't be turned away by hardships or distraction.

Luckily, she was able to find a small clearing on the heavily forested hillside to make camp. She managed to rig a crude shelter of fallen branches and gathered a pile of leaves for her bedding. There was a stream close by that she could reach for water, and while food was a more pressing concern, Kagome had no appetite anyway. She dreamed of hot tea, wrapping her hands around a steaming cup and inhaling the delicate fragrance.

Was it only a few weeks ago that she'd turned up her nose at her mother's tea because it wasn't the coffee that she craved?

"Idiot," she muttered, rubbing her cheek on her sleeve. Idiot for being so stubborn, for wasting so much time away from her family. She finally realized the truth during one of these restless, lonely nights. She'd avoided coming home not only because of the memories of the girl she'd been, but because somewhere inside her, that girl was ashamed of the woman she'd become.

She wasn't ashamed anymore. She wasn't afraid. For these things alone, Kagome was quietly grateful. It was worth losing everything to find herself again.

Sighing, she tried to get comfortable enough to sleep. As soon as she'd had a chance to rest a bit, she'd start again. No thoughts of failure entered her mind, focusing only on her need to find him. Inuyasha. He couldn't be far away, not when he was so close in her thoughts. She wondered if it was possible that he was still following her, if he was watching over her right now.

As the daylight slowly faded, mists rose from the forest floor like ghostly memories of the past. A damp chill settled over Kagome's tiny campsite and when the first drops of rain whispered through the leaves, she was very glad that she had shelter. Already exhausted, being soaked would have made her miserable and while the rain meant that a fire was out of the question, at least she was dry.

"I'm so tired," she murmured, pulling her knees up to her chest. Kagome closed her eyes, listening to the faint patter of the rain and inhaling the rich scent of damp forest. It was comforting, familiar and soothing. How many times had she and her friends waited out a storm together? Finding shelter together in an abandoned hut or empty shrine, laughing and telling stories until the rain passed never seemed a hardship.

She missed Sango and Miroku so much that it made her ache. She'd forced herself to forget everything about this part of her life, as though by denying the happier memories, she could somehow banish the worst. Now, she willed them to life, remembering the color of Miroku's eyes and the blush on Sango's cheeks when he teased her. She could see Shippou as a child, curled up with Kirara's tails wrapped around his waist.

The taste of Kaede's cooking when they'd come back to the village and she'd insist they have a hot meal. The crackle of the fire and the delicious steam rising from her bowl as she gobbled down as much as she could hold. Then at night with her friends around her, she would sleep soundly and safely. As always, the last one to fall asleep would be Inuyasha, sitting with his back against the wall and Tessaiga in his lap.

More than once she'd woken, surrounded by shadows and seen him watching her, the flicker of the dying fire in his eyes. Each time their eyes met in silent acknowledgment before she drifted off to sleep again. Neither of them mentioned it by day because at the time it felt as natural as breathing, as warm as if he'd taken her in his arms.

She missed that feeling of having friends that she loved and trusted. That sense of belonging, of being protected and having something to protect. Her body exhausted, her mind lulled by fond memories found in the sound of a gentle rain, Kagome relaxed and let herself fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

oOo

The crash of thunder and the clamor of a sudden downpour jolted her awake. Kagome sat up, struggling to free herself from her soggy blanket. The branches and leaves that she'd used as a shelter had collapsed around her in the torrent of a storm. Now the slightly sunken clearing was rapidly filling with water and Kagome could hear the rushing of the nearby stream.

Moving quickly, she snatched up Rin's bow and slung the small quiver of arrows over her shoulder before reaching for her pack. She didn't carry much, only a few supplies. Kagome had already run out of the dried travel provisions and was surviving on wild roots and other edible plants. Still, she would miss her only knife and the metal bowl she used for a cooking pot.

After stuffing her few belongings inside the pack, she was trying to wring excess water from her completely soaked blanket when she heard a crunching sound like branches being snapped under pressure. Warily, she raised her eyes to scan the steep hillside for the source. Ribbons of water were pouring down the hill, snaking between the trees and turning the ground to muddy sludge.

"God, no," she whispered, face upturned and rain streaming from her hair. The soft, loose earth of the forest floor, unable to hold the weight of soaked leaves and brush, was starting to move towards her. Kagome knew how much devastation a sudden mudslide could cause, even a small displacement could start a rolling progression that grew until it was unstoppable.

She swallowed hard, letting her blanket slide from her hands and the pack hit the ground at her feet. Slipping and stumbling, she started down the hill as quickly as she could manage. Behind her, the crunching sound grew louder and she knew better than to look over her shoulder right now.

"Come on," she panted, breathless and trying not to panic. Going faster now, she caught herself against tree trunks and brambles, scratching her hands and face, but at least keeping her feet. Water was running ahead of her now, pooling around her ankles with a deceptively gentle rush as she tried to outrun the deluge.

Coughing, she stumbled badly and had to cling to a slender tree to keep from falling on her face. To her right was a rocky slope and Kagome turned towards higher ground without hesitation. The rough boulders were unlikely to be washed away unless the entire hillside was about to go and if she climbed up the rocks, then maybe she'd be out of immediate danger.

Hauling herself up by her arms, she found that her feet had nowhere to go, sliding into the soft, muddy ground. She crawled on her hands and knees until she felt safe from the washed out hillside. Of all the damned luck, there hadn't been any rain for days but she nearly got herself killed in a flash flood because she'd picked the exact wrong place to make camp.

"Now what?" she muttered, settling herself on the rocks to wait out the rest of the storm. She was drenched to the skin, covered in mud, aching and bruised from her headlong run for safety. Shivering, she pulled her knees to her chest and put her head on her arms.

_I'm not going to cry_…

Kagome dug her fingernails into her arms, pinching herself because even that tiny pain gave her some other focus than the overwhelming despair. Was she supposed to just give up on him? Maybe it was time for her to stop kidding herself. She'd already had everything ripped away from her, lost herself for his sake. What else did she have left?

Only her life. Once she would have stayed at his side, followed him to the end of the world. The child that she'd been expected no more, no less. The woman she was now wasn't so naïve to think of her life as sufficient sacrifice. That wasn't going to be enough this time. Not nearly enough.

Chilled to the bone and with darkness creeping overhead, Kagome slumped where she sat on the hard boulder. Rain fell unnoticed on her face as she closed her eyes, abandoning both consciousness and choices. If she was supposed to give in now, she would. At last, she had no other options, no plans for moving forward. She willingly surrendered, gave herself with total trust to whatever fate awaited her on this side of the well.

oOo

Warm. She was warm and comfortable, maybe for the first time in days. Her body felt deliciously relaxed, rested as though she'd had a full night's sleep in the most comfortable bed. Her stomach rumbled, letting her know that she was ready to wake instead of sliding back into sleep.

Stretching, she tried to roll on her side only to find that she couldn't. Something held her tightly around her waist, keeping her hips and upper body from moving while her left arm was pinned to her side. At the same time, her legs and right arm dangled freely in the open air.

She jerked all the way awake, ready to struggle and fight, but when she raised her head she found herself unable to look away from him. Inuyasha returned her stare with no expression, only the sunlight reflecting in his eyes, the morning breeze stirring his hair and making his ears twitch. Catching her breath, Kagome swallowed against her dry throat.

She was in his lap, his arm behind her shoulders and holding her firmly so that she couldn't roll away from him. And that was a good thing, she realized, as the tree was very tall and she wouldn't have been able to save herself if she fell. Kagome kept very still, not afraid of him, but so baffled to wake up in his arms that she couldn't process what had happened to her.

Finally, she licked her lips and spoke. "Inu-Inuyasha?"

His ears twitched at the sound of her voice and she saw him sniff the air like he was testing her scent. She studied his face, finding absolutely no trace of the monster from her nightmares. His hair looked as wild as the first time she'd seen him, but his eyes were very bright, very alert as he returned her curious gaze.

So now what?

"Do you know me?" she whispered, half afraid of what his answer would be. He blinked, raising his eyebrows before leaning closer, sniffing intently around her face and hair like he was trying to decide what to do with her. It was obvious that he must have rescued her, picked her up and held her all night and most of the morning. Her hakama was almost dry and when she glanced down at her legs, she could see the mud caking her bare feet.

"I must have lost my sandals," she said, saying the first thing that came into her head. "Thank you, Inuyasha," she added when he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You…you saved me, didn't you?"

He just kept watching her, curiosity glittering in his eyes. No reaction to his name or her words. Kagome bit her lip, wondering what they were supposed to do now. He could just as easily drop her from the tree as anything, so she didn't want to move very much. Her foot twitched, a sudden spasm after lying still all night long and he immediately rested his hand on her ankle.

She couldn't help herself, not this time. Raising her hand, she reached out to touch his face, brush the hair away from his cheek. He stiffened, shifting his posture ever so slightly, but otherwise didn't move away from her touch. His tangled hair was soft against the back of her fingers and with a tiny smile, she moved her hand slowly towards his ears.

How many times had she done this? The first time he'd been asleep and she'd had to touch his ears just because she couldn't believe they were real. After that, he was always embarrassed, blushing when she'd try to touch them. Blustering, pretending to be offended, she knew he liked her attention even when he'd huff at her with annoyance.

Cautiously, she stroked the soft fur, ready to pull her hand back if it made him angry. It didn't and Inuyasha leaned against her hand, rumbling softly in his chest. Kagome felt tears spring to her eyes, overjoyed that he allowed her to touch him, to see him clearly after all these days of restless wandering.

"You do know me, don't you?" she whispered, her throat dry as he caught her fingers against his cheek, holding them still while he stared at her. Inuyasha ignored her words, sniffing again at her wrist, the palm of her hand until Kagome shivered. His casual exploration was making her heart race, she was trembling by the time he glanced at her face, meeting her eyes as he brought her fingers to his mouth.

Kagome held her breath, tracing his lips until her caught her fingertip between his teeth, nibbling gently while watching her face. So she'd wanted to see him, to reach him, didn't she? This gentle Inuyasha was more of a hesitant forest animal, wild and innocent rather than the monster of her nightmares. It…made no sense.

The demons of the Shikon no Tama, the monsters that had survived by possessing Sango's corpse…they had agreed to share his body, the full youkai Inuyasha. What she'd been expecting to find, she wasn't sure, but this feral creature was no more her Inuyasha than the raging demon that had terrorized her not long ago.

Another side of him, hidden somewhere inside, someplace she'd never guessed.

Just as she was thinking about what do to, his body suddenly stiffened, lifting his face to the breeze like he'd scented something in the forest. Kagome yelped when he sprang to his feet, tucking her easily under his arm like so much baggage. His arm around her waist was hard as stone and she writhed uncomfortably with Rin's bow digging into her ribcage.

Still sniffing the air expectantly, Inuyasha swung her about as he crouched and turned quickly to stare at the thick forest. Kagome felt a little queasy from the movement and the pressure on her empty belly, covering her mouth with a groan.

"Don't…" she gasped when he stooped over to stare at the forest floor. Inuyasha growled, a low and angry sound that vibrated through her body. Frightened, she twisted around, digging her hands into his haori when she felt him gathering himself to jump across the trees.

Inuyasha leapt in a graceful arc that continued downwards, springing from tree to tree so quickly that the ground was only a blur to Kagome. She stifled a shriek when he let them freefall, feet skidding on the forest floor before racing wildly to build speed for another strong leap that took them back to the treetops. Although it wasn't the first time she'd moved like this, it was the first time being dangled instead of riding on his back.

_He's not going to drop me_, she told herself, shutting her eyes because the wild movement was making her nauseous. She'd trusted him to carry her in the past, she had to trust him now even if she couldn't even guess why he was hurtling through the trees like a wild beast. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, he dove for the ground again, coming to an abrupt stop and dumping her unceremoniously on her face.

"What the hell," she muttered, pushing herself up to kneel at his feet. Inuyasha stalked restlessly around her, making urgent little sounds in the back of his throat while she tried to catch her breath. Pulling her hair back from her face, she looked around anxiously, trying to see whatever was bothering him so much. Nothing she could sense, looking around at quiet greenery, thick trees and peaceful woodlands.

"Inuyasha," she said, trying to make her voice sound soothing. "What's the matter?"

Of course he didn't answer her, standing quite still with his face lifted and his nose twitching. He didn't seem to be afraid, not even wary. More agitated, just like a dog that knew his territory was being invaded, but not where or why. Kagome sat quietly, her hands in her lap as she watched him pace, his body so alert and tense that it raised the hair on the back on her neck.

Finally, he stopped and shook himself, his hair flying around his face and his sleeves fluttering. Ignoring her, he stalked away and she suddenly knew that he was leaving her behind.

"Inuyasha, stop!"

He paused, turning slowly to look over his shoulder before shrugging his shoulders as if to brush her existence from his thoughts. She moved fast, grabbing the edge of his hakama and holding on for dear life. Surprised, he yanked away and looked alarmed when she fell heavily on her hands. Inuyasha backed away from her, going into a half-crouch that made it look like he was seconds away from bolting.

"Please," she murmured. "I know you don't understand me, but I need this. I need to be at your side. If you abandon me now..."

Kagome stared at her hands, unable to continue. He'd saved her, but she couldn't keep up with him and she knew it. If he left her alone now, she'd stumble around the forest until her bare feet were bloody, but the chances were slim that she'd survive for much longer on her own. She'd given her everything, fought back doubts and nightmares to earn this chance to stay by his side.

"I love you," she whispered. "I need to be with you. Please, Inuyasha…"

It was hopeless. He couldn't understand her.

The grass rustled softly as he moved closer, crouching in front of her until she lifted her head and looked at him. His face was only inches from hers, she could count his eyelashes and was certain he could hear the blood racing in her veins. He was staring intently at her now and Kagome swallowed hard, suddenly haunted by the vision of mad, demon-infested rage.

No, now was not the time for fear. She'd had enough of it, gorged herself until sick with poisons of doubt and dread. Taking a deep breath, she raised her chin and waited quietly for Inuyasha to make the next move.

Licking his lips, he almost smiled, the expression was so brief that Kagome barely saw it before he reached for her. Inuyasha held her close, standing up to pull her to her feet. For a long moment he looked like he wanted to speak, frustration building silently in his eyes. Then he sighed, shaking his head as if trying to clear his mind, confusion settling over him like a dense fog.

"Talk to me," she begged, grasping his haori in her fists. "Inuyasha, I know you're in there, I can feel it. I'm Kagome, remember? You know me!"

_You love me!_

Instead of answering, he touched the ragged edge of her sleeve, his claws poking through ripped material. The rest of her wasn't any better, she was filthy and torn, her hair a matted mess. Kagome knew what she looked like, she didn't need a mirror to know that she was in bad shape. Abuse, desperation, and grief had cost her the beauty that had once been her pride. Weeks of sleeping on the ground, inadequate food and rest left her weak and thin.

_Won't you please hear my voice?_

"Don't leave me here," Kagome whispered. "Please…"

He stepped away, turning from her and her heart sank. Then he held out his hand, looking over his shoulder at her until she realized he was inviting her…he was asking to carry her on his back.

She took his hand, her knees were weak, and when he lifted her up it felt like her body was as light as a palm full of feathers. Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face his hair. This strange Inuyasha that she didn't know, this newborn demon who seemed at peace with the wild forest…they were together now.

_Wherever you go, I'm with you_. Under her hands, she could feel his pulse racing, the strength in his shoulders and the gentleness of his hands under her legs.

_I'm with you forever, Inuyasha_. His muscles tensed and he crouched down low, his face lifted towards the sky as sunshine poured over them like a waterfall. One of his ears twitched in her direction and Kagome held on tight.

"I'm ready," she told him softly, her heart overflowing with joy. "Let's go!"

oOo

There will be at least one more long chapter after this. Sorry for the wait and thanks for hanging in there. I'm hoping to get this damn epic finished by the end of the year, so I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Thank you again to everyone who has commented, reviewed, sent emails and PMs my way for encouragement. I'm truly shocked and humbled that so many people have stuck with it (and me) through this long hiatus. I won't let you guys down.

Love, Wheez


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